Ask Amy: Wife Says She Is Turned Off By Husband’s Fat Body and Muffin Top

Ask Amy: Wife Says She Is Turned Off By Husband’s Fat Body and Muffin Top

I am publishing this to disprove one or two common stereotypes among conservative Christians: that women are not interested in sex, and women are not “visually oriented.”

Here we have an example of a woman who is sexually turned off by the sight of her husband’s obese body and muffin top. Women do in fact pay attention to what men look like and DO CARE about what men look like, though I’d have to say women are a lot less strict and picky about the looks.

Women might be willing to date a “so-so” looking man, so long as he compensates in other areas, like, he treats her really well, or he has a great sense of humor.

But women do notice and care about what men look like, and women can and do get turned off by flabby male bodies, receding hairlines, and so on.

Letter to Ask Amy advice columnist (Sept 2016):

Dear Amy:

How do I tell the man in my life that his huge muffin top is a turn off for me? He is more than plump, Amy, he is obese.

He blames his diabetes on the fact that he cannot satisfy me sexually, but I maintain that it is his obesity that is the reason he has diabetes.

I do not want to insult him or cause him any embarrassment, but I need to get across to him that he has to lose at least 30 to 40 pounds. Even his daughter gives him grief about his weight.

Please tell me how to talk to him without hurting his feelings.

— Diabetes

Benevolent Sexism in the Christian Bedroom (Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality) by J. Kamps

Benevolent Sexism in the Christian Bedroom (Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality) by J. Kamps

Some parts of these posts tackle subjects I’ve mentioned before on my blog in the past.

(Link):  It’s my orgasm, not his [part 1] by J. Kamps

(Link): It’s my orgasm, not his [part 2] by J. Kamps

Excerpts from (Link):  It’s my orgasm, not his [part 1] by J. Kamps

Jasmine’s story is an example of Benevolent Sexism. Hostile Sexism is fairly easy to recognise. Benevolent Sexism is sneaky and far more socially pervasive. It parades around wearing a facade of chivalry, making out women to be weaker, lesser, diminished, objectified, by using what are perceived as good manners, male consideration, and role definition.

Benevolent Sexism operates on the fundamental belief that, whether observed in practice or not, there IS a gender hierarchy.

….Benevolent Sexism even uses compliments and praise to disarm and disempower women. “Women are kinder, gentler, naturally more loving. Women are not as strong as men, so they require protection. Women are not as naturally competitive.”

Continue reading “Benevolent Sexism in the Christian Bedroom (Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality) by J. Kamps”

Prudie Counsels a Woman Whose Husband Stopped Initiating Sex. – But Most Christians Teach that Marriage Means Great and Regular Sex.

Prudie Counsels a Woman Whose Husband Stopped Initiating Sex. – But Most Christians Teach that Marriage Means Great and Regular Sex.

A lot of Christian teaching I heard while growing up – and even as an adult  – suggested if you wait until marriage to have sex that the sex would be so worth it, because it would be FREQUENT and GREAT QUALITY.

Lo and behold if that is not the case. Here is the one billionth example on my blog.

Oh, let this go to show that women are interested in sex too, not just men – Christians often falsely teach that only men want and enjoy sex, while they also teach that women only want cuddles and to sip tea.

(Link): Prudie counsels a woman whose husband stopped initiating sex

Q. Husband doesn’t initiate sex anymore:

I’m a 39-year-old woman, and my husband is 43. Our sex life has always been very good, and we each have done our own fair share of initiating.

However, in the past few years, the frequency of sex has really dwindled. Currently, as long as I do all of the initiating, our sex life remains great. If I don’t, no sex for months.

I’ve found myself becoming somewhat resentful, as it makes me feel like he no longer desires me or cares to make an effort. I’ve talked with him a number of times about this, and I only get the same responses over and over.

Continue reading “Prudie Counsels a Woman Whose Husband Stopped Initiating Sex. – But Most Christians Teach that Marriage Means Great and Regular Sex.”

Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband

Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband

A couple of days ago, I saw this episode of The 700 Club.

