Pro Ball Player Convicted for Kid Diddling Three Kids Claims to be an Outstanding Christian (and he’s married with a kid of his own) – again, why should Christian single gals limit themselves to only marrying Christian men? The Whole “Being Yoked Equally” thing is irrelevant and unduly limiting for singles

Pro Ball Player Convicted for Kid Diddling Three Kids Claims to be an Outstanding Christian (and he’s married with a kid of his own) – again, why should Christian single gals limit themselves to only marrying Christian men? The Whole “Being Yoked Equally” thing is irrelevant and unduly limiting for singles

I was told my whole life by Christians it would be wrong for me to marry a Non-Christian because the Bible has one sentence that says “do not be yoked to an unbeliever.”

I ran into a few decent Non-Christian guys growing up, but no, couldn’t get into a romantic relationship with them or marry them, because according to Christian folklore, if I just kept “trusting in the Lord” and praying about my marital future, in due time God would send me a Christian Prince Charming.

I find myself still never-married in my early 40s.

There is no, there was no, Christian Prince Charming that was my reward for staying a virgin, for being a good Christian girl who prayed, had faith, and waited on “God’s timing” or for “God’s Best.”

Meanwhile, as a single, other singles and myself go ignored by the Christian community, when they are not harboring insulting stereotypes about older singles (such as all unmarried women are harlots that will steal married men).

Supposedly, the unmarried are not as godly, sexually pure and loving as married people with children.

Then we come across stories such as this by a guy who says he is a swell Christian – and I’m not sure, but I think he might be married with children of his own?

I cannot believe Christians expected me to hinge my entire marital relationship destiny on one measly biblical verse that contains the phrase “be not yoked to an unbeliever,” and upon reflection, I wonder what in the hell does that verse even mean?

Maybe Apostle Paul was only talking about tennis partners, for all we know.

The end result of holding that verse up as the end- all, be- all of marriage advice is tragic, though: lots of single Christian ladies like me who wanted marriage are single into our 40s.

I cannot believe a perverted guy like this gets a spouse while decent people such as myself, despite wanting to be married, can’t so much get a date for Friday night.

Oh yes, this story also works against another secular and Christian stereotype: that older, never-married men are sexual predators. Here we have a story about a MARRIED man who is a FATHER who was convicted of child sexual abuse.

(Link): Sex offender Chad Curtis says his victims are lying and he’s a “Christian servant”

Excerpt:

    Curtis claims he’s “living faith every day” — and thinks he and his victim could write a book together

    BY MARY ELIZABETH WILLIAMS

    Former major league outfielder Chad Curtis says he tries to “live my faith every day.” Chad Curtis is a recently convicted sex offender.

    On Thursday in Hastings, Mich., the 44-year-old was sentenced to seven to 15 years in prison on six counts of second-, third- and fourth-degree criminal sexual conduct. The victims were three teenage girls he knew during his time as a high school volunteer weight-room strength trainer two years ago. When he was initially suspended from his position last year, he told reporters, “I’d ask [the community] to pray for us and pray that this would be resolved in a way that is honoring to God.”

    Now, in a courtroom statement the prosecution called “an arrogant, self-serving hour-long soliloquy,” Curtis, who played for the Yankees in two winning World Series, steadfastly maintained that his victims were liars, saying, “The truth will set her free. I think this whole thing is an unfortunate situation where the whole truth has not been told. I believe her [the victim] and I could write a book someday and it would have a positive impact on a whole lot of people.” It’s a horrible, desperately insensitive thing to say, but it’s an illuminating window into the mind of a convicted sex offender – one who still bafflingly seeks connection with his accuser.

    The girls all tell similar tales — of Curtis groping them under the guise of giving them athletic massages. In her account of his actions, one of his teenage victims said that he’d “he exposed her breast, covered it with his mouth and simultaneously groped her crotch.”

    When she began crying, she says he swore that “he would never again succumb to his immoral impulses” and asked her to pray with him.

    She says that when she refused he told her, “Prayer is always good.” According to Michigan Live, it was the same scenario with the other two victims: “Each would hear an apology. Each would receive a promise that it would not happen again.” Yet if he expressed contrition during his encounters with the victims, there was none of the kind on display during his trial or sentencing.

(Link): Former MLB Outfielder Chad Curtis Sentenced for Sexual Abuse

    Judge calls the former Yankees team member a predator during sentencing

    By Courtney Subramanian
    Oct. 03, 2013

    New York Yankees’ ex-outfielder Chad Curtis was sentenced Thursday to seven to 15 years in prison for sexual abuse by a Michigan circuit judge who called him a predator and a community threat.

    Curtis, whose career spans from 1992 to 2001 and includes two World Series wins with the New York Yankees, was convicted of six counts of criminal sexual conduct in August. During a stint volunteering as a weight trainer at a Barry County high school, the ex-MLB star inappropriately touched three teenage girls.

    Two 15-year-olds said he touched their buttocks while a 16-year-old girl said he touched and kissed her breasts. The 44-year-old told the court Thursday that the three girls lied, while calling himself a Christian servant.

(Link): Chad Curtis blames his victims in court speech, offers to write a book with one

    HASTINGS, MI – As Chad Curtis delivered what a prosecutor called an arrogant, self-serving hour-long soliloquy, the three teen victims of his sexual crimes could take no more and walked out of the courtroom.

    But they returned in time to hear Barry County Circuit Court Judge Amy McDowell sentence the former major leaguer and school athletic mentor to seven to 15 years in prison for his sexual assault of three girls at Lakewood High School.

    “I feel like I’ve got to a point now where I have done all I can do and I can move on with my life,” said the 18-year-old, who was the victim of Curtis’ crimes in 2011 when he committed third-degree criminal sexual conduct against the then-high school senior. The crime involves sexual penetration.

    … For his part, Curtis talked for an hour and accused all the victims of lying during the week-long trial in August, during which Curtis was found guilty of six counts of criminal sexual conduct.

    Curtis talked of how he was playing for the Detroit Tigers, one of six teams he would play for in a 10-year career ending 2001, when he decided he wanted to become a servant of God.

    Curtis talked at length about all the students he helped by getting his teaching certificate at Cornerstone University. He talked about the people he brought to Christ through his example and the lives he helped turn around even as he waited sentencing in the Barry County Jail.

    “I wake up every morning and ask, ‘How can I be a positive influence in this little cell?” Curtis told the judge. “I live my faith every day.”

    Curtis took exception to being called selfish by the victims and their parents, and he seemed intent on making sure the judge knew that he was not selfish.

    Curtis also said he was the one rebuffing advances from the girls, who accused him of getting them alone in the school weight room and then molesting them under the guise of athletic conditioning.

    He said the girls will have to come to terms with their wrong-doing.

    “The truth will set her free,” he said of one of his victims.

    “I think this whole thing is an unfortunate situation where the whole truth has not been told, Curtis said. “I believe her (the victim) and I could write a book someday and it would have a positive impact on a whole lot of people.”

    Barry County Prosecutor Julie Nakfoor Pratt said Curtis’ statement showed an utter lack of remorse and showed that he needed to be put in prison.

    “That was the most selfish, self-serving, victim-blaming statement I’ve heard in my career as a prosecutor,” Pratt said. “It speaks volumes about his character, or lack thereof.”

    Following the sentence hearing, defense attorney David Dodge gathered with supporters of his client, including Curtis’ wife and daughter, as they met in a circle and prayed in the courthouse parking lot.

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Related posts this blog:

(Link): Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

(Link): Forget About Being ‘Equally Yoked’ – Article: ‘My Abusive ‘Christian’ Marriage’

(Link): Why I Now Reject “Be Equally Yoked” – and on Becoming More Agnostic
-(this page also contains many links to news stories with examples of Christian married men who were arrested for rape, murder, or other crimes, and articles about high rates of porno use among Christian men)
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On Christianity Today:
(Link): Is Interfaith Marriage Always Wrong, Given that the Bible Teaches Us Not to Be ‘Unequally Yoked’?

How Not to Help All the Single Ladies (excellent article)

This is an excellent editorial about single women from a Christian source. Most Christian commentary on singleness sucks, but this was good.

(Link): How Not to Help All the Single Ladies

    Blaming women for their own singleness is about as productive as a ‘Cosmo’ checklist.

    by Sharon Hodde Miller

    [snip comments about her meeting with middle aged Christian women friends who had never married]

    Several weeks later, I spoke with another friend across the country who also wondered at her singleness and ached to find a godly man.

    In each of these conversations, I struggled to find the right words.

    Part of me wanted to shout, “What’s wrong with men? These ladies are amazing! They should be fighting guys off with a bat.”

    But the situation is more complicated than that. For one, women in the American church outnumber men. In 2009, sociologist Mark Regnerus reported in CT that there are 3 single women for every 2 single men. Simply put, there aren’t enough Christian men to go around.

    Add to that the elements of romantic chemistry, life circumstances, and God’s providence—all factors that are simply out of one woman’s control. It’s not her fault, and there’s nothing wrong with her. Nevertheless, most longtime single women are tempted to pause and wonder, Is it me?

    Don’t get me wrong. There are certainly single women out there who have difficult personalities.

    But, there are married women with equally challenging personalities who still managed to find a mate.

    Having a strong personality or being independent or failing to look like a supermodel are not deterrents to finding a spouse.

    Dating is not simple. There is no tried and true formula.

    Which is why I become frustrated whenever I come across articles, blog posts and books purporting to tell women why they are still single, and how they should act to snag a man.

    Continue reading “How Not to Help All the Single Ladies (excellent article)”

How Christian Teaching on Gender Roles and Sex Can Mess People Up in Adulthood (from Wine and Marble blog, post by a former Christian guy)

How Christian Teaching on Gender Roles and Sex Can Mess People Up in Adulthood (from Wine and Marble blog, post by a former Christian guy)

At least I assume the guy is a former Christian. Maybe he only left fundamentalism but is still Christian? Anyway, he discusses how Christian teaching on gender, sex, women, purity, etc, created problems for him as a teen and adult.

(Link): A Confession (a guest post)

Excerpt:

    Christian fundamentalism and Christian patriarchy hurt men too. I’m sobered and thankful for this guest post by my friend Tim. -h (by Hannah, owner of Wine and Marble blog)
    ——————-
    [by male guest writer]:

    When my hormones kicked in a few years later, I’d go back to the library for other reasons. I was homeschooled and had no internet, so I’d sneak copies of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition into the very back and covertly page through them, using a big atlas for cover. Once, my mom caught me at. She was silent all the way home, but it wasn’t five minutes after I got back to my room that my dad came knocking on my door.

    “Men …” he said, standing awkwardly on the other side of my room, “are visual.” He paused, considered. “So be careful.”

    In youth group, we’d periodically be divided up into boys and girls and get a talk from the youth pastor. Men are weak, I was told.

    If a woman shows any skin at all, we can’t help but think sinful thoughts, and so we should avert our eyes, flee temptation.

    The girls, I learned, were getting talks about purity and modesty. Our sin as men, they were told, was their responsibility. They just didn’t know, the pastor would say, what kind of effect they had on us.

    So I went out into the world terrified. The first time I was ever in a room alone with a girl — at the tender age of eighteen — I couldn’t speak for fear of having lustful thoughts about her.

    My years of religious upbringing had taught me that all women were potential objects of lust; for me, that made all women actual objects to fear.

Please read the rest of that post (Link): here
—————–
Related posts this blog:

(Link): How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

(Link): Ryan Gosling and Shirtless, Buff Cowboy Photos on Social Media – Yes, Christian Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented (Part 2)

(Link): How (Married) Christians and Christian Teachings About Dating/Marriage Are Keeping Single Christians Single Part 1

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

(Link): Online Dating: Women Want Younger Men (article)

(Link): Women Are Visually Oriented Too – Reminder 1

(Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): Article: Scientists: Why penis size does matter [to women]

(Link): Married Women Engage in Sexual Sin – and most men in denial particularly Christian conservatives

(Link): More ‘Men Are Visual’ Baloney, Discussed at Another Blog

(Link): Conservative Christian Sexist Immature Imbecilic Pressure on Women to Look Pretty and Skinny and to Put Out Sexually

Good Grief! Five Million Dollar Family Idoltary on Display: Focus on the Family Launches $5 Million Project Targeting Family Breakdown, Social Ills – Please, when you say you support marriage, be honest about what you REALLY mean

Focus on the Family Launches $5 Million Project Targeting Family Breakdown, Social Ills – Please, when you say you support marriage, be honest about it

MORE OF THE SAME

Definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.

