Ask E. Jean: My Husband Will Not Shower
So much for the conservative and Christian myth that marriage makes people more mature, godly, and responsible.
How do I get the guy to be more into hygiene? I’ve tried everything!
Ask E. Jean: My Husband Will Not Shower
So much for the conservative and Christian myth that marriage makes people more mature, godly, and responsible.
How do I get the guy to be more into hygiene? I’ve tried everything!
Married People Who Use Their Spouse’s Disease or Disability to Excuse Their Adultery – an article by M. Del Russo
I have never had sex outside of marriage, one reason of several is that the Bible says that sex is intended for a man married to a woman – anything outside of marriage is fornication and is considered sin. I am now past the age of 45.
If I can maintain celibacy this long, so too can anyone else, including these people who are in marriages where their spouse is debilitated in some manner, through a physical or mental health issue.
It’s a matter of personal conviction and self control. I do not have some sort of special gifting from God that removes libido. I am not asexual.
So, do I excuse or look on with compassion at these women or men in this article who started affairs with other adults when their own spouses became ill? No, I do not. Going without sex or romance will not kill a person, and you made a vow to your partner.
As for the woman quoted below who says those in her position don’t want to burden their sick spouse with demands for sex – that is all polite and well and good, but has she never heard of masturbation? Why are so many married people under the assumption that the only form of sexual activity is “penis in the vagina”?
…But the trio’s situation scratches at a question: How do couples sustain relationships and navigate intimacy when disease or disability strikes?
Christina — who asked to be identified by her first name because of privacy concerns — says her marriage was very happy and she loves her spouse deeply, but now that his disease has progressed, she no longer recognizes the person he’s become.
The Incredibly Condescending and Presumptive Singles-Shaming Posts of Gladys Wisener
In my few years of writing on this blog, I am still sometimes amazed at the comments I get, especially the remarks I get from the most innocuous of posts.
Never would I have imagined that linking to some article about a 105 year old woman who says she is happy and still alive at 105 because she has never bothered with men would induce someone to come on to my blog to leave me nasty and presumptive comments, but that is what happened.
This married woman named Gladys Wisener stopped by this blog recently, and she engaged in some singles-shaming under (Link): that post about a 105 year old single woman.
When Gladys began saying or assuming some weird, offensive, negative, or insulting things about me, and I understandably got irate and offended in response to her attitude and comments, and I let her know, she replies by telling me I sound “bitter.”
Because that’s what entitled married cows such as her do – they assume if you have a legitimate complaint against their obnoxious- married- people- attitudes and- presumptive- assumptions about you, they assume it can only come from a place of… wait for it… yes, that’s right, it must be due to bitterness.
And the unspoken assumption is that you, you single woman, must be bitter because you’re single and don’t have a husband.
In their thinking, bitterness could be the only possible reason you are correcting a married woman on your blog about singleness for being obnoxious.
Your anger cannot possibly be due to the married person’s hideous, insulting comments to you or about you or about singleness, no, it must be because you are not married!
If only you were married or in a steady relationship, you would not take umbrage at the married person’s condescending comments about you or your blog – married or engaged people would love to be on the receiving end of your lousy assumptions and comments and take them so well.
Married To Person With Kid From Previous Marriage: Guy Says His Wife is Putting Her Son Before Their Marriage – On Not Wanting to Date Single Parents
This following letter to an advice columnist (which is linked to and excerpted much farther down this blog post) is interesting, because I guarantee you had the guy written to “Ask Amy” of the “Ask Amy” column with the same concern, Amy would not have been sympathetic to the guy.
Amy would’ve raked him over the coals for not oozing with love and compassion for the misbehaving stepchild.
Amy, as I’ve seen, always sides with the kids or the biological parent.
If you are a person married to someone who has a bratty kid who is driving you crazy (and even to the point of wanting to divorce!), Amy will shame you terribly over it.
Amy will scream and yell about you being selfish, and she will ask you to empathize with the misbehaving, rotten kid.
(That I can recall in all my years of reading her advice column, Amy has never shown empathy to the adult who is stressed and whose marriage is strained over a hard- to- handle step-child.)
This advice columnist, though, takes the opposite approach and blames the biological mother; he holds her accountable for the poor marital dynamics.
Needy Single Mom Feels Abandoned By Church Family (Ask Amy)
In an older post, I mentioned how it is that some older adults do not recognize just how poorly churches and Christian culture treats single adults until those older adults become single again via divorce or widowhood:
Then they notice how absolutely marriage-centric churches are, and how utterly horrid Christians are about meeting the needs of single adults.
Then you have your married parents who don’t realize how Obsessed With the Nuclear Family most churches are until their (Link): own kids grow up and move out and stop attending church with them.
Then and only then do some Christian married couples wake up to see how absolutely terrible churches are about neglecting single adults or the childless.
The woman who wrote this letter to “Ask Amy” had to go through a divorce before she noticed how anti-singles friendly her church was. Amazing.
Also, I could’ve told this woman that Christians in general are awful at showing concern, care, and empathy for people who are in pain or under-going some stress in life.
That Time My Friend Told Me Her Husband Didn’t Want Us Hanging Out Because I’m Not Married
By Theresa Ukpo
… Recently, I had to ask a friend why I hadn’t seen her in a while.
…. “My husband doesn’t want us spending time together. He thinks you may be a bad influence since you’re not married and all. You know we just have different priorities.”
I don’t know what insulted me more, the idea that her husband had said this or that she’d believed it enough to adhere to this insidious request. But come to think of it, this rhetoric isn’t at all uncommon.
Yes, you can be married, but if your spouse is a jerk, is selfish, is abusive, or isn’t meeting your emotional needs, you can be lonely within a marriage.
Yet, a lot of Hollywood movies and Christian culture presents this “fairy tale” version of marriage that if you just find the Right One, you’ll be complete, never feel lonely, and so on.
I was engaged to a guy for a few years. I could sit in the same room with him and still feel all alone, so being part of a couple is NOT a guarantee you’ll have companionship or be fulfilled. You won’t often hear that from Christians (or even secular sources) who extol the wonders of marriage.
(Link): When Her Husband’s Away, She Doesn’t Miss Him – Letter to Hax
(Alternate Link to same letter)
My husband has had to travel for the past several weeks. We have young kids. I haven’t missed him at all.
Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her
Several months ago, the viewer question segment of the 700 Club’s show was called “Bring It On,” but for whatever the reason, they changed the name of the segment to “Your Questions, Honest Answers.”
On today’s (January 3, 2018) program, a woman named Joanne wrote Pat Robertson with this question (video below). I will type up a transcript of her letter (which was read aloud by the lady co-host) and then I will opine about the letter below the transcript:
Viewer Question Transcript:
My husband and I were happily married for 37 years. Every single night I prayed to God thanking him for my husband and the life we had together.
I asked God to never take him from me, for I had hoped that we would grow old together.
Then one day out of nowhere, my husband was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. I was devastated and I felt like my sincere prayer must not have meant anything to God.
Why We Thought Marriage Made Us Healthier, and Why We Were Wrong by Bella DePaulo
The power of marriage to transform allegedly forlorn single people into blissfully happy and healthy couples is not just the stuff of fairy tales. For more than 70 years, social scientists’ studies havesupposedly shown that marrying improves people’s wellness. Award-winning scholars and leading magazines have all proclaimed that marriage typically makes people healthier and happier.
The promise is seductive: Find and marry that one special someone and all your dreams will come true.
Recently, though, new and methodologically sophisticated studies have been published that suggest something startling: Maybe we are wrong about the benefits of marriage. People who marry, it seems, do not become healthier than when they were single, and may even become a shade less healthy.
They do not become lastingly happier, either.
15% of Married Adults have Romantic Feelings for Someone Else
Unrequited love – a classic trope for many a melodrama or Victorian romance. But this theme is not strictly for the pages of heart-wrenching novels and tear-jerker films. In fact, recent YouGov data shows that 23% of Americans, including 15% of married adults, have romantic feelings for someone they are not currently romantically involved with.
Similarly, developing feelings for a friend’s significant other can be a difficult, often awkward, situation – 29% of of Americans have been in this predicament, and one in ten men currently are. Similarly, 30% of US adults have found themselves with feelings for a friend that extend past the platonic.
More Than Half of Cheating Women Blame Their Infidelity on Husband’s Being “Stingy”
This is from a UK paper, so I assume it’s about UK women, so I’m unsure how applicable this is to women outside of the UK
Does your husband think flowers are a waste of money or coincidentally ‘forget’ his wallet when you go out for a meal?
Chances are you’ve got a stingy spouse on your hands but you’re not alone because according to an extra-marital affairs website, 74 per cent of women think that their partners are too tight-fisted.
…The survey, which quizzed more than 5,000 women, found that a lack of presents, flowers, holidays and trips to fancy restaurants led them to feel as though their partner’s were ungenerous with 56 per cent saying they had had arguments about it.
When Your Husband Doesn’t Care About Your Sexual Desires by S. Gregoire
This belies the usual Christian commentary that if a person just reserves sex for marriage, that the marriage will be great, frequent, etc. The truth is I regularly see letters to editors by married women who are dissatisfied with their husband’s sexual performance in the bedroom. Another example:
(Link): When Your Husband Doesn’t Care About Your Sexual Desires by S. Gregoire
What do you do if your husband isn’t interested in hearing your sexual fantasies or desires–let alone acting on them?
…In a healthy marriage, spouses care about the other person’s pleasure and desires.
…When we make sex only about one person’s experience, though, then we’re totally erasing what God said sex was for. Sex is not just about meeting a man’s sexual needs; sex is about helping both of you feel super close.
So why do so many people seem to only focus on their own sexual needs?
Some people think that their experience of sex is the only right one
It may not be that they’re entirely selfish. It may honestly be that they don’t understand how their spouse works sexually.
Woman Says She is Lonely in Marriage to Husband Who Ignores Her in Favor of His Job, Watching TV, etc.
A woman named San wrote to Christian program “The 700 Club” to say she’s in a marriage where her husband is ignoring her in favor of TV shows and his job and so forth. Pat Robertson’s son Gordon answered her letter.
Here is her letter to The 700 Club:
I have been very lonely in my marriage.
My husband’s priorities fall in this order: work, television, and then his phone. I have brought it to his attention so many times. I find myself only relying on God and Him being my true friend but I am still lonely.
Yes, I have God to turn to and I talk to God all day, every day, but it would be nice to have a husband in my life who I can truly share my life with. What should I do?
I didn’t completely agree with the host’s answer.
Pastor, Wife Face Prison After Pleading Guilty to Stealing Thousands From Summer Food Program
As you can see from this news story, these people were not godly before they married and marriage did not make them godly or more ethical.
God allows jerks and dishonest people to get married all the time.
God does not expect anyone to become more mature, godly, or up-standing before he will send them a spouse. Jerks and losers get married all the time.
Most Christians deny this and tell Christians, “the reason you are still single is God is still preparing you or cleaning you up before he will allow marriage into your life.” If that were true, we would not see dishonest people like the ones in this story get spouses, now would we?
Robbie Wilkerson, the founding pastor of New Birth Christian Center church in Chicago, Illinois, and his wife, Tasha, are both set to spend some time in prison along with three of their associates after they plead guilty to defrauding a summer food program for low-income children on Tuesday.
The U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Central District of Illinois announced in a press release that Pastor Wilkerson pled guilty to wire fraud and money laundering while his wife pled guilty to theft of government funds.
Wilkerson, his wife and associates were indicted in 2015 for embezzling approximately $450,000 they received to operate the 2010 Summer Food Service Program. The embezzled amount was more than one-half of the funding for the program.
‘Deadly Wives’ Reality TV Series – ‘Very Devoted Christian’ Woman Who Held Bible Studies Drowned Her Husband in a Pool of Hydrochloric Acid
As I’ve said many times on this blog, there are times I am glad I have never married. After watching this show a few times, I definitely feel that way.
Here is a link or two about the show:
(Link): Deadly Wives: Acid Lady
(Link): Deadly Wives
(Link): Deadly Wives TV Show
I caught a couple of episodes the other day on LIFEtime channel or whatever it’s called of a reality series called “Deadly Wives.”
Usually, it seems abuse and crimes in marriages are male- on- female, but in this show…
It’s a show about women who murder their husbands, female- on- male violence.
The first episode I saw was about a woman who killed her husband by giving him horse tranq via drops in his mouth from a Visine bottle, then she buried him in a vineyard.
The second episode I saw disturbed me far more than the first.
It was about a woman named Larissa, a chemist, who was married to Tim. She knocked Tim out with chloroform, and when he was only partially knocked out (he may have still been alive), she had a male accomplice named James stuff Tim into a large, blue barrel, where upon she dumped about four gallons of Hydrochloric acid on him.
Dear Abby: Parents Stole my Child Support Cash
Many times, conservative Christians and my fellow social conservatives and right wingers like to insist that parenthood (and marriage) is necessary to ‘fix’ culture or to make people more mature, responsible, and godly.
Problem is, parenthood and marriage does not necessarily make anyone more mature, ethical, and so on, than someone who is single, who never marries, or who never has children.
On this blog, I have link after link (in (Link): other posts on the blog) showcasing numerous real-life examples of married people and/or parents who cheat on each other, abuse children, get arrested for child porn, for soliciting prostitutes, for murdering their spouses or kids, and on and on.
There is nothing intrinsic in the state of being married or being a parent that makes a person more likely to be responsible, mature, or loving. If that were so, Jesus Christ would not have said that humanity’s problem is sin (Jesus Christ did not cite being single and childless as the cause of problems in the world).
To the woman who wrote this letter: your parents are dishonest slime balls who cannot be trusted. If or when you can, break off contact with them! Your parents are toxic and don’t care about you or your needs.
DEAR ABBY: My parents and I were always close. However, recently they stole my debit card, my PIN and child support check. They forged my signature and spent the entire check, which was more than $1,000.
Divorcing Couple Divides Their Beanie Baby (stuffed animal) Collection
I am a conservative myself. Many conservative Christians and secular conservatives like to teach the falsehood that marriage is necessary to make people more mature, responsible, and godly.
Well, obviously, that is a total crock, as stories like this attest (and see (Link): this collection of stories). I totally disagree with my fellow conservatives who teach that one must be married to be “mature” (or better, more loving, what have you), since I repeatedly see news stories publicizing the contrary: married people can be selfish or immature jerks.
(Link): Photo of divorced couple splitting up their Beanie Babies is peak ’90s by B. Wong
(photo on page shows divorcing couple on the floor in the courtroom, dividing a huge pile of beanie baby toys)
The caption reads:
Nov 5, 1999, Las Vegas, Nevada, USA: Attorney Frank Totti looks over papers while his client Frances Mountain sorts out Beanie Babies with her ex-husband Harold Mountain in Judge Gerald Hardcastle’s Family Courtroom in Las Vegas November 5.
The couple, who were divorced four months ago, were ordered to divide up the collection valued at $2,500 to $5000 but were unable to do so by themselves.
The collection was ordered spread on the court floor and divided up one by one under the supervision of Family Court Judge Hardcastle.
Maple the Bear was the first to go.
Cost of Maple Bear today on Amazon .com: $6.34.
The surreal photo surfaced on Facebook this week after first appearing in (Link): a Slate piece on the Beanie Babies craze — and thank goodness it did. May we never forget how obsessed we all were with small stuffed animals 18 years ago.
(The 700 Club episode I am discussing in this post: Air date Feb 21, 2017)
Women of America are STILL writing Pat Robertson for relationship advice. A phenomenon which prompted me to write this months ago:
For the love of pickles, people of America, stop sending this guy your questions about dating, love, marriage, and divorce! Anyway.
Regarding the first letter on the video: Contra Pat Robertson, the Bible does NOT teach that the “husband is the head of the household.”
But I am writing this post in regards to the second or third letter on this video (embedded below; Link to Video, You Tube).
Additional commentary by me is below this letter:
My husband and I have been married for 21 years but have been together for 28.
We have two children, ages 26 and 25. Our 25 year old son is autistic and mentally disabled and needs constant care.
I alone care for our son.
My husband does not work or help in anyway. I struggle to make ends meet.
Alpha Females Part 1 – Nothing New Under the Sun. Conservative Women Keep Issuing Same Sexist, Unhelpful Dating And Marital Advice to Women
This commentary will be divided up among a few posts. Here is part 1.
For those new to my blog:
I am a right winger. I was a Republican until recently. I am now a conservative Independent.
I was a conservative Christian for many years (I am no longer sure about what my religious views are), and I (Link): Am A Former Gender Complementarian (someone who believed in and lived out traditional gender roles, views which are based in large measure on incorrect interpretations and applications about gender in the Bible).
I sometimes agree with secular left wing feminists on some topics, but not always. At times, I disagree with secular and religious left wing feminists and have written several blog posts critiquing some of their views.
This series of posts is addressing author Suzanne Venker’s relationship advice, as I have seen her advocate for, in behalf of her book “The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men and Marriage.”
I myself am not, nor have I ever been, what she terms an “Alpha Female.”
I have always been what she refers to as a “Beta,” and guess what?
Being a Beta did not land me a spouse, dates, or make my life easier, more peaceful, less stressful, or rewarding, as Venker tries to reassure her female readers that it will. More on that in a future post.
As a conservative who is in her 40s and still single (though engaged at one time), I have been seeing these sorts of attitudes about gender and marriage that are discussed below in an article by Venker advanced by secular and religious conservatives since I was a teen in the 1980s.
There is an annoying, recurrent, and yes, sexist, motiff by conservatives to say the reason society has problems with marriage, dating irregularity, high divorce rates, and other relationship problems – is that women are at fault.
Women are always blamed for relationship trends and problems – and at that, usually by other women – and at that, by women who tend to be conservative and who publish books or articles about dating and marriage.
Angry Husband Rapes Wife With Rolling Pin, Angry Because She Is Infertile, She Almost Died From This Attack
Law enforcement should rape this guy in his anus with a barbed rolling pin, in pay back for what he did to this woman.
Your wife is there for you to love and cherish.
It is beyond me how any man could think it’s acceptable or ethical to do what this deviant did to his wife.
And it’s not her fault she’s infertile.
This kind of thing seems to happen regularly in India – they have a huge problem there with misogyny, male entitlement, and violence against girls and women.
I see news stories like this and realize all the more it’s better to be single than married to a guy who acts like you are disposable, who abuses you.
Jan 7, 2017
A woman almost died after her husband carried out such a brutal attack on his wife that he lodged a 40cm rolling pin inside her intestines, it has been claimed.