Elderly Widower Dude is a Slut Says Adult Daughter – Why Churches Need to Teach Celibacy Applies to Even Married People Not Just Under Age 25 Singles

Elderly Widower Dude is a Slut Says Adult Daughter – Why Churches Need to Teach Celibacy Applies to Even Married People Not Just Under Age 25 Singles

So this adult daughter writes to an advice columnist explaining that her elderly father lost his wife (her mother) a few years ago, and ever since, he has been a big slut. (Farther below, I have pasted in her letter to Dear Amy so you can read it for yourself.)

I’d like to point out that “slut shaming” happens to men too, but I usually only hear secular feminists complain that it happens to women.

The woman’s senior-aged father is sleeping around with numerous women, he has several girlfriends at a time, but keeps each girlfriend (GF) in the dark about all the other GFs.

The daughter is afraid someone, her dad, or one of the dad’s GFs, is going to get an S.T.I. (aka S.T.D.).

This is yet another reason Christians need to get over the mentality that teachings about sexual purity and celibacy are for young singles only.

Not only do you have never-married (or not- married- yet) adult singles over the age of 30 who are trying to remain sexually pure, there are plenty of whom are still virgins, but you get these married couples whose spouse dies at some point in their lives, and they go out and start having sex with a lot of people after the death.

Celibacy is not just for young singles, it’s for ~everyone~. !HELLO, Christian culture, HELLO preachers of America!

You have married couples where one partner loses his (or her) sex drive due to stress, physical health (illness), or one or both partners find the sex boring after several weeks or months. As a result, some marriage counselors are telling such partners to go have an extra-marital fling (an affair).

I wrote about that situation here:


Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

It’s not enough for churches to keep acting as though messages of sexual purity are for teens and college students only.

Another reason they need to step up: a lot of 20- somethings and 30- somethings today, ones who drift away from church or the faith now, reject a lot of the church’s teachings on sexuality – that is, the churches and preachers who even bother to teach that pre-marital sex is a sin at all, because many do not.

(See: (Link): Christian Preacher Admits He Won’t Preach About Sexuality / Sexual Sin For Fear It May Offend Sexual Sinners)

The problem is, a lot of these ex-Christians or uber- liberal Christian types feel that their conservative churches wrongly taught about sex. These types feel that the Bible does not speak out against sex outside of marriage, even though yes, it in fact does. So, they disregard about any and all limitations on sex at all.

Churches need to do a better job, and try a different approach of, speaking about sexual sin, because a lot of the 20-somethings are later rejecting or disregarding what they are hearing about sex in church when they later leave church.

The fact remains that even married adults need to hear sermons about sexual purity, because some of them are failing miserably at it.

If your husband takes a two week business trip, and you find yourself alone, are you going to sleep with your UPS delivery man, or next door neighbor, while the husband is gone?

If you are a married man whose wife is in the military, and she gets shipped overseas for a six month tour of duty, are you going to remain faithful to her, or whore it up with other women while she is away?

What if you’re 50 years old and your 50 year old spouse is physically disabled or gets early-onset dementia, are you going to be true to him or her, or start sleeping around?

Churches need to address those types of situations and stop assuming that sexual temptation and sin is something that besets ONLY 17 year old kids.

Here’s the letter:

Ask Amy: Randy widower worries his daughter

Dear Amy:

I’m really concerned my widower father is turning into something of a slut.

My mother passed away seven years ago, and then my father had the very unfortunate luck of having a girlfriend who succumbed to cancer a few years later.

I understand that he’s lonely, and needs affection that only a female companion would give, but he’s currently courting three women, none of whom know about each other.

I know it is none of my business, but I am actually frightened that these women he met online who so easily jump into bed with him will leave him with an STD.

I’ve heard that the spread of STDs is actually more prevalent among the older generation these days. What would you suggest I do to convince him that these trysts may be more than he bargained for, without overstepping boundaries?

He’s quite headstrong and rarely listens to me; what should I do?

— Concerned daughter

You see, preachers need to be preaching about sex in such a way that even married people understand that sex outside of marriage is SIN.

Because evidently, there are a lot of married men who feel okay and fine cheating on their wives while the wife is alive, or like the man in the letter above, they feel just fine engaging in fornication, and with multiple partners, once the wife dies.

Here was Amy’s reply:

Dear Concerned:

I shared your question with a spokesperson for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, who responded:
“While CDC continues to find that STDs disproportionately affect younger people in the U.S., it is important to understand that many older Americans face unique prevention challenges (e.g., discomfort in discussing sexual behaviors with physicians and partners and discomfort discussing condom use). It is also important for physicians to assess older patients’ risk.”

Older men may not have gotten the memo about wearing a condom. In their randy youth, condoms were used for birth control; now they are vital disease control devices. Your father could become infected and/or infect his partners.

Onto his sluttiness. There is not much you can (or should) do about his choice to sleep around.

The women he is seeing may also be mutually consenting (slutty) elders, and while this prospect isn’t quite what you want for your dear dad — it is what it is and you may have to accept it and only remind him to speak to his doctor about his risks.

Sexual promiscuity can be a sign of depression, however. If you feel he is out of control, you must do your best to urge him toward a mental health evaluation.

Related posts:

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link):  Sex and Alzheimer’s – Selfish, Perverted Husband Rapes His Alzheimer’s Wife

(Link): Married People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Spouses With Dementia / Married People Who Are Lonely

(Link): Widower to Advice Columnist Talks about Being Stereotyped by Married Couples or Ignored by Other Marrieds Since His Wife has Died

(Link): AARP post: How to Handle a Sexless Married Life – But Christians Promise You Great Hot Regular Married Sex

(Link): Horny Celibacy – Another Anti Virginity, Anti Sexual Purity Essay – Also discussed: Being Equally Yoked, Divorce, Remarriage

(Link): Grieving widow doesn’t need to start dating in order to heal (letter from advice column)

(Link): Widows and Childless and Childfree Have Better Well Being Than Married Couples and Parents says new study

(Link): “Family-ing” Single Adults by D. Franck – How Churches Can Minister to Single Adults
To Tweet:

Elderly Widower is Slut Says Daughter – Y Churches Need Teach Celibacy 2 Married Pple Not Just Teens https://christianpundit.wordpress.com/2014/03/18/elderly-widow-dude-is-a-slut-says-adult-daughter-why-churches-need-to-teach-celibacy-applies-to-even-married-people-not-just-under-age-25-singles/ #Celibacy

How Should We Then Marry? Singleness, marriage, and the church by Betsy Carlson

How Should We Then Marry? Singleness, marriage, and the church by Betsy Carlson

(Link): How Should We Then Marry? Singleness, marriage, and the church by Betsy Carlson


    Jan 2013

    Even though ours is a good-size church (attendance runs about 400), there aren’t too many singles; and, as in many churches, single women outnumber single men—although that doesn’t mean Christian men don’t consider it difficult finding someone to date, let alone marry.

    Meeting someone at work is an option for some singles, but, of course, the majority of those in a secular workplace are probably unbelievers.

    And while sometimes friends and family will set singles up on a date, if friends and family attend their church and generally know the same people they do, they’re back to square one!

    So, if singles who’d like to marry find it difficult to meet someone at church, what can they do? What should they do? Anything? Nothing?

    And is my friend’s experience as a marriage-minded Christian single an isolated one, or could this conversation have taken place between two believers in the nursery—or at the outreach, music practice, or VBS—at your church?

    If singles who’d like to marry find it difficult to meet someone at church, what can they do? What should they do? Anything? Nothing?

    Counselors like Job’s

    Journalist Julia Duin prompts a similar question in her provocative book Quitting Church: Why the Faithful Are Fleeing and What to Do about It.

    In a chapter called “The Loneliest Number: Why Singles over Thirty-five Are Saying Good-bye,” Duin notes that even while churches promote marriage and family in their teaching, preaching, small-group focus, fellowship, etc., often churchgoing singles who express a desire for marriage are met with a lack of compassion, wisdom, and full-orbed Biblical counsel, which can lead to discouragement.

    For example, marriage-minded singles are often given counsel that while true is also flat, one-dimensional, and without mercy: “Be content”; “Don’t make marriage an idol”; “Jesus is all you need.” Sometimes singles receive counsel from those who, like Job’s counselors, mean well, but speak without knowledge regarding what God is doing in a person’s life, saying things like, “If God wants you to have a spouse, He will bring you one,” or “You’re not married because you want it too much.”

    While people mean well, such “help” is not helpful, often leaving singles feeling frustrated and ashamed of their desire, and leading some to quit seeking counsel at church or date unbelievers or quit church altogether.

    Continue reading “How Should We Then Marry? Singleness, marriage, and the church by Betsy Carlson”

Unmarried America: How Single Adults Are Changing the Face of the U.S. and What It Means for the Church by R. Hurst

Unmarried America: How Single Adults Are Changing the Face of the U.S. and What It Means for the Church by R. Hurst

(Link): Unmarried America: How Single Adults Are Changing the Face of the U.S. and What It Means for the Church by R. Hurst

    By Rich Hurst

    How is the church doing when it comes to reaching the 14th largest nation in the world? How many missionaries are focused on that group? How many people are aware that this population is exploding, while its representation in churches is falling dramatically?

    These questions take on real significance when we realize we are speaking about single adults in America.