News headline:
“Focus on the Family Launches $5 Million Project Targeting Family Breakdown, Social Ills”

LOL! Yes, because NOT “targeting the family” and NOT ranting against social ills has led to all the fornication, divorce, and porn use among Christians today! LOL! Are these people from Mars or what?

The ONLY thing most right wing Christians (and I am right wing too) have done the past several decades is complain, bitch, and moan about biblical ethics going down the crapper.

They are forever complaining, bitching, sermonizing and blogging against the rise of single mommy households, the supposed evils of feminism, the delay of marriage, climbing divorce rates, their supposed (note: it’s supposed; they don’t really care) horror at fornication, but all this lambasting of the evils of culture has done nada, zero, zippo to halt any of it.

Why do they think more of the same, and in the form of a multi- million dollar movie, will change anything?

WHEN YOU (you = conservative Christians, preachers, Focus on the Family, etc) SAY YOU ‘SUPPORT MARRIAGE,’ PLEASE, LET’S GET HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOU -REALLY- MEAN BY “YOU SUPPORT MARRIAGE”

Then you have these thousands of Christian single women ages 30, 40, and older who would simply adore having a spouse, they can’t find one, and the church and these para- church, or concern groups such as “Focus on the Family,” do jack squat to help them get married.

Apparently, when these conservative Christians say they care deeply about marriage, these “Focus on the Family” sorts really mean they only care about getting 20 somethings married.

Anyone past age 30 can go take a long walk off a short pier in these marriage discussions.

Please be honest about it, Focus on the Family leaders and preachers of America, by what you really mean about ‘caring about marriage.’ You mean you care about 20-somethings getting married. You don’t give a rat’s ass about anyone past the age of 29.

As a never married 40 something, yes, I really need a five million dollar movie about societal ills like I need a hole in the head! That will surely bring Mr. Right my way, good going, para church group! 🙄

Some guy in this interview, John Shepherd, says that family is the “building block of society.” The guy did not provide a Bible citation to back this assertion.

In what sermon did Jesus say that the nuclear family was the building block of society?

Where did Peter, Luke, Paul or other New Testament writers make that claim? The Bible made the opposite claim: the Bible teaches that the spiritual family, that is, anyone who believes in Jesus, was to take precedence over blood ties (the nuclear family).

(Link): Focus on the Family Launches $5 Million Project Targeting Family Breakdown, Social Ills

    BY TYLER O’NEIL, CP CONTRIBUTOR
    September 6, 2013|5:27 pm

    Focus on the Family is launching a new $5 million documentary film and curriculum project to bolster families across the world and address social ills like homelessness, gang violence and assault.

    “In America, there is one divorce every 13 seconds,” according to a video released by Focus on the Family (FOTF) announcing the organization’s new initiative, aptly named “The Family Project.”

    The promotional video flashes through news headlines that report on increasing rates of divorce and the effect fatherlessness has on children – higher risk of suicide, teen pregnancy and gang membership.

    On the video, the FOTF president announces that The Family Project is set to include a feature film, “a documentary that lifts up God’s design for the family” and presents the biblical view as the best family structure – a goal to aspire toward.

    “When you watch the news and read the headlines, it’s easy to despair,” explained Jim Daly, president of FOTF. Nevertheless, he calls for hope to stem from the Christian community. Daly summarized John 16:33, where Jesus says there will be trouble in this world, but adds: “I have overcome the world.”

    John Shepherd, president of Mpower Pictures, the company that will produce the film along with FOTF, explained that family is the “basic building block of society.” Shepherd said the project aims to “empower not only the artists, but also the audience to make positive change in the culture.”

    One of the news reports at the beginning of the video lists robbery, sexual abuse and assault as being on the rise, and includes a woman explaining the gang mentality. “If you want to be a man, this is what you do. You kill other people, you join a gang, you get somebody pregnant.”

    These social problems, the film suggests, tie back to the lack of fathers.

    Only God’s plan for the family can answer the mindset of gang culture, Daly argued.

    “We want to recast a vision for family,” he said, noting that the the project, expected to cost $5 million, includes the cost for the film and for a multimedia curriculum to “guide people through the understanding of why God designed family the way that he did.”

    Tim Sisarich, the host of The Family Project, also affirms his belief that God’s grace and truth, no matter what a family’s circumstances might be, can inspire hope again. “We know an architect who can bring us back to the original design for family,” he said. “If we have to go to the ends of the earth to bring this truth to light, then let’s do it.”

    The project was announced Thursday and is expected to take more than a year to complete. Filming for the documentary began in March and will finish this month, with a release coming to theaters in late spring 2014. The multimedia curriculum will release in mid-summer, and an online training program will launch next winter.

    According to its website, FOTF plans to partner with churches in order to achieve three goals: “Truly understand the significance of God’s great plan for humanity through families, Live with purpose and an eternal perspective, and Model God’s redemptive design for family to their neighbors, peers, coworkers, and ultimately, their culture.”

Do the people who make up Focus on the Family not have Matthew Chapter Ten in their Bibles?

Matthew Chapter Ten

Jesus Christ, one of the main founders of Christianity, speaking:

    34 “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.

    35 For I have come to turn

    “‘a man against his father,
    a daughter against her mother,
    a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
    36 a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’

    37 “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

Hmm. Where in any of that did Jesus say His big priority was on protecting the American traditional family unit? Where did Jesus say His big plan for fighting gang culture or divorce, homosexuality, war, or whatever else, was focusing on the nuclear family?

And where do singles fit into any of this? Why do these Focus on the Family weenies not feel that society cannot be healed or helped via the un-married? Do families play the role of the Holy Spirit?

Can the Holy Spirit not work through singles? Does the Holy Spirit not gift singles for ministry, only married couples? Where is that heresy taught in Scripture?

‘Focus on the Family’ members need to take the traditional family off the altar they have placed it on. God says you are to have no other gods before Him, but they have put “family” before God.

If you visit the Focus on the Family site right now, there is a big green donation button where they are asking for donations, I believe for this movie/project.

The link leads (Link): to this page at their site. Excerpt from that page:

    (From Focus on the Family web site)

    Why does the world need families?

    This won’t be news to you.

    Our culture today is a confusing mix of wildly differing views on family . . . what a family is and why — or even if — it matters.

    Family is a revelation of God.

    God’s Word tells us that family does matter, of course. But we haven’t fully appreciated or understood why it matters. He designed the family. It’s His gift to us. And He intends it to be a platform for transformation in our world.

And singles do not matter? God cannot or will not “transform” the world through singles or the childless? Where does the Bible teach any of that (hint: no where; it’s not biblical).

Again (Link): from that page:

    (From Focus on the Family Web Site, on page asking for five million dollars in donation for film project, a film to promote families)

    How can you be involved?

    As a trusted partner in this family ministry, you’ve already demonstrated how deeply you care about the future of traditional marriage . . . about equipping moms and dads to raise kids who serve the Lord . . . and about keeping homes centered on His Son, Jesus Christ.

    That’s why today we’re asking you to support The Family Project financially. We’re seeking $5 million to underwrite development, distribution and marketing costs.

    Why do families work? Because God himself designed them. Thriving families will lead to thriving communities. And thriving communities will transform the world. People will find purpose, joy and redemption. And generation after generation will create a positive legacy.

God designed singles and singlehood, too.
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Related posts this blog

(Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible

(Link): Conservative Christianity Stuck in 1950s Leave it To Beaver-ville

(Link): The Way We Never Were (book – Family Idol)

(Link): Focus on Family spokesperson, Stanton, actually says reason people should marry is for ‘church growth’

(Link): (Link): The Deification of Family and Marriage (re: Kyle Idleman book)

(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible

(Link): Christians and Churches Discriminate Against Unmarried People / Singles

(Link): A Critique of the Family-Integrated Church Movement by Brian Borgman – Christians turning the family into an idol

(Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link): Mormons and Christians Make Family, Marriage, Having Children Into Idols

The Way We Never Were (book – Family Idol)

The Way We Never Were: American Families And The Nostalgia Trap by Stephanie Coontz (Author)

Someone on the Jesus Creed blog mentioned the book “The Way We Never Were.”

(Link): BOOK REVIEW : Skewering Myths About the Family : THE WAY WE NEVER WERE: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap by Stephanie Coontz

Review is from 1992, by CONSTANCE CASEY. Excerpts:

    American families have changed in the last 20 years–nearly half of all families with children have both parents working–and our anxiety about change is no delusion.

    There has certainly been some decay in values recently. As Coontz tartly observes, “Twenty-five percent of the people polled in a recent national inquiry into American morality said that for $10 million they would abandon their entire family; a large number of people are evidently willing to do the same thing for free.”

    Coontz believes that what we’re experiencing now, however, is not so much the family’s dissolution as “an erosion of commitment to social obligations in general, and to children in particular.” Furthermore, things weren’t all that great before.

    Chapter by chapter, Coontz takes on the myths. Divorce may end many marriages now, but largely because of high mortality rates, the average length of marriage in Colonial times was less than 12 years.

    The “Life With Father” Victorian family–in which men were the breadwinners and women the domestic angels–owed its existence to the fact that other families were poor. Middle-class women had time to spend with their children because they employed laundresses and maids and cooks. Often these German or Welsh or Irish immigrant servant “girls” really were girls, as young as 11.

    While 20% of American children today are poor, she writes, “At the turn of the century the same proportion lived in orphanages, not because they actually lacked both parents, but because one or both parents simply could not afford their keep.”

    Coontz’s take on the Golden Age of the family–Ward and June, Ozzie and Harriet–is not brand new, but worth restating. “The apparently stable families of the 1950s were the result of an economic boom–the gross national product grew by nearly 250% and per capita income by 35%.” Most important, there was steady employment for the Ward Cleavers of America.

    Ozzie never came home with a pink slip and never applied for welfare. But the Nelsons and the Cleavers were generously underwritten by the federal government. Because of the extraordinary boom, the feds could afford to be generous with everything from education money to housing loans and highway construction.

    Part of the mythology of the Golden Age was that only morally deficient families required government help. As refutation, Coontz provides a wonderfully specific example–Phil Gramm, senator from Texas and staunch opponent of government handouts: “Born in Georgia in 1942, to a father who was living on a federal veterans disability pension, Gramm attended a publicly funded university on a grant paid for by the federal War Orphans Act. His graduate work was financed by a National Defense Education Act fellowship, and his first job was at Texas A & M University, a federal land-grant institution.”

    Coontz makes it hard for us to blame the usual suspects for family decay–those negligent working mothers and those immoral teen-age girls. She demonstrates that most of the family problems associated with working women rise from “the inadequate and incomplete integration of women into productive work.” And she charges that, “The image of teen-age girls having babies to receive welfare checks is an emotion-laden but fraudulent cliche.” If welfare benefits cause teen pregnancy, “why is it that other industrial countries, with far more generous support policies for women and children, have far lower rates of teen pregnancy?” (Incidentally, the highest rate of teen-age childbearing in 20th-Century America was in 1957.)

    “Children do best,” Coontz concludes, “in societies where child-rearing is considered too important to be left entirely to parents.” In order to be elected these days, candidates have to demonstrate that they care deeply about their own children. We should demand that they also care about other people’s children.

Info on the book:

    The Way We Never Were examines two centuries of American family life and shatters a series of myths and half-truths that burden modern families. Placing current family dilemmas in the context of far-reaching economic, political, and demographic changes, Coontz sheds new light on such contemporary concerns as parenting, privacy, love, the division of labor along gender lines, the black family, feminism, and sexual practice.

And:

    Did you ever wonder about the historical accuracy of those “traditional family values” touted in the heated arguments that insist our cultural ills can be remedied by their return?

    Of course, myth is rooted in fact, and certain phenomena of the 1950s generated the Ozzie and Harriet icon. The decade proved profamily–the birthrate rose dramatically; social problems that nag–gangs, drugs, violence–weren’t even on the horizon.

    Affluence had become almost a right; the middle class was growing. “In fact,” writes Coontz, “the ‘traditional’ family of the 1950s was a qualitatively new phenomenon. At the end of the 1940s, all the trends characterizing the rest of the twentieth century suddenly reversed themselves.”

