Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks

Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks

I have several topics I’d like to address here. I’m going to discuss death, grief, dating, how men are too fixated on women’s looks, etc, and so on, all in the same post.

I learned from watching the Christian program “It is Written” today (Feb 2017) that the wife of Christian TV host Mike Tucker, Gayle, died. I’m not sure when the episode was first filmed or first aired.

You can read a transcript of that episode, “From Grief To Hope” (Link, off site): here.

You might be able to watch that very episode or one like it here: (Link, off site): Coping with Grief.

I see from an online obit that Gayle Tucker passed away in April 2016.

I am sorry for his loss.

I lost my mother, and it hurt a lot.

(Link, off site):  Gayle Tucker, Beloved Marriage Counselor on Faith For Today TV, Dead at 60

April 2016 –  The prominent Adventist television personality dies after a brief struggle with pancreatic cancer.

(Link, off site):   Beloved Christian TV Host, Couples’ Counselor Dead at 60

I learned a few years ago that the hosts and backers of “It Is Written” are SDAs (Seventh Day Adventists).

I also learned from a glance over google search results that Mike Tucker is a Seventh Day Adventist.

Part of SDA theology is something called “Soul Sleep,” a view that I totally disagree with and find discouraging and cruel.

Continue reading “Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks”

How Do We Solve a Problem Like the Singles? by R. Kilgore

How Do We Solve a Problem Like the Singles?  by Rachel Kilgore

Before I get to the link to the essay by Kilgore, which is hosted at MOS (Mortificiation of Spin / specifically, Aimee Byrd’s blog, ‘Housewife Theologian’):

For years and years on this blog, here on “Christian Pundit” blog, I have been explaining over and over again that most evangelical, Baptist, Reformed, and Fundamentalist Christian denominations, churches, and groups IGNORE adults singles – the older a single you are, the worse it is – the more ignored you are.

I have also commented on other people’s blogs under the Christian Pundit blog name, and under other names, alerting Christians to how horribly American Christians treat adult singles. I have Tweeted about it.

When Christians aren’t ignoring us older singles, and they do manage to notice our existence, many Christians shame us for being single. They insult us. They try to make us feel like we are losers (seriously, see (Link): this post, (Link): this post, (Link): this post), (Link): this post – I could cite many more examples from my blog of anti-Singles bias by Christians, but that should suffice.)

I used to be what is called a gender complementarian.  I am not interested in spending a lot of time explaining what that means.

I am no longer a gender complementarian.

I am linking you here to a post about adult singleness at a blog (the one by A. Byrd) owned by what I would term “soft gender complementarians.”

Continue reading “How Do We Solve a Problem Like the Singles? by R. Kilgore”

Dad Buys Full-Page $900 Newspaper Ad Seeking a Wife for His 48 Year Old, Never Married Son

Dad Buys Full-Page $900 Newspaper Ad Seeking a Wife for His 48 Year Old, Never Married Son

I hope this father realizes that men over 40 who father kids are more likely to father a kid with various diseases, see link 1, link 2, link 3.

(Link): Dad places newspaper ad to find wife for son

(Link):  Dad seeks ‘wife’ for 48-year-old son with full-page newspaper ad

(Link):  Wife wanted: Dad places spouse-needed ad in Idaho newspaper

  • The ad gives a brief description of Brooks, including a photo with the disclaimer, “I look just like my picture, except I now have grey hair.” The “About You” section states applicants “Will be attractive being height and weight proportional.” It also goes on to say that applicants should be prepared to have children with Brooks and also be a stay-at- home mom.

(Link):  MEDDLING BEVERLY HILLS DAD PUTS OUT FULL-PAGE AD TO FIND 48-YEAR-OLD SON A WIFE

  • He said his father has been ill and wants a grandson to carry on the family name.Brooks compared his father to Larry David’s character in the TV series “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” saying he “thinks he does the right thing, and then it all blows up in his face.”

    He said he’d never buy an ad like this himself, but “it’s worth a shot. Can’t hurt.”

(Link):  Full-page newspaper ad seeking wife

(Link): Dad Buys Full-Page $900 Newspaper Ad Seeking a Wife for His 48 Year Old, Never Married Son

  • One father in Beverly Hills is trying to find his son a wife the old-fashioned way.
  • Arthur Brooks, 78, spent $900 on a full-page ad in Idaho’s Coeur d’Alene Press newspaper using the headline “Looking For a Wife.”

Continue reading “Dad Buys Full-Page $900 Newspaper Ad Seeking a Wife for His 48 Year Old, Never Married Son”

Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

Holy guacamole did I ever find a post by a Christian guy who really knows how to slam never-married or “single again” adults.

I was astounded by parts of this guy’s post.

I almost re-tweeted a link to his blog post about divorce from my Twitter page (I saw someone else share it on Twitter), thinking someone may find it helpful (judging from the title alone, it sounded like it might be a good page) but thankfully, I skimmed it first.

I left a reply under the guy’s post, and his blog says my post is awaiting moderation. Who knows if he will approve it to appear or not.

(August 2016 update: my comment on his blog, that I made in April 2016, is STILL tagged with the “awaiting moderation” comment on his blog. Unreal.)

I have copied in my reply farther below. I tried to be civil in my reply.

I’m going to try to be charitable here on my own blog: maybe this guy does not realize how deeply insulting his blog post is – the parts where he talks about divorced people or the never-married.

This guy should realize that upholding marriage or discouraging divorce does not necessitate INSULTING SINGLE PEOPLE.

You do not have to scare married people out of divorce by suggesting that all “single again” or never-married adults out there are great big, scary losers who have a lot of baggage, so if married people divorce, they won’t be able to find a great partner.

Continue reading “Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage”

Women Are Still Being Told To Lower Their Standards / Stupid Sh*t People Say to Singles by S. H. Weiss

Women Are Still Being Told To Lower Their Standards / Stupid Sh*t People Say to Singles by S. H. Weiss

One thing the author of this page brings up is something I have as well: women are just as visually oriented as men are and do care about what men look like. However, women are conditioned by secular society and religious groups to think they should not care about a man’s physical attractiveness.

