Roy Moore Allegations Prompt Reflections on Fundamentalist Culture in Which Some Christian Men Date Teens By J. Zauzmer 

Roy Moore Allegations Prompt Reflections on Fundamentalist Culture in Which Some Christian Men Date Teens By J. Zauzmer 

This article unfortunately (Link): quotes Brad Wilcox. The only positive thing I can say about Wilcox’s contribution to this article: at least he was not defending teen girls dating or marrying 30 year old men.

(Link): Roy Moore Allegations Prompt Reflections on Fundamentalist Culture in Which Some Christian Men Date Teens

Excerpts:

….That courtship of underage girls is especially common in conservative religious communities.

“We should probably talk about how there is a segment of evangelicalism and home-school culture where the only thing Roy Moore did wrong was initiating sexual contact outside of marriage. 14 year old girls courting adult men isn’t entirely uncommon,” Kathryn Brightbill, who works for the Coalition for Responsible Home Education, tweeted Friday, prompting a flurry of responses from other people who also had watched teenagers date much older Christian men.

…The culture of courting that Easter and Brightbill described is one limited mostly to fundamentalist religious communities, including certain Christian groups and those of other religions, such as some Orthodox Jewish or Mormon communities.

For most evangelical Christians, relationships between older men and teenage girls are viewed as wholly inappropriate.

Continue reading “Roy Moore Allegations Prompt Reflections on Fundamentalist Culture in Which Some Christian Men Date Teens By J. Zauzmer “

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700 Club’s Christian Host Pat Robertson Says that Singleness Is Terrible, Marriage Superior, and Singles Will End Up Miserable – Segment Also Supported Other Myths of Singleness Vs Marriage

700 Club’s Christian Host Pat Robertson Says that Singleness Is Terrible, Marriage Superior, and Singles Will End Up Miserable – Segment Also Supported Other Myths of Singleness Vs Marriage

In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul wrote that it is better to stay single than it is to marry. Jesus Christ himself never married.

The Bible does not extol marriage or pro-creation above singleness and being childless or child-free.

In spite of all that, today’s (December 20, 2016) episode of the Christian show The 700 Club, host Pat Robertson spoke poorly of singleness and said marriage is preferable or better than singleness.

On today’s episode of the Christian show The 700 Club, there was a segment about how millennials are reluctant to get married.

The show interviewed a few millennials, who are conservative Christians, about marriage.

One of these young ladies interviewed said, “It’s [marriage] is the most important thing.”

I would assume that young woman probably wants to marry some day. So did I when I was her age, but it never happened.

I am now in my 40s and have never married because the right guy never came into my life. I am single against my will, not because I choose to be.

Just because you want to be married does not mean you will marry. This is one fact these early-marriage advocates and other marriage-promoters never consider.

By the way, no-where does the Bible say that “marriage is the most important thing [in life].” I have no idea where that woman is getting that notion from, unless it’s being shoved down her throat by her conservative Christian church.

After the interview clips were shown, host Pat Robertson opined about how great marriage is, and in the process, he ran down singleness and singles.

Continue reading “700 Club’s Christian Host Pat Robertson Says that Singleness Is Terrible, Marriage Superior, and Singles Will End Up Miserable – Segment Also Supported Other Myths of Singleness Vs Marriage”

Let’s Kiss Dating Hello – Ring By Spring Culture at Christian Campuses, by N. Sheets

Let’s Kiss Dating Hello – Ring By Spring Culture at Christian Campuses, by N. Sheets

(Link): Let’s Kiss Dating Hello by N. Sheets

Excerpts:

A sociologist reveals her research about ‘ring by spring’ culture on a Christian college campus.

…In the fall of 2014, George gathered some initial data on students’ attitudes about “ring by spring.” The results of her study are (Link): forthcoming in Christian Reflection.

I had the chance to talk with George about her research, the surprising sticking power of “ring by spring” culture—especially at a time when the age of first marriage in the US (Link): keeps climbing —and its implications for Christian college students.

[Question]: In your forthcoming article, you’re very clear to point out that this is not an indictment of young marriage or young engagement. You’re trying to stay neutral on that. Do you anticipate any pushback?

[Response]: We all have different journeys in life. Some of us are called to be married young, others of us later in life, and still others don’t have marriage in their life journey at all. I am pro-marriage for any adult couple, regardless of age, that feels the timing is right and is prepared for marriage.

Still, I am sure there will be pushback from some who believe that we all need to marry young. And for some cultures, that is the norm. However, the sociological literature is very clear on the implications of younger marriages, and I think we need to consider the science behind those studies when addressing marriage trends.

In general, younger marriages don’t succeed as often as marriages when people are older.

And young/old is really fluid depending on what research you’re looking at, but over 24 would be an “older” marriage just because you’ve got more of a financial grounding.

And what [social scientists] find is that women do better if they get married older than if they get married young because they’ve established themselves financially.

In sociology, when we talk about “success” in a marriage, we’re basically talking about whether you get divorced or separated, and that’s very black and white.

You can be with someone for 50 years and not have a great relationship, and there’s a lot of internal turmoil happening that is not documented. And so we don’t know those figures and how they work into it.

Continue reading “Let’s Kiss Dating Hello – Ring By Spring Culture at Christian Campuses, by N. Sheets”

My Marriage Broke Down Around Age 30 — And So Did Most of My Friends’ Relationships by E. Woods

My Marriage Broke Down Around Age 30 — And So Did Most of My Friends’ Relationships by E. Woods

I must say I appreciate these articles that show that getting married is not an end-all, be-all to satisfaction in life, one reason of which is that divorce is a reality.

