Married Christians Who Were Arrested for Rape, Attempted Murder, or Other Crimes – more examples

Married Christians Who Were Arrested for Rape, Attempted Murder, or Other Crimes – more examples

Christians live under the illusion that married people are more mature, godly, and sexually pure than the un-married. They don’t seem to limit this to Christians but to all people, Non Christians included. They believe there is something about matrimony which either instantly, or over several years, causes a person to be more mature and self-less.

Marriage is viewed by many Christians as some kind of sanctifier, though the Bible teaches sanctifiction (being made holy) is the role of the Holy Spirit, not a spouse.

Christians also keep mentioning the Bible verse “be not yoked to unbelievers” in discussions on dating and marriage, as one argument that a Christian should not marry a Non Christian, with (Link): some Christian authors implying that Christians are more holy or sinless than Non Christians, for they have the Holy Spirit living in them.

Not all examples I post in either category that dispute such notions are of Christian men, but some are.

It really does not make a difference if the people under discussion are not Christians, another reason being that Christian men frequently show up on Christian news sites as being arrested for domestic abuse, rape, pedophilia, or to be reported to use porn, at the same rates as Non Christian men.

It’s not just Non-Christians who are raping, abusing, or robbing and murdering people: it’s Christians as well.

Sometimes married Christian women are arrested for rape, murder, or child abuse, too.

Here below are more examples of married men (and one Christian woman) who were arrested for crimes or for plotting crimes.

If I am not mistaken the pervert mentioned below, Ariel Castro, was married at one time, and someone mentions in this article that he went to church every week – he would come home after church services and rape three women he held prisoner in his basement.

There are several different news stories below.

— MARRIED CHRISTIAN WOMAN PLOTS TO MURDER CHRISTIAN HUSBAND —

(Link): Man Forgives, Calls Wife ‘Godly Person’ After She Plotted to Murder Him

(Link): Julia Merfeld Update: Mich. woman caught on video trying to hire hit man gets prison

    On a hidden camera video made by investigators, Merfeld is heard telling a detective posing as a hit man that the killing would be “easier than divorcing him.”

    Authorities say Merfeld wanted her husband’s $400,000 life insurance policy and was videotaped in April promising to pay $50,000 for the killing.

    “If you can get him outside, that would be great… It would be messy in the house,” she said with a laugh. “Surprise me with how you do it because, I mean, the more shocked I am when it happens, the better it w

    ..That same co-worker told reporters he was surprised by Merfeld’s request, because she seemed to be a good mother to her kids and he never mentioned she was unhappy in her marriage, prior to that day.

    ill be. I just want to make it as non-suspicious as possible,” Merfeld added.

(Link): Julia Merfeld, Mother, Asked Hit Man To Kill Husband Because It’s ‘Easier Than Divorcing Him’ (VIDEO)

(Link): Victim begs court for forgiveness for wife who plotted his murder

    By Benjamin Mueller
    August 1, 2013, 6:00 a.m.

    Matters of God and forgiveness gripped a Michigan courtroom this week, transforming a sinister murder-for-hire case into an unlikely display of mercy and restraint.

    Jacob Merfeld, 27, whose 21-year-old wife, Julia, was caught scheduling and financing his murder in April, stood before a judge during her sentencing hearing Tuesday and called her “a godly woman” and “wonderful wife.” Appearing stern and a bit stricken, he said his wife’s faith had only grown since her crime, and that she should be allowed to spend “every second that she can” with their two children, ages 4 and 2.

    … She giggled as she asked the cop to kill Jacob outside her home — “’cause it would be messy in the house,” she said. She also said she worried that disguising the murder as a burglary-gone-wrong might scare away a friend who she hoped would move in with her after her husband was killed. “I don’t want to live there by myself afterwards,” she said.

    Merfeld quoted the Bible during her sentencing hearing, and promised that her repentance was sincere. “My tears are not for your pity, my honor. My tears are for remorse.” She shook when she mentioned the possibility of her crime having been carried out.

    Her lawyer, Muskegon public defender Joseph Fisher, said he was familiar with the family’s faith from what Merfeld had told him before about sin and forgiveness, but that he was still “impressed” by Jacob’s very public pardon.