Women are conditioned to look past a man’s ugliness to consider his other traits – is he smart, financially stable, and so on.

Now, I do think some people are in fact way too judgmental or picky regarding physical appearance in dating or whom to marry.

But, on the other hand, there is absolutely nothing wrong in wanting to date or marry someone you consider attractive. I don’t think people of either gender should be super picky about looks, but it’s okay to have some preferences or standards.

The woman who wrote this says she caught some guy she knew lying in his dating site profile – he was 35 years old but claimed on his dating profile he is 25 or 30 years old. She asked him why he lied about his age.

He claims it’s because he wants to start a family and a woman in her 20s is guaranteed to be fertile.

First of all, women in their 40s (and 30s) still menstruate and get pregnant, so you don’t need to marry a 20 something to have babies. Some women in their 20s are childfree or infertile.

Secondly, as I noted before, I advised single women who read this blog to lie on their dating site profiles about their ages, to make themselves younger than they are.

As so many men are this very shallow and particular about age in a woman (many of them have a cut off age of 29, while for others, it’s about 35), go ahead and cite yourself as being 20 or 30 something on your profile if you are over 40 and want dates.

The worst thing that will happen once the guy gets to know you after he meets you via a dating site is that he will decide to stop dating you. Big whoop.

I have seen or read about a lot of men ages 45 and older who lie about their ages on dating sites. I’ve had guys who are obviously 65 or older (they have all white hair) who contact me on dating sites, who claim to be 41 or 42 years old. Men lie out the ass about their ages (and their height, according to other women) all the time on these sites.

(Link):  Liberated Shmiberated!: Women are Still Being Told to Lower Their Standards (& it’s messed up!) by S. H. Weiss

Excerpts:

  • February 2016
  • …It is Traister’s message that I would like to share with the women I have spoken with lately, women who feel they need to defend themselves to others about why they are not married, why they are not “just settling down already” and why they are “being too picky.”
  • The women I speak of range from early 30s to early 40s. Some of them have never been married, while others were married briefly. A third of them are divorced and have children. The one thing these friends have in common is that they all say that are not “single by choice.” They express the desire to find their perfect life partner.
  • ..However, there are Yentas everywhere, some well-intentioned and others questionably motivated. This is especially true for those who are part of a tight-knit or religious community (ranging from the Mormons to the Modern Orthodox Jewish).

Continue reading “Women Are Still Being Told To Lower Their Standards / Stupid Sh*t People Say to Singles by S. H. Weiss”

Woman Marries First Time at Age 50 – A 700 Club Episode

Woman Marries First Time at Age 50 – A 700 Club Episode

This woman’s story was on today’s broadcast of Christian TV show “The 700 Club”

She did not marry for the first time until she was 50 years old to a guy the same age or a bit older than her. I think the show said he was divorced before.

You can listen to her story here:

Her story starts around the 11:15 mark of the video

——————–

Related Posts:

(Link): Stop Telling Women Their Most Valuable Asset Is Their Youth (From Time) 

(Link):   True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues

(Link): The Grief, Happiness, and Hope of Late-in-Life Singleness by H. Ferguson

(Link):  Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians Re: Marriage

(Link): Woman’s First Marriage at Age 40+

Continue reading “Woman Marries First Time at Age 50 – A 700 Club Episode”

Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity by K. Beckert

Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity by K. Becker

(Link): Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity

Excerpts:

  • … As a pastor who happens to be single right now, I think I can speak for the 45% of the U.S. population who is single right now and say it’s not an easy place to be.
  • … And some of us listen to the culture around us for advice on what to do with that desire. This culture echoes a duplicity of voices, of ways to “handle” singleness, and it shines at us on small screens and big screens.
  • … Marriage is marketed to us as a blissful, everlasting date – not as the covenant it’s supposed to be, but as an item on a shelf to be paid and bartered for. We fall in love with a wedding.

Continue reading “Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity by K. Beckert”

How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)

How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)

I am not surprised to see some of these 40 something men, who have never married, pine for a 20 something women – some claiming it’s so they can “start families.”

Hey, sexist, ageist entitled never-married male buffoons: women in their 30s and 40s menstruate and can have babies too, if that’s your thing. See the links below on this page under “Related Posts” for more on that.

But I’d also have to point out that many 20 something women have no desire to marry men over five to ten years their senior. Most women are grossed out by dudes who are ten or more years their senior “hitting on them.”

I’m in my 40s and have no desire to marry or date a 60 something or 70 something dude, yet sometimes, these jokers contact me on dating sites, in spite of the fact my age cap cuts off after about 6 or 7 years my age.

(Link): How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)

Excerpts:

  • It’s not a trick question: There’s a piece in the New York Times about aging single men in their 30s and 40s who are finally ready to settle down, but bummed that it takes actual effort and stuff.
  • What shall we do here? A round of sympathy drinks? Or a heartless, sarcastic boo-hoo?
  • First, let’s get to know the men (Link): in the piece:
  • Scott Slattery, 35-year-old communications and marketing consultant

    Slattery wants to be a dad but realizes old age is encroaching. “I still want to take care of [my kids] through their entire lives, so I don’t want to be old.”

  • There are more: Paul Gollash, the 40-year-old who realized in his late thirties that he was “fed up with being single” and so he suddenly had to hit up all the sorts of places he’d never have gone before to do the dreaded mingling, like cocktail parties and work events.

  • Or Alan Yang, the co-creator of the Aziz Ansari Netflix show Master of None who admitted that it wasn’t until his sister had a baby that it struck him that he might want a family of his own.

  • Or there’s 44-year-old Paul Morris, who doesn’t want kids, but doesn’t want to be single forever, either. He was out at a bar at 9 p.m. on a Sunday night—trying to be “out there,” and wondering if this was what 44 really looks like.

  • ….So, truth be told, it’s easy to mock these guys—careerists out working hard, having fun, seemingly oblivious to the notion that time ticks along for everyone.
  • It’s, yes, amusing to see men grappling mid-life with an insight that was tucked into an invisible pamphlet issued at birth to every woman I know. It read: Better lock something down before it’s too late and your looks are all dried up. Women have spent decades fighting this cultural notion of a female expiration date, only to find out that men have one too?