A celibate Christian woman wrote Pat Robertson this question –

And her question is one all Christians avoid: they just scream at a 20 year old today to MARRY NOW NOW NOW!

They have no advice and no encouragement to give any adult over 35 who wants to be married but still finds him or herself single.

The usual Christian response is just to shame this lady for supposedly not having done enough to marry when younger, in spite of not knowing her background, or what she did to try to marry – Christians just arrogantly ASSUME if you are not married past a certain age, it is all your fault, and there were no mitigating circumstances.

So here’s her question to Pat, host of The 700 Club:

  • Dear Pat,
  • The Bible says that it’s better to marry than to burn with lust, but what about someone like me who can’t find someone to marry?

Continue reading “Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband”

Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show – Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals

Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show – Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals

The majority of Christians will disregard this study, because it does not fit their culturally- based gender stereotypes that men are sexual animals and visually oriented while all women are supposedly, basically uninterested in sex and only interested in emotional closeness, weeping at beautiful poetry, and knitting scarves.

It is true: for all their bloviating on how they adhere to “sola scriptura,” many Christians take their secular-cultural based assumptions about women and read them back into the Bible. The Bible no where teaches that “God designed men to be visual” or that “men are more interested in sex than women are.” Christians get those assumptions from their culture or perceived personal experiences – not from the Bible.

(Link): Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show

Excerpts

  • by E. Bernstein
  • Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals
  • Rarely are researchers’ findings so satisfying. Women may want more sex than their husbands or partners think.
  •  

    New research by psychologists at the University of Toronto and the University of Western Ontario, (Link): published earlier this month in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that men in long-term relationships often underestimate how often their wives or girlfriends want to be intimate.

  •  

    The research consists of three studies, following a total of 229 long-term couples, most of whom are heterosexual. (The sample of homosexual couples was too small to be statistically significant, the researchers say.) Participants ranged in age from 18 to 68 years old; the couples had been together six years on average, and they reported they had sex an average of one to two times a week.

  • ….All three studies showed the same thing: Men consistently underestimated their female partner’s desire, while the women had an accurate read on whether or not their partner was interested in sex. And on the days when the men thought their partner was less sexually interested than she actually was, the women reported being more satisfied in and committed to the relationship.

Continue reading “Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show – Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals”

Here Are 5 Stupid, Unfair and Sexist Things Expected of Men – by G. Christina

Here Are 5 Stupid, Unfair and Sexist Things Expected of Men

I’m only copying one point off the page.

What this excerpt discusses from a secular view is similar to what occurs in Christianity: many Christians also believe that all men are randy horn dogs who want sex 24/7, but, they also believe and teach that women (especially married ones) hate sex and have to be convinced or shamed into having more sex.

I’ve posted links to news stories and studies before that mention that women want sex just as much as men. One headline I have on my blog that I saw in the news was something like, “Women’s sex appetite rivals men’s, when they think nobody is judging.”

See, in American society, if a woman is sexual or admits to wanting or liking sex, she will often be thought of as a slut. This happens both within and out the church – secular culture is kind of like this, too. Though it seems secular culture is a little more open to the idea of women wanting sex or having sex than Christian culture is.

Anyway, the cultural mores are such that even if a woman really enjoys sex, wants sex, she will be hesitant to act like it or admit it for fear of getting the “slut” label by other people or by her church. I don’t think that’s something that people often consider, especially not conservative Christians.

(Link): Here are 5 stupid, unfair and sexist things expected of men

Excerpts:

  • … But we don’t talk as much about how sexism hurts men. Understandably. When you look at the grotesque ways women are damaged by sexism—from economic inequality to political disenfranchisement to literal, physical abuse—it makes perfect sense that we’d care more about how sexism, patriarchy and rigid gender roles affect women than we do about how they affect men.
  • But men undoubtedly get screwed up by this stuff, too. Not screwed up as badly as women, to be sure… but not trivially, either.
  • [Sexist Things Expected of Men]
  • 3. Be hot to trot. Always. With anybody.
  • This is another expectation that came up with striking (although hardly surprising) frequency.
  • Men are supposed to want sex — and be ready for sex — all the time.
  • With pretty much anyone of the right gender who makes themselves available for it.