(Link): The moment a grinning 21-year-old mother of two tried to hire undercover cop posing as a hit man to kill her husband because ‘it’s easier than divorcing him’

— PREACHER RAPED TEEN RELATIVE —

(Link): Oklahoma Zion Plaza Church Pastor Gregory Ivan Hawkins Accused of Raping Teen Relative

    By Nicola Menzie , Christian Post On August 1, 2013

    An Oklahoma pastor listed as the owner of a child care and learning center has been arrested a second time in relation to allegations that he raped and impregnated a 15-year-old female relative. The alleged sexual assaults occurred numerous times over the last year, including at the pastor’s church, home, in a park, and a hotel, according to a police report.

    The teen, who was 14 when the abuse started, informed police that Hawkins allegedly began molesting her in April 2012 with the latest time of contact being in January 2013.

— CASTRO KIDNAPPING VICTIMS – CASTOR WAS AN AVID CHURCH GOER—

(Link): A Decade of Living Hell: Lurid Details of Abuse Suffered by Cleveland Kidnapping Victims Revealed

    By Leonardo Blair , CP Reporter
    August 1, 2013|3:18 pm

    In painful, lurid and at times stomach-churning detail, America got a glimpse into the abyss of perversion the three Cleveland kidnapping victims were forced to endure during the hellish decade they spent inside Ariel Castro’s house on Thursday.

    … Harasimchuk told the court that all three women were repeatedly raped “vaginally, orally and anally” during the time they were in Castro’s house.

    …Knight, Castro’s most abused victim, told the court that she was kidnapped when her son was just 2 and a half years old, and that she never stopped crying.

    ..”You took 11 years of my life away. … I spent 11 years in hell. Now, your hell is just beginning,” she added.

    “What does God think of you hypocritically going to church every Sunday coming home to torture us? The death penalty would be so much easier. You don’t deserve that. You deserve life in prison. I can forgive you but I will never forget. With the guidance of God I will help others.”

Here are secular news sources carrying the same quotes:

(Link): Michelle Knight’s statement at Castro sentencing

    (CNN) — Kidnapping victim Michelle Knight made this statement Thursday at the sentencing hearing of her admitted kidnapper, Ariel Castro:

    Good afternoon. My name is Michelle Knight. And I would like to tell you what this was like for me.

    …As you think about the 11 years and atrocities you inflicted on us, what does God think of you hypocritically going to church every Sunday, coming home to torture us. The death penalty would be so much easier. You don’t deserve that. You deserve to spend life in prison. I can forgive you, but I will never forget. With the guidance of God, I will prevail and help others that suffered at the hands of others.

(Link): Former Ohio captive Michelle Knight says she knew she’d escape

Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

Ah, yes, the ol’ “don’t be unequally yoked” teaching. Despite not specifically mentioning marriage, Christians frequently appeal to this verse to instruct Christians not to wed Non Christians.

I have decided against this teaching, since I’m becoming agnostic, and even if I stay a Christian, all this teaching serves to do is to keep a woman single indefinitely. It’s an absolute joke.

Here’s the hideous article, advice of which you should IGNORE if you are an unmarried Christian woman who wants to get married:

(Link): Why a Believer Shouldn’t Marry an Unbeliever

Here’s an excerpt:

    By Dan Delzell, Special to CP
    July 31, 2013|9:50 am

    The most important relationship to a Christian of course is my relationship with Jesus Christ. Every other relationship is secondary. If a believer marries an unbeliever, he or she is choosing to ignore what God says about being unequally yoked. It is never smart to ignore God’s Word, and that is certainly the case in a matter as foundational as marriage.

    There is no spiritual unity between a believer and an unbeliever. Not an ounce of it. Why? Because a Christian has the Holy Spirit dwelling within him or her, whereas an unbeliever doesn’t have the Spirit’s indwelling presence. The new birth results in a new life and a new spirituality. There is no unity on that level unless both people are converted through faith in Christ.

    ,,,Without spiritual unity, there can be no ultimate sexual unity. By “ultimate,” I mean the type of sexual unity God designed a husband and wife to enjoy with one another. That only happens when both of them are in a relationship with God. Then and only then do they experience sex as God intended.