Continue reading “How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)”

Single and 40: Dealing with Disappointment by L. Bishop

Single and 40: Dealing with Disappointment by L. Bishop

(Link): Single and 40: Dealing with Disappointment by L. Bishop

Excerpts:

  • I am 43, single, never married, and have no kids. That’s me. While those statistics do not define me, sometimes I let them do just that.

Continue reading “Single and 40: Dealing with Disappointment by L. Bishop”

Should a Christian Try Online Dating and Other Insights Into the Single Life by J. Justice

Should a Christian Try Online Dating and Other Insights Into the Single Life

Well, goodness knows that the ‘pray, wait, have faith, and attend a local church’ advice to get a spouse has not worked for myself or boatloads of Christian single women.

The article also addresses how singles should not put their lives on hold until they marry, and other things.

(Link):  Should a Christian Try Online Dating and Other Insights Into the Single Life

Excerpts:

  • by J. Justice
  • Thirty-six year-old  (Link): Mandy Hale says she’s determined to live her best life now, even without the man the church always seems to think she needs.
  • Throw her age in with the fact that she works from home and in the church there are “like 98 percent amazing, single women and 2 percent single guys,” Hale is taking a stand for singles.
  • “I feel like singles—we fall through the cracks,” Hale says. “Once you get past a certain point, you have (ministries to) college age, singles, you know, young careers. But I’m 36 now, I don’t feel 36, it’s kind of like at certain age, stick out like a sore thumb.”

Continue reading “Should a Christian Try Online Dating and Other Insights Into the Single Life by J. Justice”

Why Singles Belong in Church Leadership by L. Ferguson

Why Singles Belong in Church Leadership

(Link): Why Singles Belong in Church Leadership

Excerpts

    Unmarried ministers offer a unique understanding of devotion to Christ alone.

    by Lore Ferguson, guest writer

    Each time I read a well-intentioned article on how to make the most of your single years, I scan down to the author’s bio and often discover that, sure enough, he’s married to his college sweetheart, pulling advice from a brief period of singleness years ago.

    Even at 33, I’m a spring chicken to some of the seasoned single men and women before me.

    These Christians have spent their lives burning with passion, unmet desires, or unrequited love, or have committed to a life of celibacy.

    These are the clouds of witnesses I look to for wisdom in issues of singleness—not the well-meaning, but hollow three-points and a poem professor with his winsome wife and four little ones. What do I know of his life?

    The hardships of parenting, husbanding, pastoring, teaching, ministering? But what does he know of mine?

    If the life of a single Christian, as Paul admonished, is to be undistracted by the world, concerned with the things of the Lord, then unmarried ministers have a unique calling indeed. And it is one the church ought not ignore — or usurp.

    Where I live, in the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex, young marriages are common. Younger than the national average at least. Yet few single men and women are involved in ministry.

    Continue reading “Why Singles Belong in Church Leadership by L. Ferguson”

Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams

Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams

Don’t Let Someone Who Gave Up On Their Dreams Talk You Out Of Yours

In a couple of posts in the past (such as (Link): this one), I discussed the disheartening trend I see in Christian books, articles, interviews, or blogs by (1.) other never-married adult Christians who are over age of 35 or 40 (or, (2.) on occasion by married Christians who condescendingly lecture adult singles on these issues).

These (I am speaking of group 1 above) are adults who had hoped to marry, but they remain single into their late 30s or beyond.

(There is also another group, Christians who are over 40 years of age, who are thrilled and totally at peace at having never married and never really cared either way if they ever married or not. They are guilty of what I write about in this post, too.

Hell, I sometimes see single Christians below the age of 35 who are guilty of this, but their views stem more from being naive about life.)

The never-married Christians, who are past the age of 35 or 40, who have given up on ever getting married themselves then turn around in their interviews, articles, and books and shame other post-age-35 singles from pursuing marriage.

I kid you not. They will guilt trip you if you still hope to marry some day, and you are past 35 years old.

They have given up hope of ever getting married themselves, so they go about trying to convince other singles to give up, too. They will try to shame you out of pursuing your dream. They will tell you that at 40, you are too old to be on dating sites and still expecting marriage.

They believe you should only think of “eternity,” or, they will argue, you should be consumed in this life only with thoughts about Jesus or with how to serve Jesus in the here and now.

They will shame you by telling you that it’s selfish, immature, un-christian, or self-centered (or a combination of all those things) to go after an earthly pursuit such as marriage, even though Jesus did not preach a “pie in the sky” theology, but said he came so that you may have life more abundantly – that means NOW, not after you’re dead.

Many Christians believe in a theology of CODEPENDENCY and ASCETICISM, both of which are condemned in the Bible (see for example Colossians 2:16-22). It is okay to seek after your own personal happiness in the here and now. People who tell you otherwise are peddling false doctrine.

Don't Give Up On Your Dreams
Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams

If you are over 35, have never been married, and would still like to be, don’t let anyone else dissuade you from pursuing marriage, especially the ones who once held the dream but have given up.
———————-
Related posts:

(Link): Radical Christianity – New Trend That Guilt Trips American Christians For Living Average Lives

(Link): Christian Singles Never Marrieds – it’s okay to get your needs met

(Link): Christian Double Standard – Pray Earnestly For Anything & Everything – Except Marriage?

(Link): Singleness is Not A Gift

(Link): Desire for Marriage is Idolatry?

(Link): Gift of Singleness Gift of Celibacy Unbiblical – Those Terms and Teachings Contribute to Fornication / Editorial About Sex Surrogates

This applies to marriage, too:
(Link): Hypocrisy in Christian Culture – Those who idolize parenting chide infertiles for trying to have kids
———————————-

Why older couples are skipping marriage

Why older couples are skipping marriage

(Link): Why older couples are skipping marriage

    By Sharon Epperson
    13 hours ago

    Many baby boomers already know a thing or two about marriage and are choosing not to tie the knot on their relationships-often because of money.

