Male Preacher Marries For First Time At Age 44

Male Preacher Marries For First Time At Age 44

Please note: the following is hosted by on the site of the “Biblical Counseling Coalition”. I disagree with their views as to the causes and treatment of mental health issues.

(Link): The Bachelor Pastor: Three Reflections From my Single Life

His article is very long, so please click the link above to read the whole thing. Here are just a few excerpts:

    AUGUST 19, 2012: I have waited 44 years to write this. It is my last sermon as a single man. This coming Saturday I will marry the love of my life, Miss Jennifer Terrell.

    The unusual circumstances of my marriage give me an opportunity to say some important things. The first circumstance that makes my marriage atypical is my age. I am 44 years and 7 months old. If the national average age for a man’s first marriage is 28, this means I’ve had more time than average to think about these things.

    The second circumstance is my role in the church. I have been a pastor for 20 years and senior pastor here at Bethel for 15. My observation is that bachelor pastors are rarer than Packer fans at Soldier Field, and they are sometimes treated like them. They receive disparaging comments, questions of sexual orientation, and the like.

    These challenges are often overlooked in the church and I have one last chance to write about them as an insider, before I become one of those married pastors telling singles how they should feel.

    Many people have had the misunderstanding that my singleness was somehow related to a monkish vow of ministry or that I was so focused on Jesus that I had no interest in women or marriage. To the contrary, I have had my marriage radar on high alert since I went to college. I wasn’t desperate, and clearly wasn’t in a hurry, but I have greatly desired marriage and the blessings that go with it. In fact, I would say if I erred on any side, I have erred on marriage being too important.

    Related post this blog:

    (Link): Woman’s First Marriage at Age 40+

How About the Celibates? Christian Publications Continue to Spaz About Unmarried Christians Having Sex | (And a Link Dump)

How About the Celibates? Christian Publications Continue to Spaz About Unmarried Christians Having Sex – (Also in the post, links to various articles)

Not only are most Christian publications continually freaking out about un-married Christians who are doing the nasty (ie, having sex), but one Christian personality, Timothy Keller, goes so far as to bizarrely suggest that any and all struggles a person has with his or her faith is due to fornication (link below).

Notice that most of these Christian links below about sexuality and virginity are geared towards “youth.”

Christians past age 30 who are virgins who have sexual desire, who want to be married and having sex but marriage is not happening, are not discussed or addressed.

Does the church only care about the under 25 demographic remaining sexually pure? Is it okay with other Christians for me to have sexy sex now that I’m age 40+ and still not married?

The impression I get is that the church only cares about under- 25s or under- 30s abstaining, and the church just sort of gives up on you if you’re still not married at 30. I guess I can take this as indirect approval that I can have sex now, thanks American Christian culture for the pass!

Note that for every article Christian pastors and magazines devote to un-married Christians who are having sex, they are further and further pushing Christian celibates away.

When oh when will I begin to see such breathless devotion to Christians who are celibate get mentions or get featured prominently on the cover of “Christianity Today” every so often? Why do those who are sinning (i.e., the fornicators, and those fornicators who are under age 25 / 30) get all the attention from preachers and Christian publishers?

Here are the links:

(LINK): ‘Who Are You Sleeping With?’ My Conversation with Timothy Keller

Rachel Held Evans gave Keller the smack down at her blog (rightfully so – I mean who the hell seriously ascribes any and all skepticism to fornication?):

(Link): Is Doubt An STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease)?

(Link): Tim Keller, Rachel Held Evans, and the Virginity of Young Christians

(Link): The Gospel and Sex by Tim Keller

(Link): The Sex Lives of Unmarried Evangelicals From Christianity Today

(Link): There’s Too Much Sex Talk in Fundy Land (Re Christian Fundamentalists)

An entire site by Christians about sex – sex and the Gospel:

(Link): Sex and the Gospel – A Biblical View of Sex

(Link): Sex and the Gospel Conference to Teach ‘Foundation of God Sex’

Sex Shouldn’t Be Better Than Church, Says Professor

Married People Aren’t More Virtuous Than Christian Singles

Series: Married People Aren’t More Virtuous Than Singles

Another example of a self- professing Christian having an extra marital affair, this time, a preacher no less.