    According to census data, there were 101 million unmarried adults in the U.S. in 2007.

    If single adults were a country, they would be the 14th largest nation. (Germany, the largest country in Europe, is number 17.)

    Who are single adults? For one thing, they are heads of households. A Census Bureau report released September 23, 2008, shows that in 2007, for the third consecutive year the majority of the nation’s households were headed by unmarried Americans.

    Unmarried adults now head up a majority of households in 22 states, and more than 300 cities — a figure that has increased each year for several years.

    According to the Census Bureau American Community Survey, over half of the country’s total households are headed by single adults.

    That survey also revealed that blacks and Hispanics are more likely than whites or Asians to be single. More than six in 10 blacks are unmarried, and almost one in 10 black adults lives alone with children. Gays and lesbians are also a significant segment of the single population (approximately 9 percent), though not necessarily by choice since only two states allow same-sex marriage.

    The Census Bureau surveyed about 3 million households from every county in the nation. They include 12.2 million widows and 3 million widowers, as well as 25 million men and women who are divorced. In addition, there are 32.8 million men and 27.1 million women who have never married.

    More racially diverse than the overall population, singles are also younger — 57 percent are less than 45 years old, and four in 10 are younger than 35, according to “Singles in the U.S.: the New Nuclear Family,” a report from market research publisher Packaged Facts, a division of MarketResearch.com.

    Unmarried adults — those never married, divorced, widowed, or separated — share generational similarities: younger singles are comfortable with technology, for example, while older singles focus on luxury.

    …The configuration of these unmarried households is diverse. More than 30 million Americans live alone, far outnumbering the 24.2 million households that contain married couples with children less than 18 years of age.

    The 10.8 million single-parent homes include 2.5 million single dads with custody of their children and 8.3 million single mothers.

    About 12 million adults are living with an unmarried partner, while some 47 million unmarried Americans are living with relatives.


    While this enormous growth has occurred among this segment of the U.S. population, another dramatic shift has been taking place at the same time. Attendance in most U.S. churches has declined or plateaued across all segments of the population, and especially among singles.

    Let us look at two denominations.

    According to the 2006 Annual Church Profile (ACP), there are 44,223 churches in the Southern Baptist Convention.

    The Southern Baptist Convention measures church growth by the number of baptisms. In 2006, 10,449 churches baptized no one; 3,312 churches baptized only one person; and 13,760 churches baptized 1 to 5 people.

    A total of 27,521 churches in the SBC baptized five or less people for an entire year, which is 62 percent of all SBC churches.

    Furthermore, at least three of four churches are plateaued or declining.

    Or consider the Presbyterian Church USA. In 2 years, the denomination shrank by approximately 94,000 people. In 2006, this church saw a net loss of 56 congregations and a membership decrease of nearly 46,000 people. …


    We have a great opportunity in American church history to address two issues at the same time. We can reach out in love to single adults and avail ourselves of their gifts and energy to strengthen the church.

    Viewing single adults as a specific target of church ministry is not a new idea; single adult ministry was a focus in many churches during the 1970s and 1980s.

    Yet, years later, there are increasing numbers of singles and decreasing numbers of churchgoers. The question today is: How can we use the lessons learned — or missed — by those who focused on single adult ministry in earlier decades?

    … At the time, those in singles ministry understood that churches did not want to embrace singles any more than they wanted to embrace the homeless.

    But singles simply became too powerful in terms of affluence, education, and sheer numbers to ignore.

    Continue reading “Unmarried America: How Single Adults Are Changing the Face of the U.S. and What It Means for the Church by R. Hurst”

Churches Ignoring The Olds: Increasing Population of Senior Citizens In America – Yet Churches Keep Obsessing About Kids and 20 Somethings

Increasing Population of Senior Citizens In America – Yet Churches Keep Obsessing About Kids and 20 Somethings

If you’re not married with a kid at home, most churches will ignore you and your problems and needs.

Many conservative Christians remain, above all, obsessed with married parents, followed by youth (see here), and special interest, tear-jerking groups (e.g., starving, third-world nation orphans, strippers, and people caught in sexual trafficking, etc).

Which is all fine and good, Christians, yes, should be helping orphans and the like… but not at the detriment of people in other groups who could also use a hand up.

I’ve noticed the peculiar habit of Christians to be willing to show compassion only to certain, limited groups – anyone who does not fall in their particular cherished groups (eg, strippers, pole dancers, and orphans) is persona non grata, and if you go to them for help, you will receive condescending, rude lectures about “count your blessings,” and “you have life no where near as hard as strippers and orphans, so no help for you, go suck it up.”

(Link): Increasing Population of Senior Citizens In America

    by S Simms

As Baby Boomers age, we are seeing an incredible growth in the number of people in a given age group at any one time. In fact, there are now more Americans that are at least 65 years of age than at any other time in our nation’s history.

This can have a number of impacts on society and is also a marker for things to come. In addition to having a greater number of members in the workforce, senior citizens can also help project the increased longevity of our country moving forward.

According to a new census bureau report, there were over five million more people age 65 and older living in the United States in 2010 than in 2000. This also represents an increase of over 37 million people than in 1900.

As we know, advances in medicine, technology and our species’ ability to adapt to changing conditions have contributed to our increased life span. In order to get a full understanding of the senior citizen demographic in the U.S., you can take a look at some of the statistics from the census report.

Senior citizens make up 13 percent of the populations while those age 64 and under comprise 87 percent.

As we get older, females significantly outnumber males in our population.
The largest percentage of elderly people live in the Northeast, while the elderly population is growing the fastest in the West.

Related posts this blog:

(Link): Mature Christians Need to Stop Allowing the Under 30 Crowd to Direct the Entire State of Christian Affairs

(Link): Elder / Senior Abuse and Neglect – Christians need to stop worshipping youth – there are other needy groups out there

(Link): Churches Idolize Youth But Do Nothing to Protect Them

(Link):  Ministering to the Unmarried at Home and Abroad by C. Darnell (article focuses on middle aged, never married adults and ministering to the elderly)

Church Matchmaking Show: Congregations Help Singles Find Soul Mates in Upcoming Show

Church Matchmaking Show: Congregations Help Singles Find Soul Mates in Upcoming Show

I approve. Churches should be helping Christian singles to get married to other Christian singles, if they want or need the help.

(Link): Church Matchmaking With Natalie Grant: Congregations Help Singles Find Soul Mates in Upcoming Show

    January 14, 2014|12:40 pm

    GSN Television Network, well-known for its hit show “American Bible Challenge,” is debuting a new show, “It Takes a Church,” where church members compete to find a soul mate for one unsuspecting single.

    “There are a growing number of singles in the church who do not want to be single,” award-winning gospel artist Natalie Grant told The Christian Post on Monday. Grant said these unhappy singles” are finding it harder and harder to meet quality men and women of integrity.” Rather than frequenting nightclubs or bars, or resorting to online dating to find someone new, these unmarried Christians might be part of a grand experiment involving church “cupids.”

    “Each week, ‘It Takes A Church’ visits a congregation from across the country to surprise one unsuspecting single with the news that they’re about to be saved from the dating world,” explains the GSN website. “The church’s pastor will task their congregation of cupids to find the best possible matches for the dater, but in the end, our single will decide which suitor to put their faith in.”

    The “cupid” whose suitor is chosen will have a donation made to the church in their name, according to Sean Jennings, director of Corporate Communications and Publicity at GSN.

    Grant believes one of the best places for singles to find their soul mates is in the church. She described it as “the place where you’ve chosen to make community, build relationships, let people get to know who you really are.”

    When a Christian makes a church his or her home, the congregation forms a community of friends, and “those people have your best interests at heart.” Not only that, but they “may just know someone who would be a good match for you, who shares your same values and morals,” she said.

((( Click here to read the rest of the article )))
Related posts this blog:

(Link): Why Not Focus On How Churches Can Help Adult Singles?

(Link): How Christians and Churches Can Be of Help to Older Singles (copy)

(Link): Singled Out: How Churches Can Embrace Unmarried Adults by Christena Cleveland

(Link): Are There Any Protestant or Baptist Singles – Friendly Churches or Denominations ? / Singles Single Adult Childfree Childless Age 30 40 50 Christian
– if you are a reader of this blog, please leave a comment below that post if you know of any churches / denominations that actually help and minister to singles over the age of 30, thank you

(Link): Police urge caution when using dating websites / Murderers on Dating Sites

(Link): Beware of Rapists on Christian Dating Sites

(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

(Link): Helping Christian Singles Meet Christian Singles (to date)

(Link): Post by Sarah Bessey Re: Churches Ignore Never Married Older and/or Childless Christian Women, Discriminate Against Them

(Link): How churches can play role in dating, marriage

(Link): 2008 Audio Interview with Julia Duin About Christian Singles (you can listen to it online)

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): To Get Any Attention or Support from a Church These Days you Have To Be A Stripper, Prostitute, or Orphan

Singles Who Desire Marriage and 1 Corinthians 7 – but 1 Timothy 4:3 – Also: Singlehood and Messed Up Hermeneutics

Singles Who Desire Marriage and 1 Corinthians 7 – it’s benefits, drawbacks – also: 1 Timothy 4:3 and Christians cannot agree on biblical doctrine

I first began this post with only an intent on discussing 1 Corinthians 7 in mind, but as I began typing, it meandered a little into other (but related) topics, then I wandered back to the 1 Cor 7 discussion.