    This clear-eyed, bracing, and exhaustively researched study of American families and the nostalgia trap proves–beyond the shadow of a doubt–that Leave It to Beaver was not a documentary.

    Gender, too, is always on Coontz’s mind. In the third chapter (“My Mother Was a Saint”), she offers an analysis of the contradictions and chasms inherent in the “traditional” division of labor.

    She reveals, next, how rarely the family exhibited economic and emotional self-reliance, suggesting that the shift from community to nuclear family was not healthy.

    Coontz combines a clear prose style with bold assertions, backed up by an astonishing fleet of researched, myth-skewing facts.

    The 88 pages of endnotes dramatize both her commitment to and deep knowledge of the subject. Brilliant, beautifully organized, iconoclastic, and (relentlessly) informative The Way We Never Were breathes fresh air into a too often suffocatingly “hot” and agenda-sullied subject.

    In the penultimate chapter, for example, a crisp reframing of the myth of black-family collapse leads to a reinterpretation of the “family crisis” in general, putting it in the larger context of social, economic, and political ills.

    The book began in response to the urgent questions about the family crisis posed her by nonacademic audiences. Attempting neither to defend “tradition” in the era of family collapse, nor to liberate society from its constraints, Coontz instead cuts through the kind of sentimental, ahistorical thinking that has created unrealistic expectations of the ideal family.

    “I show how these myths distort the diverse experiences of other groups in America,” Coontz writes, “and argue that they don’t even describe most white, middle-class families accurately.” The bold truth of history after all is that “there is no one family form that has ever protected people from poverty or social disruption, and no traditional arrangement that provides a workable model for how we might organize family relations in the modern world.”

    Some of America’s most precious myths are not only precarious, but down right perverted, and we would be fools to ignore Stephanie Coontz’s clarion call. –Hollis Giammatteo

    From Publishers Weekly

    The golden age of the American family never existed, asserts Coontz ( The Social Origns of Private Life ) in a wonderfully perceptive, myth-debunking report. The “Leave It to Beaver” ideal of breadwinner father, full-time homemaker mother and dependent children was a fiction of the 1950s, she shows.

    Real families of that period were rife with conflict, repression and anxiety, frequently poor and much less idyllic than many assume; teen pregnancy rates in the ’50s were higher than today.

    Further, Coontz contends, the nuclear family was elevated to a central source of personal satisfaction only in the late 19th century, thereby weakening people’s community ties and sense of civic obligation.

    Coontz disputes the idea that children can be raised properly only in traditional families. Viewing modern domestic problems as symptoms of a much larger socioeconomic crisis, she demonstrates that no single type of household has ever protected Americans from social disruption or poverty.

    An important contribution to the current debate on family values.

The Trivialization of Sex (a post by A. Hamilton)

(Link): The Trivialization of Sex (a post by A. Hamilton)

Here are a few excerpts from that page:

    Aug 2013
    by Adam Hamilton

    Churches don’t often spend a lot of time reminding people of the beauty and importance of sexual intimacy. Conversely, society tends to trivialize and cheapen it. People talk about “hooking up” or having “friends with benefits.” From that perspective, sex becomes not the culmination of a deep, meaningful relationship, but instead merely an end in itself. It has become commonplace in our society to think that after a first or second date, a couple might sleep together.

    … Here’s the challenge with hooking up or friends with benefits: We’re simply not ready to reveal our innermost selves to another human being after one or two dates; the bonding that happens is premature.

    … I invite you, even if you have been intimate with another in the past, to reclaim the idea that sex is purposeful and meaningful, and it isn’t something to be trivialized.

Please click the link above to read the entire page.

I have to disagree with the author on a few points.

It seems to me most preaching about marriage and sex does in fact contain a lot of commentary by the preacher about how sex is “important” and “beautiful,” and they almost always tack on “within marriage, of course.”

Here is the response I left on the page:

It’s also the Christian culture in American that trivializes sex, not just secular society.

Some preachers have turned sex into an idol, such as Ed Young Jr and Mark Driscoll, who either preach about sex in very graphic terms from the pulpit on a regular basis, or who pull sexually tinged stunts during church, such as erect stripper poles in the church, or put a bed on the church roof and get into that bed with their wives. (Please look up the WND editorial “The Church of Sex” for more information about that.)

I’m in my early 40s now, was a Christian since childhood, desired marriage, was hoping to marry a Christian, but marriage never happened for me, and so I’m still a virgin.

Churches do not support virginity- until- marriage for adults past their mid twenties or early 30s. The concept or ideal of virginity is only given support to the under- 25 age group. Even this blog page seems to assume any and all singles reading it have engaged in sexual sin previously – some of us have not.

If you are an older virgin such as me, you get no support from Christian culture, which is absolutely obsessed with marriage, kids, and the “traditional family,” all of which have been turned into idols that conservative Christians worship.

Family is often placed on equal footing or above God Himself, when Jesus said that if you put your traditional family before him or on the same level as, you are not worthy to be His follower. Christians regularly ignore that passage and other ones where Christ taught that your spiritual brothers and sisters in Christ are to come *before* your flesh and blood family.

As a never married adult, I feel excluded by churches that run about saying they are a “family” church, or who have the phrase “We are a FAMILY church!” printed on their signs and bulletins, because I know dang well they mean family as in “Dad, Mom, and 2.5 kids,” and not “spiritual family of God.”

Preachers rarely address uplifting, encouraging sermons to older singles that promote celibacy and present lifelong celibacy as being obtainable. Life long celibacy is thought of as being an impossibility.

Preachers / Christian culture do nothing to affirm singlehood, but often treat it like a less than desirable state and one that needs to be “cured,” and the insulting idea held by many Christians is that marriage is the only life milestone that truly makes one a full fledged adult.

I would still like to get married. The problem is that another segment of Christians, while they do affirm singlehood in a manner, they do so to the unbiblical point that they over- spiritualize singlehood.

Meaning, they shame singles who want marriage by telling them cliched nonsense like, “Jesus is all you need,” “but just think you have more time to serve God!,” or “The Lord is your husband,” or, “don’t make marriage into an idol.” Singles who desire marriage don’t need to hear any of that, it is hurtful, annoying, and insulting.

Singles should not be mistreated or ignored in their single state, but neither should they be shamed for desiring marriage, either.

Celibacy is misunderstood by churches and Christians: God does not wipe away the sexual desires of celibates, nor does God grant us special powers or grace to be celibate: I am celibate at my age through sheer will power and by my choice alone; not by special gifting of God.

Most sermons by most churches are about marriage and how to have an awesome marriage. So singles cannot relate to any of that.

When sex is discussed from the pulpit or in Christian media, it’s only to tell singles that “sex outside of marriage is wrong,” and it’s often mentioned that, “but we know nobody past age 25 can resist sex and that all singles are having sex, so just remember God will forgive you your sexual sin.”

This is a false view: people can in fact resist sex into their 30s, 40s, and older, but preachers never acknowledge this; they assume in their books, blogs, and sermons that everyone and anyone by age 40 has had sex at least once.

And this assumption is very demoralizing for those of us in our 30s, 40s and older and who are still virgins, because we are not even acknowledged to exist. We have upheld biblical purity teachings, but we get no kudos from churches, no support.

Meanwhile, liberal, emergent, and even many so-called conservative Christians downgrade sexual purity and virginity, such as SBC Russell Moore and Christian blogger Tim Challies, who chide older virgins for supposedly valuing virginity too much and for being “prideful” about it (even though we are not prideful). They also pretty much argue that Christians over- value virginity and should stop valuing virginity.

The liberal, and/or ‘bleeding heart’ types of Christians think that sexual purity/ virginity standards are mean-spirited and hurtful because they make many female fornicators feel guilty, ashamed and bad about their sexual sin, so they want Christians to stop upholding purity and virginity teachings.

American Christians spout off a lot of commentary about how they support virginity and purity, but they really do not – one way they drop the ball is by neglecting older singles.

Churches love to support teens and 20 somethings and young married couples with kids by word (in sermons, preaching material) and in practical terms (such as financing a lot of activities for youth), but if you do not fall under any one of those demographics, you are invisible to most churches. Most churches do not spend near as much money on never married adults over age 30 as they do the teen agers.

I have a blog called “Christian Pundit” where I have blogged about these issues and more, like how married Christians harbor many mean, unfair, cruel and inaccurate caricatures of older never married, childless adults, how there are double standards running amok (ie, there is a segment of Christians who expect hetero singles to abstain from sex but feel it’s acceptable for homosexual singles to have sex with each other).

Married Christians often assume that single Christian adults are immature, sleazy, or not as godly as married couples, but I have blog post after blog post with links to news sources, some to Christian news sites, of Christian men who have been arrested for murder, wife abuse, picking up prostitutes, and some have admitted to having dirty web site addictions, etc.

Married Christian couples are simply not more godly, mature, or responsible than single adults. But that stereotype exists in churches today, many of whom refuse to allow singles of either gender to hold teaching positions or other positions of responsibility or leadership.

(My Christian Pundit blog should not be confused with another of a very similar name – someone else has a blog called “THE Christian Pundit,” which is not mine. My blog does not have the word “The” before “Christian Pundit”)

I would also encourage anyone reading this to read the book “Quitting Church” by Julia Duin, who records incidents of unmarried Christians who have either been ignored by churches or mistreated, all over being single. She explains why adults singles are quitting churches.

I would also recommend the book “Singled Out” by Christian authors Field and Colon with more of those examples, and how the church has erred in how it preaches and teaches about celibacy, virginity, sex, dating and marriage, and ironically, some of the very teachings Christians use to keep singles in line and avoid fornication either lead to more fornication by singles, or are at the root cause as to the huge epidemic of prolonged, unwanted singleness among Christians.

Most of us single Christians wanted marriage, but Christian teachings on gender roles, marriage, sex, etc, has caused us to stay single into our middle age. See my blog for more information on that.

I no longer care about remaining a virgin until marriage, and I also have given up on the “only be yoked to a believer” teaching. I have waited long enough for marriage and sex, and am now willing to have pre- marital sex and date/marry a Non Christian.

No offense to the other poster below, but as a 40 something “technical virgin” (I am a real deal virgin, not merely a virgin in an allegorical sense), I take a bit of offense at how Christians who have had pre-marital sex go around using the terms “born again virgin” or “secondary virgin” to describe themselves, as it sort of cheapens the word “virgin.”

Either one is a virgin or is not. If you fornicated previously (by choice) at some stage in your life, you are a forgiven sexual sinner, not a “born again virgin” or “spiritual virgin.”

I apologize for such a long post, but these issues are hardly ever discussed among Christians, the opportunities to discuss them are few and far between.
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Related posts, this blog:

(Link): WARNING and NOTICE On Vulgar Language on This Blog

(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

(Link): The Myth of the Gift – Regarding Christian Teachings on Gift of Singleness and Gift of Celibacy

(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity

(Index Topic Link): Married Christian Couples Engage in Sexual Sin (examples, editorials)

(Link): Christians and Cheap Grace Concerning Sexual Sin

(Link): Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

(Link): Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

(Link): Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – Easy Forgivism

(Link): Virgin – and Celibate – Shaming : Christian Double Standards – Homosexuals Vs Hetero Singles – Concerning Thabiti Anyabwile and Gag Reflexes

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

(Link): Pat Robertson Expects Men to Commit Sexual Sin (and it’s not the first time)

(Link): Example of How Christian Teaching About Sex, Marriage, and Gender Creates Hang Ups and Entitlements Among Christians

(Link): Christian Double Standards on Celibacy – Hetero Singles Must Abstain from Sex but Not Homosexual Singles

(Link): When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments

(Link): There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One (not how it is taught by most Christians)
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Related post, off site:

(Link): Same-Sex Marriage and the Single Christian – How marriage-happy churches are unwittingly fueling same-sex coupling—and leaving singles like me in the dust.

Example of How Christian Teaching About Sex, Marriage, and Gender Creates Hang Ups and Entitlements Among Christians

Example of How Christian Teaching About Sex, Marriage, and Gender Creates Hang Ups and Entitlements Among Christians

Christians often promise in their dating advice books, blogs, and in sermons about marriage, that if you wait until marriage to have sex, you will have “mind blowing,” great sex.

