Why Millennials Are ‘Consciously’ Choosing To Remain Single

Why Millennials Are ‘Consciously’ Choosing To Remain Single

Before I get to the link to the news article about more young people choosing to stay single:

I’d just like to remind anyone out there that not all singles are single by choice. Some singles, like me, had expected and hoped to marry, but we’re still single due to circumstances.

I have to mention this because many conservatives and conservative Christians love to go into shaming mode and criticize adult singles for never marrying.

They especially like to insult, shame, and guilt trip Christian singles; they assume quite incorrectly that all adult singles intentionally chose to avoid marriage.

Many Southern Baptists, for example, like to incorrectly assume that all single females over age 30 chose career over marriage and shame us for being single. In fact, many of us had wanted to be married and did not place career over marriage.

I don’t have an issue with singles who do choose to remain single, however.

They should not be shamed for their choice.

I’m just saying I get sick and tired of Christians, such as Southern Baptist Al Mohler and Christians such as Bradford Wilcox and socialist Mark Regnerus seeing news items like the following, and wrongly assuming that ALL singles remain single by choice.

Al Mohler, other Christians, and secular, conservative think tanks shame and scold singles for not marrying, because they have this incorrect understanding of the Bible that the Bible says God prefers or wants all adults to marry, or, they wrongly believe that the Bible says that marriage “fixes” culture (the Bible does not teach anything like this, but actually says, per 1 Cor 7, that it is better to remain single).

Singles-shaming conservatives also love to write and publish and repeat bogus  studies that claim things like being single is far worse than being married, singles die younger than married people, married people supposedly have better health than singles (they do not), and so on – Bella dePaulo debunks (Link): a lot of those claims on her blog.

(Link): Why Millennials Are ‘Consciously’ Choosing To Remain Single

October 10, 2018

By Christian Gollayan

Millennials are ditching relationships and embracing singledom, according to a new survey.

Tinder and consulting firm Morar HPI surveyed 1,000 singles between 18 to 25 years old and found that 72 percent “have made a conscious decision” to stay single.

“Solo status gives young adults a sense of adventure, independence and empowerment,” the dating app said. “An overwhelming majority of young adults agree that being single benefits them beyond their romantic lives.” Continue reading “Why Millennials Are ‘Consciously’ Choosing To Remain Single”

Single People Aren’t Problems to Be Fixed or Threats to Be Neutralized By Ella Hickey

Single People Aren’t Problems to Be Fixed or Threats to Be Neutralized By Ella Hickey

I’ve noted in older posts how terrible Christian advice on the subjects of dating, marriage, and relationships are – if you’d like to see my posts on those subjects, some of them are linked to below, at the bottom of this post under the “Related Posts” section.

By the way, I would ask you to click on this link below to go to the page and read it, but, be sure to scroll to the bottom of the page to read any posts by single adults who leave comments, including one comment by a 60 year old lady with the screen name “janep75_2173,” who has been divorced for 20+ years, on how badly her local church treats her for being single.

(Link): Single People Aren’t Problems to Be Fixed or Threats to Be Neutralized

What’s missing from Christian books on dating, singleness, and purity

Excerpts:

…. [The author discusses having read numerous Christian books about dating, marriage, and relationships when she was a teen-ager]

….Our theology of singleness and the “not-yet-married” has gone unmonitored, unchanged, and unimpressive for too long. Much of it is built on outdated gender roles and unhelpful clichés that don’t apply easily to today’s dating world.

For example, many of these books assume that sexual attraction is the “burden” of men and not something women struggle with.

Or, many of these books assume that men will lead a dating relationship and women will follow. Others encourage men and women to avoid and fear each other to avoid “stumbling.”

Continue reading “Single People Aren’t Problems to Be Fixed or Threats to Be Neutralized By Ella Hickey”

Wealthy Women Can Afford to Reject Marriage, But Poor Women Cannot by E. Green

Wealthy Women Can Afford to Reject Marriage, But Poor Women Cannot by E. Green

(Link): Wealthy Women Can Afford to Reject Marriage, But Poor Women Cannot by E. Green

Excerpt:

Higher-income “single ladies” often push back against “patriarchy.” But the statistics don’t lie: Low-income, unmarried women face significant economic challenges when they stay single.


