The One Thing Evangelical Leaders Don’t Want Christians to Know about Mixed-Faith Marriages (two links) by C. Cassidy

The One Thing Evangelical Leaders Don’t Want Christians to Know about Mixed-Faith Marriages (two links). by C. Cassidy

I do agree with the author that a lot of Christians demonize all atheists, which they should not do – but to be fair, many atheists I’ve run into online have been either unbearably smug or else they are out-right hostile to anyone who doesn’t share their particular take on theism or atheism.

I grew up in Southern Baptist Churches and was exposed to a lot of conservative Christian content around the home – Christian magazines, books, TV programs, and so on. Most of them went on and on about how sinful, unwise, or wrong it would be for a Christian to marry a Non-Christian, which they refer to as the “Equally Yoked” rule.

I used to be a believer in the”Equally Yoked” rule myself, until several years ago, when I began noticing several problems with it, one being there are more single Christian women then there are single Christian men, and, I’m all the time seeing news stories of Christian men who are jailed for child molesting, wife abuse, or what have you.

So, I realized it’s far more important to judge a man based on his actual actions and how he treats me (and treats other people) as opposed to what he claims to be his religious views.

At this stage of life, I’m more comfortable now with the idea of marrying a kind-hearted atheist man than a sexist or abusive Christian one.

Without further ado, here is the link with excerpts:

(Llnk): The One Thing Evangelical Leaders Don’t Want Christians to Know about Mixed-Faith Marriages.

The follow up post to that:

(Link): The Question that Breaks the Facade (in Mixed-Faith Marriages).

From

(Llnk): The One Thing Evangelical Leaders Don’t Want Christians to Know about Mixed-Faith Marriages.

[Summary: a Christian woman writes in for advice because her Christian husband of 20 years now says he’s an atheist. She’s not comfortable with his atheism but doesn’t want to divorce him]

…The idea of marrying a non-Christian is so far past unacceptable [to many Christians] that it veers into genuine revulsion and anathema.

I’ve got an old binder from a marriage seminar I attended at an SBC church in my mid-teens that painted non-believers as repulsive, ugly, dirty, unkempt people–in one illustration, a hobo-like non-believer is marrying a young woman in a perfect white bridal gown.

I’ve seen countless blog posts from Christian leaders openly wondering if non-Christians have the capacity to love at all, or can even conduct themselves in an honest and compassionate way.

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Needy Single Mom Feels Abandoned By Church Family (Ask Amy)

Needy Single Mom Feels Abandoned By Church Family (Ask Amy)

In an older post, I mentioned how it is that some older adults do not recognize just how poorly churches and Christian culture treats single adults until those older adults become single again via divorce or widowhood:
Then they notice how absolutely marriage-centric churches are, and how utterly horrid Christians are about meeting the needs of single adults.

Then you have your married parents who don’t realize how Obsessed With the Nuclear Family most churches are until their (Link): own kids grow up and move out and stop attending church with them.

Then and only then do some Christian married couples wake up to see how absolutely terrible churches are about neglecting single adults or the childless.

The woman who wrote this letter to “Ask Amy” had to go through a divorce before she noticed how anti-singles friendly her church was. Amazing.

Also, I could’ve told this woman that Christians in general are awful at showing concern, care, and empathy for people who are in pain or under-going some stress in life.

Couple Who Divorced Over Woman’s Love of Cats Remarry – Despite Her Having 30 More Felines

Couple Who Divorced Over Woman’s Love of Cats Remarry – Despite Her Having 30 More Felines

(Link): Couple Who Divorced Over Woman’s Love of Cats Remarry – Despite Her Having 30 More Felines

Excerpts:

Professor Trevor Howes, 82, and Marlene Howes, 72 will now live in separate houses after their conflicting feelings about cats led to their divorce

A couple who divorced after falling out about her seven cats have remarried after he spotted her on TV show ”The Woman With FORTY” felines – but this time they’ll live in separate homes.

Professor Trevor Howes, 82, first wed Marlene Howes, 72 in 1968 and they had two children but later split.

A #MeToo Divorce Debate in the Philippines by James Hookway

A #MeToo Divorce Debate in the Philippines by James Hookway

(Link): A #MeToo Divorce Debate in the Philippines by James Hookway

Excerpts:

April 27, 2018

When the tiny island nation of Malta voted to allow divorce in 2011, Melody Alan realized that her own strongly Catholic country, the Philippines, was the only one left in the world without that right (aside from the Vatican).

Last fall, as the #MeToo movement began to ripple out from the U.S., she and fellow advocates for divorce seized the moment and tried to recast the debate.

Ms Alan’s own husband left her and their two children for another woman in 2010. He offered to support an annulment of their marriage (an elaborate court or church procedure) but only if she would pay the entire cost – more than a year’s worth of her schoolteacher’s salary.

“I wanted to be free of him and call myself a free woman, but I couldn’t,” she told legislators in February, when a parade of women appeared before a committee of the country’s House of Representatives. Some recounted abuse at the hands of their husbands, abandonment to a life of poverty and single motherhood with no chance of remarriage.

Last month, a divorce bill cleared the House of Representatives for the first time. …

Woman Chops Off Her Ex-Husband’s Penis With a Kitchen Knife After He Turned Up At Her Home and “Demanded Sex”

Woman Chops Off Her Ex-Husband’s Penis With a Kitchen Knife After He Turned Up At Her Home and “Demanded Sex”

(Link):  Woman Chops Off Her Ex-Husband’s Penis With a Kitchen Knife After He Turned Up At Her Home and “Demanded Sex”

Lira Plaksina said her ex-husband arrived at her home drunk and demanding sex

The 47-year-old told a court he had attacker her at the house in Tatarstan, Russia

But judge found she severed the man’s penis as he was lying asleep on the sofa

When Her Husband’s Away, She Doesn’t Miss Him – Letter to Hax

Yes, you can be married, but if your spouse is a jerk, is selfish, is abusive, or isn’t meeting your emotional needs, you can be lonely within a marriage.

Yet, a lot of Hollywood movies and Christian culture presents this “fairy tale” version of marriage that if you just find the Right One, you’ll be complete, never feel lonely, and so on.

I was engaged to a guy for a few years. I could sit in the same room with him and still feel all alone, so being part of a couple is NOT a guarantee you’ll have companionship or be fulfilled. You won’t often hear that from Christians (or even secular sources) who extol the wonders of marriage.

(Link): When Her Husband’s Away, She Doesn’t Miss Him – Letter to Hax

(Alternate Link to same letter)

Dear Carolyn,

My husband has had to travel for the past several weeks. We have young kids. I haven’t missed him at all.

‘My 600-lb Life’ Participants Not Only Lose Pounds, They Also Lose Their Husbands

(Link): ‘My 600-lb Life’ Participants Not Only Lose Pounds, They Also Lose Their Husbands

by Tiffany White

You’d think after the participants on My 600-lb Life miraculously shed hundreds of pounds that their married lives would improve. But judging by their updates, most end up getting a divorce.

In fact, it’s so common, some weight loss patients call it “Bariatric Divorce,” and one study even said most couples separate within two years after the severe weight loss surgery takes place.

“In general, we know, after bariatric surgery, that people tend to feel much better about themselves,” David Sarwer, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, told The Seattle Times.
“Intuitively, we would think if one partner is feeling better that would only help the marriage. But what we have found is that weight and weight loss can actually play a more complicated role in a marriage or romantic relationship.”

What We Mean When We Say Marriage Is ‘Work’ by Ada Calhoun

What We Mean When We Say Marriage Is ‘Work’ by A. Calhoun

From (Link): the studies I’ve seen, it’s actually women who bear the brunt of the “emotional labor” that this author who is interviewed for this is talking about.

What these studies and articles say is that many men often expect emotional support from women but refuse to provide it in return. That has certainly been true for me with men I’ve known, including male friends and my ex.

The author interviewed in this actually has the audacity to say that marriage makes people more mature and so on – the same view a lot of Christians put forth in their podcasts, sermons, articles and so on about marriage. No, marriage is not necessary to make people better, more mature, etc – see my list here of (Link): married people who are immature or unethical.

(Link): What We Mean When We Say Marriage Is ‘Work’

Excerpts:

…. Marriage, by this popular analogy, is a job. You work at it. If you succeed, you reap rewards. If you fail, you are fired or quit. This model makes sense to our capitalist brains. We like to be set a chore and to be paid for its completion. But de Marneffe argues that this is a terrible way to think about the actual work required by marriage.

“The work isn’t drudgery,” she says. “The work is staying vulnerable.” A key challenge of any long-term relationship is finding the strength to engage emotionally while getting through the day:

I have to go to work, and then I have to cook, and then I have to care about you too? Ugh. Who among us has not had a grueling 3 a.m. conversation with a partner that they would gladly trade for 40 hours of manual labor? I would rather clean the bathroom. I would rather paint a house.

And yet, de Marneffe says, if you want to be a good partner you really should listen when your husband objects to your booby-trapping the freezer.

The Beauty of Being Single: 6 Benefits of Solitude By Lauretta Zucchetti

The Beauty of Being Single: 6 Benefits of Solitude By Lauretta Zucchetti

(Link): The Beauty of Being Single: 6 Benefits of Solitude By Lauretta Zucchetti

….After twenty-five years of marriage to a kind and accomplished man, I found myself alone.

Our decision to divorce was neither acrimonious nor cruel; neither sudden nor impulsive. Rather, our decision to file for divorce was an incremental process.

We had more disappointment than hope, more unease with each other than affection and contentment. As difficult as it was to recognize the wrong turns we’d made in our two-plus decades together, we both realized that it was time for each of us to draw a new map.

…. If you’re going through a similar transition, consider the following benefits of flying solo:

…. 2. Your life will become entirely yours.
Responsibilities have always been a large part of my adult life. From commuting to the office to hosting dinner parties for my husband’s colleagues, rarely did my former schedule allot much time for what I—and I alone—wanted to do.

In the absence of these duties, I found a surplus of time, energy, and excitement to pursue my passions. A candlelight yoga class? An art-house film on a Tuesday that would have been otherwise dedicated to household chores? Cocktails on a school night? Yes, yes, and yes, please!

I discovered the deliciousness of creating my own schedule and following what called to me rather than what was expected of me—and you are wholly free to do the same.

Single Mom Writes to Ask Amy: She’s Into Her Best Friend, But He’s Using Her

It sounds to me as though this guy is stringing her along, and she’d be better off without him.

It’s the second letter on this page:

DEAR AMY: I am a single mom. I’m in love with my best friend. He means more to me than anything, but the one thing he can’t give up is his freedom of being single. He loves me, but wants his cake and to eat it, too.

When I try to move on and date other people, he pulls me back into thinking that he wants to be with me.

I love him so much that I keep letting him play with my heart.

I am having a hard time trying to be “friends with benefits” because I have such strong feelings for him. His family loves me, his daughter loves me and my kids love him and his family.

We’ve been doing this for almost two years. I practically live there when my kids are not with me. I am afraid of letting him go. I’m afraid I won’t find someone like him. What should I do?

(Signed), Confused Heart

 

America, Home of the Transactional Marriage

America, Home of the Transactional Marriage by Victor Tan Chen

(Link):  America, Home of the Transactional Marriage

by Victor Tan Chen

The country’s exceptionally thin safety net prompts residents—especially those with less-steady employment—to view partnership in more economic terms.

Over the last several decades, the proportion of Americans who get married has greatly diminished—a development known as well to those who lament marriage’s decline as those who take issue with it as an institution.

But a development that’s much newer is that the demographic now leading the shift away from tradition is Americans without college degrees—who just a few decades ago were much more likely to be married by the age of 30 than college graduates were.

Today, though, just over half of women in their early 40s with a high-school degree or less education are married, compared to three-quarters of women with a bachelor’s degree; in the 1970s, there was barely a difference.

Why You Shouldn’t Date the Guy Who Acts the Most Interested by J. Birch

Why You Shouldn’t Date the Guy Who Acts the Most Interested by J. Birch

(Link): Why You Shouldn’t Date the Guy Who Acts the Most Interested by J. Birch

Excerpts:

…. Despite lingering doubts, she ended up in a marriage by her mid-20s — with a husband whose enthusiasm was not, in fact, all it had seemed to be. It waned over time.

He did not defend her in front of his family members, they fought constantly, he did not consider her feelings. By her late 20s, she was divorced, with a whole slew of different (and correct) thoughts about “how things should be” the next time around.

Addison isn’t alone in her previous beliefs about dating and relationships. Somewhere along the way, women were told, “You deserve to be pursued!” and, yeah, we just went with it.

Through my research (and even among friends), I’ve met plenty of women who’ve literally gone their entire lives letting men sort themselves by early, most-evident interest.

Their “single girl” dating ritual is simple: Strongest pursuer wins. (Side note: This is a heteronormative exploration of dating rituals and for that reason a heteronormative article on said rituals.)

With a (Link): culture of ghosting, bread-crumbing, zombie-ing, and just flat-out constant shuffling, I get that things seem inherently fragile out there, and lots of people want to insulate against rejection.

Your Career Choice Could Affect Your Marriage, According To This Study by J. Chang

Your Career Choice Could Affect Your Marriage, According To This Study (by J. Chang)

(Link): Your Career Choice Could Affect Your Marriage, According To This Study 

Excerpts:

This story originally appeared on LearnVest as “These Jobs Have the Highest and Lowest Divorce Rates.”

As most couples can attest, married life takes work. There isn’t a single factor that ultimately determines what makes a marriage happy — but one new study shows that your career can at least have a strong influence.

Career site Zippia crunched some Census Bureau data to figure out which jobs and industries showed the highest divorce rates for those 30 and younger.

Military jobs, by far, put the largest strain on marriages — perhaps unsurprisingly, considering the stress that constant deployments and moves can put on a family both emotionally and financially.

Woman Says She is Lonely in Marriage to Husband Who Ignores Her in Favor of His Job, Watching TV, etc.

Woman Says She is Lonely in Marriage to Husband Who Ignores Her in Favor of His Job, Watching TV, etc.

A woman named San wrote to Christian program “The 700 Club” to say she’s in a marriage where her husband is ignoring her in favor of TV shows and his job and so forth. Pat Robertson’s son Gordon answered her letter.

Here is her letter to The 700 Club:

I have been very lonely in my marriage.

My husband’s priorities fall in this order: work, television, and then his phone. I have brought it to his attention so many times. I find myself only relying on God and Him being my true friend but I am still lonely.

Yes, I have God to turn to and I talk to God all day, every day, but it would be nice to have a husband in my life who I can truly share my life with. What should I do?

[signed] San

I didn’t completely agree with the host’s answer.

Theology of Convenience, Expediency, and Borne of Culture – Christian Preachers and Writers Diminishing Seriousness of Sexual Sin

Theology of Convenience, Expediency, and Borne of Culture – Christian Preachers and Writers Diminishing Seriousness of Sexual Sin

Because American culture has seen a rise in the number of people, even Christians, using pornography and engaging in other forms of sexual sins, I’ve seen a disturbing and curious trend among some Christians (writers, commentators, preachers) in the last few years to downplay the seriousness of sexual sin, and to try to convince other Christians to just accept sexual sin as a normal part of life and marriage now.

And the people who pay for this lowering of standards is usually women. Women are once more expected, by male Christians, to bear the brunt of male sexual sin. Christians are always asking Christian women to endure and put up with male Christian sexual sin.

A few years ago, I created this post: (Link): Male Christian Researcher Mark Regnerus Believes Single Christian Women Should Marry Male Christian Porn Addicts and Regnerus believes as such because rates of porn use among Christian men have gone up quite a bit.

Regnerus feels if too many Christian single women refuse to marry Christian male porn users, then Christian marriage will come to a grinding halt, so, he feels, single women are obligated to marry a porn user, even if they really do not want to.

Not only have I seen articles saying that porn viewing has risen among single Christian men, but I’ve seen articles noting it’s on the rise among (Link): married Christian men (and (Link): women too).

Here are a few additional articles with numbers on Christian porn use:

(Link):  Survey: Alarming rate of Christian men look at porn, commit adultery

(Link): NEW SURVEY OF PORN USE: MEN AND WOMEN WATCHING IN STARTLING NUMBERS (2016)

Christian men view porn almost as much as non-Christians

According to the research approximately 64 percent, or two thirds, of U.S. men admit to viewing porn at least monthly, with the number of Christian men nearly equaling the national average. When divided by age “eight out of ten (79%) men between the ages of 18 and 30 view pornography at least monthly, and two thirds (67%) of men between the ages of 31 and 49 view pornography at least monthly. One half of men between 50 and 68 looks at porn monthly.”

The study claims three out of every 10 men between the ages of 18 and 30 are daily viewers of porn; three percent of women in the same age group purportedly access pornography daily.

— end excerpts —

Because sexual sins are running rampant among Christianity these days, it looks to me as though many Christians have given up, and they want to cave in to culture. They basically want to downplay or redefine certain sexual behaviors as not being so bad, not being truly unbiblical, or damaging.

Almost in all examples I have come across like this, where the male Christian writer is downplaying sexual sin or asking women to “put up with it,” the ones promoting these lax views are conservative Christians who believe in sola scriptura.

Go to Counseling to Deal With that Man-Child You Married (Hax Column)

Go to Counseling to Deal With that Man-Child You Married (Hax Column)

(I got a notification from Word Press that today is this blog’s Seventh Year Anniversary. Yay me, I guess.)

My views about divorce have changed over the last two or three years. I still think people should take marriage seriously. I don’t think I want to spend much time in THIS post discussing those changes – I’ll try to keep this short.

I was raised in a Christian tradition that taught that adultery was the only reason a person could divorce and not be in sin. Suffice it to say, I used to sort of buy into that view, too, but that was when I was younger and a little more naive about relationships and people.

Take the letter below as an example. The woman’s husband had an affair, and on those grounds, a lot of Christians (not all, but many) would say she has a “biblical” right to divorce the dude. Other than the adultery, based on what the wife says, the husband sounds like an arrogant, uncaring, selfish jackass.

Woman Wildly Happy She Got Divorced (Dear Abby Column)

Woman Wildly Happy She Got Divorced (Dear Abby Column)

There’s no point in being married if the guy you are married to is inept, self-absorbed, selfish, and/or abusive. Here’s another example of that:

Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to share a positive experience I hope will help others. It’s what a relief divorce can be.

I was miserable married to my husband. I used to hear people on the radio talk about their beloved husband or wife, and my heart would twist with regret that I never felt that way.

I spent years almost numb because I was lying to myself about my marriage. I spent years reading books on how to improve our relationship, years going to workshops.

Dating, Marriage, Male Entitlement, and ‘My 600 LB Life’ TV Show

Dating, Marriage, Male Entitlement, and ‘My 600 LB Life’ TV Show

This is going to be one of those posts that meanders all over the place.

I’m not really sure where to start.

I’ve been watching a cable TV show called “My 600 LB Life” for over a year now. Aspects of content I see on this show remind me of some of the subjects I blog about on here.

I’m not sure exactly why I watch this show, but I find it riveting, and sometimes horrifying. It’s a reality program. Each show features a real-life person who is 600 or more pounds over-weight.

I do not watch the show to make fun of or laugh at the obese people.

I watch, I suppose, because I am interested in their life stories and what drove them to cope with life’s problems by over-eating to the point they become morbidly obese.

I also tune in to learn medical information about what happens to a body once it gets up to 600 pounds.

I learned from this show that not only does the body get a lot of fat on it (obviously), and the heart has a harder time pumping, but obese people can and do develop all sorts of secondary issues, such as painful bumps, scales, and swelling on their legs (which are referred to as, or the result of, things such as (Link): Cellulitis and (Link): Lymphedema).

The majority of the time, I feel empathy for the obese people on this show.

I am wishing them all the best and hoping they lose the weight and recover and get over whatever childhood horror and pain led them to over-eat (most cases of this show consist of someone who turned to food as comfort after they were neglected, molested, or abused in childhood).

There have been a few cases on this show, such as Steve Assanti, Chuck, and James K., where I have little to no empathy at all, because the person is whiny, ungrateful, abusive, rude, or incredibly self-absorbed.

Divorcing Couple Divides Their Beanie Baby (stuffed animal) Collection

Divorcing Couple Divides Their Beanie Baby (stuffed animal) Collection

I am a conservative myself. Many conservative Christians and secular conservatives like to teach the falsehood that marriage is necessary to make people more mature, responsible, and godly.

Well, obviously, that is a total crock, as stories like this attest (and see (Link): this collection of stories). I totally disagree with my fellow conservatives who teach that one must be married to be “mature” (or better, more loving, what have you), since I repeatedly see news stories publicizing the contrary: married people can be selfish or immature jerks.

(Link): Photo of divorced couple splitting up their Beanie Babies is peak ’90s by B. Wong

(photo on page shows divorcing couple on the floor in the courtroom, dividing a huge pile of beanie baby toys)

The caption reads:

Nov 5, 1999, Las Vegas, Nevada, USA: Attorney Frank Totti looks over papers while his client Frances Mountain sorts out Beanie Babies with her ex-husband Harold Mountain in Judge Gerald Hardcastle’s Family Courtroom in Las Vegas November 5.

The couple, who were divorced four months ago, were ordered to divide up the collection valued at $2,500 to $5000 but were unable to do so by themselves.

The collection was ordered spread on the court floor and divided up one by one under the supervision of Family Court Judge Hardcastle.

Maple the Bear was the first to go.

Cost of Maple Bear today on Amazon .com: $6.34.

The surreal photo surfaced on Facebook this week after first appearing in (Link): a Slate piece on the Beanie Babies craze — and thank goodness it did. May we never forget how obsessed we all were with small stuffed animals 18 years ago.

Pat Robertson Basically Tells Woman Married to Lazy, Dead Beet, Idiot, Jerk-Face Man That Her Only Option is Separation (Not Divorce)

(The 700 Club episode I am discussing in this post: Air date Feb 21, 2017)

Women of America are STILL writing Pat Robertson for relationship advice. A phenomenon which prompted me to write this months ago:

(Link):  Women: Stop Asking Pat Robertson For Romantic Relationship Advice – Whether You Are Divorced or Single 

For the love of pickles, people of America, stop sending this guy your questions about dating, love, marriage, and divorce! Anyway.

Regarding the first letter on the video: Contra Pat Robertson, the Bible does NOT teach that the “husband is the head of the household.”

Don’t believe me? Then please check out the resources at (Link): this site, (Link): this site, or (Link): this site

But I am writing this post in regards to the second or third letter on this video (embedded below; Link to Video, You Tube).

Additional commentary by me is below this letter:

[Dear Pat]

My husband and I have been married for 21 years but have been together for 28.

We have two children, ages 26 and 25. Our 25 year old son is autistic and mentally disabled and needs constant care.

I alone care for our son.

My husband does not work or help in anyway. I struggle to make ends meet.