    … Sex between two unbelievers, or between a believer and an unbeliever, is not the way God designed it. A proper relationship with God is always more important than sexual intimacy. Without the first thing being in place, the sexual intimacy will not be the ultimate expression of God’s design. And that approach will never bring the deepest level of satisfaction and contentment.

    With a married couple that is unequally yoked, the unbeliever remains outside of God’s grace and forgiveness.

If you follow the teaching to marry only a Christian guy, you will die single.

By the time you reach age 40, there are, I have read, a few more unmarried Christian women per every single Christian male; I think the ratio is three to one, or around that. That means that not every unmarried Christian woman at 40 has a Christian match her age, so they will either stay single or have no choice but to marry a Non Christian. Dan Delzell is, quite simply, an idiot who is serving to keep singles single forever.

Given that there are so many Christian married men who rape women or abuse them, you are just as well off finding yourself a nice, loving atheist or agnostic to marry.

I have a collection of news stories on this blog about Christian married men who have been found guilty of rape, murder, pedophilia, and other crimes and sins. Check them out:

(Link): Christian married people – list of sins/crimes (list also includes Non Christians)

(Link): Christian men (most of whom are married) who have been arrested for rape, murder, abuse etc

Anyway, I am gob-smacked that Christians keep pushing the “Christians, only marry other Christians” cliche’ when so many Christian women are remaining unmarried into their 30s and older. I waited as long as I could for a Christian spouse to show up, and he never did.

If God exists, and if God finds it so all freaking important for me to marry another believer, he should have gotten off his ass years ago and sent me a spouse by now. He made the world in six days and raised the dead to life, sending a suitable Christian partner my way should be a breeze by comparison. But he’s not. And I am through with the waiting game.
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Related posts this blog:

(Link): Forget About Being ‘Equally Yoked’ – Article: ‘My Abusive ‘Christian’ Marriage’

(Link): Why I Now Reject “Be Equally Yoked” – and on Becoming More Agnostic
-(this page also contains many links to news stories with examples of Christian married men who were arrested for rape, murder, or other crimes, and articles about high rates of porno use among Christian men)

(Link): Gender Complementarian Advice to Single Women Who Desire Marriage Will Keep Them Single Forever / Re: Choosing A Spiritual Leader

(Link): Being Unequally Yoked
———————————————
Related material on other sites

(Link): Is Interfaith Marriage Always Wrong, Given that the Bible Teaches Us Not to Be ‘Unequally Yoked’?

The Trend of Older People Becoming First Time Parents

The Trend of Older People Becoming First Time Parents

The person who wrote this page doesn’t seem too keen on the idea that people are becoming parents later in life:

(Link): How Older Parenthood Will Upend American Society The scary consequences of the grayest generation. by Judith Shulevitz

Two reasons I am linking to that page (which is very, very long), is…

1. It points out that older males produce deformed kids. Often, there is sexism involved, where people assume only older motherhood is dangerous, but older males produce defective sperm.

In that way, Shulevitz’s article is similar to this one:
(Link): The Ticking Male Biological Clock – WSJ.com

2. The mere fact the page is discussing the situation at all shows it’s becoming more and more common in American society.

Typical of Christians and conservatives (and I am a conservative myself, but one who disagrees with other conservatives in how they handle or behave about some cultural issues), but in this otherwise left-leaning publication, the author (who I would assume is liberal) chooses to bitch and gripe about the situation, rather than just acknowledge that things change in culture. She sounds like a typical conservative.

Here are excerpts from the very long article:

    by Shulevitz

    Over the past half century, parenthood has undergone a change so simple yet so profound we are only beginning to grasp the enormity of its implications. It is that we have our children much later than we used to.

    This has come to seem perfectly unremarkable; indeed, we take note of it only when celebrities push it to extremes— when Tony Randall has his first child at 77; Larry King, his fifth child by his seventh wife at 66; Elizabeth Edwards, her last child at 50.