Christians also wrongly teach that females are responsible for male sexual failings and that all women are to be viewed sexually, as sexual objects.

Hence, much pressure is placed on Christian females to “dress modestly” and the males are told to stay away from women, and to glance away any time a woman walks past, or if they see a woman on a television commercial.

Christians also maintain the fairy tale that only males are visually stimulated, so that only females are lectured from the pulpits and Christian dating advice blogs and magazines to diet, exercise regularly, wear make-up, and look attractive. Christian men do not get told by these same publications and preachers to exercise and stay in shape, even though it is a FACT that women care VERY MUCH about male physical appearance.

The outcome of this incorrect teaching about only men caring about appearance and all women being temptresses is that single Christian males grow up expecting and feeling entitled to marry a Christian woman who looks like movie star Megan Fox, who has the morals of an Angel, who will give them Porn-i-riffic, great sex every night.

Christian singles are conditioned by Christian teachings on sex, gender roles, and dating, to begin viewing things and actions that are not sexual as though they should be sexualized. This hinders normal male-female interaction, friendships are not formed, and hence, no marriages.

You can see yet another example of this in the long excerpts farther below.

This guy, who I think is Michael Pearl, who is a Christian – I believe he is a pastor?, or he writes books with Christian advice about marriage and parenting (you can read more about him and his wife in this post at RHE’s blog, Link: The abusive teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl).

He grew up a Christian virgin, obsessed with sexual purity to the point he viewed all women as sexual temptresses and whores (even proper Christian women at his church), and due to the mere fact he was a virgin, he felt entitled to non-stop great sex from his wife once they married even though she was dead tired, sleepy, in pain.

Pearl admits to having been selfish with his wife but does not mention making no attempt at curbing his selfishness, so I assume he did not, and he still sounds selfish as hell years later recounting his past with his wife.

This reminds me of the creepy, loser, obese, ugly, 47 year old virgin guy mentioned on another site that I posted about last week, the guy who feels just because he is a virgin at age 47 that he is entitled to date or marry an attractive, skinny 18 – 25 year old.

I wrote about him (Link): in this older post, “Creepy, wrong, immature and pathetic: older men chasing after much younger women”.

    (To be clear:

    Unlike (Link): idiot Moore, I do not fault a Christian adult virgin for wanting and hoping to marry another virgin.

    That, to me, is understandable.

    Where I take issue is with a fat, ugly, repulsive, socially backwards hill-billy loser idiot who is a virgin at age 45 who thinks his virginity and/or being male entitles him to a suave, financially secure, thin, and sexy 21 year old movie star look-alike.)

Love, Joy, Feminism Blog: CTNAHM:
Anticipation (Michael Talks about Sex)
(a post by Libby Anne, A Guest Post by Aletha)
URL:
patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2013/08/ctnahm-anticipation-michael-talks-about-sex.html

Here are some excerpts:

    [by Libby Anne]

    In this Chapter, Michael [Pearl] talks about his first love, sex, and his first sex. Get ready.

    [9 year-old Michael walks down the road after Bible school and sees a girl in a pretty dress. He walks on the other side of the road and tries to walk “with her”] I never spoke. She never looked at me, but I studied her profile and her dainty little walk.

    It was the most amazing and wonderful thing I had ever seen. I was in love. I WANTED ONE [emphasis mine].

    But it was all too scary to this skinny, bug-eyed boy. The thought of even speaking to this splendid apparition made me tremble with a feeling of helplessness.

So we can see, even at 9, to Michael, women are possessions to be claimed. And “things” and “apparitions”, not fellow humans. We are off to a great start.

    Puberty

    But then I went through puberty. That was like entering a cool tunnel and coming out the other end in the middle of a fire. I gave my life to Jesus Christ about the same time, and had been well brought-up and taught the Word of God, so I was quite clear on moral boundaries.

    But the fire burned and the only thing I wanted more than god was to have one of those lovelies they call the opposite sex.

    After awhile, I began to wonder if maybe the devil-rather than God-hadn’t created sex. SEX with the big X in it, like “Danger. Don’t touch.” It seemed like such a consuming indulgence.

    I was fasting and praying, studying my Bible, and walking down the road with my blinders on. I found all TV programs to be designed to create lust. Every billboard with a woman on it was a doorway to hell. The Sears and Roebuck catalog was pornography. Many of the women at church were seductive whores.

    Cleavage was an attempt to damn me. Tight dresses were designed to make me wet my pants. It was enough to make a monk or a whore monger out of a fourteen-year-old. The world was on fire and I was trying to keep from burning.

Holy cow. Where to start? One thing I’ve noticed growing up in a conservative Christian religion is how, ironically, sex obsessed things are. Billboards and catalogs are created to tempt you!

Heaven forbid they show off the merchandise they are trying to sell you.

It’s kind of scary how violently he reacts to women.

They are whores trying to damn him because they showed a bit of cleavage—and he grew up in the Bible belt in the 50-60s, I’m sure there wasn’t that much cleavage on display.

It’s kind of sad to think that he was full of this much self-hatred and desire at 14. I’ve watched enough Law and Order to know that this combination can result in a serial killer.

Continue reading “Example of How Christian Teaching About Sex, Marriage, and Gender Creates Hang Ups and Entitlements Among Christians”

Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

Ah, yes, the ol’ “don’t be unequally yoked” teaching. Despite not specifically mentioning marriage, Christians frequently appeal to this verse to instruct Christians not to wed Non Christians.

I have decided against this teaching, since I’m becoming agnostic, and even if I stay a Christian, all this teaching serves to do is to keep a woman single indefinitely. It’s an absolute joke.

Here’s the hideous article, advice of which you should IGNORE if you are an unmarried Christian woman who wants to get married:

(Link): Why a Believer Shouldn’t Marry an Unbeliever

Here’s an excerpt:

    By Dan Delzell, Special to CP
    July 31, 2013|9:50 am

    The most important relationship to a Christian of course is my relationship with Jesus Christ. Every other relationship is secondary. If a believer marries an unbeliever, he or she is choosing to ignore what God says about being unequally yoked. It is never smart to ignore God’s Word, and that is certainly the case in a matter as foundational as marriage.

    There is no spiritual unity between a believer and an unbeliever. Not an ounce of it. Why? Because a Christian has the Holy Spirit dwelling within him or her, whereas an unbeliever doesn’t have the Spirit’s indwelling presence. The new birth results in a new life and a new spirituality. There is no unity on that level unless both people are converted through faith in Christ.

    ,,,Without spiritual unity, there can be no ultimate sexual unity. By “ultimate,” I mean the type of sexual unity God designed a husband and wife to enjoy with one another. That only happens when both of them are in a relationship with God. Then and only then do they experience sex as God intended.

    … Sex between two unbelievers, or between a believer and an unbeliever, is not the way God designed it. A proper relationship with God is always more important than sexual intimacy. Without the first thing being in place, the sexual intimacy will not be the ultimate expression of God’s design. And that approach will never bring the deepest level of satisfaction and contentment.

    With a married couple that is unequally yoked, the unbeliever remains outside of God’s grace and forgiveness.

If you follow the teaching to marry only a Christian guy, you will die single.

By the time you reach age 40, there are, I have read, a few more unmarried Christian women per every single Christian male; I think the ratio is three to one, or around that. That means that not every unmarried Christian woman at 40 has a Christian match her age, so they will either stay single or have no choice but to marry a Non Christian. Dan Delzell is, quite simply, an idiot who is serving to keep singles single forever.

Given that there are so many Christian married men who rape women or abuse them, you are just as well off finding yourself a nice, loving atheist or agnostic to marry.

I have a collection of news stories on this blog about Christian married men who have been found guilty of rape, murder, pedophilia, and other crimes and sins. Check them out:

(Link): Christian married people – list of sins/crimes (list also includes Non Christians)

(Link): Christian men (most of whom are married) who have been arrested for rape, murder, abuse etc

Anyway, I am gob-smacked that Christians keep pushing the “Christians, only marry other Christians” cliche’ when so many Christian women are remaining unmarried into their 30s and older. I waited as long as I could for a Christian spouse to show up, and he never did.

If God exists, and if God finds it so all freaking important for me to marry another believer, he should have gotten off his ass years ago and sent me a spouse by now. He made the world in six days and raised the dead to life, sending a suitable Christian partner my way should be a breeze by comparison. But he’s not. And I am through with the waiting game.
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Related posts this blog:

(Link): Forget About Being ‘Equally Yoked’ – Article: ‘My Abusive ‘Christian’ Marriage’

(Link): Why I Now Reject “Be Equally Yoked” – and on Becoming More Agnostic
-(this page also contains many links to news stories with examples of Christian married men who were arrested for rape, murder, or other crimes, and articles about high rates of porno use among Christian men)

(Link): Gender Complementarian Advice to Single Women Who Desire Marriage Will Keep Them Single Forever / Re: Choosing A Spiritual Leader

(Link): Being Unequally Yoked
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Related material on other sites

(Link): Is Interfaith Marriage Always Wrong, Given that the Bible Teaches Us Not to Be ‘Unequally Yoked’?

Five Page Series on Singleness from Justcor

Five Page Series on Singleness from Justcor

This is page one of five pages:

(Link): Five Page Series on Singleness from Justcor

In my view, the most interesting page was this one:

(Link): Page 2: The first question on the survey asked, “What are one or two things the church is doing that discourages you in addressing the topic of singleness?”

Though I disagree with items on page 2 such as this one:

    13. Unwillingness to combat evil cultural ideals produced by sexual revolution and feminism

Le sigh. Feminism is not totally to blame for all relationship ills among Christians; I addressed that here:
(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

Nor do I agree with these points:

    15. Letting the cultural ideal of career planning supersede marriage

    16. Missing the mark of God-centered marriage of Ephesians 5 with male headship and female submission

Number 15 hints at people who push early marriage – the weenies who think all Christians should marry at age 18 or 20. See: (Link): A Case Against Early Marriage by A. Moore (editorial) and (Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage

Number 16 – aside from the fact I’m an egalitarian, as I’ve written about before, these “biblical gender roles” (which are not biblical) keep the genders apart and is one reason there is a tidal wave of singles in the church who want to be married but can’t even get a date.

A few points from page two that I did relate with:

    5. Use of cliches that fall far short of addressing singleness

    9. Misbelief that unmarried are less mature than married

    17. Celebrating only wedding and births but not significant events of singles

    19. Making promises they can’t guarantee such as “You’ll find the right guy,” etc.

    20. Ignoring the topic altogether

    21. Unwillingness to host a singles-only event

    24. Thinking contentment in God and having a desire for marriage are mutually exclusive

    26. Treating singles as asexual

    35. Enforcing too many boundaries and rules to friendships between men and women

    36. Young Christian men suffering from lack of confidence and fear of rejection

    38. Married people valuing friendship with other married people over single people

(Link): Read that whole list here (page 2)

As to this point:

    26. Treating singles as asexual

There are two strains of thought among Christians on this issue.

Some Christians either think of older, never-married Christians as asexual (or lacking sexual desire), or, conversely, they think we are horny horn dogs who have sex with 567 different partners every night, when we’re not bedding married men.

In the world of conservative Christianity, older single Christians are either thought of as
1. Madonnas or as Whores, or, to put it another way, as
2. sexless or lust-filled, randy bed hoppers.

The truth for a lot of Christian singles is somewhere in-between both caricatures.

There is also a page 3, 4, and a 5 and the Justcor blog about singleness.
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Related posts this blog:

(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity

(Link): Christian Teachings on Relationships: They’re One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

(Link): How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): Why Unmarried – Single Christians Should Be Concerned about the Gender Role Controversy

Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target
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EDIT. From another author, who is a Christian man:
(Link): Feminism, Singleness, And The Idol Of The Nuclear Family

I just now discovered the Spiritual Sounding Board blog made a post about a similar topic back in May of this year that you may want to read (as well as comments by the readers at the bottom of the page):
(Link): What is the Big Deal About Feminism and Christianity?

(Link): Trends in male employment may not bode well for marriage (article)
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Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

Blaming feminism for protracted, unwanted singleness among males is an attitude that I’ve seen among “average Joe” Christians around the internet the last few years, on their blogs and in forums.

