Woman Realizes Having Open Relationship Bothers Her / Married Couple Confront Each Other About Their Other Sexual Partners via Cosmo Magazine

Woman Realizes Having Open Relationship Bothers Her / Married Couple Confront Each Other About Their Other Sexual Partners via Cosmo Magazine 

I do have some problems with how conservatives (including conservative Christians not just secular social conservatives) deal with the topic of sex (hey, about 65% of my blog posts are about that topic). However, your liberals can be problematic in this area as well.

Liberals like to believe sex has no consequences, not physical nor emotional.

However, at the same time, they scream on their blogs against abstinence-only public school sex education and yell that women should receive tax-payer funded birth control, abortion should be legally and widely available, and so on.

Liberals tend to downplay the possible physical ramifications of sex, especially for women, when speaking or writing for women (ie, sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancy), to teach women that being trampy is not shameful but is feminist and empowering. I find that liberals sometimes speak out of both sides of their mouth on this topic.

Secular feminists also like to tell women (especially the younger, naive ones) that they won’t have any emotional fall-out from having sex.

I’ve known women (in person) and read of too many testimonies by women online and in magazines to know that is not always so.

Plenty of people do have issues accepting that their partner has a sexual history or has cheated on them with another person.

Here is another example  or two of this being the case (I have not watched the video on the page with the video.)

I will also link to a page I saw recently by a woman who said she was initially fine and accepting of her poly-whatever boyfriend but after so many months of dating the guy, knowing he was emotionally growing attached to the other women he was dating and having sex with disturbed her.

(Link): I Tried an Open Relationship—and It Was a Disaster 

Excerpts:

• by Sophie S. Thomas
• Three ways I’m better at being monogamous now.
• …Jack [the writer’s boyfriend] was polyamorous. And because I was in love with him, I wanted to go with the flow and make it work. I tried for three years to do things his way — I’d sometimes sleep with other people while he sometimes went on dates with potential new partners.

Christian, Family Values Vlogger – Austin Null – Caught Sexting

Christian, Family Values Vlogger – Austin Null – Caught Sexting

I think I first saw this story on Twitter, and it was later picked up by SCCL (“Stuff Christian Culture Likes”) Facebook group (they are discussing the story (Link): here)

Because of stories like this one, I’m really skeptical about the “be equally yoked” teaching that married Christians insist marriage-minded singles adhere to.

I would assume that both the husband and wife in this Null marriage are Christians – what on earth is the point in a Christian woman marrying a Christian, if the Christian husband turns around and does things like have affairs on the wife, sends nude photos of himself to other people online, and so on?

On a side note here, I’m perplexed at how and why so many “family values” Christians keep blaming things like secular feminism on the downfall of culture.

I don’t see how secular feminism bears the blame for this married Christian man sending nude photos of himself to a mistress. It seems to me that is his responsibility alone, not secular feminism, or the sexual revolution of the 1960s.

I also think this is a blow to the teaching about marriage and dating one sees from some Christians which goes like this: you have to become perfect or really godly to earn a spouse from God.

If God is permitting imperfect ass-clowns like this Null guy to have a wife – a guy who cheats on her by sending nudie photos of himself to strangers on the internet – I seriously doubt God sits about saying, “I refuse to send a spouse to this adult single over here for cutting someone off in traffic two weeks ago.”

Christians often like to tell teen aged kids that if they just wait until marriage to have sex, that the sex will be frequent and great. If married Christian sex is so great, why was this married Christian man getting his rocks off sending nudie photos of himself to someone else?

(Link):   Austin Null of The Nive Nulls ADMITS to CHEATING for FIVE Months!

• Austin and Britt Null uploaded an impromptu vlog entitled, “WE NEED TO TALK”, on their YouTube channel–The Nive Nulls. Austin and Brit discuss nude images and video that has surfaced of Austin Null being inappropriate with several intimate household objects. Austin says this issue has been a big part of the both of their lives for one year!

The Islamic Billy Graham Rule – Unmarried Muslim People Are Punished For Being Alone Together

The Islamic Billy Graham Rule – Unmarried Muslim People Are Punished For Being Alone Together

Just when I think I’m done blogging on this blog for the day (and I do have other stuff to do off-line), I keep seeing pertinent stuff show up all over the internet.

This turned up on my Twitter feed:

(Link): Indonesia: Police Beat Couple with Canes for Sharia Crime of Being Alone Together

• Islamic sharia law was enforced with canes once again in Indonesia this week, including the cane beatings of a man and woman whose “crime” was being alone together in a guest room.
• This was no crazed mob action, either, as (Link): CNN reports the sentence was handed down by a judge, and imposed by a special police unit “charged with finding people who violate sharia law.”
• “The form of Islamic law is enforced in a very strict way in the area, including prohibiting unmarried people of different genders from being alone together,” CNN observes.

This totally reminds me of the insipid, sexist, ineffective, stupid, anti-singles Christian “Billy Graham Rule,” which I have blogged about before here (this view seems to turn up more in Christian gender complementarianism than it does Christian gender egalitarianism):

• (Link): Reclaiming Stolen Friendships – a blog post criticizing the Sexist, Anti – Singles Christian Billy Graham Rule
• (Link): Christians Should Stop Defending the Billy Graham Rule / How I Learned to Stop Worrying About the Billy Graham Rule and Love Like Jesus by T. Grigg
• (Link): Think The “Billy Graham Rule” Would Have Saved Tullian? Think Again… (Billy Graham rule has all Christians treating single adult women as though they are harlots who cannot be trusted)

Except under the Christian BGR (Billy Graham Rule), you will get isolated, “tsk tsked,” or suspected of being a slut, rather than get whipped with a cane.

Also, and this is kind of funny in a sad way, Christians are stricter on this rule than the Muslims, in that they also look askance at single women who are alone with MARRIED men.

Single Christian women are doomed to live and die alone, because Christians who are inappropriately applying the “avoid even the appearance of evil” verse are ostracizing single women from every one, from other singles and from the marrieds. Similar the Islamic sharia rule that prohibits singles from being together.

Another dumb, oblivious, and naive thing about the BGR is that often times, married Christians end up having affairs with other married Christians.

Yet, I don’t usually see the same level of paranoia from Christians about married Christian women hanging out with married Christian men as I do the warnings about men being around un-married (single) women.

Here are some more links about the story (off site):

(Link):  The whipping girl: Screaming in agony, a woman collapses as she and a man are caned under Sharia law in Indonesia merely for being ‘seen in close proximity’ to each other without being married

• The woman was accused of getting too close to a fellow university student
• As the pair are unmarried, she had committed an offence under Sharia law
• She was brought to a mosque where she was caned in front of a crowd
• The woman received five lashes and at end had to be taken to hospital

(Link):  Crowd cheers as woman is brutally caned for being seen near man who wasn’t her husband

• Dec 29, 2015
• by Ruth Halkon
• Nur Elita, 20, had to be taken away in an ambulance after being beaten in public outside her mosque under Sharia law
• A crowd cheered as a young woman screamed in agony as she was repeatedly caned in punishment for being in ‘close proximity’ to a man she wasn’t married to.Nur Elita, 20, had to be removed from Baiturrahumim Mosque in Banda Aceh, Indonesia, in an ambulance after she was brutally punished for allegedly showing affection towards another university student.Under Sharia law, men and women who are unmarried and unrelated are not allowed to get too close.

 (Link):  Couple caned for violating Sharia law

• Dec 31 2015
• Officials in Banda Aceh, Indonesia, held a public caning Monday. At the end of the punishment, she collapsed on the floor and was carried off the stage into an ambulance and rushed to hospital. Indonesia enforce strict Islamic laws including prohibiting unmarried people from having sex.
• Cheers went up as a masked man caned the woman, as a punishment for being “seen in close proximity” to a man she wasn’t married to, under Sharia law.
• The young Acehnese woman is caned in public, a punishment under the Islamic sharia law.
• Banda Aceh’s Deputy Mayor Zainal Arifin, who stood among the crowd, explained to bystanders that the punishments were meant to be a lesson for all and not simply entertainment.
• After her ordeal, 23-year-old Wahyudi Saputra, the man whom she was alleged to have been in close proximity with breached was also striked. “And also, those who have been convicted are reminded not to repeat the same mistakes”, he added.

(Link):  Woman accused of ‘affectionate contact’ with man caned in Indonesia

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Related Posts:

(Link): Similar Views of Women Between Christian Gender Complmentarians and Islamic Group ISIS

(Link): Extremist Muslims Like Family Values Too – Muslims are joining ISIS / ISIL (extremist Islamic group) because they believe it supports “Family Values” – When Christianity and Islam sound alike

(Link):  Evangelicals are Rethinking Friendship and Sexuality 

(Link):  Non-Romantic Nearness, The Billy Graham Rule, and Pope John Paul’s Friendship With a Married Woman

(Link):  Jesus Christ was not afraid to meet alone with known Prostitutes / Steven Furtick and Elevation Church Perpetuating Anti Singles Bias – ie, Single Women are Supposedly Sexual Temptresses, All Males Can’t Control Their Sex Drives – (but this view conflicts with evangelical propaganda that married sex is great and frequent)

(Link):  Patriarchy tends to sexualize all male / female relationships (article via Junia Project blog)

Link):  Southern Baptists Pushing Early Marriage, Baby Making – Iranians Pushing Mandatory Motherhood – When Christians Sound Like Muslims

(Link): Why Christians Need To Stress Spiritual Family Over the Nuclear Family – People with no flesh and blood relations including Muslims who Convert to Christianity – Also: First World, White, Rich People Problems

(Link): Modesty Teachings – When Mormons Sound like Christians and Gender Complementarians

(Link): Mormons and Christians Make Family, Marriage, Having Children Into Idols

(Link):  Topics: Friendship is Possible / Sexualization By Culture Of All Relationships

(Link):  Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear (Re: How Sexist Christian Views Marginalize and Isolate Adult, Single Women and Maintain Other Stereotypes About Adult Singles)

(Link):   How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link):  Hey Ed Stetzer: Opposite Gender Friendships Are Not Sinful – Ed Stetzer’s Advice: “Avoid Any Hint” – More Like: Re Enforce UnBiblical Stereotypes About Men, Women, Sex, and Singles

(Link):  Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual

(Link):  Pervy Preacher from Seattle who teaches men “to objectify women, by his over emphasis of sexualization of women and subservience” (Re Driscoll) Purity

(Link):  Brotherly Love: Christians and Male-Female Friendships

 

Reclaiming Stolen Friendships – a post from Sanity’s Cove Blog – a blog post criticizing the Sexist, Anti – Singles Christian Billy Graham Rule

Reclaiming Stolen Friendships – a blog post criticizing the Sexist, Anti – Singles Christian Billy Graham Rule

The following blog post is so excellent, I am hard pressed just to highlight one or two paragraphs.

I would encourage you to click the link below and visit their page to read the whole essay.

I believe the blog post author also has a book for sale on this topic, and that looks like a book worth purchasing and checking out.

(Link): Reclaiming Stolen Friendships

Excerpt:

Having close friendships with members of the opposite gender is healthy, biblical and important for spiritual growth. But in the name of integrity, the church sometimes raises walls that keep us from meaningful brother-sister friendships in Christ.

These divisions are neither biblical nor in line with church history at its best.

And contrary to their promise of safety, adhering to them actually puts us at greater risk of sexual immorality, not less.

Many churches employ the terms “brother” and “sister”—but in such as way as to empty them of any real meaning. Some now teach that men and women should never be close friends, believing that mixed friendships will lead into sexual sin or “emotional” affairs.

Others may admit that men and women can share friendship—but then they burden it with a thousand qualifications.

One well known church website boasts of how none of the church staff ever “has lunch with someone of the opposite sex” or “rides alone in the car with someone of the opposite sex.” Boundaries abound.

Sadly, though these rules have become commonplace over the last 20 years, adhering to them does not appear to have made us any purer.

Married Youth Pastor Jailed for Sexually Assaulting Teen Girl Writes Editorial About Said Abuse for Christianity Today, Uproar Ensues On Christian Blogs

Married Youth Pastor Jailed for Sexually Assaulting Teen Girl Writes Editorial About Said Abuse for Christianity Today, Uproar Ensues On Christian Blogs
—————————————–
Don’t forget, I may not be blogging as much or as often in the future, if at all.
See this link (Link): [Blog Break] for more info.
—————————————–
There has been an uproar the last day or so, ever since Christianity Today published a long page by a jailed sex offender who preyed on a teen girl.

I don’t know the man’s name because the piece was published anonymously. I shall here after refer to the author, the convicted sex offender, as “Mr. Perverted Youth Pastor,” or “Mr. PYP” for short.

The author of the piece, Mr. PYP, is in his 30s, and he worked as a youth pastor. He was jailed for statutory rape of one of his female church students under his charge, a young lady he began to groom for exploitation when she was around 11 or 12 years old.

Mr. PYP said in his piece published by Christianity Today that he found the attention from the young lady flattering and intoxicating, and felt his wife was not paying him enough attention, and IIRC, I think he mentioned that the wife was not putting out enough (sexually), or whatever. (I only skimmed the guy’s story, I did not read all of it closely.)

The thing is, a grown man of age 30 should not be seeking validation from an 11 or 16 year old girl – that is not only morally wrong, perverted, and gross, but absolutely pathetic.

I think the editors at Christianity Today intended for this pervert’s essay to be a helpful warning to Christian men not to get too close to women (or something along those lines), and which unfortunately also plays into false stereotypes about the genders, but the guy who wrote the page, Mr. PYP, never fully and unambiguously owns his sin, moral failing, and crime, so it comes across as though he’s excusing and justifying his behavior.

There’s a bit of “victim blaming” in the piece on Mr. PYP’s part, where he uses terminology such as,
“When WE [he and the young lady he was victimizing] decided to end the affair, I felt that…”

I don’t feel like summarizing the guy’s entire story and situation on my blog, so click here to read his page (“My Easy Trip from Youth Minister to Felon”) and read it for yourself.

The aspect of this story I am interested in for the purpose of this blog is that here he is, he is a married adult (with, IIRC, a kid of his own), he worked as a pastor, and yet he also sexually exploited a young lady, and I will explain further below why this interests me.

Another aspect I am interested in regarding this story is that Mr. PYP does not take full responsibility for his actions in the piece, and he classifies his sexual exploitation of the young lady as an “extra martial affair.”

Now, I, to a point, do regard his actions towards her as an “extra marital affair” because he was a MARRIED man who was sleeping with this girl – he was in fact sleeping around on his wife, but of course, his actions are more than just a standard extra-martial affair, because he was taking advantage of a young lady.

In my opinion, his actions contain traits of both situations, sexual abuse as well as an extra-marital affair.

There are a few other writers online who disagree with my view on this; they think his actions were 100% sexual abuse and that the phrase “extra marital affair” should not even be used when discussing this case, but I never- the- less see a tinge of extra-marital affair in the situation as well (but on the man’s part only; I am not blaming the girl at all).

I am simply saying that yes, while Mr. PYP did sexually abuse a teen girl, that in doing so, he also violated his marital vows to his wife to remain faithful to the wife – which to me can categorize his actions as being an affair as well as being sexual abuse.

Why I am interested in this story:

As I have pointed out time and time again on the blog, Christians have several falsehoods and fairy tales and stereotypes about marriage, sex, dating, gender relations, and whom they feel a Christian should marry.

Many conservative Christians believe that married people are immune from sexual sin. Christians falsely believe if a man is married, he must be getting steady, regular, hot sexy sex from his wife, and he therefore will not use porn, fondle kids, or have mistresses. This is of course naive and incorrect, because even men married to sexy wives, who get regular, great sex from the wife, still use porn and have affairs.

Brotherly Love: Christians and Male-Female Friendships

Brotherly Love: Christians and Male-Female Friendships

Christian culture gets sex and gender all wrong. Yes, men and women can be friends and can hang out together – whether married or single – and sex will not, and does not, have to happen. It seems to me it is secular culture that fosters the stereotype that men and women can never be platonic friends, and the church has bought into this lie, which ultimately alienates anyone over age of 30 who is still single.

(Link): Brotherly Love: Christians and Male-Female Friendships

Excerpts:

We relate to the opposite sex in the best source of community we know, the church.

by Anna Broadway

Wary of how these friendships can turn into romances and affairs, plenty of evangelicals advise against them. At a recent Southern Baptist conference on sexuality, pastor Kie Bowman suggested men not “get in a car (alone) with woman who is not your wife unless she’s your mother’s age.” On the other end of the spectrum, Christian writers like Dan Brennan and Jonalyn Fincher argue that “cross-sex friendships” are worth the risk, even if one or both of the friends are married.

… What do we mean when we talk about male-female or cross-sex friendships? In The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis says that friendship has to be about something — that it’s a posture of two or more people standing side by side, discussing a truth they see in common. Lovers, by contrast, stand face to face and focus more on each other.

As even this simple word picture conveys, a lover-type, face-to-face relationship doesn’t leave much room for others. But a side-by-side friendship easily expands from two to several people. In fact, small groups of friends often share richer conversations than only two could.

Think men on online dating sites are dodgy? Meet the sex-mad women! (Brit article) (One man mentions that his marriage was sexless for years)

Think men on online dating sites are dodgy? Meet the sex-mad women! (Brit article)

This is interesting to me, because Non Christian and Christian culture insist that only men want sex while women do not.

Men are portrayed as wanting sex or liking sex, but women are portrayed as hating sex or being un-interested in it.

One of the men interviewed says his marriage was sexless for several years.

LOL! Christians lie through their teeth when they tell virgins to “wait for marriage for sex, the sex will be great.” No, it’s not. Some people don’t have any sex after marriage.

Some of the dudes interviewed admit that they had affairs on their wives. One guy who is 44 or 45 said his wife died when she was 39.

From a British site:
(Link): Think men on online dating sites are dodgy? Meet the sex-mad women! (Brit article)

Excerpts.

Four men explain that it’s not just male oddballs you find on the Internet

Being a widow and single fatherhood have affected their online dating lives

Undeterred by their dating mishaps, they are still looking for love online

By ANTONIA HOYLE
PUBLISHED: 19:09 EST, 29 January 2014 | UPDATED: 19:09 EST, 29 January 2014

We’ve all heard about the bad behaviour of men who date online: the married ones just out for casual sex, the ‘successful businessmen’ who turn out to be minicab drivers and the ‘spontaneous risk takers’ who are, in truth, crashing bores.

But as it is reported that one in every five relationships now begins via the web, four men turn the tables and reveal to Antonia Hoyle their often hilarious encounters with women looking for love…

Tears when I turned down sex

Peter Jones, 45, an author from Southend-on-Sea, Essex, started internet dating seven years ago after his wife Kate, an entrepreneur, died suddenly of a brain haemorrhage, aged just 39.

My date interrupted my nervous small talk to ask about the platinum band on my finger.

‘It’s my wedding ring,’ I said.

Looking at her horrified expression, I added hastily: ‘My wife died.’

Her disgust turned to sympathy, but it was an awkward introduction to internet dating.

The next day I changed my profile to read ‘widowed a few months ago’. I didn’t want to make a big deal of it, but I hoped a brief summary of my marital status would explain my presence online.

I also hoped, selfishly, it would persuade my dates that I wasn’t to blame for my single status; that there was a legitimate, if tragic, reason.

Kate had suffered a sudden brain haemorrhage a year earlier in September 2006. We’d been married two years and her death left a gaping hole in my life. I couldn’t imagine finding anyone to replace her, but I knew she would want me to be happy.

I naively thought internet dating would be easy. I had no idea what a thick skin I’d need.

When I wasn’t ignored, it often felt as if I were on a production line. One woman I met in a bar early on claimed haughtily that she’d been out with a man called Mike the day before and was meeting another called Steve the following day.

I was sandwiched between the two! I told her it didn’t feel very special, but she didn’t care.

I slept with two women in those early months; both after our first dates. Neither answered my calls afterwards.

The sense of rejection following such physical intimacy was awful, prompting me to instigate a ‘no sex on the first date’ rule.

‘One 40-something secretary burst into tears at the end of an otherwise enchanting evening because I wouldn’t sleep with her’

‘I’ve spent the day cleaning my house and getting ready,’ she sobbed.

Sadly, a date in 2008 with a 35-year-old mature student that blossomed into a promising relationship ended after because she was jealous of Kate.

She wanted me to get rid of her picture from my wallet and mantelpiece. I refused, determined to keep Kate’s memory alive.

For all the setbacks, my confidence grew. Last year, I uploaded a better profile picture; women, I learned, like men to look moody.

Soon, I was inundated. And I’ve learned to be savvy.

One 45-year-old sent me a picture of herself six months ago posing stark naked in bed.

After staring at my screen wild-eyed in horror, I spotted a tiny tattoo of a tiger on her shoulder. It provided my get out clause. ‘I’m terribly sorry, I have a phobia of tattoos,’ I emailed.

For the past two months, I’ve been seeing a writer four years my senior. I’m hoping my search may be over. I have also written a book, How To Start Dating And Stop Waiting, which is being published on Valentine’s Day.

I still wear my wedding ring, and I’ll never forget my wife, but I’m happy again and, of that, she would be proud.

Oklahoma to End Marriage and Make Divorce More Difficult – News Links (One report says more early marriage in Okla. seems to lead to more divorce)

Oklahoma to End Marriage and Make Divorce More Difficult – News Links

Oklahoma politicians want to make divorce more difficult to obtain, except in cases of abuse and adultery. Other Oklahoma politicians want to do away with marriage altogether.

(Link): To keep same-sex marriage illegal, Oklahoma lawmaker proposes ban on all marriages

OKLAHOMA CITY, Jan. 27 (UPI) — An Oklahoma state lawmaker is so dedicated to keeping same-sex marriage illegal in his state that he has introduced a bill banning all marriages.

(Link): Lawmakers Consider Preventing ALL Marriage In Oklahoma

Jan 24, 2014
Updated: Jan 24, 2014 4:51 PM CST
By Michael Konopasek

OKLAHOMA CITY – State lawmakers are considering throwing out marriage in Oklahoma.

The idea stems from a bill filed by Rep. Mike Turner (R-Edmond). Turner says it’s an attempt to keep same-sex marriage illegal in Oklahoma while satisfying the U.S. Constitution. Critics are calling it a political stunt while supporters say it’s what Oklahomans want.

Wife Says Her Husband Almost Left Her After Having an Emotional Affair with CoWorker

Wife Says Her Husband Almost Left Her After Having an Emotional Affair with CoWorker

LOL. Yes, married people are so much more godly and mature and sexually pure than singles. LOL.

(Link): Ask Amy

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency,
Ask Amy: Advice for the Real World
Posted 12/12/2013 at 5:30 pm EST

DEAR AMY: My husband and I have been together for more than 31 years and for the most part have had an amazing marriage and partnership. He is truly my life partner.

I am, though, struggling with my insecurity stemming from an “emotional affair” he had with a colleague about six years ago. They had the opportunity to travel together and connected emotionally. He said he was unhappy with our marriage and fantasized about being with this other woman. He got to the point that he was willing to leave our marriage to pursue this relationship. I felt blindsided.

Fortunately, he did not act on his emotions, and after marriage counseling and reigniting our commitment our marriage has blossomed into something wonderful; I am truly blessed.

However, he still works with this person. Although they no longer travel alone, she occasionally joins him for business dinners. They have gone to lunch alone and he has to interact with her daily. He is open with me, and I am grateful for that.

However, I sometimes let fear take control, which opens the door to the insecurity. I worry about our relationship and fear that I will be blindsided once again. How do I move past this? How do I let go of the fear and totally trust him? — Blindsided Wife