Abusers Hide In Churches – Equally Yoked Does Not Help Single Christian Women Who’d Like to Marry

Abusers Hide In Churches – Equally Yoked Does Not Help Single Christian Women Who’d Like to Marry

The “equally yoked” rule really makes no sense for single adult Christians, especially Christian women who’d like to marry, since (Link): so many self professing Christian men – even ones who read their Bibles daily or attend church weekly or work as pastors – are sexual deviants, wife abusers, or adulterers.

My parents taught me to seek out good mate material at local churches, because they felt the quality of people would be better at a church, as opposed to going to a bar to get dates with men.

However, I’ve seen far too many news stories of self professed Christian men who beat their wives, molest kids, or have been arrested for soliciting sex with animals, to think that Christian men are any more quality or safer than Non-Christian men. I also fail to see how churches are any safer to meet dates than a bar.

The whole post by Deborah Brunt is very good, but I only wanted to quote from part of it in my post:

(Link): Be wary of churches breaking the silence by Deborah Brunt

Excerpts:

[How churches and typical Christian preachers deal with sexual abuse in their churches]

Pastor-Man offers simple solutions for sexual abuse.

He calls men to be pure. He makes no distinction between the temptation to sexual sin, which both genders face, and the lifestyle of strong deception, sexual domination and violence that male abusers deliberately adopt.

Continue reading “Abusers Hide In Churches – Equally Yoked Does Not Help Single Christian Women Who’d Like to Marry”

Horrible Sexist Blog Post from John Piper’s Desiring God Site: ‘Husbands Get Her Ready for Jesus’

Horrible Sexist Blog Post from John Piper’s Desiring God Site: ‘Husbands Get Her Ready for Jesus’

My Twitter acquaintance Teresa R. first sent me a Tweet of this stupid complementarian based essay which is on Desiring God’s site and was written by one Bryan Stroudt, who should feel so embarrassed by this that he should stop blogging for six months or more.

Soon after Teresa sent me a tweet of this, I started seeing references to it pop up all over the internet, by Christians who felt it was terrible.

Here it is with reflections of how awful it is below, by me and by others:

(Link): Husbands, Get Her Ready for Jesus  by Bryan Stoudt

Here are a few excerpts from Stoudt’s work, before we get to the corrections of it:

(In which Stoudt discusses how Christian husbands – being the “male head” – should correct their wives and prepare their wives to meet Jesus):

A Call to Correction

It’s crystal clear: God calls husbands to be instruments of his sanctifying work in the lives of our wives.

…Just as Jesus set his church apart from sin through his sacrificial, loving death on the cross, husbands are to do everything in their power to promote their wives’ holiness.

This can take many forms. We can pray for our wives, read the Bible with them, and make space for them to pursue meaningful spiritual friendships with other women.

Continue reading “Horrible Sexist Blog Post from John Piper’s Desiring God Site: ‘Husbands Get Her Ready for Jesus’”

‘She Was A Sex Slave’: Wife of Preacher Reveals Horrific Torture At Hands Of Her Husband by L. Little

‘She Was A Sex Slave’: Wife of Preacher Reveals Horrific Torture At Hands Of Her Husband by L. Little

For the billionth time on this blog: marriage does not instill godliness, maturity, kindness, or altruism in a person, as so many conservative Christians and my fellow secular conservatives keep maintaining in their editorials.

If marriage was all that was necessary to instill great character in a person and so on, Jesus Christ would not have needed to die on the cross.

Because Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7 that remaining single is of more benefit to society (the kingdom of God, specifically) than marriage, in that, supposedly, a Christian single’s energy and attention is not divided between pleasing a spouse and pleasing God, it also makes no sense for Christians to argue that marriage is somehow necessary to fix culture, as they so frequently do.

I no longer agree with the Christian teaching of “be equally yoked” in marriage, because I see no advantage in a woman marrying a Christian man, because (Link): so many of them are abusive or are perverts.

Here is yet another example of that (I have a small number of comments below the long excerpt here):

(Link): ‘She Was A Sex Slave’: Wife of Preacher Reveals Horrific Torture At Hands Of Her Husband | (Tweet)

by L. Little, July 2017

The wife of a radical Australian preacher has broken her silence for the first time on the horrific abuse she suffered for years at the hands of her cruel husband.

But Joy Harris, 63, revealed the most devastating aspect of her ordeal was being shunned by her own son – an Independent Baptist pastor like his Dad – because he blamed her for his father’s evil actions.

“I’m totally heartbroken. He hasn’t even let me see his children, because I have to repent first.”

Speaking in a 60 Minutes exclusive, the Cairns grandmother said she had been raped up to seven time a day by her husband, Pastor Larry Harris.

“He thought the more times a day he could have it, the more of a man he was. He would get up to 6, 7 times a day and he didn’t care if it caused me pain,” she told reporter Liam Bartlett.

Continue reading “‘She Was A Sex Slave’: Wife of Preacher Reveals Horrific Torture At Hands Of Her Husband by L. Little”

Stuff that Stuff Christian Culture Likes Facebook Group Likes

Stuff that Stuff Christian Culture Likes Facebook Group Likes

Stephanie Drury, owner of SCCL Facebook group, doesn’t care about victims.

Drury may thinks she cares about victims, and she may even want you to think she cares about victims, and you may even mistakenly think she cares about victims or other wounded people, but-

From what I’ve witnessed on her Facebook group and Twitter behavior, what Drury really cares about is pushing a liberal agenda. (I will discuss this a little more below the list.)

In the past, owner of SCCL Facebook group, Stephanie Drury, linked to a few of my posts on this blog, with the motive of having her group of Flying Monkeys mock and ridicule my posts or me.

I used to be a regular visitor to Drury’s SCCL group, for a period spanning approximately four years. I always lurked, never posted, because I spotted several red flags with her group.

Over the last 2 or 3 years, I at times tweeted Drury with stories I thought she would find interesting, and sure enough, she would share some of those links on her SCCL Facebook group.

I tried to be on friendly terms with her on Twitter, but I guess that doesn’t matter to her.

Around the first week of June 2017, Drury once again shared a link to one of my blog posts with her SCCL Facebook group. In the past, I said nothing when she did this with other posts of mine.

This time, however, I tweeted her to let her know I saw her post a link to my blog post on her group.

After that, she tweeted me a few times, but so too did some of her fans on Twitter, and none of it was nice.

Continue reading “Stuff that Stuff Christian Culture Likes Facebook Group Likes”

Alpha Females Part 4 – From Psychiatrists and Counselors: How and Why Being a Beta Female is Harmful and Damaging to Women

Alpha Females Part 4 – From Psychiatrists and Counselors: How and Why Being a Beta Female is Harmful and Damaging to Women

This commentary will be divided up among a few posts. Here is part 4.

(This post may be edited in the future to re-word things, polish things, add new thoughts or links / For Twitter: #TheAlphaFemalesGuide )

From this series:

Visit Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Part 3B: Response to Venker: Re: Personal Experience

Introduction.

For those new to my blog:

I am a right winger. I was a Republican until recently. I am now a conservative Independent.

I was a conservative Christian for many years (I am no longer sure about what my religious views are), and I (Link): Am A Former Gender Complementarian (someone who believed in and lived out traditional gender roles (what Venker would describe as “feminine” or “beta”), views which are based in large measure on incorrect interpretations and applications about gender in the Bible).

I sometimes agree with secular left wing feminists on some topics, but not always. At times, I disagree with secular and religious left wing feminists and have written several blog posts critiquing some of their views.

This series of blog posts is addressing the dating and relationship advice of author Suzanne Venker, who wrote a book called “The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men & Marriage” which she has lately been marketing online and on TV news shows.

Here is one article by Venker about her relationship views:

(Link, off site):  Society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love by S. Venker


As many books and articles on the subjects of boundaries, codependency, and even domestic violence explain, when or if a woman exhibits codependent behaviors or attitudes (such as being passive, having an unwillingness to say no to others, doesn’t put her own needs first), she will tend to attract abusive, selfish, or exploitative individuals.