Sometimes, I do wonder about living in a secular culture (and Christian culture) that treats singleness like a failure or second-class status, without taking into account things like divorce, or stuff (Link): like this, where people find themselves single again.

Getting married for the first time when one is age 25 or so is NOT a guarantee that said marriage will last or be a happy one – maybe your spouse turns out to be a serial cheater, or ignores your emotional needs.

(Link): My Marriage Broke Down Around Age 30 — And So Did Most of My Friends’ Relationships by E. Woods

Excerpts:

We began dropping like flies, one divorce or breakup after another…

Things started out so well. My wedding day was perfect. The sun shone down on the 15th-century castle we’d hired for a hundred guests, even though it was April in Ireland. I wore a silk and lace gown with hundreds of tiny sequins, and I was marrying the man I’d been with for three years.

We’d met working for a charity, and we both cared about trying to make the world better – we imagined ourselves living overseas, and probably having a baby in a year or so. He was straightforward, and kind, and supported me. Surely marriage would be easy… Yet just a year later I was contemplating divorce.

Things seemed to change at our one-year anniversary when we went to Germany for a friend’s wedding.

On that trip I remember wondering: is this all there is? Spending whole days apart on holiday, because I wanted to go to museums and he wanted to shop? Having to beg him to turn off his work emails for a few days? Coming home and not speaking for hours at a time.

At the time, I dismissed these as silly doubts. There was no question of it not working out. And all my friends seemed happily settled too, and my parents and sister had both been married since they were teenagers – I didn’t know how to admit to them marriage wasn’t quite what I’d hoped for. I told myself was just being naïve, expecting everything to be perfect.

But things continued to change. I would lay awake at night and wonder about leaving –where would I live? We owned a beautiful house together and I hadn’t rented in years.

….However, I was amazed when, the year my friends and I all turned thirty, a wave of break-ups began.

Continue reading “My Marriage Broke Down Around Age 30 — And So Did Most of My Friends’ Relationships by E. Woods”

No, Focus On the Family, I Do Not Want to Civilize a Barbarian – via Biblical Personhood Blog

No, Focus On the Family, I Do Not Want to Civilize a Barbarian – via Biblical Personhood Blog

There is certainly nothing wrong with marriage or the nuclear family, but often times, in attempting to defend the nuclear family or the institution of marriage, a lot of Christians and conservative groups (such as Focus On The Family) err too far in making an idol out of both and denigrating singleness (or childlessness) in the process.

I have taken Focus on the Family to task before on that issue and one or two others.

Another blogger, Biblical Personhood, caught wind of a Focus on the Family blog post by  Glenn T. Stanton – well, it’s on a blog called “First Things,” which the lady blogger of Biblical Personhood says is an off-shoot of Focus on The Family.

I have discussed Stanton on my blog before, such as in these posts:

(Link): Focus on Family spokesperson, Stanton, actually says reason people should marry is for ‘church growth’

(Link):  Mefferd Guest Incredulous that Preachers Push Kids To Marry Early

Based on what I remember about Stanton, he can veer a little bit too much into idolizing marriage.

At any rate, here is the link to the blog post by Biblical Personhood, with some additional comments by me below this excerpt:

(Link): No, Focus on the Family, I do not want to civilize a barbarian via Biblical Personhood blog

Here is an excerpt from the opening (please click the link above to visit the other blog if you’d like to read the entire page):

From Biblical Personhood Blog:

(Link): Focus on the Family recently suggested something that seems, at first glance, to flatter women. I did not feel flattered at all. They suggested women are the number one way to change men for the better:

/// start quote

… the most fundamental social problem every community must solve is the unattached male. If his sexual, physical, and emotional energies are not governed and directed in a pro-social, domesticated manner, he will become the village’s most malignant cancer. Wives and children, in that order, are the only successful remedy ever found. – Glenn T. Stanton

/// end quote

This is highly problematic, to say the least.

From the theological perspective :

Have Focus On The Family never heard of Jesus and being born again? Surely Jesus is better at changing humans – even the alleged “malignant cancer” called unattached males – from the inside than any woman is? How could a Christian™ organization say that women, not Jesus, is the only remedy for men’s bad tendencies?

(( read the rest here ))

If you are an unmarried man (and you either want to stay single for the remainder of your life, or are aware you may never marry, even though you may want a wife), I’m sure you must really appreciate guys like Stanton saying you are basically a raging animal, or an immature man-baby, unless you are married to a woman.

You, if you are a single (unmarried) man, are a nothing, an incompetent, immoral loser unless you have a wife, is how Stanton’s reasoning comes across. You must have a wife and possibly father a child by said wife to count or to be a “real man.” This is pretty insulting stuff, especially bearing in mind that the Bible that Stanton likely would say he reads and agrees with, says nothing of the sort.

I did read over the Biblical Personhood blog post a day or two ago, but I don’t remember exactly everything that blog author wrote.

I will here add my own thoughts about the Stanton penned blog post. Some of my observations may be similar to those by the Biblical Personhood blogger.

Stanton writes:

 Women create, shape, and maintain human culture. Manners exist because women exist. Worthy men adjust their behavior when a woman enters the room. They become better creatures. Civilization arises and endures because women have expectations of themselves and of those around them.

I disagree with just about everything he said there, on different levels, and for different reasons.

Most cultures are patriarchal, and this has been the way the world has been for thousands of years.

Women are not allowed to shape or maintain politics, marriage, or church – let alone culture, because men hold all the power. Women are taught by parents and culture from girlhood that this is normal, that men should be in charge, and females are conditioned from childhood to accept this and go along with it, especially Christian girls.

