My Thoughts Regarding the Article The Hard Truth About Mr. Right by Joy Beth Smith

My Thoughts Regarding the Article The Hard Truth About Mr. Right by Joy Beth Smith

This was an article or a series of excerpts by some up and coming book about singleness. Here are some of my thoughts about it.

(Link):  The Hard Truth About Mr. Right by Joy Beth Smith

A few points where I agree with the article: yes, as one gets older (assuming one wants marriage), one feels more and more pressure, and it gets stressful or sad to see one’s peers getting married off while one is still single. Yes, dating can be horrible and exhausting.

I get the feeling that Ms. Smith is in her 20s or 30s, and her article (or book) is perhaps aimed at younger singles.

I’m in between the ages of 45 and 50  myself presently, so maybe I’m older than her target demographic.  I was engaged to a guy from my late 20s into my early 30s and broke things off with him, but I have never been married.

I’m not sure if my age matters or not, but my age might mean that I’m able to spot wonky thinking in this article that a younger single may be blind to.

Continue reading “My Thoughts Regarding the Article The Hard Truth About Mr. Right by Joy Beth Smith”

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Woman on 700 Club Claims God Told Her To Marry Bearded Guy

Woman on 700 Club Claims God Told Her To Marry Bearded Guy

I pretty much detest this Christian view that, “God sent me a spouse!”

And wouldn’t you know that just a few days ago on “700 Club” there was a story on there on (Link): their Valentine’s Day (February 14, 2018) episode (at least I’m fairly sure it aired on Valentine’s Day, though I could be wrong on that) where this woman said she broke up with this dude, and she said she “felt the LORD” telling her to do so, that he “had something better” for her.

What’s worse than seeing these stories, or having a Christian show broadcast such stories, is for them to do so on Valentine’s Day, which may be a difficult day for some singles to get through.

Continue reading “Woman on 700 Club Claims God Told Her To Marry Bearded Guy”

Ed Stetzer’s Marriage Article on Christianity Today and C. Allen’s Response

Ed Stetzer’s Marriage Article on Christianity Today and C. Allen’ s Response

Christianity Today magazine (Link): tweeted about an article about marriage by Ed Stetzer.

I have written about another Stetzer piece before, this one:

(Link): Hey Ed Stetzer: Opposite Gender Friendships Are Not Sinful

Ed Stetzer’s Advice: “Avoid Any Hint” – More Like: Re enforce UnBiblical Stereotypes About Men, Women, Sex, and Singles

The CT piece I am (Link): referring to in this post is entitled
“Love & Marriage… Go Together Like… A Few Comments on the Covenantal Practice Today ”
with a sub-heading of,
“Marriage is a created good, is not a ‘must,’ isn’t easy.”

Before I could click on and read the Twitter-based link to the CT piece by Stetzer, I saw a set of Tweets below by someone named C. Allen, who I presume is a woman (though Allen could be a man – I’ll just say for the sake of this post that Allen is a woman).

The link to the main tweet is (Link): here, and if you scroll down, you can see the responses by C. Allen.

Before even reading the actual page by Stetzer, C. Allen’s take on it on Twitter was all I needed to know. (I read the Stetzer page later.)

I replied to Allen, telling her I completely agreed with the comments she Tweeted below the CT Tweet.

Here is Allen’s (Link): first comment in that Twitter thread:

In that entire article, only about two brief paragraphs were dedicated to Christian singleness. The rest was lamenting the degradation of the marital institution and reiterating with the same old words why marriage is important. And people wonder why singles feel disenfranchised.
/// end

Continue reading “Ed Stetzer’s Marriage Article on Christianity Today and C. Allen’s Response”

Study (from 2016) Claims Pre-Marital Virginity is Now ‘Antiquated’ – Is Virginity No Longer Virtuous?

Study (from 2016) Claims Pre-Marital Virginity is Now ‘Antiquated’ – Is Virginity No Longer Virtuous?

I’ve said this numerous times on this blog, but both within Christianity and in secular culture, all sexual preferences and behaviors are tolerated these days (including asexuality), except for hetero adults who choose to remain virgins or celibate.

I don’t recall seeing anything about this study before, and we’re in 2018. I have no idea how over a year has gone by and this story or study never crossed my radar previously – not that I remember.

Not only do I lack sexual experience, but bonus!, I also lack sexually transmitted diseases, genital crabs, I’ve saved a fortune in not paying for lots of birth control, I’ve never had unwanted pregnancies, and I’ve avoided guys using me for sex only to kick me to the curb right after, all thanks to NOT fooling around.
(Nobody ever seems to count or appreciate the positives of being a virgin past one’s 20s.)

Many people are still confusing having sexual activity with being an adult. I’m in my 40s, have never had sex, but I’m an adult. People need to stop assuming it’s necessary to have sexual intercourse at some stage to reach adulthood, maturity, or what have you.

Realize that American culture asks or expects each of us to respect sexuality in any and all its forms, including pre-martial sex, bisexuality, homosexual behavior – but the groups who ask and expect this toleration or celebration never the less refuse to respect the choice by anyone to remain a virgin over the age of 30.

Adult virginity and adult celibacy are the two choices that un-nerve, anger, and confuse the pro-sex types. (And, by the way, I don’t consider myself “anti sex” merely because I was waiting until marriage to have sex.)

Before I get to the rebuttal piece, here is an article about the study, with some excerpts:

(Link): Has virginity lost its virtue?

By Megan Scudellari  / MAY 09, 2016

Throughout history, virginity has been a prized quality before marriage. But though it would come as no surprise to many people, the times are a-changin’: A new look at sexual inexperience in the modern age suggests virginity in America has lost its virtue.

Continue reading “Study (from 2016) Claims Pre-Marital Virginity is Now ‘Antiquated’ – Is Virginity No Longer Virtuous?”

It’s Better To Be Single, According To Science by Erin Brodwin

(Link): It’s Better To Be Single, According To Science by Erin Brodwin

Excerpts:

  • Being single has a handful of benefits, scientific research has found.
  • Studies suggest that single people tend to have stronger social networks and develop more as individuals.
  • They even tend to be physically fitter.

Being single has a handful of benefits, scientific research has found. Alone time is one of them.

Single people are more likely to not only embrace solitude, but benefit from it, recent studies have suggested.

Bella DePaulo, a psychologist at the University of California Santa Barbara, advocates the single life and travels the nation to present these findings, which she says are too often dismissed by the larger psychology community.

In a TEDx Talk she gave last spring, she called (Link): living single her “happily ever after.”

Studies suggest she’s onto something.

Continue reading “It’s Better To Be Single, According To Science by Erin Brodwin”

The Beauty of Being Single: 6 Benefits of Solitude By Lauretta Zucchetti

The Beauty of Being Single: 6 Benefits of Solitude By Lauretta Zucchetti

(Link): The Beauty of Being Single: 6 Benefits of Solitude By Lauretta Zucchetti

….After twenty-five years of marriage to a kind and accomplished man, I found myself alone.

Our decision to divorce was neither acrimonious nor cruel; neither sudden nor impulsive. Rather, our decision to file for divorce was an incremental process.

We had more disappointment than hope, more unease with each other than affection and contentment. As difficult as it was to recognize the wrong turns we’d made in our two-plus decades together, we both realized that it was time for each of us to draw a new map.

…. If you’re going through a similar transition, consider the following benefits of flying solo:

…. 2. Your life will become entirely yours.
Responsibilities have always been a large part of my adult life. From commuting to the office to hosting dinner parties for my husband’s colleagues, rarely did my former schedule allot much time for what I—and I alone—wanted to do.

In the absence of these duties, I found a surplus of time, energy, and excitement to pursue my passions. A candlelight yoga class? An art-house film on a Tuesday that would have been otherwise dedicated to household chores? Cocktails on a school night? Yes, yes, and yes, please!

I discovered the deliciousness of creating my own schedule and following what called to me rather than what was expected of me—and you are wholly free to do the same.

Continue reading “The Beauty of Being Single: 6 Benefits of Solitude By Lauretta Zucchetti”

Man Sues ‘Luxury’ Dating Service After Shelling Out $71K Per Date

(Link): Man Sues ‘Luxury’ Dating Service After Shelling Out $71K Per Date

By Kathianne Boniello

Jan 21, 2018

A Manhattan man who hired a “luxury” dating service to help him find love instead found a money pit, a lawsuit claims.

The Washington, DC-based matchmaker Taylor Francois-Bodine says she helps the lovelorn “accelerate” their hunt for romance with her “luxury experience” and claims her clientele includes “senators, congress people, ambassadors, well-known sports figures, industry leaders, CEOs and Fortune 500 executives.”

Continue reading “Man Sues ‘Luxury’ Dating Service After Shelling Out $71K Per Date”

Dating Is A Cess Pool and Other Lessons I’m Learning by Joy Beth Smith

Dating Is A Cess Pool and Other Lessons I’m Learning by Joy Beth Smith

(Link): Dating Is A Cess Pool and Other Lessons I’m Learning by Joy Beth Smith

Jan 17, 2018

by Joy Beth Smith

There is nothing wrong with you!

Dear Single Ladies,

There is nothing wrong with you!

Every Wednesday leading up to that Holiday- Beginning- With- A- V- That- Shall- Not- Be- Named — inspirational, hilarious, and ridiculously-relatable Christian Post contributor Joy Beth Smith is offering a fresh perspective on flying solo, in a 5-part series, based on her upcoming book Party of One: Truth, Longing, and the Subtle Art of Singleness (available for pre-order now, and wherever books are sold on Feb. 6).
This week… Dating Is a Cesspool, and Other Lessons I’m Learning.


“The purpose of dating is marriage.” I remember sitting at a conference and hearing the youth pastor, with thickly gelled hair and fervor in his eyes, say this. Heads nodded along, offering up their own silent amens.

These affirmations only spurred him on:

“And I don’t understand why our young people are dating folks that they can’t see themselves marrying. If you know that you want to head to the altar, you don’t take a detour. You take the most direct route, and that means pursuing godly girls and godly guys who you can picture the rest of your life with.”

I was hanging onto every word he said.

After all, it sounds good, right? If there’s a shortcut, you take it. If the purpose of dating is marriage, you only date people you can see yourself marrying.

There’s a lot that makes sense here, but the practical application of this philosophy has left me (and other wonderful, beautiful women like me) painfully single for the last two decades.

Continue reading “Dating Is A Cess Pool and Other Lessons I’m Learning by Joy Beth Smith”

The Indian Woman Who Chose A Bull Over Marriage

(Link): The Indian Woman Who Chose A Bull Over Marriage

Excerpts:

January 2018

Selvarani Kanagarasu, a daily wage labourer from the south Indian state of Tamil Nadu, has shunned marriage so that she can take care of a prize-fighting bull. BBC Tamil’s Pramila Krishnan talks to her about her life.

Ms Kanagarasu, now 48, was only a teenager when she decided that she wanted to follow in the footsteps of her father and grandfather, who raised bulls that competed in the state’s traditional bull taming contests known as Jallikattu.

Continue reading “The Indian Woman Who Chose A Bull Over Marriage”

Sex, Lies, and Micro-Cheating: Why Every Dating Trend is Fake News by M. Stadtmiller

(Link): Sex, Lies, and Micro-Cheating: Why Every Dating Trend is Fake News

Excerpts:

“What is microcheating and are you a little bit guilty of it?” the headline asks in (Link): Metro. “What is micro-cheating? It’s the newest infidelity trend to mess up your relationship,” (Link): Bustle tells us. “Micro-cheating: The small actions that some say is as bad as full betrayal,”(Link):  The Independent warns.

 As a writer who has made a living in the made-up “dating term” buzzword space for more than a decade, I don’t know if I can take it any longer. It’s lies, all of it.

None of this is real. It’s filler.

It’s a distraction from the headache of complicated issues involved in figuring out intensely personal and widely variant emotional boundaries with a significant other.

It’s bullshit. All of it.

Continue reading “Sex, Lies, and Micro-Cheating: Why Every Dating Trend is Fake News by M. Stadtmiller”

What Dating With Anxiety Taught Me About Love by K. Bishop

(Link):  What Dating With Anxiety Taught Me About Love

Excerpts:

by K Bishop

A new match notification or getting asked out by that hot-but-definitely-a-fuckboy guy you’ve exchanged a stream of witty messages with is not a reward

…Dating in the Tinder-age is particularly triggering for anyone struggling with their mental health. When the next better thing is a mere right swipe away rejection is expected, to be blocked out by seeking more matches, more dates, more distractions from the niggling sense of being not quite good enough.

Speaking to my dating-app-active friends confirms that this issue isn’t just for the perpetually anxious.

Continue reading “What Dating With Anxiety Taught Me About Love by K. Bishop”

Your Boss Hired You to Perform A Job Not Flirt With Co-Workers – The ‘Me Too’ Backlash

Your Boss Hired You to Perform A Job Not Flirt With Co-Workers

About me: I am a right wing person who is not affiliated with any political party after leaving the Republican Party a few years ago.
I don’t call myself a “feminist” because many feminists tend to be liberal, and I am not liberal.
However, I do agree with feminists on some topics, not all.


In the weeks after women began sharing their workplace stories of sexual harassment on social media (starting around fall of 2017), using the “Me Too” hash tag, there began a steady stream of backlash, some of which includes push-back by both men, and unfortunately, a fragment of women, saying how so terrible the “Me Too” phenomenon is, all because now, some men may be too afraid to flirt with women at their jobs.

I for one do not want to be flirted with at any job I hold.

When I am in a workplace, I am there to perform work-related tasks. I am not there to get dates or humor single men who may be lonely.

My boss or the human resources department hired me to do work-related tasks.

Unless you were hired by a john to be a prostitute or to be a porn actor, you are not at your job to have sex, ask for dates, flirt with others, grope others, wink suggestively at them and make suggestive jokes.

You’re there to give status reports, Power Point presentations, and file memos, and to do other standard, day- to- day office- grind stuff.

If you’re a single man who wants a girlfriend, you need to use venues or media that is applicable to that very purpose, such as dating sites or nightclubs – a job is not a proper place to do that.

Get your friends to set you up on blind dates.

Try to strike up conversations with single women in the produce section at your local Kroger’s grocery store, or use the “Meet Up” site to meet others who have similar interests to yours.

Get a pet dog and go take it on walks at your local park; maybe a dog-loving, single woman will approach you to chat with you about the dog, and you can ask her on a date at that point.

But your workplace is NOT the appropriate venue by which to flirt or pick up women.

If you are a single man who does not like dating sites or nightclubs, that is not my problem.

If you ask a woman out on a date once (or flirt with her), and she either sends signals she does not want to date you, or else plainly communicates she is not interested, she indicates she is not receptive, you need to leave her alone at that stage. Stop flirting.

Stop winking, asking her out, and you should NOT be grabbing a woman co-worker by any part of her anatomy in the first place, nor should you be showing her porn photos, or whipping out your nude penis in front of her.

If you keep pursuing a woman, (and why do so many of you men do this – because you assume women find it cute, endearing, flattering, or sexy, or you actually believe in the false cliche “women love playing hard to get”?), that woman will come to view your attention as sexual harassment.

Continue reading “Your Boss Hired You to Perform A Job Not Flirt With Co-Workers – The ‘Me Too’ Backlash”

Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her

Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her

Several months ago, the viewer question segment of the 700 Club’s show was called “Bring It On,” but for whatever the reason, they changed the name of the segment to “Your Questions, Honest Answers.”

On today’s (January 3, 2018) program, a woman named Joanne wrote Pat Robertson with this question (video below). I will type up a transcript of her letter (which was read aloud by the lady co-host) and then I will opine about the letter below the transcript:

Viewer Question Transcript:

My husband and I were happily married for 37 years. Every single night I prayed to God thanking him for my husband and the life we had together.

I asked God to never take him from me, for I had hoped that we would grow old together.

Then one day out of nowhere, my husband was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. I was devastated and I felt like my sincere prayer must not have meant anything to God.

Continue reading “Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her”

This Christmas, I’m Defining Family by My Single Friends by L. Wilbert

This Christmas, I’m Defining Family by My Single Friends by L. Wilbert

(Link): This Christmas, I’m Defining Family by My Single Friends by L. Wilbert

Excerpts:

Blood relatives are key to the holiday. But I share a deeper DNA with the body of Christ.

Every Saturday, after evening church services, my husband and I open our home to friends— mostly unmarried ones.

Sometimes it’s four or five friends, sometimes one, sometimes it’s just my husband and me and our housemate, a 24-year-old intern at our church. Whatever the number, we gather around the table in the nook of our kitchen, light candles, listen to one another, pray, sometimes play a game, sometimes mourn with each other, and usually laugh.

Continue reading “This Christmas, I’m Defining Family by My Single Friends by L. Wilbert”

Mother of Obnoxious Single Guy Who Was Condescending to Single Woman Puts Her Son In His Place

This is from a European paper, hence the use of “Mum” rather than “Mom.”

This story appeared a few days ago, in a different article.

A guy was connected with a single woman named Samantha on a dating site and sent her all sorts of condescending advice. For example, he told her on the dating app that if she just lost some weight that he might be interested in dating her.

The young lady said his behavior hurt her feelings, and she ended up blocking him.

His mother found out what her son did, and she replied.

(Link): Mum shares home truths about ’10 out of 10′ son who shamed woman on dating app

Excerpts:

Michael Blanchard, 24, was talking to Samantha Drain, 23, on the dating app Bumble, when he crossed more than a few lines.

The self-confessed ’10 out of 10’ called the dance teacher from Kent a ‘5 or 6 out of 10’ and sent her a photo of another woman to taunt her.

Continue reading “Mother of Obnoxious Single Guy Who Was Condescending to Single Woman Puts Her Son In His Place”

The Creepy, Sad, and Weird Love Life of Actor Tom Cruise

The Creepy, Sad, and Weird Love Life of Actor Tom Cruise

If you’re a singleton who sometimes reads my blog, and you’re fed up with being single (because you’d like to marry but haven’t been able to find the right person), this 2012 article from Vanity Fair might cheer you up.

Rest assured that your love life (or life as a single) cannot possibly be AS BAD or bizarre as Cruise’s.

There is a link way down the page to a Vanity Fair magazine article about how Tom Cruise’s church “auditions” women to be his girlfriends or wives.

Before I get a bunch of haters and get to the VF link: I don’t hate Tom Cruise, though he does come across as sounding like a weirdo, insensitive, and just as, or almost, self-absorbed as my ex fiance, in the Vanity Fair article I’m featuring farther below.

I don’t even know as I care so much that he’s into Scientology.

I only remark on Scientology in so far as it reminds me of the Protestant, Baptist, sort of evangelical Christianity I was raised in, in regards to the stupid and confining views on dating and marriage.

I read this Vanity Fair article about Cruise the other day, and it relates to a few of the subjects I blog about on here at times.

Continue reading “The Creepy, Sad, and Weird Love Life of Actor Tom Cruise”

Single Mom Writes to Ask Amy: She’s Into Her Best Friend, But He’s Using Her

It sounds to me as though this guy is stringing her along, and she’d be better off without him.

It’s the second letter on this page:

DEAR AMY: I am a single mom. I’m in love with my best friend. He means more to me than anything, but the one thing he can’t give up is his freedom of being single. He loves me, but wants his cake and to eat it, too.

When I try to move on and date other people, he pulls me back into thinking that he wants to be with me.

I love him so much that I keep letting him play with my heart.

I am having a hard time trying to be “friends with benefits” because I have such strong feelings for him. His family loves me, his daughter loves me and my kids love him and his family.

We’ve been doing this for almost two years. I practically live there when my kids are not with me. I am afraid of letting him go. I’m afraid I won’t find someone like him. What should I do?

(Signed), Confused Heart

 

Study Says: More Women Than Men Content Being Single

Study Says: More Women Than Men Content Being Single

(Link): Study Says: More Women Than Men Content Being Single

(Link): More women are content while single than men, study says

(Link): Women Are More Likely To Have a Close Network of Friends They Can Turn to For Support

Nov 12, 2017

Women are happier being single than men are, because being in a relationship is harder work for women, new research suggests.

According to a study by data analysts Mintel, 61 per cent of single women are happy being single, versus 49 per cent of single men.

The survey also found that 75 per cent of single women have not actively looked for a relationship in the last year, compared to 65 per cent of single men.

Continue reading “Study Says: More Women Than Men Content Being Single”

Dating And Sex: Men Who Find Talking to Women Difficult May Soon Have a Hormone Treatment

Dating And Sex: Men Who Find Talking to Women Difficult May Soon Have a Hormone Treatment

This doesn’t sound like something women would like – the article says this drug or hormone or whatever it is –  causes males to be even more persistent towards females, and that it does so in part by lowering their anxiety or inhibitions.

Oh no. The world is already filled with over-confident, dweeby, too-persistent men who don’t take hints from women we are NOT interested in them romantically or sexually and want them to stop hitting on us or trying to flirt with us out in public, at school, or at jobs.

(Link): Dating And Sex: Men Who find Talking to Women Difficult May Soon Have a Hormone Treatment

Researchers have identified a hormone that can embolden men sexually and make them less anxious about pursuing women.

Continue reading “Dating And Sex: Men Who Find Talking to Women Difficult May Soon Have a Hormone Treatment”

Chinese Company Sells Over 1 Billion Dollars in Stuff on Singles Day

Chinese Company Sells Over 1 Billion Dollars in Stuff on Singles Day

(Link): Singles’ Day Sales In The United States: Ralph Lauren, Barney’s, Missguided, Clarisonic, And More 

(Link): Singles Day: 4 things to know about the world’s biggest shopping promo

Excerpts:

What is Singles Day?
It’s a 24-hour “festival” that starts Friday. Consumers can find deals on 15 million products from 140,000 brands.

Other shopping “holidays” pale in comparison.

According to eMarketer, online spending in the US on Black Friday totaled $2.74 billion last year. Amazon reportedly generated $3 billion in sales during Amazon Prime Day earlier this year.

How did it start?
The holiday originated in China’s Nanjing University in the 1990s when four friends were lamenting the loneliness and monotony of single life.

Someone — it isn’t clear who — then came up with the idea of celebrating single people on Nov. 11.

Continue reading “Chinese Company Sells Over 1 Billion Dollars in Stuff on Singles Day”