Continue reading “Here Are 5 Stupid, Unfair and Sexist Things Expected of Men – by G. Christina”

How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi

How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi

I’ve read an article about this woman’s book (“The Wild Oats Project”) before. I may have blogged on it a few months ago.

Her story makes me want to barf. She made a mockery out of her first marriage.

One problem or area of weakness I have seen with Christian teachings on sexual purity (in which I include virginity and celibacy) is that if or when Christians bother to defend or promote sexual purity anymore (they seldom do these days), is that they tend to emphasize it only for singles who are teen-agers to about their mid-20s in age.

Anyone past age 25 or 30 who is sexually abstaining is ignored by Christians in regards to sexual purity encouragement or teaching.

Married couples are usually ignored in Christian sexual purity teachings as well, although every other testimony I see on Christian blogs and television is about married couples who are porn addicts, or one partner is cheating on the other with other sexual partners.

Note in the story below that sexual behavior has consequences. It can sometimes end in negative ramifications for yourself and/or your partner.

At one point, this review says that Rinaldi goes on about how much she enjoys penises and finds them beautiful, and that she enjoys sticking them in her mouth. Warning here for any men reading: the vast majority of women do not like penises or find them beautiful.

Rather, most women think penises look horrible or ridiculous, and most do not want to perform oral sex on men.

Most women don’t enjoy looking at penises and do not enjoy (Link, off site: Should You Send A Lady A Dick Pic) getting “dick pics” on dating sites, or anywhere else.

Christians – if bothering to support virginity at all these days – will tell singles that if they wait until marriage to have sex, the wait will be worth it, because the sex will be (this is their favorite phrase in this area of discussion) “mind blowing,” and it is implied by these Christians that married sex will be regular and frequent.

What this book shows that I am blogging about here is that after several years, plenty of married couples find their sex lives to be hum-drum, routine, and boring, not “mind blowing.”

Some of these spouses are fine with routine, boring sex, but the other partner in the relationship may get bored and tired of it. That is why some of them seek out affairs or weird, kinky sex moves with each other.

One of the few positive things I can say about the revolting information and story in this review about this book is that it lays to rest some secular and Christian stereotypes about female sexuality.

Here is a long excerpt from the review:

(Link): How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – Review by L. Crocker

  • Robin Rinaldi wanted to spice up her marriage by having sex with other people—which ended up bringing a lot of heartbreak, and destroying her relationship.
  • Forty pages into her new memoir, The Wild Oats Project, Robin Rinaldi has mined every modern female anxiety: fear of being alone; boredom in monogamy; a ticking biological clock; a husband who doesn’t want children; a marriage devoid of passion.

    Rinaldi loves her husband, Scott, and has been with him for 17 years. He never wanted children, and when Rinaldi begs him to reconsider, he responds by getting a vasectomy.

    With no hope of having a family and desperate to feel passion that had long ago flickered out in her relationship, Rinaldi—then 44—negotiates an open marriage that permits both to see other people for a year.

    They jokingly refer to it as the “Wild Oats project.” She lays out ground rules—“no serious involvements, no unsafe sex, no sleeping with mutual friends”—and proceeds to break them all within a few months.

    … She advertises for hookups on Craigslist and Nerve.com (Tinder didn’t exist yet) and sleeps with men half her age…

    … Rinaldi’s husband is, for the most part, a saint. He frequently entreats her to quit the project and work on their marriage. He is patient and loving when she refuses, and reneges on his threats to leave her when she collapses in tears at his feet.

    Continue reading “How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi”

My Online Dating Experiment by C. Lloyd (Christian Author)

My Online Dating Experiment by C. Lloyd (Christian Author)

You see how the author of the following piece says men are too picky and discriminatory about age on dating sites? That’s why, if you are a woman, you should subtract ten to fifteen years off your true age when you put your age on a dating site.

However, I will not date men who are more than five, six years my junior, so should any super young guys contact me on dating sites, I don’t contact them back. I’ve written about all that in prior posts, so I won’t get into that here.

The lady who wrote this says her female friends (who also did this online dating experience at the same time she did) noticed that the Christian men on Christian dating sites were unattractive.

I’ve noticed that too.

About any time I see Christian men on dating sites or in singles classes at local churches, they tend to look dorky, dweeby, or are obese.

Physical appearance of a man is important to single women, even Christian ones, but you wouldn’t know that fact thanks to all the gender stereotyping garbage that Christian gender complementarians push in their blogs, articles, and sermons, which keep telling Christian men that women are “emotionally wired” and that women don’t care about sex or looks, and that men are supposedly “visually wired” and care about looks.

(Link): My Online Dating Experiment by C. Lloyd

Excerpts:

  • A few months ago, we asked Carrie Lloyd to delve into the world of online dating. She reveals what it takes for a single Christian woman to hook up via cyberspace.
  • ————–
  • … A dedication to online dating, just for you; for this article. Having chatted to the Premier Christianity team, I agreed to experiment in trying to find love in the cyber world, with all its personality filters: lawn game champion, marathoner, political junkie, health nut, zombie survivalist, tree-hugger, vegan, die-hard carnivore, non-believer in cologne (or deodorant), and finally, but importantly for me, just how much are you a Christian – really?
  • Taking the plunge
  • So, at 35, and still yet to find the right man to marry, would the online dating world be full of desperate souls seeking marriage so their lives could begin?

Continue reading “My Online Dating Experiment by C. Lloyd (Christian Author)”

News Reports: Tim Tebow’s Girlfriend Allegedly Breaks Up With Him Because He Won’t Have Sex With Her

News Reports: Tim Tebow’s Girlfriend Allegedly Breaks Up With Him Because He Won’t Have Sex With Her

Condolences to Mr. Tebow, but he’s probably better off without her, since she doesn’t respect or apparently share his values.

I’m a fellow celibate adult. I’m over 40 years of age and haven’t had sex yet. I can appreciate how daunting and difficult it can be to be a single, celibate adult both in and out of church.

And, on the bright side, (Link): Pat Robertson thinks Tebow is sexy, so I guess Tebow can console himself with that. (I joke.)

I first saw this story by way of Janet Mefferd’s Twitter.

I conveyed to Mrs. Mefferd that we celibate, single adults get no respect in or out of the church, which is true. Liberals especially are bad about this; they defend any and all sexual choices except for celibacy. They hold celibacy in contempt and usually ridicule it.

Christians do nothing to defend celibacy for adults who are over the age of 30 or so; they generally assume if you are over 29 years of age, you’ve either already had sex or will be doing so.

If this media report is true, I hope that it does not sour Mr. Tebow on all women. I do think the percentage of men or women who respect virginity in a mate has gone down – I actually have a link on my blog to a page where a men’s magazine advises men from dating lady virgins – but there are still some people out there who do respect a person for waiting, and who will date you.

(Link):  Report: Former Miss USA Dumps Tim Tebow Because He Wouldn’t Have Sex With Her

Excerpt:

  • The (Link): New York Daily News reports former Miss USA Olivia Culpo broke up with Tebow because he wouldn’t have sex with her due to his abstinent lifestyle.

Continue reading “News Reports: Tim Tebow’s Girlfriend Allegedly Breaks Up With Him Because He Won’t Have Sex With Her”

Seven Lies That Purity Culture Teaches Women (via CBE blog)

Seven  Lies That Purity Culture Teaches Women

I do think there are problems with “purity culture,” but, I do not embrace the anti-purity culture’s tendency to diminish celibacy or virginity.

Anti Purity Culture individuals are so concerned to shore up the feelings of fornicators that they are willing to inadvertently “step on” the feelings of people who are virgins (or celibates), whether those virgins are 15 or 55 years old. I see this as being one big flaw with their stance.

Other than that sort of thing, I feel that most items on this list are pretty good. I have raised several of these same points on my blog a few times over the last few years.