    U.S. Census Bureau data shows adults older than 50 are among the fastest growing segment of unmarried couples in the U.S.

    Financial advisors say concerns about debt, benefits, taxes and cash flow are often the primary reasons they decide not to walk down the aisle.

    Read More Retiring abroad? Check out these IRA strategies

    “The biggest considerations couples have in deciding whether or not to remarry usually center around their children and assets,” says Molly McCormack, a director of individual advisory services at TIAA-CREF.

    If you’re divorced and chose to remarry, you could lose alimony, pension and Social Security benefits from your former spouse. If you’re widowed, you could also lose survivor’s pension benefits, McCormack says.

    Some couples may also want to make sure inheritances go to their own children and don’t get muddled.

    Read More Nest egg advice: Location, location, location

    A partner may also be helping out adult children financially-by paying off student loans or cosigning on a mortgage-and the new partner doesn’t want to take on that financial burden. In addition to mortgage, student loan and credit card debt, long-term care and medical debt are frequent concerns.

    Under the law in “community property” states-Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin-most debts incurred by one spouse during the marriage are owed by both spouses.

    Many higher income couples also don’t want to face a bigger tax hit. Getting married could throw them into the highest tax bracket which would result in a much higher tax burden.

———————
Related:

(Link): Remarriage rates plunge as divorced Americans have doubts – and about Christian culture and divorce and remarriage vs singleness

Are Older Men’s Sperm Really Any Worse? (study) Also: article author assumes men single and/or childless until their late 30s and older are probably autistic, retarded, or drooling simpletons

Are Older Men’s Sperm Really Any Worse? (study) Also: article author assumes men single and/or childless until their late 30s and older are probably autistic, retarded, or drooling simpletons

TL;DR summary of article farther below = Yes, older dude’s sperm (older in this article is divided up in this article as being roughly, dudes ages 30 – 40, 40 – 50, and 50 and older) is not as good. You’re more likely to pop out kid with mental or psychological issues than a dude who fathers a kid while in his 20s.

The author of this seems to assume that the kind of dude who “finally” gets married and cranks out kids “later in life” is probably single for so long because he’s autistic, a drooling basket case, or goodness knows what.

Excerpt from article that implies that older single / first time married men are mentally retarded or socially inept losers:

    The type of men who have children later in life may be different from those who do not, and those differences may be at least partially responsible for the increased autism rates.

How condescending and rude.

If older single / childless men are not suspected of being Totally Ghey, they are assumed of being pedophiles, or now, mentally handicapped.

Okay, so if you are a single man past age 30, 35, 40, 45, you are obviously (sarc tags here) autistic, mentally retarded, or inept.

How do you older single and childless guys so much as tie your own shoes in the morning, or brush your teeth, let alone actually and finally get a woman to procreate with “later in life”?

How do you put a T-shirt on? Can you do it alone, or do you need help with that?

If you do put a T-shirt on alone, do you have to have instructions for that, like a big arrow printed on the shirt, pointing at the hole in the middle that says, ‘head goes here?’

How do you make it through life, since you are so obviously incapable and incompetent of so much as attracting a wife, unlike normal men, who marry in their 20s, you big freako loser???

(Link): Are Older Men’s Sperm Really Any Worse?

Jennifer Garner: ‘I wish I’d waited until I was 30 for marriage’

Jennifer Garner: ‘I wish I’d waited until I was 30 for marriage’

And I was just saying about a week ago that women (especially from religious families) should wait until age 40 to marry, not in the early 20s as so many Christians are pushing for the last couple of years.

(Link): Jennifer Garner Wishes She’d Waited For Marriage

(Link): Wait till you’re 30 to get married

(Link): Jennifer Garner regrets getting married in her 20s, believes women become more beautiful with age

    BY JOYCE CHEN / NEW YORK DAILY NEWS
    TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2012, 7:00 AM

    Jennifer Garner did a lot of growing up between the ages of 13 and 30, and one big lesson she learned during that period was how to properly pace the major milestones of her life.

    The soon-to-be mother of three opened up to Britain’s The Sun about being raised by strong, confident women and how that has impacted her in the Hollywood realm — namely, when it comes to love.

    “I did marry in my 20s [to Scott Foley, who she divorced eight years ago] and I found divorce a crushing experience,” she told the newspaper. “I thought the divorce statistics would never apply to me. I was beyond heartbroken when they did.”

    Following her divorce from “Felicity” co-star Foley, Garner, now 39, started dating Ben Affleck and the two wed in 2005.

(Link): Jennifer Garner wishes she hadn’t gotten married in her 20s

    Jennifer Garner says that she wishes she had waited until 30 to get married, and implies that she would like to wipe her marriage to Scott Foley off the record.

    Jennifer Garner has revealed that she wishes she had waited until after her 30th birthday to tie the knot for her first marriage.
    “Everyone reaches maturity at different times. I wish I’d known to wait for marriage until I was 30 or over,” Garner tells The Sun, referring to her marriage to actor Scott Foley, whom she had met on the set of “Felicity.” While the dimpled pair married in 2000, they filed for divorce just two and a half years later.

    “I did marry in my twenties and I found divorce a crushing experience,” Garner continues. “I thought the divorce statistics would never apply to me. I was beyond heartbroken when they did.”

    After Foley and Garner finalized their divorce, she began seeing her “Alias” co-star Michael Vartan. When that romance ended in 2004, she started dating current husband Ben Affleck, who she had co-starred with in the film “Daredevil” while she was still married.

    “I got up and got on with it. I also kept my belief in marriage,” Garner said. “I did not have a fairytale vision of the future but I still believed I would find someone to commit to and raise kids with.”
    Garner and Affleck married in 2005 in a private ceremony in the Caribbean. And of course Garner sings her husband’s praises to the newspaper.

(Link): ‘I wish I’d waited until I was 30 for marriage’: Heavily pregnant Jennifer Garner speaks out about being a young bride

    By SARAH FITZMAURICE
    8 February 2012

    She is heavily pregnant with her third child to Ben Affleck but ahead of her 40th birthday Jennifer Garner has been reflecting on past experiences.

