Someone Asks Women What They Consider To Be A Bad Marriage, And They Don’t Hold Back (30 Answers)

Someone Asks Women What They Consider To Be A Bad Marriage, And They Don’t Hold Back (30 Answers)

That’s right, marriage doesn’t always end up being a font of never ending happiness and fulfillment. Sometimes the spouse can end up being a selfish, self absorbed, abusive, irresponsible, jerk and/or serial cheater.

I won’t be pasting in all 30 examples, just a few from this page:

(Link): Someone Asks Women What They Consider To Be A Bad Marriage, And They Don’t Hold Back (30 Answers)

Excerpts:

by Jonas Grinevičius and Austėja Akavickaitė

It takes a lot of guts and honesty to admit that your marriage isn’t working. Instead of the happily ever after you imagined, you might have gotten into a relationship full of hidden intimacy issues, gaslighting, and unfairness.

When you fully recognize how bad the situation really is, you can start thinking about the future: whether you’ll do anything to salvage what you have or if it’s time to go your separate ways.

Redditor u/readitalreadydude sparked a very candid discussion on the r/AskWomen online community after asking its members what they consider to be a bad marriage.

The internet users opened up their hearts about how their own romantic lives had taken a turn for the worse. Read on for their stories, in their own words.

[Person One here sounds as though she was married to a stereotypical narcissist}:

(1) My personal experience was with a guy who was very charming and appeared to be everything I wanted in a partner.

Was with him over a decade, but a couple years of reflection after he left and I realized he controlled EVERYTHING in my life with manipulation.

Gaslighting, tearing me down in the guise of jokes, withholding sex and shaming me for ever wanting it (think not even once every 6 months), telling me I was a Nazi with money and guilting me out of handling our finances.

He left me for me best friend at my lowest. He’ll never admit to an affair, but they’ve been married for years now.

Continue reading “Someone Asks Women What They Consider To Be A Bad Marriage, And They Don’t Hold Back (30 Answers)”

The Hidden Epidemic of Sexual Dysfunction Which Experts Blame on SSRI Antidepressants

The Hidden Epidemic of Sexual Dysfunction Which Experts Blame on SSRI Antidepressants

(Link): The Hidden Epidemic of Sexual Dysfunction Which Experts Blame on SSRI Antidepressants

Oct 3, 2022
by Jo MacFarlane

Patients on antidepressants are not being warned of the risk that the pills could permanently ruin their sex lives, experts say.

The Mail on Sunday has been contacted by a number of patients who claim to have been left with ‘life-changing’ sexual problems after taking a class of the drugs known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) to ease symptoms of depression and anxiety.

In the past year, about one in eight people in the UK were prescribed antidepressants, which includes SSRIs, according to the latest official figures – a number that has soared since the pandemic.

They can prove transformative for many people, but are linked with side effects. It has long been known, for example, that those taking them, both men and women, can experience a drop in libido. Continue reading “The Hidden Epidemic of Sexual Dysfunction Which Experts Blame on SSRI Antidepressants”

Women Feel More Sexual Desire When Their Partners Do Chores

Women Feel More Sexual Desire When Their Partners Do Chores

This study will deeply disappoint any of the sexist incel, mra (“men’s rights advocates”), and mgtow (“men going their own way”) idiots online, but also the Christian sexists who promote Christian sexism under Christian patriarchy and Christian complementarianism.

(Link): Women Feel More Sexual Desire When Their Partners Do Chores

August 2022
By Simone Buzwell & Eva johansen

When a comic about “mental load” went viral in 2017, it sparked conversations about the invisible workload women carry. Even when women are in paid employment, they remember their mother-in-law’s birthday, know what’s in the pantry and organise the plumber. This mental load often goes unnoticed.

Women also continue to do more housework and childcare than their male partners.

This burden has been exacerbated over the recent pandemic (homeschooling anyone?), leaving women feeling exhausted, anxious and resentful.

As sexuality researchers, we wondered, with all this extra work, do women have any energy left for sex?

Continue reading “Women Feel More Sexual Desire When Their Partners Do Chores”

33 Stories From Couples That Have Little To No Sex That Are So Important To Hear, Because Sex Is Not The Be All, End All Of Relationships

33 Stories From Couples That Have Little To No Sex That Are So Important To Hear, Because Sex Is Not The Be All, End All Of Relationships

(Link):  33 Stories From Couples That Have Little To No Sex That Are So Important To Hear, Because Sex Is Not The Be All, End All Of Relationships

May 14, 2022

“Some people just aren’t driven by a need for sex.”

by Hannah MarderBuzzFeed Staff

It might seem like *everyone* is having sex these days, and there is constant messaging in our society and pop culture that sex is necessary to make a romantic relationship work. But…that’s not always the case.

Sex positivity is great, but it’s also important to remember that such a societal prioritization and glamorization of sex — especially penetrative sex — can feel really alienating to people who are on the asexuality spectrum, can’t have certain types of sex (or sex at all) due to medical reasons, or are dealing with trauma.

Because the truth is, sex is great! But it’s not necessary for a relationship — as we can see from the stories here. In case you’re wondering how that works, take a look at these 33 stories from couples who have little to no sex.

Responses were aggregated from this Reddit thread that asked, “Couples in loving relationships who rarely have sex, how do you make it work?” and comments from the BuzzFeed Community!

WARNING: This post contains sexual content and mentions of sexual assault.

1. “I have vaginismus, and my husband and I have been married for two years. We haven’t had penetrative sex, but I take care of him, and I use toys. Eventually, I would like to have penetrative sex, but there’s no rush for us. :)”

—samiyaahmed

2. “A combination of repressed Catholic guilt, childhood trauma, and sexual abuse, and low libidos mean that sex happens somewhat infrequently (but I’m not even sure what the baseline standard is, who’s to say really?), BUT when it does, it’s sweet and enjoyable for both of us. Some people just aren’t driven by a need for sex. We’ve been together for 13 years, married for six.”

—keetawnandon

3. “I’m sex-repulsed

Continue reading “33 Stories From Couples That Have Little To No Sex That Are So Important To Hear, Because Sex Is Not The Be All, End All Of Relationships”

The Insidious Reason Women Have Fewer Orgasms (2022 Study)

The Insidious Reason Women Have Fewer Orgasms (2022 Study)

Will male Christian Gender Complementarians care about this study or even pay attention to it? Nope, probably not, because they’re still stuck in Gender Stereotype Land, where only men want sex (and supposedly “need” it – but sex is not a need), where women only want their “emotional needs” met and would just like their husband to pour them the occasional bubble bath.

Any time I read about studies like this, it usually comes down to 1) Male Entitlement and 2) Internalized Stereotypes held by women that what a woman wants in the sack does not matter / women aren’t “supposed” to like sex.

(Link): The Insidious Reason Women Have Fewer Orgasms

That link above will take you to this page:

(Link): Orgasm gap: The insidious reason women have fewer orgasms than men

Excerpts:

It’s the clitoris, stupid!

May 13, 2022

KEY TAKEAWAYS

    • Heterosexual men have far more orgasms during partnered sex than heterosexual women, resulting in a significant pleasure disparity.
    • New research suggests that the explanation for the gap is simple: Men don’t take the time to stimulate women’s clitorises. The clitoris is the primary anatomical source of female sexual pleasure.
    • The reasons for this inattention are more complicated. It seems that cultural norms around gender place the focus on men’s pleasure and vaginal sex while downplaying women’s desire for their own pleasure.

There exists a significant “orgasm gap” between heterosexual women and heterosexual men. A 2005 study found that 39% of women usually or always experience an orgasm during partnered sex compared with 91% of men.

A more recent survey conducted in 2018 discovered that the gap had narrowed, but a sizable 30-point divide remained.

So what will it take for women to reach “pleasure parity” with men? Continue reading “The Insidious Reason Women Have Fewer Orgasms (2022 Study)”

Modern Couples Looking to Start a Family Are Turning to IVF – Because They Are Too Busy for Sex

Modern Couples Looking to Start a Family Are Turning to IVF – Because They Are Too Busy for Sex

But so many of Christians told me, assured me, when I was growing up – in their magazine articles, books, sermons, and TV shows – that married sex is GREAT and REGULAR! I guess not, judging on news stories like the one below!

Look at how all those reassurances and promises I heard from Christians as I as growing up ended up being false.

(Link): Modern couples looking to start a family are turning to IVF… because they are too busy for sex, experts reveal

Excerpts:

by Victoria Allen
May 2022

Modern couples wanting a baby are turning to IVF – not because they are infertile but because they are too busy to have sex, according to experts.

Couples are advised to try to have sex around every three days to optimise their chances of conceiving.

But the pressure of being ‘always available’, checking emails out of hours and finishing to-do lists has left many people with flagging libidos and little time for passion.

The spare time they do have is often spent watching Netflix, experts fear.

The number of British couples turning to fertility treatment they do not really need simply because they do not have sex often enough to conceive naturally is thought to run into hundreds.

Continue reading “Modern Couples Looking to Start a Family Are Turning to IVF – Because They Are Too Busy for Sex”

Man Paid to Have His Wife Killed Over Lack of Sex: Lawyers – Husband Also Had Hitman Kill the Man’s Pet Pug Dogs, Beat Dogs to Death With a Hammer

Man Paid to Have His Wife Killed Over Lack of Sex: Lawyers – Husband Also Had Hitman Kill the Man’s Pet Pug Dogs, Beat Dogs to Death With a Hammer

Basically, a lot of complementarian Christian men feel the same way this man, Edward Heck, does: they feel entitled to sex from their wives.

The erroneous biblical interpretations that lead men (and some women) to support “gender complementarianism” lead to these types of views about marriage, sex, and women.

I can see Christian persons like Lori Alexander (of “The Transformed Wife”), Mark Driscoll, John MacArthur, John Piper, Owen Strachan, Denny Burk, Douglas Wilson, and many members of “CBMW” defending this man’s actions and blaming the (murdered) wife.

(We also have problems with unmarried men, of whatever religious beliefs, who feel entitled to sex from any woman, and they go on murderous rampages when women refuse to date or to have sex with them).

The hired hit man not only killed the man’s wife, but one article also says that he “brutally murdered” the husband’s (who hired the hit man) pet dogs by beating them to death with a hammer – one article says that killing the dogs was also part of the plan by the husband – so the husband approved of the dogs being killed by the hit man.

I despise animal abusers, and yes, he and the husband should pay for killing the wife (obviously), but that both men also killed dogs means their death by the state should be very, very extra painful – perhaps shoving them alive, awake, into a wood chipper could be one possible solution to that.

This news story also goes to contradict the dating advice articles I used to see by Christians years ago that conveyed the notion that a single adult has to achieve some level of perfection or godliness or else God won’t send the person a spouse. If dirt bags like this loser can get married, anyone can – obviously if there is a deity, He is not expecting moral perfection or some other quality to be achieved before He permits people to marry.

Also note that contrary to Christian and secular conservative pro-marriage groups and persons – such as Al Mohler, Brad Wilcox, and Focus On the Family – that marriage does not make people more godly, loving, responsible, ethical, or loving.

Aaaannnnd… married sex is not a guarantee for great or frequent sex, as so many Christian sexual purity material insists. I am not against sexual purity, but I do think a lot of Christians have “over-promised” in this area.

(Link): Pa. man admits hiring hit man to kill his sleeping wife, is sentenced to life in prison

(Link): Man Paid to Have His Wife Killed Over Lack of Sex: Lawyers

May 2, 2022
By Genevieve Gluck

A Pennsylvania husband who hired a hitman through a porn site to kill his wife, allegedly because she wasn’t sexually available enough, is now claiming “diminished mental capacity” at his trial for her murder.

Edward Heck, 56, paid Kenneth Wayne Smith $10,000 to kill his wife, Sonja Rowe-Heck, in August of 2018.

Smith and Heck met on Motherless, a site which hosts extreme fetish pornography and snuff videos. Smith had posted in the comment section to a video that he had a fetish for killing, and Heck replied, “How about my wife?”

(Link): According to local news, the two men had been conversing on social media for about 18 months before the planned murder.

Text messages reviewed by authorities included those in which Heck said he fantasized about someone raping and strangling his wife. In messages to Smith, Heck stated that he hated his wife, called her offensive names, and complained about the fact the two did not share a bedroom.

On the day of the murder, Heck brought Smith to his home and helped him hide in the cellar. While there, Smith brutally murdered Heck’s two dogs. At about 1:50 a.m. on August 16, Heck texted Smith saying, “the time has come.”

Continue reading “Man Paid to Have His Wife Killed Over Lack of Sex: Lawyers – Husband Also Had Hitman Kill the Man’s Pet Pug Dogs, Beat Dogs to Death With a Hammer”

The Weird, Sexist World of Gary Thomas and His Weird Sex and Marital Advice Books to Christians

The Weird, Sexist World of Gary Thomas and His Weird Sex and Marital Advice Books to Christians

Several months ago, a lot of people on Twitter and Facebook – mainly married or divorced Christian women – were really angry with Christian author Gary Thomas, I think mainly for some new book he released last year about marriage that contained some really gross, sexist, or disturbing marital and sex advice.

To be honest, I was busy with other things in fall of 2021 when this stuff went down. I should’ve blogged about it then but didn’t have the time.

I wasn’t able to totally follow the controversy, so I am not sure how to write up a summary, but from what I could tell, Gary Thomas wrote a bunch of strange, bizarre, sexist stuff about women, wives, sex, and marriage – some of it involving advising married women to tickle their spouse’s testicles with their make-up brushes – ???? 🤨😯🤮

From what I do recall, after people online began posting screen shots of Thomas’ weird marital advice book around October of 2021, a lot of women then began taking Thomas to task for the book’s objectional contents by contacting him at his Twitter or Facebook accounts and letting him know how troubling his book is.

Along with screen shots or quotes from Gary Thomas’ new marriage book, some of the women may have also included screen shots of his previous, troubling work.

Below you will find a smorgasbord of material about Gary Thomas’ weird or sexist marital and sex advice, most of which will probably be from his recent marriage advice book, but some may be from other sources he’s written (I’m unsure about that).

I began putting this post together prior to reading the Sheila Wray Gregoire review of said book (which I have excerpted below), and wowza, this book is cringe. So cringe. It’s awkward.

I’m not even done reading the entire Gregoire review yet. I’ve only read down the first several sentences (where she summarizes from the book), and my eye brows are already raised in shock, when my facial expression is not registering horror.

Cringey Christian Advice (Link): @cringeyxtian on Twitter was once source of Gary Thomas material you may want to visit.

Apparently, Thomas is rather fixated on women’s breasts or breast size, as he discussed this topic in his marital advice books.

I’ve not read his books, does he tell any male readers of his book that huge penis size matters to a lot of women? Because according to studies, it does:

(Link): Article: Scientists: Why penis size does matter [to women]

Also pertinent:

(Link):  Bride Discovers New Husband Has Micropenis On Honeymoon After He Refused to Have Sex Before Marriage

The more cringey, sexist, awful martial and sex advice I see from Christian writers such as Doug Wilson, John MacArthur, Mark Driscoll, Gary Thomas, and guys like them, and the more exposes I see about churches who harass their abused, married women members to stay married to child abusers and stay married to pedophiles, the more I am happy I remained single and celibate into middle-age. It looks like I dodged a bullet. Marriage is not worth this misery.

This is a review about Gary Thomas’ marital advice book:

(Link): The Fragile Male Ego That Can’t Function Without Constant Sexual Validation by S. Ashley

By that same author, but hosted on Medium:

(Link): “But Have You Tried Sleeping Naked?”

by Shannon Ashley
Oct 2021

Writers like Gary Thomas keep banking on men’s sexual satisfaction to save evangelical marriages.

…For decades, most mainstream Christian self-help books have taught sex in a way that harms the end goal of healthy marriages. Instead, authors have relied on faulty principles and pseudoscience like pink and blue brains or good Christian men cheat when their frigid, dowdy wives drive them to it.

…To make matters worse, Gary convolutes the messages he’s plagiarized. Although he uses ideas and phrasing from The Great Sex Rescue, he also undercuts them by utilizing the same old faulty Christian teachings in question

Continue reading “The Weird, Sexist World of Gary Thomas and His Weird Sex and Marital Advice Books to Christians”

The Fragile Male Ego That Can’t Function Without Constant Sexual Validation by S. Ashley

The Fragile Male Ego That Can’t Function Without Constant Sexual Validation by S. Ashley

The following pertains to Christian author Gary Thomas and his weird, sexist marital advice book, Married Sex, that got savaged by Christian women on social media in 2021.

I will provide an excerpt or two below, but really, this author’s entire review of Thomas’ book is quite good, so I would ask that you please click the link below to visit her review – which is hosted on Medium – to read the entire piece.

(Link): The Fragile Male Ego That Can’t Function Without Constant Sexual Validation by S. Ashley

Excerpts:

[Thomas earlier book, When to Walk Away, was well-received by many Christian women.]

Unfortunately, his latest book (co-authored by Debra K. Fileta and published by Zondervan Books), Married Sex, comes across more like a sex-obsessed man desperately trying to convince himself and the rest of us that his fixations were “designed by God.”

[The author of the piece then goes on to discuss certain parts of the book by Thomas that concerned her.]

[Excerpt from the Gary Thomas book, by Thomas]:

“Now she asks us to put a coaster under our drink or pick up our socks from the floor, and we act like she’s requesting twelve hours of hard labor. God isn’t unaware of this tendency, so he has given us men a physiological compulsion to keep our wives near and dear in our affections.
If it has been a while since we’ve had sex, those hormones start to boil, and the “drive” slowly begins to captivate our minds. If we grow in love and understanding, we’ll learn that for our wives to be sexually available to us, they need to be relationally and even spiritually connected with us.

When I saw this as God’s creational design, I realized that my sex drive was God’s way of keeping me aware of my wife’s relational needs. The fact that our brains have so much more space devoted to sex drive motivates us men to pursue our wives on all levels—with loyalty, empathy, and love. God’s design is for men to be so sexually vulnerable to their wives that they don’t neglect them in other aspects of the relationship.”
— end Thomas book excerpt —

This is so, so, so… gross. So gross! I (and so many other women) have zero interest in being with a man who requires constant sexual incentive just to be a decent human being.

Continue reading “The Fragile Male Ego That Can’t Function Without Constant Sexual Validation by S. Ashley”

Men, Sex, and Relationships: A Therapist Shares Surprising Truths About Desire

Men, Sex, and Relationships: A Therapist Shares Surprising Truths About Desire

I’ve been saying on this blog FOR YEARS that gender stereotypes about sexuality are incorrect.

A lot of complementarian Christians think that all men want sex all the time, that God designed men to want sex more than women, and yet, almost every time I see a letter written to an advice columnist about someone in a sex-starved marriage, it’s almost always a woman upset that her husband doesn’t want to have sex at all, or not as much as she does!

(Link): Men, Sex, and Relationships: A Therapist Shares Surprising Truths About Desire

Research overturns male stereotypes about porn, libido and the importance of physical attractiveness.

“The stereotype that we have in our society around men and sex is that men constantly are in the mood for sex and that they’re always interested,” says human sexuality expert Sarah Hunter Murray. “(But) men sometimes don’t want to have sex.”Getty Images stock

Feb. 20, 2019,  / Updated Feb. 14, 2022 / Source: TODAY
By A. Pawlowski

When it comes to men and sex, women may be missing a big part of the story.

From the role of porn and the strength of libido, to the importance of physical attractiveness and the desire to chase, popular culture paints a picture that doesn’t always match the reality of what happens behind closed bedroom doors.

 “The stereotype that we have in our society around men and sex is that men constantly are in the mood for sex and that they’re always interested,” human sexuality expert Sarah Hunter Murray told TODAY.

“(But) men sometimes don’t want to have sex…. ‘Not tonight dear, I have a headache” — we think about that as something the wife says; we don’t have the same vernacular for talking about men’s low sexual desire.”

Continue reading “Men, Sex, and Relationships: A Therapist Shares Surprising Truths About Desire”

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage by Andrew J. Bauman and Taylor May

(Link): Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Excerpts:

by Andrew J. Bauman

I am proud to be writing this article in partnership with Taylor May, a survivor of emotional and spiritual abuse. She has boldly shared her own story about what it was like to be married to someone who had a Pornographic Style of Relating, (PSR) and what it felt like to be used by him with her Church’s consent.

*Trigger warning for those who have suffered this type of betrayal trauma.


I’ve written about the pornographic style of relating here (PSR), but today we will hear from the perspective of a woman who has lived on the other side of this dynamic.

Many people have been talking about this with the release of this new book [Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life by Gary Thomas] and some of its disturbing implications.

How can we talk about what these women are experiencing, and what can we learn from them?

Taylor May has offered her story and her experience below. My hope is that this can begin to clear up the muddy waters of what it means to live a Christlike marriage in a deeply pornified world.


by Taylor May

I didn’t realize how a pornographic style of relating was so deeply embedded into my first marriage until I was firmly planted into my second marriage.

That’s when I began to see the impact my first husband’s issue with lust had on my new, much healthier relationship.

Let me tell you my story, and how I and countless other women feel when our significant others lust for other women, on-screen or off.

Those of us who grew up in the evangelical Church have been told that we are responsible for men’s lust issues. This lie has been perpetrated by the church for far too long.

Many men are leading our church conversations with 90% of pastors being men, and considering that nearly 50% of those pastors self-report having used pornography, it would make sense that they would try to gaslight women by minimizing the destructive nature of porn use.

One way they do this is by framing it as a women’s issue or a sex issue, rather than the objectification of women/sin issue–one that stems from the person doing the objectifying.

Continue reading “Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage”

Interview with the Authors of The Great Sex Rescue (book discusses erroneous, sexist Christian views about women and how this hinders sex – among other issues)

Interview with the Authors of The Great Sex Rescue (book discusses erroneous, sexist Christian views about women and how this hinders sex – among other issues)

I’ve read quite a bit about this “Sex Rescue” book, and it covers a lot of the topics I’ve been covering on this blog literally for years now.

Christians – especially the gender complementarians – operate under a faulty assumption that only men like and want sex, while women do not – so most of their sex lectures and sex material gives all sorts of sexist, awful advice, or tells Christians that women only have “emotional needs,” while women’s sexual preferences are never raised. 

Every pastor I’ve ever heard sermonize about the topic just tells men to occasionally cater to their wife’s emotional needs, but they don’t bring up what a woman may want sexually.

The Christian assumption is that all men are sex-crazed horn dogs, and the wives are obligated to have sex with their spouses, even if they are sick or not in the mood, etc.

I’ve discussed all that on this blog for years (and more), and this book apparently also discusses such issues.

(Link): Interview with the Authors of The Great Sex Rescue

Excerpts:

by Rachel Joy Welcher
June 3, 2021

The Great Sex Rescue sets out to correct harmful and unbiblical teachings on sex and marriage—specifically those messages perpetuated by the evangelical church and popular Christian books.

Not only that, it presents a way forward for couples who have suffered from these messages; a path that is guided by scripture and selfless love. 

…Sheila Wray Gregoire, along with her daughter, author and psychology graduate, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and epidemiologist and statistician, Joanna Sawatsky, bravely tackle these harmful teachings, with a high view of marriage, God’s plan for sex, and for scripture.

You may not agree with every conclusion or piece of advice, but this is a resource we need as we continue to deconstruct unbiblical teachings on sex, purity, and marriage. 

Welcher: It is clear from your writings that you care about female sexual flourishing; that you don’t want women left behind in marriage.
In The Great Sex Rescue, you cite example after example from popular Christian books where male sexual pleasure in marriage is prioritized and women are discussed merely as vehicles to accomplish this, rather than as equal sexual partners.
Why do you think the mutuality of sexual self-giving in marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:4–5 has largely been ignored in Christian writings and teachings on marriage?
Were you able to trace this idea to a specific book, era, or misinterpretation of the passage?

Gregoire: Let’s talk numbers: women buy the books, and men don’t. I’ve read that 74% of nonfiction relationship books are bought and read by women.
Why don’t men buy these books? Men often don’t feel the same societal pressure to fix relationships, while men are also discouraged from thinking about their feelings very much. Continue reading “Interview with the Authors of The Great Sex Rescue (book discusses erroneous, sexist Christian views about women and how this hinders sex – among other issues)”