(Link): Read 1 Corinthians 7 Online, on Bible Gateway

My commentary is below this long excerpt.

Excerpts from 1 Cor 7,

    8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.

9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

…25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.

26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is.

27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife.

28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

…. 32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord.
33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—
34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.
35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

I have had a blog visitor who says she (or he? Though I think she is a she) loathes and hates 1 Cor 7.

I left her a reply under a previous thread which reads:

    • I actually rather


    • 1 Corinthians 7,


    when it’s used as a weapon or condescending slogan against singles who want marriage.

But, in other contexts, I like that 1 Cor 7 passage, because married Christians (who are the ones who idolize marriage) need to be reminded that marriage is not better than singleness… that is, churches / body of Christ need to stop showing favortism to married with children couples, as they often do.

If anything, I see some pastors (such as Mark Driscoll, whom I wrote about recently (Link): here ), twist and distort 1 Cor 7 and try to explain it away – because he (and other Christians) view singles as being abnormal, or they view the state of singleness as being abnormal, or not as good as, being married, which is an INSULT to adult singles.

I know it can hurt or be frustrating to want marriage when you are single BUT (at least for me), so long as you are single, until you marry one day (assuming you marry), don’t you want preachers and other married Christians to stop acting as though you are somehow lower or not as godly or mature, or not deserving of a church’s finances and time, just because you are single?

That is why I like to toss 1 Cor 7 in their faces (and other passages).

I’ve sort of written on this topic here:
(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

There are some never married Christian adults who actually LOVE the GOS (“Gift of Singleness” or “of celibacy,” “GOC”) talk, they have stopped by this blog before to say they like these phrases…

I can’t get these types of adult, Christian singles to see that not only is neither phrase in the Bible, but the phrases are mis-used and abused by married Christians and preachers to keep singles single – the ones who want marriage.

The GOS/GOC talk and terms are used to maintain discrimination against singles. (I’ve blogged about that before, just search the blog using the phrase “gift of singleness.”)

I also have many blog posts talking about the cliches that Christian singles who desire marriage get from married Christians, and it annoys me too. Here are a few posts about it:

(Link): Article: My Savior My Spouse? – Is God or Jesus Your Husband Isaiah 54:5

(Link): Annoyance of Being A Christian Single (has list of cliches’ one hears from married Christians and friends at church, in sermons, etc)

… I have similar blog posts, those are just a few.

To sum up, 1 Cor 7 can be a helpful ally and tool in the arsenal of an adult Christian single who runs into Christians who idolize marriage – the ones who behave as though single adults are losers.

I was at a right wing, political blog where all the married people were responding to a news story about childless and single women.

Many of these right wing people on that blog were insulting singles and the state of being childless.

Even secular right wingers tend to make an idol out of marriage, parenting, and the nuclear family.

Many married right wingers, even the secular ones, assume women who are never-married and childless past their 30s are man-hating, atheistic feminists who vote Democrat and have posters of Obama all over their bedroom walls with lipstick-kiss marks on them.

These types of right wing morons never realize that women can be conservative Republican and/or Christians and be single and childless into adulthood, based on circumstances they had no control over, or, based on their choice (but choices which are NOT based on atheism, feminism, liberalism, or hatred of God, country, conservatives, or babies).

Singlehood and childless/child-free are not bastions or life stations of liberal feminists and Democrats only. There are plenty of right wing, Republican, Christian, pro life women who choose to stay single and childless, or who find themselves that way due to circumstance.

Every time these types of right wing jackholes bash liberal feminists for being single and childless, they are also inadvertently bashing Republican, Christian, childless/ childfree women too.

When I tried explaining to these people that I am right wing also, but I am single and childless myself, some of them mellowed out in their criticisms and slams against singles and the childless, but some actually ramped the vitriol up… UNTIL… I quoted this at them:

    8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.

Once I quoted that from 1 Cor 7, that shut the married Marriage and Baby Idolaters up pronto.

Several replied, “You’re right; the Bible and God are okay with singleness, and women are not expected by God to have kids if they are single, and marriage is a choice, not a commandment. You are right.”

So, 1 Cor 7 can come in handy for an adult single who is getting damn tired of hearing she is a failure or weirdo for not being married past her 20s.

Oddly, the fact that Jesus Christ and Paul were single seem to usually not leave much of an impact on married Marriage and Family Idolaters, when that fact is thrown in their faces.

But, and stranger still, Jesus’ and Paul’s singlehood and childless status is none-the-less a tid bit that Married, Christian Condescending People like to remind Non-Content Adult Singles of.

Seems like 30% – 40% of articles I read for singles by married Christians likes to offer the chirpy reminder, “Remember, singles, Jesus and Paul were single and childless too!”

Okay, Enthusiastic Christian Married Guy, it’s good for you to respect singleness and being childless by recognizing that Jesus Christ and Paul was single and childless.

Married Christians should indeed keep that in mind, that Christ and Paul were single and childless, because God knows, Christians often go blank on that and assume Marriage and Kids are God’s default for EVERYONE.

However, while that is great for Jesus and Paul, I personally would like to marry so I can bang a man weekly (ie, get my sexual lusts fulfilled), have some constant companionship, to stave off bouts of loneliness. Maybe get chocolates in a heart shaped box on Valentine’s from a sweetie pie, instead of eating Campbell’s soup for one over the sink again. That sort of stuff.

On the one hand, 1 Cor 7 can be used as a weapon against married Christians by singles, against the types of married Christians who tend to elevate marriage at the expense of singles and singleness. That is to the single’s advantage.

On the other hand, some Christians, usually married idiots, misuse 1 Cor 7 as a battering ram against adult singles who want to get married.

And that is not right; the twisting or abuse of 1 Cor 7, borders on this:

1 Timothy 4:3

    3 They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth.

I’m an American in 2014. There is no “present” crisis going on with me personally in 2014 America, as there was when Paul wrote to people telling them it is better for them to remain as they were (single if single, or married if married), given their “present crisis.”

Whatever that crisis was – maybe Christians were being persecuted for being Christian?

Continue reading “Singles Who Desire Marriage and 1 Corinthians 7 – but 1 Timothy 4:3 – Also: Singlehood and Messed Up Hermeneutics”

Isn’t It Time the Church Gave Singles a Break? (editorial from another blog)

Isn’t It Time the Church Gave Singles a Break?

(Link): Isn’t It Time the Church Gave Singles a Break?

    AUGUST 30, 2013

    Christians gather for worship, it’s around the things we have in common.

    A common savior. A common grace. A common spirit. A common commission.

    The differences fade away. The dividing walls of hostility are torn down. People separated by things like race, gender, and economic status gather around a common table.

    So why, when we have so much in common, do we spend so much time in worship focused on roles we don’t all share? Not everyone attending a Sunday service is married. We’re not all parents. We’re not all employed at nine-to-five jobs. And yet, while a majority of the Scripture applies to every single one of us, we spend a lot of time focused on responsibilities that don’t.

    Continue reading “Isn’t It Time the Church Gave Singles a Break? (editorial from another blog)”

Ministering to the Unmarried by Noel Cameron

Ministering to the Unmarried by Noel Cameron

I post this with a misgiving or two. At one point the author actually describes singleness as being a problem:

    God has a solution for the problem of singleness.

As the kids say today,

To characterize singleness as being a “problem” is, in a way, insulting to singles.

Now, I am a single who desires marriage, and I tire of the simplistic “rah rah, singleness is a gift” rhetoric which cheapens what I go through at times, but, I do want to be respected as I am, which is SINGLE.

I do not like being referred to as “a problem” because I am single. I would advise Christian authors to be careful in how they phrase articles for adult singles.

(Link): Ministering to the Unmarried

    by Noel Cameron

    Effective ministry to single adults—widowed, divorced, or never married—is one of the most difficult challenges facing the church today.

    Although church-related activities absorb youth, children, families, young couples, and other special-interest groups, single persons usually find themselves on the periphery of church life.

    Many beautiful lives go unnurtured, and the body of Christ is seriously crippled.

    If the minister is to meet the needs of the unmarried, he must under stand what those needs are. He must understand the pressures the single adult confronts. And he must grasp the Biblical perspective of singleness.

    Consider the dilemma of the single adult. He or she feels isolated and often neglected by the church for several reasons.

    First, the very fact of his singleness often creates insecurity that makes it difficult for him to point out the deep and varied needs of single people.

    Moreover, the single person is keenly aware of an apparent church perspective that implies that success and fulfillment and even normalcy as a person are to be found only in marriage.

    Christianity is often seen as a family affair. Thus, the single person has difficulty identifying fully with the life of the church.

    Second, the church is oriented toward couples and families, especially in its social fellowship.

    How often have churches innocently planned dinners, weekend activities, or socials for couples and families, without a thought for single members, who circulated on the fringes of the activity or avoided it entirely, their hearts lonely and heavy, be cause they did not really fit?

    Unknowingly the church has many times shaped its life to inhibit the singles’ involvement, thus neglecting vitally important needs.

    [comments by Christian Pundit:
    snip author’s critique of singles ministries as being “dating services.”
    I for one would LOVE to attend a thriving “dating service” type church event or class if there are tons of good looking single men to flirt with, choose from, and pursue, thank you very much. It’s either look for a man at a church, or try “eHarmony” dating site, or the corner bar.]