    The actress, 39, who married actor Scott Foley when she was in her twenties has revealed that she regrets marrying so young.

    Speaking to the Sun Jennifer said: ‘I wish I’d known to wait for marriage until I was 30 or over.

    I did marry in my twenties and I found divorce a crushing experience.’
    The marriage lasted just four years and the couple divorced in 2004.
    Opening up about the experience Jennifer admitted it left her ‘beyond heartbroken,’ but added: ‘But I got up and got on with it. I also kept my belief in marriage.’

    Shortly after her divorce from Foley, Jennifer began dating Ben Affleck and the couple married in June 2005.

    The acting duo have two daughters together, Violet, six, and Seraphina, three, and they are currently expecting their third child who is due any day now.

(Link): Jennifer Garner Talks Failed Marriage, ‘I Wish I’d Known To Wait Until I Was Thirty’

    The 39-year-old actress met her first husband, Felicity co-star Scott Foley, when she was just 22, and now she says she regrets tying the knot so early in life.

    “I wish I’d known to wait for marriage until I was 30 or over,” Garner told Britain’s Sun newspaper in an interview. “I did marry in my twenties and I found divorce a crushing experience.”

    Garner married Foley in 2000 and they divorced in 2004 and she soon began dating Ben Affleck, whom she married in 2005 and has two daughters with, Violet, 6, and Seraphina, 3.

    She said that the demise of her four-year marriage was devastating. “I thought the divorce statistics would never apply to me. I was beyond heartbroken when they did.”

(Link): Jennifer Garner – Jennifer Garner’s first marriage ‘didn’t have a shot’

(Link): Jennifer Garner wishes she’d waited to get married

    Actress Jennifer Garner believes she wasn’t mature enough to enter into her first marriage with Scott Foley at 28 and wishes she had waited to tie the knot.

    The 39-year-old, who is currently married to actor Ben Affleck, first tied the knot with Foley in October 2000 and their union ended just three years later, reported Contactmusic.

    “Everyone reaches maturity at a different times. I wish I’d known to wait for marriage until I was 30 or over. I did marry in my twenties and I found divorce a crushing experience.

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Related posts, this blog:

(Link): Why It May Be Wiser For Women to Enter First Marriage At Age 40+ – especially ones from religious or conservative families

(Link): The Stupid Advice We Give To Single Women Over 40 (from the Current Conscience Blog)

(Link): A Case Against Early Marriage by Ashley Moore (editorial)

(Link): Christian Early Marriage Position Advocates A Low View of Celibacy and Virginity and Adult Singleness – another example: Justin Deeter Blog about Early Marriage

(Link): Myths About Never Married Adults Over Age 40

(Link): A Critique of – 10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry by J. Lee Grady / And on Christians Marrying Non Christians -and- Unrealistic, Too Rigid Spouse Selection Lists by Christians

(Link): Woman’s First Marriage at Age 40+

(Link): Never-Married Men Over 40: Date-able or Debate-able?

(Link): Singleness and Scripture – responding to Christian myths about singleness

(Link): First Time Marriage for Man and Woman Both Over Age 40

Preacher Mark Driscoll Basically Says No, Single Christian Males Cannot or Should Not Serve as Preachers / in Leadership Positions – Attempts to Justify Unbiblical, Anti Singleness Christian Bias

Preacher Mark Driscoll Basically Says No, Single Christian Males Cannot or Should Not Serve as Preachers / in Leadership Positions – Attempts to Justify Unbiblical, Anti Singleness Christian Bias

Well then. This post by Driscoll (see link much farther below) will certainly come as a surprise to the guy, Steve Dewitt, I blogged about who worked as an unmarried preacher until he got married for the first time around age 44.
(Link): Male Preacher Marries For First Time At Age 44

(By the way, the Bible nowhere sets a mandatory or even recommended age for marriage; the “wife of your youth” bit that some marriage idolaters enjoy quoting is not prescriptive; it is not commanding that all people have to or should marry young. See also: (Link): Article by J. Watts: The Scandal of Singleness )

The real reason it is, as Driscoll states in his blog post response to a reader question, so “improbable” for a single man to obtain work as a preacher, is not because of any of the reasons Driscoll outlines in his blog page, but because of the prejudice and suspicions Christians harbor against unmarried Christian adults.
(For example, (Link): More Anti Singleness Bias From Al Mohler – Despite the Bible Says It Is Better Not To Marry)

Many churches are biased against hiring singles because:

    1. they hold the nasty, unfair stereotype all single adult males are sexual predators, or would-be predators;
    2. if they hire a married man, the wife is viewed as a freebie, a “bonus,” she will work in the church pro bono, say, as the church piano player

I tire of how Christians allow their personal views or cultural views color how they interpret Scripture to disqualify folks, which is precisely what Driscoll does in his reply to the question:

    Pastor Mark,

    Do you think that God still calls men with the “gift of singleness” into pastoral ministry? If not, what role do you think single males can play in serving the church?

    –Carter

Source:
(Link): Single Pastors?

Basically, Driscoll falls back on the old saw and some misunderstandings – which are used to discriminate against Christian singles – that only a few are given the “gift of singleness”

, and to note that Jesus and Paul were single, but for some reason, they are grand exceptions.

(And see: (Link): Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?)

Yes, even though the founders of your religion were childless and unmarried, it’s not okay for others who follow their teachings to be single, childless, and in leadership positions. What a peculiar and unbiblical double standard.

That the Bible states in the New Testament that an overseer may be married with children, and that such a family should be orderly and under control (see (Link): 1 Timothy 3), does not need to be interpreted in such as way to mean, or does not necessarily mean, that ONLY married men with children may apply…

And what of married men with infertile wives, or married men who have only ONE child?

Being ‘overly’ literal or narrow with the “must be married with kids” verse unnecessarily disqualifies many people, so I think a fresh interpretation of, or study of, such passages is needed, since it is being used to discriminate against whole swaths of people.