Certainly, conservative Christian groups and think tanks, such as “Focus on the Family,” are probably the most responsible for fostering these views among the unmarried, rank and file Christian males.

These conservative Christian groups blame feminism only, or first and foremost, for everything, for all change in society, or what they perceive as being negative change – for delayed age of first marriage; lower birth rates; women outperforming males in classrooms and on jobs, the rise of divorce, and on and on it goes.

I suppose a feminist was behind the grassy knoll, too. Oswald did not act alone.

If you need a reminder about me (most of this can be found on this blog’s “About” page), and I feel this is pertinent to state up front, because often, male, Christian, gender complementarians (traditional gender role advocates) wrongly assume from the get-go that a (quasi former) Christian woman such as myself, who does not agree with their traditional gender role perspective any longer, must be a bra-burning, Bible-hating, liberal feminist, when the truth is:

  • -I am a social conservative
  • -I am a Republican
  • -I was a Christian since childhood
    (but have been slowly walking away from the faith the last year to two years)
  • -I grew up with a Christian mother who defined herself as being a “traditional wife”
    (in today’s Christian lingo, my Mom was a “biblical gender complementarian”)
  • – I was a “biblical literalist”
    (and still am, to what degree I still identify as Christian)
  • -I tried my hardest to be a “biblical gender complementarian” myself
    … but the older I got, by my mid to late 30s, I saw that the Scripture does not support the view

What I am not, and what I do not believe:

  • -I am not a secular feminist, nor do I agree with all their views
  • -I do not hate men
  • -I am not “anti” family or “anti” marriage

I have on occasion defended unmarried Christian males on this blog.

I think that often, many Christians adhere to offensive stereotypes of Christian men who are over 30 years of age but who have not married.

One common stereotype is that such men are homosexual. Another is that older single Christian males are pedophiles. That they are not as mature as their married counterparts.
Another is that they are not fully in God’s image, that they need to be married (and preferably with kids) to be considered wholly in God’s image. I have written a few blog posts criticizing some of those views.

I do not blame all men every where for the widespread problem of unwanted, protracted singleness among Christians these days.

I also don’t blame feminism. (So it makes me wonder why some of the Christian single men are so vehemently insistent that male singleness is the full responsibility of Christian women. Or of feminism.)

Continue reading “Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target”

Misogynistic Christian Single Guy Blog – Keeping Singles Single Re Frank Swift of Geek in the Wilderness

Misogynistic Christian Single Guy Blog – Keeping Singles Single | Re: Frank Swift of Geek in the Wilderness Blog

The individual who heads the blog “A Geek in the Wilderness,” who writes under the name “Frank Swift,” laments the situation of singles in the church, but his views on marriage, singleness, and genders are not only contributing to his own lasting singleness, but his are some of the same mindsets the church at large has as well, and which are making marriage for Christians more difficult.

In other words, Mr. Swift is himself supporting the very marriage and prolonged singleness problems he is so upset about.

Before I continue further, the blog in question is located here:

(Link): A Geek in the Wilderness ( http://geeksjourney.com/ ), and again, the guy’s screen name is “Frank Swift.”

The tagline of his blog is

    “One geek/nerd hybrid journeys through history and the world in an epic search for truth, justice… and great pizza.”

I like pizza, but I can tell you after exchanging a few posts with this guy, he is not very interested in truth.

Swift does not seem open to having his views about gender roles and women questioned. A guy who is in search of truth would be open to re-examining his views, I would think.

Swift keeps parroting the same unproven, unfounded, unbiblical assumptions about women over and over in his replies to me.

I’ve directed him a few times to the (Link): Christians For Biblical Equality site (see Resources > Free Articles) and a few others, such as (Link): Under Much Grace.

I do credit Swift with initially allowing a few of my posts to stand on his blog (I myself don’t do that too much with this blog, since I use it to vent, not to debate).

I was polite in my initial batch of posts, despite Swift’s insufferable, obnoxious sexism on display. He has since replied to a few of those posts and has injected ad hominem into the replies (more about that below).

Mr. Swift’s blog first caught my attention when I was searching for material about Christian singles.

One of his pages turned up in the results, and it was this one:

(Link): How churches today abandoned the Christian single

Aspects of that page were interesting, but some of his views were troubling, such as this (Link): (Source):

    A marriage and family successfully functioning as one cohesive unit provides the skillset needed to run a church as one cohesive unit.

One does not have to be married to have have the skills or competence to “run a church” as “one cohesive unit.”

Some churches have in fact hired un-married men who are in their 30s who successfully ran the churches, though an un-married serving as pastor is very rare, as most churches are heavily biased against unmarried people. But it has happened on occasion, and the un-married were successful in their position.

The Bible does contain commentary along the lines that if a man is married, that he ought to have but one wife and other such qualifications(*), but the Bible does not exclude singles from leadership positions, as Swift believes.
*((Link): What does the “husband of one wife” phrase in 1 Timothy 3:2 mean? Can a divorced man serve as a pastor, elder, or deacon?)

The Bible places singleness on the same level of acceptance to God, and the same level of importance of singleness, as it does marriage, and at some points, the Apostle Paul writes singleness may be preferable to marriage because an unmarried person has more undivided attention than a married person.

None of that is to say that a single who wants to get married is sinning.

There is nothing sinful or selfish about wanting to get married, and other Christians need to stop discouraging and shaming Christians for wanting to get married, by saying things such as, “stop making marriage an idol,” “Jesus is all you need,” and so on, and by refusing to pray for singles, and such.

I explained to this Swift guy in one of my posts on his “Geek in the Wilderness” blog that the church has turned marriage and the nuclear family into an idol (with the “nuclear family” being an invention of 1950s American television programming; it is not quite a “biblical” presentation of family).

I gave Swift Bible verses on his blog where Jesus Christ said that Christians are not to put flesh and blood family before spiritual brothers and sisters in Christ.
(I have many blog pages about this topic, such as these two: (Link): The Bible Does Not Teach Christians to “Focus On The Family” – The Idolization of Family by American Christians (article), and (Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t)

This all seems to fall on deaf ears with this guy.

He, like a lot of conservative Christians, continue to make secular feminism into the “boogey man” and the root of all ills in American culture, which it is not.

I am only surprised that Swift did not drag up the other favorite scapegoat and punching bag of evangelicals and conservative Christians: homosexuals, or the legalization of homosexual marriage.

To recap for anyone who is new to this blog: I myself am right wing, vote Republican, am a social conservative (and so I do not support homosexuality). For many years, I was a devout Christian. (I am by no means a left winger who embraces all views of secular feminism or the Democratic Party.) You can read more about my background and views on this blog’s “About Me” page.

Where Mr. Swift got rude, sexist, and very obnoxious with me was in this thread (I have not yet checked to see if he left me comments in the other thread):

(Link): Single ladies, I’m ready to provide, are you ready to cook?

In that thread, and a few others I glanced over, he continually makes all manner of unfounded assumptions about about women in general, such as this quote:

    Women likewise are more effective caretakers and nurturers because of the experience of raising their own children…

The Bible simply does not rigidly define gender roles or say that God designed women to be “nurturers” and males “leaders.”

Women have been socialized by secular society, parents, and churches, to be passive, sweet, submissive, cookie bakers; it’s not they these qualities are necessarily intrinsic to women.

I am a woman, but I was always a tom boy growing up. I preferred climbing trees, wearing converse sneakers, and watching Bat Man.

I hated pink clothing, wearing dresses, playing with Barbie dolls, and sitting around quietly as a kid. I wanted to go on adventures and have fun.

I had little interest in taking on Biblical or stereotypical “feminine” roles – which equated to being quiet, passive, sitting still, and playing with Barbie dolls.

People do not neatly fall into gender-defined boxes and patterns, no matter how badly you want them to.

I cited, for Swift, examples from the Bible of women who were ordained by God to lead men and women, to teach men (such as Apostle Junia, Deborah in the Old Testament, etc).

I at first was going to link to Mr. Swift’s page about singleness with a recommendation for it.

However, Swift, who makes himself out to be a Christian single, he is very sexist, Misogynistic, anti-singlehood, rude, condescending, and bitter (really, he is – I know a lot of married Christians try to shut down singles who want to air legitimate grievances by calling them “bitter,” but if you read through this guy’s blog, particularly his comments to me, he comes off as quite bitter).

I’m not sure of Swift’s age, but he seems to be in his early or mid 20s, very little life experience is evidenced, very narrow views of how life and relationships ‘should’ be, or how he thinks women “should” be permeate his thoughts.

Here is the first thread of Swift’s blog where I left several comments last night – initially, all my blog posts on his blog went through instantly, but now he has them set to moderation:

(Link) Single ladies, I’m ready to provide, are you ready to cook?

As I explained in a post on Swift’s page (“Single ladies, I’m ready to provide, are you ready to cook?”), I suppose there is nothing wrong with a man having a personal preference for a more demure, passive type partner…

Nor is it necessarily wrong, I guess, if both a man and a woman fully consent to enter a marriage based on a 1950s “Ward and June Cleaver” model, where the husband works all day and the wife stays at home all day baking bread.

However, these days, that sort of lifestyle is not achievable for most people; it takes two incomes, the man and women working, to pay the bills.

Anyway, my problem with this guy is mostly his tone. He demands that all women every where, or any women who enters his life, live by his very rigid gender roles.

He comes off as being very controlling.

I tried to explain to this guy that if he does not re-evaluate and re-consider his attitudes towards women, he will either

1. remain single a very long time (or forever), or

2. will attract only emotionally damaged women

And usually, in scenario 2, such women may develop severe depression and anxiety, and a divorce by either spouse may be a result.

Women who have depression (and / or anxiety) often cannot function. They cannot perform daily chores or tasks, or so much as get out of bed daily and brush their teeth, let alone dust the furniture, cook, do laundry, etc., because their mental health problems prohibit it.

As people grow older, they change over time: their personality, or desires in life, or goals. This is a FACT of life this guy denied, if I remember right.

The person you are when you are at 40 years old is not the same person you are when you were 20. (I’m not even the same now as I was just three years ago.) This ‘changing with age’ business is especially true FOR WOMEN.

That is, you can start out a marriage when you are 25 years of age to a submissive, passive wife, but as she grows older and gains more life experience, she may change her mind about various things – including you.

She may tire of playing the submissive role and demand a change, or she may just decide to divorce.

In a comment to another woman on his blog, Swift said he is advocating submission for any woman he marries, not slavery or being a doormat.

I told Swift that his views on “submission” read the same to me as sexism or slavery. I honestly did not see much of a difference and still do not.

This guy is so incredibly condescending towards me and other females who visit his blog, he will never get a girlfriend, much less get married.

Continue reading “Misogynistic Christian Single Guy Blog – Keeping Singles Single Re Frank Swift of Geek in the Wilderness”

Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

Single Adults Why They Stay and Why They Stray (from church) Book Excerpts

Note: several questionable people have roles in this book, in the form of editing, or as contributors, such as…

    – a gender complementarian, Wayne Grudem; gender complementarianism (Link):

is not biblical

    ;
    -neither is “biblical counseling,” yet Edward T. Welch, who is a “biblical counselor” also had some kind of role in this book,
    – C. J. Mahaney – accused of being involved in a ten year cover up of child sexual abuse at his churches,

so I offer this link with a caveat.

The author of the particular chapter I am quoting seems okay, and I don’t see too much that I disagree with in his chapter.

What is really funny is that this book (I’m not sure when it was published, I am just now finding it today), echoes many of the things I’ve said on this blog before.

Edit: this book was published in 2003, but this is the first I am seeing it, or reading excerpts from it. It is incredible how the author noticed most of the same disturbing anti-singles views and trends that I have in this blog the last three years.

As I am a NEVER MARRIED woman, I am not going to present the full section under “divorce” in the chapter. You can visit the link to read it if you want.

The following is available for free on Google Books (this particular book is entitled “Pastoral Leadership for Manhood and Womanhood”) :
(Link): Single Adults in Your Ministry: Why They Stay and Why They Stray
by Dick Purnell

    … Do you know how many single adults sit in your congregation each Sunday? Recently I was speaking in a church to three thousand people. I asked for all the people who were unmarried and twenty-two years old or older to stand up. Over a thousand people stood up! The audience was surprised and gasped at the large number…

Do you realize that the number of single adults in America exceeds the total national population of all but eleven of the world’s 192 nations? How shocked would you be to discover that the number of single parents is greater than the entire population of Colorado and Tennesse combined?

According to the 2000 U.S. census 40 percent of all adults eighteen and older (forty-eight million) are single. We are seeing a tremendous shift in American social values.

The median age of a first-time marriage is now twenty-five among women and twenty-seven among men. The fastest growing family type is single parents.

If your church is in an urban area, the percentage of single adults near you is much higher than a rural area. Singles gravitate to the cities for jobs, things to do, and others to meet. They are searching for connection and community.

They are often afraid of loneliness, commitment, and isolation. Most of those under thirty have never been married. The average age of a married person’s first divorce is thirty-four. That means after years of marriage, they are thrown back into the dating scene. They feel awkward and unprepared. They face the same relationship challenges that teens face, but they feel out of place.

One woman said to me, “I am now single, but I feel married. I don’t want to be single, but that was forced on me.” They have been out of the dating world for so long that they have very little idea what to do. And no one is helping them or even having a discussion about some of these issues.

Most singles are invisible to churches.

… They represent every economic stratum you can imagine – everything from presidents of major corporations to the unemployed and all in between. Fifty-three percent of all unchurched adults are single.

But our churches are built on a mind-set of marriage, and singles are often neglected. They are the “Great Invisible Mission Field.” However, businesses are very aware of singles. If you look at the advertising on television or in magazines, you will find that a huge number of ads are geared to attract single people.

Sports clothing, beer, cell phones, and a myriad of other products are marketed to singles. They have the largest amount of discretionary income. But the church in general has a difficult time attracting them and capturing their attention and commitment.

Many single adults believe that the church excludes and ignores them. They feel like the church is either neglecting them or is just not interested in them. So single adults vote with their feet. They come to church for a few months or years; but when their needs are not addressed or they never hear a sermon addressed to their unique issues, they fade away and go somewhere else – or stop going to church altogether. They hear sermons preached on topics such as “How to be a Godly Husband” or “Becoming a Godly Wife.” But they have never heard a sermon on “How to be a Godly Single Adult.”

… [Singles] don’t stay because there is no emotional glue to keep them there. They are not the “squeaky wheel” that is going to ask the pastor to give a sermon directed toward them or to pound on the door of the budget meeting pressuring for more funding. They just fade away.

Are you desperate to attract single adults to your ministry and get them involved? Here is my top ten list on “Why Single Adults Are Turned Off by the Church.”

Number 10: Frivolous jokes degrade the single lifestyle.
Grandparents, pastors, and married friends all have jokes about singles. All the married people laugh, but the single buries the snub under a weak smile.

I was single for forty-two years. When I served as an assistant pastor in my middle thirties, I heard lots of good-natured jokes, but often the ribbing was not funny to me. “Hey, are you afraid to take the responsibility for a mate?” Here I was in charge of several significant ministries in the church, and they tell me I’m afraid to take responsibility?

“Maybe you are just too picky. Are you looking for a perfect wife?” In other words, if you lower your standards you may get somebody.

“You’re not getting any younger, you know.” That was supposed to pressure me to get moving? Sometimes I would get the big one: “What are you waiting for?” Like I better hurry up before I miss the “right one.” But isn’t there a sovereign God? His timing may not be my timing – or the timing of the people who ask me to hurry up.

In trying to encourage me, people would give what I call romantic testimonies: “I finally gave everything to God, and six months later I found the right one.” But I was forty years old and had been a full-time minister for over fifteen years.

Was there something I had not given up to God that some married twenty-year-old ha already given up to God? All the marriage formulas that people give singles may be individual experience they had, but those formulas are not normative for all believers. Why should I seek the holy grail of marriage if God wants me to be content in every situation?

After four years as a pastor, I resigned from my church. Even though I was no longer was the pastor, I continued to attend the church. A single female friend of mine from Kansas came to our city one weekend to visit some of her college buddies. I brought her to the 11 A.M. church service. As we were walking down the aisle, an elderly usher led us to a front row for seating. The organ was softly playing and everybody was kind of quiet. When we stopped to turn into the row, he handed my friend a bulletin and said to me loudly so most of the people could hear, “Hey Dick, when are you going to marry her?” I wanted to die right there, but first I wanted to punch his lights out.

These kinds of jokes will not attract singles to your church! No way! They degrade single life as if the only bright future is for married people. That idea is not found in the Bible. Even the apostle Paul stated that an unmarried person can have undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Cor. 7:32-35). He did not consider singleness a joking matter.

Number 9: Church leadership is mainly interested in the interests and needs of married people.
The pastor and leaders are usually all married with very little significant empathy or understanding of the unique needs and concerns of single adults.

Single Christians are rarely eligible to be members of the governing board. There are very few single senior pastors. The silent criterion of marriage eliminates singles from serving in many aspects of the typical church. If you carry that to a logical conclusion, the Apostle Paul would not be qualified to be a pastor or elder. Even Timothy would be shut out of the opportunity for leadership.

After four years as an assistant pastor, I wanted to become a senior pastor. I had a total of fifteen years experience in the ministry and two Master’s degrees. However, when I sent in my resumes, not one church ever asked me to candidate, because I had to write on the front page of the resume my marital status: “Single.” Who wants a senior pastor who is single?

It was a bitter experience. I was unqualified to be a senior pastor of a church because I did not have the “Mrs.” degree. Many men graduating from seminary have tremendous pressure put on them. If they want to rise above the level of youth pastor, they must be married. Why is marriage the unspoken golden key that unlocks the door to pastor advancement?

Number 8: Budgeted funds for single ministry are usually inadequate or nonexistent.
Many churches don’t budge anything for singles. When the churches that have budgeted some funds for singles ministry must cut the budget somewhere, the singles ministry often is the one that gets the ax. “Singles are adults – they can handle it,” the budget committee says. But the message that gets across is, “You are not as important as other people in our church.”

… The message the singles hear is loud and cleaer: “You are the lowest on the totem pole. Your needs come last. You are not worth our paying a minister who can meet your needs.” Therefore, singles respond with their feet. They say, “I’m out of here.”

Number 7: Singles feel the church neglects them.
They feel like barnacles on the side of the church ship – there but forgotten. Marriage is espoused as the norm, and singles just don’t fit the model.

I have conducted over three hundred single adult conferences throughout America, Canada, and twelve other countries. Yet only nine senior pastors stopped by to observe and/or greet the crowd.

The even was in their church, in their building, and these are adults. I remember each of the nine because they are so rare….

Number 6: There is a perception that single adults are morally loose.

If a person is not married by mid-twenties, there is something wrong, it is generally thought. A particular church was in the process of trying to hire a youth pastor. Since they could not find one for over a year, they held a congregational meeting to explain the progress they were making. The elder in charge presented all kinds of reasons for the delay in locating the right person for the position. At the end of his explanation, I stopped up and asked, “Does the person you are looking for have to be married?”

You could have heard a pin drop on the carpet. People gasped. It was the unthinkable question. The elder hemmed, and he hawed, and he slithered all over the platform. All I wanted was a yes or no. He was very obviously unnerved by my question. Finally some lady in the very back said, “What we need is a role model for the young girls. So I think he should be married.”

“You mean to tell me, in this entire congregation there is not one woman who’s a role model for the girls?” Silence.

“I tell you what I think the real reason is. You are afraid that a single pastor would be sexually frustrated and have sex with one of the teenage girls. Out of all the pastors I have known personally, four have had affairs and left the ministry in disgrace. Each of them was married. Almost all the other pastors I have read about in magazines and books who have committed adultery were married. True, married people do not have a corner on the market in becoming immoral. But you should not be prejudiced against a single adult simply because he is single.”

I tried to tell them that some of the best youth pastors in America are single. I wasn’t a very popular guy after that. The elders eventually hired a youth pastor. Yes, he was married.

Some churches won’t allow singles to teach Sunday school for fear these men and women will succumb to sexual temptation. That is unfounded fear. We all need the power of God to overcome temptation. Don’t single out single people as the most likely to succumb. That is unfair and inaccurate. Single adults want to be respected and trusted. Let them show by their faithfulness that they have a genuine relationship with God.

Number 5: Marriage is portrayed as normal for everybody.
If someone is not married by thirty something, there must be something wrong with him or her.
(please click on the “continue reading/ read more” link to see rest of the post. Thank you)

Continue reading “Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts”

Sick of Being Single / I Am So Sick and Tired of Being Single Alone Unmarried Lonely

Sick of Being Single / Sick and Tired of Being Single Alone Unmarried

My main reason for making this post? Apparently there are a lot of people out there doing a search on the web for pages that contain the phrase “I’m so sick and tired of being single,” or something like it. So here’s a thread for you folks!

On this blog, I discuss singleness a lot – as a semi-former Christian (I’m not sure if I’m sticking with the faith or not), so in particular, I discuss how singleness is viewed by Christians, though I do occasionally post material about singleness from secular sources, or stereotypes secular culture has about singles.

You can go through lots of old posts on this blog if this is the first post of mine you’re reading, and please definitely check out (Link): my “About” page.

Even though I have a background as a Christian and am right wing, if you happen to be liberal, an atheist, or what have you, you’re welcome to post about your experiences about being single, as long as you’re respectful towards me (see the (Link): Policy on Dissent post).

I’m at a point (I’m in my early 40s now, was engaged once, but never married), where I’m at peace with being single, with occasional days or periods where I’m sad or frustrated by it. I guess I’ve gotten so used to being single that it doesn’t bother me too much as it did in my mid 30s, or not as much, or not as often.

Here are a few older posts from my blog (click the “continue reading” or “read more” link to see the links to those older posts):

Continue reading “Sick of Being Single / I Am So Sick and Tired of Being Single Alone Unmarried Lonely”

Focusing on the Family Causes Church Decline

Focusing on the Family Causes Church Decline

I read a long book review at Christianity Today. I posted about this before, in regards to a Mefferd radio program where Meffered interviewed an author who wrote a book where the author theorizes church decline is on the increase because Americans are not marrying and having children (see (Link): this post).

Here’s the problem: most conservative Christians bemoan the fact that churches are in decline due to lower marriage and birth rates, and they feel the solution is, that is, the fix, to get more people into church, is that Christians have to tell Christian youth to marry at age 21 and have ten kids apiece. In other words, push marriage even more than they have been doing the past 40 or more years.

Why is this a problem? Because this approach is anti-biblical. ANTI BIBLICAL.

Jesus Christ said spiritual family is to take priority over flesh and blood family. Jesus Christ emphasized that his kingdom is to be increased by believers telling non-believers (non family, people who are not related to them) the Gospel message.

I suspect that Jesus realized that many cultures have the tendency to use biological family as a safety net, which means anyone who lacks a family, that is, any one who never marries, or they marry, but their spouse dies and they are childless, is without a support system.

I’d guess Jesus also realized that some cultures would worship family (i.e., (Link): Chinese and Japanese ancestor worship).

I recently made a post (Link): detailing the problem about Mormons worshipping the nuclear family.

If the contemporary American Christian church treated singles and singlehood with as much devotion and interest as they do nuclear family and the already-married, attendance might go through the roof.

About half the adult American population is currently single. But most singles feel ostracized, ignored, or, if they are noticed, insulted, by preachers and church laity.

When you are insulting or overlooking about half the American population, and turning them away with your attitude (such as, clear preference for marrieds over singles), that should be a huge clue to you that your priorities are out of whack.

Focusing on marriage even more is not the way to get marriage rates to increase ((Link): as I’ve written about before), but more emphasis will actually repel singles from church.

If you want marriages to increase, it means helping an un-married Christian woman meet and date an un-married Christian man – but churches refuse to play this role.

Indeed, churches typically act as impediments to singles who desire marriage.

Such Christians, and even (Link): very annoying pious singles who don’t want marriage, say Christians should not use church as a match-maker capacity, lest it turn church into a “meat market,” as they claim (wrongly!), a church’s only function is “Bible study” and other abstract religious practices.

Still other churches will tell what few singles they do have in attendance that rather than trying to make marriage happen, platitudes are issued to encourage singles to remain single, such as, “be content in your singleness” or, “Jesus is all you need.”

Conservative Christians twist their hands in worry that Christians are not marrying, but when an un-married Christian single mentions her hopes and worries about getting married one day, those very same “woe is me, marriage is not happening among Christians” type of Christians will chide that single for wanting marriage, or for trying to get married!