A lot of (married) Christians assume only un-married Christians are engaging in sexual sins – as though married couples are above this sort of thing. They’re not. See previous posts on this blog for more commentary about this stereotype of Christian singles as being out of control horn dogs who are big ol’ tramps, and as though being married makes one immune from sexual sin or being tempted by it.

(Link): Megachurch Pastor David Loveless Resigns After Admitting to Past Affair

    By Jeff Schapiro , Christian Post Reporter
    May 7, 2013|3:11 pm
    David Loveless has resigned as the lead pastor of Discovery Church in Orlando, Fla., after admitting that he had an extramarital affair.

    “It is with great sadness that we announce the immediate resignation of our lead pastor, David Loveless, following his acknowledgement of his participation in a wrongful relationship over multiple years with a woman not his wife,” a statement from the church’s elder board reads. “While David indicates that the relationship was ended approximately three years ago, we were only made aware of it when he informed us in recent days. David offered his resignation and the elders prayerfully and unanimously accepted it.”

    The Church Wounds co-author and his wife, Caron, have been married for more than 37 years, and they have three married sons and seven grandchildren, according to his blog. The church he is leaving has been recognized as “one of the 10 healthiest churches in America,” his blog formerly stated, and he was recognized as “one of the top 20 Christian leaders in the U.S. to watch.”

Related posts, this blog:

(Link): Married Pervy 50+ Year Old Pastor Diddles 16 Year Old Kid

(Link): The ol’ Christian myth that married couples are impervious to sexual sin but singles have lots of sexual sin

(Link): Married Women Engage in Sexual Sin – and most men in denial particularly Christian conservatives

Motherhood Does Not Necessarily Make Women More Mature, Selfless, Responsible, Or Spiritual

Motherhood Does Not Necessarily Make Women More Mature, Selfless, Responsible, Or Spiritual

Many Christians have biases against unmarried people and people without children. If you’ve never married and had kids, married Christians think you are selfish, lazy, have a stress-free life and oodles of free time. There is this misperception that only married people with children have life tough and have “real” responsibilities, or that married people are more responsible and mature. Here’s an article which says otherwise:

(Link): Why There Are More Walk Away Moms

By Peggy Drexler, Special to CNN

    Eleven years ago, Brenda Heist dropped off her young kids at school — and never returned. Not to pick them up later, and not to their Pennsylvania home. The family thought she was dead. That something terrible had happened to her. What else could explain the sudden disappearance of a woman her daughter, then 8, later described as a “great” mom?

    But then last week, after more than a decade, Heist turned up in Florida, revealing to police that she hadn’t been kidnapped or killed. She had, she said, been stressed.

    Most mothers are familiar with the feeling — for some it’s more fleeting than for others — of total exhaustion, frustration, a sense of being overwhelmed by duty and the responsibility of raising children. Maybe some indulge in a momentary fantasy of running away.

    Though there are no hard numbers, reports would seem to indicate that the number of moms who actually do run away — or at least walk away — is increasing.

    According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the number of single fathers has been rising steadily, from more than 600,000 in 1982 to more than 2 million in 2011.

    Anecdotally, too, we’re hearing more from mothers who leave their children due to choice or circumstance.

    There’s Rahna Reiko Rizzuto, who wrote in an essay for Salon.com that she realized, when her sons were 3 and 5 that she didn’t want to be a full-time mother anymore. There are even support groups now for women who decide to leave their children.

    What is happening?

    It’s hard to say, but our increasingly me-first world might have something to do with it. According to a study published in the journal Social Psychology and Personality Science, clinical narcissism –defined by heightened feelings of entitlement, decreased morality and a dog-eat-dog mentality — has increased by 30% over the past 20 years. Two out of every three people now measure high for the disorder.

    Continue reading “Motherhood Does Not Necessarily Make Women More Mature, Selfless, Responsible, Or Spiritual”

Older Single Males are Pedophiles says Ask Amy

Older Single Males are Pedophiles says Ask Amy

Well, well, well. At least Amy of the “Ask Amy” column is consistent across the genders when it comes to insult.