I also note that Driscoll himself, despite being married, apparently fails several criteria of 1 Timothy 3, in that he is most certainly not “gentle,” is not “above reproach,” and has been, in the past, “quarrelsome.” Driscoll is, from my view, most likely guilty of being “a lover of money.”

To cite but a few examples (but I would encourage you to google the guy’s name and do more research):

    Driscoll’s odd obsession with sex and use of sexually explicit references in sermons (see Link);
    deeming heretics such as Trinity- denier T D Jakes as being a fellow Christian (and was this for the love of money, one wonders?) (see Link);
    bullying people out of his church and chuckling with glee at the thought of “throwing them under the bus,” (Link): Mark Driscoll – There is a pile of dead bodies behind the Mars Hill bus
    his grossly explicit sexualization of ‘Song of Songs’ (see Link);
    and teaching that Esther from the book of the same name was a whore (see Link)

Continue reading “Preacher Mark Driscoll Basically Says No, Single Christian Males Cannot or Should Not Serve as Preachers / in Leadership Positions – Attempts to Justify Unbiblical, Anti Singleness Christian Bias”

Never-Married Men Over 40: Date-able or Debate-able?

Never-Married Men Over 40: Date-able or Debate-able?

(Link): Never-Married Men Over 40: Date-able or Debate-able?

    “I’m getting married in fall 2013,” my 38-year-old friend John told me, when we caught up in Paris the summer before. Congrats! Who’s the lucky woman? I asked.

“Oh, I haven’t met her yet,” he’d responded, deadpan, over dinner. “But I’ll be married by 40,” said the guy who’s deliberately been a player for the past two decades. “Because if you’re a single guy after that, it’s like, you know, ’What’s wrong with him?’”

He’s always been very self-aware, John. Very conscious of his life choices, of his — some might say — semi-misogynistic way with women. But I’ve always found my old friend’s honesty refreshing, and rather insightful.

Anyone with salt-and-pepper hair who shows up in your online matches as ’Never Married’ might as well come with a flashing Warning Sign.

In many ways, he’s right: Never-married heterosexual men over the age of 40 have always had a stigma. Especially back in 1970, when they represented only 4.9 percent of the male population. But I wondered: As marriage inches toward the take-it-or-leave-it category — for both sexes — and there are more never-married men between the ages of 40 and 44 than ever before (20.4 percent at last census count), is being a perpetual (hetero) bachelor still considered a little … creepy?

Apparently, yes. Unless, of course, the perpetual bachelor is George Clooney — and let’s be honest, most aren’t. Still, even Clooney was once briefly married. Anyone with salt-and-pepper hair who shows up in your online matches as “Never Married” might as well come with a flashing Warning Sign, say women with marital aspirations who date them anyway. They are Workaholics. Playboys. Commitment Phobes. Gay. Definitely gay.

Oh, we can collectively cry, Double standard!! over the sad fact that never-married women of a certain age aren’t players; they’re pitied. See Bridget Jones 1 and 2; in 3, she’s a 51-year-old widow, cougar and mother of two.

But in a way, steadfastly heterosexual single men over 40 are sort of pitied too. Or, rather, they are dissected, thoroughly examined — not by a class of seventh-graders using microscopes but by a table of 30-something women, well into their third bottle of wine.

Continue reading “Never-Married Men Over 40: Date-able or Debate-able?”

My Secret Grief. Over 35, Single and Childless by Melanie Notkin

My Secret Grief. Over 35, Single and Childless by Melanie Notkin

This author goes on quite a bit about motherhood, but this editorial could equally apply to women who desire marriage but are still single past the age of 35.

Like her, I get very offended by the negative assumptions people make over adult singlehood. The assumptions by people, but especially Christians, that if you are still single (and / or childless) once you’re in your 40s, it must be because you are too flawed to attract a spouse, or you must be career-obsessed, or whatever.

A lot of women, such as myself, stop going to church (and even stop being Christians) because never married, childless adults are not made to feel welcome. Most churches cater to married couples who have children.

(Link): My Secret Grief. Over 35, Single and Childless by Melanie Notkin

    … The grief hit me in my mid-thirties without warning.

    By all appearances, my life was fantastic, or pretty close.

    … The sadness I’d feel around my period was deeper than hormonal. I was mourning the loss of one more chance at the family life I always dreamed of.

    And I grieved alone.

    Grief over not being able to have children is acceptable for couples going through biological infertility.

    Grief over childlessness for a single woman in her thirties and forties is not as accepted. Instead, it’s assumed we just don’t understand that our fertility has a limited lifespan and we are simply being reckless with chance.

    We’re labeled “career women” as if we graduated college, burned our bras and got jobs to exhibit some sort of feminist muscle.

    Or, it’s assumed we’re not ‘trying hard enough,’ or we’re ‘being too picky.’ The latest trend is to assume we don’t really want children because we haven’t frozen our eggs, adopted or had a biological baby as a single woman.

    This type of grief, grief that is not accepted or that is silent, is referred to as disenfranchised grief. It’s the grief you don’t feel allowed to mourn, because your loss isn’t clear or understood. You didn’t lose a sibling or a spouse or a parent. But losses that others don’t recognize can be as powerful as the kind that is socially acceptable.

    Continue reading “My Secret Grief. Over 35, Single and Childless by Melanie Notkin”

Reaching single adults in a married world (article)

Reaching single adults in a married world

(Link): Reaching single adults in a married world

    By Dennis Franck

    While navigating church foyers across the country, singles encounter a traditional attitude towards marrying and doing so early in life. “Why isn’t a nice young man like you married yet?” “I don’t understand how a beautiful girl such as you, with a good job, isn’t dating.”

    Well-meaning individuals are usually unaware of the pressure and discomfort their questions cause.

    When coupled with seemingly spiritual advice — “God has someone for you” or “Wait for the right person” — such remarks lay guilt on a young adult who may not feel the need or desire to marry yet, or may already struggle with personal doubts.

    Marital patterns are changing, and these changes have created a new single adult subculture with new thoughts, attitudes, myths and sometimes misunderstandings about singleness.

    For the postmodern person (born 1965-1982), for example, issues like finishing college or grad school, getting a good start on a successful career or taking time to improve their skills might take precedence over the desire for a permanent relationship.

    The postmodern person may not see a need for marriage at all, believing that the benefits of marriage (sex, children, companionship, etc.) are available without the legal process and formal marriage commitment.

    Where is the balance between the traditionalist’s pressure to marry and the moral libertarian’s disregard for marriage?

    Historical attitudes concerning singleness

    Over the course of history marriage was expected of most adults. During the 20th century, attitudes toward singleness changed, slowly.

    From 1900 to the 1920s, single women were labeled “old maids.” During the ’30s and ’40s single women graduated to the title of “spinsters.”

    Carolyn Koons, in her chapter entitled, “Today’s Single Adult Phenomenon: The Realities, Myths, and Identity” from the Baker Handbook of Single Adult Ministry states:

    Society tried to attack the “problem” of female singleness (seldom were single men focused on) by writing major articles addressing the issue, such as: “Does It Hurt to Be an Old Maid?” “Alarming Increase of Old Maids and Bachelors in New England,” “Family Parasites: The Economic Value of the Unmarried Sister,” “The Sorrowful Maiden and the Jovial Bachelor,” and “There Is No Place in Heaven for Old Maids.”

    During the 1950s and 1960s divorce increased in the United States.

    This was the beginning of the institution of no-fault divorce, a legally convenient way to end a marriage without a biblical reason.

    During the 1970s, single adults were labeled as “swinging singles” thanks to the “new morality” that emerged.

    During the 1980s, it appeared that singleness was here to stay. Single adults came to be seen as hard workers, healthy, physically active and affluent. Singles were a dramatically growing segment of society.

    Ministering to single adults

    God created human beings to be multifaceted creatures comprised of at least six dimensions: spiritual, social, mental, physical, relational and emotional.

    Each of these areas of life represents certain needs that can be met by fellowship with the Lord and with people in and through the ministries of the church.

    If the church does not address and meet these needs, single adults may look in other places for their fulfillment — places that are not always spiritually, emotionally and relationally healthy.

    Each area can be targeted and developed in the lives of single adults by planning ministries that address specific needs to be met and skills to be learned. Consider the following lists.

    Spiritual life
    – Sunday School classes
    – Conferences, retreats, seminars and workshops
    – Discussion groups, Bible studies, prayer meetings
    – Community service/outreach projects
    – Support groups for divorce recovery, addictions or other personal needs

    Social life

    -Structured and casual activities promoting fun and
    laughter (banquets, parties, dinners, game nights)
    – Experiencing new activities (ball games, rodeos, stock car races)
    – Developing existing social skills, learning new social skills, learning to feel comfortable around the opposite sex

    … The programs and activities in a single adult ministry need to be varied and diverse. Single adults who will attend can range from teens to seniors.

    Events need to factor in the five types of single adults who potentially attend, each with unique and similar needs — never-married, divorced, widowed, single parent, separated.

Click here to read the rest
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Related this blog

(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

(Link): Why Churches Don’t Have Singles Ministries (article)

(Link): How American Christians Were Influenced by 1950s American Secular Propaganda to Idolize Marriage and Children and Against Singles and the Childless -and how over-emphasis on “family” and lack of respect for singleness started a backlash against both – [both = marriage, having kids] (excerpts from ‘Pornland’ book)

Response to the Hemingway Editorial ‘Fecundophobia’ – conservatives and Christians continue to idolize children, marriage – which is unbiblical

A Response to the Hemingway Editorial ‘Fecundophobia’ – conservatives and Christians continue to idolize children, marriage – which is unbiblical

Ms. Hemingway must be out to lunch.

Other than the secular, hyper-militant Child Free persons (and yes, they do exist, I’ve encountered them on forums or blogs for Child Free, and they are usually self professing pagans or atheists, and they are almost always very liberal and hostile towards Christians, pro lifers, and Republicans), I don’t know of many people who are pushing for, or embracing, “low fertility rates.”

Nor do I know many people among the childless or CF (childfree) who are “afraid” or pregnant women or children.

Here is a link (well, it’s a tiny bit farther below) to the editorial by the woman, Hemingway, who has a misunderstanding about the childless and childfree. Not all childless or childfree are alike in personality, political or religious views, or in their reasons as to why they remain without children.

I’ll only be writing from my particular vantage as a childless woman, I will not be attempting to defend or explain the differing views of or for every single childless or childfree person.

I have additional commentary below these excerpts; there are points where I agree with this author, and points where I do not:

(Link): Fecundophobia: The Growing Fear Of Children And Fertile Women, By Mollie Hemingway

The author, Hemingway, begins by quoting an article by a sportswriter about a football player who is about to have child number seven, and she seems to feel that the author is implying that it is “weird” for the footballer to have so many children.

Here is the section Hemingway quoted:

    And he’s [the football player] also about to have his seventh kid. There are going to be eight people with Rivers DNA running around this world.

If you visit the page in question, however, (Link): the page in question, you can see that the page’s writer is primarily riffing on this point:

    This is the only GIF necessary from this game [showing the footballer’s odd habit of making weird facial distortions and pumping his fists in the air on the sidelines during a game].

    Nick Novak hit a 50-yard field goal just inside the two-minute warning to give the Chargers a two-possession lead. This was Philip Rivers’s reaction. He’s like a sad movie character who pumps himself up in front of a mirror.

The primary point of the page is not fertility at all, but rather, the player’s strange body language and facial expressions he makes during games.

The part about him having six or seven kids is a minor thought that appears at the bottom of that page. It is not the focal point.

Hemingway then goes on to criticize several papers for not criticizing the choices of other football players who asked their girlfriends to get abortions.

Note that Hemingway quotes this by Philips, when asked how he handles being father to six children:

    It’s a two-year rotation: Once the diapers come off of one, we usually have a newborn. And we have another one on the way, due in October. I help when I can, but my wife, Tiffany, is the key.