    This new gerontological voyeurism— I think of it as doddering-parent porn— was at its maximally gratifying in 2008, when, in almost simultaneous and near-Biblical acts of belated fertility, two 70-year-old women in India gave birth, thanks to donor eggs and disturbingly enthusiastic doctors. One woman’s husband was 72; the other’s was 77.

    These, though, are the headlines. The real story is less titillating, but it tells us a great deal more about how we’ll be living in the coming years: what our families and our workforce will look like, how healthy we’ll be, and also—not to be too eugenicist about it—the future well-being of the human race.

    That women become mothers later than they used to will surprise no one. All you have to do is study the faces of the women pushing baby strollers, especially on the streets of coastal cities or their suburban counterparts.

    American first-time mothers have aged about four years since 1970—as of 2010, they were 25.4 as opposed to 21.5. That average, of course, obscures a lot of regional, ethnic, and educational variation.

    The average new mother from Massachusetts, for instance, was 28; the Mississippian was 22.9. The Asian American first-time mother was 29.1; the African American 23.1. A college-educated woman had a better than one-in-three chance of having her first child at 30 or older; the odds that a woman with less education would wait that long were no better than one in ten.

    It badly misstates the phenomenon to associate it only with women: Fathers have been getting older at the same rate as mothers. First-time fathers have been about three years older than first-time mothers for several decades, and they still are.

    The average American man is between 27 and 28 when he becomes a father. Meanwhile, as the U.S. birth rate slumps due to the recession, only men and women over 40 have kept having more babies than they did in the past.

    In short, the growth spurt in American parenthood is not among rich septuagenarians or famous political wives approaching or past menopause, but among roughly middle-aged couples with moderate age gaps between them, like my husband and me.

    OK, I’ll admit it. We’re on the outer edge of the demographic bulge. My husband was in his mid-forties and I was 37—two years past the age when doctors start scribbling AMA, Advanced Maternal Age, on the charts of mothers-to-be—before we called a fertility doctor.

    … Soon, I learned that medical researchers, sociologists, and demographers were more worried about the proliferation of older parents than my friends and I were.

    They talked to me at length about a vicious cycle of declining fertility, especially in the industrialized world, and also about the damage caused by assisted-reproductive technologies (ART) that are commonly used on people past their peak childbearing years.

    This past May, an article in the New England Journal of Medicine found that 8.3 percent of children born with the help of ART had defects, whereas, of those born without it, only 5.8 percent had defects.

    … What science tells us about the aging parental body should alarm us more than it does. Age diminishes a woman’s fertility; every woman knows that, although several surveys have shown that women—and men—consistently underestimate how sharp the drop-off can be for women after age 35.

    The effects of maternal age on children aren’t as well-understood. As that age creeps upward, so do the chances that children will carry a chromosomal abnormality, such as a trisomy.

    In a trisomy, a third chromosome inserts itself into one of the 23 pairs that most of us carry, so that a child’s cells carry 47 instead of 46 chromosomes. The most notorious trisomy is Down syndrome.

    We have been conditioned to think of reproductive age as a female-only concern, but it isn’t. For decades, neonatologists have known about birth defects linked to older fathers: dwarfism, Apert syndrome (a bone disorder that may result in an elongated head), Marfan syndrome (a disorder of the connective tissue that results in weirdly tall, skinny bodies), and cleft palates.

    Continue reading “The Trend of Older People Becoming First Time Parents”

Being Unequally Yoked

Being Unequally Yoked

Since I was a kid, I believed very strongly in following the Bible, and that meant following the Bible’s imperative about not being “unequally yoked” (ie, don’t get married to a Non Christian). I kept waiting, waiting, waiting for God to direct a Christian guy across my path, but it never happened. (I was engaged years ago to a guy who claimed to be a Christian, but I’m still single.)

Anyway, in light of the fact it’s unrealistic for an unmarried Christian woman to hold out for a Christian person as a spouse, and in light of the fact every other week I’m seeing news stories about Christian men who rape people, murder their wives, or fondle children, I’m not seeing an advantage in dating or marrying a Christian over a Non-Christian.

I recently found this:

(Link): Is Interfaith Marriage Always Wrong, Given that the Bible Teaches Us Not to Be ‘Unequally Yoked’?

