Thoughts Regarding ‘Crisis in the Christian Church: A Lack of Young, Single Men’ Essay by S. Green

Thoughts Regarding ‘Crisis in the Christian Church: A Lack of Young, Single Men’ Essay by S. Green

I will excerpt this essay from The Christian Post, which was published about a month ago, then offer my thoughts.

I will start out by saying it’s not just a lack of YOUNG men in the church, but a lack of single men of ANY age at churches that is a problem for any Christian single woman who expected to be able to find a marital partner at a church.

I remain single past my 30s and 40s. I had wanted to be married, I was taught by Christian culture and my parents that if I was just a good Christian person, prayed, and trusted in God, that I would be “sent” a Christian spouse, and that I could likely expect to meet this spouse, whoever he was, at a church.

So, over the years, in my 20s and older, I would pop into the occasional church every so often. However, any time I attended,  there were never any single men of my age, once I got into my mid or late 20s, my 30s, and my 40s.

It’s not just women in their 20s who’d like to marry, it’s women in their 30s and on up age-wise who’d like to marry. Why oh why do Christians always ignore them? It’s not fair or okay.

Never, ever focus solely on 20-something singles.

With that, here is the article – below the article, I will offer my observations:

(Link): Crisis in the Christian Church: A lack of young, single men

Excerpts:

By Solomon Green, March 4, 2021

….Churches are increasingly becoming a (Link): very unpopular [PDF document] place to meet a future wife or husband since the 1940s. The truth is, Christian Culture is dying.

…new families cannot be formed when there is a barrier of severe gender imbalance.  According to (Link): Lyman Stone’s study, a typical Sunday service has 71 eligible men to 100 eligible women.

This is an enormous problem within the Body of Christ that isn’t getting any better or going to fix itself.

New men aren’t just going to walk into churches. So how do churches fix this? Well, here are three steps to help solve the problem.

Step One: Have more Sunday sermons focused on careers, sex, and marriage. These topics are of great importance, yet are hardly covered from the pulpit …

Continue reading “Thoughts Regarding ‘Crisis in the Christian Church: A Lack of Young, Single Men’ Essay by S. Green”

A #MeToo Divorce Debate in the Philippines by James Hookway

A #MeToo Divorce Debate in the Philippines by James Hookway

(Link): A #MeToo Divorce Debate in the Philippines by James Hookway

Excerpts:

April 27, 2018

When the tiny island nation of Malta voted to allow divorce in 2011, Melody Alan realized that her own strongly Catholic country, the Philippines, was the only one left in the world without that right (aside from the Vatican).

Last fall, as the #MeToo movement began to ripple out from the U.S., she and fellow advocates for divorce seized the moment and tried to recast the debate.

Ms Alan’s own husband left her and their two children for another woman in 2010. He offered to support an annulment of their marriage (an elaborate court or church procedure) but only if she would pay the entire cost – more than a year’s worth of her schoolteacher’s salary.

“I wanted to be free of him and call myself a free woman, but I couldn’t,” she told legislators in February, when a parade of women appeared before a committee of the country’s House of Representatives. Some recounted abuse at the hands of their husbands, abandonment to a life of poverty and single motherhood with no chance of remarriage.

Last month, a divorce bill cleared the House of Representatives for the first time. …

Continue reading “A #MeToo Divorce Debate in the Philippines by James Hookway”

Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

Holy guacamole did I ever find a post by a Christian guy who really knows how to slam never-married or “single again” adults.

I was astounded by parts of this guy’s post.

I almost re-tweeted a link to his blog post about divorce from my Twitter page (I saw someone else share it on Twitter), thinking someone may find it helpful (judging from the title alone, it sounded like it might be a good page) but thankfully, I skimmed it first.

I left a reply under the guy’s post, and his blog says my post is awaiting moderation. Who knows if he will approve it to appear or not.

(August 2016 update: my comment on his blog, that I made in April 2016, is STILL tagged with the “awaiting moderation” comment on his blog. Unreal.)

I have copied in my reply farther below. I tried to be civil in my reply.

I’m going to try to be charitable here on my own blog: maybe this guy does not realize how deeply insulting his blog post is – the parts where he talks about divorced people or the never-married.

This guy should realize that upholding marriage or discouraging divorce does not necessitate INSULTING SINGLE PEOPLE.

You do not have to scare married people out of divorce by suggesting that all “single again” or never-married adults out there are great big, scary losers who have a lot of baggage, so if married people divorce, they won’t be able to find a great partner.

