Single, People Pleasing Guy Murdered by Neighbor (Incident Triggered by His People Pleasing) – Another Precaution for Codependents (and for Complementarian Women)

Single, People Pleasing Guy Murdered by Neighbor (Incident Triggered by His People Pleasing) – Another Precaution for Codependents (and for Complementarian Women)

I’m not blaming this guy for his own murder, but I am saying in this post if you’re a people pleaser, an empath, or a codependent and/or you are a woman who was brought up to believe in Christian gender complementarianism, you need to learn how to start having boundaries right away (regardless of what your church or church preacher thinks), and get very comfortable with saying “no” to people, or you could end up like this guy.

The chain of events that led to his death was his good nature, kindness, willingness to help other people and an inability to say “no” to people.

I suspect he was a codependent.

First, here is some background before I resume with my observations:

(Link): Ronald March Murder: Where is Lance Standberg Now?

Excerpts:

October 2022

A vicious attack in an alley in Burnaby, British Columbia, Canada, left Ronald March dead in August 2012.

The authorities quickly found the person responsible, though, since both men had a history of animosity.

Investigation Discovery’s ‘Fear Thy Neighbor: Hell-Bent’ focuses on the events leading up to Ronald’s death and how the tragic attack occurred.

So, let’s find out more about what happened then, shall we?

How Did Ronald March Die?

Ronald William March was described as an avid reader and an intelligent man. Loved ones remembered the Vancouver resident as gentle and kind, always going out of his way to help others if needed.

America’s Best City for Singles – With the Most Unattached Women Per Capita and 55.4% of Residents Unmarried

America’s Best City for Singles – With the Most Unattached Women Per Capita and 55.4% of Residents Unmarried

(Link): This is America’s best city for singles: ‘A lot of hot women here’

March 3, 2023
By Alex Mitchell

…New research from the Thriving Center of Psychology has found that Buffalo is one of the best cities in America to be single.

The western New York metropolis has the third most single people per capita compared to other major cities, according to the survey, which relied on US census data. But it also boasts the most single women per capita of any city, and the ninth most single men.

Buffalo bachelors, especially, are cheering the favorable conditions.

…The city’s affordability is a key reason it’s good for bachelors and bachelorettes. The cost of living is 39% below New York state’s average and 5% below the nation’s as a whole, according to RentCafe, an apartment search website.

Thanks to the favorable economics, residents don’t have to couple up.

(Link): America’s best city for singles – with the most unattached women per capita and 55.4% of residents unmarried: ‘You don’t have to put in much effort’

Excerpts:

By Will Potter
March 4, 2023

America’s best city for singles has been revealed – with Buffalo, New York beating out the nation’s top metropolises to grab the number one spot.

The bachelor paradise won a glistening review in new research from the Thriving Center of Psychology, which found it boasts the most single women per capita in the country.

It also has the ninth most single men and the third most single people in general per capita, according to the data, which also found three quarters of singles struggle to find a match without using a dating app.

Six Ways Single People Can Thrive This Valentine’s Day by J. Hocking

Six Ways Single People Can Thrive This Valentine’s Day by J. Hocking

(Link): Six Ways Single People Can Thrive This Valentine’s Day

by J. Hocking
February 2023

Confession.

I have been single for the last ten Valentine’s Days. Yes you read that right: T-E-N. So I’ve become quite the pro when it comes to navigating the day known to couples as ‘best day of the year’ and to singles, the day they want to curl up in a ball and die.

Those in a loved-up relationship will know the thrill of a big bunch of roses arriving at their work desk. To be paraded around the office as everyone comments “oh you lucky thing” while quietly filling their coffee cups up with hard liquor.

Seriously, nothing reminds you that you’re single like Valentine’s Day. And while we’ve been lucky enough to avoid the gross V-day for a couple of years thanks to lockdown – this year I’m afraid it’s unavoidable.

So what do you do when you know you’re going to be surrounded by smooching couples and roses that aren’t for you. You turn lemons into lemonade my friend!

You may not believe this, but I have honestly had the best Valentine’s Day as a singleton. I distinctly remember one year my two best friends and I were all single at the same time. So we decided to tackle it together and celebrate Galentine’s Day.

You Can Flush Your Ex Down the Toilet This Valentine’s Day

You Can Flush Your Ex Down the Toilet This Valentine’s Day

 (Link): You can flush your ex down the toilet this Valentine’s Day

By Brooke Steinberg
February 2, 2023

Say goodbye to your crappy ex this Valentine’s Day.

Feb. 14 is not full of roses and love for everyone — some people are happily single and are fine with ignoring the holiday.

Others might be recently single or experiencing heartbreak, and are reminded of the raw memories thanks to the day that’s full of romantic cliches, pink and red color schemes, roses and candy hearts.

Toilet paper company Who Gives a Crap wants to help people forget their exes and find a way to enjoy Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day Secret: Special Occasion Up Ahead is Not Just For Lovers (Celebrate Valentine’s With and For Friends and Family Too)

Valentine’s Day Secret: Special Occasion Up Ahead is Not Just For Lovers (Celebrate Valentine’s With and For Friends and Family Too)

From the time I was a kid, in my family, Valentine’s Day was not just considered a romantic holiday, but something that could be celebrated with friends and family.

It was normal in my family for me, when I was a kid, to wake up on Valentine’s to find Valentine’s Day cards from my Mom, Dad, and sometimes my siblings. As I got older and had jobs, I’d sometimes buy cards for friends and family, and sometimes chocolates for my sister, Mom, and friends I had.

Valentine’s Day does not have to be a holiday only for married or dating couples. If you’re single, you can still celebrate it.

(Link): Valentine’s Day secret: Special occasion up ahead is not just for lovers

Ahead of the holiday, parents can teach their kids a valuable family remembrance tip this Valentine’s Day

January 30, 2023
by Britt Riner

On Valentine’s Day this year, here’s an idea from one mother to other parents.

Why not write your own parents a grown-up Valentine’s Day message — and model for your own children the love between generations?

Sometimes kids forget to express their affection to the very people who love them, precisely because they know they don’t need to earn their parents’ love.

Florida Man Throws Christmas Tree at Wife After Being Asked to Help With Dinner

Florida Man Throws Christmas Tree at Wife After Being Asked to Help With Dinner

🎄🎄🎄

Ho ho ho! 🎅 Does being married guarantee happiness, contentment, and inner peace? No it does not!

So if you’re single this holiday and bummed out about it, don’t be! You can enjoy your own company… which is preferable to having an idiot spouse throw a Christmas tree at you.

(Link): Florida man is arrested after hitting his wife with a CHRISTMAS TREE after she asked him to help her with dinner

Dec 15, 2022

A Florida man was arrested after bashing his wife with a Christmas tree after he became enraged when she asked him to help prepare dinner.

Richard Daniel Atchison, 52, was arrested on Monday around 7pm on felony charges including false imprisonment, violation of an injunction and domestic battery, according to an arrest affidavit obtained by DailyMail.com.

…The disturbing incident occurred when Atchison ‘lost his temper’ after the couple got into an argument inside their Fruitland Park home.

(Link): Florida Man Throws Christmas Tree at Wife After Being Asked to Help With Dinner

December 14, 2022
By Pilar Arias , Fox News

A Florida man allegedly threw a Christmas tree at his wife during an argument that was sparked when she asked him to help make dinner, authorities said.

Richard Atchison, 52, “lost his temper” in the couple’s Fruitland Park home Monday evening after his wife asked for help and put a spoon in the sink, accidentally splashing him with water, according to an arrest affidavit obtained by FOX 35 Orlando.

The One Question You Should Never Ask a Single Person at Christmas by J. Hocking

The One Question You Should Never Ask a Single Person at Christmas by J. Hocking

(Link): The one question you should never ask a single person at Christmas

Excerpts:

by Jana Hocking
December 15, 2022

This time of year can put a shiver up the spine of most singletons.

Yes, it’s Christmastime, and oopsy daisy, you forgot to bag yourself a partner in time for dinner with the family.

You’re armoring up for the “Why haven’t you got yourself a partner yet?” question from annoying relatives with good hearts, and the idea of waking up by yourself instead of to a boisterous house full of children and a sexy husband can seem pretty darn crappy.

Except … it’s not.

You see, we focus so much on the traditional side of Christmas, we forget that this time of year as a singleton is actually ridiculously fun.

Don’t believe me? Let me point out a few reasons why you can thank the Lord he didn’t throw your soulmate into your direct path this year.

1. Sweet, sweet freedom

Unlike partnered-up couples who are arguing about who will be designated driver, and trying to figure out whose family gets Christmas and whose gets Boxing Day, you get the glorious gift of freedom to pick and choose to do whatever the heck you want for Christmas.

A Fake Romeo, Patrick Giblin, Charmed More Than 100 Women with Promises of Romance, Then Scammed Them. Now He’s Going to Prison

A Fake Romeo, Patrick Giblin, Charmed More Than 100 Women with Promises of Romance, Then Scammed Them. Now He’s Going to Prison

Christians really set women up to make easy targets for the man in this news story, and Christians, with their “gender complementarian” teachings, pressure women to stay IN relationships with dishonest, manipulative trash like this, if the woman marries the guy.

Christians, by and large, are naive, and the way they teach believers, especially girls and women, to live life, makes them very susceptible to being taken in by scammers.

(Link): STOLE HER HEART Inside heartless crimes of ‘fake Romeo’ Patrick Giblin likened to Tinder Swindler who scammed hundreds out of thousands 

(Link): Police say this dude presented himself as a rich, suave Romeo to con dozens of women out of more than $250,000

(Link): A fake Romeo, Patrick Giblin, charmed more than 100 women with promises of romance, then scammed them. Now he’s going to prison

by Faith Karimi, CNN
Dec 10, 2022

Patrick Giblin was like the American version of the “Tinder Swindler” – but without the private jets.

He wooed women with stories about his respectable family – his father was a judge, he said – and beachfront property in Atlantic City, New Jersey, where he said he worked in the casino industry, according to a federal criminal complaint. He told them he was ready to settle down and was more interested in a woman’s inner beauty than her outward appearance.

He vowed that distance was not an issue because he had access to discount flights and was even ready to move to a woman’s city to further their romance.

But federal officials say those were all lies, concocted to swindle women looking for love through dating sites. A review of plea agreements and federal complaints show that Giblin conned at least 100 women over two decades, coaxing them out of more than $250,000 with false promises followed by requests for short-term loans that were never repaid.

“He preyed on vulnerabilities, promising to end the loneliness of a woman who had recently ended a long-term relationship or soothing someone who recently suffered the death of a loved one,” said a report by federal prosecutors in New Jersey. “Giblin would convince these women that he was willing to relocate to their locales but needed money wired to do so.”

Adult, Single Woman Forgotten and Lie Dead in Her Home for Two Years Before Body Discovered

Adult, Single Woman Forgotten and Lie Dead in Her Home for Two Years Before Body Discovered

I believe this is in London, Great Britain. I’ve read of similar scenarios occurring in the United States.

As I said on Twitter, too many American churches (and even abuse survivor advocates) are too hyper-focused on children to show much interest or care in helping anyone single (or even married) over the age of 30,  40, 50, etc.

I don’t want to fall into the strange, usually liberal habit of insisting that everyone care about a particular topic as much as I do, but I find it troubling and weird that people can clutch their pearls in worry over child neglect or child abuse but not seem to care about elderly (or middle aged) people who die alone and so on.

I guess it’s like people who go looking at an animal shelter to adopt a pet, and they go for the puppies and kittens, rather than the elderly cats and dogs who arguably need care and a home more than the babies do.

As someone who is a former codependent, I myself have to be careful about not adopting a “care taker” role, though.

I spent too many years trying to rescue or look out for other people around me (whether family, co-workers, or neighbors), of whatever age, and I am burnt out.

I don’t see why churches cannot do more in this area, though.

I have several news articles cited on my blog about married people who die all alone.

Yes, even if you are married and even if you have adult children, you can end up dying alone. It happens.

(Link): The police failures that left ‘forgotten’ woman to lie dead in her flat for two-and-a-half years: How officers TWICE visited her home and claimed medical secretary was ‘safe and well’ after refusing to force entry

July 22, 2022
by Martin Robinson

Police twice decided not to break into a flat where a medical secretary lay decomposing for two-and-a-half years and even mistakenly claimed she had been seen ‘safe and well’ despite having already been dead for at least 14 months by then, an inquest heard.

Sheila Seleoane’s housing association had also failed to ‘connect the dots’ when she stopped paying rent, her gas was switched off and neighbours complained of a terrible smell emanating from her home in Peckham.

The hearing at Southwark Coroner’s Court was told her rent payments stopped around the time she died, but Peabody was able to arrange for them to be taken from her Universal Credit benefits.

The housing association also switched off Miss Seleoane’s gas supply without making contact with Britain’s ‘forgotten’ woman.

Are Liberals Trying to Pathologize Heterosexuality? Re: Heteropessimism – Liberals Trying to Reinvent the Wheel

Are Liberals Trying to Pathologize Heterosexuality? Re: Heteropessimism – Liberals Trying to Reinvent the Wheel

I recently saw an article from left leaning Salon magazine that discussed “heteropessimism.”

Liberals didn’t like celibacy and ‘virginity-unti-marriage’ until a lot of liberal, feminist women got burned out by and felt cheated by feminist “sex positivity,” so they took the good, old fashioned Christian and conservative concepts of monogamy, slapped the word “radical” in front of it and began arguing that sexual self control and restraint may be a good thing (as long as it’s not associated with that icky Christianity, conservatism, old fashioned values, or Purity Culture – eye roll here).

Now, those left- of- center seem hell bent on shaming heterosexuals for being heterosexual, or convincing them that heterosexuality is so passe’ and awful.

Some of this seems really bogus to me, considering that a percentage of American homosexuals claimed they wanted to have the ability for a man to legally wed another man – in other words, some homosexuals were claiming they wanted to mimic aspects of heterosexuality.

So it makes little sense for liberals to turn around and say that being heterosexual is blase’ and miserable (even if some married heteros do admit that marriage was not the fantasy they had hoped it would be) and that heterosexuals can learn a thing or two from homosexuals.

If this were true, why would homosexuals want to practice some of the same things that heteros do, like get married and have children?

I’m a never married hetero lady, and I’m here to say there’s nothing wrong with heterosexuality or with hetero marriage.

The issue is not hetero marriage or being hetero itself, but that secular culture and Christian churches have had the sad tendency in decades past to “over sell” marriage.

The reality is that you’re not going to find your meaning, purpose, identity and happiness (certainly not sustained happiness) in marriage, or not in marriage alone, no matter what romance novels, Hollywood Rom Coms, or your typical pro-marriage Christian sermon says.

What happens is that secular culture and obsessively pro-marriage Christians “promise big” on marriage and parenthood, but once people actually marry and have a child or two, they realize that no, marriage and parenthood aren’t the Norman Rockwell, Hallmark Card they had been promised.

Too often, church and culture portray marriage and parenting as though they will be fairy tales.

The conservative Federalist site is upset that some mothers have been getting real about motherhood lately and publishing their anecdotes about how boring, stressful, or difficult motherhood can be.

There’s nothing wrong with being heterosexual or having a hetero marriage, so far as it goes, but I do see a problem with a secular or religious culture that paints an unrealistic picture of marriage.

It’s one that can let people down, once they actually do marry and realize their partner is not a perfect dreamboat who can save them or magically make their life better.

I have more to say below this link and excerpt – the church was already given a solution to this problem via the New Testament, which I will explain below:

(Link): What is “heteropessimism,” and why do men and women suffer from it?

July 4, 2022

It’s time to examine alternative ways of living and loving found in other cultures and LGBTQAI+ communities

By Jennifer Hamilton

…Heteropessimism is a new word for an intuitive, possibly very old, concept in white Western culture. Coined in 2019 by writer Asa Seresin, heteropessimism is an attitude of disappointment, embarrassment or despair at the state of heterosexual relations  – specifically about being in one.

Seresin’s definition is useful because this pessimism is accompanied by the paradoxical practice of sticking with heterosexuality in its current forms, even as it is judged to be “irredeemable.”

Seresin now uses the term “heterofatalism” to emphasise how dire, hopeless, and lacking in visions for an alternative, this attitude is.

How Everyone Got So Lonely by Z. Heller (Article Discusses Incels, Sexism, Being Single By Circumstance, other topics)

How Everyone Got So Lonely by Z. Heller (Article Discusses Incels, Sexism, Being Single By Circumstance, other topics)

(Link): How Everyone Got So Lonely

Excerpts:

The recent decline in rates of sexual activity has been attributed variously to sexism, neoliberalism, and women’s increased economic independence. How fair are those claims—and will we be saved by the advent of the sex robot?

By Zoë Heller
April 4, 2022

[The article opens by going over all the information I’ve been posting to this blog the last several years: more and more Americans (and people in other nations as well) are remaining virgins or celibate, and some are opting out of dating and marriage.
Some are doing so out of choice – with some they may want to have sex and/marry but are still single or celibate due to circumstance.]

… The chief driver of this so-called “sex drought” is not, as one might expect, the aging of the American population but the ever more abstemious habits of the young. Since the nineteen-nineties, the proportion of American high-school students who are virgins has risen from forty-five per cent to sixty per cent.  …

[The article covers many of the explanations various studies and authors have been citing to explain the lack of sexual activity, especially among the young – everything from more people in their 20s and 30s living at home with their parents, to porn, to video games.]

… For the British economist Noreena Hertz, the decline in sex is best understood as both a symptom and a cause of a much wider “loneliness epidemic.”

In her book “The Lonely Century” (Currency), she describes “a world that’s pulling apart,” in which soaring rates of social isolation threaten not only our physical and mental health but the health of our democracies.

Singles: Don’t Let Valentine’s Day Wreck Your Life By Lisa Anderson

Singles: Don’t Let Valentine’s Day Wreck Your Life By Lisa Anderson

For a Christian-penned essay, this is pretty good (the link, with excerpts, is below).

I usually find most Christian- authored material about singleness to be off mark, but this was pretty good.

A word from me about Valentine’s Day, that echoes what the author below says:
If you’re single, want to be married, but still find yourself single into your 30s, 40s, or older, Valentine’s Day can be a painful and/or frustrating holiday.

With the passage of time, though, as I came to accept my singleness (I had wanted to be married for years, but it never came to pass), as more and more time went by, Valentine’s Day stopped bothering me.

Maybe the same will be true for you, if you’re single, don’t want to be single, and find Valentine’s to be a difficult holiday.

I initially found Valentine’s Day sad, then after a few years (as I was still single), I was annoyed or angered by it – then after a few more years (still single), it just stopped bothering me – I’d say this was some time around my mid or late 40s, age-wise.

I was kind of apathetic about this holiday by around my late 40s. These days, I actually kind of enjoy Valentine’s Day.

In my family, when I was growing up, Valentine’s Day was not just about romantic love; my Mom used to give us (my siblings and myself) Valentine’s (cards and candy), and as I got older, my Dad usually gives me a Valentine’s card, I send them either via snail mail or on social media to my sister, she sends them to me, and I sometimes give my Dad a card.

You don’t have to have a boyfriend or a husband to celebrate the holiday. You can still send cards or candy to family or friends.

My point being, as time goes by, the holiday loses its sting – at least it did for me. You may even come to enjoy it, the more you accept the fact that marriage hasn’t happened for you. I’ve actually come to enjoy Valentine’s.

This year, I bought a couple of bags of chocolate candy on sale prior to the holiday; they are heart-shaped chocolates in red- colored wrappers, and I had a handful on Valentine’s Day. I treated myself, and it felt good.

I don’t know where you are in acceptance of your singles status, but if you’re still struggling, know that with the passage of time, it will probably get easier for you.

(Link): Singles: Don’t Let Valentine’s Day Wreck Your Life By Lisa Anderson

Excerpts:

….I chose long ago to face February 14th without fear. If you’re single with no romantic prospects in sight, here are a few ideas for how to do the same.

It’s OK to be sad. Valentine’s Day is marketed for couples, and if you don’t have a plus-one, it’s easy to feel left out. Whether you’ve been overlooked in love, you’ve recently walked through a breakup or divorce, or perhaps the love of your life has died, love lost is something to be grieved.

Don’t be ashamed to give yourself the time and space you need.