Link Roundup 1 – Abusive Mothers, Christians Shaming Singles For Desiring Marriage, Family Idol Fixation
Instead of breaking these topics into separate posts, here’s one big post covering two or three recurring topics that my blog here is all about.
>> Topic 1. Conservative Christians think that unmarried and/or childless or child-free individuals are less mature, godly, or responsible than their married and/or parental counterparts. False. Another example of parents behaving badly:
- A Florida mother was passed out from drinking while her 10-year-old son was found wandering their neighborhood naked and intoxicated. Local police officers arrested Nedra Byrd, 31, on neglect charges on Thursday night. Amanda Roesch, a neighbor who took the boy in dressed him, and put him to sleep, told reporters that she had walked over to the boy’s home.
>> Topic 2. Christians who guilt trip or shame singles who want marriage, making us feel bad for wanting marriage, telling us we’ve turned marriage into an idol, and we “want marriage too much”
Okay, so, if I understand this right (see Mefferd links below), Christians are worried that Christian singles aren’t getting married, but when we say we would really like to be married, we are told we are “making too much of marriage.” Which the hell is it, Christian culture, speakers, and preacher? Do you want us singles married or not?
If you married Christians (or you (Link): “shiny happy” single Christians) feel we singles who are not totally thrilled 100% of the time being single are “idolizing” marriage just by merely desiring it at all, then shut up with the blame and insults, such as, “you single Christians should WANT TO get married, but you do not get married because you are lazy, selfish, immature, irresponsible, or fat/ weird/ socially retarded and you must secretly HATE MARRIAGE and desire to be single FOREVER.”
>> Topic 3. Fixation on Nuclear Family / Fixation on Gay Marriage, anything but Christian singles past 30 who desire marriage but marriage ain’t happening
>> Topic Example 3. 1.
The online paper, The Christian Post, was running yet ANOTHER editorial bemoaning the encroachment of homosexual marriage about a week ago:
- I have argued for years that our churches aren’t an embassy of biblical ethics in a land of sexual revolution. The embassy is aflame, and the sexual revolutionary flag is waving atop our consulate. We’ve surrendered on marriage in too many ways: on its permanence, on fidelity, and even too many times on its nature rooted in sexual complementarity. Just because we’re not marrying two grooms or two brides, yet, doesn’t mean we’re standing firm on marriage.
And we’ll talk about practical matters your people will ask. Is it okay to attend a same-sex marriage since Jesus ate with tax-collectors? Should a Christian florist deliver flowers to such a wedding?
>> Topic Example 3. 2
I sent Janet Mefferd, radio host, an e-mail sometime in March or April of this year (2013), in response to one of her programs, where she and a guest were lamenting about the phenomenon of delayed marriage and declined birth rate.
I explained to Mefferd what I’ve said on this blog before: it is a falsehood that most Christian singles are deliberately choosing to forgo marriage or are intentionally choosing to hold off marriage until their late 30s or later.
See posts at this blog:
(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents and
(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single
I believe, if I recall correctly, that I also mentioned to Mefferd in my e-mail to her that this subject needs more attention from Christians, that Christians spend far too much time as it is “defending traditional marriage,” worrying about homosexual marriage, and just going on and on in general about marriage and parenting, and that this extraordinary amount of attention on marriage and parenting is very alienating and has negative repercussions on singles who desire marriage.
It’s possible Mefferd did not see my e-mail I suppose; maybe she gets hundreds per day. My message was sent via her site’s e-mail submission form. But ever since I sent it, I’ve noticed in the one or two months since, she has done several more shows about homosexual marriage, traditional marriage, homosexuals wanting to join the Boy Scouts, about abortion, and so on.
All this fixation on homosexuals and related matters is doing nothing to help the plight of mature (i.e., over age 30) Christian singles who want marriage. The church’s attention and energy can be better spent on other areas, such as actually helping people, rather than sitting around condemning secular culture.
The church needs to be doing something concrete and constructive to help singles get paired up, for those who want marriage – “eHarmony” dating sites are NOT the cure-all, either. Churches need to be hosting more social events where singles can meet and mingle and that sort of thing. They need to be mentioning the topic of older (as in age 30 – 59) singles from the pulpit, on radio shows, and in magazines.