Continue reading “Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage”

Pedophiles Seeking Christian Wives in Churches – Another Reason to be Leery of the “Equally Yoked” Idea and Reconsider Church as a Place to Meet Singles

Pedophiles Seeking Christian Wives in Churches – Another Reason to be Leery of the “Equally Yoked” Idea and Reconsider Church as a Place to Meet Singles

I skimmed over this really long blog post, on Brent Detwiler’s site (link much farther below), about a guy, Caffery, who was jailed for pedophilia. Caffery has more than one victim, if I remember right.

Caffery wrote a book at one point claiming that belief in Christ changed his life for the better, and so on and so forth (amazingly, he was molesting kids while writing this book – during the same time frame).

Caffery also wrote (in a book or a letter to his church elders, I forget which) that he was afraid if his wife gave birth to a daughter, he would molest his own daughter, so he prayed and asked God for sons. His wife went on to give birth to all sons. (I think the blog post says he later had a daughter by his second wife.)

Let me pause here to say: if I were dating or engaged to a guy who told me this upfront, that he is afraid he might molest any kids we had together, I would take him at his word and dump his ass.

(I don’t know if the woman this guy married knew beforehand or not, I’m just saying if this happened to me, I would NOT stay with a guy who confessed such a thing to me.

Never, ever stay with a guy out of pity or a sense of duty – don’t feel sorry for Mr. “I might molest our kids if we have kids together” Pervert. Helping him or redeeming such a deviant is not your responsibility. Part of the reason I got sucked into my last disaster of an engagement was that I felt sorry for the guy.)

The part that really stood out to me in this blog post by DeWiler was when Caffery said after one wife divorced him, he went looking for a new wife at a large Christian church. I found this alarming and creepy.

Continue reading “Pedophiles Seeking Christian Wives in Churches – Another Reason to be Leery of the “Equally Yoked” Idea and Reconsider Church as a Place to Meet Singles”

Hypocrisy Alert: (Anti Virginity Proponent) Russell Moore to Pastors: Don’t Do Wedding Ceremonies for Couples Living in Sin

Hypocrisy Alert: (Anti Virginity Proponent) Russell Moore to Pastors: Don’t Do Wedding Ceremonies for Couples Living in Sin

This is the same Moore who (Link): attacks and ridicules adult Christian virgins for being virgins until marriage.

 So this doofus  has a hella lot of nerve lecturing Christian preachers about not performing Christians who are living in sexual sin.

Moore: you do not honor Christian adults who are Virgins who are waiting ’til marriage to have sex, (which is a very basic Christian sexual ethic), so how do you square away bad-mouthing and shaming Christian couples who may be “shacking up?”

You actually have, in the past, criticized and shamed singles who are living sexually pure life styles. You are being absolutely hypocritical here:

(Link): Russell Moore to Pastors: Don’t Do Wedding Ceremonies for Couples Living in Sin by S. Smith

Excerpts:

  • Leading Southern Baptist ethicist Russell Moore is encouraging pastors not to perform wedding ceremonies for couples who are not Christians and those who are living in sin simply because members of their families belong to their church or their congregation is pressuring them to do so.
  • Moore, who is the president of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission, spoke at a conference on “The Church and Sexuality” that was held at the First Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama, by the state’s Baptist and Southern Baptist leaders on Monday.
  • (Link): Alabama.com reports that Moore told the crowd of about 500 people that pastors cannot hold non believers and those already living in sin accountable to their wedding vows if they are already not living their lives by God’s design.
  • “You cannot marry anyone except believers and people under the authority of Jesus Christ,” Moore explained. “Unbelievers, you cannot hold accountable to their vows.”

Continue reading “Hypocrisy Alert: (Anti Virginity Proponent) Russell Moore to Pastors: Don’t Do Wedding Ceremonies for Couples Living in Sin”

Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity by K. Beckert

Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity by K. Becker

(Link): Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity

Excerpts:

  • … As a pastor who happens to be single right now, I think I can speak for the 45% of the U.S. population who is single right now and say it’s not an easy place to be.
  • … And some of us listen to the culture around us for advice on what to do with that desire. This culture echoes a duplicity of voices, of ways to “handle” singleness, and it shines at us on small screens and big screens.
  • … Marriage is marketed to us as a blissful, everlasting date – not as the covenant it’s supposed to be, but as an item on a shelf to be paid and bartered for. We fall in love with a wedding.