As much as I dislike blatant sexism, where men sound like cave-men and make loud, rude, condescending claims, such as women are not as logical or intelligent as men (this is used to justify limiting women in the workplace and so on)-
I also do not appreciate this (Link): benevolent sexist, noble-sounding, sappy and fouffy writing that tries to convince women that being subservient to men, allowing men to lead and protect them, and thus they can and should give up self-determination and their agency, is in their best interest, because dang it, women are so much more morally superior creatures to men.

This sort of writing is sugar-coated sexism. It’s asking women to give up their personhood,  identity, or their independence, in exchange for something else (in this case, the betterment of men or culture).

I’m really tired of how sexists keep demanding things of women, and nothing of men, of expecting women to fix men, or to fix society.

Continue reading “No, Focus On the Family, I Do Not Want to Civilize a Barbarian – via Biblical Personhood Blog”

Memes Against Marriage Pressure – A Group of Single Adults That Also Supports Celibacy

Memes Against Marriage Pressure – A Group of Single Adults That Also Supports Celibacy

(Link):  Memes Against Marriage Pressure

  • By Christine Franciska
  • BBC Indonesian Service
  • Marriage is seen as inevitable in Indonesian culture, with friends and family often putting pressure on young people to find a partner and settle down.
  • But one group of young people is fighting back, using social media to celebrate singlehood with laughter.
  • Jakarta Lonely Council (or Dewan Kesepian Jakarta) – a play on the name of a well-known independent art body Jakarta Art Council – has become a kind of Facebook haven for single people.
  • The group’s most popular posts are when they alter quotes from famous and prominent people to make memes related to single status, loneliness, and the feeling of longing for your ex.
  • “The compulsion of dating on Saturday night is a bourgeois conspiracy,” says one post. Another declares 14 February as Single Pride Day with the phrase: “Single, but proud.”
  • ‘Celibate for purpose’
  • One of the founders said the page was created two years ago for fun, because the members love making memes and wanted to laugh themselves.
  • “When we created the page, most of us were single. But now, one of us got married. How cruel is that?” said one of Jakarta Lonely Council’s initiator, who wanted to keep their identity anonymous.
  • The creators, mostly young people, come from different professions; one is a researcher, a writer, and a lecturer. They use “celibate for purpose” in many posts, to emphasise that being alone or single is a choice and there is nothing wrong with it.
  • Continue reading “Memes Against Marriage Pressure – A Group of Single Adults That Also Supports Celibacy”

    Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy

    Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy 

    Before I present you with the links to the news reports about this story (which are much farther down the page), I wanted to make some introductory comments in general, and a few specific comments refuting a few points from a pro-Quivering page about celibacy.

    In regards to the specific news story I am blogging about today, this Quivering group is completely overlooking Apostle Paul’s comments in (Link): 1 Corinthians 7 that it is better for people to remain single than it is to marry – and Paul does not say that this teaching is in regards only to “a few,” or only a “minority” of people.

    The Bible nowhere states that marriage is “a norm,” or that God expects or wants all, or most, people to marry.

    It just so happens that in other cultures thousands of years ago, most people did happen to marry – one should not deduce from this cultural situation that God supported it or wanted it to be so. It just was what it was.

    If the Bible said that all or most ancient Jews painted their bodies green once a year and balanced weasels on their heads while jumping up and down on a watermelon one week out of a year, one should not assume from this that

    • 1. God created that cultural practice and/or that
    • 2. God wanted Americans in the year 2016 to practice these things as well.

    The Quivering group’s position on marriage, celibacy, and singleness is unbiblical, not to mention disturbing.

    According to this article (linked to much farther below), the Quivering group was going to call this event, (where they set up marriages for little girls to marry), “Get Them Married.”

    Why not have an event called, per 1 Corinthians 7, “It Is Better To Stay Unmarried”?

    Am I opposed to marriage? No.

    Is the God of the Bible against marriage? No.

    But the Bible does not say that being married is better or more holy for girls, women, or culture, than being single, but a lot of Christian groups, and these wacky Christian cults, insist otherwise.

    Christians need to do a better job of recognizing adult singleness and celibacy as legitimate, godly, biblical lifestyles and choices for all persons (and not only meant for a small minority of people who were supposedly “gifted” with it), instead of promoting marriage and natalism as the only legitimate avenues or as ways of fixing culture, the nation, or as pleasing God.

    Continue reading “Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy”

    Eight Ways to Rethink the Conversation About Singleness by K. Kreminski

    Eight Ways to Rethink the Conversation About Singleness by K. Kreminski

    • PREFACE: my blog stalker, John Morgan, is probably going to take this link I spotted today and share it on his own blog, reference it on his own blog, or visit this other blog to leave a comment there.
    • The guy apparently takes content from my blog without giving me credit, which is not only dishonest or unfair, but it’s hypocritical, because in the past he deemed me untrustworthy for not stating my real name on my blog or posts.
    • If you think I am untrustworthy for using a pen name, or for whatever reason, stop taking any links, content, and ideas from my blog to use on your own blog, or to run over to other sites I link to in order to leave comments there. You are being a huge hypocrite.
    • Please see (Link): this post for more on John Morgan or (Link): this post. Thank you.

    This blog post by Kreminski about singleness (link and excerpt much farther below) hits on several points I’ve been raising on my own blog for the last 3 or 4 years:

    Christians are already too marriage focused, and in their defensive posture of saving culture and marriage from what they perceive as threats (such as homosexual marriage and liberalism), they hype marriage to the exclusion of singleness.

