A Valentine for the Single Christian by K L Bishop

A Valentine for the Single Christian by K L Bishop

She says a lot of things in her post I’ve been saying on my blog for years. So if you appreciate some of the points I’ve been making on my blog, you should probably dig this.

(Link): A Valentine for the Single Christian by K L Bishop

Excerpts:

…. It seems that being single in the church is a difficult situation these days. Many churches have made marriage and family somewhat of an idol. There have probably been millions of sermons delivered on dating, courting, marriage, waiting for marriage, etc.

But it is not often that our pastors preach to the adult singles in the pews, or encourage people to embrace their singleness.

Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.

Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please

Regarding my previous post, (Link:) Online Dating Vs Meeting in Real Life

I want to keep this post brief, if I can.

This is a notice to everyone, but particularly married people: please stop advising your unmarried friends who want a boyfriend (or girlfriend) or a husband (or a wife) to “join a dating site!”

And especially don’t tack on what now seems to be the obligatory explanation:
“Because I have a friend, Bertha, and she tried online dating sites, and it’s how she met her husband Fred, after only two tries (or after only three seconds online)!”

Online dating is not a magical elixir.

Joining a dating site, like being sexy, smokin’ hot, and wealthy, is not a guarantee of meeting the right person (for more on that see my previous post, (Link:) “Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even [Beautiful and Wealthy] Celebrities Have A Hard Time”).

Please, please, please stop advising and suggesting to your lonely single friends that they sign up for Yahoo Personals, Match, Plenty of Fish, Christian Mingle, eHarmony, etc and so on.

Unmarried people are no more likely of having success at meeting a mate using a dating site than they are in “real life.”

There are just as many losers, wackos, weirdos, and liars on dating sites as there are in the bar around the corner.

And besides that, when your unmarried friend cries on your shoulder that she’d like to be married but can’t meet the right guy, nine times of of ten, she is NOT LOOKING FOR ADVICE OR SUGGESTIONS but merely sympathy and to have her struggles and emotions validated.

How do you give sympathy and validate your friend’s feelings?

By telling her, “I know how hard it must be to be lonely. I am so sorry you can’t seem to meet the right guy.”

– Period. End it there.

And that’s it. Resist the temptation to tell her, “Have you thought of joining eHarmony???”

And, if she is open to being helped by you, why don’t you get off your ass and actually offer PRACTICAL help to your friend, instead of just telling her what to do; as in,
“Hey, I know an unmarried guy named Ralph. I think you two would hit it off. Would you like me to introduce you? Maybe I can invite you both over for dinner with me and my spouse next Friday.”

Unmarried people get the “Join e Harmony dating site!” line from people all. the. time.

Many of us have already tried dating sites, and it has not worked for us.

So please, stop telling unmarried people to try online dating.

Telling unmarried people who want to be in a relationship to try online dating has become another cliche’ and platitude. Nobody wants platitudes when they’re hurting, angry, or discouraged.
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Related post on this blog (mentions that a woman met her wanna-be serial killer husband on a dating site, that she didn’t know when they were dating that he was a kook):

(Link): Fatherhood Not Quite the Producer of Manly, Mature, Godly Men Some Conservative Christians Make It Out To Be

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Related posts on this blog:

(Link):  Ask Amy: These Sex-Crazed Weirdos Turned Me Off Internet Dating

(Link): For Richer Or Poorer? Romance Scams Are Leaving More Online Daters Broke

(Link): Online Dating Fatigue is a Real Thing and It’s Happening to Everyone by Madison Vanderberg

(Link): To the Christians (especially married ones) Who Like to Instruct Single Christian Adults They Should Only Marry Other Christians, Listen Up (Re: Equally Yoked Rule)

(Link):  Florida Man Murdered By Woman (and her friends) Whom He Met On a Dating Site

(Link): Dating Apps Are Making Marriages Stronger by P. Drexler

(Link):  Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host (Pat Robertson) Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband

(Link): More 40-Something Single Women Falling Prey to Dishonest or Violent Men in Dating (says report)

(Link):  Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person by A. DeBotton

(Link): The itchy truth about Tinder [dating site / dating app]: 750,000 people on the dating app are infested with pubic lice, scientist warns

(Link): Beware of Rapists on Christian Dating Sites

(Link):  Necrophiliac Gets Prison For Killing Teacher on First Date Whom He Met Using Dating Site

(Link): Homosexual Satanist Kills Cop He Met Via Grindr Dating App, Eats Part of Body, Acid Burns the Remainder

(Link):   Risky Business: The Dangers of Online Dating and How to Protect Yourself

(Link): Men Posting Profiles on Dating Sites Could Use Some Tips (from Dear Abby column)

(Link): Police: Woman raped, stabbed by man she met on dating website / Separate news story: Man used dating sites to find rape victims

(Link): Various articles about online dating – Online dating leads to marriage / why men fail at online dating – other articles

(Link): Police urge caution when using dating websites / Murderers on Dating Sites

(Link): Woman Meets Man on Dating Site, He Steals Her Dog and TV on First Date

(Link): Is it a date? Or hanging out? [2014] Survey reflects confusion (article)

(Link): Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work

(Link): Internet dating firms entice lonely hearts with faked profiles based on real people (article)

(Link): Blogs by Single Women Who Discuss the Weirdos, Perverts and Losers Who Contact Them on Dating Sites

(Link): Creepizoids Weirdos and Perverts on Dating Sites

(Link): Weird Dating Sites, Toilet Dating, Dating Sites and Privacy

(Link): Online Dating: Women Want Younger Men (article)

(Link): Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work (article)

(Link): Facebook Uses Photo of Dead Girl (by suicide) in Dating Site Ad

(Link): Online Dating Vs Meeting in Real Life (copy)

Unmarried Christian Women Ain’t Got Time Fo’ Dat!

Unmarried Christian Women Ain’t Got Time Fo’ Dat!

I think you can click this picture to enlarge it if it makes it easier to read (I know you got time fo dat):

Unmarried Christian women ain’t got the time to follow all your dating advice!

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Marriage Mandaters – Mocking Faith

(Please click the “more” link to read the entire post)

At the blog The Gift of Singleness (located at thegiftofsingleness.blogspot.com), in an entry entitled “The Importance of Waiting on the Lord” (dated January 17, 2007), the blog’s author, someone calling herself (or himself?) “Captain Sensible,” compares having faith in God to provide one with a spouse to having faith in God to reveal to a student which college the student should chose.

The comparison at that blog is made to ridicule the notion of any Christian having faith in God for a spouse.

The idea that a Christian would rely on God for college membership choice, or God’s direction or leading in the matter, is viewed by “Captain Sensible” as being silly and unrealistic, so the analogy is that relying on God in the area of marriage is also ridiculous.

Look, I fully appreciate the frustration of Christians who are single well past the age of 35 who dearly want to get married and have no current prospects (I am in that group myself), but I was very disturbed by the cynical attitude of that blog.

After having skimmed over some of “Captain Sensible’s” other content, I find myself agreeing with some of it and enjoyed some of the humor (such as the January 13, 2007 post entitled “Beware! The 14th February approaches!”).

But as I was saying, I do find certain aspects of the marriage mandate crowd’s attitudes (including some of those expressed by Captain Sensible) upsetting.

To mock and ridicule a Christian for having faith in God for provision, whether we are talking about food, water, shelter, a job, a spouse, a baby, a healing, or what have you, seems very antithetical to Christianity.

Especially when one considers all the passages in the Bible where

(a) Believers are chastised for NOT having faith in God and

(b) Believers are strongly commended for having faith (see, for example, Hebrews chapter 11 in the New Testament)

Is Getting A Spouse Like Looking for a Job?

Please click the “more” link farther below to read the entire post.

The “Getting a Spouse is like trying to get employed” argument

Many critics of the faith-based approach to obtaining a spouse, the ones who feel a Christian should be continually pounding the pavement actively looking for a mate, frequently drag up the “employment” argument.

I’ve seen this argument used many a time, by regular Christians opining away at blogs and forums, to professional writers who churn out relationship advice for the Christian lovelorn. And am I ever sick and tired of seeing it.

It goes something like this (though I’m sure you’ve seen it used a million times before on various Christian sites, as I have):

“But if you’re trying to get a job, God expects you to mail out resumés and go on job interviews, otherwise you can’t realistically expect to get a job. It’s not just going to land in your lap without any effort on your part!”

Sorry, but no, not quite. Maybe Non-Christians have to approach finding a mate in that manner, but not the Christian.