‘I Stopped Having Sex or Relationships for Ten Years. Here’s What Happened’ by Anonymous

‘I Stopped Having Sex or Relationships for Ten Years. Here’s What Happened’ by Anonymous

(Link): ‘I stopped having sex or relationships for ten years. Here’s what happened’ by Anonymous

[The woman author in London describes having been in two relationships that broke up because both men cheated on her. She then quit her job, volunteered at a charity in another nation, came back to London and changed to yet another job and made other changes in her life]

Yet one thing eluded me. I couldn’t form a romantic attachment to men. I found men attractive and felt sexual energy towards some.

I enjoyed flirting but avoided sex out of fear it would cause an emotional attachment.

For the next decade of my life, from the age of 35 to 45, I had no relationships, one night stands or dalliances that would throw me off balance.

Continue reading “‘I Stopped Having Sex or Relationships for Ten Years. Here’s What Happened’ by Anonymous”

Wife Hospitalized with Covid Comes Home to Find Husband Dead from Virus

Wife Hospitalized with Covid Comes Home to Find Husband Dead from Virus

This poor lady. Condolences to her.

One reason I am posting this is to highlight that there are no guarantees in life – getting married is not some kind of magic spell that will make you immune to heartache or loneliness.

I’ve seen marriage-pushing conservatives, both secular and Christian, promote marriage by creating podcasts or blog posts trying to “scare” single adult into getting married by saying things like “If you don’t marry, you’ll die alone!”

After Covid became a thing, marriage-idolater Brad Wilcox, of the National Marriage Project and Institute for Family Studies, began publishing anti-singles hit pieces, saying how married people were doing better in the pandemic (no, they are not. See links at the end of this post).

You can get married but still end up alone – for one, if your spouse dies from Covid.

If the virus were a sentient being, it wouldn’t pause when it comes to you and think, “Well, I’m not going to get into this person’s respiratory system, because they’re married!”

You can be married all live long day and still end up dying – or your spouse could die before you do, leaving you single once more.

Time for Christians to stop marketing marriage as some kind of cure-all for everything that could ail a person.

(Link): Wife Hospitalized with Covid Comes Home to Find Husband Dead from Virus

by Jackie Salo
August 26, 2021

A Florida woman says she returned home from battling COVID-19 in the hospital to a “nightmare” scene with her husband dead after also contracting the virus.

Lisa Steadman, 58, said she was horrified to walk in Wednesday to discover her 55-year-old husband Ron’s body in the bedroom of their home in Winter Haven, Fox13 News reported.

Continue reading “Wife Hospitalized with Covid Comes Home to Find Husband Dead from Virus”

Loneliness: Coping With the Gap Where Friends Used to Be by Olivia Laing

Loneliness: Coping With the Gap Where Friends Used to Be by Olivia Laing

(Link): Loneliness: Coping With the Gap Where Friends Used to Be

by Olivia Laing
July 18, 2021

Friendships can be difficult, and lockdowns have made them even harder to maintain. But we should cherish them

Almost every day for the past few months, I’ve told my husband I am lonely. Obviously I’m glad that he’s around.

What I miss are my friends. In the first lockdown, we stayed in touch with Zoom dates, which were awkward, often drunk and occasionally very joyful.

Those days are long gone. I’ve returned to texting, and though I’m often deep in four or five conversations at once, it isn’t the same as being together.

In the past year, there was a difficult bereavement in my family, and work has been harder than normal. None of these things are unique or insurmountable but the isolation has left me feeling almost capsized by anxiety and paranoia.

…But a lack of friends is a growing problem, in Britain and America alike. A  (Link): recent study, conducted by the American Enterprise Institute, suggests that the proportion of people who can name six close friends has dropped from 55% to 27% since the 1990s, while people who have no close friends at all had risen from 3% to 12%.

Continue reading “Loneliness: Coping With the Gap Where Friends Used to Be by Olivia Laing”

Celebrating Milestones in the Lives of Single Adults – by Anna Broadway

Celebrating Milestones in the Lives of Single Adults – by Anna Broadway

A few years ago, I did a blog post or two with similar content – pointing out how churches keep on ignoring or minimizing singles by ignoring them and their accomplishments while forcing everyone to acknowledge (generally during Sunday morning church services) the milestones of married parents (e.g., announcing pregnancies, Mother’s Day celebrations, etc).

There’s nothing like that for single adults. And it’s tiresome when you’re a single.

It’s tiresome to walk into a church regularly and see the pastor or whomever in the church acknowledge marriages, new births, etc. (and this is usually done during church services where you’re part of a captive audience, and it’s done from the pulpit, so you don’t have a choice but to listen to it), but they never congratulate the adult singles in the adult singles’ lives for their milestones (e.g., gaining another college degree, buying a first home alone, getting a job promotion, etc).

Most churches unfairly only recognize marriages and “baby-making” – it’s absolutely infuriating.

(Link): It’s the Summer of Weddings. Here Are Other Milestones We Can Celebrate.

Excerpts:

by Anna Broadway
June 14, 2021

The church has a unique opportunity to recognize markers of spiritual growth in our communities.

…But watching the joyous announcements and photos of this season triggered an internal battle over my status as a single woman and my “success” in adult life. As I learned from (Link): 17 months of researching Christian singleness around the world, many cultures deem marriage a mark of maturity into adulthood, a view that too often sidelines single people.

The Bible takes a different view of maturity: one based on a relationship with Christ rather than with another person. The apostle Paul, for example, called believers to develop certain qualities rather than hit certain life markers. That ought to have significant implications for what and how we celebrate.

Continue reading “Celebrating Milestones in the Lives of Single Adults – by Anna Broadway”

Being Single Was Just a Part of Their Lives Before the Pandemic. Then It Became the Defining One by B. Luscombe

Being Single Was Just a Part of Their Lives Before the Pandemic. Then It Became the Defining One by B. Luscombe

(Link): Being Single Was Just a Part of Their Lives Before the Pandemic. Then It Became the Defining One

Excerpts:

[Article opens with interviews with single adults who are living alone in the Covid pandemic]

….At the dawn of 2020, about a quarter of American households were made up of people who lived alone. According to the U.S. Census, the number of households consisting of only one person has jumped 10% in the past 20 years to an all-time high of 28.4% in 2019.

Partly this is because people are marrying later in life (the average age of first marriage is nearing 30).

And partly, sociologists believe, it has to do with money. Wealthy countries generally have a higher proportion of people who can afford to live solo. At the same time, many people don’t want to get married and raise families until they feel financially secure. In 2017, 14% of Americans told Pew Research they had no interest in getting married.

Continue reading “Being Single Was Just a Part of Their Lives Before the Pandemic. Then It Became the Defining One by B. Luscombe”

People Are Happier Spending Time With Their Friends Than With Their Families, Study Finds

People Are Happier Spending Time With Their Friends Than With Their Families, Study Finds

If marriage-idolater and single-adult-shamer Bradford Wilcox, of “National Marriage Project” and “Institute of Family Studies” gets wind of this, I fully expect him to try to refute it by saying that married people are happier spending time with their spouses.

Wilcox, Al Mohler, and other marriage-obsessed anti-singleness bigots don’t care about truth – they care about pushing their pro-marriage agenda at all costs.

(Link): People Are Happier Spending Time With Their Friends Than With Their Families, Study Finds 

People are happier when they are with their friends than with their partner or children, a study has found

More than 400 volunteers were asked to rank how much they enjoyed a recent moment with their friends and family

Continue reading “People Are Happier Spending Time With Their Friends Than With Their Families, Study Finds”

Man Who Lost His Wife Puts Sign in Window Asking for Friends: ‘It’s My Last Resort’

Man Who Lost His Wife Puts Sign in Window Asking for Friends: ‘It’s My Last Resort’

Hello, Christians? Hello, churches?
Instead of obsessing over married-with-children couples and the little kids, teens, and college-aged students (typically in their early 20s), why don’t you stop and realize that the populations in some nations are aging and could use help and companionship?

Stop fixating on The Youth and Nuclear Families and start paying attention to folks outside of those groups – such as never-married singles who are over the age of 29, the divorced, and the widowed.

And let this be a lesson to hyper-marriage-promoters such as (but not limited to) Al Mohler and Bradford Wilcox, that getting married does NOT guarantee that a person will never suffer loneliness in life – if your spouse dies before you do, you will be alone.

If your spouse develops dementia or just loses interest in meeting your emotional needs, you will be alone – while married. 

Being married is not a guarantee that you won’t be lonely.

I wish this guy the best. I hope he’s able to make a friend or two.

(Link): Man Who Lost His Wife Puts Sign in Window Asking for Friends: ‘It’s My Last Resort’

Sept 15, 2020
by Hannah Sparks

Tony Williams isn’t asking for much.

The 75-year-old from Britain is tugging at the heartstrings of social media following his simple request: a friend.

Williams is still grieving the loss of his wife, Jo, who died in May. Since then, the retired physicist, who has neither children nor other family to visit, says he’s gone days without speaking to anyone.

“Jo was my best friend, and we had a lovely life. But now I’m all by myself. My wonderful wife has just died, and I have nobody,” he told SWNS.

In his desperation, Williams recently took out two ad blocks in his community newspaper — to no avail, according to SWNS, because he didn’t receive a single response.

Continue reading “Man Who Lost His Wife Puts Sign in Window Asking for Friends: ‘It’s My Last Resort’”

No Surprise There: Bradford Wilcox Deems Married People Better Off During Pandemic Than Single Adults – Rebuttals

No Surprise There: Bradford Wilcox Deems Married People Better Off During Pandemic Than Single Adults – Rebuttals

I have made several blog posts in years past discussing some of Bradford Wilcox’s articles about marriage for various publications.

Wilcox works for, is somehow affiliated with, organizations such as the National Marriage Project and Institute For Family Studies. He is very much about promoting marriage, natalism, and the nuclear family.

In years past, he has promoted marriage and all the rest at the expense of singleness: he loves to advance marriage by stigmatizing singleness.

Wilcox (and guys like him, such as Southern Baptist Al Mohler) likes to try to “scare” single adults into getting married by publishing faulty and fear-mongering essays about how studies (which he sometimes misquotes or misunderstands) supposedly say that singles are more likely to suffer this or that calamity or problem than are married people.

Any time Wilcox comments on any issue, you can guarantee before you click on the headline that his editorial will say that married people have X better than singles have X.

It doesn’t matter if he’s talking about financial issues – like in the link that follows – or some other topic.

His pieces are all heavily agenda-driven: to make marriage look fabulous by slamming singleness, or by making singleness look “worse” than marriage, or by making singleness look unsafe, scary, or miserable.

Continue reading “No Surprise There: Bradford Wilcox Deems Married People Better Off During Pandemic Than Single Adults – Rebuttals”

The “Dating Market” Is Getting Worse by A. Fetters and K. Tiffany

The “Dating Market” Is Getting Worse b A. Fetters and K. Tiffany

For anyone who cannot wait to get to it, here’s the link to the piece on The Atlantic:

(Link): The ‘Dating Market’ Is Getting Worse

Some of my comments about that piece before I put in some excerpts from it:

About the only “numbers approach” I have ever mentioned on my own blog here is that Christian women really do unnecessarily limit themselves if they try to live out the “Be Equally Yoked” philosophy in regards to dating and marriage, because the reality is, yes, the math is that there are not enough single, Christian men to go around for all the Christian single women who’d like to marry.

So, it makes sense to forgo the “equally yoked” rule, if one is a Christian, to date outside the Christian faith.

At the same time, though, I have seen other adults singles make much too much out of the “numbers game” philosophy on dating sites or comments sections on blogs about dating, where they make finding a romantic life partner sound so cold, or as though they’re shopping for a car.

There’s nothing wrong with having standards, but I am afraid there is a category of single adult who is too stringent or unrealistic with their lists of “must haves.”

I am personally turned off by anyone dispensing dating or “how to get married” advice who behave  as though there is a sure-fire guarantee way to land a spouse – because (Link): there is no such thing.

So, I’m really turned off by the many (sexist) attitudes and lists out there telling women if only the women do X, Y, and Z, they will absolutely get married to a great guy.

One problem is that most of these lists (which go viral on Twitter) are predicated on the notion that all men want and prefer 1950s, submissive, uber-feminine women.

Well, I lived that way for many decades – I was raised in a very traditional family that was into conservative values – so I had many of those prized traits sexist men online say will grant a woman a husband, but I remain never-married into my late 40s.

I was a very meek, docile, passive, sweet woman with traditional values, and no, it didn’t get me a husband.

(As I’ve aged, I’ve realized that it’s not a healthy or safe dating strategy for a woman to fit the picture of docile, overly feminine, passive, etc, that the “dating advice” gurus suggest on twitter and elsewhere, because many abusive, selfish, or controlling men intentionally seek out women with such qualities so that they can control, abuse, or take advantage of them.)

There are many conservatives – including women authors, unfortunately – who keep writing dating advice books for women, or who go on to FOX cable news morning shows, who keep encouraging women to engage in these dangerous dating strategies (of being a doormat, where being “feminine” is associated with doormat behaviors), which I’ve written about before (Link): here and (Link): here, among other blog posts.

The article below states at one point that men out-number women on dating sites. That may be so on some sites, but certainly not all.

Years ago, I had a paid membership on a dating site, and the site was forever claiming they could find no matches for me, most of the time.

For the four or five month paid subscription I had, I was only linked up to a total of about three men in that time.

My research on that particular online dating company found it’s the same with a lot of women, as it had been for me: that site tends to only “dribble out” a tiny number of matches for women, while they send male members more matches per month, every month.

Here are excerpts from…

(Link): The ‘Dating Market’ Is Getting Worse

The old but newly popular notion that one’s love life can be analyzed like an economy is flawed—and it’s ruining romance.

It’s understandable that someone like Liz [a 30 year old single who is using dating apps to find dates] might internalize the idea that dating is a game of probabilities or ratios, or a marketplace in which single people just have to keep shopping until they find “the one.”

The idea that a dating pool can be analyzed as a marketplace or an economy is both recently popular and very old:
For generations, people have been describing newly single people as (Link): 
“back on the market” and (Link): analyzing dating in terms of supply and demand.

Continue reading “The “Dating Market” Is Getting Worse by A. Fetters and K. Tiffany”

The Art of Being Single by E. Bernstein

The Art of Being Single by E. Bernstein

(Link): The Art of Being Single

Excerpts:

March 2019

After Katie Tomaszewski divorced at the age of 28, she felt ashamed to be alone.

So she did what she thought a single person should do: She over-dated, over-worked and over-socialized, inviting friends over for dinner nearly every night because she was afraid of being lonely.

“It was constant socializing and constant distraction,” says Ms. Tomaszewski, now a 36-year-old Pilates instructor in Chicago. “I became desperate and depressed, looking for someone—anyone—to save me from being alone.”

Yes, it can be tough to be single. But a new study published this past December in the Journals of Gerontology offers hope for those who are struggling.

Singles today are more satisfied with their lives than singles in the past, the study found.

Continue reading “The Art of Being Single by E. Bernstein”

Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse

Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial (2019) Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse

I am a never-married woman who is over the age of 45, and I am childless. I had wanted to be married but never found the right guy, so I remain single.

I was a very devout Christian for many years, until a few years ago.

I did a blog post about (Link): another editorial on Christianity Today’s site, where a married woman with small children wrote a long piece extolling the virtues of single, childless women:
but only in the context of how she found single, childless women useful to her because they could provide her with free babysitting services that she could not obtain from her biological family, who lived 1,000 miles away.

Here again, in April 2019, is another editorial in the same vein: a piece that extols the wonders and virtues of how single, childless women can or should meet the needs of married women, especially married ones who have children and need free babysitting services and emotional support.

Now, if you’re the sort of single, childless woman who sincerely enjoys babysitting married women’s children, that is fine by me. But I am not one of them.

I’m not opposed to single, childless women caring for, or taking an interest in, other people’s children, if they so desire.

I am opposed to this when this is one of the only options presented to Christian women, however.

Continue reading “Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse”

Galentine’s Day – Because Nobody Likes Valentine’s Day Anymore

Galentine’s Day – Because Nobody Likes Valentine’s Day Anymore

I started seeing mentions of “Galentine’s” day show up in my Twitter a few days ago.

It has something to do with women friends celebrating their friendship with each other, instead of celebrating Valentine’s Day – or this article below says it’s celebrated on February 13th, the day before Valentine’s.

(Link): What Is Galentine’s Day? Leslie Knope’s Favorite Holiday Is Something We Should All Celebrate

… Basically, it’s like Valentine’s Day, only instead of celebrating the love you have for your significant other, you spend it with your best girlfriends, who are, after all, your soul mates, and therefore deserve a holiday all to themselves, too.

Leslie chooses to observe the day of lady love with brunch (her other true love), but you can kick it back lady-style however you want. Since the episode aired in 2010, it’s become just as big a deal as its Valentine’s Day counterpart. Ovaries before brovaries, you know?

Continue reading “Galentine’s Day – Because Nobody Likes Valentine’s Day Anymore”