Such Christians will tell the unhappy single who wants marriage things such as, “You are turning marriage into an idol. Jesus is all you need. Your earthly happiness does not matter, keep eternity in mind instead.”

As a result, the un-married woman feels very ill at ease in most churches, and not very welcomed.

Not only is the single Christian woman shamed by Christians for wanting marriage, or asking church members for help in this area, but with all the constant sermonizing on marriage from the pulpit (i.e., “Today’s sermon: Ten steps to having a great marriage!”), with all the church activities geared towards the already-married (“This Wednesday night: potluck suppers for the family at 6 PM in the church dining area, bring your kids, eat with the family!”), with the negative stereotypes among Christians, such as – all single Christian women are harlots, homosexuals, or losers – single women get tired of all this (as do the single males), so the singles stop attending church.

So all we are left with are already-married people with children in church.

If your goal is to get singles married off, start paying positive attention to the singles – and to singles in their 30s and older, not just the 20 somethings, for the love of God.

If you want marriage to increase among Christians, make singles feel welcome at your church (and treat singleness with respect in Christian culture).

This could entail things such as…

1. -Take active steps to get singles married, such as hosting more singles mixers on church property, or off-property.

2. -Church wide, hold a regular prayer routine where the married Christians ask God to send the singles spouses

3. Stop perpetuating marriage/sex/single stereotypes, such as…

-All single Christian women are horny whores who cannot be left alone with a married man
(it is true that women have sex drives but it is not true that all women will cheat with a married man);
-There’s something “wrong,” “weird” or “flawed” with someone if they’ve not married by age 25 to 35 – 40
-Singles are not as sexually pure or mature or godly as married people
-etc.

4. Stop with the platitudes that are keeping singles single, such as telling singles,
– “Jesus is all you need”
– “Be content in your singleness”

5. -Publish more blogs, radio shows, and books discussing the struggles singles face; preachers need to do more sermons about singleness, and I don’t mean the ones that contain platitudes as in point 4 above, or the simplistic “sex is for marriage only singles, remember that”

Here are quotes from the article by Jordan Hylden, (Link): Is Family Decline Behind Religious Decline?:

    Only the family factor does the trick [in explaining the decline in church attendance/membership in the USA]. As sociologist Brad Wilcox has shown, about a third of the recent decline in American adult church attendance can be “explained by the fact that fewer adults are now married with children.”

    Eberstadt [author] thinks this insight can be extended to much of European history, pointing out for instance that the French birthrate began declining as early as the late 18th century.

    The relative buoyancy of the American family, by contrast, likely explains why America has long been more religious than Europe.

    It is finally the birth control pill, which in the 1960’s made contraception widespread and detached sex from marriage, that did religion in—as birthrates went down and divorce rates went up, church attendance went into freefall.

    Eberstadt offers up some good reasons for why family and faith are connected. The miracle of birth, she argues, gives people a strong push toward the transcendent, and raising children points us toward the self-giving agape love that Christians believe is the heart of God.

    The fundamental question—what do we teach our children? —propels people to think about the sources of truth and goodness, and so to God and religious community.

    The Rest of the Story

    No doubt, there is much truth in such observations. But there is also much to question. Charles Taylor cites a passage from Dostoyevsky, contrasting one man’s wide-eyed wonder at the miracle of a newborn child with the very different reaction of the midwife, who only sees “a further development of the organism.”

    The miracle of life was really there, Dostoyevsky meant to say, but there was something about the social imagination of 19th century Russia that made it possible for some people to block it out.

    It is this something, what Taylor calls the modern “social imaginary,” that Eberstadt in the end does not adequately account for. Her treatment of the role played by the Reformation, the Enlightenment, and modern science is deeply inadequate, greatly discounting their importance.

    She fails even to mention the intellectual roots of these shifts in late-medieval theology, as the theologian John Milbank and others have argued for.

    Taylor and Milbank, by contrast, tell a story that goes something like this: Once upon a time, everyone lived in an enchanted world, filled with spirits and magic. In the West, the rise of Judaism and Christianity began to displace the spirits —only the one true God was almighty, and the spirits were either worthless idols or weaklings in the face of the Lord’s power.

    Christ, as it were, began to cast out the spirits from the world. But the ancient and medieval church’s sacramentalism kept the world enchanted, only now with the grace of God.

    This began to retreat with the Reformation, when God’s presence shifted from the sacraments and the priests to the Word alone. Nothing was enchanted now, except the Word.

    This Word marched forth, carrying with it a powerful drive to reform European society after its demands. To a large extent, it succeeded, but at the same time religious conflict unleashed years of bloody war.

    Many became skeptical that the Word could really bring about reform, but gained confidence that we could reform the world ourselves. For the first time in history, it became possible to conceive of an “exclusive humanism.”

    Secular politics, science, and technology became humanism’s tools, and as time went on these took hold of more and more of human activity and imagination. God became a hypothesis that society had little need for.

    Meanwhile, the post-Reformation churches had some success at mobilizing believers, in a new world in which faith was no longer simply part of everyday social life. But the church all too often allied itself with fading political regimes, discrediting it in the eyes of many.

    The First World War’s senseless violence shattered for a generation the old Christendom synthesis of church and state, and Europe’s churches have never been the same.

    The church held on in America, since the war did not shatter us like it did the Europeans, and because our churches were not in any case allied so tightly with the state.

    But the 1960s began to change that, as the civil rights movement and Vietnam began to topple the confidence of many in the American Establishment, and insofar as the “mainline” churches were viewed as part of the status quo.

    The American social imagination split in two, and ever since then has been characterized by culture wars, with most of religion on the conservative side.

    By not telling this story, Eberstadt has left out the lion’s share of “how the West really lost God.”

    No doubt, her “family factor” played its part, and she is at her most convincing when she shows how family decline was part of a broader trend toward modern individualism.

    She never claims that family decline is solely responsible, but she claims far too much for it.

    It is an odd story of Western secularization that leaves to one side most of what Western culture has thought and imagined in its common life about God. // end of article excerpt

If the only way a church can grow, or remain stable, is by people marrying and having babies, you are “doing church wrong.”

Jesus Christ did not teach that the church would grow via marriage and “baby-making.” Christ taught the direct opposite: believers would share the Gospel the world over with non-believers they were not related to.

If churches followed the teachings of Jesus Christ, their attendance records would be stable or on the increase: by reaching out to everyone and anyone, not ONLY “married with kids” couples!

Jesus instructed Christians to go after the “least of these,” which would include anyone who does not fit the vintage American ideal of normalcy and success: middle class, white, married- with- kids.

Churches ought to go after the widowed, divorced, and the never-married, and the childless and childfree with as much fervor as they seek and cater to “married with children” couples, but too often, churches exclude these groups.

Most churches remain clueless, arrogantly fixated on reaching the already-married with kids, and fringe, highly specific groups, such as homeless crack addicts, starving African orphans, and now, kids caught in sex trafficking.

If you are “Average Joe American Singleton,” most churches don’t give a rat’s ass about you, and it shows. You feel it when you walk into a church. And it is “Average Joe Singleton” that makes up to about half the American population these days but churches remain oblivious or they just don’t care that they are excluding this huge number of this type of people.

Link Dump – Virginity in Venezuela, Christian Sex Hang Ups and Gender Hang Ups – other Links

Link Dump – Virginity in Venezuela, Christian Sex Hang Ups

Link 1. From Christian Post:
(Link 1): How Do You Know If You Were Supposed to Marry Your Spouse?

Link 2. Yeah, good luck with that – I’ve already given up on the “virginity until marriage” propaganda spewed out by Christians.

(Link 2): 5,000 Venezuelan Youths Attend Luis Palau Fest; Thousands Commit to Sexual Purity

    By Jessica Martinez , CP Contributor
    July 11, 2013

    Some 45,000 people attended a youth festival hosted by evangelist Luis Palau in Venezuela last weekend, with thousands committing to sexual purity until marriage during the event.

    Festival goers descended upon the bicentennial fairgrounds of Barquisimeto, Venezuela, for Juventud Libre 2013, where Palau preached about faith and change under the theme, “Venezuela, open your heart to hope.” The event focused on offering an optimistic outlook for the nation’s future in light of its current political and social unrest, which caused 4,000 youths to dedicate their lives to God while the crowd chanted “yes to sexual purity.”

Link 3 discusses:

Churches depicting women (even married ones, so that’s a refreshing change of pace, usually it’s the singles) as sexual temptresses, and, in another rarity, one church instructs males to keep their shirts buttoned up (usually it’s the females who get the insipid “modesty” lectures), and sexual hang-ups by various churches are addressed.

I don’t condone abuse or neglect of women or children, but, I do have to commend this one Christian cult for at least pointing out that motherhood has been made into an idol by some Christians; they are at least right on that score.

(Link 3): Spiritual Abuse in Churches From book about Church abuse; author made the whole book available for free online.

    Chapter 7

    …Women of C-U ministries were totally submissive to males and were barred from leadership or decision-making roles, as well as from work outside the home. Pam says that, “It got to the point where what I had to say usually got suppressed because I knew it was a waste of time to discuss it. I’d lose.”

    …Unfortunately, the harshness of the discipline extended to the children as well. Pam says, “I could cry over some of the spankings they received. Bruised bottoms. They were even calloused.”

    … In December of 1987, ten-year-old Aaron Norman died as result of medical neglect and a beating administered by his father and Doug Kleber. The boy suffered from juvenile diabetes but his parents did not obtain medical care for him, preferring to rely on the healing power of prayer.

    When his physical condition worsened and prayer did not seem to be effective, elders of the church were consulted to determine what the problem was.

    According to a story in the June 21, 1988 issue of the Chicago Tribune, the elders determined that Aaron had sinned. The sin was masturbation, but Aaron would not confess to the sin.

    His father decided to spank Aaron with a board because the Holy Spirit had told him that he had been masturbating. As the Spokane County deputy prosecutor stated, “His father and the elders ‘rebuked’ Aaron to confess, but he wouldn’t. Aaron’s father and Kleber then beat the child . . . A wooden paddle was used at some point until Aaron confessed. On Sunday morning when his parents awoke, Aaron was dead. There were severe bruises on his buttocks.”

    [Regarding another wacko church:]

    …Like many other abusive churches, the Two-by-Two’s impose a restrictive and rigorous life-style on the membership. Women adherents shun makeup and wear long, uncut hair wrapped tightly in buns on the tops of their heads. Jewelry is proscribed, while plain dresses are the norm. Slacks, shorts, and sleeveless blouses are forbidden in public.

    They submit to the men of the group who tend to wear dark-colored clothes and carry black-covered King James Versions of the Bible. Marriages are performed by civil authorities only, since church “workers” do not register with state officials.

    Conformity to a strict life-style is expected of all children and young people in the Truth. They are discouraged from participating in after-school sports and other social activities. Their circle of friends does not extend beyond the group.

    Continue reading “Link Dump – Virginity in Venezuela, Christian Sex Hang Ups and Gender Hang Ups – other Links”

Christian Gender Stereotypes Prevent Singles From Marrying – Re: Hunger Games

Christian Gender Stereotypes Prevent Singles From Marrying – Re Hunger Games

Many Christian singles have said online that gender stereotypes is one thing that is keeping them single, even though they want to be married. I’ve also seen this brought up in books by Christian singles that discuss singleness.

Here’s a web page that addresses one aspect of Christian gender stereotypes:

(Link Now Removed): What The Hunger Games Taught Me (and the Church Should Have) about Men

-THIS POST LIKELY TO BE DELETED IN THE FUTURE-
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Related posts, this blog:

How Christians Keep Christians Single part 2 – The Unmarried Movie

Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

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Cheating Married Christian Women and Lessons I Take Away – and Being a Virgin Does Not Guarantee God will Send You a Spouse

Cheating Married Christian Women and Lessons I Take Away – and Being a Virgin aka Sexually Pure Does Not Guarantee God will Send You a Spouse

This post touches on two or three subjects I’ve raised before.

First, the erroneous assumption by many Christians (usually married) that singles are sleazy sleaze buckets with excessive libidos who fornicate all over the place, while married Christian couples are always sexually pure and never sexually sin.

