Single Christian Women Have No Protection according to some preachers

Single Christian Women Have No Protection according to some preachers

I’m watching pastor Jeff Schreve on his weekly series, “From His Heart Ministries” giving a sermon on marriage today. Schreve seems like a sincere pastor and an all around nice guy, but he seems to believe in male headship, and as (Link): I am a biblical egalitarian, I don’t share his view on that matter.

However, another thing Schreve is talking about that I find disturbing: he said in part of this sermon that a woman is under the protection of her mom and dad until she marries, then she is “under the protection of her husband” when she marries. The Bible does not teach this concept, not in the New Testament.

((edit): This teaching also sounds eerily like Reconstructionist / Quiverfull teachings, see: (Link): Christian Patriarchy Group: God Demands You Marry and Have Babies to Defeat Paganism and Satan. Singles and the Childless Worthless (in this worldview))

Problem: I am in my early 40s, pastor Schreve, and never married. I am single, a Christian woman. So who is my “protection,” pastor Schreve?

I am not the only one, there are many, many Christian women my age and older who have never married, and a lot of them live alone, work jobs, and pay rent alone.

Who is our “protector”? If you say God, Holy Spirit, or Christ, I don’t get it – would that same answer also not be true for married women? Why would a woman’s “protector” go from Father, Spirit and Son to husband just because she marries??

(Edit.) I watched the following Sunday’s sermon, where this same pastor did a topic about the role of women. I don’t recall everything he talked about, but I do remember he once again neglected to mention women over the age of 35 who have never married or had kids.

Schreve again mentioned how there is no higher calling for a woman than to raise children (although, again, the Bible does not teach either concept, but actually holds (Link): singleness and being childfree in higher esteem and no, the Bible does not teach that God “calls” some to singleness, either, so a preacher cannot brush this off by saying, “It’s okay for YOU to be single if God called you to be” – I have addressed these unbiblical views in other posts, so I shall not get into them here – see some of the links at the bottom of this post for more).

See also, on this blog:

(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

Some married women are infertile and unable to have a baby: how do you suppose it makes THEM feel to hear that their only God-approved role in life is to crank out a kid, if they want one, and are unable to have one? And neither should women who choose NOT to reproduce, though they are capable, be made to feel ashamed of this, or judged, or condemned.

Schreve basically said that it’s “best” for a woman to stay at home and raise her kids while the husband works outside of the home. That is his opinion, and he is welcome to it, but please, point me to the Bible verses that teach this view (the Bible is silent on the matter).

I could just as easily argue that it’s best for a child for the father to be a stay- at -home dad and raise the kids, while mom goes off to work.

I’m astounded that this pastor, like so many other Christians, continue to assume that everyone over the age of 25 is married and/or a parent these days.

Census data continue to show that more and more Christians over 20 are not marrying at all, or not marrying until much later in life (current percentage of adults over 18 who are single is now 44%).

I sent his (Schreve’s) ministry an e-mail mentioning all this but all I got was a reply saying they would forward my e-mail to the pastor. (edit, Feb 2014. I never got a reply to that e-mail, nor was the topic addressed and corrected in future sermons.)

I wish pastors would wake up and realize this is 2012 and we are no longer living in 1955 America where everyone is married by 20 years of age with three kids.

By hyper-focusing on marriage and parenting, and telling never married, childless or childfree women over the age of 40 that their greatest, or only, calling in life is to be a wife and mother, you are needlessly marginalizing and insulting never- married adults, widows, the divorced, and the childless and the childfree.

If you are a preacher who holds such views about marriage, gender roles, parenting and/or you are neglecting the never-married adults (as well as other singles, such as the widows) in your audience, you are also neglecting, or violating, biblical passages such as (Link): Matthew 10:34-37 and (Link): Matthew 12:46-50 . You need to repent of your nuclear family, strict gender role views, and marriage idolatry.


(This post has been edited to add new links)



Related posts, this blog:

(Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link): Parenthood Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link): Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

(Link): According to Pastor ( Jimmy Evans ) It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave adult Christian singles ?

Driscoll also has incorrect, unbiblical views about adult celibacy:
(Link): Preacher Mark Driscoll Basically Says No, Single Christian Males Cannot or Should Not Serve as Preachers / in Leadership Positions – Attempts to Justify Unbiblical, Anti Singleness Christian Bias

(Link): There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy” or (also false): God’s gifting of singleness is rare – More Accurate: God calls only a few to marriage and God gifts only the rare with the gift of Marriage

(Link): The World Does Not Need More Marriage Sermons – They Don’t Stop Divorce or Get People Married

(Link): Preacher Whose 90% of Sermons are About How to Have a Great Marriage Warns Audience Not to Make Marriage an Idol – Kerry Shook Update and Irony Alert

(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

(Link): A Grown-Up, Not Sexed-Up, View of Womanhood (article) – how Christian teachings on gender and singlehood contribute to raunch culture and fornication etc

(Link): ‘God’s Purpose for Women,’ by Matthew Hagee – Hagee Teaches that Single Unmarried Women Do Not Have a Purpose in Life God has no purpose for singles

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): To Get Any Attention or Support from a Church These Days you Have To Be A Stripper, Prostitute, or Orphan

(Link): The Obligatory, “Oh, but if you’re single you can still benefit from my marriage sermon” line

(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)

(Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible

(Link): Why Unmarried – Single Christians Should Be Concerned about the Gender Role Controversy (some preachers are teaching that unmarried adults are not 100% human, not 100% in the “image of God,” that they must marry first)

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): Christian TV Personality and Preacher ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Singlehood Singles Bias Prejudice Making Idol out of Marriage

(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex
———————-

News story: Eunuchs Really Live Longer

Eunuchs Really Live Longer

A historical study of castrated men in Korea finds that they outlived their peers by a wide margin

By Alexandra Sifferlin

“Our study supports the idea that male sex hormones decrease the lifespan of men,” the authors write. Based on earlier research, the authors argue that one explanation for this could be that male sex hormones may negatively influence the immune system and “predispose men to adverse cardiovascular attacks.” They note further that the theory helps explain why females — in many species — live longer than males.

….And there are other reasons that women may outlive men, including for example the presence of estrogen, which may help enhance longevity. Also, as ABC News reports:

Females may have an advantage in longevity because they have a back-up X chromosome, [Dr. L. Stephen Coles, a co-founder of the Los Angeles Gerontology Research Group,] said. A woman’s body is a mixture of cells, half containing an active X chromosome from her mother and the other half from her father, he said. If there is a defect on one X chromosome, half of her cells will be unaffected.

 

Article from The Atlantic: Not Wanting Kids is Normal

From The Atlantic (I’m not in complete agreement with all views on other issues by the woman who wrote this:)

Not Wanting Kids is Entirely Normal

Source:

theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/09/not-wanting-kids-is-entirely-normal/262367/

Why the ingrained expectation that women should desire to become parents is unhealthy

Snippets:

[Article opens by mentioning former Nebraska state law that allowed parents to drop off their children with no legal repercussion; was meant to protect newborns, but an age limit was not stated in the law]

….A couple of months in, 36 children had been left in state hospitals and police stations. Twenty-two of the children were over 13 years old. A 51-year-old grandmother dropped off a 12-year-old boy. One father dropped off his entire family — nine children from ages one to 17. Others drove from neighboring states to drop off their children once they heard that they could abandon them without repercussion.

….On November 21, 2008, the last day that the safe haven law was in effect for children of all ages, a mother from Yolo County, California, drove over 1,200 miles to the Kimball County Hospital in Nebraska where she left her 14-year-old son.

What happened in Nebraska raises the question: If there were no consequences, how many of us would give up our kids?

….Whether it’s because of hardship or not, many Americans are giving up on parenthood.

In February 2009, someone calling herself Ann logged onto the website Secret Confessions and wrote three sentences: “I am depressed. I hate being a mom. I also hate being a stay at home mom too!” Over three years later, the thread of comments is still going strong with thousands of responses — the site usually garners only 10 or so comments for every “confession.” Our anonymous Ann had hit a nerve.
Continue reading “Article from The Atlantic: Not Wanting Kids is Normal”

Mark Driscoll pastor of Mars Hill – views on singleness

Driscoll wrote(source: “Single Like Jesus”),

So this is a growing number, because people are waiting longer to marry. In 1960 the average man was 23, the average woman was 20, upon marriage; today the average man is 27, the average woman is 23. And so people are waiting longer to marry – but is that because they love Jesus and are maintaining their purity and using all of their time to memorize verses? No. Because they’re all having sex – a new F-word is fornicating, for some of you, and that is sex before marriage. We dealt with that last week. And what singles tend to do is wait longer to get married but have sex until they get married, to the degree that 41 percent of all women will have cohabitated – shacked up, lived with a boyfriend – before marriage at some point in their life; 4 out of 10 women.

Notice he wrote “they’re all having sex.” Driscoll is rude and presumptive.

I am a Christian woman, early 40s, never been married, never had sex, and have never co-habitated. The same is true for roughly one third of Christians over 30 who have never married (see the book “Quitting Church” by author Julia Duin for citations and stats on that). Get your facts straight

Driscoll He opens that same page by saying,

This section of Scripture remains wildly misunderstood. Singleness is not ideal, marriage should be honored by all. Practically, however, there are seasons and reasons that provide exceptions to the rule of marriage for some people.

No Christian disputes that “marriage should be honored by all” but then, so too should singleness. (The Bible in fact says that both singleness and marriage are ideal. Paul goes so far to say that the single have more undivided attention to spend on the Gospel where as the married are more consumed with pleasing their spouse.)

The married in the Christian community are supposed to honor the singles, too, not just vice versa as Driscoll states; this is not a one-way street.

One reason so many older singles stay away from American churches is that there is far too much emphasis on and “honoring” of the married already going on in churches.

Singles are ignored. The only time pastors or the rest of the church pay attention to singles is when they expect the singles to cater to the married couples but the married couples are never expected to meet the needs of the singles.

Driscoll, like many other Christians, mistakenly think it’s oh- so- simple and easy for any Christian to get a mate: why, if you just get rid of your “baggage,” fix your flaws, lose ten pounds, or overcome your “issues,” you can instantly merit a spouse.

Sorry, Driscoll, but no, it does not work that way.

God does not reward or grant spouses based upon how “perfect” or “responsible” or how “together” one is.

If God expected perfection (or near perfection) before allowing Christians to marry (which is what Driscoll is advocating in essence), then absolutely nobody would be married.
Continue reading “Mark Driscoll pastor of Mars Hill – views on singleness”

Married Pervy 50+ Year Old Pastor Diddles 16 Year Old Kid

Married Pervy 50+ Year Old Pastor (Jack Schaap ) Diddles 16 Year Old Kid – Married Christians Not More Mature or Sexually Pure than Un-Married Christians

 Below is a link to a story about a 50-something preacher, Jack Schaap, who was carrying on a sexual affair with a teen aged girl from his congregation.

A lot of Christians like to tell un-married Christians that un-married Christians are not as mature or responsible as married people are.

Even if you are age 40 or older, a lot of married Christians assume you, a Christian single, have the maturity or life experience of a typical 15 year old kid. 

 A lot of preachers assume that un married Christians have raging hormones and have a different sex partner every night of the month. They never seem to figure out that marriage does not make people immune from engaging in sexual sin.

Married people are not always immune from immature behavior or selfishness, either. 

This originally comes from 

http://www.singlemind.net/?p=7281

Preacher Jack Schaap–pastor of FBC Hammond Admits To Having Sex with Teen Girl Repeatedly

Jack Schaap–pastor of FBC Hammond, IN–was fired after admitting to an affair with a 16-year-old girl.

Being a megachurch pastor, he probably qualifies as an Alpha, and power does tend to be the ultimate aphrodisiac.

But still…he is married, and has almost 40 years on the girl with whom he was fornicating. 

Oh, and he has written books on dating

This entry was posted on Friday, August 3rd, 2012 

This same pervy pastor also made this disgusting video, where he simulated masturbation from the pulpit, in front of people, including kids: 

(Link): Jack Schaap demonstrates how to polish a shaft 

Marriage does NOT make a person more mature or sexually pure than an un-married person, as that video and news story demonstrate. 

The Problem with Platitudes – for Christian single over 35 years old never married

The Problem with Platitudes

(originally on Christianity Today)

by Camerin Courtney -Febraury 11, 2004

They mean well, bless their hearts. All those kind, well-meaning souls who offer us answers to questions we never asked.

You know what I’m talking about. You’ve heard these answers, too: “Just trust God to meet all your needs.” “Stop looking and the right one will show up.” “No matter how it appears, God is still sovereign.” “Your maker is your husband.” “Focus on being the right one instead of looking for the right one.” “There’s so much more to life than marriage.”

I don’t know about you, but these quick fixes are usually offered to me right after I’ve relayed some frustration, vulnerability, or messiness about the single journey. In fact, sometimes they’re e-mailed to me from readers of this very column whenever I admit to some of the more vexing emotions or experiences of the single journey.
Continue reading “The Problem with Platitudes – for Christian single over 35 years old never married”

The advantages to getting engaged at 37

L.A. Affairs: The advantages to getting engaged at 37

(source: http://www.latimes.com/features/home/articles/la-hm-affairs-20120721,0,4256427.story )

All her friends have been married for years, and as she approaches her wedding and the marriage to follow, she’s learned a thing or two from them.

By Patricia Beauchamp, Special to the Los Angeles Times

July 21, 2012

….I am the last in my circle of friends to get engaged. Given that I managed to accomplish this at 37 without the aid of “Millionaire Matchmaker” Patti Stanger or the combination of a terminal illness and lucrative life insurance policy, I figured it would be an occasion worth commemorating. That I accomplished this in a town obsessed with finding the bigger, better thing — and by bigger and better, I mean thinner and younger — I expected the girls back home to be shocked and impressed at the same time.

But because my friends have been married (and some remarried) for years, it’s been a bit like telling them about the wonders of the Internet. The wow factor is long gone.
Continue reading “The advantages to getting engaged at 37”

Being Single, by Keri Smith

Being Single, by Keri Smith
(Source: http://theraphaelproject.com/blog/being-single-guest-blogger-keri-smith/ )

Excerpts:

…We’ve all been there, like we’ve all been learner drivers, we have all been single. So when did the “them” and “us” suddenly happen? Yes I put my hand up, I am single. But does something happen? Do you forget you were ever single when you meet someone? Forgive me, it has been awhile.

It’s crazy, I have not been invited to dinner parties because I am single, and it’s not just happened to me, so it has nothing to do with my conversation. Do people think that I or any of my other single friends, are going to not find their conversation interesting, or hold court with all the men there because we are single? Please don’t tell me it is because I would be the odd one out, or the numbers would be odd?

…But my favourite by far, is people telling you why you are still single. I have been told, I am too fussy, I don’t give anyone a chance, you might not fancy them, but you might grow to like them. I don’t talk to anyone, I make every guy my friend, I never meet anyone new people, and loads more besides.

Older Christian Singles and Celibacy (There Are No Consequences for Sexual Sin)

Older Christian Singles and Celibacy (There Are No Consequences for Sexual Sin)

(click on the “more” link to read the rest of the post)

I am including in this post an URL to an interview with a Christian author regarding a book she wrote about Christian singleness and celibacy.

I will only be quoting portions of the interview, which I am chalking up to “fair use.”

If you want to read the rest, I would advise you to visit their site:

(Link): Every Older Singles’ Battle – Christianitytoday.com Article

I wanted to preface the quoted material by making a few comments.

For all my life, I fully agreed with and abided by the Bible’s teaching about sex being for marriage only. I thought, when I was in my 20s, and even into my mid-30s, that I would be married by the time I was 35. That did not happen.

My views on sex may be changing slightly now that I find myself over 40 and still unmarried.

I still believe that the Bible is clear that sex if for marriage only. I am not going to sit here and try to explain away biblical passages that tell readers sex is for marriage only, as I saw one 25 year old, liberal Christian female do on her blog.

To paraphrase this other female blogger, she said that the Bible is “not clear at all that sex outside of marriage is sinful or wrong.” I disagree. The Bible is pretty clear about the topic.

My stance, however, is that I think it’s unfair and unrealistic (I’m not sure what word to use to describe this) to expect any Christian over the age of 30 to remain perpetually chaste, regardless of the Bible’s teaching on the matter.
Continue reading “Older Christian Singles and Celibacy (There Are No Consequences for Sexual Sin)”

Sex and Never Married Single Christians / Virginity Virgin

Sex and Never Married Single Christians / Virginity Virgin

(Link): No One Wants to Talk About It

By Julia Duin
Why are evangelical singles sleeping around?

(Link): Where Are America’s Virgins? Discouraging the Virtuous

Excerpts:

Three decades later, virginity is under such withering attack, you would think it was child abuse. It is associated with words such as ‘frigid,’ ‘prideful,’ ‘judgmental’ and ‘holier-than-thou.’  “Virginity” was on the Washington Post Outlook section’s 2010 list of the year’s top 13 things to “throw out.” There are now books out with titles like “The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women” by Jessica Valenti.

….The nay-sayers seem unusually ferocious these days in their zeal against the ideal of virginity. I am surprised at how would-be defenders in the religious community are doing such a poor job of striking back.

In January, Christianity Today’s women’s blog, Hermeneutics, reviewed WeWaited.com, a singles site for virgins seeking other virgins. The writer suggested the idea was unrealistic, moralistic and “poses problems” in terms of exalting a potential partner’s virginity rather than his or her Christian commitment. Yet, now as in previous eras, virginity is a major test of one’s Christian commitment.

Agree with the Bible or not, Scripture is clear that sex is to be abstained outside of marriage. It is the job of the church – likewise the mosque and temple and other traditions that at least on paper aspire to purity at the marriage altar – to hold the line. The church has surrendered its teachings on chastity, so it’s no wonder that even among the devout, the virginity percentages are dismal.

Continue reading “Sex and Never Married Single Christians / Virginity Virgin”

Never Married 38 Year Old Christian Guy Wants to Know Why Churches Treat Him Like a Freak

Click the “more” link below to read the rest of the post

I totally related to this guy’s question. A guy calling himself “John” wrote in to the Christian television show “The 700 Club” and asked the hosts a question about why, as a 38- year- old, never- married man, so many churches have rejected him (or left him feeling rejected).

I’m just a few years older than John is, though I am a woman. I have never been married, but I wanted to be. I don’t know why I’m not married.

I have to disagree with host Pat Robertson’s reply – Robertson tells the guy, John, that the rejection is all in his head and that churches do not “reject” older singles. WRONG!

The letter writer, John, may not be “rejected” per se by churches, but most churches, and many Christians, do treat single or never- married Christians over the age of 35 and 40 differently – and that in a negative fashion.

We older, never married (single) Christians are either ignored by churches, or most Christians and churches assume that everyone over 25 years old is married with kids, or, they assume if you’re 40, you have been divorced at some stage – (wrong again, I’ve never been married).

Some Christians (the married ones) let loose with the gossip and slander against the older singles…. they assume if you’re over 35 and never married, you are some how “flawed,” a weirdo, or homosexual (none of that is true, either).

Here is a partial transcript from today’s show:
Continue reading “Never Married 38 Year Old Christian Guy Wants to Know Why Churches Treat Him Like a Freak”

Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault

Please click the “more” link farther below to read the entire post.

I disagree with some of the positions of the “marriage mandate” crowd, including those of Debbie Maken, who wrote a book about the issue.

I intend on posting more content about the ‘marriage mandate’ perspective in the future but thought I’d start with excerpts from a good review of Maken’s book and view.

(Link): 30 and Single? It’s Your Own Fault [ by Camerin Courtney]

There are more unmarried people in our congregations than ever, and some say that’s just sinful.

From Ms. Courtney’s article:

By that October, they were engaged.

Following the path afforded by her ethnicity (she’s Indian), she [Debbie Maken] signed up with an Indian Christian Web agency to find a suitable suitor and, aided by her parents’ watchful care, started e-mailing a man in July 2001.

Now happily married and the mother of two young girls, Maken drew a map—in the form of her book, Getting Serious About Getting Married—to the Land of Marital Bliss. She hopes to prevent her daughters and countless single women across the country from having to experience any more “unnecessary protracted singleness.”

….In later chapters, she addresses the well-meaning advice handed to singles in Christian circles—such as “just wait on the Lord to bring a mate to you” or “Jesus is all you need”—and deftly explains some of the erroneous thinking and theology surrounding each.

At her best, in passages such as these, Maken gives platitude-battered single women needed permission to admit, “I’d like to get married, and that’s okay.”

Unfortunately, these bits of trend-spotting and balanced synthesis are drowning in a sea of shame and blame.

Maken seems to think a vast majority of singles view their solo status as a special gift from God (a stance I’ve seen in only a fraction of the thousands of e-mails I’ve received as a columnist for ChristianSinglesToday.com, a CT sister publication), a notion the very subtitle of the book urges them to reconsider.

Continue reading “Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault”

The Right One – Do Unmarried Christians Only Need Jesus in Common to Marry ?

The following content was originally published on my Geocities site in December 2000.

Please click the “more” or “continue reading” link farther below to read the entire post.


Divine Guidance, Reassurance in Marriage / God Providing a Christian With A Spouse

The Right One

October 2008

I was watching Christian network TBN* a couple of nights ago, and the guest on the show I was watching is a Christian gentlemen, Mark Gungor, who is a relationship guru.

Gungor has written a book or two about marriage, and he offers marriage seminars. You can visit Mr. Gungor’s site at (Link): Laugh Your Way.com.

Mr. Gungor is a perfectly nice guy, and he’s got a great sense of humor.

I have nothing against Mr. Gungor personally.

His view point was something else altogether: it angered me and annoyed me to no end, for he stated that it is a mistake for single people, especially for Christians, to think that there is a “right person” out there for you.

Continue reading “The Right One – Do Unmarried Christians Only Need Jesus in Common to Marry ?”