    Some conservatives and Christians go so far as to denigrate singleness in order to extol marriage, something the Bible never does. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7 it is better to stay single than marry, and that marriage does nothing but bring people problems in life.

    I have also noted on my blog many times before that the demographics in our nation (and others) have shifted with more people staying single over their lifetimes, or, if they marry, they are marrying at much older ages than they used to. Most conservative expressions of Christianity, however, continue to cater to married couples.

    Out of the Christians who do notice this demographic shift, they shame singles for being singles and promote something called “early marriage.” These Christians shame and scold Christians to get married, rather than just accept them in their single status.

    In previous blog posts, I have also discussed what I termed “Married People Privilege.” Married people, especially ones with children, like to think that their lives are ten times more difficult than that of childless singles.

    Continue reading “Eight Ways to Rethink the Conversation About Singleness by K. Kreminski”

    Women Are Still Being Told To Lower Their Standards / Stupid Sh*t People Say to Singles by S. H. Weiss

    Women Are Still Being Told To Lower Their Standards / Stupid Sh*t People Say to Singles by S. H. Weiss

    One thing the author of this page brings up is something I have as well: women are just as visually oriented as men are and do care about what men look like. However, women are conditioned by secular society and religious groups to think they should not care about a man’s physical attractiveness.

    Women are conditioned to look past a man’s ugliness to consider his other traits – is he smart, financially stable, and so on.

    Now, I do think some people are in fact way too judgmental or picky regarding physical appearance in dating or whom to marry.

    But, on the other hand, there is absolutely nothing wrong in wanting to date or marry someone you consider attractive. I don’t think people of either gender should be super picky about looks, but it’s okay to have some preferences or standards.

    The woman who wrote this says she caught some guy she knew lying in his dating site profile – he was 35 years old but claimed on his dating profile he is 25 or 30 years old. She asked him why he lied about his age.

    He claims it’s because he wants to start a family and a woman in her 20s is guaranteed to be fertile.

    First of all, women in their 40s (and 30s) still menstruate and get pregnant, so you don’t need to marry a 20 something to have babies. Some women in their 20s are childfree or infertile.

    Secondly, as I noted before, I advised single women who read this blog to lie on their dating site profiles about their ages, to make themselves younger than they are.

    As so many men are this very shallow and particular about age in a woman (many of them have a cut off age of 29, while for others, it’s about 35), go ahead and cite yourself as being 20 or 30 something on your profile if you are over 40 and want dates.

    The worst thing that will happen once the guy gets to know you after he meets you via a dating site is that he will decide to stop dating you. Big whoop.

    I have seen or read about a lot of men ages 45 and older who lie about their ages on dating sites. I’ve had guys who are obviously 65 or older (they have all white hair) who contact me on dating sites, who claim to be 41 or 42 years old. Men lie out the ass about their ages (and their height, according to other women) all the time on these sites.

    (Link):  Liberated Shmiberated!: Women are Still Being Told to Lower Their Standards (& it’s messed up!) by S. H. Weiss

    Excerpts:

    • February 2016
    • …It is Traister’s message that I would like to share with the women I have spoken with lately, women who feel they need to defend themselves to others about why they are not married, why they are not “just settling down already” and why they are “being too picky.”
    • The women I speak of range from early 30s to early 40s. Some of them have never been married, while others were married briefly. A third of them are divorced and have children. The one thing these friends have in common is that they all say that are not “single by choice.” They express the desire to find their perfect life partner.
    • ..However, there are Yentas everywhere, some well-intentioned and others questionably motivated. This is especially true for those who are part of a tight-knit or religious community (ranging from the Mormons to the Modern Orthodox Jewish).

    Continue reading “Women Are Still Being Told To Lower Their Standards / Stupid Sh*t People Say to Singles by S. H. Weiss”

    ‘Marriage Changes When You Don’t Just Need A Warm Body and a Paycheck’: A Talk With Rebecca Traister

    ‘Marriage Changes When You Don’t Just Need A Warm Body and a Paycheck’: A Talk With Rebecca Traister

    (Link): ‘Marriage Changes When You Don’t Just Need A Warm Body and a Paycheck’: A Talk With Rebecca Traister  by Jia Tolentino

    Excerpts:

    • After two months, my [Jia Tolentino’s] copy of Rebecca Traister’s new book is already dog-eared, wine-stained, and train-battered. All the Single Ladies is essential, careful, bold, and rigorous; it’s a warning and a celebration, and I loved it. Traister and I talked on the phone last week.
    • [Rebecca Traister said]… I always hated it when my heroines [book characters] got married.
    • … but I took in the message that Laura learned, and then taught us: that marriage was the end of fun.
    • …one of the interesting things that’s happened coterminously with the decline in marriage rate is the rise of the wedding industrial complex and the fetishization of marriage as the signal achievement of female life.
    • That’s happened even as women have been marrying less and less, and for a couple of reasons.
    • One, the economic strata of women who still most consistently marry are the wealthiest women: you have a whole industry that’s built up around selling them very expensive weddings, and this industry now crosses classes. There’s a diffuse but very strong pressure to correct women’s move away from marriage by fetishizing it.
    • This, in turn, is possible in part because marriage is no longer the thing that kicks off a woman’s adult life.
    • As sociologists put it, marriage is now a capstone event instead. It’s the thing you do when your life is in shape, when you have the right amount of money —and particularly in middle and lower-income communities, when you know you have the right partner, and in many cases, when you already have a kid. Marriage is popularly a sign that your life is in order, which contributes to this renewed positioning of marriage as aspirational.
    • [Jia Tolentino said] Right. It’s the fairytale narrative run through a late-capitalist filter. You make your money, you formalize your ambitions, and then you still get rewarded with the kiss and the ring.
    • [Rebecca Traister said] Despite all this, women are still not marrying at the same rate they were. You can bombard women with messages that they should be aiming for this; that they should be doing that. But you know what? They’re still not doing it. You might be able to make them feel bad about it—but this mass behavior no longer applies.