Excerpts:

    …Genuine interfaith marriage is a challenge I don’t recommend. But as marriage has shifted in purpose over time, many Christians have added layers of meaning onto Paul’s wise command. “Unequally yoked” has evolved into a graded criterion for an optimal mate rather than a simple test for an acceptable one. This is a problem.

    Why? Spiritual maturity is not equally distributed among men and women in the peak marrying years. Quality survey data reveal only two serious, churchgoing evangelical men for every three comparable women. Thus, one out of every three evangelical women is not in a position to marry a man who’s her “spiritual equal,” let alone “head.”

    This elevated standard now translates—for women, at least—to something like this: “Find that uncommon man who is your spiritual equal or leader, not to mention kind, virtuous, industrious, employed, and, if possible, handsome, and then figure out how to make him want to marry you.” A tall order it is. As a result of the increasing “failure to launch,” evangelicals find themselves saying lots of nice things about the benefits of singleness (which certainly do exist), but seem unwilling to move their boundary stones for marriage. Except that they have moved them, away from acceptability and toward ideals. It’s not a surprising move, since marriage is far more voluntary and economically unnecessary for women (and men) today than it was as recently as 50 years ago.

    The pressure we put on marriage to be fabulously great is at an all-time high. Marriage is slowly becoming something that only an elite will attain on a natural timetable connected to their height of fertility. Thus, this is not the time to further restrict supply by adding layers of spiritual qualifications. Marriage is a good thing— a school for sinners and a source of grace—and I don’t wish for Christians to miss out on it except by their own active choice or vocational call.

Although the author does say at one point (and I disagree with him on this score):

    What I don’t recommend is a marriage to an unbelieving spouse, to one who professes an altogether different religion, or to an obstructionist who systematically places barriers in the way of your Christian development.

If you search this blog, you will find numerous copies of news stories about “Christian” men who cheated on their wives, use prostitutes, or who were arrested for murder, rape, or child molestation. It really doesn’t matter if a Christian woman marries a Non-Christian or not, as there is no difference between Christian males and Non Christian ones.

Related post(s) this blog:

(Link): Forget About Being ‘Equally Yoked’ – Article: ‘My Abusive ‘Christian’ Marriage’

(Link): Why I Now Reject “Be Equally Yoked” – and on Becoming More Agnostic

(Link): Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

(Link): Wife of Preacher Shoots, Kills Him, Recounts Years of Physical and Sexual Abuse – So Much for the Equally Yoked Teaching and the Notion that Christian married sex is Mind Blowing

(Link): Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

(Link): Obnoxious and Sexist Preacher Mark Driscoll Wants Christian Singles to Stay Single Indefinitely – And Even Though Unwanted, Prolonged Singleness has Been a Huge Issue For Christian Singles for A Couple Decades Now – Driscoll: ‘Christians should not marry pro choicers’
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Forget About Being ‘Equally Yoked’ – Article: ‘My Abusive ‘Christian’ Marriage’

Forget About Being ‘Equally Yoked’ – Article: ‘My Abusive ‘Christian’ Marriage’

When it comes to dating or marriage, Christian men are not necessarily a better catch than Non-Christians, as I’ve mentioned before in previous posts (such as (Link): this one).

A lot of Christian wives are physically or emotionally abused by their regular-church-attending Christian husbands.

Some are murdered by their preacher husbands.

If you run an internet search for the phrase “preacher murdered wife,” you will receive hundreds of news stories of, well, preachers who killed their wives.

Here is but one example of many that turned up on a search engine:

(Link): Preacher [Anthony Hopkins] killed wife, stuffed body in freezer, police say – CNN.com

You are just as better off marrying a Non-Christian guy as a Christian one.

I find most Non Christians easier to talk to – they are usually less judgemental. They are usually less likely to try to find a religious reason for your pain in life and blame you for it.

I’ve been friends and acquaintances with Non-Christian men that were very sweet guys. There is no advantage in marrying a Christian, and Christian women out-number the males, so your chances of finding a decent Christian guy past the age of 35 to marry are about nil.