Third, the church pastor usually finds ministry to the single adult very difficult. Since ministry to singles almost always focuses on social relationships and needs, the pastor feels a desire to protect himself from real or potential dangers to his ministry and reputation, and thus shies away from an involvement in personal ministry with single adults.

In public ministry, church activities tend to center around youth and families or around singles as an isolated group. Both situations substantially sever the single person from the heart of the church.

Continue reading “Ministering to the Unmarried by Noel Cameron”

Good Posts on Singleness from ‘Crumbs From the Communion Table’ Blog

Good Posts on Singleness from Crumbs From the Communion Table Blog

I’m not sure, but I think the guy who owns this blog is either a Christian homosexual, (or is hetero but supports homosexuality? – okay, yes, he says on his “about” page, ‘I run The Gay Christian Network, a nonprofit organization’), but he makes some very good points about how churches treat all singles, whether of the hetero or homo variety.

If he is a supporter of homosexuality in some fashion or another, do not let that dissuade you from reading his blog pages, because there’s a lot on there that a conservative, hetero Christian can agree with. Some of what he writes mirrors things I’ve been saying on my blog the last couple of years.

He also illustrates many of his posts with some happening animated GIFs. It’s worth a visit just to see the GIFs he chose for some of these blog posts 😆

(Link): Nine Ways Your Church Can Support Singles, by Justin Lee

(Link): Singles: Why Are Churches So Bad At Dealing With Them?, by Justin Lee

(Link): What Every Woman Wants. Or Not.

I believe both single MEN and women can relate to that blog post, “What Every Woman Wants. Or Not.”

I for one am sick and tired of the assumptions made by biblical gender role complementarians about womanhood (and manhood), one reason being such rigid gender role teachings actually are contributing to the rash of unwanted, protracted singleness among Christian adults.

Not only should you read “What Every Woman Wants. Or Not,” you should also take a look at the comments on the page, because you will see a few single women discussing what it’s like to be a single Christian. Even if you are a single male, you might relate to an extent to some of the things the women wrote in the comments.


(Link): Nine Ways Your Church Can Support Singles, by Justin Lee

    The challenges we singles face go beyond financial considerations and how to abstain from sex. In a church culture that emphasizes the family unit above almost all else, where is our identity? How do we spend our time as we age and so many of our peers are busy with their families? And what do we make of the fact that even our Christian communities sometimes treat us with condescension or suspicion for being single?

    These are much bigger questions than we can address in one blog post, but for now, here are 9 ways your church can begin ministering better to single people.

    1. Include singles in your church leadership.

    2. Talk openly about singles—in sermons, in staff meetings, in church literature, everywhere you do ministry. When you do, think about how what you say and do affects different groups of singles, from the celibate gay man to the widow. Don’t let “singles” be code for “young people.”

    5. Give singles the opportunity to lead the singles ministry.
    Many pastors think they’re avoiding potential problems by having married folks lead the singles ministry, but honestly, that feels so condescending. It also gives the distinct impression that we’re all just supposed to be on a journey toward marriage, at which point we’ll be taken more seriously.

    7. Be particularly cognizant of the times many people gather with their families—holidays, important life moments, illness, etc.
    Create opportunities for your church to be their family in those times. You know all that love, support, companionship, and stability you get from having a spouse and children? We need those things, too. Think about how your church can fill those gaps.

(Link): Singles: Why Are Churches So Bad At Dealing With Them?


    by Justin Lee

    … See, American Protestant churches are great at supporting families. If you want to know how to be a better, more godly husband, wife, parent, or child, we’ve got you covered. We’ve got books. We’ve got classes. We’ve got sermons. We’ve got small groups. Here, have a special edition Bible.

    But too often, we don’t seem to know what to do with single people other than somehow shove them into that frame.

    It’s not that churches don’t know they have single people. The trouble is, many churches think about singleness only as a young person’s issue. And what do single teenagers need? Lots of advice on controlling their sex drives until marriage, apparently. But single adults need a lot more than that.

Related posts this blog:

(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link): Why Even Middle Aged Married with Children Christians Are Leaving Church – Not Just Unmarried Singles | 40 Somethings Gen X Quitting Leaving Church

(Link): Why Churches Don’t Have Singles Ministries (article)

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

(Link): Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)

The Cloying Annoying Nauseating G-Rated Wholesome Saccharin Sweet Tone of Articles by Christians For Christian Singles – Christian Material For Singles is LAME

The Cloying Annoying Nauseating G-Rated Wholesome Saccharin Sweet Tone of Articles by Christians For Christian Singles

(Edit months after the fact: this blog post may contain adult language, as in cuss words. Or not. I don’t remember. But it’s a possibility.)
I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to post about this before.

If you are looking for a positive, happy-happy blog to cheer you up about being single, this is not the blog for you.

I don’t aim to give people the warm and fuzzies about being single. I’m not trying to make you feel rotten about being single, either, though.

I am trying to Keep It Real.

I just told a blog visitor in a comment (in the blog post about the 34 year old single woman who is tired of being asked when she will marry), who seems to find this blog depressing, or too negative for her tastes, or something, because I am seldom upbeat and happy:

    …I actually had a visitor here about a week ago who says she really likes this blog because it is “raw.”

I know what she means.

Personally, I tired of the saccharin sweet tone of Christian blogs for singles, and there are many of them out there, if you are looking for upbeat and encouraging conversations about being a Christian single when you feel down about it.

I got turned off by those sites after having looked at them over a period of years.

Sites such as “Christianity Today,” “Boundless,” and “Her.meneutics” (and other Christian sites/ blogs) strive to be G-rated and clean at all times. They are usually afraid to be blunt and real about life, about marriage, about singlehood.

Many Christian sites and blogs (even the ones run by lay persons) are deathly afraid of using rough language, being negative, everything always has to be sunny- sunny, sweet, upbeat, and paint a rosy picture of being a Christian single. In my opinion, that is not real. That is not reality, not to me.

I never got anything out of the sweet, G-rated, prim and proper, super nice blogs for Christians that tell singles to “serve Jesus,” “find contentment in Jesus,” and so forth. These little platitudes don’t convey the deep loneliness and pain some singles who desire marriage contend with.

And that is all very true.

I like that I can come to my little blog here and cuss and rant and be negative (you too can start your own blog. These Word Pres blogs are free).

Continue reading “The Cloying Annoying Nauseating G-Rated Wholesome Saccharin Sweet Tone of Articles by Christians For Christian Singles – Christian Material For Singles is LAME”

National Anti Porn Prayer Day – Call Me Cynical, but…

National Anti Porn Day. Call Me Cynical, but…

(Link): Over 40 Groups Join National Day of Prayer Against Pornography Next Week

God does not seem to answer prayer, assuming He exists. (Link): On Prayer and Christ’s Comment to Grant You Anything You Ask in His Name

These Christians can pray all day to fight porn, but I don’t think it will help much.

But I also find this funny. Christians will devote a day of prayer to stamping out pornography, but goodness help the unmarried single who goes to a Christian or church group and tosses out a prayer request for a spouse.

Based on many stories from singles I’ve seen on the internet or in books about Christian singles, and attitudes from Christians I’ve seen on television about it, if an unmarried Christian asks for prayer to receive a spouse, or for practical help (eg,, “Can our church host a social event for over – 30s singles this week?”) they will be told they are selfish, or no, church cannot be turned into a “meat market,” or, they will be told any one of several nauseating cliches, such as, “Be content in your singleness.”

Also disturbing is this idea by some married Christians who refuse to help a single get married is that they feel it all has to be Supernatural, so they feel there can be no human involvement at all.

That is, a lot of married Christians believe if God wants you married, then God will deliver you a spouse via angels carrying him along. Any and all human involvement is thought to be wrong or bad.

There are instances in Scripture where yes, God acted totally alone, or via angelic beings, but there are also instances where God worked THROUGH SOMEONE to accomplish something.

So I have no idea why Christians feel it unbiblical or wrong for one Christian to set up another Christian on a date, or for a church group to host an adult singles function at a church on a Friday night.

Why does it not occur for Christians to be FOR something than always AGAINST something?

Instead of (or in addition to) holding an Anti Porn Prayer Rally, why do Christians not host a national “Pray for Christian Singles Who Want A Spouse” rally?
Related posts this blog:

(Link): To Get Any Attention or Support from a Church These Days you Have To Be A Stripper, Prostitute, or Orphan

(Link): The Right One – Do Unmarried Christians Only Need Jesus in Common to Marry ? [Also: is it wrong for Christians to pray for a spouse for themselves or for other Christians? – scroll down to section entitled, “Pray For the Right Car – But Not For the Right Spouse?”]

(Link): Quitting Church – why single Christians aren’t going to church – church has failed Christian singles

(Link): Reaching single adults in a married world (article)

New website launched to help Christians experiencing same-sex attraction / Editorial about Celibacy by Ed Shaw

(Link): New website launched to help Christians experiencing same-sex attraction – Life Site News

This new editorial says many of the same things I have been saying on this blog the last 1 – 3 years:

(Link): How Can You Live Life Without Sex? – from Living Out


    But as Thomas Schmidt observes: ‘It is only an aberration of our own sorry generation to equate the absence of sexual gratification with the absence of full personhood, the denial of being or the deprivation of joy.’1 Previous generations had different attitudes to celibacy.