    Continue reading “‘Marriage Changes When You Don’t Just Need A Warm Body and a Paycheck’: A Talk With Rebecca Traister”

    Don’t Underestimate Single Women Voters by A. Smith

    Don’t Underestimate Single Women Voters by A. Smith

    The impetus for Smith’s essay is the book “All the Single Ladies,” by Traister, which I have posted about in several posts already such as (Link): this one or (Link): this one.

    Much of what this author, Smith, says about single women in regards to the Republican Party -that Republicans need to start paying attention to and validating single women and their concerns- can also be said of conservative Christians.

    Conservative Christians continue to either ignore single women or to attack them for being single, in spite of the fact that Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7 that it is better for a person to remain single.

    There is nothing wrong with a person wanting to get married, BUT, conservative Christians need to stop acting as though marriage is a cure for society, or is the norm or the default. By doing so, they marginalize singleness and single adults.

    (Link): Don’t Underestimate Single Women Voters by A. Smith

    Excerpts:

    • …Writer Rebecca Traister—author of the new book All the Single Ladies—explains that the rise of single women is “a radical upheaval, a national reckoning with massive social and political implications” as single women outnumber married women for the first time in American history. Marriage has shifted from an expectation in a woman’s early 20s to a life goal saved for someday (if ever).

    Continue reading “Don’t Underestimate Single Women Voters by A. Smith”

    The Case Against ‘Saving’ Marriage – Married Nuclear Families Are the Gold Standard Against Which We Are All Judged. by N. Rodgers

    The Case Against ‘Saving’ Marriage – Married Nuclear Families Are the Gold Standard Against Which We Are All Judged. by N. Rodgers

    • Disclaimer:
      I am not always in complete agreement with every last view in every editorial or article I link to.
    • I am right wing with traditional values but agree with liberals that right wingers, Republicans, and Christians need to stop idealizing the Nuclear Family, in so far as it marginalizes, punishes, or discriminates against those who do not fit that demographic or lifestyke.

    The following editorial is from a progressive (left wing) site. I agree with much of what this editorial says, though not all of it.

    (Link): The Case Against ‘Saving’ Marriage by N. Rodgers

    • Married Nuclear Families Are the Gold Standard Against Which We Are All Judged.
    • Marriage rates have been declining for more than half a century and single women now outnumber married ones. There are few guides better at navigating this new landscape than Rebecca Traister.
    • In a recent New York Magazine (Link): article, adapted from her soon-to-be-released book All the Single Ladies, she offers an insightful, nuanced analysis of the plight and power of unmarried women “taking up space in a world that was not designed for them.”
    • Traister argues that the current democratic policy platform may be more liberal than it has been in a generation in response to the growth of unmarried women. It’s about time. Public policy has lagged almost criminally behind in meeting the needs of single women, and especially single mothers, for decades.
    • But while a policy platform that stands to benefit unmarried women and mothers is necessary, it is not sufficient. There is no substitute for identity politics. Part of why the U.S. still has such inadequate public policies is the fear of publicly supporting families that conservatives have already convinced us are unequivocally bad, subpar alternatives to the married nuclear variety, especially “single mother” homes.

    Continue reading “The Case Against ‘Saving’ Marriage – Married Nuclear Families Are the Gold Standard Against Which We Are All Judged. by N. Rodgers”

    The Single American Woman via NY Magazine

    The Single American Woman via NY Magazine

    Pretty long article, but very interesting.

    Please use this link I’m giving you if you’d like to read the entire page (it’s a little bit farther below).

    I am a right winger, have been a Republican my whole life (though the GOP has been annoying me more and more the last few years, but no, I am not fine with the Democrats), and I am a single woman who was raised in a Christian home.

    My parents were Christians who had very traditional values.

    The one thing I dread when reading articles like this one I am linking to in this post is imagining how my fellow right wingers will react to what it discusses.

    Typically, rather than help single women where they are (which is what they should be doing), they will more likely, instead, complain and yell about singleness, about what a shame it is people aren’t marrying as much or not as young as they did decades ago, and yell at single women to run right out and get married immediately.

    (One thing these types of idiots overlook is that marrying is not that easy. I’ve always wanted to be married, but I never met the right guy. I am not going to marry just any guy with a pulse just for the sake of being married.)

    Anyway, following that initial reaction of my fellow right wingers, they will then, at that point – by “they,” I refer more specifically to the conservative marriage concern trolls among the secular right wingers and the conservative Christians – will write fear-mongering articles (like (Link): this one) to scare single women into marrying the first man they meet who has a pulse.

    The fear mongering and pressure by conservatives to scare or cajole women to marry has gotten so bad with right wing marriage concern trolls, that some of them are even directing Christian women to marry (Link): known pornography addicts.

    The majority of my fellow conservatives don’t give a rat’s ass about doing anything to assist single women so long as those women are single.

    Many conservatives would prefer to sit back in their rocking chair on the front porch, sipping on lemonade, smoking on their pipes, complaining about how times have changed for the worst, and how the nation was so much better back in 1952. They would rather pine away for the so-called “good old days” than to help people in practical ways in 2016 where ever they find themselves in life.

    Though I am right wing, I think this author makes a few good arguments against conservative views about singleness and marriage and the roles of women.

    (Link): The Single American Woman via NY Magazine

    Excerpts:

    • The most powerful voter this year, who in her rapidly increasing numbers has become an entirely new category of citizen, is THE SingleAmerican Woman
    • By REBECCA TRAISTER
    • ….In 2009, the proportion of American women who were married dropped below 50 percent. In other words, for the first time in American history, single women (including those who were never married, widowed, divorced, or separated) outnumbered married women.
    • Perhaps even more strikingly, the number of adults younger than 34 who had never married was up to 46 percent, rising 12 percentage points in less than a decade. For women under 30, the likelihood of being married has become astonishingly small: Today, only around 20 percent of Americans ages 18–29 are wed, compared to nearly 60 percent in 1960.
    • It is a radical upheaval, a national reckoning with massive social and political implications. Across classes, and races, we are seeing a wholesale revision of what female life might entail.
    • We are living through the invention of independent female adulthood as a norm, not an aberration, and the creation of an entirely new population: adult women who are no longer economically, socially, sexually, or reproductively dependent on or defined by the men they marry.
    • This reorganization of our citizenry, unlike the social movements that preceded it and made it possible — from abolition and suffrage and labor fights of the 19th and early-20th centuries to the civil-rights, women’s, and gay-rights movements of the mid-20th century — is not a self-consciously politicized event. Today’s women are, for the most part, not abstaining from or delaying marriage to prove a point about equality.
    • They are doing it because they have internalized assumptions that just a half-century ago would have seemed radical: that it’s okay for them not to be married; that they are whole people able to live full professional, economic, social, sexual, and parental lives on their own if they don’t happen to meet a person to whom they want to legally bind themselves.
    • The most radical of feminist ideas—the disestablishment of marriage — has been so widely embraced as to have become habit, drained of its political intent but ever-more potent insofar as it has refashioned the course of average female life.

    Continue reading “The Single American Woman via NY Magazine”

    Why Single Women Have Baby Fear Of Missing Out – via Daily Beast

    Why Single Women Have Baby Fear Of Missing Out – by L. Crocker – via Daily Beast

    Fortunately for me, I never cared much if I had any children or not, so I’m “meh” about not having kids.

    (Link):  Why Single Women Have Baby FOMO by L. Crocker

    Excerpts:

    • Single women have more power, influence, and freedom than ever before—but that freedom is still complicated by child-bearing.
    • It’s not easy for single women of a certain age to revel in their singledom. There comes a time—one that varies depending on cultural, geographic, and socioeconomic backgrounds—when the single woman in America feels like an anomaly among her peers, regardless of whether she’s single by choice or not.
    • In reality, the opposite is true: There are more single women now than ever.
    • In 2009, the number of American women who were married fell below 50 percent, and the number of women younger than 34 who had never been married climbed to 46 percent.
    • The numbers reflect a broader cultural shift that has allotted single women more power, influence, and freedom than ever before.
    • We’ve seen the single woman’s rise touted in books like Kate Bolick’s (Link): Spinster (2015), about how the author has managed to live independently for 39 years, taking cues from other unconventional women. We’ve seen it in television shows about powerful single women, too, like Liz Lemon in 30 Rock.
    • Now, feminist writer Rebecca Traister shows us just how far we’ve come in 50 years in her new book, All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation. (New York magazine ran a cover story adapted from the book last week, a viral essay about the (Link): value of the single woman’s vote in this election cycle.)
    • All the Single Ladies argues that single women, “untethered from the energy-sucking and identity-sapping institution of marriage in its older forms,” have long played crucial roles in our country’s defining social movements, from abolitionism to suffragism to feminism.

    Continue reading “Why Single Women Have Baby Fear Of Missing Out – via Daily Beast”

    Critique of: Why Single Men May Not Be Having the Most Fun by W. B. Wilcox (who tends to be a marriage idolater and anti-singles bigot)

    Critique of: Why Single Men May Not Be Having the Most Fun by W. B. Wilcox (who tends to be a marriage idolater and anti-singles bigot)

    I would encourage you to take anything this Wilcox guy says with a huge grain of salt, especially if it pertains to singleness. 

    Wilcox is a huge marriage idolater and is anti-singleness. He has the tendency to write anti-singles editorials in a push to elevate marriage. I’ve written of his anti-singless, singleness fear mongering before (Link): here.

    Wilcox seems to feel that if he can scare singles about being single – such as telling us that being single will increase our odds of being raped or getting toe nail fungus or growing a third hand out of our heads – that this will motivate all us singles to run out and marry right away.

    Of course, one problem with that view is that there are plenty of singles who do want to marry but are unable to find a partner (see this link as one example, see this link for additional commentary).

    These anti-singles marriage idolaters (like Wilcox) just ASSUME all or most singles HATE marriage and are intentionally avoiding it, when such is not the case for all singles.

    Guys like Wilcox have this terribly biased view that married life is the only way to go for anyone, that to improve a society or culture, everyone should marry (and marry in their 20s), and live out the 1950s nuclear family Ward and June Cleaver lifestyle, and he (like a lot of my fellow conservatives) is very put off that so many people are opting out of marriage, or just staying single whatever the reason.

    So, these marriage idolaters do everything they can to write pages claiming that being single is not as safe, healthy, fun, or wise for individuals or culture as marriage supposedly is.

    Articles like this also fail to take into account the “equally yoked” teaching which exists among Christians, a rule which prohibits Christian singles from marrying Non-Christian persons.

    The problem with this is that for every single Christian man, there are 55 million single Christian women (no, that’s not an exact figure – it’s my way of saying… There are not enough single males for the single religious ladies who want to marry).

    At one point in his article, Wilcox goes on and on about how lonely some single guy is who he discusses as an example of how crummy single life can be for some men.

    True, being single can be or feel lonely at times – but so too can being in a marriage.

    I was in a long term, serious relationship, and there were times that although I was sitting in the same room as my fiance, I still felt all alone, because the ass hat (my fiance) was not meeting my emotional needs; he did not care to, he was terribly self absorbed. I blogged more about that (Link): here, in this older post if you’d like to read that.

    I did a blog post about (Link): women whose husbands developed early dementia – once their husband’s minds “went,” the husbands ceased being being friends and companions to their wives and became large, dependent children.

    Having a romantic partner is no guarantee you won’t experience loneliness.

    Articles like this one I am linking to you here in this post just perpetuate the notion that there is something “wrong” with being single, or that being single is not “as good” as being married.

    I’m not sure if Wilcox is a Christian or not, but I do know that there is nothing in the Bible that says that being married is better than being single, or that everyone being married “cures” society of its problems.

    I would not be surprised if singles advocate Bella DePaulo doesn’t, in the future, refute this page by Wilcox in (Link): her column over at Psychology Today – or, you know, it looks like (Link, off site): she’s already refuted the Wilcox page, in a fashion.

    Edit (Feb 15, 2016). Ms. DePaulo dropped by and left a comment below. I wanted to edit this post to add a link she left in her comment, and one other one:

    This Wilcox piece is singles shaming at its finest – painting singleness as though it’s some mental or physical health problem that needs the cure of marriage. Or, you could say it is a form of ‘singles concern trolling,’ I guess.

    Views such as Wilcox’s also suggest that a person cannot or does not become a “whole” person or a mature person unless or until he or she marries – something which the Bible does not endorse at all. A person does not have to marry or become a parent in order to reach maturity or wholeness.

    Also note how often Wilcox seems to be stressing people marry in their 20s in his essay – marriage idolaters such as this show no consideration for anyone over 30 or 40 or older who would like to marry but who find themselves single. Marriage-pushers such as Wilcox come across as being very ageist.

    (Link): Why Single Men May Not Be Having the Most Fun By W. Bradford Wilcox

    Excerpts:

    Bradford Wilcox is the (Link): director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and a senior fellow of the (Link): Institute for Family Studies. He is the coauthor of “Soul Mates: Religion, Sex, Love, and Marriage Among African Americans and Latinos.”

    ———————–

    …Oh, the life of the young single man. Pop culture’s depiction of young men’s single years as impossibly fun, footloose and fancy-free has a certain purchase in our culture. It’s one reason why plenty of young men look at marriage as a “ball and chain,” but that mind-set can have a number of downsides.

    Continue reading “Critique of: Why Single Men May Not Be Having the Most Fun by W. B. Wilcox (who tends to be a marriage idolater and anti-singles bigot)”

    Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos

    Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos

    (Link):  Husband-hunting is the worst part of a Christian upbringing by B. Ramos 

    Excerpts:

    • Christianity made me obsessed with finding a husband 
    • June 30, 2015
    • …Now that I am “old” and married with two kids at the age of 31 (and wasn’t married as I intended at 21), I’m so glad I didn’t go down that road. There’s nothing technically wrong with young marriage, though I personally believe and will tell my children that it’s so, so important to take time to get to know yourself and other people before you make a lifelong commitment.
    • There is something wrong with being coerced and even brainwashed into thinking you need to get married at a young age to be complete — in the eyes of God and in the eyes of other people.
    • No, I did not grow up in a Duggar-like cult. I grew up in a fundamental Christian home, which was quite common for my area of South Texas.
    • I’ve spoken to a number of friends, including my husband who was the son of a Baptist pastor, and our stories match up.
    • Young people are still being led to believe that young marriage (implying abstinence from sex) is the only way to please God, and these young people who follow this path are not being told the whole story.

    Continue reading “Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos”

    Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It

    Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It

    A few excerpts by a single adult who was pressured to marry by her church but later regretted the marriage and divorced:

    (Link): Singles ‘Need’ The Freedom To Choose by All Thinx Christian

    • I would never have thought the church would be a place where people were compelled to be married, but I found out the hard way that it is.
    • …Despite my yieldedness  and commitment to the LORD and His people, I was somewhat marginalized and often treated badly (disrespected and short-changed whenever possible) by God’s people.
    • When I complained about and challenged this behavior in one of the pastors I highly regarded and who was my mentor at the time, he informed me the problem with giving me full leadership support and integrating me into the life of the church was due to unmarried state. He said to me “If you were married, it would be different.”
    • After about another year of this very painful treatment and believing that the only reason for it was because I was unmarried, one day I went before the LORD and said “If marriage is what it will take for me to be properly treated in the church, then send me somebody and I will marry him.”

    Continue reading “Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It”

    Hey, Justice Kennedy: You don’t need to shame singles to uphold marriage by L. Bonos

    Hey, Justice Kennedy: You don’t need to shame singles to uphold marriage by L. Bonos

    The following secular editorial responding to the recent SCOTUS decision in favor of homosexual marriage (which I don’t agree with), is the same situation that occurs among conservative Christians in regards to heterosexual marriage and singleness.

    Even putting homosexual marriage aside, a lot of conservative Christians get upset by things like the high rate of divorce among heterosexuals, and they lament that heteros are not marrying anymore or not until later in life.

