Thoughts Regarding ‘Crisis in the Christian Church: A Lack of Young, Single Men’ Essay by S. Green

Thoughts Regarding ‘Crisis in the Christian Church: A Lack of Young, Single Men’ Essay by S. Green

I will excerpt this essay from The Christian Post, which was published about a month ago, then offer my thoughts.

I will start out by saying it’s not just a lack of YOUNG men in the church, but a lack of single men of ANY age at churches that is a problem for any Christian single woman who expected to be able to find a marital partner at a church.

I remain single past my 30s and 40s. I had wanted to be married, I was taught by Christian culture and my parents that if I was just a good Christian person, prayed, and trusted in God, that I would be “sent” a Christian spouse, and that I could likely expect to meet this spouse, whoever he was, at a church.

So, over the years, in my 20s and older, I would pop into the occasional church every so often. However, any time I attended,  there were never any single men of my age, once I got into my mid or late 20s, my 30s, and my 40s.

It’s not just women in their 20s who’d like to marry, it’s women in their 30s and on up age-wise who’d like to marry. Why oh why do Christians always ignore them? It’s not fair or okay.

Never, ever focus solely on 20-something singles.

With that, here is the article – below the article, I will offer my observations:

(Link): Crisis in the Christian Church: A lack of young, single men

Excerpts:

By Solomon Green, March 4, 2021

….Churches are increasingly becoming a (Link): very unpopular [PDF document] place to meet a future wife or husband since the 1940s. The truth is, Christian Culture is dying.

…new families cannot be formed when there is a barrier of severe gender imbalance.  According to (Link): Lyman Stone’s study, a typical Sunday service has 71 eligible men to 100 eligible women.

This is an enormous problem within the Body of Christ that isn’t getting any better or going to fix itself.

New men aren’t just going to walk into churches. So how do churches fix this? Well, here are three steps to help solve the problem.

Step One: Have more Sunday sermons focused on careers, sex, and marriage. These topics are of great importance, yet are hardly covered from the pulpit …

Continue reading “Thoughts Regarding ‘Crisis in the Christian Church: A Lack of Young, Single Men’ Essay by S. Green”

I Haven’t Had A Boyfriend For A Decade. Here’s What I Learned. by R. Thompson

I Haven’t Had A Boyfriend For A Decade. Here’s What I Learned. by R. Thompson

Before I paste in excerpts from the article (see farther below), I wanted to say, yes, it’s unfortunately common for family and friends to shame you about being single; it’s common for them to poke fun or ask questions about “why aren’t you married yet?” or “why don’t you have a boyfriend?,” and so forth.

Now, I’m not sure of the author’s (Thompson’s) age of this piece I am excerpting below, but if you are a single adult reading this, and you find yourself nodding along in empathy and solidarity, because you too know what it feels like to be pressured or shamed by friends and family for being single, I wanted to point out that this shaming, guilt tripping, mockery and so on, doesn’t last forever.

I am now in my late forties; most people will stop questioning you and mocking you about “why aren’t you married or dating anyone yet” at some stage of your life, probably in your mid-40s.

You will have to endure a lot of the annoying, at times hurtful, mocking, innuendo, shaming, teasing, pressure, and so on and so forth, in your younger years.

The mid 30s seem to be the height of this singles shaming and ridicule for most people (based on anecdotes I’ve seen from other single adults over the years).

Continue reading “I Haven’t Had A Boyfriend For A Decade. Here’s What I Learned. by R. Thompson”

Awful Early-Marriage Promoting Editorial, ‘The Future of Christian Marriage,’ from The Christian Post that Actually Cites Deviant Mark Regnerus (December 2020)

Awful Early-Marriage Promoting Editorial, ‘The Future of Christian Marriage,’ from The Christian Post that Actually Cites Deviant Mark Regnerus (December 2020)

Below: another article (this time from The Christian Post) seemingly advocating for the good ol’ days when, supposedly, most women got married by the age of 21 and popped out 10 kids apiece and lamenting at how folks just aren’t quite into marriage now as much as they used to be.

Such articles inadvertently suggest that being single and/or childless are somehow “wrong,” immoral, dangerous for society, or “second best.” They are sometimes (Link): intentionally or inadvertently singles-shaming.

Seems that about once a year, every year, some secular conservative or Christian group or person releases some kind of editorial bemoaning delayed marriage.

You can count on these things appearing regularly. Just like death and taxes, or the sun rising in the east tomorrow.

Continue reading “Awful Early-Marriage Promoting Editorial, ‘The Future of Christian Marriage,’ from The Christian Post that Actually Cites Deviant Mark Regnerus (December 2020)”

‘I’m A Single Mid-Lifer – Here’s What I’m Planning to Get Me Through Christmas – I Feel Crushing Shame About Being Single in Mid-Life’

‘I’m A Single Mid-Lifer – Here’s What I’m Planning to Get Me Through Christmas – I Feel Crushing Shame About Being Single in Mid-Life’

I don’t have an account – well I used to, but no more – so I am unable to access the full article below. You will have to log in to their site if you want to read this article:

(Link): ‘I’m a single midlifer – here’s what I’m planning to get me through Christmas’ by Kate Mulvey 

 I already know how Christmas morning will play out for me. I’ll FaceTime my two sisters and their families, and wish them a Happy Christmas. When they ask me how I am, I’ll reply “Absolutely hunky dory” with a cheery smile to hide the crushing shame I feel about being single in midlife, suddenly stuck in Tier 4 and unable to join my extended family for the most important day of togetherness in the year. As a childless, unmarried woman of 56, people like me already find this time of year painful.

As I said, no excerpts this time on my blog. Click the link above to read it if you want to read it.  What you see above is all I could get.

By the same author, written a few years ago:

(Link): I’m single at 50. Why? Men hate me being brainier than them, says KATE MULVEY

(Link): The mediocre men you pay to meet at ‘elite’ dating agencies

Related Posts:

(Link): Do You Need a Partner to Have a Happy Life? by D. LaBier

(Link): Do You Feel Shame About Being Single? By John Amodeo, PhD

(Link): People Who Get Divorced Are More Likely To Die Early Than Those …  Who Never Got Married In the First Place, Study Shows (2020)

Can We Stop Saying Singleness is God’s Will? by Anonymous via Sheila Wray Gregoire

Can We Stop Saying Singleness is God’s Will? by Anonymous via Sheila Wray Gregoire

A few weeks ago, Sheila Wray Gregorie, who maintains a Christian martial advice blog, shared (Link): this on twitter.

A woman who runs yet another blog (called (Link): “True Love Dates”) featured a post by a single adult woman who I guess posted under a pen name, or as anonymous.

This single woman explained in her comment that, no, it’s not God’s will for all single women to be single, and for so many Christians to keep mouthing this assumption or repeating it in their sermons, books, or blogs is hurtful and discouraging to some single women who’d like to be married but who have not met the right person.

I too have done several posts over the years attempting to correct some of the wrong, hurtful, or insensitive teachings and attitudes that a lot of Christians have about singleness –
– such as, (Link): God told you to marry your spouse;
or, it’s (Link): God’s will for most to marry;
or that (Link): single adults exist only to serve married couples;
or that (Link): unwanted and protracted singleness is a “gift” God bestows upon some. (There are so many Christian fallacies about singleness.)

Here is the featured content for this post, and I agree that Christians need to stop saying that singleness (especially unwanted protracted singleness) is “God’s will.”

(Link): Can We Stop Saying Singleness is God’s Will?

Excerpts:

[by Sheila Wray Gregoire]

If you’ve never been married, does that mean that it was always God’s will that you would be single?

I think we talk about that a lot–that people are “called to singleness”, as if God decides before you were born, “Oh, I’m going to make sure that Jennifer doesn’t get married,” or “I’d prefer Stacey never meet the man of her dreams.”

Now, I do believe that God puts on some people’s hearts to be single, and to dedicate their life to a singular purpose to serve Him, in which singleness is necessary.

But I don’t think that’s the majority of people who are single.

Continue reading “Can We Stop Saying Singleness is God’s Will? by Anonymous via Sheila Wray Gregoire”

Pat Robertson’s Downer, Bad Advice to Gabby the Mid-30s, Never Married Lady Who’s Not Having Success with Dating Sites

Pat Robertson’s Downer, Bad Advice to Gabby the Mid-30s, Never Married Lady Who’s Not Having Success with Dating Sites

On February 25, 2020, Christian program “The 700 Club” had Pat Robertson answer a question from a mid-30s woman named Gabby who would like to get married, but to summarize her point, she says most of the men who identify as Christian on dating sites are tawdry, gross, etc.

So, she asks Robertson what to do – which is a big mistake.

I’ve said before on this blog that single adults (especially women) should (Link): stop asking Pat Robertson for relationship advice. Because nine out of ten times, his advice will be impractical, insensitive, and/or sexist.

You can listen to the lady co-host read Gabby’s letter, and listen to Pat Robertson’s advice to her around the 45 minute mark (Link): here (CBN’s site)

(They may eventually upload that Feb. 25, 2020 question to their (Link): “Honest Answers” channel on You Tube, I don’t know.)

From what I recall of the segment when I watched it on TV:

Pat Robertson pushes the “be equally yoked” garbage on Gabby, telling her that no matter how desperate she feels, no matter if she worries about becoming “an old maid,” to NOT marry a Non-Christian.

A bit later, Robertson goes on to tell Gabby that maybe God is keeping her single because God wants her all to himself.

I almost barfed and then threw a rock at my television set when I heard that.

Continue reading “Pat Robertson’s Downer, Bad Advice to Gabby the Mid-30s, Never Married Lady Who’s Not Having Success with Dating Sites”

The “Dating Market” Is Getting Worse by A. Fetters and K. Tiffany

The “Dating Market” Is Getting Worse b A. Fetters and K. Tiffany

For anyone who cannot wait to get to it, here’s the link to the piece on The Atlantic:

(Link): The ‘Dating Market’ Is Getting Worse

Some of my comments about that piece before I put in some excerpts from it:

About the only “numbers approach” I have ever mentioned on my own blog here is that Christian women really do unnecessarily limit themselves if they try to live out the “Be Equally Yoked” philosophy in regards to dating and marriage, because the reality is, yes, the math is that there are not enough single, Christian men to go around for all the Christian single women who’d like to marry.

So, it makes sense to forgo the “equally yoked” rule, if one is a Christian, to date outside the Christian faith.

At the same time, though, I have seen other adults singles make much too much out of the “numbers game” philosophy on dating sites or comments sections on blogs about dating, where they make finding a romantic life partner sound so cold, or as though they’re shopping for a car.

There’s nothing wrong with having standards, but I am afraid there is a category of single adult who is too stringent or unrealistic with their lists of “must haves.”

I am personally turned off by anyone dispensing dating or “how to get married” advice who behave  as though there is a sure-fire guarantee way to land a spouse – because (Link): there is no such thing.

So, I’m really turned off by the many (sexist) attitudes and lists out there telling women if only the women do X, Y, and Z, they will absolutely get married to a great guy.

One problem is that most of these lists (which go viral on Twitter) are predicated on the notion that all men want and prefer 1950s, submissive, uber-feminine women.

Well, I lived that way for many decades – I was raised in a very traditional family that was into conservative values – so I had many of those prized traits sexist men online say will grant a woman a husband, but I remain never-married into my late 40s.

I was a very meek, docile, passive, sweet woman with traditional values, and no, it didn’t get me a husband.

(As I’ve aged, I’ve realized that it’s not a healthy or safe dating strategy for a woman to fit the picture of docile, overly feminine, passive, etc, that the “dating advice” gurus suggest on twitter and elsewhere, because many abusive, selfish, or controlling men intentionally seek out women with such qualities so that they can control, abuse, or take advantage of them.)

There are many conservatives – including women authors, unfortunately – who keep writing dating advice books for women, or who go on to FOX cable news morning shows, who keep encouraging women to engage in these dangerous dating strategies (of being a doormat, where being “feminine” is associated with doormat behaviors), which I’ve written about before (Link): here and (Link): here, among other blog posts.

The article below states at one point that men out-number women on dating sites. That may be so on some sites, but certainly not all.

Years ago, I had a paid membership on a dating site, and the site was forever claiming they could find no matches for me, most of the time.

For the four or five month paid subscription I had, I was only linked up to a total of about three men in that time.

My research on that particular online dating company found it’s the same with a lot of women, as it had been for me: that site tends to only “dribble out” a tiny number of matches for women, while they send male members more matches per month, every month.

Here are excerpts from…

(Link): The ‘Dating Market’ Is Getting Worse

The old but newly popular notion that one’s love life can be analyzed like an economy is flawed—and it’s ruining romance.

It’s understandable that someone like Liz [a 30 year old single who is using dating apps to find dates] might internalize the idea that dating is a game of probabilities or ratios, or a marketplace in which single people just have to keep shopping until they find “the one.”

The idea that a dating pool can be analyzed as a marketplace or an economy is both recently popular and very old:
For generations, people have been describing newly single people as (Link): 
“back on the market” and (Link): analyzing dating in terms of supply and demand.

Continue reading “The “Dating Market” Is Getting Worse by A. Fetters and K. Tiffany”

What It’s Like To Date After Middle Age by F. Hill

What It’s Like To Date After Middle Age by F. Hill

For the record, I myself am NOT over the age of 50, but this article is mostly about folks age 60 and older.

(Link): What It’s Like To Date After Middle Age by F. Hill

Excerpts:

Newly single older people are finding a dating landscape vastly different from the one they knew in their 20s and 30s.

January 8, 2020

When Rhonda Lynn Way was in her 50s and on the dating scene for the first time since she was 21, she had no idea where to start.

Her marriage of 33 years had recently ended, and she didn’t know any single men her age in Longview, Texas, where she lives.

She tried to use dating apps, but the experience felt bizarre and daunting. “You’re thrust out into this cyberworld after the refuge of being in a marriage that—even if it wasn’t wonderful—was the norm. And it’s so difficult,” she told me.

Way is now 63 and still single. She’s in good company: (Link): More than one-third of Baby Boomers aren’t currently married.

Throughout their adult life, their generation has had (Link): higher rates of separation and divorce, and (Link): lower rates of marriage in the first place, than the generations that preceded them.

And as people are living longer, the divorce rate for those 50 or older is (Link): rising. But that longer lifespan also means that older adults, more than ever before, have years ahead of them to spark new relationships.

Continue reading “What It’s Like To Date After Middle Age by F. Hill”

Duck Seeking Duck: Man Posts Duck Wanted Ad For His Widowed Pet Duck

Duck Seeking Duck: Man Posts Duck Wanted Ad For His Widowed Pet Duck

(Link): Lonesome duck: Dating ad seeks match for man’s grieving bird 

(Link): Duck Seeking Duck: Man Posts Duck Wanted Ad For His Widowed Pet Duck

BLUE HILL, Maine — There’s no Tinder for waterfowl, but that didn’t stop a Maine bird owner from trying to find a match for a mourning duckling.

One of Chris Morris’ ducks, Yellow Duck, lost its mate to a hungry bobcat a couple of weeks ago at Morris’ yard in Blue Hill. Morris, a 31-year-old special education teacher, drew up a singles ad for Yellow Duck and placed it on a community bulletin board at a local grocery store.

Continue reading “Duck Seeking Duck: Man Posts Duck Wanted Ad For His Widowed Pet Duck”

The Art of Being Single by E. Bernstein

The Art of Being Single by E. Bernstein

(Link): The Art of Being Single

Excerpts:

March 2019

After Katie Tomaszewski divorced at the age of 28, she felt ashamed to be alone.

So she did what she thought a single person should do: She over-dated, over-worked and over-socialized, inviting friends over for dinner nearly every night because she was afraid of being lonely.

“It was constant socializing and constant distraction,” says Ms. Tomaszewski, now a 36-year-old Pilates instructor in Chicago. “I became desperate and depressed, looking for someone—anyone—to save me from being alone.”

Yes, it can be tough to be single. But a new study published this past December in the Journals of Gerontology offers hope for those who are struggling.

Singles today are more satisfied with their lives than singles in the past, the study found.

Continue reading “The Art of Being Single by E. Bernstein”

Dear Advice Columnist: ‘I am fed up with never having had a girlfriend and being a Virgin at 34’

Dear Advice Columnist: ‘I am fed up with never having had a girlfriend and being a Virgin at 34’

(Link): Dear Advice Columnist: ‘I am fed up with never having had a girlfriend and being a virgin at 34’ 

DEAR DEIDRE: SIMPLY put, I am fed up with never having had a girlfriend and being a virgin at 34.

I am a big guy, 6ft 6in and with a large build and I find it almost impossible to meet women who want more than just friendship.

Continue reading “Dear Advice Columnist: ‘I am fed up with never having had a girlfriend and being a Virgin at 34’”

‘I Hate Dating Apps So Much!’ By Heather Havrilesky

‘I Hate Dating Apps So Much!’ By Heather Havrilesky

(Link): ‘I Hate Dating Apps So Much!’ By Heather Havrilesky

Dear Polly,

I’m a huge fan, and I’m so grateful for your writing. There is one area, however, where I think you may have a blind spot, and that is the absolutely terrible plight of trying to find love on dating apps.

Your general advice about the pursuit of love always resonates:
Build a life alone that you love; hold onto your belief that love exists even when it makes you feel vulnerable and uncool; if you meet someone you think you like but they’re tepid or not fully invested, go ahead and tell them to fuck off.

I now read this and think, “Yep, got it, great advice, duly noted.”

My execution is sometimes imperfect, but I remain fully convinced that you are right about these things.

However, that belief doesn’t change the day-to-day, grueling nature of what “being open to love” in 2019 entails.

I am 35 years old, and I have been on and off dating websites or apps for almost a decade.

During that time, I’ve met a very small handful of people I ended up caring deeply for, or felt I could deeply care for, but for various reasons it has never worked out.

Continue reading “‘I Hate Dating Apps So Much!’ By Heather Havrilesky”