(Link): Seven  Lies That Purity Culture Teaches Women by N. Collins

Excerpts

  • 1. Women are responsible for men’s sexual sin.
  • Purity culture claims that women’s bodies and clothing can cause men to “stumble” with lust. Rather than placing the responsibility for sexual thoughts or actions on the man or boy who enacts them, purity culture places the responsibility on the woman or girl being looked at and lusted after. It’s almost as if Jesus said, “If your eye causes you to sin, go and tell the thing you’re looking at to stop looking that way in front of your eye.”
  • 3. Women shouldn’t have sexual desire. 

Continue reading “Seven Lies That Purity Culture Teaches Women (via CBE blog)”

Why Are We Denying that Women Used Ashley Madison? by R. Margolis

Why are we denying that women used Ashley Madison? by R. Margolis

(Link): Why are we denying that women used Ashley Madison? by R. Margolis

Aug 25, 2015

When it emerged that the hack on affair website Ashley Madison had potentially outed 36 million users, we the public berated the unfaithful.

But, if you look closely at the media coverage, it’s only the site’s male users who are being called to account. “Pull up your pants, gents. The game is up,” said Business Insider. “Don’t cry for the men of Ashley Madison,” said Britain’s Daily Mirror. “They deserve all they get.” After all, they’re the insatiable hound dogs so desperate to sow their maritally frustrated oats that they thought nothing of using their real email address to sign up for a site promising both affairs and discretion.

Meanwhile, women who use the site — whose details appear on that same list — are being ignored. “Ashley Madison proves women aren’t interested in casual sex,” screamed a New York Post headline.

Sure, it seems very likely that around five out of six of Ashley Madison’s genuine clients are men (allegedly the site (Link): added fake female accounts to lure more men), but that still means many millions of women signed on to have an affair.

That’s not an insignificant number — especially for a website marketed predominately at men.

Yet, the press diligently focuses its scorn on those reprehensible testicle-owners who sought sex with women who aren’t their wives.

Is it really so hard to believe that perhaps some female signups also drooled lustfully at the prospect of covert extramarital sex?

Continue reading “Why Are We Denying that Women Used Ashley Madison? by R. Margolis”

If Men Give Love to Get Sex by M. Murray

If Men Give Love to Get Sex

(Link):  If Men Give Love to Get Sex by M. Murray

Excerpts:

  • …One phrase emerged as a consistent theme, a thread of folk wisdom running across a spectrum of dating and marriage advice:
  • “Women give sex to get love. Men give love to get sex.”
  • It seemed reasonable enough. And it fit neatly with the gender stereotypes I’d heard all my life: Men think about sex every seven seconds. Women aren’t visual. Men are like microwaves; women are like crockpots.
  • But, as a newly married man, I soon discovered that these ideas were both inaccurate and damaging in our relationship. Beneath the glib cliché was an economic model of sex-bartering that undermines the very essence of love.

Continue reading “If Men Give Love to Get Sex by M. Murray”

Ashley Madison Proves Women Aren’t Interested in Casual Sex by N S Riley – a brief critique of this editorial

Ashley Madison proves women aren’t interested in casual sex by N S Riley

There may be some portions of this editorial I agree with, but there was a point or two where I don’t agree with the author, or I at least disagree slightly:

(Link): Ashley Madison proves women aren’t interested in casual sex – on The New York Post, by N S Riley

As to this excerpt:

  • Feminists remain convinced that if only our “gender norms” were different and there weren’t such a “double standard,” that women could enjoy casual sex the way men can.

I recently did another blog post awhile back which proclaims:

So you can read that later and come to your own conclusions.

I am not a feminist.

I do believe in equal rights for women, but the word “feminist” has so much baggage associated with it, I don’t like to use it to describe myself.

Most often, the word is associated with pro-choice, far left liberals who vote Democrat.

I myself am right wing, pro-life, and generally vote Republican when I do vote. Secular feminists are usually left wing and despise right wing women such as myself, so I don’t feel comfortable using the word “feminist” to describe myself.

I do on occasion agree with some secular feminists on some topics, but I find myself disagreeing with them quite a bit.

As to the point that men supposedly want sex more often and with more partners than women do,  or want casual sex more than women do, there is this link:

One of the things I think is dangerous about other conservatives (I am a conservative myself) bashing feminists and liberals on these points is that it actually makes men less accountable for their actions.

I believe the Bible and common sense dictates that people are perfectly capable of self control, and this includes the area of sexual behavior, and this includes men.

For my fellow conservatives to keep running around saying men are more prone to affairs, or that they want sex more, or what have you, is to perpetuate some notions that harm men and women.

We can see in very far right wing expressions of Christianity, such as branches that practices patriarchy or Quivering, that male sexual sins (including things as serious as child molestation, as in the case of Josh Duggar), is often watered down, and the male is excused for his sin, while the girl or women victims are blamed for having been raped or molested, because they supposedly did not dress “modestly enough,” or what have you.

I thought Christians and fellow conservatives were supposed to support the concept of personal responsibility, but in the area of male sexual sin, they usually do not. Their tendency is instead to be hypocritical and hold women and girls responsible for being raped, leered at, cat called, or molested by men.

Continue reading “Ashley Madison Proves Women Aren’t Interested in Casual Sex by N S Riley – a brief critique of this editorial”

4 Sexist Myths That The Church Should Reject – 3. Men Are Primarily Sexual Beings and Women Are Not Sexual by R. Asproth

4 Sexist Myths That The Church Should Reject – 3. Men Are Primarily Sexual Beings and Women Are Not Sexual by R. Asproth

(Link): 4 Sexist Myths That The Church Should Reject  by R. Asproth

Excerpt

  • 3. Men Are Primarily Sexual Beings and Women Are Not Sexual
  • Men are more sexual than women. It’s just biological. Never mind that some men have very low sex drives, and never mind that some women have very high sex drives. This gender myth has very little basis in reality—but it is a cultural value.
  • Particularly in the church, it is common to emphasize modesty and chastity in women—often for the sake of the oh-so-uncontrollable male sex drive. Those of us women who attended youth group growing up can probably recall lessons on shielding our bodies from our spiritual brothers’ wandering, lustful eyes. I’m calling this one.
  • While men and women do have biological and chemical differences, a given man is not necessarily more sexual than a given woman.
  • And it doesn’t help women when the church pretends that men are the only sexual beings. In fact, women can feel alone, alien, and rejected if they do not fit the prescription of the non-sexual Christian woman.

Continue reading “4 Sexist Myths That The Church Should Reject – 3. Men Are Primarily Sexual Beings and Women Are Not Sexual by R. Asproth”

Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Resigns after Admitting ‘Inappropiate Relationship’ (ie, Affair on His Wife, She Cheated Too)

Tullian Tchividjian Resigns after Admitting ‘Inappropiate Relationship’

He says his wife also had an affair, which is what led to his affair.

For the millionth time on my blog: let this be another example that despite what many conservative Christians believe, married Christians are no more sexually pure or godly than most adult singles – in some cases, they may be less so!

Note also, this works against another Christian stereotype that only men want sex and women do not – this whole thing got started because this guy’s wife cheated on him first. She obviously wanted sex (with another man, that is).

(Link): Tullian Tchividjian Resigns after Admitting ‘Inappropiate Relationship’

Excerpts

  • Tchividjian’s name was removed from the church’s website on Sunday and rumors of his resignation had been flying on social media.
  • A grandson of Billy Graham, Tchividjian cited an extramarital relationship as the reason for his departure from the Fort Lauderdale, Florida, PCA congregation.
  • Billy Graham’s grandson had troubled 6-year-tenure at Coral Ridge.
  • ————————-
  • Tchividjian’s tenure as pastor at Coral Ridge had been troubled from the start. In the spring of 2009, the church named the then-36-year-old as its senior pastor. At the time, Tchividjian led a young church plant which later merged with Coral Ridge.
  • Founded by famed preached D. James Kennedy, Coral Ridge had once drawn as many as 7,000 worshipers. But it had been in decline following Kennedy’s death in 2006.
  • Church elders hoped that Tchividjian’s youth, vision, and name could revive the fortunes of the aging congregation.
  • Instead they got chaos.
  • Within six months, a group of church members led by Kennedy’s daughter, Jennifer, called for Tchividjian’s ouster. Those dissidents were banned by the church
  • At issue were a change in worship style and Tchividjian’s rejection of culture war politics.
  • ——————
  • March 2016 UPDATE:
  • (Link):  Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Possibly Involved in Another Inappropriate Sexual Relationship (March 2016) / Why Do Christians Not Have a RBGR – Reverse Billy Graham Rule?

There Are No “Biblical Men” by B. Robertson

There Are No “Biblical Men” by B. Robertson

As I’ve noted before, strict gender role teachings, either taught under Christian gender complementarianism, or Christian patriarchy, can be harmful to men too, not just women.

(Link): There Are No “Biblical Men” by B. Robertson

Excerpts:

  • For years, I struggled to fit in to the gender identity that I was told God had created me to be. I knew I was a boy and I felt like a boy, but I didn’t want to be a sweaty, football playing, burping, manual-labor-loving boy that I was told God had created me to be. According to many in my community, I was failing to live up to God’s standard.
  • I was shamed by my pastor for doing “sissy work” when I wanted to be in the office instead of outside doing manual labor. My youth pastor made me leave a funeral service because I was crying.
  • He told me, “If you want to be a pastor, you’ve got to learn to be a man. Men don’t cry.” For years I questioned whether or not I was pleasing to God because I was a man but I did cry. I didn’t like manual labor. I lovedsinging in choir. I was soft-spoken. I didn’t feel like any of this made me less manly, and in fact, the men I admired most had similar qualities.
  • But as I searched the Scriptures, I was surprised to find a stunning lack of clarity on what it meant to be a man. In fact, many men in the Bible seemed to have traits similar to the ones I possessed. Jesus himself wept. And as far as I could tell, he never played football either.
  • …. As I have studied the cultural context surrounding the New Testament writings and early Christianity, it has become astoundingly clear to me that Dr. Rainey (and subsequently many other evangelicals) definition of masculinity is derived much more from the Greco-Roman culture than from any clear teachings of Christ.

((read the rest))

————————–

Related Posts:

(Link): Why Unmarried – Single Christians including MEN Should Be Concerned about the Gender Role Controversy

(Link):  The Masculinity Myth: The Real Reason Men Don’t Go to Church by the Evangelical Pulpit

(Link): The “Feminization” of the Church by K R Wordgazer

(Link):  Church must avoid becoming Fight Club to attract men by H. Coffey

(Link):  The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link):  According to this Christian Web Site, Authentic Manhood (their phrase) does not include single men or childless men

(Link):  Additional Rebuttals to CBMW Christian Gender Complementarian Heresy and Travesty That Declares All Females Must Submit To All Males In Heaven (Part 3)

(Link):   Marriage Made Into An Idol by Christians, Christians Who Believe Christian Men Are All Potential Rapists – Examples of these and other Topics

(Link): “You’re not a real man until you have children” by G. Proops – women should be able to relate to this too

(Link): Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Womanhood” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity

(Link): Gender Complementarian Advice to Single Women Who Desire Marriage Will Keep Them Single Forever / Re: Choosing A Spiritual Leader(Link):  A Grown-Up, Not Sexed-Up, View of Womanhood (article) – how Christian teachings on gender and singlehood contribute to raunch culture and fornication etc

(Link): Interesting Links Re Christianity and Gender Roles (A.K.A. Church and Christian Approved Sexism)

(Link): How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

(Link):  The Rise of the Lone She-Wolf by Charlotte Alter

(Link): How Christian Teaching on Gender Roles and Sex Can Mess People Up in Adulthood (from Wine and Marble blog, post by a former Christian guy)

Marriage Made Into An Idol by Christians, Christians Who Believe Christian Men Are All Potential Rapists – Examples of these and other Topics

Marriage Made Into An Idol by Christians, Christians Who Believe Christian Men Are All Potential Rapists – Examples of these and other Topics

If I find more examples in the future, I will edit this post to add them.

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The last few days, my Twitter feed has exploded with many links, photos, and comments about the Josh Duggar scandal and how TVC (the Village Church) is mis-handling the annulment of a woman from one of their pedophile members. I’ve blogged about both stories previously.

Here are the previous blog posts:

In the midst of checking out these links and stories about Duggar and TVC, I have seen many links and things posted about marriage, divorce, and domestic abuse and pedophilia, as well as the typical conservative Christian reaction to these issues.

There is a small but out-spoken conservative Christian minority (and I think some of the posters are moderates or progressives) who are stridently opposed to abuse of all forms and feel that churches are totally blowing it concerning how they deal with abuse among Christians.

The Christians who “get it” have been re-tweeting comments from the Christians who do not appreciate the seriousness of abuse, who are cavalier or flippant about abuse, or who minimize abuse by making comments such as “we are all sinners” or “we all deserve grace.”

Here in this post, I would like to start a collection of these things. I may in the future come back to edit this post to add the tweets, comments, and photos as I find them.

Continue reading “Marriage Made Into An Idol by Christians, Christians Who Believe Christian Men Are All Potential Rapists – Examples of these and other Topics”

Women are buying more sex than ever before, new research claims

Women are buying more sex than ever before, new research claims

The following seems very similar to a post I did several months ago, from January 2015:

The new article, from May 2015:

(Link): Women are buying more sex than ever before, new research claims

Excerpts:

  • Study also found that number of male escorts rose by almost a third since 2010
  • Women are buying more sex than ever before, according to new research.The initial findings, part of research project ‘Women Who Buy Sexual Services in the UK’, found that women who pay for sex come from all ages, backgrounds and it appears that one of the main reason for the transaction is they lack the time for a relationship.Researchers at Lancaster University and Manchester Metropolitan University spoke to 21 escorts and are now seeking female customers to continue their study.The study, led by Lancaster University’s Dr Sarah Kingston and Manchester Metropolitan University’s Dr Natalie Hammond, found that advertisement profiles of men rose from 5, 246 in 2010 to 15, 732 this year.Female profiles rose from 11,056 to 28,614 over the same period.

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Related Links:

(Link): Why are we denying that women used Ashley Madison? by R. Margolis

(Link):  Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show – Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals

(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link):  When society isn’t judging, women’s sex drive rivals men’s

(Link):  When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped

(Link):  Groundbreaking News: Women Like Sex (part 1, 2) (articles)

(Link):  Women Reading and Enjoying Erotica (Fifty Shades of Grey) Yes, Females Are Interested In Sex – Contrary to Gender Stereotypes

(Link):  Online Dating: Women Want Younger Men (article)

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

Men’s sex-drive hormone levels drop after 12 months

Men’s sex-drive hormone levels drop after 12 months

Weelll weelll well well. This certainly goes against the evangelical Christian propaganda that married sex will be regular, hot, and steamy. Not so, says this article.

By the way, when evangelicals promise hot, great sex, I think they generally have only men in mind. They don’t seem to care if women find sex enjoyable or not, as they often (incorrectly) assume that women seek only emotional connection and do not enjoy sex.

(Link): Forget the seven-year itch, it’s the first anniversary which is key: Men’s sex-drive hormone levels drop after 12 months 

  • Significant fall in testosterone after 12 months with a steady partner 
  • During the first year a man is poised to fight off competition 
  • Scientists interviewed 75 men aged between 18 and 39 about sex drive

Continue reading “Men’s sex-drive hormone levels drop after 12 months”

Yes Women Are Visually Oriented – Hundreds of female marathon runners abandon their race to mob ‘impossibly handsome’ policeman for selfies

Evangelical Christians often like to teach and assume that only men are visual and interested in sex, yet, here is an other example demonstrating that women are obviously visually stimulated.

(Link): Hundreds of female marathon runners abandon their race to mob ‘impossibly handsome’ policeman for selfies 

  • By KATE PICKLES FOR MAILONLINE

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Related Posts:

(Link):  Atlantic: What Being Editor in Chief of Playgirl Taught Me About Female Desire – The case for abandoning the myth that “women aren’t visual.” by Ronnie Koenig

(Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality