Even If You’re Married You Can Die Alone – Elderly Married Couple Found Dead

Even If You’re Married You Can Die Alone – Elderly Married Couple Found Dead

Sad story linked to below.

One scare tactic people (usually my fellow conservatives) will pull on singles to get them to hurry up and marry is to tell them that if they remain single, they will die alone, or that being married some how makes dying easier.

By the way, side note, here – if the church did its job and acted as spiritual family to everyone, instead of focusing on their blood relations, then elderly single people who are unrelated to them would do just fine.

A  Christian man or woman should not have to marry to have “family” look after them – if churches stopped worshipping The Nuclear Family and actually got off their marriage-worshipping asses, they could look after elderly people who live alone!

Anyway, about this view that you should marry or have to so that you won’t die alone: this is a pretty dumb argument, because married people die alone all the time.

My mother died in the wee hours of the morning in a hospital. She was supposed to be there for only about a week before returning home.

My father and I were not with her when she passed – we got a phone call from the nursing staff that she had passed away. My mother was married to my father. Her being married did not prevent her from dying, nor was my father with her when she died.

In this story below, an elderly married couple died.  They were ‘kind of’ together when they died, but it did not help them.

The husband in the story had dementia, and the wife could not walk, or not walk well.

The husband accidentally drove off the road, got the car stuck in the mud, left his wife in the car to go get help, walked down the street – he died (not sure if he had a heart attack of what).

His wife died in the car, some X feet away from her husband who was dead on the road side.

She was in the car alone in temperatures over 80 degrees. (Remember, she could not walk, or found it difficult, and her son or the cops or whomever, found her wheelchair back at her house, it was not in the car with her.)

Okay: so you can be married and still end up dying. You can end up dying alone.

I’m not sure if your husband dying a few feet of where you are (as in this story) would be any more comforting than your husband not being there at all.

So to all the singleness-shamers out there, stop telling us singles that we’ll die all alone, because you know what, married people? You may die all alone, too.

Not everyone dies in a warm, cozy bed surrounded with the smiling faces of loved ones before they kick off.

(Link):  He was his wife’s caretaker for decades but got dementia. Their deaths were ‘horrific’

BY SAMANTHA SCHMIDT

Aug 2017

…Getting around became even more difficult for the Tarnowskis – Mary, 78, and Ron, 81. The couple hardly ever left the home which their son, Karl Tarnowski, built adjacent to his own so he could keep an eye on them.

…On Saturday afternoon, eight days after the couple went missing, the family received their answer, and a tragic end to their strenuous search.

A U.S. Border Patrol helicopter found the couple’s Chevy Tahoe on an overgrown, abandoned driveway in a swampy area off the road just two miles away from the family’s hunting property.

They were near Brookston, a town about 30 miles from their Duluth home.

Continue reading “Even If You’re Married You Can Die Alone – Elderly Married Couple Found Dead”

Woman Says She is Lonely in Marriage to Husband Who Ignores Her in Favor of His Job, Watching TV, etc.

Woman Says She is Lonely in Marriage to Husband Who Ignores Her in Favor of His Job, Watching TV, etc.

A woman named San wrote to Christian program “The 700 Club” to say she’s in a marriage where her husband is ignoring her in favor of TV shows and his job and so forth. Pat Robertson’s son Gordon answered her letter.

Here is her letter to The 700 Club:

I have been very lonely in my marriage.

My husband’s priorities fall in this order: work, television, and then his phone. I have brought it to his attention so many times. I find myself only relying on God and Him being my true friend but I am still lonely.

Yes, I have God to turn to and I talk to God all day, every day, but it would be nice to have a husband in my life who I can truly share my life with. What should I do?

[signed] San

I didn’t completely agree with the host’s answer.

Continue reading “Woman Says She is Lonely in Marriage to Husband Who Ignores Her in Favor of His Job, Watching TV, etc.”

Theology of Convenience, Expediency, and Borne of Culture – Christian Preachers and Writers Diminishing Seriousness of Sexual Sin

Theology of Convenience, Expediency, and Borne of Culture – Christian Preachers and Writers Diminishing Seriousness of Sexual Sin

Because American culture has seen a rise in the number of people, even Christians, using pornography and engaging in other forms of sexual sins, I’ve seen a disturbing and curious trend among some Christians (writers, commentators, preachers) in the last few years to downplay the seriousness of sexual sin, and to try to convince other Christians to just accept sexual sin as a normal part of life and marriage now.

And the people who pay for this lowering of standards is usually women. Women are once more expected, by male Christians, to bear the brunt of male sexual sin. Christians are always asking Christian women to endure and put up with male Christian sexual sin.