Secondly, there’s an idea floated around in some Christian material (usually books about dating and marriage, but at times, in sermons) that having pre-marital sex (or committing other sorts of sexual sin) will prevent a Christian from getting married (or from staying married).

It's Magical
It’s Magical

It’s usually murky on whether or not the Christian author or speaker means to imply that God is (A.) directly punishing you for your sexual sin by with-holding a spouse from you, or (B.) if they mean to say it’s a natural consequence of your sexual sin. I usually assume they mean it’s A., rather than B.

However, I’ve not seen evidence of A. Well, not even of B, really.

On the contrary, I keep seeing televised testimonies on Christian programs such as “The 700 Club” or “Praise the Lord” by spouses who say their Christian spouse has a history of cheating, but they stayed with the spouse anyway. It’s sometimes a male who admits to cheating on a spouse, but every so often, one will see a female confessing to adultery.

I suppose such testimonies are intended to make the viewer think about forgiveness and grace, that we can see from this the grace God extends to sinners.

I walk away with the opposite impression. Here’s the lesson I get from these testimonies: it does not matter if you stray from a spouse and/or engage in sexual sin prior to marriage, because you can still get a spouse (including a Christian one);
Or, the other side of the lesson I take away is,
If you are already married and cheat, your believing spouse will not divorce you over the cheating.
In summary: There is no penalty for pre-marital sex or for cheating, or it’s not a large one, or sexual sin does not prevent one from getting a spouse, or not every one who engages in sexual sin suffers a negative penalty from it.

And hence (flip side of coin), there is no incentive to remain sexually pure and chaste.

Continue reading “Cheating Married Christian Women and Lessons I Take Away – and Being a Virgin Does Not Guarantee God will Send You a Spouse”

There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One

There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or Being Called to Either One

The following reader response (by gortexgrrl) appeared on a blog by a guy named Jeremy, who read a blog post about singleness by another guy named Kostenberger and blogged about it.

Gortexgrrl references Debbie Maken in passing in one of her posts below. I do not agree with all of author Debbie Maken’s views.

Maken pushes for something called “marriage mandate,” and despite what goretexgrrl states below, Maken does go a little “blame the victim” on women who desire marriage, yet who still find themselves unmarried into their 30s and older.

Yes, Maken seems to most heavily blame men for women being single, but I’ve read comments by Maken on other blogs and excerpts of her books, and she does blame women a little bit – she assumes if you are a woman who is still single at 35 or 40, it’s because you didn’t do enough to get a spouse when you were 25, or there was something more you could have done.

The Makens of the world refuse to acknowledge that marriage is often beyond a person’s control: you can join every dating site on the planet and go to every singles church function known to mankind and still find yourself single at 40.

Here are the posts where “Gift of Singleness/ Celibacy” was discussed:

Regarding “Gift of Singleness / Celibacy” and 1 Corinthians 7:7

By gortexgrrl 

The confusion created by the three different meanings of the “gift of singleness” that you’ve aptly described in your first post would seem to be good enough reason for everyone to just abandon the term altogether.

The “gift of singleness” is a term that appears nowhere in the Bible. Nor does “the gift of celibacy”.

When I posted my concerns about the problems created by the “GOS” [Gift Of Singleness] on Kostenberger’s blog, they were removed (along with others, particularly those that questioned whether or not he had actually read Maken’s book, since he seemed to suggest that it was about blaming women, when the blame was really more heavily directed towards men).

Free speech. Academic freedom. Do any of those things have any meaning in the minds of theologians? Here’s one of my posts, you can critique my thoughts on “the gift of singleness” as well as the question of censorship while you’re at it:

Unfortunately, I must vehemently disagree with the glowing reviews in the posts above and object to this mischaracterization of Maken’s book. She does NOT say “women who are in their late 20s or in their 30s and still unmarried have got only themselves to blame for lack of effort”.

If anything, she lets the women off the hook and blames single men and faulty church teachings for the current epidemic of protracted singleness among Christians.

Maken’s critique of the man situation would have been better if she had not indulged in an imbalanced “man bashing” and if she had acknowledged the severe shortage of men in our churches (which is indeed the greatest cause of protracted singleness among the female faithful). However, her indictment of problematic church teachings was ABSOLUTELY GROUNDBREAKING, especially in “rethinking the ‘gift of singleness’”.

With all due respect, there’s no such thing as “The Gift of Singleness”. The original biblical texts use no such term.

“GOS” first appeared in the Living Bibles of the 70’s, and later in The Message, perhaps to mitigate or update the Catholic notion of “the gift of celibacy” (also not biblical). 1 Cor 7:7 in the NRSV reads

“I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has a particular gift from God, one having one kind and another a different kind.”

Paul states his own preference regarding singleness/celibacy (scholars have debated for years which one) and makes a aside about the uniqueness (“IDIOS”) in how God gifts us (“CHARISMA”: grace gift, not ’spiritual gift’ per se) using a phrase common to Greek speakers to this day “HOS MEN HOUTO DE HOS HOUTO”, which has an INDEFINITE meaning: “like this and like this (and like this, etc.) It’s meaning is NOT either/or, as in “gift of marriage” or “GOS”, it’s less specific than that!

In light of “the present distress” (v.26) the option of singleness/celibacy is presented by Paul as a RECOMMENDATION, not a “gift”.

Continue reading “There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One”

Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)

Christian Gender Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Singles

Some Christians, who are alarmed over the decline of traditional marriage, the rise of feminism, the practice of abortion, and other such issues, react by preaching the wonders of “biblical gender roles” (aka “gender complementarianism”) in which they perpetuate secular stereotypes about both genders (thinking these stereotypes are “biblical” when they are not), which they think or hope will stabilize the culture, but which contribute to keeping Christians desirous of marriage single for many years.

The following blog post addresses these issues, not in regards to singleness specifically, but you can see how it fits in with some of the themes I’ve brought up on this blog, which does focus more on singleness:

I Am Not a Sex-Fueled Robot by Micah J. Murray

Source:
redemptionpictures.com/2013/06/27/sex-robot/

Excerpts:

by Micah J. Murray

They say that men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get love.

If this is true, then marriage is nothing but a market exchange where we trade emotion for flesh in a desperate attempt to satisfy our own cravings. If this is true, I am simply a customer settling a invoice with flowers and kisses, my wife is a deluxe call girl with a long-term contract, and love is a filthy currency.

As a newlywed man, with stockpiled marriage advice ringing in my ears, the sex/love economy hung heavy over my head. I worried about whether I was paying the fair market price of love for the sex I was getting. I worried that my wife wasn’t really interested in sex at all, but she just went along with it because it was in the small print on our marriage contract. No matter how many times she assured me otherswise, I couldn’t shake the feeling that sex was only a means to an end for her. I couldn’t shake the fear that she would think my love for her was only a way to get into her pants.

Rather than rejecting the sex/love economy, Christian relationship advice just operates within it. Apparently talking about the profound differences between men and women is a good way to sell books and fill up marriage conferences. Women are painted as mysterious creatures that must be decrypted before they can be understood, and then the secret to understanding your spouse is promised between the covers of whatever book is popular this year. And it’s all fun and games until you’re a confused newlywed trying to figure out all the secrets to loving your wife with fear of failure hanging low and heavy above your head.

I’ve given up on all that now.

Continue reading “Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)”

Sterling Example of How Christians are Keeping Single Christians Single Forever (Re Very Long Courtship List)

Sterling Example of How Christians are Keeping Single Christians Single Forever

I first came across this weirdo pre-courtship list at the (Link): “Stuff Fundies Like” site.

This is a list of questions that a father of a single woman would make her boyfriend answer. Some assume an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist wrote this bizarre list (guaranteed to keep a single single forever!), but someone else said, no, it was written by a funadmentalist Prebyterian. I have no idea who first wrote it.

Some Christians are wigging out – usually the married, conservative ones, and if they even notice – that many Christians are not marrying at all these days, or not marrying until later in life, and are not having babies.

Conservative Christians don’t seem to realize that the very obstacle in getting Christian singles to marry is stupid, counter-productive conservative Christian courting, dating, and gender role (“all men are like such and such, all women are like thus and so“) advice, which amounts to telling men to stay away from women and vice versa, because any and all encounters will end in sex, and fornication, specifically, pre-marital sex, is perhaps the greatest sin EVER!

After you read the list below, please see this series of posts at this blog: (Link): How Christians are Keeping Single Christians Single

The list (appeared at “Stuff Fundies Like” blog) – and it is VERY LONG, around 400+ items:
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The Pre-Courtship Questionnaire

An SFL reader passed along this pre-courtship questionnaire checklist received from a church in fundy circles. Keep in mind, this is the Pre-courtship questionnaire, just to see if you qualify.

Life Influences
1. Do you ever seek advice from others?
2. How often do you seek counsel?
3. Who do you seek counsel from?
4. What type of things do you ask counsel about?
5. Would you be humble enough to go to counseling if I felt we need to?
6. Will you go to counseling even if you don’t feel the need to go, but I do?
7. Will you go the first time you are asked?
8. Are you humble about seeking counsel or do you already have all the answers?
9. Are you willing for us to share our problems with a counselor?
10. Would you include your wife as a counselor?
11. Would you ask my opinion or my advice before making decisions? (Especially big ones?)What are the primary events or situations in your life that have defined who you are today–the most formulating experiences and periods of your life?
12. What have been the hardest things you have ever had to work through? The hardest things you have ever done?
13. Who have been the main disciplers in your life and the people who have impacted and colored your life the most? As a child, adult–whenever.
14. Who were your role models and heroes? For what reasons?
15. You are the result of the influence of which people?
16. Which women/men do you admire the most and want to be like? Why? In which ways?
17. Which qualities and personality traits do you see in other women/men that you desire to have yourself?
18. What personality traits and/or strengths do you see in women/men you know that you would desire for your wife/husband to possess?
19. What did you grow up reading/watching? What books have had the greatest impact in defining who you are–children’s books, fiction, history, theology, anything. Which authors have you always most enjoyed and/or admired? What films have been influential?
20. Do you read?
21. What do you read?

Your Spiritual Life
22. What are things you see as God’s blessings? Do you desire and cherish these things?
23. Would you be willing to die for Christ? If you’re not dying daily, how can you be so sure you would then?
24. What breaks your heart? What delights your innermost heart?
25. Are you a spiritual person?
26. What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
27. What ministries do you serve in?
28. What can you offer your spouse, spiritually?
29. Who are your disciples?
30. When did you really start to seek the Lord?
31. When did you start to obey the Word because it was the Word?
32. What do you believe about Salvation?
33. When did [fruit of the Spirit x] start appearing in your life?
34. What is a besetting sin? What are yours?
35. What do you believe about sin? What do you believe about Rom 6 & 7?
36. What do you think about your family? Are you good friends? How is sibling ____ doing?
37. What does theology mean? Just lists of doctrines?
38. How do you get doctrine? How do you determine right doctrine?
39. What is your attitude towards historically held positions?
40. How big is your vision for your disciple-making influence?
41. What are your main messages?
42. Are you pursuing and involving yourself in fruitful projects that advance/build the kingdom?
43. Are you interested in/focused on continual spiritual growth – in yourself, your wife, and your family?
44. What is your heart towards the lost soul and what do you believe your duty to God is regarding that soul?
45. What is your vision for the Church?
46. What do you think are some of the main problems of the evangelical churches of today?
47. What do you think a Biblical Church looks like? How is it structured?
48. What is your view on the church and baptism, the church and communion, the church and evangelism?
49. What is the role of music in worship and the Church?
50. How many times have you read through your Bible?
51. Does God give you personal insights in His Word that are just for you?
52. Who do you share the insights with that God gives you?
53. How often do you have a prayer time?
54. When is your prayer time?
55. Do you have it on a regular basis?
56. About how long do you pray?
57. Do you have a prayer book or a prayer journal? Would you let me see it?
58. Do you plan for us to read the Bible together as a couple?
59. Do you plan to initiate Family Devotions with our future family?
60. Did your family have devotions together?
61. Who initiated the family devotions? Your Dad or Mom?
62. How often did you have family devotions?
63. What is your faith’s foundation?
64. Why do you believe what you believe?
65. Can you give me some examples?

Continue reading “Sterling Example of How Christians are Keeping Single Christians Single Forever (Re Very Long Courtship List)”