    Therefore, you will find these incredibly rude and obnoxious blog posts, radio commentary, or magazine articles by Christians who seek to defend and encourage marriage by insulting singleness. (I would encourage you to scroll down to the bottom of this post, under the “Related Posts” section to see links to examples of that.)

    There are Christians, preachers, and churches who think they can make singleness sound so horrible that they can scare singles into getting married.

    Part of the problem with this odious approach is that it misses the problem – a lot of people would like to get married, they are simply unable to find the right partner. Such singles are not “anti marriage.” They want to get married but cannot.

    Then you have Christians, preachers, and churches who think the way to encourage singles to marry is to say all manner of disrespectful, awful, or fear-provoking things about singleness, and to repeat bogus studies (which have been refuted by Bella DePaulo – see (Link): this page (off site link) for but one example; she has many other pages debunking anti-singleness studies ) stating that singles get sick more often, are unhappier than, or die sooner than their married counter parts.

    There is really no need to defend or build up marriage by slighting singleness. For a Christian to do so is even more insulting, since the Bible fully supports singleness (see 1 Corinthians 7), and Jesus Christ never married and never had children.

    Regarding the discussion below about singles being lonely: some singles are. I find myself lonely at times. However, I was also in a long term serious relationship years ago for several years, and I was lonely while IN that relationship. There were times I sat in the same room as my fiance’ and felt all alone anyway.

    So, being in a relationship is not going to make loneliness totally disappear. There are a lot of boyfriends or husbands who emotionally neglect their sweethearts, which leaves those women feeling lonely.

    It’s not necessary to defend marriage by insulting singleness.

    (Link): Hey, Justice Kennedy: You don’t need to shame singles to uphold marriage by L. Bonos

    • You’ve probably read the (Link): last paragraph of Justice Anthony Kennedy’s opinion holding that same-sex couples have the constitutional right to marry. It’s a beautiful description of the love and companionship that can be found in a happy, thriving marriage. It also contains a sentence that insults unmarried Americans ( (Link): about 44 percent of U.S. adults [update by Christian Pundit: the figure, as of 2014, is actually (Link): about 51%]]) of all sexual orientations.
    • [Kennedy’s comment]:
    • “Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions.” This plus another line, about midway through Kennedy’s opinion, casts the unmarried as lonely: “Marriage responds to the universal fear that a lonely person might call out only to find no one there.”
    • …Yes, loneliness is a universal fear, but marriage isn’t the only cure — nor is it always a cure. If it were, (Link): the divorce rate would be a lot closer to zero.
    • The word “lonely” isn’t what’s so hurtful in here. Everyone — married or single, gay or straight, celibate or the opposite — has pangs of loneliness. The offensive part is that it casts marriage as a full life and singles’ lives as doomed to sadness.

    Continue reading “Hey, Justice Kennedy: You don’t need to shame singles to uphold marriage by L. Bonos”

    Don’t Listen to Assh-les Who Tell You When to Have Kids

    Don’t Listen to Assh-les Who Tell You When to Have Kids

    This editorial applies to anyone and everyone, but I’ve noticed that evangelicals, Baptists, and other conservative Christians are quite fond of shaming, arguing, or guilt tripping Christians into getting married and having children and by a certain age.

    I would encourage you to click through and read this entire link below. I am not in the mood to copy or paste the whole thing here, and some people don’t like it when you reproduce an entire blog post from their blog on yours.

    So do click through to read the whole thing, because there are huge chunks of arguments this author raises to defend you making your own choices on when to have children rather than being shamed into having kids when other people say you should – ones that don’t appear in my excerpts below.

    (Link): Don’t Listen to Assh-les Who Tell You When to Have Kids

    Excerpts

    • by Tracy Moore
    • For the first time in seven years, the birth rate has (Link): risen. The 1 percent increase is attributed to women in their 30s and 40s popping ‘em out a smidge faster.

    • But, before you begin to celebrate the expansion of motherhood’s age range, here are a bunch of statistics from a piece at Quartz that says that those older moms and dads are miserable—and that it’s high time they stopped pretending otherwise.

    Continue reading “Don’t Listen to Assh-les Who Tell You When to Have Kids”

    True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues – and a rebuttal to John Morgan’s comment on the page

    True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues

    I think this was published about a year ago. I just saw it today. It showed up on my Twitter feed.

    The woman who wrote this says she is 27 years old (or was at the time this was written). I am over the age of 40 and am still a virgin due to many of the same reasons this author cites for her situation, though I never joined or took part in “True Love Waits.”

    If she thinks lack of support from the Christian community is bad when she is 27, it only GETS WORSE the older you get.

    Her generation is not the first to struggle with this lack of support – again, I am Gen X, and the church does not, and has not, supported virgins who are over the age of 30 now.

    She writes,

    • We need help navigating singleness in our twenties and thirties.

    Anyone and everyone over the age of 30 needs help with this.

    I’m in my 40s and would have appreciated help at “navigating singleness” as a 40 something. You don’t suddenly stop needing support as a single once you hit 40 or older.

    I have additional remarks BELOW this long editorial:

    (Link): True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues by  Rachel Mueller

    • In an era of delayed marriage and open sexuality, how does advice to “wait until marriage” still make sense?
    • I have a confession to make: I am a twenty-seven (and a half) year-old virgin.No, I was not homeschooled. I was raised in a fairly normal household. I attended a public high school and a private liberal arts college. I like to drink red wine and tequila.
    • … I’m pretty much your typical Evangelical Millennial.
    • Except, according to a December 2009 study by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, I’m in a minority of people: those who have kept their virginity, even among those who claim to be religious.

    Continue reading “True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues – and a rebuttal to John Morgan’s comment on the page”