A few years ago, I created this post: (Link): Male Christian Researcher Mark Regnerus Believes Single Christian Women Should Marry Male Christian Porn Addicts and Regnerus believes as such because rates of porn use among Christian men have gone up quite a bit.

Regnerus feels if too many Christian single women refuse to marry Christian male porn users, then Christian marriage will come to a grinding halt, so, he feels, single women are obligated to marry a porn user, even if they really do not want to.

Not only have I seen articles saying that porn viewing has risen among single Christian men, but I’ve seen articles noting it’s on the rise among (Link): married Christian men (and (Link): women too).

Here are a few additional articles with numbers on Christian porn use:

(Link):  Survey: Alarming rate of Christian men look at porn, commit adultery

(Link): NEW SURVEY OF PORN USE: MEN AND WOMEN WATCHING IN STARTLING NUMBERS (2016)

Christian men view porn almost as much as non-Christians

According to the research approximately 64 percent, or two thirds, of U.S. men admit to viewing porn at least monthly, with the number of Christian men nearly equaling the national average. When divided by age “eight out of ten (79%) men between the ages of 18 and 30 view pornography at least monthly, and two thirds (67%) of men between the ages of 31 and 49 view pornography at least monthly. One half of men between 50 and 68 looks at porn monthly.”

The study claims three out of every 10 men between the ages of 18 and 30 are daily viewers of porn; three percent of women in the same age group purportedly access pornography daily.

— end excerpts —

Because sexual sins are running rampant among Christianity these days, it looks to me as though many Christians have given up, and they want to cave in to culture. They basically want to downplay or redefine certain sexual behaviors as not being so bad, not being truly unbiblical, or damaging.

Almost in all examples I have come across like this, where the male Christian writer is downplaying sexual sin or asking women to “put up with it,” the ones promoting these lax views are conservative Christians who believe in sola scriptura.

Continue reading “Theology of Convenience, Expediency, and Borne of Culture – Christian Preachers and Writers Diminishing Seriousness of Sexual Sin”

Stop Telling Single People That We’re Doomed to Be Unhealthy by E. Scott

Stop Telling Single People That We’re Doomed to Be Unhealthy

(Link): Stop Telling Single People That We’re Doomed to Be Unhealthy by E. Scott

All over the internet today, you’ve probably seen some iteration of the following headline: ‘marriage is good for your health, so you’d better hurry up and get hitched unless you want to die young in some horrible way.’

Everyone’s talking about a new bit of research, which suggests that married people have better health than poor, sad, unhealthy singletons.

[Articles suggest that single adults live unhealthier life styles]

Why? Because single people are bloody miserable, apparently.

Continue reading “Stop Telling Single People That We’re Doomed to Be Unhealthy by E. Scott”

Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks

Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks

I have several topics I’d like to address here. I’m going to discuss death, grief, dating, how men are too fixated on women’s looks, etc, and so on, all in the same post.

I learned from watching the Christian program “It is Written” today (Feb 2017) that the wife of Christian TV host Mike Tucker, Gayle, died. I’m not sure when the episode was first filmed or first aired.

You can read a transcript of that episode, “From Grief To Hope” (Link, off site): here.

You might be able to watch that very episode or one like it here: (Link, off site): Coping with Grief.

I see from an online obit that Gayle Tucker passed away in April 2016.

I am sorry for his loss.

I lost my mother, and it hurt a lot.

(Link, off site):  Gayle Tucker, Beloved Marriage Counselor on Faith For Today TV, Dead at 60

April 2016 –  The prominent Adventist television personality dies after a brief struggle with pancreatic cancer.

(Link, off site):   Beloved Christian TV Host, Couples’ Counselor Dead at 60

I learned a few years ago that the hosts and backers of “It Is Written” are SDAs (Seventh Day Adventists).

I also learned from a glance over google search results that Mike Tucker is a Seventh Day Adventist.

Part of SDA theology is something called “Soul Sleep,” a view that I totally disagree with and find discouraging and cruel.

Continue reading “Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks”

‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ TV Show Scene Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like To Be Single at 40+ When You Had Wanted to Be Married

‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ TV Show Scene Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like To Be Single at 40+ When You Had Wanted to Be Married 

I just re-watched a re-run I had forgotten about. It really resonated – maybe not so much at the time, when I was in my 20s when it first aired, but now that I’m in my 40s and still single, like the character in the skit is, I totally relate.

I will embed the scene below in this post, that someone posted on You Tube (I so hope the video is never pulled down. Sometimes, videos are removed due to copyright infringement claims.)

“Everybody Loves Raymond” is a television situation comedy show that started around 1996. I used to watch it every week and still remember the characters and one or two of the episodes.

This show takes place, starts out, in the late 1990s, before many Americans had the internet – dating sites were still a good ways away, and cell phones didn’t really catch on until around the year 2,000 or a bit later.