Continue reading “Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity by K. Beckert”

Christian, Family Values Vlogger – Austin Null – Caught Sexting

Christian, Family Values Vlogger – Austin Null – Caught Sexting

I think I first saw this story on Twitter, and it was later picked up by SCCL (“Stuff Christian Culture Likes”) Facebook group (they are discussing the story (Link): here)

Because of stories like this one, I’m really skeptical about the “be equally yoked” teaching that married Christians insist marriage-minded singles adhere to.

I would assume that both the husband and wife in this Null marriage are Christians – what on earth is the point in a Christian woman marrying a Christian, if the Christian husband turns around and does things like have affairs on the wife, sends nude photos of himself to other people online, and so on?

On a side note here, I’m perplexed at how and why so many “family values” Christians keep blaming things like secular feminism on the downfall of culture.

I don’t see how secular feminism bears the blame for this married Christian man sending nude photos of himself to a mistress. It seems to me that is his responsibility alone, not secular feminism, or the sexual revolution of the 1960s.

I also think this is a blow to the teaching about marriage and dating one sees from some Christians which goes like this: you have to become perfect or really godly to earn a spouse from God.

If God is permitting imperfect ass-clowns like this Null guy to have a wife – a guy who cheats on her by sending nudie photos of himself to strangers on the internet – I seriously doubt God sits about saying, “I refuse to send a spouse to this adult single over here for cutting someone off in traffic two weeks ago.”

Christians often like to tell teen aged kids that if they just wait until marriage to have sex, that the sex will be frequent and great. If married Christian sex is so great, why was this married Christian man getting his rocks off sending nudie photos of himself to someone else?

(Link):   Austin Null of The Nive Nulls ADMITS to CHEATING for FIVE Months!

  • Austin and Britt Null uploaded an impromptu vlog entitled, “WE NEED TO TALK”, on their YouTube channel–The Nive Nulls. Austin and Brit discuss nude images and video that has surfaced of Austin Null being inappropriate with several intimate household objects. Austin says this issue has been a big part of the both of their lives for one year!

Continue reading “Christian, Family Values Vlogger – Austin Null – Caught Sexting”

Marriage is Not A Cure For Pedophilia, Making a Joke of Marriage: Christian Preacher Marries A Known Pedophile To Young Woman, Pedophile Then Apparently Molests His Own Biological Infant Son By That Woman

Marriage is Not A Cure For Pedophilia, Making a Joke of Marriage: Christian Preacher Marries A Known Pedophile To Young Woman, Pedophile Then Apparently Molests His Own Biological Infant Son By That Woman

How many ways can Christians, many of whom claim to support traditional marriage, manage to undermine and make a mockery of it? Here’s one more way.

(Maybe I should come up with some kind of Bingo card for this.)

Doug Wilson, who is a preacher of his own church (Christ Church), married a known pedophile, Steven Sitler, to a young lady named Katie Travis. (This is the (Link): same Doug Wilson who believes that celibacy is impossible for adults.)

A news story was published a few days ago which explains that Sitler and Sitler’s wife, Katie, had a baby boy together, and Sitler apparently (if I am understanding the article correctly) sexually abused his own biological infant son.

Here is one link about that:

(Link):  Idaho sex offender allowed to return home with child

Excerpt:

  • September 2015
  • By Samantha Malott
    Moscow-Pullman Daily News
  • MOSCOW, Idaho — A Latah County 2nd District Court judge ordered Tuesday that a convicted sex offender, Steven Sitler, must continue to have an approved chaperone present, within his direct line of sight, at all times he is around his infant child in the wake of new disclosures of “contact resulting in actual sexual stimulation.”

The Free Jinger forum has some background information on all this:

And (more background):

Said Annie B Good in that thread:

  • What gets me is that he [Douglas Wilson] married this desperate girl [Katie Travis], who felt she was an old maid at 23, he’s barred from contact with children, and yet he [Sitler] may be going to father children with a woman he’s not attracted to. Just a total mess. Christ Church should be ashamed of the behavior of their so called leaders.