The single-minded bachelors that used to prop up most British institutions, the devoted spinsters who spent their lives caring for elderly relatives, used to be admired not pitied. But now such lives are mocked and avoided and talk of celibacy or chastity produces the giggles that talk of sex would have before.

Christopher Ash asks: ‘When did we last see a successful movie which portrayed a contented bachelor or spinster?’.2 I never have.

And, tragically the church can become just as sex-obsessed as society around it. As the world has idolised sex in almost any context, the church has idolised it within marriage. So, keen Christians too often rush into marriage in their early 20s so that they can have sex.

The danger of this is they may then discover that desire is almost all they have in common with the person they have now committed themselves to for life.

Early marriage has become the panacea for Christians struggling with sexual temptation leaving far too many people shocked to find that temptation is still there when they return from their honeymoon.

… As a result the church needs to ignore the giggles and start rehabilitating the concepts of celibacy (or singleness) and chastity (or sexual self-control). We need to articulate the benefits of a celibate life for some and to encourage chastity for all.

Excerpts from Life Site News about Living Out site, New website launched to help Christians experiencing same-sex attraction:



    Dec 2, 2013

A new website, containing articles, videos and personal stories has been launched today to help Christians experiencing same-sex attraction.

(Link): Living Out is a brilliant initiative by men in pastoral ministry who admit to feelings of same sex attraction but who also see the Bible’s prohibitions on same-sex relationships as non-negotiable.

The core of the new group, recently interviewed by Christianity magazine, are Sam Alberry, a church leader in Maidenhead, Sean Doherty, a tutor at St Mellitus College and Ed Shaw, who helps to lead Emmanuel Church in Bristol.

Their testimonies are clear, powerful, hugely encouraging and most welcome at a time when many young evangelicals are genuinely confused about the issue.

Doherty, who has experienced some degree of shift in his sexual feelings and is now married, explains how his own church experience helped him:

‘Church was a place of nurture and unconditional acceptance, but at the same time the teaching was clear that I shouldn’t act on those sexual desires. In an environment where young people were being encouraged to experiment, I was really grateful that I had been kept from acting on my feelings.’

Related Posts:

(Link): The New Minority: Why as a Gay Christian Man I Stand with Tim Farron by David Bennett

(Link): Why Do Christians Ask if Homosexuals Can Change Their Orientation – Why Not Explain that Celibacy is an Option?

(Link): Christian Double Standards on Celibacy – Hetero Singles Must Abstain from Sex but Not Homosexual Singles

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

(Link): Virgin – and Celibate – Shaming : Christian Double Standards – Homosexuals Vs Hetero Singles – Concerning Thabiti Anyabwile and Gag Reflexes

(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

(Link): The Activist Who Says Being Gay Is Not A Sin – double standards for homo singles vs hetero singles

(Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage

(Link): A Response by Colon to Regnerus Re: Misguided Early Marriage Propaganda

(Link): A Case Against Early Marriage by Ashley Moore (editorial)

(Link): Author Laurie Cole: another ‘early marriage’ supporter

(Link): Misapplication of Biblical Verses About Fertility (also mentions early marriage) – a paper by J. McKeown

61 Year Old Woman Chose To Remain Single Over Life and Wonders Why Churches Treat Singles Like Dirt and Favor Married Couples

61 Year Old Woman Chose To Remain Single Wonders Why Churches Treat Singles Like Dirt

This woman says she is 61 years old and chose to remain single. She wonders why churches make a big deal out of marriage and married couples and ignore singles. You might want to visit her blog page below and leave a comment.

(Link): so few churches acknowledge singles in light of 1 Corinthians 7: 6-9 is this an oversight?

    In the New Testament (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, etc.,) we really don’t see Matthew & Rose, Mark & Betty, Luke & Beatrice, John & Sally, etc.

    Why do churches put so much emphasis on couples, inferring that singles who have chosen celibacy really don’t have a place (of course unless they are teen or twenties)?

    I gave my life to Jesus at 16, and now am 61, and chose a path of singleness, according to the ability God gave me. I am confused because there seems to be such heavy emphasis on couples (nothing wrong with couples; I had extra-terrific parents for example). However, it is hurtful to feel like singles are the “low end of the totem pole” in Christian service and responsibility.

    My parents had two girls (one married, and one single…me).

    Do pastors cater to couple images because they presume tithing is higher? Is there cultural etiquette persuading the church more than templates of the New Testament church?

Singled Out: How Churches Can Embrace Unmarried Adults by Christena Cleveland

Singled Out: How Churches Can Embrace Unmarried Adults by Christena Cleveland

This is a rather long blog post. I do not want to reproduce the entire thing, so please visit the blog and read the entire thing.

I would also encourage you to read the visitor comments at the other blog. Those are quite informative too.

She raises points in her blog post about Christians and singleness and marriage that I have been discussing at my blog here for over a year to two years now, including the concept of “married people privilege,” which I blogged about months ago here on my blog: (Link): Christian ‘Married People’ Privilege – Marrieds Think Single Life = Easy / Marrieds and Parents Turn All Topics Into Them And Their Needs / Problems

Here is the link to the other blog entry about singleness:

(Link): Singled Out: How Churches Can Embrace Unmarried Adults by Christena Cleveland

    By christena on December 2, 2013

    … After doing extensive interdenominational research, Dennis Franck,the national director of single adult ministries for the Assemblies of God denomination, concluded:

    “The vast majority of evangelical and Pentecostal churches of any denomination are ‘marriage and family focused.’ That in itself is not a bad posture. Most Christian leaders understand the importance of marriage and the church’s role in strengthening the family unit. The unfortunate reality, however, is that our marriage and family emphasis many times does not include single adults. This is not necessarily by design but is often by ignorance and neglect.”

    … Meanwhile, single people are relegated to the margins.[ii] Whether this is intentional or not, this “married people monopoly” results in a Christian world in which single people are often misunderstood, ignored, overlooked for leadership positions, caricatured, equated with immaturity, and little more than a punchline or an afterthought. To me, it makes sense that churches and Christian organizations have a poor track record when it comes to honoring single people.

    … [A]fter interacting with the church, many singles start to wonder:
    Is there something wrong with me? Is God working in my life? Am I as valuable (to God, to the church) as married people? Does God love me as much as he loves married people? Does God have good things in store for me as a single person?

    … In a Church that was founded by a single guy, singles are terribly marginalized. There’s something wrong with this picture.

    So without further ado, here are my tips on how church people (pastors, leaders and other influencers) can turn this barge around and begin to create communities that honor the image of God in single adults.


    1. Admit that singleness is complex and that you know little to nothing about it.

    A lot of people seem to think that singleness is to marriage as junior varsity is to varsity.

    As a result, married people sometimes mistakenly believe that they know something about singleness when in fact they don’t. Singleness isn’t a junior varsity version of marriage.

    It’s an entirely different sport – and if you haven’t played it, you haven’t mastered it.

    The average marrying age is 29.8 years for men and 26.9 for women. If you got married before these ages, then it makes sense to acknowledge that your experience as a single adult is below average. In other words, you don’t know a lot about singleness. This calls for humility.

    2. Recognize that as a married person, you are privileged.

    Married people run the Christian world.

    For example,

    – Since many pastors, board members, and organizational leaders are married, the married perspective is well-represented in the Church in ways that the single perspective is not.

    – Married people are much more likely to get hired as pastors.

    – A quick search at Amazon.com reveals that for every 1 Christian book on singleness, there are 298 Christian books on marriage.

    – Just for getting married, friends and family members buy married people expensive gifts like Kitchen Aid mixers (a mark of privilege if there ever was one).

    – Marriage is the norm, the gold standard.

    If you don’t adhere to it, people ask questions.

    Case in point: I’m out-and-about in the Christian world a lot these days. As a result, I meet new people all of the time. The fact that we’ve just met doesn’t stop Christians from asking me why I’m not married.

    Out of the blue, and with a quizzical look, they’re like, “How come you’re not married?” It’s my most frequently asked question. Seriously.

Please visit her blog page to read the rest. Thank you.
Related posts, this blog:

(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians Re: Marriage

(Link): To Get Any Attention or Support from a Church These Days you Have To Be A Stripper, Prostitute, or Orphan

(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link): The Myth of the Gift – Regarding Christian Teachings on Gift of Singleness and Gift of Celibacy

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy” or (also false): God’s gifting of singleness is rare – More Accurate: God calls only a few to marriage and God gifts only the rare with the gift of Marriage

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity [they ATTACK both concepts]

(Link): How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link): Part 2, The Parable of the Neglected Unmarried – Single – Christian

(Link): Married People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Spouses With Dementia / Married People Who Are Lonely

(Link): Singleness Is Not A Gift

(Link): Astonishing: Evangelical Baptist Marriage Idolater David E. Prince Wants to Know Why Evangelical Baptists Are Not Worshipping Marriage More

(Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link): False Christian Hype About Waiting Until Marriage For Sex – We’ve Gone From “It’s Mindblowing” to Now: “It’s Magical” Re: Timothy Keller / Tim Keller Virginity Celibacy Singles PreMarital Sex

(Link): Christian TV Show Host Pat Robertson Disrespects Virginity – Says Pre-Marital Sex Is “Not A Bad Thing”

(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): Why So Much Fornication (sex outside of marriage) – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

(Link): Tim Challies Christian Blogger Who Proclaimed That All Fornicators Are Virgins Is Now Telling People Not to Look In Lust – WTF?

