Rampant Sexual Abuse of Women, and Its Cover Up, at Hope Community Church, Gives Single Christians Another Reason to Be Leery of the Be Equally Yoked Rule or Looking for a Spouse at a Church

Rampant Sexual Abuse of Women, and Its Cover Up, at Hope Community Church, Gives Single Christians Another Reason to Be Leery of the Be Equally Yoked Rule or Looking for a Spouse at a Church

The following article needs to be read in full, because, among other things, one learns that the church staff of the church discussed victim-blamed a teen-aged girl for wearing shorts as the reason as to why a male hired by the church sexually assaulted her.

What I wanted to focus on in this article, however, were the comments the single women made about this church.

Remember as you are reading this, that many Christians will advise you, if you are a single woman who’d like to marry, to try finding “husband material” at your local church.

Also remember as you read this, that a lot of Christians still push the spinster-making teaching of “be equally yoked” in regards to dating or marriage. (It’s a Christian view that holds that a Christian single should not date or marry any Non-Christians.)

(Link): Women Came to Hope Community Church Looking for Fellowship and Healing. Disrespectful Behavior from Church Leaders Drove Them to Leave.

Excerpts:

Feb 10, 2021
by Katie Jane Fernelius

…As members of Hope Community Church streamed in for services, the protesters held signs confronting Hope’s leadership on its record of handling sexual abuse and assault.

Over the last few months, the INDY has worked to vet these allegations and the church’s response to them.

Unfortunately, church leaders, including founder and lead pastor Mike Lee, have not responded to multiple inquiries, effectively stonewalling the INDY’s reporting around a fraught topic.

Sara Dye, who joined the megachurch looking for healing after she was raped by a stranger and went through a divorce, says she was assaulted by a member of the church’s worship team.

Continue reading “Rampant Sexual Abuse of Women, and Its Cover Up, at Hope Community Church, Gives Single Christians Another Reason to Be Leery of the Be Equally Yoked Rule or Looking for a Spouse at a Church”

Candace Cameron Bure Says It’s ‘Not Too Much’ to Ask That Her Adult Kids Date People Who Love Jesus

Candace Cameron Bure Says It’s ‘Not Too Much’ to Ask That Her Adult Kids Date People Who Love Jesus

I am going to try to be nice about this. This is a topic that can set me off, and I can get mouthy, but my impression of Mrs. Cameron-Bure is that she sincerely means well and actually tries to live out the Christian faith consistently, which I respect.

So I will try to keep the tone of this respectful and not get too… how do the kids say it today, “salty.” I’ll try to keep sarcasm out of this.

I will paste in some excerpts from the page and below those, offer some of my thoughts.

(Link): Candace Cameron Bure says it’s ‘not too much’ to ask that her adult kids date people who love Jesus

Excerpts:

By Jeannie Ortega Law, Christian Post Reporter

Hollywood actress Candace Cameron Bure recently revealed that she has one specific desire concerning the people her children date, and it’s that they love Jesus.

The “Fuller House” star told Us Weekly that she has asked her three adult children, Natasha, 22, Lev, 21, and Maksim, 19, all of whom are actively dating, to bring home someone who’s Christian.

“When it comes down to it, I just want [their significant others] to love Jesus the way I love Jesus,” Bure shared in her video interview.

Continue reading “Candace Cameron Bure Says It’s ‘Not Too Much’ to Ask That Her Adult Kids Date People Who Love Jesus”

Florida Youth Pastor Was Attempting to Have Sex With Teen in a Hotel when an ‘Angel’ Maid Accidentally Stopped Him, Police Say

Florida Youth Pastor Was Attempting to Have Sex With Teen in a Hotel when an ‘Angel’ Maid Accidentally Stopped Him, Police Say

Complementarian “male headship” teachings are a joke, especially in light of news stories below.

Christian “be equally yoked” teachings in regards to dating and marriage are a joke, especially in light of news stories like the one below.

(Link): ‘Angel’ maid interrupted Lakeland youth pastor and teenage girl in hotel room, sheriff says 

(Link): Who is Andrew Weaver? Florida youth pastor wanting sex with girl, 17, stopped by ‘angel’ maid

(Link): Polk County youth pastor accused of attempted sex with a minor 

by Tim Kephart
June 9, 2021

A youth minister in Polk County was arrested Monday for allegedly attempting to have sex with a minor who attended his church.

Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said Andrew Weaver, 29, of Lakeland and youth pastor at Highlands Church of Christ in Lakeland was arrested on charges of allegedly having an inappropriate relationship with a 17-year-old girl in his youth group.

Continue reading “Florida Youth Pastor Was Attempting to Have Sex With Teen in a Hotel when an ‘Angel’ Maid Accidentally Stopped Him, Police Say”

Church Director, Seminary Student Set to Wed in November Arrested for Child Pornography

Church Director, Seminary Student Set to Wed in November Arrested for Child Pornography

No, the “equally yoked” rule so many Christians like to cram down the throats of singles is of no import – another example further below in this post.

There are a lot of men out there, who appear to be genuine Christians (whether they are actually Christian or not is immaterial to single Christian women who find them on dating sites and so on), who are actually great big perverts.

It would be better for a single Christian woman who desires marriage to marry a loving, non-perverted atheist (or Hindu or Druid or whatever)
than to marry an abusive or perverted man who believes in, and who confesses, Jesus as his savior, and who regularly attends church and does all the other things that appear to be the marks of an actual Christian to most other believers.

Disclaimer for the annoying female Christians who like to bray on my blog when I mention all this:
“But what about all the bad atheist men out there??!! Don’t tell me that all non-Christian men are wonderful!”

I am well aware of the fact that Non-Christian men can be pigs and horrible, too.

My view does not have to contain the premise that ALL atheists and other flavors of Non-Christians are angelic and marriage-material. That is not my belief nor my point.

My point is that one limiting one’s self to any one group of men based on religious criteria (whether Mormon only, Christian only, atheist only, ‘whatever’ only) is needlessly limiting one’s dating pool.

Let this also be a lesson that contra to what so many Christians teach about dating and marriage, that one does not have to be perfect in any way to “deserve” a spouse, or to be “worthy” of a spouse.

If God is permitting deviants like the sicko in the news story below to become engaged to be married – a nasty ass pedophile of all things! – there’s absolutely no reason to adhere to a false theology that God has special, stricter rules for “permitting” a non-pedophile adult single to become engaged.

I mean, please! As though God is more lax and forgiving towards a child- diddler than a normal person? Get bent.

But so much of the Christian dating advice, the “how to get married” advice I saw and heard from Christians (in person or read in books or on blogs) is predicated on this faulty type of thinking.

There are a lot of hurtful, false, and stupid things Christians teach and believe about singleness, dating, and marriage.

(Link): NOBTS student dismissed after arrest on child pornography charges

NEW ORLEANS (BP) – A student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary (NOBTS) was arrested today (May 13) on child pornography charges. Andrew Shiira was being held at the Orleans Parish Prison on 10 counts of pornography involving juveniles.

(Link): Church Director, Seminary Student Set to Wed in November Arrested for Child Pornography

by L. Blair,
May 2021

Andrew Shiira, once the director of worship planning at Lake Shore Church, was getting ready to graduate from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary on Saturday.

A few months later in November, he was expected to move on to wedded bliss with his fiancée, but his life was upended Thursday when he was arrested on 10 counts of child pornography.

Continue reading “Church Director, Seminary Student Set to Wed in November Arrested for Child Pornography”

Awful Early-Marriage Promoting Editorial, ‘The Future of Christian Marriage,’ from The Christian Post that Actually Cites Deviant Mark Regnerus (December 2020)

Awful Early-Marriage Promoting Editorial, ‘The Future of Christian Marriage,’ from The Christian Post that Actually Cites Deviant Mark Regnerus (December 2020)

Below: another article (this time from The Christian Post) seemingly advocating for the good ol’ days when, supposedly, most women got married by the age of 21 and popped out 10 kids apiece and lamenting at how folks just aren’t quite into marriage now as much as they used to be.

Such articles inadvertently suggest that being single and/or childless are somehow “wrong,” immoral, dangerous for society, or “second best.” They are sometimes (Link): intentionally or inadvertently singles-shaming.

Seems that about once a year, every year, some secular conservative or Christian group or person releases some kind of editorial bemoaning delayed marriage.

You can count on these things appearing regularly. Just like death and taxes, or the sun rising in the east tomorrow.

Continue reading “Awful Early-Marriage Promoting Editorial, ‘The Future of Christian Marriage,’ from The Christian Post that Actually Cites Deviant Mark Regnerus (December 2020)”

Hillsong Church Rife with ‘Inappropriate’ Sex, Members Claimed

Hillsong Church Rife with ‘Inappropriate’ Sex, Members Claimed

As someone who is not totally opposed to the idea of churches setting up social functions so that single adults may meet other single people (in the quest to get married), I’ve never promoted, nor do I defend, any church that actually devolves into a seedy sex racket, where members are going about willy nilly sleeping with each other, and I sure do not approve of sexual harassment.

But I don’t want to see Christians or churches out there pointing to garbage like this news story at Hillsong (Link): to excuse NOT LIFTING A FINGER  to help single adults get married – at least the ones who’d like and appreciate the help.

But what is reported here is not acceptable – and it makes you really question that “be equally yoked” rule so many Christians cram down the throats of singles: if so many of the (usually MARRIED) Christian men at these churches are sexual predators, why do some Christians tell single Christian women that the best, safest place to “husband hunt” is at their local church?

(Link): Hillsong church was a ‘breeding ground’ for inappropriate sex and leaders ‘sent nudes to female volunteers while sleeping around’, claim whistleblowers after disgraced leader’s multiple affairs were exposed

(Link): Hillsong Church Rife with ‘Inappropriate’ Sex, Members Claimed

by Mara Siegler and O. Coleman
December 17, 2020

Hillsong staffers used the church like a seedy dating service, “sleeping around” with volunteers and asking them to send nude pictures — according to a group of volunteers who allegedly complained about the situation. Continue reading “Hillsong Church Rife with ‘Inappropriate’ Sex, Members Claimed”

To the Christians (especially married ones) Who Like to Instruct Single Christian Adults They Should Only Marry Other Christians, Listen Up. (Re: Equally Yoked Rule)

To the Christians (especially married ones) Who Like to Instruct Single Christian Adults They Should Only Marry Other Christians, Listen Up (Re: Equally Yoked Rule)

It seems like at least once a year, some editorial, pod cast, article, tweet, or blog post appears some where, usually by a married Christian man (can be by a woman, but it’s usually by a man, one who graduated from college prior to the advent of the CD-ROM and Atari 2600), who shames, pressures, (or claims that the Bible teaches that) single Christian adults should only date or marry other Christians.

Much of what I say in this post will be repetitive for anyone who has actually, regularly visited this blog of mine in years past, and for that I apologize, but some themes bear repeating.

There is one new angle to this I will add – kind of.

Here’s the new twist, which I’ve not thought to come right out and say before:

If you are a Christian, especially a married one who has been married for many years, who believes in the “equally yoked rule” (or sometimes, it’s stated as “do not be unequally yoked”) when opining about dating and marriage, I want to know, what specifically are you doing to help single Christians, especially single Christian women, who desire marriage, to get married?

What concrete, practical steps are you taking to get singles married?

What have you done for single adults lately? Hmm?

An applicable music interlude: (Link, You Tube video): What Have You Done For Me Lately?, by Janet Jackson

Giving advice, or quoting Bible verses, at singles about marriage, relationships, Jesus, or contentment, does not count.

Nor does tossing out Christianese platitudes to singles help or count, such as, “Remember, the LORD will be your husband,” “Trust in the Lord and his timing, and He will send you a spouse,” or, “find contentment in your singleness, and that is when the Lord will send you a spouse.” 

Telling Christian singles to “just get out there more,” “volunteer at church more,” or “try dating sites” doesn’t count, either.

Continue reading “To the Christians (especially married ones) Who Like to Instruct Single Christian Adults They Should Only Marry Other Christians, Listen Up. (Re: Equally Yoked Rule)”

Christians Who Marry Non-Believers Must Be Ex-Communicated, Says John Piper

Christians Who Marry Non-Believers Must Be Ex-Communicated, Says John Piper 

I have many problems with this view point of sexist John Piper for reasons I will explain below these excerpts, so stay tuned!

Those views will be expressed below the excerpt here:

(Link): Christians Who Marry NonBelievers Must Be ExCommunicated, Says John Piper

Excerpts:

December 2020
By Leah MarieAnn Klett

Christians who marry nonbelievers have “compromised” their love for Christ in acting in “open defiance of the teaching of the apostles and of God” and thus must be removed from church membership, according to pastor and author John Piper.

In a recent (Link):  blog post on his popular DesiringGod website, Piper replied to a reader who asked how the church should respond when a Christian knowingly marries an unbeliever.

The pastor first stressed the seriousness of such a situation, explaining that there are multiple “layers of sin” when a professing believer “rejects the counsel of the church elders and marries an unbeliever.”

Continue reading “Christians Who Marry Non-Believers Must Be Ex-Communicated, Says John Piper”

Why Are So Many Single Women Leaving the Church? by K. Gaddini

Why Are So Many Single Women Leaving the Church? by K. Gaddini

I have been blogging about this topic, and ones pertaining to it, for several years now. It’s no mystery to me why women have been leaving the church in droves the last ten or more years.

(If you’d like to see just a few of my posts explaining why the Christian faith, or more specifically, churches, are a huge turn-off to single women, please see some of the links to my other blog posts below in this post, under the “Related Posts” heading.)

However, most Christians only obsess over smaller numbers of MEN leaving church; they don’t seem to either notice or to care that single women have been dropping out as well.

One of the few things this article highlights is that the “equally yoked” rule is a waste of time for women of faith who’d like to be married.

If you are a Christian woman, and you’d like to marry, it is vital you give up a hope or strict rule of marrying only a Christian man – otherwise, you are more than likely to remain single.

Secondly, and obviously, too many churches have made marriage and parenthood into idols and benchmarks of adulthood, so that any woman who doesn’t marry or have kids is ignored or viewed and treated like a child. That needs to change. Single women should be valued and recognized in their singleness. 

I can also see how gender complementarianism (traditional gender roles) are also keeping these Christian women from getting married: they have internalized the idea that being anything other than the Christian gender complementarian woman (i.e., a passive doormat) hinders them from getting a husband, and worse yet, some of the men they’ve met in church actually do feel that way.

Christians need to toss out the regressive stereotypes (which are snuck into Christian teaching under heretical gender complementarian teachings) if they are truly concerned about declining marriage rates and would like to actually help marriage-minded single women to get married.

Not all women naturally fit into the gender complementarian ideal, which means they may not get married, if everyone insists all women must be gender comp to merit marriage. (The Bible does not hold up women being passive or being gender complementarian to merit a husband; it is church members who promote this false view.)

(Link): Why Are So Many Single Women Leaving the Church? by K. Gaddini

Excerpts:

…. It turns out that in both countries, single Christian women are leaving churches at increasingly high rates. In the UK, one study showed that single women are the most likely group to leave Christianity.

In the US, the numbers tell a similar story.

Of course, there is a distinction between leaving church and leaving Christianity, and these studies do not make the difference clear.

Regardless, leaving – whether it be your congregation or your faith — is a difficult decision. Women stand to lose their friends, their sense of identity, their community and, in some cases, even their family. And yet, many are doing it anyway.

What or who is driving them out?

Continue reading “Why Are So Many Single Women Leaving the Church? by K. Gaddini”

Pat Robertson’s Downer, Bad Advice to Gabby the Mid-30s, Never Married Lady Who’s Not Having Success with Dating Sites

Pat Robertson’s Downer, Bad Advice to Gabby the Mid-30s, Never Married Lady Who’s Not Having Success with Dating Sites

On February 25, 2020, Christian program “The 700 Club” had Pat Robertson answer a question from a mid-30s woman named Gabby who would like to get married, but to summarize her point, she says most of the men who identify as Christian on dating sites are tawdry, gross, etc.

So, she asks Robertson what to do – which is a big mistake.

I’ve said before on this blog that single adults (especially women) should (Link): stop asking Pat Robertson for relationship advice. Because nine out of ten times, his advice will be impractical, insensitive, and/or sexist.

You can listen to the lady co-host read Gabby’s letter, and listen to Pat Robertson’s advice to her around the 45 minute mark (Link): here (CBN’s site)

(They may eventually upload that Feb. 25, 2020 question to their (Link): “Honest Answers” channel on You Tube, I don’t know.)

From what I recall of the segment when I watched it on TV:

Pat Robertson pushes the “be equally yoked” garbage on Gabby, telling her that no matter how desperate she feels, no matter if she worries about becoming “an old maid,” to NOT marry a Non-Christian.

A bit later, Robertson goes on to tell Gabby that maybe God is keeping her single because God wants her all to himself.

I almost barfed and then threw a rock at my television set when I heard that.

Continue reading “Pat Robertson’s Downer, Bad Advice to Gabby the Mid-30s, Never Married Lady Who’s Not Having Success with Dating Sites”

The “Dating Market” Is Getting Worse by A. Fetters and K. Tiffany

The “Dating Market” Is Getting Worse b A. Fetters and K. Tiffany

For anyone who cannot wait to get to it, here’s the link to the piece on The Atlantic:

(Link): The ‘Dating Market’ Is Getting Worse

Some of my comments about that piece before I put in some excerpts from it:

About the only “numbers approach” I have ever mentioned on my own blog here is that Christian women really do unnecessarily limit themselves if they try to live out the “Be Equally Yoked” philosophy in regards to dating and marriage, because the reality is, yes, the math is that there are not enough single, Christian men to go around for all the Christian single women who’d like to marry.

So, it makes sense to forgo the “equally yoked” rule, if one is a Christian, to date outside the Christian faith.

At the same time, though, I have seen other adults singles make much too much out of the “numbers game” philosophy on dating sites or comments sections on blogs about dating, where they make finding a romantic life partner sound so cold, or as though they’re shopping for a car.

There’s nothing wrong with having standards, but I am afraid there is a category of single adult who is too stringent or unrealistic with their lists of “must haves.”

I am personally turned off by anyone dispensing dating or “how to get married” advice who behave  as though there is a sure-fire guarantee way to land a spouse – because (Link): there is no such thing.

So, I’m really turned off by the many (sexist) attitudes and lists out there telling women if only the women do X, Y, and Z, they will absolutely get married to a great guy.

One problem is that most of these lists (which go viral on Twitter) are predicated on the notion that all men want and prefer 1950s, submissive, uber-feminine women.

Well, I lived that way for many decades – I was raised in a very traditional family that was into conservative values – so I had many of those prized traits sexist men online say will grant a woman a husband, but I remain never-married into my late 40s.

I was a very meek, docile, passive, sweet woman with traditional values, and no, it didn’t get me a husband.

(As I’ve aged, I’ve realized that it’s not a healthy or safe dating strategy for a woman to fit the picture of docile, overly feminine, passive, etc, that the “dating advice” gurus suggest on twitter and elsewhere, because many abusive, selfish, or controlling men intentionally seek out women with such qualities so that they can control, abuse, or take advantage of them.)

There are many conservatives – including women authors, unfortunately – who keep writing dating advice books for women, or who go on to FOX cable news morning shows, who keep encouraging women to engage in these dangerous dating strategies (of being a doormat, where being “feminine” is associated with doormat behaviors), which I’ve written about before (Link): here and (Link): here, among other blog posts.

The article below states at one point that men out-number women on dating sites. That may be so on some sites, but certainly not all.

Years ago, I had a paid membership on a dating site, and the site was forever claiming they could find no matches for me, most of the time.

For the four or five month paid subscription I had, I was only linked up to a total of about three men in that time.

My research on that particular online dating company found it’s the same with a lot of women, as it had been for me: that site tends to only “dribble out” a tiny number of matches for women, while they send male members more matches per month, every month.

Here are excerpts from…

(Link): The ‘Dating Market’ Is Getting Worse

The old but newly popular notion that one’s love life can be analyzed like an economy is flawed—and it’s ruining romance.

It’s understandable that someone like Liz [a 30 year old single who is using dating apps to find dates] might internalize the idea that dating is a game of probabilities or ratios, or a marketplace in which single people just have to keep shopping until they find “the one.”

The idea that a dating pool can be analyzed as a marketplace or an economy is both recently popular and very old:
For generations, people have been describing newly single people as (Link): 
“back on the market” and (Link): analyzing dating in terms of supply and demand.

Continue reading “The “Dating Market” Is Getting Worse by A. Fetters and K. Tiffany”

Convicted Child Sex Creep Joined Church to Befriend Young Girls by S. Jackson

Convicted Child Sex Creep Joined Church to Befriend Young Girls by S. Jackson

News stories such as this one are one reason why I’m not entirely enthusiastic to advise Christian single women to look at churches as a venue to meet men to date and marry – there are too many weirdos, perverts, and abusers who attend churches, and you might end up with one, if you use churches are a place to meet other singles.

(Link): Convicted Child Sex Creep Joined Church to Befriend Young Girls

by S. Jackson
Sept 17, 2019

The pervert was caught dancing with a seven-year-old girl

A convicted child sex offender who joined a local church group and befriended young girls has been jailed.

Gordon Sanderson was caught dancing with a child after he became involved with the Baptist Church in Musselburgh, East Lothian, Scotland, last year.

Sanderson picked the child up and swung her around while also encouraging the girl to wrap her legs around his waist and place her arms around his shoulders, the Daily Record reports.

Continue reading “Convicted Child Sex Creep Joined Church to Befriend Young Girls by S. Jackson”