Continue reading “Marriage is Not A Cure For Pedophilia, Making a Joke of Marriage: Christian Preacher Marries A Known Pedophile To Young Woman, Pedophile Then Apparently Molests His Own Biological Infant Son By That Woman”

A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages

A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages 

Before we get to the post by J D Hall:

Background:

  • The Village Church (TVC) of Texas has placed Karen, who was once a member of theirs, under church discipline because she did not, according to them, abide by the church covenant she signed.
  • Instead of conferring with the church on what to do, Karen, on her own, sought an annulment from the state of Texas, once she discovered her then-spouse, Jordan, was a pedophile.
  • Karen said she spent about 50 days conferring with other Christians (not from the TVC), and in prayer, mulling over what to do, before seeking the annulment.
  • This action of hers has ticked off TVC leadership, because Karen did not get their permission to get the annulment.
  • Matt Chandler is the lead preacher of TVC.

You can read additional reporting of this situation here (additional material is at the bottom of this post):

Here is the page I am responding to:

(Link, off site): A Rational Response to the Criticism of Village Church  by  J D Hall, Pulpit and Pen blog

The covenant that Hall is so rigorously defending – TVC’s membership covenant – here does not even mention annulments.

As Karen explains (off site Link, Source):

  • …it is worth noting here that although The Village Church claims [in their e-mail] that “We see an annulment as a subcategory of what Scripture defines as a divorce in Mark 10:9” …, this cannot be found anywhere in their Membership Covenant or Bylaws.
  • In signing their Membership Covenant shortly after my 24th birthday, I had agreed to nothing in regards to the possibility of annulment should I come to realize that my marriage had been a complete sham from the beginning.
  • There is a vast difference between a divorce and a marriage that is voided on the grounds of fraud, and I had no way of knowing that the leadership of The Village Church would respond to it in this fashion.

Continue reading “A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages”

Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work

Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work

A recent post I made, along with a comment left under it by a regular blog visitor (hello mikewchair2165!) got me to thinking of something I’ve noticed or experienced myself when visiting other Christian forums or blogs.

The previous post I refer to was this one:

(Link): “When Your Dad Dates Your Boyfriends”

I had remarked in that blog post that using faith to get a spouse simply does not work. It did not work for me. I grew up in an evangelical, Southern Baptist family and church environ, and I listened to or watched a lot of TV sermons by evangelicals and other types of Christians on Christian TV. I also read a lot of Christian publications that sometimes had articles about dating and marriage.

So, from my youth and into my 20s, I was exposed to a lot of evangelical views, teachings, and advice about dating, gender roles, how to get a spouse, and so forth. The vast majority of material and teachings I was exposed to conveyed the idea that a single adult who desires marriage should be passive and “trust God” to send him or her a spouse.

This was usually taught as, you should just go about your daily life, attend a local church, but trust God to send Mr. Right into your life.

As I am not a man, I can’t gauge exactly what kinds of teachings evangelicals give men on these subjects and how often – I didn’t pay as much attention to the stuff being specifically directed at men on some topics (depending on what the topic is), because I’m not a dude.

However, from what little I do remember, about any time I have paid attention when Baptist or evangelical Christians were telling single males how to get a wife, they usually stressed that the man should be very active, and go out trying to find a date.

Christians usually tell the men to get off their duffs and look for a wife because “he who finds a wife finds a good thing” (which is quoting some Bible verse). But, there was also a strain of teaching given to men, which is quite similar to what we women were taught, of, “Just pray and trust God, and God will send a suitable partner across your path, no effort is required on your part, effort shows  you are not trusting God.”

So I suppose some Baptist or evangelical men are also given the message that getting married is a very passive endeavor, with no effort on their part, it’s all up to God, which is also what Christian women are taught from the time they are girls.

As I am a lady, I will explain things from the woman’s view.

If you are an unmarried man (especially one who is over 30 years of age) who was brought up in a Baptist or evangelical church or family, you can weigh in and explain your experience in the comments below, how this stuff is taught to men, to give any visitors a more informed view, if you like.

The advice I heard from Christians growing up, on how and when to marry, (and all this was usually depicted as being “biblical” or “Bible based” advice, so of course if you are a sincere Christian, you want to do what is “biblical” and “pleasing to God”) is that you have to do X, Y, and Z, to get a spouse.

Sometimes, doing “X, Y, and Z” was presented as necessary, otherwise God would punish you by refusing to send you a husband.

That is, God will not send a godly, Christian husband to a woman, unless she does “X, Y, Z” and avoids doing “A, B, and C.” The particular advice here can vary.

Sometimes Christian advice about dating, marriage, and other issues is contradictory.

For example, because so many Christians are paranoid and fearful or despise secular feminism, they will tell Christian single women,

“Do not be too independent. That will turn off men. You have to make the man feel as though you NEED him.”

On the other hand, Christians will tell single Christian women, “Don’t be TOO dependent on a man. You have to be independent, because being too dependent will turn a man off, you will be seen as too needy or clingy.”

So, the conflicting message to Christian single women is:

  • Be independent, but at the same time, do not be independent.

In the physical appearance department, single Christian women are told: be pretty, but do not be pretty. We are told these conflicting messages:

  • Men are visually oriented, so you must be thin and pretty to attract and keep a man. But, do not be pretty, lest you cause a brother in Christ to stumble and make him lust, and, remember, God loves you for your heart.

If I thought about it long enough, I could go on with other examples that are double standards, contradictions, and impossible to follow.

One teaching that is fairly consistent: Christians either out right say or imply that virginity is necessary for a Christian woman to get married. (I seldom to never hear Christians stress male virginity is necessary for a Christian man to “earn” a spouse.)

We women are told, or it is implied, God will not send a loving, nice, financially stable, Christian husband to a fornicator, so you best keep the skirt down and the legs together.

Never mind that over the years I have seen so many testimonies (on Christian shows!) of women who admit they slept around for decades, even working as call girls or strippers, even knowing it was sin, yet they later married a nice, Christian, middle class husband.

Anyway, other Christians may add other supposed qualities a Christian woman must possess before God will “permit her” to marry, or to “reward her with” a husband. Some Christians may tell a woman to “seek God first,” or “be content in God” before God will send you a spouse.

Other Christians will include all that stuff, or simply advise you to “trust in the Lord,” or “pray regularly for a spouse” or “have faith and believe, and it will come to pass in God’s timing.”

Some will tell a woman that she must pray regularly, read her Bible often, and volunteer at a charity.

Here’s the problem: you can sincerely follow all this supposed “godly” or “Bible based” advice on how to get a mate and still end up being single.

I know I followed all the advice and have never married, and I am over the age of 40 now.

When I began picking up on this around my mid or late 30s, and I started posting concerns, questions, and comments about these subjects on other Christian forums, blogs, and sites years ago, nobody had an answer.

A few people were sympathetic. They told me they were in a similar position.

However, more often than not, when I would point out,

  • “I don’t get it. I had faith. I went to church, I trusted God, I read my Bible, lived a clean life style, truly believed God would provide, and I’m still a virgin. I did all the things I was told to do by Christians to get a spouse, but I am still single. What is going on, I don’t understand?” –

instead of receiving compassion and sympathy, which is the response I should have received, or else, I should have received serious responses to my issue, I would instead get shamed, criticized, attacked by both married and single Christians. Continue reading “Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work”

According to Some Christians, Russell Moore Drops Ball on how Christians Should Respond to Homosexual Marriage

According to Some Christians, Russell Moore Drops Ball on how Christians Should Respond to Homosexual Marriage

From the description of Hour 1 of Janet Mefferd’s radio program (LINK):

  • And Dr. Russell Moore, president of the Southern Baptist Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission, has come under fire for saying government employees who have religious objections to so-called same-sex marriage should resign, rather than stand against an unjust law imposed upon their states. But is that even the right American response, based upon our history and constitutional framework? Paul Blair, chairman of Reclaiming America for Christ, has written an open-letter response to Moore and joins Janet to offer his thoughts.

(Link): Southern Baptist ethicist says Alabama judges must uphold gay marriage law or resign

  • by W Hall
  • NASHVILLE, Tenn. (Christian Examiner) — The head of the Southern Baptist Convention’s public policy arm says Alabama judges who in good conscience cannot issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, should resign instead of fighting the law while in office.
  • Russell D. Moore, president of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission and no relation to Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore, was (Link): quoted in the Baptist Press, the SBC’s official news service, as being in conflict with approximately 44 of 67 Alabama probate judges who have refused to issue marriage licenses to gay couples. These jurists are acting in defiance of an order by U.S. District Court Judge Callie Granade who invalidated an Alabama constitutional amendment, passed by 81 percent of voters, defining marriage in the state as only between one man and one woman.
  • ….RUSSELL MOORE
  • Russell Moore, a national official charged with representing Southern Baptists’ beliefs with regard to culture and public policy, told Baptist Press any judge who “could not discharge the duties of his office required by law” because of objections of conscience “would need to resign and protest it as a citizen.”

    He said that there is a role for civil disobedience, but not for “judges and state Supreme Court justices … in their roles as agents of the state.”

  • …BIBLICAL GUIDANCE
  • Russell Moore cited familiar biblical passages to justify his position that Chief Justice Roy Moore and the defiant probate judges are wrong.

    “As citizens and as Christians, our response should be one of both conviction and of respect for the rule of law (1 Peter 2:13; Romans 13). Our system of government does not allow a state to defy the law of the land,” Russell Moore wrote, according to Baptist Press.

    “Religious freedom and conscience objections must be balanced with a state’s obligation to discharge the law,” the Southern Baptists’ ethicist said.

  • …OTHER VIEWS OF SCRIPTURE
  • Others have a different take than Russell Moore on the biblical responsibilities of Christian judges facing objections of conscience.

    Southern Baptist Rick Burgess, an overwhelmingly popular Christian radio personality throughout the South and an Alabama native, sent a strongly worded tweet to encourage probate judges who “claim to follow Christ” to “make a stand and refuse to sign same-sex marriage licenses.”

If you will recall, homosexuality is not a topic I care to discuss at my blog. I only bring it up sometimes if it intersects with heterosexual celibacy and singleness or something of that nature.

Russell Moore is a well known putz and leader of SBC’s ethics group. He has, in the past, screwed the pooch on hetero virginity.

Now it appears he is being criticized by some evangelicals for how he feels Christians should handle homosexual marriage.

Given that Moore is a doofus putz concerning hetero sexual sin and purity, don’t be surprised that (from the standard evangelical view) he’s mis-handling homosexuality as well.

Sex is Not the Primary or Only Basis of Marriage – Rape Victims / Asexuals / Bestiality ~ Zoophilia / Sexless Marriages / Park Bans Single Men -AND- Single Women – Rebuttal to Blogger John Morgan

Sex is Not the Primary or Only Basis of Marriage – Rape Victims / Asexuals / Bestiality ~ Zoophilia / Sexless Marriages / Park Bans Single Men -AND- Single Women – Rebuttal to Blogger John Morgan 

I actually already addressed this briefly in an older post from a few days ago, but I really feel this needs its own post.

That guy who used to post to this blog, who has his own blog about Christianity and celibacy (his name is John Morgan, and he blogs (Link): here), who I banned from my blog several months ago, keeps asserting in some of his recent blog posts that two people having sex (which he limits to a man having sex with a woman, if I am understanding his views correctly) constitutes marriage.

Here are some of the posts where he equates having sex to being married:

I disagree, for a few different reasons, but right off I want to say that this teaching can be damaging to sexual assault victims.

Do you really expect me to believe that a woman who is raped by a man makes the two married, and particularly in our day and age?

We are living in the year 2015 in the United States.

We are not living in the same setting and time in which the Old Testament was written, a patriarchal, Middle Eastern culture of 5,000 or 2,000 BC, when women had few rights and we’re looking to keep the family tree pure to be able to trace the Messiah.

Women today are simply not expected to marry their rapists, if they are raped.

One of my family members was raped prior to the age of ten by another family member of hers.

I had an online friend for a few years who is about the same age as me. She confided with me that she has never had consensual sex (she is waiting until marriage for sex), but she was raped by one of her uncles when she was a teen.

While I realize that rape is considered less about sex than it is about power and control on the part of the rapist, it still involves a man placing his penis in a woman’s vagina, or possibly other sex acts.

For John Morgan to run around insisting that sexual intercourse between two people is the basis for marriage is troubling and insensitive – because not everyone who engages in this is doing so of his or her own choice or volition.

In some parts of the world, little girls (and sometimes boys) are sold into the human sex trafficking business, where they are forced to have sex with adults all day. Don’t tell me these horribly abused little kids are “married” to their “clients,” that is deranged and sick.

There are some marriages – like with asexuals – where the marriage is not consummated. There are also marriages that become “sexless” after so many months or years because one or both partners have mental or physical health problems.

Paul in the New Testament tells Christians not to step too far out of bounds with whatever culture they are living in, because it could cause harm to the testimony of the faith.

That is, if you are needlessly refusing to go along with culture on some disputable matter or another – say, for example, riding a plaid ostrich to work, when all other Americans are riding horses to work, and the horse-riders think you a fool or odd-ball for riding an ostrich- you are making all Christians and the Gospel by association look like wacko, weirdo, fruit cakes, and Paul said to Knock That Off.

Paul was saying if something is not explicitly spelled out in the Bible, if God does not condemn it, such as what mode of transportation to take, he said, go ahead and ride a horse in your culture, if that is what all your neighbors are using. Don’t be an ass and go against the grain.

You can argue, well, there is a single verse in the Old Testament that says some guy rode an ostrich to his job. Okay, but unless that verse specifically said, “Thus saith the LORD, I hate humans riding horses and forbid all believers from riding horses for all time,” don’t assume that the ostrich thing is a prescriptive for Americans in the year 2015.

Ditto on the how to get married angle.

The Old Testament is chock full of kings having 300 or more concubines, or 20 wives. Abraham had sex with his handmaiden as well as with his wife Sarah, and rapists were commanded to marry their rape victims. Do you really want Americans in 2015 emulating those types of marriages?

Just because Adam and Eve in the Garden as mentioned in the book of Genesis did not have to go to a courthouse and sign papers to make things legal with a government in Year One B.C. does not mean that Christians in 2015 can or should disregard going through governmental channels and get a marriage license.

Adam and Eve were under the direct supervision with God prior to the fall. As an American today, I don’t have that face to face contact with God. So I cannot get God to validate a marriage of mine.

My parents were very old fashioned, traditional, Christian people.

My parents always said that when two people live together – when a man and woman live under the same roof, are having sex with one another, they do not go to the courthouse, don’t sign on the legal papers – they are not married, they are “shacking up.” This was regarded as a sin by them and many other Christians for the past few decades.

If an American couple in 2015 is living together and having sex without the government license that recognizes their union as being a marriage, they are NOT MARRIED.

(There is such a thing as common law marriage, but that is neither here nor there.)

The sex act alone is not sufficient to say a couple is “married.”  ~ Not in the USA in the year 2015.

For all the couples who are married but asexual (there is no sexual intercourse), they are still married. They would probably be pretty offended for John Morgan to insist their marriage is not really a marriage because of absence of sex.

What if a husband who is serving in the Marines gets deployed to serve in Afghanistan and hence is not having sex with his wife for a year or more? Does their marriage cease to be a marriage just because there’s no sex?

What if the husband gets into an auto accident, and remains a vegetable or very brain damaged, is like an infant, until he dies five years later (this actually happened to an aunt of mine)?

Are you going to tell me that because there is no longer any sex in that marriage it suddenly makes it a non-marriage? What bunk.

How does John Morgan define “sex,” anyway?

Many Christians cannot even agree on what constitutes sex.

Many evangelicals, who are brought up in “purity culture,” are taught that only penis-in-the-vagina action is “sex,” so, to get around this limitation, they engage in anal sex, oral sex, petting prior to marriage – the get involved in anything and everything short of P in V sex.

You have lesbians who get angry at Christians over discussing the importance of virginity (seriously, yes, see this old post), because, they recognize that many Christians define sex as being only or predominantly “penis-in-the-vagina action,” which lifelong lesbian women may never experience, yet, those lesbian women are performing oral sex on each other, or what have you.

From the lesbian perspective, from what I’ve read, they consider oral sex or scissoring, or whatever else, to be equally valid to P in V sex.

So, these lesbians are having sex with each other – but according to John Morgan, that means these women are “married” to each other. (Or is he going to define sex to mean only P in the V?)

Yet Morgan seems to feel that “homosexual marriage” is not “real,” and he also (and this is very strange) feels that celibacy is only for HETERO-sexuals (see this post for more on that). He definitely believes that (Link): Are Homosexual Thoughts Sinful [Yes, he says] .

Er… according to Morgan, homosexual thoughts are sinful, but homosexuals should not practice celibacy? His views are really mixed up.

In the Gospels, Jesus said to even “look at in lust” another person was seen as God as being as wrong as actually having sex with that person….

Does that mean every time a person fantasizes about “doing the nasty” with their favorite celebrity or their crush (that is, they just think about it, they don’t actually DO IT), they are “married” to that person? According to John Morgan logic, yes, but I don’t think so.

Are all the porn stars who have sex with each other for the sake of making a naughty movie, are they  “married” to each other, even in God’s eyes? I doubt it.

How about this pervert mentioned in an (Link): older blog post of mine: he sticks his penis into a horse’s vagina at least once a month and has sex with the horse, or sometimes performs oral sex on the horse.

Do you really expect me to believe God would think this sicko is “married” to that horse? And does the horse get a say in any of this?

If your only criteria as to what makes a marriage a marriage is Penis In the Vagina (or any other sex act), you really need to re-examine your views.

I don’t have the perfect all encompassing definition of marriage myself, but I know a true marriage when I see it, AND I think I know what IT IS NOT, and it’s not merely penis in the vagina activity. I think it takes more for one person to be married to another than sex.

As to this, in (Link): one of his posts,

Yeah, I blogged about that and tweeted about it weeks before he mentioned it there on his blog,

By the way, unless I overlooked it in the reporting, the stories said ALL single adults are banned, not just men. That would mean unaccompanied WOMEN singles are also barred.

Yep, the (Link): NY Daily News said,

  • A British theme park has banned unaccompanied adults from entry — in case they are pedophiles.Bosses at Puxton Park, in Somerset, forbid men and women from visiting the attraction on their own just in case they are child sex predators, reports the Western Daily Press. The rule came to light Thursday after a bird-watcher was barred from visiting a falconry display.

Why, one wonders, does Morgan keep laser focusing on MEN?

Morgan keeps painting this picture on his blog of celibate / single males having life ten times worse than celibate / single women. I don’t think so, bub. That article says unmarried men AND women are banned, NOT JUST MEN.

Do I think single men have life tough in some regards? Absolutely – especially in a Christian environment, where most Christians worship marriage.

However, I don’t think single men necessarily have life more difficult than single women. Women actually have it a bit worse because they are expected to reproduce and make babies. Men don’t get near as much pressure to reproduce.

Single men past the age of 40 are often called “confirmed bachelors,” while single women my age get more derogatory terms thrown their way, such as “spinster,” “crazy cat lady,” or “old maid.”

Women my age or older who desire marriage are often automatically (Link): pegged as “being desperate,” by some people, including Christians, but I don’t see men my age (or older) who want marriage get tarred with the same terminology or assumptions.

(But, I would say that older single men get pegged with the (Link): “You Must Be A Pedophile” view  more often than the single ladies do. Thank Dog that is one less stereotype I have to deal with.)

I still wonder if Morgan visits my blog or Twitter feed and takes material or story ideas? If he does, the polite thing to do is cite his source – in the blogging community, it’s common to give hat tips to one’s sources.

I also find it funny because Morgan thinks I am untrustworthy because I don’t give my real name. I’m trustworthy enough to take news story ideas from, apparently.  If you think I am untrustworthy please stop visiting my blog and/or Twitter and taking news links or story ideas from me!

But Morgan really, really needs to realize how much his equation of “Sex = Marriage” harms some people (such as rape victims), and it’s a view that makes no sense, and opens the door for homosexuals (the ones having sex with others of their own gender) to argue they can consider themselves “married.”

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Related posts:

(Link):  Blogger Guy John Hugh Morgan Who Accused Me Of Being Untrustworthy Finds My Blog Trustworthy Enough to Use as Resource

(Link): True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues – and a rebuttal to John Morgan’s comment on the page

(Link): Christian Double Standards on Celibacy – Hetero Singles Must Abstain from Sex but Not Homosexual Singles

(Link): Sex, Love & Celibacy by Dan Navin [written by a homosexual celibate]

(Link):  Virgin – and Celibate – Shaming : Christian Double Standards – Homosexuals Vs Hetero Singles – Concerning Thabiti Anyabwile and Gag Reflexes

(Link):  Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female? John Morgan Says Men Are, I Say He’s Full of Crap on That

(Link):  Civil, Secular Authorities and Marriage and The Dippy Christian “Marriage Pledge” Preachers are Being Asked To Sign

(Link):  Why I Post Anonymously ( Part 2 – the John Hugh Morgan Fiasco )

(Link):  “Marriage is the closest you can come to being like Christ.” ~ says an obnoxious married Christian man to an unmarried woman

(Link):  Regnerus’ Misplaced Blame – Blame the Wimmins! Common male refrain, even from Christian men

(Link): Celibacy is Not Just for Homosexuals or Roman Catholic Priests / and a critique of a post at another blog

(Link): Sexual Equality, Sexual Decadence: The Emerging Menace of Female Predators – from The Other McCain – Also quotes feminists as saying Virginity Invalidates Lesbianism and is Hence a Terrible Concept

(Link):  The Contemporary Church Undervalues Celibacy / Virginity