I would assume that the Christian women who wrote this following page, like a lot of Christian women, probably prayed and asked God to direct the right guy her, and was trusting that this guy she met at a Christian college was “God’s choice” for her spouse.

What does it say about God’s character and His claims to provide for you (supposedly, if you ask God for bread, he will not give you a rock, as Christ said), and what does it say of God’s claim in the Word that he will answer your prayers, that he permits Christian women who are sincerely trusting him for a decent spouse, that he allows so many to wind up with abusive, dangerous bastards who are regular church goers, Bible readers, and who appear to be true Christians from all outward appearances? And then churches tell these poor women they are stuck with these abusive jack-asses until they die, which is insensitive and dangerous teaching, as some abusive men wind up killing their wives.

There’s a very twisted Christian culture in America that thinks divorce a greater sin than murder, apparently.

Also bear in mind that in much Christian advice in literature on marriage, it is commonly suggested that if you are still single past a certain age, it’s because there is something wrong with you.

That is, it is either implied or stated implicitly, in many Christian books and blogs, that marriage is a reward by God for Christians who reach some sort of level of spiritual perfection, so there must be something lacking in you, your character, or spirituality, that is preventing God from sending you a spouse. That abusive Christians are getting Christian spouses regularly is another point that easily dispells this myth that a Christian must be completely perfect and holy before he or she can merit a spouse.

Continue reading “Forget About Being ‘Equally Yoked’ – Article: ‘My Abusive ‘Christian’ Marriage’”

Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reasons Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

I’ve discussed this before, but it’s worth mentioning in its own post:

Many Christians say they are concerned that more and more Christians are not marrying at all, or not marrying until later in life. They don’t understand why.

One of several reasons single Christians are remaining single is due to typical teaching about dating and marriage from most conservative Christian preachers, bloggers, and authors.

Because many Christians remain terrified of other Christians possibly getting involved in fornication, most of their relationship advice, even to unmarried Christians over the age of 35, comes down to: stay away from the opposite sex.

Telling females to stay away from males and vice versa, will only result in keeping Christian singles single.

Other approaches, such as “courting” and telling Christians to “date in groups” doesn’t work, either.

I can understand the group dating approach for teens or maybe blind dates, but for adults over the age of 25?

Evangelicals and Baptists guarantee prolonged or life long singleness by making the dating process convoluted and making singles paranoid of the opposite sex, or acting as though each and every meeting between the genders can and will end in sex.

If Christians want Christians to marry, and they keep saying they do, they need to stop advising Christian singles to stay away from singles of the opposite gender.

That should be obvious, but in many areas of American Christianity, it’s not.

–Some Christian Women Shy Away From Marriage Due to “Biblical Gender Complementarian” Teachings–

On another note, I’ve seen several younger Christian ladies say on other blogs that one reason they stay single is that they are afraid to get married.

They are afraid to get married because many churches teach ‘biblical gender complementarian’ garbage.

Continue reading “Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)”

Why I Now Reject “Be Equally Yoked” – and on Becoming More Agnostic

Why I Now Reject “Be Equally Yoked” Teaching – and on Becoming More Agnostic

I explained this in previous, older posts, but here it is, in its own post:

–AGNOSTIC–

After years of being a Christian, I am now going towards agnosticism.

I still believe Christ died and was raised, but that’s about it. Jesus Christ is a wonderful person, but most who claim His name don’t really follow His teachings.

— FORNICATION —

I no longer care what the Bible teaches about almost anything (this would include teachings about sex outside of marriage).

–BIBLE DOES NOT WORK, GOD DOES NOT ANSWER PRAYERS, DOES NOT UPHOLD PROMISES–

The rest of the Bible’s teachings do not work. God does not answer prayers. The promises in the Bible do not work or come true.

–“UNEQUALLY YOKED”–

I no longer abide by the teaching “do not be unequally yoked.”

Christians like to tell horror stories about what will happen to you if you, a Christian woman, marries a Non-Christian. This is fear-mongering propaganda.

–MANY CHRISTIAN MEN JUST AS ABUSIVE AND BAD AS SOME NON CHRISTIAN MEN–

Problem is, plenty of “Christian men” out there are just as bad as abusive as Non Christian men.

Christian men are addicted to porn at the same rates as Non Christian males. They are just as apt to cheat on their wives, divorce their wives for a younger woman, to be emotionally abusive, as Non- Christian men.
(See links at bottom of this post for information with statistics and interviews with abused Christian wives about all this.)

–HAPPINESS NOW, NOT PIE IN THE SKY–

I don’t care about eternity. I care about the here and now. I care about being happy here and now.

— CHRISTIANITY -AS TAUGHT TO ME- DID NOT BRING ME PEACE OR ABUNDANT LIFE–

Being a conservative Christian all my life and sincerely following the teachings of Christ did not give me peace, joy, or an “abundant life.”

Christian teachings and trying to live them out brought me misery.

I was raised that proper Christian girls never get their own needs met, they never express anger, because other people’s needs and feelings are more important than their own.

Ergo, I was taught to just sit there and smile sweetly when people abused me physically, verbally, or emotionally. And I did. When people were rude, mean, or abusive, I wanted to strike back, but just sat there and took it, which only invited more abuse and made me deeply depressed, to the point I have been suicidal since childhood.

I was taught to permit and allow people to take advantage of me (financially, etc).

And most of such teachings were said to be biblical – “turn the other cheek”, “love your enemy,” etc. (Bible verses where Jesus or Paul struck back were ignored.)

It wasn’t til a F.M. (family member) of mine died a few years ago, that I began reflecting on all this.

I bought books by psychologists, both Christian and Non Chr, who said this passive approach to life, allowing one’s self to be abused, placing other people first all the time, is referred to as “codependency” and that, said the Christian therapists, it is not biblical.

So I went through life suffering and miserable for 30+ years living what I was taught by my F.M., Christian books, and preachers, was “Christian” and “biblical,” but it was all a distortion and a lie.

Even many preachers today, under teachings called “biblical womanhood,” “biblical gender complementarianism,” or “traditional gender roles,” will tell you that to be a true woman of God, you must possess codependent behavior (e.g., be submissive to all men at almost all times, be quiet, never show anger, don’t get your own needs met, always place other people’s needs first, don’t make your own choices in life, don’t confront abusive or rude people directly, etc).

Christianity held me back in life. It made me miserable.

The more of Christianity I left behind in the last couple of years, the more peace and happiness I felt.

Christianity, at least as it was taught to me, held me back in life. It made me miserable.

I now bristle at people telling me I “need to” or “should” live by their rules, or the Bible’s rules on life or behavior. I want to make my own choices about my life for once. I want to decide what is right and good for me.

I have a few other reasons why I am leaving the Christian faith, those are just a few.

At this point, trying to reason or argue with me from the Bible will fall on deaf ears. (I don’t care anymore what the Bible says on 99% of topics.)

Here are some links about how Christian men are just as bad as some Non- Christian men, so it doesn’t matter if you date or marry Non Christians:

(Link): The Silent Epidemic -Countless Christian women are battered every day

(Link): Christians For Biblical Equality: Free Articles About Domestic Abuse

(Link): Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence

(Link): Domestic Violence: The Christian Woman Battered and Abused?

(Link): Pastor Comes Clean About Porn Addiction

(Link): Porn to Purity: Christian Couple Bares All

(Link): It Won’t Happen in My Home And Other Myths About Internet Pornography [Christian women talk about their Christian husbands porn habits]

(Link): Christian men get honest about porn addiction

(Link): Barna survey: Baptists have highest divorce rate

(Link): Study: Christian Divorce Rate Identical to National Average

(Link): Biblical Battered Wife Syndrome: Christian Women and Domestic Violence

Excerpts from ‘The Silent Epidemic’:

    It wasn’t until Brenda [a Christian] realized his [her Christian husband’s insulting] comments weren’t true that she approached him. And that’s when he picked up a chair and hit her with it.

    Brenda knew she had to do something, so she went to her pastor. Unfortunately he wasn’t equipped to handle domestic abuse; his suggestions about submitting to her husband only made her home life more difficult. “Our church didn’t know what to do with us,” Brenda says. “They just wanted the problem to go away.”

    … According to Detective Sgt. Don Stewart, a retired police officer who handled domestic violence cases for 25 years, one out of every four Christian couples experiences at least one episode of physical abuse within their marriage.

    In fact, battering is the single largest cause of injury to women—more than auto accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists reports that 3 to 4 million women are beaten in their homes every year. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, approximately 2,000 women are murdered every year by an intimate partner.

Excerpt from “Pastor Comes Clean About Porn Addiction”

    Pastor Jones knows he is not the only person in church leadership that deals with a porn addiction. The statistics are startling.

    Fifty percent of Christian men and 20 percent of Christian women admit that they are addicted to pornography (Christiannet.com June 07).

    Fifty-one percent of pastors say cyber porn is a possible temptation; 37 percent say it is a current struggle (Christianity Today Leadership Survey, December 2001).

    Of Promise Keepers attendees, one of the largest Christian men’s conferences in the U.S., 53 percent admitted to viewing pornography regularly (Internet Filter Review, 2006).

    Forty million adults in the U.S. regularly visit porn sites on the internet (Internet Filter Review). Forty-seven percent of families say pornography is a problem in their home (Focus on the Family Poll, October 2003).

Excerpts from “Study: Christian Divorce Rate Identical to National Average”

    By Audrey Barrick , Christian Post Reporter
    April 4, 2008

    a new study affirmed born again Christians are just as likely as the average American couple to divorce.
    The Barna Group found in its latest study that born again Christians who are not evangelical were indistinguishable from the national average on the matter of divorce with 33 percent having married and divorced at least once. Among all born again Christians, which includes evangelicals, the divorce figure is 32 percent, which is statistically identical to the 33 percent figure among non-born again adults, the research group noted.

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Related post this blog:

(Link): Gender Complementarian Advice to Single Women Who Desire Marriage Will Keep Them Single Forever / Re: Choosing A Spiritual Leader

(Link): Pro Ball Player Convicted for Kid Diddling Three Kids Claims to be an Outstanding Christian (and he’s married with a kid of his own) – again, why should Christian single gals limit themselves to only marrying Christian men? The Whole “Being Yoked Equally” thing is irrelevant and unduly limiting for singles

(Link): Kook Christian Groups / Individuals and Their Nutty Beliefs on Pro Creation and What Constitutes Being Unequally Yoked

(Link): Forget About Being ‘Equally Yoked’ – Article: ‘My Abusive ‘Christian’ Marriage’

(Link): Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault

Please click the “more” link farther below to read the entire post.

I disagree with some of the positions of the “marriage mandate” crowd, including those of Debbie Maken, who wrote a book about the issue.

I intend on posting more content about the ‘marriage mandate’ perspective in the future but thought I’d start with excerpts from a good review of Maken’s book and view.

(Link): 30 and Single? It’s Your Own Fault [ by Camerin Courtney]

There are more unmarried people in our congregations than ever, and some say that’s just sinful.

From Ms. Courtney’s article:

By that October, they were engaged.

Following the path afforded by her ethnicity (she’s Indian), she [Debbie Maken] signed up with an Indian Christian Web agency to find a suitable suitor and, aided by her parents’ watchful care, started e-mailing a man in July 2001.

Now happily married and the mother of two young girls, Maken drew a map—in the form of her book, Getting Serious About Getting Married—to the Land of Marital Bliss. She hopes to prevent her daughters and countless single women across the country from having to experience any more “unnecessary protracted singleness.”

….In later chapters, she addresses the well-meaning advice handed to singles in Christian circles—such as “just wait on the Lord to bring a mate to you” or “Jesus is all you need”—and deftly explains some of the erroneous thinking and theology surrounding each.

At her best, in passages such as these, Maken gives platitude-battered single women needed permission to admit, “I’d like to get married, and that’s okay.”

Unfortunately, these bits of trend-spotting and balanced synthesis are drowning in a sea of shame and blame.

Maken seems to think a vast majority of singles view their solo status as a special gift from God (a stance I’ve seen in only a fraction of the thousands of e-mails I’ve received as a columnist for ChristianSinglesToday.com, a CT sister publication), a notion the very subtitle of the book urges them to reconsider.

Continue reading “Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault”