A #MeToo Divorce Debate in the Philippines by James Hookway

A #MeToo Divorce Debate in the Philippines by James Hookway

(Link): A #MeToo Divorce Debate in the Philippines by James Hookway

Excerpts:

April 27, 2018

When the tiny island nation of Malta voted to allow divorce in 2011, Melody Alan realized that her own strongly Catholic country, the Philippines, was the only one left in the world without that right (aside from the Vatican).

Last fall, as the #MeToo movement began to ripple out from the U.S., she and fellow advocates for divorce seized the moment and tried to recast the debate.

Ms Alan’s own husband left her and their two children for another woman in 2010. He offered to support an annulment of their marriage (an elaborate court or church procedure) but only if she would pay the entire cost – more than a year’s worth of her schoolteacher’s salary.

“I wanted to be free of him and call myself a free woman, but I couldn’t,” she told legislators in February, when a parade of women appeared before a committee of the country’s House of Representatives. Some recounted abuse at the hands of their husbands, abandonment to a life of poverty and single motherhood with no chance of remarriage.

Last month, a divorce bill cleared the House of Representatives for the first time. …

Continue reading “A #MeToo Divorce Debate in the Philippines by James Hookway”

Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

Holy guacamole did I ever find a post by a Christian guy who really knows how to slam never-married or “single again” adults.

I was astounded by parts of this guy’s post.

I almost re-tweeted a link to his blog post about divorce from my Twitter page (I saw someone else share it on Twitter), thinking someone may find it helpful (judging from the title alone, it sounded like it might be a good page) but thankfully, I skimmed it first.

I left a reply under the guy’s post, and his blog says my post is awaiting moderation. Who knows if he will approve it to appear or not.

(August 2016 update: my comment on his blog, that I made in April 2016, is STILL tagged with the “awaiting moderation” comment on his blog. Unreal.)

I have copied in my reply farther below. I tried to be civil in my reply.

I’m going to try to be charitable here on my own blog: maybe this guy does not realize how deeply insulting his blog post is – the parts where he talks about divorced people or the never-married.

This guy should realize that upholding marriage or discouraging divorce does not necessitate INSULTING SINGLE PEOPLE.

You do not have to scare married people out of divorce by suggesting that all “single again” or never-married adults out there are great big, scary losers who have a lot of baggage, so if married people divorce, they won’t be able to find a great partner.

Continue reading “Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage”

Pedophiles Seeking Christian Wives in Churches – Another Reason to be Leery of the “Equally Yoked” Idea and Reconsider Church as a Place to Meet Singles

Pedophiles Seeking Christian Wives in Churches – Another Reason to be Leery of the “Equally Yoked” Idea and Reconsider Church as a Place to Meet Singles

I skimmed over this really long blog post, on Brent Detwiler’s site (link much farther below), about a guy, Caffery, who was jailed for pedophilia. Caffery has more than one victim, if I remember right.

Caffery wrote a book at one point claiming that belief in Christ changed his life for the better, and so on and so forth (amazingly, he was molesting kids while writing this book – during the same time frame).

Caffery also wrote (in a book or a letter to his church elders, I forget which) that he was afraid if his wife gave birth to a daughter, he would molest his own daughter, so he prayed and asked God for sons. His wife went on to give birth to all sons. (I think the blog post says he later had a daughter by his second wife.)

Let me pause here to say: if I were dating or engaged to a guy who told me this upfront, that he is afraid he might molest any kids we had together, I would take him at his word and dump his ass.

(I don’t know if the woman this guy married knew beforehand or not, I’m just saying if this happened to me, I would NOT stay with a guy who confessed such a thing to me.

Never, ever stay with a guy out of pity or a sense of duty – don’t feel sorry for Mr. “I might molest our kids if we have kids together” Pervert. Helping him or redeeming such a deviant is not your responsibility. Part of the reason I got sucked into my last disaster of an engagement was that I felt sorry for the guy.)

The part that really stood out to me in this blog post by DeWiler was when Caffery said after one wife divorced him, he went looking for a new wife at a large Christian church. I found this alarming and creepy.

Continue reading “Pedophiles Seeking Christian Wives in Churches – Another Reason to be Leery of the “Equally Yoked” Idea and Reconsider Church as a Place to Meet Singles”

Hypocrisy Alert: (Anti Virginity Proponent) Russell Moore to Pastors: Don’t Do Wedding Ceremonies for Couples Living in Sin

Hypocrisy Alert: (Anti Virginity Proponent) Russell Moore to Pastors: Don’t Do Wedding Ceremonies for Couples Living in Sin

This is the same Moore who (Link): attacks and ridicules adult Christian virgins for being virgins until marriage.

 So this doofus  has a hella lot of nerve lecturing Christian preachers about not performing Christians who are living in sexual sin.

Moore: you do not honor Christian adults who are Virgins who are waiting ’til marriage to have sex, (which is a very basic Christian sexual ethic), so how do you square away bad-mouthing and shaming Christian couples who may be “shacking up?”

You actually have, in the past, criticized and shamed singles who are living sexually pure life styles. You are being absolutely hypocritical here:

(Link): Russell Moore to Pastors: Don’t Do Wedding Ceremonies for Couples Living in Sin by S. Smith

Excerpts:

  • Leading Southern Baptist ethicist Russell Moore is encouraging pastors not to perform wedding ceremonies for couples who are not Christians and those who are living in sin simply because members of their families belong to their church or their congregation is pressuring them to do so.
  • Moore, who is the president of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission, spoke at a conference on “The Church and Sexuality” that was held at the First Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama, by the state’s Baptist and Southern Baptist leaders on Monday.
  • (Link): Alabama.com reports that Moore told the crowd of about 500 people that pastors cannot hold non believers and those already living in sin accountable to their wedding vows if they are already not living their lives by God’s design.
  • “You cannot marry anyone except believers and people under the authority of Jesus Christ,” Moore explained. “Unbelievers, you cannot hold accountable to their vows.”

Continue reading “Hypocrisy Alert: (Anti Virginity Proponent) Russell Moore to Pastors: Don’t Do Wedding Ceremonies for Couples Living in Sin”

Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity by K. Beckert

Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity by K. Becker

(Link): Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity

Excerpts:

  • … As a pastor who happens to be single right now, I think I can speak for the 45% of the U.S. population who is single right now and say it’s not an easy place to be.
  • … And some of us listen to the culture around us for advice on what to do with that desire. This culture echoes a duplicity of voices, of ways to “handle” singleness, and it shines at us on small screens and big screens.
  • … Marriage is marketed to us as a blissful, everlasting date – not as the covenant it’s supposed to be, but as an item on a shelf to be paid and bartered for. We fall in love with a wedding.

Continue reading “Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity by K. Beckert”

Christian, Family Values Vlogger – Austin Null – Caught Sexting

Christian, Family Values Vlogger – Austin Null – Caught Sexting

I think I first saw this story on Twitter, and it was later picked up by SCCL (“Stuff Christian Culture Likes”) Facebook group (they are discussing the story (Link): here)

Because of stories like this one, I’m really skeptical about the “be equally yoked” teaching that married Christians insist marriage-minded singles adhere to.

I would assume that both the husband and wife in this Null marriage are Christians – what on earth is the point in a Christian woman marrying a Christian, if the Christian husband turns around and does things like have affairs on the wife, sends nude photos of himself to other people online, and so on?

On a side note here, I’m perplexed at how and why so many “family values” Christians keep blaming things like secular feminism on the downfall of culture.

I don’t see how secular feminism bears the blame for this married Christian man sending nude photos of himself to a mistress. It seems to me that is his responsibility alone, not secular feminism, or the sexual revolution of the 1960s.

I also think this is a blow to the teaching about marriage and dating one sees from some Christians which goes like this: you have to become perfect or really godly to earn a spouse from God.

If God is permitting imperfect ass-clowns like this Null guy to have a wife – a guy who cheats on her by sending nudie photos of himself to strangers on the internet – I seriously doubt God sits about saying, “I refuse to send a spouse to this adult single over here for cutting someone off in traffic two weeks ago.”

Christians often like to tell teen aged kids that if they just wait until marriage to have sex, that the sex will be frequent and great. If married Christian sex is so great, why was this married Christian man getting his rocks off sending nudie photos of himself to someone else?

(Link):   Austin Null of The Nive Nulls ADMITS to CHEATING for FIVE Months!

  • Austin and Britt Null uploaded an impromptu vlog entitled, “WE NEED TO TALK”, on their YouTube channel–The Nive Nulls. Austin and Brit discuss nude images and video that has surfaced of Austin Null being inappropriate with several intimate household objects. Austin says this issue has been a big part of the both of their lives for one year!

Continue reading “Christian, Family Values Vlogger – Austin Null – Caught Sexting”

Marriage is Not A Cure For Pedophilia, Making a Joke of Marriage: Christian Preacher Marries A Known Pedophile To Young Woman, Pedophile Then Apparently Molests His Own Biological Infant Son By That Woman

Marriage is Not A Cure For Pedophilia, Making a Joke of Marriage: Christian Preacher Marries A Known Pedophile To Young Woman, Pedophile Then Apparently Molests His Own Biological Infant Son By That Woman

How many ways can Christians, many of whom claim to support traditional marriage, manage to undermine and make a mockery of it? Here’s one more way.

(Maybe I should come up with some kind of Bingo card for this.)

Doug Wilson, who is a preacher of his own church (Christ Church), married a known pedophile, Steven Sitler, to a young lady named Katie Travis. (This is the (Link): same Doug Wilson who believes that celibacy is impossible for adults.)

A news story was published a few days ago which explains that Sitler and Sitler’s wife, Katie, had a baby boy together, and Sitler apparently (if I am understanding the article correctly) sexually abused his own biological infant son.

Here is one link about that:

(Link):  Idaho sex offender allowed to return home with child

Excerpt:

  • September 2015
  • By Samantha Malott
    Moscow-Pullman Daily News
  • MOSCOW, Idaho — A Latah County 2nd District Court judge ordered Tuesday that a convicted sex offender, Steven Sitler, must continue to have an approved chaperone present, within his direct line of sight, at all times he is around his infant child in the wake of new disclosures of “contact resulting in actual sexual stimulation.”

The Free Jinger forum has some background information on all this:

And (more background):

Said Annie B Good in that thread:

  • What gets me is that he [Douglas Wilson] married this desperate girl [Katie Travis], who felt she was an old maid at 23, he’s barred from contact with children, and yet he [Sitler] may be going to father children with a woman he’s not attracted to. Just a total mess. Christ Church should be ashamed of the behavior of their so called leaders.

Continue reading “Marriage is Not A Cure For Pedophilia, Making a Joke of Marriage: Christian Preacher Marries A Known Pedophile To Young Woman, Pedophile Then Apparently Molests His Own Biological Infant Son By That Woman”

A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages

A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages 

Before we get to the post by J D Hall:

Background:

  • The Village Church (TVC) of Texas has placed Karen, who was once a member of theirs, under church discipline because she did not, according to them, abide by the church covenant she signed.
  • Instead of conferring with the church on what to do, Karen, on her own, sought an annulment from the state of Texas, once she discovered her then-spouse, Jordan, was a pedophile.
  • Karen said she spent about 50 days conferring with other Christians (not from the TVC), and in prayer, mulling over what to do, before seeking the annulment.
  • This action of hers has ticked off TVC leadership, because Karen did not get their permission to get the annulment.
  • Matt Chandler is the lead preacher of TVC.

You can read additional reporting of this situation here (additional material is at the bottom of this post):

Here is the page I am responding to:

(Link, off site): A Rational Response to the Criticism of Village Church  by  J D Hall, Pulpit and Pen blog

The covenant that Hall is so rigorously defending – TVC’s membership covenant – here does not even mention annulments.

As Karen explains (off site Link, Source):

  • …it is worth noting here that although The Village Church claims [in their e-mail] that “We see an annulment as a subcategory of what Scripture defines as a divorce in Mark 10:9” …, this cannot be found anywhere in their Membership Covenant or Bylaws.
  • In signing their Membership Covenant shortly after my 24th birthday, I had agreed to nothing in regards to the possibility of annulment should I come to realize that my marriage had been a complete sham from the beginning.
  • There is a vast difference between a divorce and a marriage that is voided on the grounds of fraud, and I had no way of knowing that the leadership of The Village Church would respond to it in this fashion.

Continue reading “A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages”

Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work

Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work

A recent post I made, along with a comment left under it by a regular blog visitor (hello mikewchair2165!) got me to thinking of something I’ve noticed or experienced myself when visiting other Christian forums or blogs.

The previous post I refer to was this one:

(Link): “When Your Dad Dates Your Boyfriends”

I had remarked in that blog post that using faith to get a spouse simply does not work. It did not work for me. I grew up in an evangelical, Southern Baptist family and church environ, and I listened to or watched a lot of TV sermons by evangelicals and other types of Christians on Christian TV. I also read a lot of Christian publications that sometimes had articles about dating and marriage.

So, from my youth and into my 20s, I was exposed to a lot of evangelical views, teachings, and advice about dating, gender roles, how to get a spouse, and so forth. The vast majority of material and teachings I was exposed to conveyed the idea that a single adult who desires marriage should be passive and “trust God” to send him or her a spouse.

This was usually taught as, you should just go about your daily life, attend a local church, but trust God to send Mr. Right into your life.

As I am not a man, I can’t gauge exactly what kinds of teachings evangelicals give men on these subjects and how often – I didn’t pay as much attention to the stuff being specifically directed at men on some topics (depending on what the topic is), because I’m not a dude.

However, from what little I do remember, about any time I have paid attention when Baptist or evangelical Christians were telling single males how to get a wife, they usually stressed that the man should be very active, and go out trying to find a date.

Christians usually tell the men to get off their duffs and look for a wife because “he who finds a wife finds a good thing” (which is quoting some Bible verse). But, there was also a strain of teaching given to men, which is quite similar to what we women were taught, of, “Just pray and trust God, and God will send a suitable partner across your path, no effort is required on your part, effort shows  you are not trusting God.”

So I suppose some Baptist or evangelical men are also given the message that getting married is a very passive endeavor, with no effort on their part, it’s all up to God, which is also what Christian women are taught from the time they are girls.

As I am a lady, I will explain things from the woman’s view.

If you are an unmarried man (especially one who is over 30 years of age) who was brought up in a Baptist or evangelical church or family, you can weigh in and explain your experience in the comments below, how this stuff is taught to men, to give any visitors a more informed view, if you like.

The advice I heard from Christians growing up, on how and when to marry, (and all this was usually depicted as being “biblical” or “Bible based” advice, so of course if you are a sincere Christian, you want to do what is “biblical” and “pleasing to God”) is that you have to do X, Y, and Z, to get a spouse.

Sometimes, doing “X, Y, and Z” was presented as necessary, otherwise God would punish you by refusing to send you a husband.

That is, God will not send a godly, Christian husband to a woman, unless she does “X, Y, Z” and avoids doing “A, B, and C.” The particular advice here can vary.

Sometimes Christian advice about dating, marriage, and other issues is contradictory.

For example, because so many Christians are paranoid and fearful or despise secular feminism, they will tell Christian single women,

“Do not be too independent. That will turn off men. You have to make the man feel as though you NEED him.”

On the other hand, Christians will tell single Christian women, “Don’t be TOO dependent on a man. You have to be independent, because being too dependent will turn a man off, you will be seen as too needy or clingy.”

So, the conflicting message to Christian single women is:

  • Be independent, but at the same time, do not be independent.

In the physical appearance department, single Christian women are told: be pretty, but do not be pretty. We are told these conflicting messages:

  • Men are visually oriented, so you must be thin and pretty to attract and keep a man. But, do not be pretty, lest you cause a brother in Christ to stumble and make him lust, and, remember, God loves you for your heart.

If I thought about it long enough, I could go on with other examples that are double standards, contradictions, and impossible to follow.

One teaching that is fairly consistent: Christians either out right say or imply that virginity is necessary for a Christian woman to get married. (I seldom to never hear Christians stress male virginity is necessary for a Christian man to “earn” a spouse.)

We women are told, or it is implied, God will not send a loving, nice, financially stable, Christian husband to a fornicator, so you best keep the skirt down and the legs together.

Never mind that over the years I have seen so many testimonies (on Christian shows!) of women who admit they slept around for decades, even working as call girls or strippers, even knowing it was sin, yet they later married a nice, Christian, middle class husband.

Anyway, other Christians may add other supposed qualities a Christian woman must possess before God will “permit her” to marry, or to “reward her with” a husband. Some Christians may tell a woman to “seek God first,” or “be content in God” before God will send you a spouse.

Other Christians will include all that stuff, or simply advise you to “trust in the Lord,” or “pray regularly for a spouse” or “have faith and believe, and it will come to pass in God’s timing.”

Some will tell a woman that she must pray regularly, read her Bible often, and volunteer at a charity.

Here’s the problem: you can sincerely follow all this supposed “godly” or “Bible based” advice on how to get a mate and still end up being single.

I know I followed all the advice and have never married, and I am over the age of 40 now.

When I began picking up on this around my mid or late 30s, and I started posting concerns, questions, and comments about these subjects on other Christian forums, blogs, and sites years ago, nobody had an answer.

A few people were sympathetic. They told me they were in a similar position.

However, more often than not, when I would point out,

  • “I don’t get it. I had faith. I went to church, I trusted God, I read my Bible, lived a clean life style, truly believed God would provide, and I’m still a virgin. I did all the things I was told to do by Christians to get a spouse, but I am still single. What is going on, I don’t understand?” –

instead of receiving compassion and sympathy, which is the response I should have received, or else, I should have received serious responses to my issue, I would instead get shamed, criticized, attacked by both married and single Christians. Continue reading “Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work”

According to Some Christians, Russell Moore Drops Ball on how Christians Should Respond to Homosexual Marriage

According to Some Christians, Russell Moore Drops Ball on how Christians Should Respond to Homosexual Marriage

From the description of Hour 1 of Janet Mefferd’s radio program (LINK):

  • And Dr. Russell Moore, president of the Southern Baptist Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission, has come under fire for saying government employees who have religious objections to so-called same-sex marriage should resign, rather than stand against an unjust law imposed upon their states. But is that even the right American response, based upon our history and constitutional framework? Paul Blair, chairman of Reclaiming America for Christ, has written an open-letter response to Moore and joins Janet to offer his thoughts.

(Link): Southern Baptist ethicist says Alabama judges must uphold gay marriage law or resign

  • by W Hall
  • NASHVILLE, Tenn. (Christian Examiner) — The head of the Southern Baptist Convention’s public policy arm says Alabama judges who in good conscience cannot issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, should resign instead of fighting the law while in office.
  • Russell D. Moore, president of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission and no relation to Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore, was (Link): quoted in the Baptist Press, the SBC’s official news service, as being in conflict with approximately 44 of 67 Alabama probate judges who have refused to issue marriage licenses to gay couples. These jurists are acting in defiance of an order by U.S. District Court Judge Callie Granade who invalidated an Alabama constitutional amendment, passed by 81 percent of voters, defining marriage in the state as only between one man and one woman.
  • ….RUSSELL MOORE
  • Russell Moore, a national official charged with representing Southern Baptists’ beliefs with regard to culture and public policy, told Baptist Press any judge who “could not discharge the duties of his office required by law” because of objections of conscience “would need to resign and protest it as a citizen.”

    He said that there is a role for civil disobedience, but not for “judges and state Supreme Court justices … in their roles as agents of the state.”

  • …BIBLICAL GUIDANCE
  • Russell Moore cited familiar biblical passages to justify his position that Chief Justice Roy Moore and the defiant probate judges are wrong.

    “As citizens and as Christians, our response should be one of both conviction and of respect for the rule of law (1 Peter 2:13; Romans 13). Our system of government does not allow a state to defy the law of the land,” Russell Moore wrote, according to Baptist Press.

    “Religious freedom and conscience objections must be balanced with a state’s obligation to discharge the law,” the Southern Baptists’ ethicist said.

  • …OTHER VIEWS OF SCRIPTURE
  • Others have a different take than Russell Moore on the biblical responsibilities of Christian judges facing objections of conscience.

    Southern Baptist Rick Burgess, an overwhelmingly popular Christian radio personality throughout the South and an Alabama native, sent a strongly worded tweet to encourage probate judges who “claim to follow Christ” to “make a stand and refuse to sign same-sex marriage licenses.”

If you will recall, homosexuality is not a topic I care to discuss at my blog. I only bring it up sometimes if it intersects with heterosexual celibacy and singleness or something of that nature.

Russell Moore is a well known putz and leader of SBC’s ethics group. He has, in the past, screwed the pooch on hetero virginity.

Now it appears he is being criticized by some evangelicals for how he feels Christians should handle homosexual marriage.

Given that Moore is a doofus putz concerning hetero sexual sin and purity, don’t be surprised that (from the standard evangelical view) he’s mis-handling homosexuality as well.

Sex is Not the Primary or Only Basis of Marriage – Rape Victims / Asexuals / Bestiality ~ Zoophilia / Sexless Marriages / Park Bans Single Men -AND- Single Women – Rebuttal to Blogger John Morgan

Sex is Not the Primary or Only Basis of Marriage – Rape Victims / Asexuals / Bestiality ~ Zoophilia / Sexless Marriages / Park Bans Single Men -AND- Single Women – Rebuttal to Blogger John Morgan 

I actually already addressed this briefly in an older post from a few days ago, but I really feel this needs its own post.

That guy who used to post to this blog, who has his own blog about Christianity and celibacy (his name is John Morgan, and he blogs (Link): here), who I banned from my blog several months ago, keeps asserting in some of his recent blog posts that two people having sex (which he limits to a man having sex with a woman, if I am understanding his views correctly) constitutes marriage.

Here are some of the posts where he equates having sex to being married:

I disagree, for a few different reasons, but right off I want to say that this teaching can be damaging to sexual assault victims.

Do you really expect me to believe that a woman who is raped by a man makes the two married, and particularly in our day and age?

We are living in the year 2015 in the United States.

We are not living in the same setting and time in which the Old Testament was written, a patriarchal, Middle Eastern culture of 5,000 or 2,000 BC, when women had few rights and we’re looking to keep the family tree pure to be able to trace the Messiah.

Women today are simply not expected to marry their rapists, if they are raped.

One of my family members was raped prior to the age of ten by another family member of hers.

I had an online friend for a few years who is about the same age as me. She confided with me that she has never had consensual sex (she is waiting until marriage for sex), but she was raped by one of her uncles when she was a teen.

While I realize that rape is considered less about sex than it is about power and control on the part of the rapist, it still involves a man placing his penis in a woman’s vagina, or possibly other sex acts.

For John Morgan to run around insisting that sexual intercourse between two people is the basis for marriage is troubling and insensitive – because not everyone who engages in this is doing so of his or her own choice or volition.

In some parts of the world, little girls (and sometimes boys) are sold into the human sex trafficking business, where they are forced to have sex with adults all day. Don’t tell me these horribly abused little kids are “married” to their “clients,” that is deranged and sick.

There are some marriages – like with asexuals – where the marriage is not consummated. There are also marriages that become “sexless” after so many months or years because one or both partners have mental or physical health problems.

Paul in the New Testament tells Christians not to step too far out of bounds with whatever culture they are living in, because it could cause harm to the testimony of the faith.

That is, if you are needlessly refusing to go along with culture on some disputable matter or another – say, for example, riding a plaid ostrich to work, when all other Americans are riding horses to work, and the horse-riders think you a fool or odd-ball for riding an ostrich- you are making all Christians and the Gospel by association look like wacko, weirdo, fruit cakes, and Paul said to Knock That Off.

Paul was saying if something is not explicitly spelled out in the Bible, if God does not condemn it, such as what mode of transportation to take, he said, go ahead and ride a horse in your culture, if that is what all your neighbors are using. Don’t be an ass and go against the grain.

You can argue, well, there is a single verse in the Old Testament that says some guy rode an ostrich to his job. Okay, but unless that verse specifically said, “Thus saith the LORD, I hate humans riding horses and forbid all believers from riding horses for all time,” don’t assume that the ostrich thing is a prescriptive for Americans in the year 2015.

Ditto on the how to get married angle.

The Old Testament is chock full of kings having 300 or more concubines, or 20 wives. Abraham had sex with his handmaiden as well as with his wife Sarah, and rapists were commanded to marry their rape victims. Do you really want Americans in 2015 emulating those types of marriages?

Just because Adam and Eve in the Garden as mentioned in the book of Genesis did not have to go to a courthouse and sign papers to make things legal with a government in Year One B.C. does not mean that Christians in 2015 can or should disregard going through governmental channels and get a marriage license.

Adam and Eve were under the direct supervision with God prior to the fall. As an American today, I don’t have that face to face contact with God. So I cannot get God to validate a marriage of mine.

My parents were very old fashioned, traditional, Christian people.

My parents always said that when two people live together – when a man and woman live under the same roof, are having sex with one another, they do not go to the courthouse, don’t sign on the legal papers – they are not married, they are “shacking up.” This was regarded as a sin by them and many other Christians for the past few decades.

If an American couple in 2015 is living together and having sex without the government license that recognizes their union as being a marriage, they are NOT MARRIED.

(There is such a thing as common law marriage, but that is neither here nor there.)

The sex act alone is not sufficient to say a couple is “married.”  ~ Not in the USA in the year 2015.

For all the couples who are married but asexual (there is no sexual intercourse), they are still married. They would probably be pretty offended for John Morgan to insist their marriage is not really a marriage because of absence of sex.

What if a husband who is serving in the Marines gets deployed to serve in Afghanistan and hence is not having sex with his wife for a year or more? Does their marriage cease to be a marriage just because there’s no sex?

What if the husband gets into an auto accident, and remains a vegetable or very brain damaged, is like an infant, until he dies five years later (this actually happened to an aunt of mine)?

Are you going to tell me that because there is no longer any sex in that marriage it suddenly makes it a non-marriage? What bunk.

How does John Morgan define “sex,” anyway?

Many Christians cannot even agree on what constitutes sex.

Many evangelicals, who are brought up in “purity culture,” are taught that only penis-in-the-vagina action is “sex,” so, to get around this limitation, they engage in anal sex, oral sex, petting prior to marriage – the get involved in anything and everything short of P in V sex.

You have lesbians who get angry at Christians over discussing the importance of virginity (seriously, yes, see this old post), because, they recognize that many Christians define sex as being only or predominantly “penis-in-the-vagina action,” which lifelong lesbian women may never experience, yet, those lesbian women are performing oral sex on each other, or what have you.

From the lesbian perspective, from what I’ve read, they consider oral sex or scissoring, or whatever else, to be equally valid to P in V sex.

So, these lesbians are having sex with each other – but according to John Morgan, that means these women are “married” to each other. (Or is he going to define sex to mean only P in the V?)

Yet Morgan seems to feel that “homosexual marriage” is not “real,” and he also (and this is very strange) feels that celibacy is only for HETERO-sexuals (see this post for more on that). He definitely believes that (Link): Are Homosexual Thoughts Sinful [Yes, he says] .

Er… according to Morgan, homosexual thoughts are sinful, but homosexuals should not practice celibacy? His views are really mixed up.

In the Gospels, Jesus said to even “look at in lust” another person was seen as God as being as wrong as actually having sex with that person….

Does that mean every time a person fantasizes about “doing the nasty” with their favorite celebrity or their crush (that is, they just think about it, they don’t actually DO IT), they are “married” to that person? According to John Morgan logic, yes, but I don’t think so.

Are all the porn stars who have sex with each other for the sake of making a naughty movie, are they  “married” to each other, even in God’s eyes? I doubt it.

How about this pervert mentioned in an (Link): older blog post of mine: he sticks his penis into a horse’s vagina at least once a month and has sex with the horse, or sometimes performs oral sex on the horse.

Do you really expect me to believe God would think this sicko is “married” to that horse? And does the horse get a say in any of this?

If your only criteria as to what makes a marriage a marriage is Penis In the Vagina (or any other sex act), you really need to re-examine your views.

I don’t have the perfect all encompassing definition of marriage myself, but I know a true marriage when I see it, AND I think I know what IT IS NOT, and it’s not merely penis in the vagina activity. I think it takes more for one person to be married to another than sex.

As to this, in (Link): one of his posts,

Yeah, I blogged about that and tweeted about it weeks before he mentioned it there on his blog,

By the way, unless I overlooked it in the reporting, the stories said ALL single adults are banned, not just men. That would mean unaccompanied WOMEN singles are also barred.

Yep, the (Link): NY Daily News said,

  • A British theme park has banned unaccompanied adults from entry — in case they are pedophiles.Bosses at Puxton Park, in Somerset, forbid men and women from visiting the attraction on their own just in case they are child sex predators, reports the Western Daily Press. The rule came to light Thursday after a bird-watcher was barred from visiting a falconry display.

Why, one wonders, does Morgan keep laser focusing on MEN?

Morgan keeps painting this picture on his blog of celibate / single males having life ten times worse than celibate / single women. I don’t think so, bub. That article says unmarried men AND women are banned, NOT JUST MEN.

Do I think single men have life tough in some regards? Absolutely – especially in a Christian environment, where most Christians worship marriage.

However, I don’t think single men necessarily have life more difficult than single women. Women actually have it a bit worse because they are expected to reproduce and make babies. Men don’t get near as much pressure to reproduce.

Single men past the age of 40 are often called “confirmed bachelors,” while single women my age get more derogatory terms thrown their way, such as “spinster,” “crazy cat lady,” or “old maid.”

Women my age or older who desire marriage are often automatically (Link): pegged as “being desperate,” by some people, including Christians, but I don’t see men my age (or older) who want marriage get tarred with the same terminology or assumptions.

(But, I would say that older single men get pegged with the (Link): “You Must Be A Pedophile” view  more often than the single ladies do. Thank Dog that is one less stereotype I have to deal with.)

I still wonder if Morgan visits my blog or Twitter feed and takes material or story ideas? If he does, the polite thing to do is cite his source – in the blogging community, it’s common to give hat tips to one’s sources.

I also find it funny because Morgan thinks I am untrustworthy because I don’t give my real name. I’m trustworthy enough to take news story ideas from, apparently.  If you think I am untrustworthy please stop visiting my blog and/or Twitter and taking news links or story ideas from me!

But Morgan really, really needs to realize how much his equation of “Sex = Marriage” harms some people (such as rape victims), and it’s a view that makes no sense, and opens the door for homosexuals (the ones having sex with others of their own gender) to argue they can consider themselves “married.”

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Related posts:

(Link):  Blogger Guy John Hugh Morgan Who Accused Me Of Being Untrustworthy Finds My Blog Trustworthy Enough to Use as Resource

(Link): True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues – and a rebuttal to John Morgan’s comment on the page

(Link): Christian Double Standards on Celibacy – Hetero Singles Must Abstain from Sex but Not Homosexual Singles

(Link): Sex, Love & Celibacy by Dan Navin [written by a homosexual celibate]

(Link):  Virgin – and Celibate – Shaming : Christian Double Standards – Homosexuals Vs Hetero Singles – Concerning Thabiti Anyabwile and Gag Reflexes

(Link):  Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female? John Morgan Says Men Are, I Say He’s Full of Crap on That

(Link):  Civil, Secular Authorities and Marriage and The Dippy Christian “Marriage Pledge” Preachers are Being Asked To Sign

(Link):  Why I Post Anonymously ( Part 2 – the John Hugh Morgan Fiasco )

(Link):  “Marriage is the closest you can come to being like Christ.” ~ says an obnoxious married Christian man to an unmarried woman

(Link):  Regnerus’ Misplaced Blame – Blame the Wimmins! Common male refrain, even from Christian men

(Link): Celibacy is Not Just for Homosexuals or Roman Catholic Priests / and a critique of a post at another blog

(Link): Sexual Equality, Sexual Decadence: The Emerging Menace of Female Predators – from The Other McCain – Also quotes feminists as saying Virginity Invalidates Lesbianism and is Hence a Terrible Concept

(Link):  The Contemporary Church Undervalues Celibacy / Virginity

Hypocrisy Among Christians and how it leads some to question or leave the Christian faith

Hypocrisy Among Christians and how it leads some to question or leave the Christian faith

I have a few other topics or news stories I wanted to blog about today and the other day, but I find myself getting sidetracked to discuss these other issues. Maybe I’ll blog about the rest tomorrow or next weekend.

This topic is (for me anyhow) rather complex. I don’t want to spend a lot of time explaining it, but it’s one I’ve seen crop up recently on other sites or in my personal life, and this will probably be another one of my long posts. Even though I have other things I wanted to do today, like bake a batch of cookies.

Whether Christians like it or not, some Christians, including lifelong Christians such as myself, are either considering leaving the faith, or have done so already, and all because the hypocrisy they see in self professing Christians.

Continue reading “Hypocrisy Among Christians and how it leads some to question or leave the Christian faith”

Christians Can Never Agree On Anything – even minute, trivial stuff

Christians Can Never Agree On Anything – even minute, trivial stuff

Christians can almost never agree on anything.

And no, the Roman Catholics aren’t right, either, they have some screwed up theology, too.

The typical Roman Catholic response to “Protestants disagree a lot” is to say, “Hey, yeah, tell me something I don’t already know, but gosh golly, the RC is in total unity on everything, so convert to Catholicism” (and no, Roman Catholics are not in unity on everything, either, despite their claim to the contrary).

But anyway. This is one of many, many reasons I don’t really want to stay a Christian anymore.

Christians cannot agree on anything, whether big, important topics, or smaller ones, or anything inbetween.

Such as:

(Link): Why Making a New Year’s Resolution Is a Good Idea

  • BY RICK MCDANIEL, CP GUEST CONTRIBUTOR
  • January 2, 2015|10:49 am
  • The start of a new year is always an opportunity. It is a fresh beginning, a new chapter, another chance to get it right. Why would anyone not take advantage of such a moment? Some will say it is not good to make resolutions because no one ever keeps resolutions. But that is not true.
  • …John Norcross, professor at the University of Scranton, has written on change and is an expert on new year’s resolutions. He says that at the six-month period of a resolution, 40 percent of people are still keeping their resolutions. Furthermore, other research shows if you make the same resolution three years in a row, there is a high probability it will actually happen.

So McDaniel believes it’s a good idea for people to make NYR (New Years Resolutions), or, at the very least, it’s not wrong to make NYRs.

Edit, Jan 3, 2014, here is a new link I just found (John Piper is a preacher and Christian book author):

(Link): John Piper: Christians Should Make New Year’s Resolutions; God Wants to Fulfill Them

  • Preacher and teacher John Piper asked, “Should we make resolutions? Should we do this?” in a recent video on the DesiringGod.org website.
  • “The answer is a resounding yes indeed we should,” he answered. Piper went on to explain that Christians should make 2015 resolutions because God has the power to fulfill them and wants to do so for His and our glorification.

Compare that to some other story I saw on Christian sites the day before warning Christians NOT to make New Year’s resolutions, such as….

(Link): Billy Graham’s grandson warns against New Year’s resolutions 

(Link):  Tullian Tchividjian on How New Year’s Resolutions Can Be Spiritually Damaging

(Link):  Tullian Tchividjian on How New Year’s Resolutions Can Be Spiritually Damaging

  • TT: When it’s up to you to go out and get the love you crave, create your own worth, or work at becoming acceptable to those you want to impress, life gets heavy.
  • New Year’s Resolutions are a burdening attempt to fix ourselves and make ourselves more lovable. But here’s the good news: God loves us as we are, not as we should be.

This Christian disagreement over New Years resolutions reminds me of all the food news over the years.

When I was in my 20s, I heard the news report that scientists and nutritionists tell the public NOT to eat apples, because apples have Alar on them.

Then they said Eggs are bad for  you, so don’t eat eggs.

They also said butter and fats are bad for your weight, so avoid those, but bread was OK.

Since that time, they have totally reversed course, and I now see news reports saying Eggs are good for you, low fat is BAD, bread is BAD, and apples are safe to eat.

It’s so bad – the contradictions about diet and food that come out every few years – that I now totally ignore what the scientists, nutritionists, and doctors say and eat whatever I want.

One minute, the scientists are saying, “Don’t eat X, X is bad for you” but then two years later, they say to the public, “We were wrong about X, we now believe X is safe to eat and even good for you.”

It’s the same thing in Christianity, or very similar.

If you ask ten different Christians for their opinion on topic “X,” especially if it’s a topic about morality or biblical interpretation or doctrine, you will get ten different answers.

If nobody who claims Christ can agree on much of the faith or the Bible, what is the point?

They all have their different interpretations. They each insist THEIR interpretation is the only RIGHT, CORRECT one.

Then you have the problem of evil and suffering caused by self professing Christians who use and twist the Bible, or pluck Bible verses out of context, to mistreat other people – and some of these people sincerely think they are doing the right thing, or are following God; they do not honestly believe they are hurting anyone else with their (mis)understanding of the Scriptures.

Even if the Bible is truly the Word of God, much abuse has been done from that same book by people who sincerely think they are doing as it says.

——————————

Related posts:

(Link): Christians Who Take the Bible Literally Cannot Agree On Much of Anything 

(Link): More Musings about Applicability of the Old Testament, Via One Man’s Testimony About Jeremiah 29:11

(Link): Christians Once Again Trying to Explain Who The Bible’s Promises Are For – TGC Article

(Link):  Christians Who Can’t Agree on Who The Old Testament Is For and When or If It Applies

(Link):   Does God’s Plan to Do You No Harm, Prosper You, And Give You Hope and A Future Involve You Dying In a Fiery Plane Crash? Regarding Jeremiah 29:11 and Its Application

(Link): Blaming the Christian for His or Her Own Problem or Unanswered Prayer / Christian Codependency

Statistics Show Single Adults Now Outnumber Married Adults in the United States (as of 2014)

Statistics Show Single Adults Now Outnumber Married Adults in the United States

And yet most American Christians either keep ignoring single adults or behaving as though it’s still 1954 and everyone is married with a kid at home. And they actually wonder why they are losing members in their churches and denominations?

It is no longer the “norm” to be married in the United States. The Christian paradigm that God supposedly “calls most people to marriage and not singleness because adult singleness is rare” is FALSE in American culture. FALSE FALSE FALSE.

The Bible never said that “marriage is the norm” or that God calls few to singleness, – those were merely ASSUMPTIONS preachers kept making for decades.

If I were to argue like most preachers and conservative Christians, I would say:

Now that the MAJORITY of the population is SINGLE, that obviously means “God calls most to singleness, and the “gift of marriage” is RARE.”

(Link):  Statistics show more Americans are single than married

  • SEPTEMBER 9, 2014, BY HANNAH WARD
  • Single Americans make up more than half of the adult population for the first time since the government began keeping track of those statistics in 1976.In total, 124.6 million Americans were single in August–50.2 percent of those singles were 16 years or older, according to data used by the Bureau of Labor Statistics in its monthly job-market report. That percentage had been hovering just below 50 percent since around the beginning of 2013 before edging above it in July and August.
  • In 1976, singles accounted for 37.4 percent and has been trending upward since.

(Link):  Single adults now outnumber married adults

  • by David Li
  • Sept 9, 2014
  • It’s official — we’ve become the United Singles of America!
  • Unmarried American adults outnumber their married counterparts for the first time since the federal government began tracking that data in 1976, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
  • There were 124.6 million single Americans in August, accounting for 50.2 percent of the 16-and-over US population, BLS data showed.
  • That number has been hovering just below the 50 percent mark since 2013, before finally getting over the majority hurdle this summer.
  • Back in 1976, the unmarried crowd accounted for 37.4 percent of the adult population and it’s been trending upward ever since.
  • Unmarried adults split about 3-to-2 in favor of those who have never walked down the aisle (30.4 percent) compared to divorcees, widows and widowers (19.8 percent). In 1976, those figures were closer at 22.1 percent and 15.3 percent, respectively.

(Link):  Single Americans now more than half adult US population

  • Sept 10, 2014
  • Washington: Single Americans make up more than half of the adult US population for the first time since the government began compiling such statistics in 1976.
  • Some 124.6 million Americans were single in August, 50.2 per cent of those who were 16 years or older, according to data used by the Bureau of Labor Statistics in its monthly job-market report. That percentage had been hovering just below 50 per cent since about the beginning of 2013, before edging above it in July and August. In 1976, it was 37.4 per cent and has been trending upward since.
  • In a report to clients entitled Selfies, economist Edward Yardeni flagged the increase in the proportion of singles to more than 50 per cent, calling it “remarkable”. The president of Yardeni Research in New York said the rise has “implications for our economy, society and politics”.
  • Singles, particularly younger ones, are more likely to rent than to own their dwellings. Never-married young singles are less likely to have children and previously married older ones, many of whom have adult children, are unlikely to have young kids, Mr Yardeni wrote. That will influence how much money they spend and what they buy.

(Link):  Single Americans become majority for first time

  • More people in the United States are apparently leaving wedding rings sitting in jewelry stores, as new data shows a majority of American adults are now single.
  • Specifically, about 50.2 percent of American adults over the age of 16 – roughly 124.6 million people – were single in August, according to a new Bureau of Labor Statistics report cited by Bloomberg. This marks the first time that single Americans make up the majority of the adult population since the government began tracking the data 38 years ago.
  • In 1976, single Americans made up 37.4 percent of the adult population. The number of individuals who have never been married also rose to 30.4 percent, up notably from 22.1 more than three decades ago. Divorced Americans, meanwhile, now compose 19.8 percent of the population, compared to 15.3 percent in 1976.

(Link):  For First Time, More Singles In U.S. Than Married Couples

  • By John Dodge
  • CHICAGO (CBS) —  For the first time, there are more single people in the United States and married people, according to a new research report.
  • The government first began gathering information on marital status in 1976, when 37.4 percent of the population was single,  which included those who were never married and divorced,
  • A report by financial researcher Ed Yardeni found that in August singles for the first time topped 50 percent of the population 16 and older.
  • Of the 248.2 million people in the U.S. who are 16 and older, 124,6 are single, compared with 123.6 who are married.

___________________

Related posts:

(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy”

(Link):  Research: Being Single [or Fear of Being Single] is a Meaningful Predictor of Settling for Less in Relationships

(Link):  Christianity Should Be Able To Work Regardless of Culture, Childed or Marital Status / Article: Unlike in the 1950s, there is no ‘typical’ U.S. family today by B. Shulte

(Link):  Preacher: ‘They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Hot SEX Lives’ – and once more, never-married celibate adults and their experiences, wisdom, and input are ignored

(Link): Pew for One: How Is the Church Responding to Growing Number of Singles? by S. Hamaker

(Link):  Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

(Link): Otherhood – An overlooked demographic – the Childless and Childfree Women and Singles Especially Women Who Had Hoped to Marry and Have Kids But Never Met Mr. Right (links)

(Link): Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate Shaming

(Link): “Because I was single I felt second class.”-by Chandin, former Mars Hill member & single, on Mars Hill church

(Link): Is Singleness A Sin? by Camerin Courtney

(Link): *They’re Married?!?* (Part 3) Does God Require Singles to Be Perfect Before He Will Send Them a Spouse

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): Typical Incorrect Conservative Christian Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough, Mr. Right will magically appear

(Link):  Candice Watters and Boundless Blog Gets It Wrong / Christian prolonged singlehood singleness singles ignored

(Link): ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles by Bella DePaulo

(Link): Another Too Long, Too Strict Suitor List by a Christian That Will Keep A Single Single Forever: “The Man Who Will Marry My Daughter” by Tony Miano

(Link): The Obligatory, “Oh, but if you’re single you can still benefit from my marriage sermon” line

Republicans And Women: Single Women Vote Democratic Because They Wish They Were Married, Pundit Says

Republicans And Women: Single Women Vote Democratic Because They Wish They Were Married, Pundit Says

Skimming this article over, I think it gets a few things wrong, but he may be right about one or two things.

This is one of those times I’m not firmly on either side. I think the liberal lady who responded to this guy’s editorial (which I link to farther below) made some good points, but I feel he made some good points, too. I feel she maybe got a few points wrong, but he did too.

(Link): Republicans And Women: Single Women Vote Democratic Because They Wish They Were Married, Pundit Says

I happen to be a woman, single, want to get married, but I never vote Democrat. I’m a Republican.

There were a few other comments or assumptions this guy made that struck me as strange.

His assumption that single women want to get married is highly novel.

Why do I say that? Because most of the time, my fellow right wingers assume that the reason women are single into adulthood is that they are all men-hating, leftist feminists who hate marriage, do not want marriage, and prefer focusing on their career over getting married.

There may be some women who want to stay single, or who place a career before marriage, but I don’t think that is true of most women, but it is an assumption I see time and again by Republicans and conservatives, and by Christians.

Some of this guy’s (Reno’s) views about women, why they feel as they do, or why they are not married, and a host of other things is condescending in some parts.

Recall again that I myself am a Republican. I doubt I will ever agree with most Democratic positions on much of anything, but this does not mean I always agree with every last position stated or held by other Republicans.

I don’t know about the Republican Party, but – I do think more Christian churches should serve as match-making vehicles for adult singles who want mates, the ones who would welcome the help. An adult’s single’s basic choices for meeting someone past the age of 30, boil down to

  • 1. friends 2. dating sites 3. bars and nightclubs.

I never had a huge network of friends, so option 1 never worked for me. My adult single female friends would ask me to fix them up on blind dates with men, but I told them I didn’t know any, or I knew the same ones they already knew.

As for 2, that is not successful. Most of the Christian men who are on dating sites are crass morons. As for 3, bars have always seemed sleazy to me, especially during my time as a devout Christian. So. Churches need to fill this gap and start playing match maker for singles who are interested.

I’m not sure about overall American population, but based on about every survey, poll, and article I’ve read about evangelical/Baptist adult singles in the past five or so years, the reason why adult women are staying single boils down to a numbers game: the single, Christian females vastly out number the single, Christian males.

One article I saw said that the reason singles aren’t marrying is due to economic factors – young males are having a hard time finding steady employment and don’t feel they can marry without a steady paycheck.

(Link): This post at my blog also quotes a writer who mentions the phenomenon.

This post also covers it: (Link): Over 10 Million Men of Prime Working Age Are Unemployed in the US and Experts Think It’s Causing Declining Marriage Rates

The author, R R Reno, who blames liberals in part for why women who want marriage are remaining single, should be fair and acknowledge that conservative Christians also play a role in keeping women single, the ones who want marriage.

As you already are aware from this blog, and reading what other singles have to say, Christians encourage adults singles over the age of 30 to remain single and actively discourage or block singles from getting spouses.

On the one hand, Christians gripe and complain about singles being single, but when Christian singles take steps to get married, such as asking married friends to pray for God to send them a mate, or when they ask church friends to set them up on blind dates, they get patronizing lectures consisting of unbiblical attitudes such as,

  • “be happy where you are,” ‘the Lord is your husband, don’t bother dating,” “don’t try to get married; if it’s in God’s will, he will send Mr. Right to you,” and “be content in your singleness,” and “if you are still past age X, it means God has called you to a life of singlehood.”

With attitudes such as those, conservative Christians are keeping adult singles single. They are acting as barriers to Christians who wish to be married; it’s not just liberal Democrats who may be at fault, it’s right wingers, as well.

(Link): Republicans And Women: Single Women Vote Democratic Because They Wish They Were Married, Pundit Says

  • Winning the women’s vote has been (Link): an acknowledged problem for Republicans in recent elections, and one conservative pundit believes he has the way to fix it — namely, “reinforce the authority of traditional culture.”
  • R.R. Reno, editor of (Link):  the online political journal First Things, published his essay, “The Dilemma Facing Social Conservatives” on Thursday, in which he argues that the the typical unmarried woman who voted for Barack Obama in 2012 and tends to vote Democratic in most elections, simply “wants to get married and feels vulnerable because she isn’t and vulnerable because she’s not confident she can.”
  • The reason such women reject Republican candidates, Reno says, is that they feel “judged” by Republicans, who oppose same sex marriage. Because Republicans advocate banning all marriages other than those involving heterosexual couples, Reno’s hypothetically typical unmarried woman feels that the GOP is telling her that “her life isn’t on the right path.”

Continue reading “Republicans And Women: Single Women Vote Democratic Because They Wish They Were Married, Pundit Says”

Southern Baptists Pushing Early Marriage, Baby Making – Iranians Pushing Mandatory Motherhood – When Christians Sound Like Muslims

Southern Baptists Pushing Early Marriage, Baby Making – Iranians Pushing Mandatory Motherhood – When Christians Sound Like Muslims

I first saw mention of this via (Link): Defend The Sheep’s Twitter feed (Julie Anne of SSB blog).

From The Christian Post, August 20, 2014:
(Link): Southern Baptist Leaders: Christians Should Make Themselves ‘Marry-able’ Younger

And today, I saw this on my Twitter (via a Childfree account I follow, (Link): Childfree Agent):
(Link): Iran’s Plan for Population Growth: Mandate Motherhood

I have blogged before (see links at bottom under “related posts”) about the conservative Christian concern that Christians are not marrying at all, or not until later in life – but their real fear seems to be that Christians are not reproducing – and at that because they are afraid the Non Christians will “out breed” them.

Some of them may also be adhering to this unbiblical notion that America’s morality can be restored only if Christians adhere to strict gender role views, which includes the very unbiblical idea at woman’s only godly, or most high calling, is to marry and have babies.

I should pause here to mention a few other things.

First of all, most Christians seem oblivious to the fact that most Christians are not marrying, or not until they are age 30 or older. The fact that there are many Christian women who want marriage but who cannot find a mate well into their 40s and thus remaining single against their hopes is eluding most of them.

Secondly, some conservative Christians are honestly unaware that other Christians are advocating early marriage, such as radio host Janet Mefferd – see this previous blog post of mine, (Link): Mefferd Guest Focus on the Family Spokesperson Stanton Incredulous that Preachers Push Kids To Marry Early.

If I remember her reaction correctly, and her male guest’s, I think Mefferd and her guest both thought the idea of pushing kids to marry before college (or during) was a very strange one, or legalistic – but yet, yes, some Christians are in fact guilting or lecturing young Christians to marry prior to their 25th birthday, and they’ve been on this kick for at least the past 3 or 4 years now, maybe a bit longer.

If self-professing Christians are repeating some of the same doctrines or views of Non-Christian groups, this ought to give them strong pause. Here you have a predominantly Muslim nation, Iran, mandating motherhood, and a lot of evangelical Christians and Baptists doing the same thing to American Christian women.

If you think the salvation of America or individual souls or the church relies upon whether or not American Christians marry and have babies, you are following Islam. You are not following Christianity.

The propaganda of “Marry and make babies to save the world, save the church, and to lead people to Christ” is not the Gospel.

Continue reading “Southern Baptists Pushing Early Marriage, Baby Making – Iranians Pushing Mandatory Motherhood – When Christians Sound Like Muslims”

Another cruddy Christian “Have We Made an Idol Out of Sexual Purity?” editorial (this time, from Relevant magazine) – And An Analogy For Married Christians Who Don’t Get It

Another cruddy Christian “Have We Made an Idol Out of Sexual Purity?” editorial (this time, from Relevant magazine) – And An Analogy For Married Christians Who Don’t Get It

The analogy is way, way down the page. I might put it in a separate post in the future.

First, a word about terminology. This is a somewhat minor point I make in passing, but it’s recurrent on various Christian blogs I visit, it drives me nuts, so I wanted to point it out.

Other Christians are very confused about the phrase “sexual purity.” They want to argue that “sexual purity” is not the same thing as “virginity,” but in articles like this one I link to below, they go on to equate “sexual purity” to virginity themselves.

The lady who wrote the following insists that sexual purity is not the same thing as virginity, or should not be thought of as such, but then says that you are not damaged goods, or your sexual purity is not lost, over a single act (ie, having sex, ie, which is defined as, or understood as, losing your virginity prior to marriage).

So… authors like this one argues ( the symbol != is computer coding / scripting language for “is not equal to”),

sexual purity != virginity
But that
sexual purity = virginity

Christian authors who are trying to say that virginity is not all that important in the end scheme of things cannot themselves even stay consistent on the point of whether or not to consider
virginity = sexual purity (or as a sub-set of).

They flip flop on this point a lot. If you don’t believe that sexual purity = virginity, why bother lovingly patting the heads of fornicators to reassure them that losing one’s virginity before marriage is nothing to feel ashamed about?

Why not just write a big old editorial denying that sexual purity is the same thing as staying a virgin until marriage, or why not try to argue that the Bible does not prohibit pre-marital boinking?

The link to the odious editorial by a Christian publication (I have additional comments below the long excerpt):
(Link): Have We Made an Idol Out of Sexual Purity? Why purity is so much more than virginity. BY DEBRA K FILETA

Excerpts:

If you grew up in church, you’ve likely heard one of these horrific analogies somewhere along the way:

Your sexual purity, once it’s given away is like…

“Tape that’s lost it’s stickiness.”

“Paper that’s been torn.”

“Gum that’s been chewed.”

“A gift that’s been unwrapped.”

While I get the mentality behind these messages, my problem with these analogies, and in fact, this entire discussion, is that it presents “purity” as a one-dimensional physical act.

First you have it, then you don’t. Vanished. Gone. Over. Done with. In a blink of an eye, the prospect of being “pure” and holy has been wiped away.

This mentality is so dangerous because it fools us into believing that our entire worth as believers and as “eligible” bachelors/bachelorettes is wrapped up on this one, single part of who we are.

Please don’t misunderstand, I believe it is important to honor God with our bodies, but since when did our holiness have anything to do with who we are, instead of everything to do with who Christ is?

— end article excerpts—

I left a few comments on that page, including:

christianpundit commented…

No, Christians have not made an idol out of sexual purity, not even when using analogies about chewed up gum and so forth. I’m over 40 years of age, still a virgin, because I was waiting until marriage to have sex but am still single.

In the past several years, Christians (seemingly influenced by secular feminists and “slut shaming” rhetoric) have been criticizing virginity, virgins, and celibacy and mocking these concepts and saying they are unimportant.

We’ve now arrived at a situation where Christians (and Non Christians) demand and expect everyone to respect all forms of sexual behavior and sexual expression EXCEPT FOR virginity and celibacy.

Adult singleness is also under attack, from everyone from Al Mohler (who slams singleness in his interviews) to guys like pastor Mark Driscoll who blogs the unbiblical view that single people cannot and should not serve as preachers.

Driscoll also wrongly teaches in one of his blog posts that older, adult celibate adults lack sex drives because God supposedly, magically removed their sex drive (this is false; single adults over 30 still experience sexual desire).

Further, Driscoll holds the unbiblical, wacko strange view that if a person is still single over 30, that God has destined them for singleness, and at that, to martyr them off for spreading the Gospel in some deep jungle, in some remote nation. None of this is supported in the Bible.

Christians are attacking singleness, virginity, and celibacy; they are most certainly NOT making an idol out of any of these things, and I wish Christian bloggers, magazines, and authors would stop arguing otherwise.

Continue reading “Another cruddy Christian “Have We Made an Idol Out of Sexual Purity?” editorial (this time, from Relevant magazine) – And An Analogy For Married Christians Who Don’t Get It”

Nick Jonas Losing Christian Image as ‘Racy’ Music Video Set to Release

Nick Jonas Losing Christian Image as ‘Racy’ Music Video Set to Release

Didn’t we just go through this about six months ago with Hannah Montana? (See link at bottom of this post under “Related Posts” for more on that.)

In the future, if we get anymore teen or 20 something pop singers, I hope music journalists ask them,

    “Look, you are only 14 years old now, you have a wholesome image, and you claim to be a virgin and sexually pure now…
    Is this just an act? Five or six years from now, can we expect you, like 99% of teen singers before you, to say all the “sexually pure” stuff was a put-on, that you found it restrictive and you were really just dying to pose half nude for magazines and grab your crotch in music videos?”

Because this crap seems pretty par the course now.

Why, why, does our culture – or kids in the culture – equate being sexy, or having sex, with full-fledged adulthood? (And… See link at bottom of this post under “Related Posts” for more on that.)

More accurate barometers of adulthood:

    -Having a tedious 9 to 5 office job with an incompetent boss and annoying co-workers and not hanging yourself or losing your sanity from it

    -(if you have your own home) paying a mortgage

    -realizing some of your dreams and goals, held since childhood, may never come to pass -and learning how to cope with that

    -learning to accept yourself, flaws and all, and not to care so much what other people think about you

If you’re over 40, you can probably come up with a few more things to add to that list.

I am going to guess (and I may be wrong, I’m just guessing based on this news story below), that the upcoming Jonas music video will include scantily clad females with really big, silicon-enhanced boobs (ie, standard video vixens), dancing around this Jonas guy, and him looking all “come hither” into the camera and possibly grinding on the next- to- nude models?

Being “skanky sleazy = adult” to this Jonas guy and to a lot of these Miley Cyrus types, sadly (see the article below for more on that).

Conversely, these guys think
being civilized, having standards, being respectable = “in chains, repressed,” etc.

I would like to inform folks who think like Jonas does that tarting yourself up and being overly sexual in music videos is not going to make you happy or bring you instant maturity.

Movie actress Marilyn Monroe, who died in 1962 and is still widely regarded as the world’s utmost sex symbol, grew to detest being known only, or primarily, as a sex kitten.

Monroe wanted to be taken seriously; it’s a theme that came up every so often in her interviews. She took acting classes at the prestigious Actor’s Studio at one point, in a bid to be taken seriously by everyone.

After years of making films in Hollywood, Monroe moved to New York and started her own production company to get out of the dumb and sexy roles Hollywood studio executives kept forcing her into. Her production company allowed her to take on slightly deeper, or more varied, movie roles.

Another funny observation here of how being skanky, sleazy, and sexy – or having a sexy public persona – won’t bring you the gravitas and “grown up” image you think it will:

If you paid attention to pop culture back in the 1980s (or, if you weren’t even born yet, pay attention and learn something), you may recall that George Michael, who was once the lead singer of the Brit pop duo “Wham!” and who later became a solo act – was so tired of being thought a dirty sexy sex symbol poster boy, he released the song “FREEDOM,” which included the lyrics expressing his desire to be taken seriously and his despair of being thought nothing but a pretty, sexy face:

    [FREEDOM LYRICS – GEORGE MICHAEL]

    Heaven knows I was just a young boy
    Didn’t know what I wanted to be
    I was every little hungry schoolgirls pride and joy
    And I guess it was enough for me
    To win the race? a prettier face
    Brand new clothes and a big fat place
    On your rock and roll TV
    But today the way I play the game is not the same
    No way
    Think I’m gonna get me some happy

    I think there’s something you should know
    I think it’s time I told you so
    There’s something deep inside of me
    There’s someone else I’ve got to be
    Take back your picture in a frame
    Take back your singing in the rain
    I just hope you understand
    Sometimes the clothes do not make the man

    … Well it looks like the road to heaven
    But it feels like the road to hell
    When I knew which side my bread was buttered
    I took the knife as well
    Posing for another picture
    Everybody’s got to sell
    But when you shake your ass
    They notice fast
    And some mistakes were build to last

Yeah, see, that whole pop song was an expression of how empty it was to be a public sex symbol.

And in the 1980s, George Michael was pretty popular, especially with the young teen ladies (this was years and years before his homosexuality became public).

Yet, these teeny bopper, or young 20 somethings of today, think if they show some skin, sleep around, that this will make them feel or look like an adult. It won’t. They should learn from people such as Marilyn Monroe and George Michael who went down that road and found out it’s unsatisfying.

By the way, I’m tired of the Virgin Shaming and Celibacy Shaming inherent in such moves by these entertainers.

These pop singers, who are now about 25, are basically saying they resented once having stood for sexual purity. After marketing themselves as sexually wholesome stage acts when they are 13 or 16 years old, they turn around when they are 23 or 24, when they are about to drop a new album or video, and say how much they actually despised the virginity shtick in their younger days – well thanks so much, pal!

(Link): Nick Jonas Losing Christian Image as ‘Racy’ Music Video Set to Release

    Nick Jonas, the youngest sibling of former pop band The Jonas Brothers, is set to release a new solo music video and sources say it might destroy his Christian image.

    The Jonas Brothers dissolved in Oct. 2013 as the brothers decided to go their separate ways in the professional world. Now the youngest brother is preparing to release a single of his own called “Chains.”

    According to Breathecast.com, the new music video is going to express his dissatisfaction with the years spent as the wholesome “character” of Nick Jonas.

    A source told the New York Post that Jonas “has emancipated himself from the squeaky-clean shackles of former purity ring-wearing boy band The Jonas Brothers.”

    “Nick has spent years experiencing a burden that’s hard to explain. He feels free now for the first time in his life. He’s making music he believes in. He’s done saying sorry for everything and trying to be perfect. He’s just going to be himself. If people like him, great. If not, he’s done giving a [expletive].”

    The Jonas brothers were previously known for their Christian upbringing; the group wore purity rings and spoke openly about their decisions to wait until marriage to have sex, but discarded the rings later on.

    An official release date for the music video has yet to be set.

I haven’t watched the video preview yet, which seems to be mentioned here:
(Link): Exclusive: We’ve Got Your First Look At Nick Jonas’ ‘Chains’ Music Video

(Link): Nick Jonas Disses The Jonas Brothers In New Single ‘Chains’

Freedom, by George Michael:

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Related posts:

(Link): On Miley Cyrus Being Sexual at 2013 VMAs – Hypocrisy of Secular Feminists

(Link): A Grown-Up, Not Sexed-Up, View of Womanhood (article) – how Christian teachings on gender and singlehood contribute to raunch culture and fornication etc

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

Why Singles Belong in Church Leadership by L. Ferguson

Why Singles Belong in Church Leadership

(Link): Why Singles Belong in Church Leadership

Excerpts

    Unmarried ministers offer a unique understanding of devotion to Christ alone.

    by Lore Ferguson, guest writer

    Each time I read a well-intentioned article on how to make the most of your single years, I scan down to the author’s bio and often discover that, sure enough, he’s married to his college sweetheart, pulling advice from a brief period of singleness years ago.

    Even at 33, I’m a spring chicken to some of the seasoned single men and women before me.

    These Christians have spent their lives burning with passion, unmet desires, or unrequited love, or have committed to a life of celibacy.

    These are the clouds of witnesses I look to for wisdom in issues of singleness—not the well-meaning, but hollow three-points and a poem professor with his winsome wife and four little ones. What do I know of his life?

    The hardships of parenting, husbanding, pastoring, teaching, ministering? But what does he know of mine?

    If the life of a single Christian, as Paul admonished, is to be undistracted by the world, concerned with the things of the Lord, then unmarried ministers have a unique calling indeed. And it is one the church ought not ignore — or usurp.

    Where I live, in the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex, young marriages are common. Younger than the national average at least. Yet few single men and women are involved in ministry.

    Continue reading “Why Singles Belong in Church Leadership by L. Ferguson”

Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams

Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams

Don’t Let Someone Who Gave Up On Their Dreams Talk You Out Of Yours

In a couple of posts in the past (such as (Link): this one), I discussed the disheartening trend I see in Christian books, articles, interviews, or blogs by (1.) other never-married adult Christians who are over age of 35 or 40 (or, (2.) on occasion by married Christians who condescendingly lecture adult singles on these issues).

These (I am speaking of group 1 above) are adults who had hoped to marry, but they remain single into their late 30s or beyond.

(There is also another group, Christians who are over 40 years of age, who are thrilled and totally at peace at having never married and never really cared either way if they ever married or not. They are guilty of what I write about in this post, too.

Hell, I sometimes see single Christians below the age of 35 who are guilty of this, but their views stem more from being naive about life.)

The never-married Christians, who are past the age of 35 or 40, who have given up on ever getting married themselves then turn around in their interviews, articles, and books and shame other post-age-35 singles from pursuing marriage.

I kid you not. They will guilt trip you if you still hope to marry some day, and you are past 35 years old.

They have given up hope of ever getting married themselves, so they go about trying to convince other singles to give up, too. They will try to shame you out of pursuing your dream. They will tell you that at 40, you are too old to be on dating sites and still expecting marriage.

They believe you should only think of “eternity,” or, they will argue, you should be consumed in this life only with thoughts about Jesus or with how to serve Jesus in the here and now.

They will shame you by telling you that it’s selfish, immature, un-christian, or self-centered (or a combination of all those things) to go after an earthly pursuit such as marriage, even though Jesus did not preach a “pie in the sky” theology, but said he came so that you may have life more abundantly – that means NOW, not after you’re dead.

Many Christians believe in a theology of CODEPENDENCY and ASCETICISM, both of which are condemned in the Bible (see for example Colossians 2:16-22). It is okay to seek after your own personal happiness in the here and now. People who tell you otherwise are peddling false doctrine.

Don't Give Up On Your Dreams
Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams

If you are over 35, have never been married, and would still like to be, don’t let anyone else dissuade you from pursuing marriage, especially the ones who once held the dream but have given up.
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Related posts:

(Link): It’s Not Too Late, And You’re Not Too Old

(Link): Radical Christianity – New Trend That Guilt Trips American Christians For Living Average Lives

(Link): Christian Singles Never Marrieds – it’s okay to get your needs met

(Link): Christian Double Standard – Pray Earnestly For Anything & Everything – Except Marriage?

(Link): Singleness is Not A Gift

(Link): Desire for Marriage is Idolatry?

(Link): Gift of Singleness Gift of Celibacy Unbiblical – Those Terms and Teachings Contribute to Fornication / Editorial About Sex Surrogates

This applies to marriage, too:
(Link): Hypocrisy in Christian Culture – Those who idolize parenting chide infertiles for trying to have kids
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