In a Wall Street Journal editorial this week, Bush administration press secretary Ari Fleischer wrote that “‘marriage inequality’ should be at the center of any discussion of why some Americans prosper and others don’t.” He cited statistics about the vast income disparities between single women and married women, regardless of race, and argued that these gaps would shrink if women stayed in school and waited until marriage to have kids.

At an Atlantic summit on female poverty on Wednesday, the women in the room would have none of that.

Continue reading “Wealthy Women Can Afford to Reject Marriage, But Poor Women Cannot by E. Green”

‘It Was Like Marriage, Only Better’ Said the Single Mothers Who Moved In Together

‘It Was Like Marriage, Only Better’ Said the Single Mothers Who Moved In Together

(Link): ‘It Was Like Marriage, Only Better” Said the Single Mothers Who Moved In Together

Excerpts:

After their relationships broke down, Jane Hoggarth and two other mothers decided to get together and create a ‘mommune’

…And so, more by accident than design, the women hit on a new domestic set-up: the “mommune”, as it is termed in America.

And for the next two years, the three of them and their six children shared their lives: Vicky in the spare room, Nicola a weekend resident and daily visitor. “We were a family,” Janet says. “We went to the supermarket together, cooked together, ate together, shared childcare. Our parents met.” The children, she adds, “became like siblings”.

Continue reading “‘It Was Like Marriage, Only Better’ Said the Single Mothers Who Moved In Together”

The Incredibly Condescending and Presumptive Singles-Shaming Posts of Gladys Wisener

The Incredibly Condescending and Presumptive Singles-Shaming Posts of Gladys Wisener

In my few years of writing on this blog, I am still sometimes amazed at the comments I get, especially the remarks I get from the most innocuous of posts.

Never would I have imagined that linking to some article about a 105 year old woman who says she is happy and still alive at 105 because she has never bothered with men would induce someone to come on to my blog to leave me nasty and presumptive comments, but that is what happened.

This married woman named Gladys Wisener stopped by this blog recently, and she engaged in some singles-shaming under (Link): that post about a 105 year old single woman.

When Gladys began saying or assuming some weird, offensive, negative, or insulting things about me, and I understandably got irate and offended in response to her attitude and comments, and I let her know, she replies by telling me I sound “bitter.”

Because that’s what entitled married cows such as her do – they assume if you have a legitimate complaint against their obnoxious- married- people- attitudes and- presumptive- assumptions about you, they assume it can only come from a place of… wait for it… yes, that’s right, it must be due to bitterness.

And the unspoken assumption is that you, you single woman, must be bitter because you’re single and don’t have a husband.

In their thinking, bitterness could be the only possible reason you are correcting a married woman on your blog about singleness for being obnoxious.

Your anger cannot possibly be due to the married person’s hideous, insulting comments to you or about you or about singleness, no, it must be because you are not married!

If only you were married or in a steady relationship, you would not take umbrage at the married person’s condescending comments about you or your blog – married or engaged people would love to be on the receiving end of your lousy assumptions and comments and take them so well.

Continue reading “The Incredibly Condescending and Presumptive Singles-Shaming Posts of Gladys Wisener”

How One Man Has Broken Up 4,000 Relationships and Caused 17 Divorces In Just 10 Days

How One Man Has Broken Up 4,000 Relationships and Caused 17 Divorces In Just 10 Days

(Link): How one man has broken up 4,000 relationships and caused 17 divorces – in just 10 days

And the number is still rising…

by Nicola Oakley

Sitting down to watch Netflix on a Saturday night is something many people do with their other half.

If so, you might want to steer clear of Daniel Sloss’ show – as it might lead to bit of an awkward moment or, worse still, the demise of your relationship.

The Scottish comedian says a 20-minute joke in one of his shows has been responsible for more than 4,000 break-ups.

His live stand-up routines have been streaming on Netflix since September 11 – yes, it only became available to view 10 days ago.

In his show Jigsaw, the 28-year-old, from Fife, rubbishes the notion that everyone has a soulmate, saying the message society puts out is: “If you are not with someone, you are broken. If you are not with someone, you are incomplete. If you are not with someone, you are not whole.”

As a result, we are made to feel as though we need a partner to feel complete – meaning many settle and end up with the wrong person.

Continue reading “How One Man Has Broken Up 4,000 Relationships and Caused 17 Divorces In Just 10 Days”

They Are Single And Celibate. This Facebook Group Brings Them Together

They Are Single And Celibate. This Facebook Group Brings Them Together

(Link): They Are Single And Celibate. This Facebook Group Brings Them Together

by Jamie Rogers

September 2018

Journey to Purity creates a community for minority women abstaining from sex

Shunning premarital sex may seem old-fashioned to some, but Erica Willams says nowadays celibacy is somewhat of a movement, especially among some minority women.

Williams, 30, is the founder of Journey to Purity, a nonprofit in Virginia that aims to promote celibacy in women through education and community building efforts.

The Journey to Purity Meetup group has 102 members, and is limited to women. Williams says the majority of the women are black or Latina.
For these women, celibacy is a conscience and often faith-driven choice.

Continue reading “They Are Single And Celibate. This Facebook Group Brings Them Together”

How Sex Robots Could Revolutionize Marriage—for the Better by M. Adshade

(Link):  How Sex Robots Could Revolutionize Marriage—for the Better

Excerpts

Some elements of that social change might be easier to anticipate than others. For example, the share of the young adult population that chooses to remain single (with their sexual needs met by robots) is very likely to increase.

Because social change is organic, however, adaptations in other social norms and behaviors are much more difficult to predict. But this is not virgin territory.

New technologies completely transformed sexual behavior and marital norms over the second half of the 20th century. Although getting any of these predictions right will surely involve some luck, we have decades of technology-induced social change to guide our predictions about the future of a world confronted with wholesale access to sexbots.

Continue reading “How Sex Robots Could Revolutionize Marriage—for the Better by M. Adshade”

Why You Will (Eventually) Marry the Right Person by D. Teller

Why You Will (Eventually) Marry the Right Person by D. Teller

(Link): Why You Will (Eventually) Marry the Right Person by D. Teller

Excerpts:

As 2016 drew to a close last month, I opened my newsfeed with dread, braced for more gloomy tidings. Sure enough, amidst the news round-ups and “best of” lists was The New York Times’ most popular article of the year: “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person.”

…For readers not familiar with the article, written by best-selling philosopher Alain de Botton, allow me to summarize. The author begins with the perceptive, if bleak, observation that humans are terrible at choosing good mates.

Continue reading “Why You Will (Eventually) Marry the Right Person by D. Teller”

When You Fall in Love, This Is What Facebook Sees by R. Meyer

When You Fall in Love, This Is What Facebook Sees by R. Meyer

(Link): When You Fall in Love, This Is What Facebook Sees

Excerpts:

Feb 2014

“During the 100 days before the relationship starts, we observe a slow but steady increase in the number of timeline posts shared between the future couple.”

Facebook might understand your romantic prospects better than you do.

In a blog post published yesterday, the company’s team of data scientists announced that statistical evidence hints at budding relationships before the relationships start.

Continue reading “When You Fall in Love, This Is What Facebook Sees by R. Meyer”

Country and Classic Rock Music Fans Get The Most Action on Dating Site, A New Survey Finds

Country and Classic Rock Music Fans Get The Most Action on Dating Site, A New Survey Finds

(Link): Country and classic rock fans get the most action on Plenty of Fish, a new survey finds

Excerpts:

by Nicole Lyn Peace

…Men who list country music as an interest on their Plenty of Fish dating profile receive 32% more messages from singles looking to mingle, while women who let their hair down to classic rock like Led Zeppelin, Queen and The Rolling Stones are 68% more likely to strike a chord with someone special, according to a new survey.

The online dating service scrolled through more than 9 million POF profiles to study the dating success of musically-minded singles on the app.

And it found male country music lovers have something to sing about.

Not only do they receive more in-app messages, but they are also 65% more likely to find their match on the app — perhaps because potential partners recognize that these cowboys are 49% less likely to be looking for just a quick hookup. (No wonder Blake Shelton is People’s Sexiest Man Alive for 2017; hold onto him, Gwen Stefani.)

Continue reading “Country and Classic Rock Music Fans Get The Most Action on Dating Site, A New Survey Finds”

Learning to See Your Single Neighbor by H. Stallcup

Learning to See Your Single Neighbor by H. Stallcup

(Link): Learning to See Your Single Neighbor

The more the church recognizes our worth, the better we can integrate into the church.

…Doing life alone. I’m far from the only single Christian who is regularly exhausted by it.

Singles who have great family and friends and churches still regularly experience loneliness and feelings of powerlessness. From ordinary Saturdays to life-changing events, singleness can often make you feel like you are hiding in plain sight.

This is not how it’s supposed to be. In the kingdom of God, partnership is not reserved for married couples.

Continue reading “Learning to See Your Single Neighbor by H. Stallcup”

The Millennial Caregiver – from WSJ – Some Adult Singles Have No Choice But to Delay Marriage Because They Are Too Busy Acting As Caretakers to Elderly Family

Some Adult Singles Have No Choice But to Delay Marriage Because They Are Too Busy Acting As Caretakers to Elderly Family

(Link): The Millennial Caregiver

The Call to Care for Aging Parents Comes Sooner Now

More millennials are responsible for their parents and grandparents, sometimes derailing careers and family life.

… As the country grows older, its caregivers are growing younger and more squeezed. Millennials now make up 24% of the nation’s unpaid caregivers, up from 22% of young adult caregivers in 2009.

…Their numbers are expected to grow and so, too, are their challenges.

Maria Aranda, an associate professor of Social Work and Gerontology at the University of Southern California, says caregiving responsibilities can come at pivotal times in the lives of millennials and threaten to derail expected milestones, like starting families and buying a house. “Those things are being eclipsed,” says Dr. Aranda, who conducted a study of millennials … who are caring for those with dementia.

Continue reading “The Millennial Caregiver – from WSJ – Some Adult Singles Have No Choice But to Delay Marriage Because They Are Too Busy Acting As Caretakers to Elderly Family”

Ed Stetzer’s Series on Christianity and Adult Singles, via CT

Ed Stetzer’s Series on Christianity and Adult Singles, via CT

Stetzer  – who has not always done a great job in the past in discussing adult singleness and aspects related (see this link and this link) – has started a new series at Christianity Today about Christianity and adult singleness, specifically, how churches and Christians have habitually marginalized singles and idolized the family unit.

I think he’s planning on writing one or two more essays in this series; currently, he only has part 1 and part 2 up and running.

As he adds more essays in this series (if he does so, I’m unclear as if to there will be future posts), I think my preference is to edit this post to add links to those posts, rather than making separate posts on my blog about it.

Stetzer is covering issues about this I have been blogging about on this blog for the past several years.

One problem I have with one of these pieces is that Stetzer tells married couples not to shy away from be-friending single adults, because marrieds refusing to friend single adults can unfairly ostracize singles – which is fine advice – I’m all for married people friend-ing single people, yet (here is where the problematic part comes in) –

Yet, however, in 2014, Stetzer essentially told married couples in (Link): another article on Christianity Today magazine article to treat all singles like potential adulterers, to basically practice the “Billy Graham Rule,” and stay away from single adults of the opposite sex, because opposite – sex friendships will all supposedly end in an affair.

Which is not true. I’m a never-married woman, but I would not have an affair with a married man.

Singles are no more prone to committing sexual sins than married people.

There are plenty of examples of married people having extra-marital affairs with another married person. (There are plenty of husbands who have affairs with another man’s wife.)

Marriage does not make adults immune from committing (sexual) sin – note (Link): how many married Christian (and Non-Christian) men have been caught looking at porn, arrested for child molesting, hiring prostitutes, or having affairs.

Here’s the link to his first post in the series, the second is below:

(Link):  Singles: A Vital Part of Our Churches, Part 1– by Ed Stetzer

Excerpts:

Singles make up half of our churches, so we best learn to treat all people—married or single—equally

Let me just get this out there at the outset: For many, being single in the church can sometimes feel very awkward.

I have heard a number of singles tell me stories that have made me cringe—stories of how the leadership and the marrieds in the church spoke or acted in ways that were silly at best and dishonoring at worst.

Continue reading “Ed Stetzer’s Series on Christianity and Adult Singles, via CT”

How Treating Dating Like a Job Interview Can Land You ‘The One’ by C. Gollayan

How Treating Dating Like a Job Interview Can Land You ‘The One’ by C. Gollayan

A few years ago, I was reading an article that interviewed several never-married guys who were over the age of 40, and I believe all of them had wanted to be married but never found a match.

One of the guys said he gave up on dating, because dating came to feel like job interviews, so he gave up on it and just sits at home when he’s done with his job for the day.

So there may or may not be something to the advice in this article.

(Link): How Treating Dating Like a Job Interview Can Land You ‘The One’

By Christian Gollayan

Forget simply falling in love. According to some headhunters, the secret to finding “the one” in NYC is to treat it like a numbers game.

“The pure volume of daters [in the city means] you have to sift through them similar to interviewing a ton of candidates for a job,” says Dandan Zhu, 30, the owner of recruitment firm DG Recruit in Midtown.

So to efficiently find the best possible romantic match, Zhu says to act like a headhunter when looking for love. Below she shares six ways to date like a recruiter.

Write down your dating goals
Just like when you’re mapping out your career, Zhu advises you to write down a list of things you’re looking for in a partner. “This lets you know whether or not your date fits your profile,” she says.

Scroll through their social media
An easy way to start filtering out your prospective matches is to comb through their social media: Instagram and LinkedIn.

“When it comes to dating, we tend to look for people similar to us,” she says.

Whether that means having similar socioeconomic backgrounds, career paths or hobbies, Zhu says that screening matches’ online footprints will give you a clue to whether or not that person is worth meeting in person.

Continue reading “How Treating Dating Like a Job Interview Can Land You ‘The One’ by C. Gollayan”

The Dating Swamp: How Finding Love in DC May Be Impossible For Young Trump and GOP Staffers – Liberals Hypocritically Insist You Date Transgender Persons But Not Trump Voters

The Dating Swamp: How Finding Love in DC May Be Impossible For Young Trump and GOP Staffers – Liberals Hypocritically Insist You Date Transgender Persons But Not Trump Voters

(Disclaimer: I personally did not vote for anyone in the 2016 Presidential race, because I did not care for any of the candidates)

Wait. I’m confused.

Most Liberals insist other people date not based on personal preferences but on political correctness.

So, for example, pro-Trans activist Liberals yell and scream at CIS Lesbian women to date Trans women, even though many lesbians have made it clear they prefer to date other CIS (lesbian) women.

But now, liberals are not willing to date Republicans or Trump voters? They will supposedly date, or advocate that others date, people with penises who claim to be women, but they won’t date Republicans or whomever or whatever differing political persuasion? What?

(Link): The Dating Swamp: How Finding Love in DC May Be Impossible For Young Trump and GOP Staffers

Excerpts:

Trying to find love in D.C. can be tricky. If you’re a young Trump administration staffer, it might be near impossible.

GOP employees and other right-wingers have been complaining that dating in one of the most Democratic cities in America is a political minefield.

They’ve been called out, flipped off and told they are personally responsible for the death of democracy.

One 29-year-old lobbyist told Fox News that learning to date in a Trump world is “absolutely insane.”

 “It’s getting so bad,” the lobbyist, who asked to remain anonymous because she works with the administration, said.

Continue reading “The Dating Swamp: How Finding Love in DC May Be Impossible For Young Trump and GOP Staffers – Liberals Hypocritically Insist You Date Transgender Persons But Not Trump Voters”

Joy Beth Smith Interviewed About Being a Christian Adult Single

Joy Beth Smith Interviewed About Being a Christian Adult Single

Joy Beth Smith wrote a book about Christian adult singleness called “Party For One” and was interviewed about it on the Christian program “700 Club.”

(Link):  The Subtle Art of Singleness

The Waiting

Joy Beth was raised by her mom and grew up in the Baptist church.

She participated in the True Love Waits movement where young girls betrothed themselves to Jesus and wore promise rings while saving themselves for their future husbands.

When Joy Beth was in 7th grade, she started writing love letters to this future husband and continued this practice for 10 years.  “I wrote letters all the way through college,” says Joy Beth.

She spent hours recording details of her life but one day at age 22, Joy Beth realized that she couldn’t imagine any man enjoying the experience of reading hundreds of repetitive letters.

Continue reading “Joy Beth Smith Interviewed About Being a Christian Adult Single”

Singles Discrimination, Complementarianism, Equally Yoked Teaching, and Spotting Predators in Church Video

Singles Discrimination, Complementarianism, Equally Yoked Teaching, and Spotting Predators in Church Video

Someone in a Christian discussion group posted this video (and I don’t want to link to the group or mention it by name, though you may be able to figure out which one it is, especially if you are already familiar with it), and the Christians on the discussion board talked about it:

(Link): When A Predator Shows Up At Your Church — Here’s What You Do!

That same video has also been making the rounds on other Christian blogs, sites, forums, and on Twitter.

The video is around 18 minutes long. I watched it a few days ago.

The video features a Christian woman who says a 50-something guy showed up at her church, a man who set off red flags for her, due to his weird behavior around the kids who were there at the church, including her own.

The man behaved overly-familiar with her kid, other people’s kids who were there, and he ignored the parents of the kids.

(1) First, I’m going to discuss what I believe this video has to do with complementarianism.

(2) Then I am going to discuss some of the disturbing comments about adult singles that were made in the Christian discussion group where I saw this video posted to, and next,

(3) I’ll move on to discussing, as mentioned by a woman or two in the group, about the creepy behavior single adult women have to put up with, even at church, and what this has to do with the Christian “Equally Yoked” teaching.

Continue reading “Singles Discrimination, Complementarianism, Equally Yoked Teaching, and Spotting Predators in Church Video”

Marriage & Motherhood Are No Longer The Milestones Of Adulthood. Now What? by J. Filipovic

Marriage & Motherhood Are No Longer The Milestones Of Adulthood. Now What? by J. Filipovic

I’ve done several blog posts on this blog for years now mentioning how secular culture used to equate getting married as signifying one is an adult – and they unfortunately still do this in regards to sexual intercourse: you’re not considered a true adult until you have sex.

Christian culture is 100 times worse at both: Christians are not counter-cultural. They like to think they stand in opposition to the moral decay and laxity of sexual values in our society, but they actually take those secular attitudes and run with them. Christians can be ten times worse at maintaining and perpetuating falsehoods about sex and marriage more so than the secular culture they often complain about.

Christians also regard sex and marriage as necessary rites into adulthood. If you are over the age of 25 or 30, not married yet, and still a virgin, Christians also think you are stunted, repressed, weird, a freak, and you’re immature.

Christians don’t seem to stop and think that Jesus of Nazareth never married and never had sex, and the Apostle Paul actually wrote to the Corinthians it was better to remain single and celibate rather than to marry and have sex.

(Link):  Marriage & Motherhood Are No Longer The Milestones Of Adulthood. Now What? by J. Filipovic, June 2018

Excerpts:

… As more and more women around the world delay marriage and childbearing, or never marry or have children at all, the traditional markers of adulthood are shifting.

Half a century ago, adulthood in America came along with marriage, then a home, then children, in that order, with women typically marrying before they turned 20.

Today, the average woman marries at 27, while the average age of first birth is just over 26 — in other words, many women are having babies before marriage, and many others aren’t getting married or having babies at all.

Continue reading “Marriage & Motherhood Are No Longer The Milestones Of Adulthood. Now What? by J. Filipovic”

People Reveal Secrets They Never Share On A First Date

People Reveal Secrets They Never Share On A First Date

(Link):  People reveal the secrets they NEVER share on a first date – from working as a stripper to living in their mother’s basement

Excerpts:

Everyone holds back to a certain degree while testing the waters with a new potential love interest on a first date, but some are keeping bigger secrets than others.

People from around the world have taken to the anonymous secret sharing app Whisper to share the truths about themselves they don’t dare reveal when they first meet someone they like.

Continue reading “People Reveal Secrets They Never Share On A First Date”