Even when dating sites first came out and caught on, many singles did not want to use them.

Even up to around 2005 or so, there was a stigma attached to dating sites. If you used one at that time, you didn’t really want anyone to know, because they might think you were desperate or a loser.

I started watching “Everyone Loves Raymond” again in re-runs about two weeks ago – it comes on some of the local cable channels. If you’re like I am – single over the age of 35 and had expected and wanted to marry – you might really relate to the embedded video in this post, too.

To set it up for you if you’re not familiar with the show:

The show is about a guy named Ray who is married to Debra. Ray’s parents, Frank and Marie, live across the street from Ray and Debra.

Ray’s older brother, Robert (a.k.a. “Robbie”), is a police officer who lives with his parents – the guy was married to a woman name Joanne(?), and if I remember correctly, she won the house in their divorce. Joanne dumped Robert for a guy Robert arrested.

For a long time, Robert was too broke and too depressed to live on his own, so he lived with his parents. Eventually, Robert meets Amy, and they get married. But for a good long time, Robert, who is in his early 40s, is single, can’t seem to meet the right woman, and hates being single.

Continue reading “‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ TV Show Scene Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like To Be Single at 40+ When You Had Wanted to Be Married”

Complementarian and Pro Family Values Christians Claim to be Pro Woman and Pro Family But By Their Actions Show They Are Not

Complementarian and Pro Family Values Christians Claim to be Pro Woman and Pro Family But By Their Actions Show They Are Not

Complementarians claim to be respectful of women, but their theological views help to enable mistreatment of women and bar women from taking positions and roles that should go to them, if they have the skills, talents, and education.

Many Christians claim to be pro “Family Values” but in reality treat children and women (you know, who tend to be parts of families) like dirt.

Here are some posts explaining in detail or giving examples:

First post:

(Link):  When I Became a Single Mother, Patriarchy Let Me Down by Bridget Jack Jeffries (excerpts from this first link farther below)

Second post:

And by way of WW – that is (Link): Wartburg Watch – (from a February 2017 post entitled, “Ignite: Remove Alleged Rapist, Ben Roethlisberger, and Joe White, Who Is Being Sued for Child Sex Abuse Cover Up, From the Speaker Lineup!”)

Christian Liberty University is holding something called “Ignite,” which pertains to advocating godly manhood or family values, or some such. One of Ignite’s scheduled speakers is a guy named Ben Roethlisberger, who is accused of rape by at least three different women. The guy is, or was, a football player.

A sub-heading on the WW page reads: “The troubling history of rape allegations against Ben Roethlisberger”

The WW blog owners in turn link to this page in  their post about this guy here:

(Link):   Without Consequence: When Professional Athletes Are Violent Off the Field

So, a Christian university is allowing an accused rapist to speak at an event that is purportedly about encouraging men to lead godly lives.

Continue reading “Complementarian and Pro Family Values Christians Claim to be Pro Woman and Pro Family But By Their Actions Show They Are Not”

Movie Actress Halle Berry is ‘Anti-Fairytales’ after Three Failed Marriages

Movie Actress Halle Berry is ‘Anti-Fairytales’ after Three Failed Marriages

(Link): Halle Berry is ‘anti-fairytales’ after three failed marriages by D. Taylor

Halle Berry is an expert in heart break.

The 50-year-old Oscar-winning actress openly spoke about the effects three divorces have had on her life.

“I have learned to deal with three failed marriages, which has not been easy, especially when there’s children involved,” Berry shared at Saturday’s 2017 City Summit and Gala (Link): via Entertainment Tonight.

Continue reading “Movie Actress Halle Berry is ‘Anti-Fairytales’ after Three Failed Marriages”

Alpha Females Part 3 – Being a Beta Female Does Not Work, It Won’t Get You Dates, Or Keep Your Marriage in Good Shape

Alpha Females Part 3 – Being a Beta Female Does Not Work, It Won’t Get You Dates Or Keep Your Marriage in Good Shape

This commentary will be divided up among a few posts. Here is part 3.

(This post may be edited in the future to re-word things, polish things, add new thoughts or links)

Visit Part 1. | Part 2 | A Response to Venker: Re: Personal Experience

Part 4

Introduction.

For those new to my blog:

I am a right winger. I was a Republican until recently. I am now a conservative Independent.

I was a conservative Christian for many years (I am no longer sure about what my religious views are), and I (Link): Am A Former Gender Complementarian (someone who believed in and lived out traditional gender roles, views which are based in large measure on incorrect interpretations and applications about gender in the Bible).

I sometimes agree with secular left wing feminists on some topics, but not always. At times, I disagree with secular and religious left wing feminists and have written several blog posts critiquing some of their views.

This series of blog posts is addressing the dating and relationship advice of author Suzanne Venker, who wrote a book called “The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men & Marriage” which she has lately been marketing online and on TV news shows.

Here is one article by Venker about her relationship views:

(Link, off site):  Society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love by S. Venker


Venker, the author of “Society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love,” relies on a lot of anecdotal commentary to bolster her arguments in her article on “Fox News” site – I can only assume her book is filled with much of the same nonsense…

BEING A TRADITIONAL FEMALE, WHICH VENKER AND OTHERS BASICALLY EQUATE WITH BEING A DOORMAT, DOES NOT WORK FOR RELATIONSHIPS

I have anecdotal commentary in the other direction based on my own life, that of my mother’s and that of other women, to counter Venker’s arguments.

(Update: Please see (Link): my response to Venker here: she is fine with using her personal life experience in articles or books to sell other women on the notion they should be “Beta.”

However, when I produce examples in this post on MY experience – of how being Beta did not make my relationships better – she dismissed this approach on Twitter. Her using her personal experience to back up her view is acceptable to her, but not when others do the same thing to back up their views.

That is inconsistent. If she can appeal to her personal experience to make a point, so can I).

Here is an excerpt from the page by Venker:

….Indeed, my mother was the quintessential alpha wife. An alpha wife micromanages, delegates and makes most or even all of the decisions. She is, quite simply, the Boss.

— end excerpt–

Yes, I grew up quite the opposite from Venker. My mother was the total opposite of Venker’s.

MY MOTHER

My mother was the very sort of woman Venker advises other women to be. My mother in turn raised me to be like herself, which I was, up until my late 30s or early 40s.

My mother was the sweet, docile, doormat who catered to my father’s every need. My mother was definitely the opposite of “The Boss.”

My mother made home-cooked meals for my father most nights. She did not have a job outside the home.

My mother was the stereotypical womanly woman, passive, non-confrontational, soft-spoken woman that conservatives are forever applauding and pressuring other women to be like.

Continue reading “Alpha Females Part 3 – Being a Beta Female Does Not Work, It Won’t Get You Dates, Or Keep Your Marriage in Good Shape”

Continue Being a Butthole Wife: Death is Not a Justification for Husbands To Be Entitled, Selfish, or Abusive Buttholes

Continue Being a Butthole Wife: Death is Not a Justification for Husbands To Be Entitled, Selfish, or Abusive Buttholes

I first saw this blog post featured on a Christian gender egalitarian site. It was later picked up by (Link): Stuff Christian Culture Likes group, here.

The blog post under question is this one:

(Link): Stop Being a Butthole Wife by Debbie Wilkins Baisden

Yes, that is the actual title. She apparently felt too shy to write “Asshole,” so it came out “Butthole.”

To the woman who wrote it: every one of us eventually dies. That does not give any of us an excuse to be mean, rude, selfish, entitled, irresponsible, or abusive while we’re alive.

Death does not absolve someone of whatever bad thing they did while alive.

I loved my mother more than any one in the world. She died several years ago. I still sometimes miss her terribly.

But her being gone does not change the fact that there was some flaws in her parenting. It’s not wrong for me to recognize her shortcomings or be angry or upset about them. Her being gone and dead does not mean I have to sit around excusing other people’s – living people’s – flaws, either.

I just finished writing a very long post about a week ago explaining to any dense men out there why their wives divorce them. Here is a link to that – and it sounds to me as though the author of the “Butthole Wife” post should read it too:

(Link):   The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement

Baisden mentions in her blog post about “playing possum” (pretending to be asleep) so as to avoid having sex with her spouse.

It’s not necessary for a woman to play-act, or be passive aggressive to avoid sex: all you have to do is communicate directly and tell him, should he make any sexual overtures: “I don’t want to.” End of story.

Continue reading “Continue Being a Butthole Wife: Death is Not a Justification for Husbands To Be Entitled, Selfish, or Abusive Buttholes”

Pastor Refuses to Step Down After Sex Tapes With Multiple Women Are Made Public

Pastor Refuses to Step Down After Sex Tapes With Multiple Women Are Made Public

Many of today’s American churches are more consumed with making sure the rank and file, average pew sitters are held accountable to church discipline, but pastors (especially of mega churches or famous pastors, like the ones who have their own TV shows) don’t feel that the same rules apply to them.

This article says that this guy was married (later got divorced) and was a preacher at a church.

Let all those facts belie usual conservative Christian propaganda and stereotypes which say things like – Marriage is necessary to make people more godly and mature (singles are supposedly not as godly and mature as marrieds); marriage makes people more sexually pure than singles; and, you have to be godly or close to perfect before God will send you a spouse or allow you to marry.

My parents taught me to buy into the idea that church is the safest and best place for a single adult like me who wants to be married to find a great marital partner.

Supposedly, the thinking goes, the quality of people one finds at a church will be a step above those one would find at a bar or night club. After seeing millions of stories like this one, about a church pastor who was boinking church members and/or those outside his church, I realize this is faulty thinking. I now suspect the quality of people one finds at a local bar may be of HIGHER quality than that of a church.

Also, I see no point in holding out for an “equally yoked” marriage, since so many self professing Christian men are abusive or sexual perverts.

As an added bonus, at least one article quotes a former church member as saying this same debauched pervy pastor was preaching against sexual sin (such as fornication) in the pulpit, all the while he himself was fornicating with numerous women and asking them to make sex tapes with or for him.

(Link):  Pastor Refuses to Resign Despite Multiple Sex Tapes Surfacing

(Link):  Houston Church Wants ‘Pastor’ Out After Admitting to Making Sex Tapes

HOUSTON, Texas — Some members of a congregation in Houston, Texas are calling for their pastor to resign after he admitted to making multiple sex tapes while serving in the ministry when a woman came forward about the matter.

“He’d been preaching multiple times about fornication, about shacking up. And to find out that you’ve been making sex tapes throughout your whole adult life—[as] recently [as] two or three years ago—and you’re a man of God at the highest point in a church,” member Lecobeun Lewis told local television station Fox 26 earlier this month. 

He says that he won’t return to Salem Missionary Baptist Church, led by Hosea Stubblefield, 32, until Stubblefield steps down.

Continue reading “Pastor Refuses to Step Down After Sex Tapes With Multiple Women Are Made Public”

Come, Let Us Adore … Family? Churches Closing Their Doors on Christmas Day to Be With Family by J. Roys

Come, Let Us Adore … Family? Churches Closing Their Doors on Christmas Day to Be With Family by J. Roys

Yes. I’ve been noting on this blog for the last few years that Christians have turned the Nuclear Family into idols, and this comes at the expense of divorced, widowed, childless, childfree, and never married adults.

(Link): Come, Let Us Adore … Family? Churches Closing Their Doors on Christmas Day by J. Roys

Excerpts:

Christmas this year falls on a Sunday, which has some churchgoers in a tizzy.

…Religion writer Amy Sullivan once suggested that the reason American Christians don’t normally go to church on Christmas is because we’ve adopted a civil religion that elevates the ideal of family “to a sacrosanct level.” The Norman Rockwell image of a family gathered around a tree, she argues, has become a Christmas icon that rivals baby Jesus.

“For most Christians,” she said, “Christmas is a day for family, not faith.”

I think Sullivan has a point. Recently, I was listening to a Christmas album by the a cappella group Pentatonix, which I absolutely love. But the lyrics to their song “That’s Christmas to Me” pierced my heart. The song is beautiful and nostalgic — and completely godless.

After talking about Santa and stockings and mistletoe, they croon, “The only gift I’ll ever need is the joy of family. Oh why? ‘Cause that’s Christmas to me.”

I love my family dearly. But Christmas is about the birth of my savior without whom I’d have no hope for the future. And to me, there’s no better way to celebrate Christmas than to join with my church family, as well as my natural family, to worship our savior.

But again, many Christians attend services on Christmas Eve. So, what’s wrong with foregoing church on Christmas Day? However, Sullivan notes that many Anglican and Catholic Churches similarly hold midnight masses or vigils the night before Easter. (My church does that, and it’s a highlight of my year.) But everyone still shows up the next morning for Easter services. No devout Christian would ever consider missing church on Easter! So why do we not have the same attitude toward Christmas?

As Scott McConnell, executive director of LifeWay, notes, “If Christmas falls on Monday through Saturday, churches might be closed on December 25 — but almost never on a Sunday.”

Still I wonder, how many will attend church on Christmas Day joyfully as opposed to dutifully? And how many church members will actually show up? Many churches, which normally hold multiple services on Sunday morning, are only holding one service on Christmas day.

…That’s my hope too. I fear we have replaced adoring God with adoring family on Christmas. And as much as I love family, and see it as an incredible gift from God, I love Jesus even more.


Related Posts:

(Link):  The Neglected God Calls Us to Reach Out to the Neglected at Christmas: God with Us and Them—Immanuel (Re: People Who Are Alone At the Holidays)

(Link):  Merry Christmas to Single People

(Link):  Please Shut Up About Family and Christmas – by Laura (some people are alone at the holidays; they are not married, have no kids)

(Link):  Churches Ignoring The Olds: Increasing Population of Senior Citizens In America – Yet Churches Keep Obsessing About Kids and 20 Somethings

(Link):  “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link): Post by Sarah Bessey Re: Churches Ignore Never Married Older and/or Childless Christian Women, Discriminate Against Them

(Link):  If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link): Neither Fully Widow Nor Fully Wife – Married People Will Be Single Again (Married people who have spouses with dementia)

700 Club’s Christian Host Pat Robertson Says that Singleness Is Terrible, Marriage Superior, and Singles Will End Up Miserable – Segment Also Supported Other Myths of Singleness Vs Marriage

700 Club’s Christian Host Pat Robertson Says that Singleness Is Terrible, Marriage Superior, and Singles Will End Up Miserable – Segment Also Supported Other Myths of Singleness Vs Marriage

In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul wrote that it is better to stay single than it is to marry. Jesus Christ himself never married.

The Bible does not extol marriage or pro-creation above singleness and being childless or child-free.

In spite of all that, today’s (December 20, 2016) episode of the Christian show The 700 Club, host Pat Robertson spoke poorly of singleness and said marriage is preferable or better than singleness.

On today’s episode of the Christian show The 700 Club, there was a segment about how millennials are reluctant to get married.

The show interviewed a few millennials, who are conservative Christians, about marriage.

One of these young ladies interviewed said, “It’s [marriage] is the most important thing.”

I would assume that young woman probably wants to marry some day. So did I when I was her age, but it never happened.

I am now in my 40s and have never married because the right guy never came into my life. I am single against my will, not because I choose to be.

Just because you want to be married does not mean you will marry. This is one fact these early-marriage advocates and other marriage-promoters never consider.

By the way, no-where does the Bible say that “marriage is the most important thing [in life].” I have no idea where that woman is getting that notion from, unless it’s being shoved down her throat by her conservative Christian church.

After the interview clips were shown, host Pat Robertson opined about how great marriage is, and in the process, he ran down singleness and singles.

Continue reading “700 Club’s Christian Host Pat Robertson Says that Singleness Is Terrible, Marriage Superior, and Singles Will End Up Miserable – Segment Also Supported Other Myths of Singleness Vs Marriage”

The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement

The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement

This may be the start of a series. I may do more posts like this as I come across more examples. I kind of already did a part one a couple of years ago (Part 1). This post was not the Part 2 I had in mind, not really.

The things this post covers pertains to one of my big pet peeves as related to men, dating, marriage, culture, church, and relationships.

First, here is the story, (and then below, I’ll analyze or comment why this bothers the hell out of me).

Over a year ago, I watched an episode of the TV show “Restaurant Impossible,” hosted by Chef Robert Irvine on Food Network.

This married couple owned a restaurant that was failing financially, so they had Chef Irvine come in to rescue their business.

I don’t remember all the details of the show, the couple, or their restaurant. I don’t remember their names or where they were located. I cannot recall if both the husband and wife wanted the business, or just the wife did, or what.

Regardless.

The wife was having a nervous breakdown from all the stress of being a restaurant owner. She was running all aspects of the restaurant by herself (with a small staff who helped cook), but the vast majority of the responsibility for the restaurant was on her shoulders.

Although the wife kept begging her spouse to help her, because she was at a breaking point, he would not help her. He would sort of promise or act like he agreed to coming in more often to help, but he would bail on her.

If I am not mistaken, the husband did not hold down a regular job at this time. I think he had quit his regular “9 to 5” job to be in the food business with the wife.

However, the idiot (the husband) spent all his free time chasing down his passions and hobbies, which included stuff like parachuting out of planes on weekends with other men as part of a World War 2 para-trooper re-enactment group, and I think the guy was also part of a barber shop singing quartet the rest of the time, or something.

Continue reading “The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement”

Married Couple is Drifting Apart (Ask Amy Letter)

Married Couple is Drifting Apart (Ask Amy Letter)

This guy who wrote the Ask Amy advice columnist has been married for about ten or more years and says he and his wife are drifting apart. (I have pasted a copy of the letter much farther below in this post.)

He essentially says his wife is bored by him and his company and spends a lot of time away from him, out at night, with friends, or else, she’s on the phone a lot with her friends.

I was engaged to a guy for a few years – I ended up dumping the guy. While we were a couple, I could sit in the same room as him and yet still feel all alone.

The guy I was engaged to was terribly self-absorbed. My ex-fiance never took an interest in me, my opinions, my job, my life. He never paid me compliments, never gave me encouragement. I felt single and alone, even though I was in a relationship with him.

I so often see this assumption by Christians, in Hollywood movies, TV shows, and relationship advice books and articles, that you’ll never, ever be lonely if only you could just find a romantic partner. This notion is a bunch of nonsense. The truth is you can be in a relationship with someone and still feel lonely and unfulfilled.

Your partner might be a self-absorbed twit like my ex was, or your partner may be so emotionally troubled (or have an alcohol or drug addiction problem), which will leave you so busy catering to your partner’s needs, that he or she will be unable to meet yours (because your partner is too drunk, high on drugs, or psychologically damaged to be able to do so).

Continue reading “Married Couple is Drifting Apart (Ask Amy Letter)”

Is the One True Love Biblical? On Hope, Choice and Responsibility by C. Woolgar

Is the One True Love Biblical? On Hope, Choice and Responsibility by C. Woolgar

(Link): Is the One True Love Biblical? On Hope, Choice and Responsibility

Excerpts:

July 2016

I was recently asked if the idea of ‘the One’ was biblical and I decided to blog about it as I think it’s essentially a question about how romance relates to hope.

...So: is the idea of ‘the One’ consistent with the Bible?

I’m going to say more no than yes.

It’s not that God never does bring ‘the One’ into a Christian’s life (he does), but specifically expecting that God will do this makes too many assumptions about life and how God works. And it encourages too many unhelpful behaviours.

Continue reading “Is the One True Love Biblical? On Hope, Choice and Responsibility by C. Woolgar”

Let’s Kiss Dating Hello – Ring By Spring Culture at Christian Campuses, by N. Sheets

Let’s Kiss Dating Hello – Ring By Spring Culture at Christian Campuses, by N. Sheets

(Link): Let’s Kiss Dating Hello by N. Sheets

Excerpts:

A sociologist reveals her research about ‘ring by spring’ culture on a Christian college campus.

…In the fall of 2014, George gathered some initial data on students’ attitudes about “ring by spring.” The results of her study are (Link): forthcoming in Christian Reflection.

I had the chance to talk with George about her research, the surprising sticking power of “ring by spring” culture—especially at a time when the age of first marriage in the US (Link): keeps climbing —and its implications for Christian college students.

[Question]: In your forthcoming article, you’re very clear to point out that this is not an indictment of young marriage or young engagement. You’re trying to stay neutral on that. Do you anticipate any pushback?

[Response]: We all have different journeys in life. Some of us are called to be married young, others of us later in life, and still others don’t have marriage in their life journey at all. I am pro-marriage for any adult couple, regardless of age, that feels the timing is right and is prepared for marriage.

Still, I am sure there will be pushback from some who believe that we all need to marry young. And for some cultures, that is the norm. However, the sociological literature is very clear on the implications of younger marriages, and I think we need to consider the science behind those studies when addressing marriage trends.

In general, younger marriages don’t succeed as often as marriages when people are older.

And young/old is really fluid depending on what research you’re looking at, but over 24 would be an “older” marriage just because you’ve got more of a financial grounding.

And what [social scientists] find is that women do better if they get married older than if they get married young because they’ve established themselves financially.

In sociology, when we talk about “success” in a marriage, we’re basically talking about whether you get divorced or separated, and that’s very black and white.

You can be with someone for 50 years and not have a great relationship, and there’s a lot of internal turmoil happening that is not documented. And so we don’t know those figures and how they work into it.

Continue reading “Let’s Kiss Dating Hello – Ring By Spring Culture at Christian Campuses, by N. Sheets”

Why Do You Use Those Hash Tags With Your Tweets?

Why Do You Use Those Hash Tags With Your Tweets?

I actually had someone Tweet this question at me.

I posted a link to some news story about a man who was arrested for raping a kid or something of that nature. The man in the story I tweeted, if I recall right, was married and a father.

Someone asked me on social media,

‘What do your tags, which include “FamilyValues, Complementarianism, Christianity, Fatherhood, etc, have to do with this news story you tweeted?”

For all I know, the guy in the story I tweeted was NOT a Christian.

It’s quite possible the guy in the story was an atheist, for instance. (I usually read or at least skim the links I tweet, but sometimes, I just go by the headline.)

Here’s why I include certain tags:

Continue reading “Why Do You Use Those Hash Tags With Your Tweets?”

Sexism, Protecting Women, Family Values, and Christians Placing Biological Family Above Everyone Else

Sexism, Protecting Women, Family Values, and Christians Placing Biological Family Above Everyone Else

(Link):  The Problem with Protecting our Wives and Daughters

Excerpts:

by K. Du Mez

….I’m reminded here of the poignant words of Madeline Southard, one of the leading proponents of women’s rights in the Methodist church in the twentieth century. In her 1927 book, The Attitude of Jesus toward Woman, Southard raised precisely this question.

For centuries, Southard noted, women had been considered “the creature of her sex-relationships and of the resultant blood relationships.” As such, a woman’s status had been determined by her being “the wife, mother, daughter, concubine or mistress of some man,” but not as “a person in herself.”

Continue reading “Sexism, Protecting Women, Family Values, and Christians Placing Biological Family Above Everyone Else”

No, Focus On the Family, I Do Not Want to Civilize a Barbarian – via Biblical Personhood Blog

No, Focus On the Family, I Do Not Want to Civilize a Barbarian – via Biblical Personhood Blog

There is certainly nothing wrong with marriage or the nuclear family, but often times, in attempting to defend the nuclear family or the institution of marriage, a lot of Christians and conservative groups (such as Focus On The Family) err too far in making an idol out of both and denigrating singleness (or childlessness) in the process.

I have taken Focus on the Family to task before on that issue and one or two others.

Another blogger, Biblical Personhood, caught wind of a Focus on the Family blog post by  Glenn T. Stanton – well, it’s on a blog called “First Things,” which the lady blogger of Biblical Personhood says is an off-shoot of Focus on The Family.

I have discussed Stanton on my blog before, such as in these posts:

(Link): Focus on Family spokesperson, Stanton, actually says reason people should marry is for ‘church growth’

(Link):  Mefferd Guest Incredulous that Preachers Push Kids To Marry Early

Based on what I remember about Stanton, he can veer a little bit too much into idolizing marriage.

At any rate, here is the link to the blog post by Biblical Personhood, with some additional comments by me below this excerpt:

(Link): No, Focus on the Family, I do not want to civilize a barbarian via Biblical Personhood blog

Here is an excerpt from the opening (please click the link above to visit the other blog if you’d like to read the entire page):

From Biblical Personhood Blog:

(Link): Focus on the Family recently suggested something that seems, at first glance, to flatter women. I did not feel flattered at all. They suggested women are the number one way to change men for the better:

/// start quote

… the most fundamental social problem every community must solve is the unattached male. If his sexual, physical, and emotional energies are not governed and directed in a pro-social, domesticated manner, he will become the village’s most malignant cancer. Wives and children, in that order, are the only successful remedy ever found. – Glenn T. Stanton

/// end quote

This is highly problematic, to say the least.

From the theological perspective :

Have Focus On The Family never heard of Jesus and being born again? Surely Jesus is better at changing humans – even the alleged “malignant cancer” called unattached males – from the inside than any woman is? How could a Christian™ organization say that women, not Jesus, is the only remedy for men’s bad tendencies?

(( read the rest here ))

If you are an unmarried man (and you either want to stay single for the remainder of your life, or are aware you may never marry, even though you may want a wife), I’m sure you must really appreciate guys like Stanton saying you are basically a raging animal, or an immature man-baby, unless you are married to a woman.

You, if you are a single (unmarried) man, are a nothing, an incompetent, immoral loser unless you have a wife, is how Stanton’s reasoning comes across. You must have a wife and possibly father a child by said wife to count or to be a “real man.” This is pretty insulting stuff, especially bearing in mind that the Bible that Stanton likely would say he reads and agrees with, says nothing of the sort.

I did read over the Biblical Personhood blog post a day or two ago, but I don’t remember exactly everything that blog author wrote.

I will here add my own thoughts about the Stanton penned blog post. Some of my observations may be similar to those by the Biblical Personhood blogger.

Stanton writes:

 Women create, shape, and maintain human culture. Manners exist because women exist. Worthy men adjust their behavior when a woman enters the room. They become better creatures. Civilization arises and endures because women have expectations of themselves and of those around them.

I disagree with just about everything he said there, on different levels, and for different reasons.

Most cultures are patriarchal, and this has been the way the world has been for thousands of years.

Women are not allowed to shape or maintain politics, marriage, or church – let alone culture, because men hold all the power. Women are taught by parents and culture from girlhood that this is normal, that men should be in charge, and females are conditioned from childhood to accept this and go along with it, especially Christian girls.

As much as I dislike blatant sexism, where men sound like cave-men and make loud, rude, condescending claims, such as women are not as logical or intelligent as men (this is used to justify limiting women in the workplace and so on)-
I also do not appreciate this (Link): benevolent sexist, noble-sounding, sappy and fouffy writing that tries to convince women that being subservient to men, allowing men to lead and protect them, and thus they can and should give up self-determination and their agency, is in their best interest, because dang it, women are so much more morally superior creatures to men.

This sort of writing is sugar-coated sexism. It’s asking women to give up their personhood,  identity, or their independence, in exchange for something else (in this case, the betterment of men or culture).

I’m really tired of how sexists keep demanding things of women, and nothing of men, of expecting women to fix men, or to fix society.

Continue reading “No, Focus On the Family, I Do Not Want to Civilize a Barbarian – via Biblical Personhood Blog”