Unfortunately, many of these same codependent traits are considered “feminine” by many conservatives and by Christians (under the teaching of gender complementarianism). Author Venker touts such traits under the heading of “Beta” or “being nice” or as “being feminine” or “being soft.”

While I myself do not agree with every last facet of secular (or even Christian) feminism, they are at least correct in fighting against expecting such behavior from girls and women, because they realize it leaves females open to being exploited, or treated unfairly at jobs or in relationships.

As this Christian-authored piece explains, feminism (not even secular feminism) is entirely bad, wrong, or off-base:

(Link): Perhaps Feminism is Not The Enemy

I also explained in (Link): Part 2 how many conservatives (and Venker herself) misunderstand, wrongly explain, or misunderstand feminism.

As I explained in (Link): Part 3 of this series, I was a “Beta” myself for many years (as was my mother), which is what Venker says women should be, if they hope to marry or have a happy, stress-free, marriage once they marry.

However, being “Beta” does not guarantee that a woman will attract more men, get more dates, or have a happy marriage – again, as I already explained in Part 3.

WHAT THE EXPERTS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT WOMEN BEING BETA

Psychiatrists and therapists have written books and articles explaining how and why taking advice such as Venker’s can lead to problems for women, including in the area of dating and marriage.

Below, I will excerpt content from the books The Disease to Please by psychiatrists Harriet B. Braiker, PhD, and counselor Beverly Engel from the book The Nice Girl Syndrome.

First, here are the relevant portions from Venker’s article on Fox News:

(Link):  Society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love by S. Venker – on the Fox News site

Today they abound. There are several reasons why, but it’s in large part due to women having been groomed to be leaders rather than to be wives. Simply put, women have become too much like men. They’re too competitive. Too masculine. Too alpha.

That may get them ahead at work. But when it comes to love, it will land them in a ditch.

Every relationship requires a masculine and a feminine energy to thrive. If women want to find peace with men, they must find their feminine…

In essence, being feminine means being nice. It means being soft instead of hard…

…What men want most of all is respect, companionship and sex. If you supply these basics, your husband will do anything for you…

—(end excerpt)—

There, Venker is telling women to deny who they truly are and downplay their personalities, desires, and so on (don’t come on “too strong”), because if they stay as-is, they will repel men, but if they change themselves to make a man happy, they can attract men, or the man they have won’t want to divorce them.

Let’s see what Dr. Braiker has to say about that type of reasoning (spoiler alert: Braiker totally disagrees with Venker).

From the book The Disease to Please:

Page 95:

…If you are the people-pleaser [people-pleaser = Venker’s Beta, Nice, or Feminine] in an unbalanced relationship… you will be forced to deny or suppress your own needs. Inevitably, even the nicest people will become frustrated and angry when their emotional and sexual needs are denied indefinitely.

Healthy relationships that endure are balanced and interdependent. Balanced interdependence means that both partners are aware of and sensitive and responsive to the needs of the other.

—(end excerpt)—

From pages 93-94:

Many people-pleasers [people-pleaser = Beta, Codependent, Nice, or Feminine women] who have used this approach [making a man dependent upon them by doing nice things for him all the time, stifling your own needs, etc., and  using other approaches Venker recommends] sadly discover that manipulating a man into an excessively dependent position – no matter how nice and well-intended your motives – may actually push him into doing the thing you most fear: abandoning you.

—(end excerpt)—

From pages 94 to 95, Braiker gives a case study of a patient of hers named Jennifer who utilized Venker-type methods to hold on to her husband [she always was available to him sexually, she sacrificed her needs to meet his at all times, and sought to “spoil” him].

The result? Jennifer’s husband Ron began having an affair on her with another woman, and later, Jennifer came home one day to find a note of good-bye from her husband, Ron, where he said he was divorcing her for the other woman.

A little later in this same chapter, starting on page 95, Braiker discusses how many career women are what Venker would refer to as ‘Alpha’ in the workplace (confident, competent, assertive, and so forth) but think that to attract or retain a man in their romantic life, that they must behave in what Venker would refer to as a “Beta.”

Braiker explains in this book that this is not so – that acting “Beta” (or “nice” or “feminine” – all which amounts to the same thing, regardless of the terminology used: being a codependent with bad boundaries in practice), causes such women to attract abusive or selfish men. Braiker then spends the rest of the chapter cautioning women from being passive in their romantic life to avoid users, abusers, and narcissists.

Here are a few excerpts, by Braiker (pages 95, 96):

… I have treated many highly successful career women who have entrapped themselves in bad relationships with men by their self-imposed people-pleasing [people-pleasing = being Beta, Nice, Feminine, Codependent] subservience.

A large number of these women who are now at the pinnacle of their professions grew up in the 1950s and 1960s, in an era when femininity and sexual attractiveness still carried with them certain gender stereotypes such as submissiveness, dependency, passivity, and sensitivity.

Today, many of these women, and even a significant number of younger women too, fear that the very traits that account for their success in the workplace – assertiveness, mental toughness, aggressiveness, competitive-ness – become liabilities in their romantic relationships with men.

[Here Braiker inserts the case study of one woman patient who is a CEO]

Many women like my [C.E.O.] patient, harbor misgivings about whether their achievements might boomerang when it comes to relationships with men and come back to haunt them.

…. As a consequence of this dangerous combination [fear of success combined with people-pleasing], they may engage in a range of self-defeating behaviors that can sabotage either their careers or their personal relationships, and often both.

… Some people-pleasing women attempt to resolve the dilemma by splitting their personality traits into two discrete “sides.” They may display their competitive, assertive, and aggressive side at work.

In their personal relationships with men, they may adopt an exaggerated “femininity,” displaying passivity, submissiveness, and compliance. This masquerade, of course, is no solution at all. Rather, it is a recipe for inner conflict, anxiety, identity confusion, and lowered self-esteem.

—(end excerpt)—

Braiker then next, on pages 96-97, offers up the case study of one of her women patients, Helene, who was a successful business woman who was living out what Venker suggests in her book for women to do: be assertive at the job, but be the passive, sweet, sex kitten at home with her mate.

The result of this for Helene? Lots of abuse.

…behind closed doors when they are alone, Bob [Helene’s boyfriend] treats Helene abusively. [Helene has a far more successful career than Bob does, which Bob is aware of.]

Helene defends Bob’s behavior by “understanding” how difficult it is for a man to stand in her shadow.

…Helene realized [via therapy] that she needed to correct some of her own gender stereotypes. Helene believed that by demonstrating her people-pleasing [Beta, nice, feminine] behavior in her personal relationships with men, she was being more feminine and, therefore, more sexually attractive.

[At her place of employment, where she was CEO, Helene tolerated no sexual harassment for herself or for any woman]. However, because of her Disease to Please [being codependent, Beta, nice, and feminine], Helene was actually rewarding a man for treating her abusively behind close doors.

—(end excerpt)—

From page 97:

It is imperative that you recognize how dangerous and self-sabotaging your people-pleasing tendencies with men can become so that you can change the unhealthy dynamic of your relationships. Otherwise, the Disease to Please [being codependent, Beta, nice, and feminine] will serve as a veritable mating call to men who have a perverse need and desire to control nearly every aspect of your behavior. Worse yet, you will allow them to do so.

—(end excerpt)—

Page 98:

Unless you repair the damage by curing the Disease to Please [being codependent, Beta, nice, and feminine]  that produced it, you will limp away from the relationship with the brand of “damaged goods” on your ego. [Then the cycle will repeat itself as you attract yet another abusive, selfish, or jerk boyfriend who mistreats you all over again.]

—(end excerpt)—

As you can see from those excerpts (and there are plenty more in the book), Dr. Braiker strongly warns and advises women against the very traits and attitudes that Venker is telling women in articles, books, and TV appearances that she thinks they should have!

While there are plenty of selfish or abusive men who would enjoy being able to thoroughly control a woman, and a woman who, per Venker’s teaching, willingly goes along with it, a lot of men soon tire of this extreme “feminine” type of woman and dump her.

In her book, starting on page 100, Dr. Braiker discusses a male patient she had once who admitted that he loved to date the sort of women Venker advises women to be, because they were so easy to control. But, the guy soon got tired of dating these passive, wimpy, Beta women.

Here’s what he said:

“…One day, I realized I’m sitting in the boat [of life] all alone. I don’t want the kind of woman who will do anything to please me anymore. It’s boring and lonely. I want a partner who can sit on the boat next to me and keep me company. I want us to please each other without losing all boundaries or identity.”

Another male patient said (page 101):

“I do like to be in control, but I really want someone who will push back. I like steak because it gives me something to chew on. I don’t want to eat pre-chewed baby food. That’s how I wind up feeling about a woman who will give up her own substance just because she’s trying to please me. There’s nothing to chew on; there’s no challenge there at all. I just get bored.”

As Dr. Braiker so succinctly puts it (from page 106):

-There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make a man you love happy or wanting to please him. Just be sure that you’re not pleasing him by hurting yourself in the process.

-Any man who is threatened or feels diminished by your intelligence, achievements, success, or talent is NOT someone with whom you are likely to have a gratifying relationship with anyway. Look elsewhere.

—(end excerpt)—

Earlier in the book starting around page 49, Dr. Braiker discusses a single woman patient she had named Miranda who wants badly to get married. Miranda cannot figure out why she can’t seem to hold on to a man.

Miranda wrongly assumes the way to “catch” a man is to take the sort of advice Venker gives in her relationship book – she tries to be very pleasing and agreeable with every man she dates, she molds herself into whatever type of woman she assumes her current boyfriend of the month likes, and so on.

The result is that all these men eventually become bored with Miranda – and break up with her.

As Braiker describes it in the book (page 50), Miranda puts on the “beta” routine that Venker advises:

So, as soon as Miranda finds herself attracted and interested in a man, she puts herself in a subservient, submissive, position. She lavishes men with attention, adoration, and praise. Miranda believes that to be worthy of a man’s love, she must prove she will always put his needs first.

…The truth is that she [Miranda] cannot offer the one thing a healthy man wants and needs the most: the ability to truly share herself because she knows and values who she is.

—(end excerpt)—

Notice that Miranda’s assumptions on how to attract a man are similar to the tactics Venker puts forward in her Fox news article. And, as Braiker goes on to explain, Miranda was her patient because her “beta” femininity was driving men away, and she could not figure out that it was her very beta-femininity-ness that was at fault.

EXCHANGING AGENCY AND INDEPENDENCE FOR BEING OVER-RELIANT ON A MAN

Continuing with my critique of Venker’s views; more from her article at Fox news:

(Link):  Society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love by S. Venker – on the Fox News site:

And because I had zero interest in my husband adopting a more feminine role, I set about to become the feminine creature our culture insists women not be.

And here’s what I learned: It’s liberating to be a beta!

I’m an alpha all day long, and it gets tiresome. I concede that I thrive on it; but at the end of the day, I’m spent. Self-reliance is exhausting. Making all the decisions is exhausting. Driving the car, literally or figuratively, is exhausting.

—(end excerpt)—

So, Venker is apparently fine ceding normal adult and personal responsibility to her husband because it makes her life easier. What she’s also sacrificing is her independence, dignity, and agency by doing so.

I take it that Venker is a right winger or conservative: right wingers and conservatives support personal responsibility; they don’t recommend that adults neglect it.

As I explain in an older post, I am a FORMER gender complementarian. Sometimes people on other sites have asked me, “Why do you suppose so many Christian women willingly endure the sexism known as complementarianism?”

One of several reasons so many Christian women remain “stuck” in complementarianism and go along with it is precisely to ride the coat-tails of a husband, because it’s easier going through life with someone taking care of you than it is for you to take care of yourself, by getting a job, taking care of your own car, and so forth.

Christian women are willing to trade off their autonomy, dreams, goals in life, and independence in exchange for male-provided financial stability and having a husband who is like a “father figure” who they can rely on.

In the book of Genesis of the Bible, God, by the way, actually predicted this would happen as a result of sin, when He told Adam and Eve that the woman would desire her husband and turn to the husband – rather than to God.

Ever since, yes, many women have indeed traded off God-reliance (or self-reliance) to depend on a husband for emotional and financial stability. And women like Venker (along with hordes of Christian gender complementarians) are prodding women to keep this up. It’s so sick, and rather tragic.

Women depending on men to this degree – and giving up their identity, needs, and self-hood in the process – is a RESULT of the Fall, a RESULT of sin entering humanity – but Venker and complementarians and other conservatives think this is awesome, healthy, or great for marriages and dating. Sick, sick, sick.

Secular feminism seeks to correct this type of sin that impacts women so strongly (and so this is one aspect of feminism that is good!), ironically.

Secular feminists are trying to free women from this very sin God predicted back in Genesis (and secular feminists – and a smaller number of Christian gender egalitarians – see how damaging it is), but many Christians and conservatives keep trying to cram women back into this same “sin box” and tell them it is “good” for them and for their relationships.

So, Venker finds being responsible and making decisions all day tiring. Well, yes, most people do. But the solution is not to hand over all or most of your personal responsibility to another adult.

Counselor Beverly Engels warns women against this very temptation in her book (Link): The Nice Girl Syndrome.

Engel discusses in the book (pages 212 – 214) that during her early 30s, on a month long trip to Europe, she met a European guy named Jacob. By the time she met this guy, she had been in Europe for a few weeks, was exhausted.

She ends up going to his place, they had sex a time or two, though the second time she didn’t really want to. The guy wasn’t exactly overtly abusive, but she felt she “owed” him sex to be nice to him, since he was now taking care of her. He was making her breakfasts, letting her stay at his home, etc.

For a period of time, due to exhaustion, Engel says she let this Jacob man control her, she was tired of making decisions for herself, she was tired of all the responsibility on this trip, so she was willing to turn the steering wheel over to Jacob – as Venker is asking women to do in their own relationships.

Engel says that is a bad move, and she has regret over her interactions with Jacob to this day. Even though she kept turning the guy down sexually, so long as she stayed at his home, he kept repeatedly bugging her for sex and for more sex. He was super persistent.

Venker’s advice to women boils down to that they infantilize themselves to be more attractive to men. This is bad and dangerous advice.

From page 131 by Engel:

You can’t expect anyone else to take responsibility for your welfare. You are the only one who can take care of you.

The price you pay for looking to someone else to take care of you is dependency, the loss of self, and, ultimately, the inability to control your life.

YOU DON’T WANT TO DATE OR MARRY THE SORT OF MEN VENKER’S ADVICE WILL ATTRACT

From page 45 of Engel’s book:

It used to be that the payoff for being sweet and nice was that one was taken care of and protected by the men and authority figures in one’s life.

Girls and women were perceived as weaker and in need of protection from the “big, bad world,” and boys and men took on the responsibility of making sure that nothing bad happened to them. But those days are gone, along with chivalry and manners.

Most boys and men today do not feel responsible for protecting girls; in fact, many view girls and women as objects to be exploited.

…This doesn’t mean that there aren’t men who like taking on the role of provider and protector. But these men are not necessarily throwbacks to an earlier time – unfortunately, they often take on this role as a way of dominating women. In fact, these men often look for women who are passive, who appear naive and innocent, because such women are easier to control.

–(end excerpt)–

Yes, as you can see, Venker’s advice, if followed, will open you up to appearing very attractive to abusive, selfish, cruel, or self-absorbed men who only want to use you, not care for you or about your needs.

The sorts of men you will attract if you follow Venker’s advice are not the sorts of men you want to date or marry. You want to avoid these guys, not marry them.

I also find this, from Engel’s book, highly pertinent (from page 126), where Engle is discussing a patient she had named Nina:

Nina was painting a picture of a storybook family life – the dutiful wife, the hardworking husband, the kids who were seen but not heard. Or was it? Nina was a young woman who was raised in the 1980s – not the fifties. Something just wasn’t adding up.

After several more sessions and some gentle prodding on my part, Nina finally opened up more about how it really was in her family. As it turned out, it wasn’t so perfect after all.

Yes, her mother was a dutiful wife, but her father was quite demanding. He expected his wife to wait on him hand and foot when he was home, and he was extremely hard to please.

There were many nights when he refused to eat what she [his wife, who was Nina’s mother] had cooked and insisted that she cook something else entirely. He complained if the house wasn’t immaculate and the kids weren’t bathed and dressed up when he got home.

As we continued to explore Nina’s childhood, Nina admitted that it really wasn’t by choice that her mother didn’t have any friends or didn’t go out much. It was at her father’s insistence that Nina’s mother not associate with anyone outside the family.

–(end excerpt)–

If you go by Venker’s marital advice, you may find yourself with a similar dynamic in your marriage that Nina’s mother was in. How many of you married women out there want that sort of loveless, emotionally abusive marriage?

Exchanging your decision-making abilities or duties for a life of ease and simplicity, all so more stress and responsibility falls on your husband, is a lazy, stupid, immature, potentially dangerous thing to do, and it’s actually unfair to your husband. I am dumb-founded that a conservative author any where would recommend that other women do this, or that she does this herself.

I hope this post of mine, with excerpts from books by a psychiatrist and a counselor, both of whom have treated many patients over the years (and hence have way more insight and experience in relationship dynamics than Venker does) clarifies just how terrible, sexist, and harmful relationship advice such as Venker’s is.

If you didn’t want to take my word for it, as (Link): based upon my experience and my mother’s, with how awful it was to utilize Venker-like advice in our own relationships, I hope the insights by professionals (one with a PhD) lends more credence.


I intend on writing a Part 5, if or when I get the time and/or inclination. And then, I think I may finally be done with this series. – Thankfully. This was not something I enjoyed writing all too much.


Related Posts:

(Link):  Alpha Females Part 1 – Nothing New Under the Sun. Conservative Women Keep Issuing Same Sexist, Unhelpful Dating And Marital Advice to Women

(Link):  Alpha Females Part 2 – Defining the Terms – How Anti-Feminists and Complementarians Misrepresent Concepts or Terms

(Link): A Response to Venker: Re: Personal Experience

(Link): Author Claims Andrea Tantaros’ Book About How Feminism ‘Made Women Miserable’ Was Ghostwritten by a Man

Benevolent Sexism in the Christian Bedroom (Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality) by J. Kamps

Benevolent Sexism in the Christian Bedroom (Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality) by J. Kamps

Some parts of these posts tackle subjects I’ve mentioned before on my blog in the past.

(Link):  It’s my orgasm, not his [part 1] by J. Kamps

(Link): It’s my orgasm, not his [part 2] by J. Kamps

Excerpts from (Link):  It’s my orgasm, not his [part 1] by J. Kamps

Jasmine’s story is an example of Benevolent Sexism. Hostile Sexism is fairly easy to recognise. Benevolent Sexism is sneaky and far more socially pervasive. It parades around wearing a facade of chivalry, making out women to be weaker, lesser, diminished, objectified, by using what are perceived as good manners, male consideration, and role definition.

Benevolent Sexism operates on the fundamental belief that, whether observed in practice or not, there IS a gender hierarchy.

….Benevolent Sexism even uses compliments and praise to disarm and disempower women. “Women are kinder, gentler, naturally more loving. Women are not as strong as men, so they require protection. Women are not as naturally competitive.”

Continue reading “Benevolent Sexism in the Christian Bedroom (Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality) by J. Kamps”

Christian Man Kills Wife Leaving Church After Sunday Worship; Couple Active Members for 20 Years – So Much for Being Equally Yoked, and Marriage Making Couples More Mature and Godly

Christian Man Kills Wife Leaving Church After Sunday Worship; Couple Active Members for 20 Years – So Much for Being Equally Yoked, and Marriage Making Couples More Mature and Godly

Under the “equally yoked” teaching, Christians will insist that Christian singles only marry another self-professing Christian. I don’t know why. There are kinder, more considerate Non-Christians out there a woman can choose from.

Look at this Christian married couple. The husband killed the wife at a church they had been attending for years. So much for “equally yoked.”

I also say maybe church isn’t the best place for adult Christian singles to meet other adult Christian singles(?)

(Link): Chicago Man Kills Wife Leaving Church After Sunday Worship; Couple Active Members for 20 Years

by A. Kumar

August 1, 2016

A 38-year-old man fatally shot his 36-year-old wife as she came out of her church in Chicago, Illinois, after Sunday service, and then shot himself to death. Both were found dead on the scene.

The shooting took place shortly after the morning service ended at Second Mount Olive Missionary Baptist Church on the West Side of Chicago on Sunday afternoon, the Rev. Kenneth Giles, the church’s pastor, said, according to (Link): Chicago Tribune.

Continue reading “Christian Man Kills Wife Leaving Church After Sunday Worship; Couple Active Members for 20 Years – So Much for Being Equally Yoked, and Marriage Making Couples More Mature and Godly”

When Sex Becomes Abusive in Marriage by J. Slattery

When Sex Becomes Abusive in Marriage by J. Slattery

There are men who identify as Christian who think the Bible teaches they are owed sex by their wives. They cherry pick and distort one or two Bible verses to try to prove this point (although the Bible says 1. the husband’s body is not his own but belongs to his wife and 2. though it is fine for a couple to abstain from sex).

There’s this guy who runs a very sexist blog where he claims that wives owe men sex, and if they don’t “put out” that the husband should punish the wife. This guy claims to be a Christian, and his blog posts are so “over the top” that people can’t figure out if he’s serious or a troll or a Poe.

You can read about him on SCCL (Stuff Christian Culture Likes) group (Link): here or (Link): here. I don’t want to directly link to the guy’s blog from mine, at least not at this time.

I have read Christian men online who claim there is no such thing as “marital rape,” though there is such a thing (laws in our nation even recognize it and outlaw it), and God does not condone of marital rape, of men taking a wife forcefully, or guilt tripping or manipulating her into sex, or threatening to punish her financially or in some other manner to get sex.

There is a lot of male entitlement among Christian men, and in certain denominations, theologies, or churches. Some preachers actually encourage this male entitlement. They twist the Scriptures to tell women that it’s God’s design for their spouse to rule over them, to get every whim and need satisfied when and how he wants it, and so on.

Many men – and this includes a lot of Christian ones – mistakenly believe that woman’s only role is to serve men, cater to men, whether that be sexually, to do nothing but cook and clean for a spouse, to bolster a man’s ego, to give them encouragement.

Never do these selfish, sexist male oafs consider how they can pamper the women around them, give encouragement to women, or meet a woman’s sexual needs and desires.

One of my disagreements in this otherwise fine piece I link you to below and offer a few excperts is where the author says that the Bible calls the husband to be “the leader” in the home – actually, no, it does not. That is a traditionalist, or complementarian type of interpretation of certain passages.

Here are off-site links to pages by Christians who have interpretations that dispute the traditional or complementarian view of marriage:

Without further ado, here are excerpts from “When Sex Becomes Abusive in Marriage” by J. Slattery.

(I don’t want to copy the entire article, so be sure to use the link here to visit their page to read the entire article, if this sort of topic interests you – I have placed portions of the article I found especially pertinent in bold face):

(Link):  When Sex Becomes Abusive in Marriage by J. Slattery

  • Sexual abuse can happen in marriage. Here are a few ways to identify it.
  • Sexual abuse within marriage can be quite a confusing concept. After all, doesn’t the Bible teach that a wife’s body belongs to her husband, and her husband’s body belongs to her?

  • Specifically, it says, “The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:4). Husbands have been known to quote such biblical teaching as a justification for sexually abusing their wives or demanding sex as a God-given right, but this verse seems to leave both a woman and man open to unwanted sex.

  • The recent popularity of BDSM (which stands for Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism) has blurred the lines of consensual sex even more. A couple that may begin by consensually experimenting with one person dominating the other in the bedroom may end up violating the will of the “submissive” spouse. This is simply sexual abuse by a chic name.
  • It’s critical to be able to recognize when your marriage has become abusive in the bedroom.
  • The dictionary defines the verb abuse as “to use something to a bad effect or for a bad purpose.” God did not create sex to be a weapon used to harm, manipulate, or coerce.

Continue reading “When Sex Becomes Abusive in Marriage by J. Slattery”

Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages

Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages

In the past, I have discussed how Christians give cliched-filled dating advice to Christian singles.

I’ve written before about how a lot of Christian dating advice is contradictory, condescending, impractical, stupid, sexist, or rude.

I’ve read a lot about how Christians handle women who are in terrible marriages.

I don’t know why it’s not dawned on me until now, but I think another reason anyone – Christian adult singles – should think twice about taking advice about dating or relationships from Christians is to look at how they deal with people who are in marriages that are loveless, abusive, or, in one recent case, people who discover they are married to pedophiles.

Continue reading “Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages”

Regarding: Discrediting the Bible on the Misinterpretation of Its Text

Discrediting the Bible on the Misinterpretation of Its Text

The title of this post comes from the comments of a guy named Dan Musick on the SCCL (Stuff Christian Culture Likes) group.

Drury, who is the moderator of the SCCL group, linked to this:

(Link): “Bible believing” pastors and the enabling of domestic violence

Dan Musick left this comment in that thread on SCCL (link to Musick’s comment):

  • Anyone using “fundamental Christianity” as an excuse for spousal abuse only shows that they have no actual clue what the fundamentals of Christianity are…..and to try to discredit the Bible based on misinterpretations of its text is not a productive exercise.

I used to believe that way myself. To an extent, that view has some validity.

On the other hand, one reason of 567 billion I now take issue with the Christian faith, after having been a conservative Christian since youth, is that so many Christians have in fact been misinterpreting the Bible for  so many centuries.

American Christians in the 19th century used biblical passages mentioning slavery as justification to keep black people as slaves. Christians today use one or two cherry picked verses to keep women out of preaching and leadership roles, and to insist that husbands have authority over wives. So, the Bible has been misinterpreted in many ways by many people for years, and it still is.

Even Christians who are conservative, who say they believe in “sola scriptura” sometimes arrive at totally opposing views about what the biblical text means, and when and how to apply what it says.

I don’t for the life of me understand why, if the text was written under the guidance of a deity, why that deity has allowed the text to be so unclear on some points, or to be so flexible, that anyone can twist it to mean anything they want it to, and at that, to hurt entire groups of people, such as 19th century black Americans or women today.

This is not something I care to discuss too much more in this post, because I’ve written about it on older posts, like here:

The fact is that physically and verbally abusive husbands can, do, and have, used the Bible to justify why they feel it is acceptable for them to beat or control their wives.

Often times, the same Bible verses these abusers point to as proof to justify their spousal abuse are the very same ones that gender complementarian Christians use to refuse women to serve as preachers, leaders, and in other such roles.

Who is to say which interpretations of the Bible are right and wrong? Christians cannot agree on baptism, transubstantiation, eternal security vs conditional security, etc.

What is the point in having a book supposedly written by a deity if nobody can agree on much of what that book says, or if some of them cherry pick and proof text that book, and do so in order to discriminate against groups of people, or to take advantage of people? And that is exactly what has been going on with the Bible for many centuries.

There may be some concepts in the Bible that are pretty clear – I am not a fan of liberal Christians who behave like the entire text is silly putty and can and should be interpreted in any old way one wishes – but I’m not as in line with the conservatives any more either, who act like the Bible is so clear on every topic there is, or who take it lightly that the Bible has been abused and wielded like a weapon to harm people.

—————————-

Related Posts:

(Link): Christians Who Take the Bible Literally Cannot Agree On Much of Anything 

(Link): Christians Once Again Trying to Explain Who The Bible’s Promises Are For – TGC Article

(Link):  Christians Who Can’t Agree on Who The Old Testament Is For and When or If It Applies

(Link): More Musings about Applicability of the Old Testament, Via One Man’s Testimony About Jeremiah 29:11

(Link):   Does God’s Plan to Do You No Harm, Prosper You, And Give You Hope and A Future Involve You Dying In a Fiery Plane Crash? Regarding Jeremiah 29:11 and Its Application

(Link): Christians Who Take the Bible Literally Cannot Agree On Much of Anything 

(Link): Sometimes the Bible is Clear – Regarding Rachel Held Evan’s Post

The Odd Evangelical Obsession With Sex and Its Ramifications, and How Sexual Purity Material Is Peddled For Profit by Christians: article from The Atlantic: The Warrior Wives of Evangelical Christianity

The Odd Evangelical Obsession With Sex and Its Ramifications: article from The Atlantic: The Warrior Wives of Evangelical Christianity 

Though this post’s title contains the word “Evangelical,” I see some of these same issues discussed below also crop up among some Fundamentalists and Calvinists / Reformed. Self-identifying evangelicals do NOT hold a monopoly on odd views about, or obsession with, sex and marriage, that is for sure.

Here is the link to the article, followed by some observations by me, and farther below that, excerpts from the article (the article goes on to discuss how Christian gender complementarianism, also known as “Biblical Manhood and Womanhood,” can be fertile ground for wife abuse, but I don’t think I will be focusing on that in my post), and I’ll probably make yet more comments below the excerpt:

(Link): The Warrior Wives of Evangelical Christianity by Emma Green

  • The intense focus on sexuality, purity, manhood, and womanhood in certain faith communities—and its consequences.

My thoughts:

I don’t know if I shall be copying portions from the last half of the article, where it discusses how complementarianism can lead to domestic violence or perpetuate it, or how white Christians have co-opted the word “evangelical.”

One section from the last half I did find interesting is where the authors or researchers interviewed who mentioned that what seems to be driving the purity culture and books on marriage and sex is profit – money.

It’s largely white evangelicals who are buying books about sex, marital sex, and sexual purity, so the white authors are pumping this material out to them to make a buck.

I see, of course, that Christians have been selling Jesus as a product for decades now, and I don’t only mean “Jesus Junk” (the t-shirts and bracelets that have Bible verses imprinted on them and so on), but your “Word of Faith” tele-evangelists who sell Jesus to make a profit.

The smarmy Word of Faith preachers promise you that if you tithe, or send them at least a one time check of X amount, that God will heal you, restore your marriage, or bless your finances.

That is pretty bad. But I find it highly distasteful that sexual purity is also being pushed as a money making venture by these people.

I lived out virginity (and I’m over 40 years of age) out of principle and true love for God, and I find it objectionable that evangelicals are turning these issues into a means to make money.

I find it appalling that virginity and sexuality are being shilled for a buck by evangelicals and Neo Calvinists.

That Christians are selling sex as a product at all, even in the form of sexual purity products (such as purity rings), and even under the guise of G-rated to PG- rated (or in the case of preacher Mark Driscoll, R- to- X rated) “marriage (sex)” guidance books, is still selling sex, which makes them like Madams of Whorehouses.

In my opinion, Christians selling sexual purity products or marital sex books is only removed a few degrees from secular culture, which also sells sex, via Playboy magazine, X-rated movies, and using large chested, bikini clad models on TV commercials to sell hamburgers.

I have discussed this before, such as:

(Link):  Sexual Purity, Virginity, and Celibacy As Product – and: Christian Myths That Are Keeping Marriage Minded Single Women Single Courtesy Dannah Gresh

Excerpts from (and I have more thoughts about this far, far below):

(Link): The Warrior Wives of Evangelical Christianity by Emma Green

  • “Your husband will want sex way more than you do,” advises Elizabeth of the blog Warrior Wives in a post called (Link): Wifey Sex Confessions.”
  • “God just made him to think about sex more than you. … Never demean this about him. Never laugh at him or make fun of him. Accept it as a difference.”
  • Accept it as a difference. It may sound like so much cliched marital advice, but this is a much-discussed idea about sexuality in the evangelical Christian community: Men and women are different.

Continue reading “The Odd Evangelical Obsession With Sex and Its Ramifications, and How Sexual Purity Material Is Peddled For Profit by Christians: article from The Atlantic: The Warrior Wives of Evangelical Christianity”

Man Convicted Of Rape After Drugging His Wife Will Serve No Prison Time

Man Convicted Of Rape After Drugging His Wife Will Serve No Prison Time

Mmm hmm, and many conservative Christians like to issue propaganda that married people are more godly, loving, and mature than singles, and that married people are not as apt to sexually sin as are older single adults. Wrong again.

(Link): Wife outraged when husband who drugged, raped her avoids jail time: ‘I was told that I needed to forgive my attacker’

    An Indiana jury found David Wise guilty of drugging and raping his wife — crimes that could have been punishable by up to 120 years in prison. But on Friday, a judge sentenced him to eight years of home detention instead. Mandy Boardman says now ex-husband’s sentence is way too light.

(Link): No prison time for Indiana man convicted of drugging, raping wife

(Link): Man who raped wife gets no prison time

(Link): Man Who Drugged, Raped Wife On Video Gets 8 Years Home Detention

    By Mary Wisniewski

    May 16 (Reuters) – An Indiana man was sentenced on Friday to eight years of home detention after being convicted of raping his wife when she was asleep and likely drugged, prosecutors said.

    A jury found David Wise, 52, of Indianapolis, guilty on April 30 of six felonies – one count of rape and five counts of deviate conduct, according to Peg McLeish, a spokeswoman for the Marion County prosecutor’s office.

    Marion County Superior Court Judge Kurt Eisbruber imposed a two-year suspended sentence plus eight years of home detention for the rape count. Ten-year suspended sentences were imposed for each of the remaining counts.

    “We had hoped for some prison time,” McLeish said.

    This means Wise will only be allowed to be at home or at work, with limited travel allowances. His whereabouts will be monitored by a GPS device attached to his person, according to McLeish.

    Wise was charged in 2011, after his now ex-wife told police she found three sex videos of her in Wise’s cellphone taken while she was asleep, according to court documents.

    The woman told police she believed Wise had been drugging her for about three years before their divorce in 2009, when she began to wake up often with a pill dissolving in her mouth, according to court documents.

    The woman said that Wise initially denied his actions, but then told her he had been drugging her and having sex with her while she was unconscious.

——————
Related posts:

(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

(Link): Preacher Found Guilty of Murdering His Second Wife, Probably Killed The First One, He Had Affair With Vulnerable, Grieving Woman at His Church

(Link): Married Christian Rock Singer in Legal Trouble for Hiring Hit Man To Kill His Wife – he also had drug addiction

(Link): Christian Host Pat Robertson Tells Christian Woman Who Married Christian Man Who Turned Out to Be Totally Unethical That She has Discernment of a Slug – Single Women: toss Be Equally Yoked teaching in the trash can

(Link): Males and Females Raped at Christian College, College Doesn’t Care – Equally Yoked is a Joke

(Link): Christian Single Women: Another Example of Why You Should Abandon the “Be Equally Yoked” Teaching: 21-Y-O Christianity Student, Children’s Minister Charged With Murdering Fiancée He Was to Wed in August; Made It Look Like Suicide

No Man’s Land – Between Agnosticism and Christianity / Also: It’s Emotional Not Intellectual (Part 1)

No Man’s Land – Between Agnosticism and Christianity / Also: It’s Emotional Not Intellectual (PART 1)

This will be a series of posts where my thoughts wander in and out and all over, and it rambles, but there is a point or two behind it.

Since I’ve been in a faith crisis the last couple of years, somewhere between being an agnostic and a Christian, I have noticed I don’t fit in anywhere. I reside in No Man’s Land.

(Even before then, when I was a total, committed Christian, and politically, I was, and am, right wing, I still didn’t fit in at most blogs and forums, including political ones, and including ones for right wingers!

I tend to be one of those personalities who annoys or angers everyone, even those on “my side” of an issue, except a small number of people, who are either on my side of a topic or not, who “get me” or who appreciate where I’m coming from – again, this is true for even the ones who disagree with me on whatever topic we are discussing.)

I am in this really weird place now, where I am critical of some aspects of conservative Christianity, and see where conservative Christians get some doctrines and other things wrong, but, too, I am not fully on board with militant atheism (I find the New Atheists to be arrogant, vile, hateful and rude), and I don’t even care for lukewarm atheism.

Nor am I in the camp of anything and all things liberal Christianity, except where I think they get the occasional point correct (such as their rejection of gender complementarianism).

Since drifting away from the Christian faith more the last few years, I more often began frequenting forums or blogs for and by atheists, ones by liberal Christians, ones by ex Christians, or by Christians who were abused by a former church who remain Christian but who dropped out of Church, or who now are on a crusade to expose abuse by preachers or the absurdity and harm of current evangelical gimmicks.

THE MILITANT ATHEISTS

A clarification: when I say I have been visiting atheist forums and blogs more often, I am very picky about which ones I regularly visit.

I do not like the frothing- at- the- mouth, extremely bitter, biased- against- Christians- type atheistic communities.

The bitter atheist groups sound like a bunch of irrational, hate-filled loons who reject Christianity for emotional reasons, but who lie to others and themselves and say, “Oh no, it’s purely intellectual.”

But their unrelenting, insane amount of hatred at any and all things God and Christian, is just a total turn-off to me, so I try to avoid such sites.

These angry, always-ranting atheists are really nothing more than Fundamentalist Atheists or Taliban Atheists. They are just as dogmatic about their atheism as Muslims are in their Wasabi Islam or Baptists are in their Neo Fundamentalism.

Really, those types of atheists are just as bad as the religious groups they claim they hate, but they don’t seem to spot that they are. It’s ironic – and it’s hard to stomach the day in, day out anger and hatred, so I try to avoid their sites.

HYPOCRITICAL CHRISTIANS VS NON HYPOCRITICAL CHRISTIANS

Also, you have to be honest with yourself, which I do not find militant atheists to be, by and large: not every single Christian is a hypocrite, jerk, idiot, dullard, or complete jackhole.

I say this as someone who is very fed up with Christianity and Christian persons myself these days.

But your average militant atheist will never admit that some Christians are in fact okay and not being hypocrites.

I have known and met a few Christians who were sincerely trying to live the Christian faith out, such as my mother, who is now deceased, and her mother before her (my grandmother).

I’ve met a few honest, sincere Christians online who do help people and show compassion to the wounded.

So it’s not fair to completely dismiss the entirety of Christians and their faith or treat them all like jerks because some are liars, mean, or abusive.

Which is not easy for me personally, because at the same time, I do keep noticing that a lot of self-professing believers do NOT live out what the Bible says.

Many self professing Christians today, for example, do not protect victims, such as young church members who have been sexually molested by preachers.

Nor do many church goers today hold accountable preachers who bilk their church goers out of millions to buy big mansions and jets.

These idiots, these lemmings, actually defend their greedy pastors online, which I’ve written about here: (Link): Your Preacher Sucks – and People Have a Right To Say So And Explain Why.

Then you have a conservative or evangelical culture, which claims to care deeply that people preserve sex until marriage, but if you actually find yourself 40 years of age and still single – and therefore still a virgin, such as myself – these same churches and Christians do not offer you any support.

You either go ignored, or preachers and talking heads of such groups “run down” and insult celibacy as well as older, celibate adults. Churches treat single (and especially celibate) adults as though they are flawed, lepers, weirdos, or losers.

Churches wrongly counsel abused wives to return to their spouses – this is particularly true, again, of churches or Christian groups who buy into “biblical womanhood” (aka “gender complementariansm”) or “patriarchy.”

Churches and average Christians also remain ignorant or callous about matters pertaining to mental health issues, from P.T.S.D. to depression and anxiety attacks.

Some Christians wrongly and insensitively teach that “real Christians” can never get depression or other mental health maladies.

Or, some Christians believe and teach that prayer, faith, service to the poor, or Bible reading alone can cure one of mental illness.

Still other Christians (or the same type) will shame and guilt suffering Christians for using anti-depressant medications, or for seeing secular or Christian psychiatrists and therapists (see this link for more, “Over 50 Percent of Christians Believe Prayer, Bible Reading Alone Can Cure Mental Illness (article) – In Other Words Half of Christians are Ignorant Idiots Regarding Mental Illness”).

Yet other Christians are incompetent at, or unwilling, to provide more ordinary, “every day,” run- of- the- mill comfort to other Christians who are hurting, such as a Christian who is stressed out over a job loss, someone who is in mourning for a deceased loved one, etc.

Christians are dropping the ball in numerous ways.

And this failure, this huge failure, causes life long Christians like me to look long and hard at the faith and wonder if it’s true at all.

It causes even someone such as myself to ask if the faith is true, because

  • it doesn’t appear to be working,
  • it doesn’t make a difference in people’s life who profess it,
  • most who claim to follow Christ don’t actually do what he taught,
  • and some Christians refuse to hold Christians caught in bald faced sin accountable but excuse them for the sin,

~ and it makes you wonder “what is the point, then.”

I find this discrepancy between confessed belief and actual practice shocking, because I myself sincerely tried living out the faith since childhood.

Also, my Christian mother was a role model for me, and she genuinely, consistently lived out and by biblical teachings, including getting up off her ass and actually HELPING people (giving them money if they were in a bind, cleaning their homes for them when they were sick, listening to them cry and rant about their problems for hours without judging them or interrupting them, etc).

I am not seeing most other Christians do any of this. They say they believe in those things but then they do not do them.

BLOGS AND FORUMS FOR SPIRITUALLY ABUSED OR THOSE HURT BY CHURCHES

Before I actually get into this topic (which I discuss more in Posts 2 and 3), here is some background leading up to it.

As far as the sites I have visited by liberal Christians, ex Christians, atheists, as well as sites by Christians for the spiritually abused:

By and large, these have been wonderful, supportive sites and groups to visit (the ones run by Christians for hurting Christians).

I have noticed, though, that there are problems even within these types of communities, and I don’t entirely fit in at them, either.

Continue reading “No Man’s Land – Between Agnosticism and Christianity / Also: It’s Emotional Not Intellectual (Part 1)”

Forced Child Marriages in Canadian Jewish Cult

Forced Child Marriages in Canadian Jewish Cult

h/t to The Friendly Atheist blog, which is where I first heard of this.

Not sure if I should weep or laugh that nutty views about family and children and procreation and such are not limited to Neo Reformed, Baptist, Evangelical, and Fundamentalist forms of Christianity but span to other religious faith traditions.

God only knows what type of demented, sexist crap this group taught about females – most religious groups blame and shame women, blame them for causing male sexual sin WHILE exploiting the females sexually (religious guys tend to be big hypocrites in this area, in other words).

(Link): ‘Jewish Taliban’ Lev Tahor Sect who Kept Girls in Basement Charged with Sexual Abuse

Excerpt:

    According to the documents, girls as young as 13 were imprisoned in basements and girls aged 14-15 were married to old men in the group. One woman said she was struck with a belt and a coat hanger and a pregnant 17-year-old girl said she was beaten by her brother, sexually abused by her father and married by force to a 30-year-old man when she was 15.

Continue reading “Forced Child Marriages in Canadian Jewish Cult”

Oklahoma to End Marriage and Make Divorce More Difficult – News Links (One report says more early marriage in Okla. seems to lead to more divorce)

Oklahoma to End Marriage and Make Divorce More Difficult – News Links

Oklahoma politicians want to make divorce more difficult to obtain, except in cases of abuse and adultery. Other Oklahoma politicians want to do away with marriage altogether.

(Link): To keep same-sex marriage illegal, Oklahoma lawmaker proposes ban on all marriages

    OKLAHOMA CITY, Jan. 27 (UPI) — An Oklahoma state lawmaker is so dedicated to keeping same-sex marriage illegal in his state that he has introduced a bill banning all marriages.

(Link): Lawmakers Consider Preventing ALL Marriage In Oklahoma

Self Professing Christian Guy, Closeted Homosexual, Apparently Killed His Wife (or had her killed) – Also: Christian Group IHOP Sexualizes Jesus Christ and God

Christian Guy, Closeted Homosexual, Apparently Killed His Wife (or had her killed)

Another splendid example of why Christian single women are just as well off dating and marrying Non Christians guys as they are Christian males.

    Disclaimer: I am not suggesting by posting such stories that ALL Christian males are closeted homosexuals, abusive, killers, perverts, crack pots, or weirdos, but enough of them are in the news stories I see to have convinced me by now that Non Christian males are no more a risk to date or marry.

Found via “Stuff Christian Culture Likes” Facebook group:

(Link): Love and Death In the House of Prayer

    Tyler Deaton, a self-appointed apostle in one of the fastest-growing evangelical movements, loved Jesus, Harry Potter and, much to his dismay, other men. When his wife turned up dead, the secrets began to spill out

According to this article from Rolling Stone, Deaton became a member of something called IHOP (International House of Prayer) founded by another guy who sounds equally crack-potish, Bickle. The article described some of the group’s beliefs – many of which are nutty and have zero biblical support.

The following is from page two, referring to the girl (Bethany) who this Tyler person later married and, according to the article, either killed or had killed:

    She [Bethany] could also be lavishly, almost immoderately romantic. She imagined herself as a novelist and professor at a small university, living in a cottage in the woods. “The dream of her heart was to be married,” Herrington recalls. “We used to stay up late talking about it, night after night. She had been praying for her husband since she was a teenager. She had written him letters, before they even met.” She found herself “fiercely attracted” to Deaton and was convinced that God had ordained their union. She was aware of his struggles with homosexuality but believed that God would use her to heal his heart.

There you have it, Christian ladies: you can pray and rely on God to send you a spouse – as so many Christian leaders, dating books, and preachers advise – and end up marrying an apparently violent, psychotic, closeted homosexual, instead of the hetero, Christian White Knight on a Steed you were hoping for and expecting.

One wonders why God, if he exists, would allow a Christian young woman, who was trusting him in this area of her life, (and as Christian girls are heavily encouraged to do by leaders and parents), only for God to let her down in such a spectacular fashion?

The founder of the IHOP group to which Deaton belonged appears to have sexualized Jesus Christ, and the relationships Christians have with him, though he claims this is not so:

Pastor charged in wife’s murder was headed to Europe to marry boyfriend, prosecutor says – Single Xtian Ladies: Kick that Be Equally Yoked Teaching to the Curb! Also: Marriage and Parenthood do not make people more godly or mature or loving or ethical

Pastor charged in wife’s murder was headed to Europe to marry boyfriend, prosecutor says – Single Christian Ladies: Kick that Be Equally Yoked Teaching to the Curb!

Why exactly do married Christians keep demanding that Christian single ladies hold out for a Xtian man, when so many Christian men are closeted homosexuals or abusive jackholes?

I don’t think Christian single ladies should base their entire romantic destiny on a single 1,900 year old sentence that asks “what fellowship does light have with darkness,” or whatever.

Look at what happens when you DO marry a Christian guy, you get this (by the way, this guy is also a FATHER – and a homosexual – if you’re a hetero woman, the Christian dude you marry may dump you for another dude –
Also: I guess Christian married sex must not be “mind blowing” like Christians promise, since this guy dumped his wife to run off with some other guy):

(Link): Children’s Pastor Accused of Murdering Wife Wanted New Life with Boyfriend: Authorities

(Link): Pastor, 53, arrested at the airport after ‘stabbing his wife to death was heading to Europe to marry his boyfriend’

    By DAILY MAIL REPORTER
    PUBLISHED: 12:23 EST, 17 January 2014

-Richard Shahan was arrested at Tennessee airport in January although he was required to stay in the country as police investigated his wife’s death
-Claimed he had been with his son at the time of her death last July and that he was leaving the country for a three-year mission
-But police said inconsistencies led them to suspect him
-Prosecutors said 3,000 emails revealed ‘he was hoping to leave U.S. and eventually settle in the U.K., where he was going to marry his boyfriend’

(Link): Alabama pastor accused of murdering wife wanted to marry boyfriend: prosecutors

    Prosecutors say Rev. Richard Lee Shahan, formerly of Birmingham’s First Baptist Church, had plans to flee to Europe to marry his boyfriend. The minister has been charged with murdering his wife, Karen Louise Shahan.

(Link): Children’s Pastor Arrested at Airport in Wife’s Brutal Murder

(Link): Affidavit accuses ex-Homewood pastor Richard Shahan of cutting, stabbing wife to death

(Link): Pastor charged in wife’s murder was headed to Europe to marry boyfriend, prosecutor says

    By Kelsey Stein

on January 16, 2014 at 4:16 PM,

  • IRMINGHAM, Alabama – Bond for the former Homewood pastor charged with murder in his wife’s stabbing is set at $100,000 after prosectors said he tried to leave the country to marry his boyfriend.
  • Continue reading “Pastor charged in wife’s murder was headed to Europe to marry boyfriend, prosecutor says – Single Xtian Ladies: Kick that Be Equally Yoked Teaching to the Curb! Also: Marriage and Parenthood do not make people more godly or mature or loving or ethical”

    Woman Stabs Husband with Ceramic Squirrel For Not Buying Beer (another time I’m glad I’ve never married)

    Woman Stabs Husband with Ceramic Squirrel For Not Buying Beer

    Anytime I feel blue over not being married, I see stories like this and feel relief, pure, sweet relief, that I am single.

    I love the one Christian fable that an individual must achieve full maturity and godliness before God will grant a person a spouse.

    I’m more mature and non-violent than this bitch who attacked her spouse with a ceramic squirrel. I may have my own set of flaws, but stabbing people with ceramic chotchkies in a fit of rage for not buying beer (or whatever other reason) ain’t one of them. Yet, according to married people Christian logic, God somehow saw fit to send this psycho woman a husband, but not one for me.

    (Link): Helen Ann Williams Stabbed Beerless Husband With Ceramic Squirrel: Police

    (Link): South Carolina woman stabs husband with ceramic squirrel in beer dispute

    By David Ferguson
    Saturday, December 28, 2013 13:36 EST
    A woman in North Charleston, South Carolina was arrested on Christmas after she stabbed her husband for coming home without any beer. According to Charleston, South Carolina’s News Channel 2, Helen Ann Williams, 44, attacked her 41-year-old common law husband with a ceramic sculpture of a squirrel.

    Police arrived at Williams’ home shortly after midnight Wednesday and found a man bleeding from a deep gash that ran from his shoulder to his chest. Initially Williams tried to convince police that the man had fallen and cut himself.

    Police then asked Williams why she had blood all over her hands and clothes and she told them it had come from someone else. Finally, she broke down and admitted that she sent her spouse to the store for beer. Finding the store closed, he returned home empty handed.

    It was at that point that the woman flew into a rage and attacked him. The man was treated at a local hospital and released. Williams remains incarcerated on $10,000 bond. Police charged her with criminal domestic violence of a high and aggravated nature.


    Related Posts:

    (Link):  Woman accused of beating husband with nunchucks because he refused sex

    (Link): Woman Throws Frozen Porkchop at Boyfriend’s Face

    (Link):  Vietnam man, 44, stabs a wedding guest to death after he was booed off stage during a tragic karaoke performance

    Awesome Relationship Advice for Single Women by Ms Heart Beat

    Awesome Relationship Advice for Single / Unmarried Women by Ms Heart Beat

    Ms Heart Beat sometimes writes under the name of Deborrah, and she primarily writes for black ladies, but I, a white lady, totally relate to some of her views.

    I don’t always agree with all her opinions, but she is right on the money on some topics. She sometimes peppers her pod casts (or articles) with “adult” language, but don’t let that dissuade you from reading or listening to her material.

    Ms. Heart Beat (aka Deborrah), I take it, is not a Christian (though she might be, just not one who subscribes to “gender complementarianism”). I do agree with her that a lot of religious teachings, including ones upheld by evangelical and fundamentalist Christianity – do teach sexism and codependency as acceptable, biblical roles for women under the title of “traditional gender roles” or “biblical gender complementarianism.”

    She is also right on the money that women need to hold MEN accountable for MEN’S sexual failings. (That is, for instance, if you are married to a man who sleeps with another woman, you need to be angry at your spouse, not at the mistress.)

    Ms. Heart Beat also mentions, in one or both pod casts, that a lot of women think that being single is a fate worse than going to the gas chamber, and that males perpetuate this sort of thinking (and so do segments of Christianity), and she is correct about that – people do in fact make women think that being single is a fate worse than death.

    So. You may not agree with all Ms. Heart Beat’s views or all of her word choices (there is cussing involved in these pod casts), but you can learn a lot from her.

    edit. Another caveat.
    After listening to her podcast entitled, “What is a Hoe and Why a Man Should Happily Marry One,” is pretty much anti-virgin and is basically encouraging men to marry “hoes” (women with prior sexual experience).

    She is presenting female virgins as being frigid or bores in bed, which she believes leads married men to cheat… but, as she says in other shows, a man’s sexual failings are his and his alone; it does not matter if the wife is spectacular in bed or a bore, if the man cheats, that’s on him.

    Other than that anti-virgin perspective, the rest of her relationship advice is pretty good.

    (Link): Are Women Socialized to be Codependent? (podcast)

    (Link): The Male Identified Woman (pod cast)

      Explanation of a “male identified” female and how she contributes to the promotion of patriarchial attitudes in both men and women. This episode provides a complete explanation of patriarchy and how it is used in religion, the legal system, society at large, and in our family structure to control females.

      Learn how male-identified women encourage female submission and codependency. Heated discussion of how female indoctrination into the patriarchial mindset makes women believe that being single is akin to going to the gas chamber! How patriarchial attitudes are harming females around the globe and why women must denounce every aspect of their socialization which accepts male dominance and superiority.

    I haven’t listened to this one yet, but it looks interesting (and see my “Why I Post Anonymously” page on this blog, go to “About” and the link to it is on the “About” page – I have good reasons why I do not blog under my real name):
    (Link): Male War on Women – Stalking and Violence Against Women

      In this final edition of our four part series on the War Against Women we’ll investigate how men view rejection by females, modern dating trends in the “hook up” generation, stalking behaviors, why men murder ex-wives and ex-girlfriends, and birth control sabotage as a weapon in domestic violence.
      The call-in number is 347-327-9215.

    (Link): Ms. Heart Beat’s Blog Talk Main Page – where you can listen to more pod casts
    ——————————-
    Related posts:

    (Link): Why Women Should Stop Having Children (by Deborrah)

    (Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

    One of the Very Few Times I Have No Sympathy For A Former Domestic Abuse Victim – Letter to Amy From “Conflicted”

    One of the Very Few Times I Have No Sympathy For A Domestic Abuse Victim

    I’m usually very sympathetic towards women who are married to abusive men, or who have been. I think this may be one exception.

    This woman KNOWS the guy is a womanizing, abusive dirt bag, divorced him, knows he is seriously dating another woman, but is having sex with him in the meantime.

    Note that this woman is having sex with this abusive ex; she must enjoy and like sex. I mention this because usually, evangelical and fundy Christians behave as though most females (especially married ones) are not the least bit interested in sex.

    There is a gender stereotype among Christians that women only like “emotional” intimacy and never feel sexual desire, much less want to act on sexual desire.

    By Amy Dickinson, Published: December 2

      DEAR AMY:
      My conscience is bothering me. Two years ago, I divorced my husband of five years. It was a second marriage for both of us. We loved each other, but our marriage was deeply troubled.

      I frequently caught him lying. He had many inappropriate relationships with other women. His spending was out of control, putting me in serious financial jeopardy.

      Worst of all, during a two-year period of our marriage and on five occasions, he was physically abusive. Not a slap or a shove, but full-out rage. I thought he would kill me.

      Fast-forward to today: He and I continue to be close. We see each other frequently and have a lively sexual relationship. I have no illusions about his other activities and have always assumed that he is dating other women, as I have been dating other men.

      Still, I was shocked to learn that he has been in a serious relationship with a lovely young woman. I looked her up on social media, and I can tell she is head over heels in love with him.

      He has told me they are talking about marriage and children, although he is conflicted (about me). While she knows about our continued “friendship,” she has no idea how entrenched we continue to be, nor does she know that he has been sexually intimate with me the entire time he was courting her. Further, she does not know that he owes thousands of dollars on credits cards and has not filed his taxes in two years. Creditors call me daily looking for him. Clearly, he also has not told her about his history with domestic violence.

      As a mother, I feel protective of her innocence and cluelessness about him. She seems to want children and the white picket fence. I believe he will ruin her life. What obligation do I have to share any of this information with her? I don’t know what to do.
      Conflicted

    When I read lunacy like this, I am glad that I have never married.