This is actually one of several reasons I am somewhat opposed to the acceptance of, or pushing of, hyper fertility – the burden is always put primarily on the woman to look after the rug rats, while hubby gets the easier task of shuffling off to the 9 to 5 job daily.

Mom never gets a break; she stays with the children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

But women like Hemingway think this lop-sided and unfair burden of child care foisted on the woman only is a good thing, I would suppose.

Read about Andrea Yates and how she murdered several of her children after being expected to be a full time mommy with little to no help from anyone, not even her spouse ((Link): Yates information).

Hemingway responds to the perfectly natural, “how the hey do you manage with six children?!” question by asking incredulously,

    — but what kind of question is that? Seriously. Who asks a question like that?

Why, it’s the kind of perfectly normal, natural reaction of someone, of any sane, rational, and logical person, who thinks having more than two or three children is strange, expensive, and very time consuming – that is the sort of person who.

Even people who are currently parents to two or three children might wonder in awe at, or in bewilderment at, why anyone would want to have more than three children, or how they handle more than three, without going broke or being physically exhausted all the time.

It is not only the liberals, childless, or childfree who get puzzled by this sort of thing.

Hemingway writes,

    It may be impolitic to suggest that men and women are in any way different, science be damned, but many women have a particular specialty in cultivating relationships and family. To denigrate women who acknowledge and accept this as a good thing rather than fight against it is not exactly life-affirming.

Christian gender egalitarians note that there are some differences between men and women ((Link): visit CBE – Christians for Biblical Equality), but it does not follow that while women may be better at relationship, or more drawn to building them, that they therefore should all have at least one child, or up to ten of them.

Women can just as easily use their interest in, and talent at, relationships for volunteering to help lonely seniors at senior citizen retirement homes, or volunteering to feed homeless people at soup kitchens, or, helping take care of homeless puppies and cats at the ASPCA.

Hemingway’s argument shortly before that, which gets into how we are all interdependent, actually shoots down her other points which argue in favor of each person having ten children: you can go through life childless but depend on brothers, sisters, uncles, neighbors, friends, and if you are a church goer, fellow church members.

One does not have to have children in order to have someone to depend on, or to be “interdependent.”

Just because a larger percentage of people in contemporary society are choosing not to have children (and remember, some who want to are unable to – from lack of partner to infertility), does not mean all people will make this same choice.

As a matter of fact, the number of babies among unmarried women have been skyrocketing, which is angering, or worrying, a lot of Christians:

Nor does a decrease in people interested in pro-creating necessarily mean all of society will grind to a halt. There will always be someone, somewhere, who will keep getting pregnant and giving birth. (It’s just not going to be me specifically. And that is okay.)

Then there’s this information, which would appear to refute some of Ms. Hemingway’s views:

What Jesus Christ and Paul Taught About Family/ Having Children / Being Married

As a matter of fact, that is the pattern that Jesus Christ sought to establish, that people be freed from the ancient over-dependence on family, because Jesus recognized that such a society ignored those without one, such as orphans, spinsters, and widows:

    While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him.

    Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”

    He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?”

    Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”
    [source: Matthew 12]

And further, from Matthew 10, Jesus speaking:

    “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.

    For I have come to turn
    “‘a man against his father,
    a daughter against her mother,
    a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
    a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’

    “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”

No where in the Bible does Jesus teach that one must have children in order to have someone to “depend upon.”

Having children, in the New Testament, is not listed as a rule or commandment.

Your spiritual brothers and sisters in Christ (that is, other Christians) are to be your primary family; you are not to seek family out in husband, children, mother, or brother.

The Bible does not condemn marriage or having children, but it remains that singlehood, as stated by Paul the Apostle under inspiration of the Holy Spirit, is stated as being preferable for believers – not marriage and procreating.

Quoting Paul:

    Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. [source]

Paul again,

    25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.

    26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is.
    27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife.

    28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned.

    But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

    32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord.

    33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided.

    An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.

    35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
    [source: 1 Corinthians 7]

Culture Still Puts Pressure on Women to Have Children, Contrary to What Hemingway Says

Hemingway states,

    And keeping the womb empty at all costs during all, or nearly all, of one’s fertile years is the sine qua non of modern American womanhood. Woe to the woman who “chooses” otherwise.

I am a right winger, I am a social conservative, and yes, I realize that a lot of the media -which is tilted left- rabidly supports abortion.

I do not support abortion myself.

I am not opposed to women having babies, if that is their informed choice.

However. It remains a fact in American society that outside of left wing media, there is still a tremendous pressure, and expectation, placed upon people, especially women, to crank out babies.

The cultural landscape is the direct opposite of what Hemingway states in her editorial.

Outside of fringe, far left, kook, militant Child Free type groups or individuals, or rabidly militant, secular feminists, there is still a huge expectation from larger culture that women should have babies, and if they do not have children, for whatever reason, they are hounded for it, put down, and insulted, or scolded, or treated as though they are freaks.

Women are attacked for remaining childless not only by commentators such as Hemingway in newspapers and blogs, but also by their baby-obsessed mothers, sisters, aunts, and grandmothers, and female co-workers.

It is a very real perception and stereotype by the child-loving population, which is in the majority, that you are thought weird, baby-hating, evil, incredibly selfish, etc, if you cannot have children, or, if you deliberately choose not to have children.

I have never liked children myself, so I never cared if I had a baby or not.

But please note: I do not “hate” children, I do not fear them, I do not condone child abuse or abortion. I am simply not comfortable around babies and children: they are typically loud, messy, distracting. I prefer not being around them.

At one point in her editorial, Hemingway talks about walking around a city, an area very liberal in flavor. She mentions seeing signs hanging up around that part of town reading, “Thank you for not breeding.”

I suggest to her, I posit, that conservative and Christian culture does the same exact thing as that liberal section of the city she visited, only they are mirror opposites: rather than hanging up signs that say “thank you for not breeding!,” conservatives and Christians hang up signs screaming at women TO marry and TO “breed.”

Continue reading “Response to the Hemingway Editorial ‘Fecundophobia’ – conservatives and Christians continue to idolize children, marriage – which is unbiblical”