Reaching single adults in a married world (article)

Reaching single adults in a married world

(Link): Reaching single adults in a married world

    By Dennis Franck

    While navigating church foyers across the country, singles encounter a traditional attitude towards marrying and doing so early in life. “Why isn’t a nice young man like you married yet?” “I don’t understand how a beautiful girl such as you, with a good job, isn’t dating.”

    Well-meaning individuals are usually unaware of the pressure and discomfort their questions cause.

    When coupled with seemingly spiritual advice — “God has someone for you” or “Wait for the right person” — such remarks lay guilt on a young adult who may not feel the need or desire to marry yet, or may already struggle with personal doubts.

    Marital patterns are changing, and these changes have created a new single adult subculture with new thoughts, attitudes, myths and sometimes misunderstandings about singleness.

    For the postmodern person (born 1965-1982), for example, issues like finishing college or grad school, getting a good start on a successful career or taking time to improve their skills might take precedence over the desire for a permanent relationship.

    The postmodern person may not see a need for marriage at all, believing that the benefits of marriage (sex, children, companionship, etc.) are available without the legal process and formal marriage commitment.

    Where is the balance between the traditionalist’s pressure to marry and the moral libertarian’s disregard for marriage?

    Historical attitudes concerning singleness

    Over the course of history marriage was expected of most adults. During the 20th century, attitudes toward singleness changed, slowly.

    From 1900 to the 1920s, single women were labeled “old maids.” During the ’30s and ’40s single women graduated to the title of “spinsters.”

    Carolyn Koons, in her chapter entitled, “Today’s Single Adult Phenomenon: The Realities, Myths, and Identity” from the Baker Handbook of Single Adult Ministry states:

    Society tried to attack the “problem” of female singleness (seldom were single men focused on) by writing major articles addressing the issue, such as: “Does It Hurt to Be an Old Maid?” “Alarming Increase of Old Maids and Bachelors in New England,” “Family Parasites: The Economic Value of the Unmarried Sister,” “The Sorrowful Maiden and the Jovial Bachelor,” and “There Is No Place in Heaven for Old Maids.”

    During the 1950s and 1960s divorce increased in the United States.

    This was the beginning of the institution of no-fault divorce, a legally convenient way to end a marriage without a biblical reason.

    During the 1970s, single adults were labeled as “swinging singles” thanks to the “new morality” that emerged.

    During the 1980s, it appeared that singleness was here to stay. Single adults came to be seen as hard workers, healthy, physically active and affluent. Singles were a dramatically growing segment of society.

    Ministering to single adults

    God created human beings to be multifaceted creatures comprised of at least six dimensions: spiritual, social, mental, physical, relational and emotional.

    Each of these areas of life represents certain needs that can be met by fellowship with the Lord and with people in and through the ministries of the church.

    If the church does not address and meet these needs, single adults may look in other places for their fulfillment — places that are not always spiritually, emotionally and relationally healthy.

    Each area can be targeted and developed in the lives of single adults by planning ministries that address specific needs to be met and skills to be learned. Consider the following lists.

    Spiritual life
    – Sunday School classes
    – Conferences, retreats, seminars and workshops
    – Discussion groups, Bible studies, prayer meetings
    – Community service/outreach projects
    – Support groups for divorce recovery, addictions or other personal needs

    Social life

    -Structured and casual activities promoting fun and
    laughter (banquets, parties, dinners, game nights)
    – Experiencing new activities (ball games, rodeos, stock car races)
    – Developing existing social skills, learning new social skills, learning to feel comfortable around the opposite sex

    … The programs and activities in a single adult ministry need to be varied and diverse. Single adults who will attend can range from teens to seniors.

    Events need to factor in the five types of single adults who potentially attend, each with unique and similar needs — never-married, divorced, widowed, single parent, separated.

Click here to read the rest
Related this blog

(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

(Link): Why Churches Don’t Have Singles Ministries (article)

(Link): How American Christians Were Influenced by 1950s American Secular Propaganda to Idolize Marriage and Children and Against Singles and the Childless -and how over-emphasis on “family” and lack of respect for singleness started a backlash against both – [both = marriage, having kids] (excerpts from ‘Pornland’ book)

Astonishing: Evangelical Baptist Marriage Idolater David E. Prince Wants to Know Why Evangelical Baptists Are Not Worshipping Marriage More

Astonishing: Evangelical Baptist – David E Prince – Wants to Know Why Evangelical Baptists Are Not Worshipping Marriage More

Individuals are saved via faith in Jesus Christ; the Bible says nothing of saving or redeeming cultures or marriage.

They Bible does not say that individuals are saved via marriage, neither does the Bible say culture is saved by marriage.

The Bible does not talk about “defending marriage,” or say that doing so is a necessity, or that Christians should be excessively preoccupied with doing so, as so many Baptists and evangelicals are these days.

The Bible does not say Jesus Christ died on the cross to save marriage.

I say all that because of stinky, horrid editorials such as the one featured in this post by David E Prince, who elevate marriage to the Gospel itself, when the Bible does no such thing.

This (see link to editorial on Baptist Press by David E. Prince, farther below) is another editorial bemoaning the lack of early marriage among evangelicals, another Christian who feels that marriage “reflects the Gospel” (as if singlehood does not), and who wonders why evangelical Baptists are not idolizing marriage more than they are.

Honestly. I cannot make stuff this up.

Only a marriage-worshipping Christian, who is probably married himself, can possibly be blind to the fact that evangelicals and other conservative Christians are already living in a sea of non stop pro-marriage sermons, books, conferences, and TV shows and have been living in a marriage-obsessed culture for over 20 years.

This guy thinks that Baptists and evangelicals are not worshipping marriage enough.

Wowzers, this guy is completely clueless.

As I have blogged about here for the past two or three years, Evangelicals, Baptists, Neo Reformed, Fundamentalists, Quiverfull, Reconstructions, and other Christians, have already made a huge idol out of marriage and parenting, to the point that those who are childless, child free, or single (widows, never married, divorced) are either
1. ignored by most Christians or
2. ridiculed, criticized or put down for being single / virgins (when not being ignored).

Bigots (“bigots” referring to Christians who are so rabidly pro marriage to the point singles and singlehood are disparaged) such as the guy, Prince, who wrote this cringe- inducing editorial assume the only solution for the rising tide of divorce and such is to harp on marriage even more, an attitude that Christian writer Candice Watters also espouses, and which I eviscerated her for in a post here (“Candice Watters and Boundless Blog Gets It Wrong / Christian prolonged singlehood singleness singles ignored”).

Before I proceed, I want to mention that:
Nowhere does the Bible teach that God gives anyone a “gift of marriage,” or “a gift of singleness,” or a “gift of celibacy”

Why do I mention that?

Because marriage idolaters such as the guy who wrote the page to which I refer will often brush away their marriage idolatry, when brought to their attention, by a mere wave of the hand with,
“Well, of course, if God called you to singleness, that is fine; I don’t mean to suggest YOU are in error for being single!”

The problem is, God does not call anyone to singleness or “gift” them with it, and a blase dismissal such as that (ie, the aforementioned “singleness is fine if God has gifted you with it” rhetoric) does nothing to negate the fact the one making the comment is still in fact WORSHIPPING MARRIAGE and is none the less making singleness out to be a second class station in life.

Evangelicals, Baptists, and other varieties of conservative Christians, have been hand-wringing and wailing about divorce, pre-marital sex, abortion, and such, in addition to making every other book, blog, and sermon about, in praising, the wonder of marriage, for over two decades now, and it has done nothing, bupkiss, nada, to stem the tide of divorce or fornication in larger culture and among Christians.

You know the definition of insanity: it’s doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Okay, then, the constant harping by Christians about the gloomy fate of marriage has done nothing to increase marriage rates, or to decrease adultery, divorce, or fornication.

So, maybe it’s time for a new strategy by Christians, such as, oh, helping adult singles? Or, is it just easier to sit on your ass writing “woe is the state of marriage today!” editorials?

Despite the fact that the Bible does not say all Christian adults will marry or should marry, nor does it say that God commands all to marry, nor does Scripture say that staying single is sin or failure, and,

Despite the fact the Scriptures warn against idolizing the (nuclear) family, marriage, or having children, and,

Despite the fact that the Bible actually discourages marriage (in a sense) and esteems singleness by saying things such as,

    1 Corinthians 7:

    Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.

    Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.

    26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released.

    Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned.

    But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

And despite the fact Jesus Christ warned against making too much of marriage, nuclear family, and children (in Matthew 10):

    For I have come to turn
    “‘a man against his father,
    a daughter against her mother,
    a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
    36 a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’
    37 “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

-yes, despite all this biblical favor for singleness and warning of making too much of marriage and family, this Prince guy writes this hogwash:

(Link): FIRST-PERSON: An evangelical war on marriage? by David Prince

Excerpts from the editorial – Fair Use; using quotes from editorial only to comment upon it (and there are additional thoughts by me below these excerpts):

    LOUISVILLE, Ky. (BP) —
    “Lord, thank You for the life of this beautiful little girl… Lord, give her a future husband who loves You and serves You and will protect, provide and love her as Christ loves the church. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

As I lifted my head in that hospital room after praying for the family and their newborn baby, I carefully gave the child back to her mother.

I saw the grandparents who were in the room glaring at me with astonishment on their faces.

The grandfather spoke up and said, “What kind of prayer was that? Why would you already be talking about a husband? She may not even get married! Who knows what she will become?”

These grandparents were not liberal progressives. They were Bible Belt conservative evangelicals who would heartily defend every word of the Bible as God’s inerrant Word and would be appalled at the notion of legalizing same-sex marriage.

The moment hit me like a ton of bricks. Without a doubt, the proponents of same-sex marriage have lost an understanding of what marriage really is — but, in alarming ways, so have evangelicals.

Continue reading “Astonishing: Evangelical Baptist Marriage Idolater David E. Prince Wants to Know Why Evangelical Baptists Are Not Worshipping Marriage More”

Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

First, my standard foreward:
Christian sex propaganda says: if you wait until marriage to have sex, the sex will be great and frequent. Reality: a lot of married people (who are Christians when married and/or virgins) end up in sexless marriage or one or both partners get hooked on porn or have affairs. You will see further examples below.

Notice in the advice under letter 2 below, the doctor actually advises that the spouse consider an affair, because lifelong celibacy is (supposedly, despite the fact that many people live it out) an impossibility (people are “reluctant to be celibate…” – more like, people are too lazy to even try; it’s easier to indulge a passion than tame it or conquer it).

Yeah, if Christians have ever wondered why they should teach life long virginity (and/or celibacy/ chastity) as a distinct possibility every one is capable of (and not just for a “gifted few who have been called by God”), rather than keep screaming at everyone to “go out and get married now, marriage is better than singleness, and it’s better to marry than burn with lust” -arguments which ignore chicks like me who have tried to get married but can’t find Mr Right, supporting and encouraging adult celibacy not only acts as counter effect against the militant homosexual arguments in favor of homosexual sex, but to knock down the advice of doctors who are telling married guys, “go ahead and cheat on your spouse if you are so horny you can’t stand the sexless marriage anymore.” 🙄

I keep seeing the occasional editorial advocating that married couples should cheat on each other to save the marriage, or to spice it up. This sort of thinking goes back to the 1970s or 1980s, when Ann Landers or Abby would discuss this issue in their columns.

Before I get to the sexless marriage letters, here’s the one from Salon where some counselor recommends that married people cheat on each other:

(Link): The Upside of Infidelity Can an affair save your marriage?

You see, Christians running about screaming repeatedly, as they usually do, “If you burn with lust, you must marry,” is a technique that not only does No Good for randy Christian adults who totally want to marry and have sex but who cannot find a suitable mate (spouse), but it does nothing to counter the secular arguments put forth by relationship counselors that tell married couples, “Bored with your partner? Simple: Have an affair!”

Christians need to put forth positive cases in support of adult virginity and adult celibacy to win against the tide of sexual sin and filth advocated by secular society as being solutions.

Christians merely screaming “No, no, no, wrong! Sex is only for married couples, God designed sex only for a married couple!!” does bupkiss, nothing, zippo to help people who either are unable to marry, or for the already married who are being advised by doctors that a bit of cheating can “save” their marriage.

It’s interesting and rather pathetic how the knee jerk reaction and assumption by most therapists and preachers is to advise people to have sex.

Of course, most Christians would advise people to have sex only with a spouse, but the fact remains that Christians and Non Christians seldom, if ever, present abstaining from sex as a possibility for adults past age 25, whether it pertains to singleness or in marriage

Nobody every considers celibacy an option in any conversations about marital problems (or in other contexts, ones for single people).

Sex is always just assumed as something everyone should have, or is having, and should be striving to have, even by Christian marital counselors and by preachers, and even though the Apostle Paul wrote that a married couple can make a deliberate choice to abstain from sex for an agreed upon amount of time.

(Link): How to Handle a Sexless Married Life

      • Posted on 10/23/2013

by Dr. Pepper Schwartz

  • Q: As a survivor of childhood incest, I’ve been in therapy for close to 20 years. However — possibly because of the anti-depressants I take — my libido is dead and gone.
    My sexual parts are unresponsive.
    My doctor has suggested various treatments, including hormones, and my husband never complains; he loves me as I am and doesn’t want me to undergo painful procedures or take hormones. Is there anything you can suggest to help? I feel like my dear husband is missing out on a sex life.

Continue reading “Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages”

Why Churches Don’t Have Singles Ministries (article)

Why Churches Don’t Have Singles Ministries (article)

I see a lot of arguing about this online, mostly by the unmarried.

Some adult singles want singles ministries/classes, some do not.

I think it depends on how the church in question runs the ministry.

Unfortunately, too many churches spend no money on the adult singles class; they treat the singles ministry (SM) like a “ghetto.” They drop you off there then forget about you and get back to the business of catering to the marrieds.

I have a hunch if more churches actually integrated the SMs into the rest of the church, you would not see adult singles saying, “Oh no, I’d rather NOT have a SM and just attend classes with the married people.”

Excerpts from first part of the page (please click link to read rest):

(Link): Why My Church Doesn’t Have a Singles Ministry

    [Kris Swiatocho is the President and Director of TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries and FromHisHands.com Ministries.]
    31 JUL, 2012

    I have been single my entire adult life. Because I am single, I have had a front row experience of how churches are reaching and growing singles adults.

    As a result, I have found that most churches simply did not know much about us nor how to reach us. After several years of serving on various single’s ministry leadership teams as well as starting my own, God called me to help others do the same.

    Specifically to help reach the church, the pastors and staff; to educate and provide resources so that ALL churches would know how to reach singles.

    While there are several large churches that have a singles pastor or director and are doing a great job in reaching and growing single adults, most churches do not. Most churches give various excuses such as:

    [Church Excuse 1] We don’t have any single adults.
    Well this is because you either are not defining singles correctly or simply have not looked at your membership demographics (or the demographics of your area).

    In most large cities in the US, single adults are out numbering the married’s. I know this might be a shock to you considering the churches numbers do not reflect this. This is because we are not doing what is needed to reach them.

    Single adults range from the 18 year old that still lives at home to the 29 year old single parent who has never been married to the divorced dad with grown kids to the 58 never married now taking care of their mom to the 68 widower who lives alone.

    It’s not that you don’t have single adults in your church or community; it’s how to reach them.

    So where do you start? How do you find them? 1) Look at your existing membership/attendance rolls and see who is not married. Categorize by age, past marital status, if they have kids that live at home or grown, etc. 2) Contact your town/city and find out the demographics of those living within a 5 mile radius. Once you find out this information, it will help you in the direction of how to reach them.

    You may find out you have a lot of single mom’s or widows. Depending on what you have the most of could determine whom you try and reach and how to minister to them.

    Please know I believe singles ministry is simply one way to bring singles into your church. The goal with all ministry is reach people for Christ, help grow them so they will in turn reach and grow others (single or married).

    [Church Excuse 2] If we start one, I hear it will end up being a meat market.
    I love to always answer this question and say, “Yes, it sure will, they can meet Jesus.” Churches have a huge fear that their singles ministry will end up being focused only on finding a mate.

    My first thought is… “and where would you like us to find a mate… in a bar?”

    My second thought is… “who is leading your singles ministry?”

    Church as a whole can easily be a place to only be fed and healed from a physical standpoint. But didn’t Jesus use these ways to minister so he could get to the person’s heart? He would feed and heal the body so that he could later feed and heal the soul?

    So if your singles ministry is thriving and growing and people come to meet the opposite sex, then who cares? It’s up to you as a church, as a pastor to get them connected to the whole body of Christ.

    Continue reading “Why Churches Don’t Have Singles Ministries (article)”

More Anti Singleness Bias From Al Mohler – Despite the Bible Says It Is Better Not To Marry

More Anti-Singleness Bias From Southern Baptist Al Mohler – Despite the Bible Says It Is Better Not To Marry

I guess Al Mohler must know better than the Apostle Paul, who wrote,

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do (1 Corinthians)
— end quote —

Here is another Mohler hit piece on singleness (hyping marriage to the detriment of singleness, which God never does in the Bible):

(Link): Two Is Better Than One—Who Knew? – from October 4, 2013

Brief excerpt from Mohler’s page:

    • Nevertheless, married women also survive longer than unmarried women with the same disease. Even husbands really help. Single patients are far more vulnerable.

All this is testimony to the power of marriage, and to the fact that marriage is one of the greatest gifts God has given his human creatures.
–(end excerpt)–

I believe Mohler has several other obnoxious articles against singleness at his blog, that is but one.

Some of Mohler’s contentions about married people living longer and being happier have been refuted by Bella DePaulo (and by others); please see these sites:

(Link): Debunking the Myth that Married People Live Longer

(Link): Living Single

(DePaulo’s blog on Psychology Today where she frequently refutes erroneous ideas about singles and singlehood)

(Link): All Things Single (and More)

(From another source):

(Link): Unmarried and Childless Women Are the Happiest, Happiness Expert Claims (2019 Study)

By the way, where the Bible says “two is better than one,” that is not exclusive to a martial relationship only.

That phrase can refer to a brother and sister, a grandmother to her grandchild, a neighbor to another, a co-worker to another co-worker at a job, or two platonic friends.

Jesus Christ explicitly taught that placing marriage, “traditional family,” and pro-creating above the family of God is sin, and it is also misplaced, and it needlessly excludes singles (the never married adults, the divorced, the widows and widowers), and those without flesh and blood family-

Jesus Christ said:

    • “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me” (Matthew 10)

“For I have come to turn
“‘a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.” (Matthew 10: 34-36)

“If any man come to Me and hate not his father and mother, and wife and children, and brethren and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. (Luke 14:26)

He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” (Matthew 12:46-50)
—(end quotes)—

I guess Mohler is totally unacquainted with the Bible.

He, like many other conservative Christians, needs to repent of making an idol out of marriage, of having children, of the 1950s nuclear family ideal, and for his blatant shaming and degradation of singleness.

He and other Southern Baptists also need to repent of the youth worship: the non-stop fixation on the teens and twenty-somethings.

I used to be a Christian teen and twenty-something and find myself quite possibly walking away from the Christian faith in my 40s, due in part to the youth worship that goes on in Southern Baptist churches (they do not care about middle aged or senior adults), and how singles (or singleness itself) are shamed, treated with scorn, or else ignored.

Mohler also incorrectly assumes (based on other comments he’s made I’ve seen in the past) that a lot of singles are intentionally remaining single: this is false.

Many of us had hoped to marry, but there (Link): were not enough single Christian men to marry, so we singles either stay single or marry Non-Christians.

As I have explained on older posts (but will not belabor here), all this harping on “rah rah, marriage is great!” (as well as gender complementarian) rhetoric is actually perpetuating protracted singleness among Christians of all ages, even among the ones who desire marriage.

Ironically, if churches supported singles and singlehood (and gender egalitarianism), more of us would be getting married.

If the Mohlers of the Christian world truly gave a damn about marriage, they would be helping singles, not disparaging singles or singlehood.

Helping singles and respecting singleness, as well as respecting celibacy in the unmarried who are past the age of 30, would help more singles get married, it would cut down on sexual sin (even among the married Christians), and it would also put a huge dent in the strides pro- homosexuality advocates have made in Christian culture, which troubles the hetero- marriage- worshippers so. These facts keep sailing right over their heads, however.

Responses to Mohler (or like-minded) by Christians, including singles:

(Link):  Singleness a Sin? by Camerin Courtney

(Link): In Response To … Al Mohler on Singleness and Childlessness

(Link): Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault

(Link): Have We [conservative Christians, Baptists, evangelicals] Said Too Much? (About Marriage, that is)

Apparently Mohler believes job discrimination against the unmarried is ethical and “Christian” too; see this page:

From Single and Sane Blog:
(Link): The Single Pastor

Related posts, this blog:

(Link): Southern Baptist Al Mohler Intimates That Childless And Childfree Adults Are  Not Human (2019) – and He Thinks This is a Good and Biblical Worldview

(Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Is Not

(Link): Unmarried and Childless Women Are the Happiest, Happiness Expert Claims (2019 Study)

(Link):  Women Who Stay Single or Get Divorced Are Healthiest by B. DePaulo

(Link):   Please Stop Shaming Me for Being Single by J. Vadnal

(Link): “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link):  James the Single 40-Something Guy Asks 700 Club’s Pat Robertson Why Churches Don’t Help Singles

(Link): Cathy The Single Woman Asks Pat Robertson Why God Has Not Replied to Her Prayers for Years to Send Her a Spouse

(Link):  Never-Married Adult Man Named Stephen Asks Christian Host Why God Has Not Answered His 3-Decades Long Prayers To Send Him A Wife

(Link): Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial (2019) Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse

(Link):   Preacher Says in Sermon that Single Men Who Play Video Games Are Losers Who Have Retarded Spirits and This Creates Dating Problems for Women

(Link):  Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy 

(Link):   How the Dating Scene Became Stacked Against Women – via CT, by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link): 60 Year Old, Never- Married Woman Asks Christian TV Host Pat Robertson If Some Are Just Not Meant to Marry

(Link): Man / Husband Shortage in Hong Kong – just like in American Christian circles

(Link): What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME) (ie, Why Are Conservative Religious Women Not Marrying Even Though They Want to Be Married. Hint: It’s a Demographics Issue)

(Link):  Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

(Link): Preachers and Christian Media Personalities: Re: Marriage – You’re missing the point stop trying to argue or shame singles into getting married

(Link): When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments [by Christians]

(Link): Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link): Conservative Christians Are Now Blaming Homosexual Marriage on Heterosexual Single Adults

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

(Link): Yes, Some Women Use and Look at Pornography (including Christian ones)

(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)

(Link): Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – Easy Forgivism

(Link): The Myth of the Gift – Regarding Christian Teachings on Gift of Singleness and Gift of Celibacy

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity (Many Christians Actually -Disrespect- Virginity, Celibacy, Sexual Purity)

(Link): Married (Christian) People Aren’t More Virtuous Than Christian Singles

(Link): There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One

(Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible

(Link): Christian Double Standards on Celibacy – Hetero Singles Must Abstain from Sex but Not Homosexual Singles

(Link): Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): Are Most Churches Too Judgemental About Sexual Sin? (of the hetero variety)

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians Re: Marriage

(Link): Fatherhood Not Quite the Producer of Manly, Mature, Godly Men Some Conservative Christians Make It Out To Be

(Link): Why Unmarried – Single Christians Should Be Concerned about the Gender Role Controversy

(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

(Link): Southern Baptist Theological Seminary Leader Al Mohler Makes Tacky, Crass Sex Joke on Twitter

(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)

(Link): Conservative Christianity Stuck in 1950s Leave it To Beaver-ville

(Link): Pastor Busted in Prostitution Sting – If Married Sex So Great Why Do So Many Married Christian Men Have Affairs

(Link): New Study Released: Cheaters: More American Married Women Admit to Adultery (links)

(Link): Un Happy Mother’s Day – universal church continues to worship parenthood, family

(Link): Grandma Smashes Infant Granddaughter to Death with SledgeHammer, Slits Infant’s Throat – Motherhood Does Not Make Women More Mature, Godly

(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

(Link): Motherhood Does Not Make Women More Godly or Mature – another example – (Mother Suffocates New Born and Shoves It In Toilet)

(Link): Focus on the Family Members Practice Infidelity or Homosexuality and Get Divorced and Remarry – links to exposes
Articles / editorials on other sites:

(Link): Excellent Article by J. Watts: The Scandal of Singleness – singles / never married christian

Christian Single Adult Ministry (Video Series and a Web Site)

Christian Single Adult Ministry (Video Series and a Web Site)

Site (below there are links to some of their videos):
(Link): AoG Single Adult Ministries Home Page

I’m not completely up on AoG theology, so do not assume I agree with everything they believe in just because I’m linking to some of their content.

Based upon the first couple of minutes I’ve seen of one of their videos below, they sound biblical enough. I didn’t hear any huge, glaring red flags.

But again, me linking to some of these pages /videos should not be considered a wholescale seal of approval by me of every view or comment in every video or on every page.

I have not watched every video or read every page, so for all I know, some of their ideas or teachings are un-biblical or stupid.

They have many videos. I am not linking to every single one.

Videos from an Assemblies of God group on Adult Singleness:

(Link): Meeting the Diverse Needs of Single Adults

(Link): Misconceptions of Single Adults and Single Adult Ministry
“Marriage is not a half person and a half person coming together to make a whole person,” said one guy in the video. AMEN!
(But – that is a teaching a lot of PREACHERS perpetuate in their sermons.)

(Link): Trends in Single Adult Ministry
-in that video, a few trends are discussed:

    – they discuss online dating sites

    – one guy says his research shows the more healthy a single is, the less likely he or she is to attend a church singles group.

    (I would agree with that. Not just healthy, but the more attractive. Most singles I see in singles classes when I visit are quite dumpy looking.)

    – they mention age of first marriage has gone up in the last 30 – 40 years

    – cohabitation

    – financial problems with older (as in over 30) singles / unemployment

    – poverty, and how it hits widows, single parents, divorced

    – churches are fixating on nuclear families, not singles or step families, etc.

    – churches should be hiring full time adult singles preachers but refuse to

From their site (this is a page, not a video):

I agreed with some of the points on this list, but not all:

(Link): Myths of Singleness

Excerpts (this is not the entire list, and these are the points I mostly related to or agreed with):

    Myths of Singleness

    Single adults are a threat to married adults –
    Some insecure married adults believe this. It is almost always unjustified! It is usually the married adult which feels this, and as a result, alienates the single adult. There are plenty of single adults in this country (82 million to be exact) to discover without looking at married adults!

    Single adults are not complete until they are married
    Because of the emphasis on “marriage and family” in most evangelical churches, single adults may feel like a “half person” at times! Phrases such as, “I want you to meet my better half,” and questions and attitudes like, “Why isn’t an attractive woman like you married yet?” do little to help a single adult feel complete. The truth is, “We are complete in Him!” (Colossians 2:10)

    Single adults have more money than married adults
    There are a few single adults who make good money and may have more than married adults. Generally it is untrue, though! Young single adults are not into their income producing years yet; divorced single women almost always take a huge cut in their income; 60% of single-parent females make less than the poverty level; most widowed adults live on a low, fixed income.