Previously, she’s suggested that women over 40 lack sex appeal (read this), and now, she’s agreeing with a mom of two college aged sons that older, single men are perverts who want to fondle and diddle children.

The letter:

Married Women Engage in Sexual Sin – and most men in denial particularly Christian conservatives

Married Women Engage in Sexual Sin – and most men in denial, particularly Christian conservatives

Yes, married people, wives, engage in sexual sin. Most preachers are in denial about this and prefer to assume sexual sins ensnare UN-married people.

The following site not only is another example disproving that contention, but also the popular Southern Baptist, Fundamentalist, and evangelical belief that only men want and enjoy sex, while women only want cuddles, to admire rainbows, or to hand-knit pot holders.

(Link): Why Married Woman Have Affairs

Marrying Young – from “Stuff Christian Culture Likes,” by Stephanie Drury

Marrying young – from “Stuff Christian Culture Likes,” by Stephanie Drury
(also indirectly highlights how many Christians have turned marriage and having children into idols)

I think there’s been a time or two I’ve disagreed with some of Ms. Drury’s (or should I address her as ‘Mrs?’ I honestly don’t know, and mean no disrespect either way), but I do agree with her on some occasions, and I think she’s providing a service of sorts in exposing some of the lunacy that goes on in America in the name of Christ.

I believe she was raised by Christian parents, but I have no idea if she considers herself a Christian now or not.

I’m not exactly sure which blog of hers is current. Her blog has been hosted on various locations over the last few years.

Not only is the post by Drury I am linking to below enlightening (and echoes what I’ve said on my blog before, see this), but read the comments at the bottom of her blog page by her blog guests.

(Link): #207 Marrying young posted by Stephanie Drury

Some excerpts, from the page by Drury:

    Christian culture gets married young. The reason isn’t entirely clear, but the general consensus is that it drastically lowers the risk of fornication. You just can’t fornicate if you’re married, and that takes care of that.

    Fornication is Christian culture’s natural enemy. Bible colleges (aka “bridal colleges” – what did I tell you?) require students to sign a convenant stating they won’t drink, swear, be gay or have premarital sex. But even Christian students at secular universities roil under biblical sex mandates. When you combine guilt with evangelical horndogs you get a lot of marriage proposals and short engagements.

    Continue reading “Marrying Young – from “Stuff Christian Culture Likes,” by Stephanie Drury”

The ol’ Christian myth that married couples are impervious to sexual sin but singles have lots of sexual sin

The ol’ Christian myth that married couples are impervious to sexual sin but singles have lots of sexual sin

I am hence forward going to occasionally copy certain stories to this blog: at times I see news stories or advice columns where a married person is arrested for crime, a woman writes for advice because her spouse is addicted to porn, is a drunkard, or is abusing her – bonus points if the people in these stories are self professing Christians – I may be including it on my blog.

I currently already have a few examples already (see this page)

One regularly sees married Christians discriminate against unmarried Christians. For example, most churches, which are run by married people, do not permit unmarried Christians to hold positions of importance, significance, or leadership precisely because of their singlehood.

One will regularly see Christian authors advise Christian unmarrieds that in order to get a spouse, they must achieve perfection and sinlessness in this lifetime.

Marriage is held out by some Christians to be a reward for Christians who have all their sh*t together. Never mind the Bible is clear that nobody has their sh*t together all the time in this lifetime. And never mind that I constantly see people way more messed up than me getting married all the time.

There is a stereotype held by most married people, including Christians, that unmarried people, even the ones over the age of 30, are immature, irresponsible, weird, or horny horn dogs who are more sexually active than a five dollar crack whore.

Further assumptions by Christians and Non Christians is that one must resemble Brad Pitt or Cindy Crawford if one wants a spouse, yet I frequently see obese males and females, ugly people, or baldlng guys get spouses.

I see beautiful models, actors, and rock singers who can’t find a date or stay married.

So I don’t think physical perfection (usually as in air-brushed to death) is a requisite for marriage. (See this page for more, and this page for more.)

The divorce rate in the USA is high for both Non Christians and Christians. So even though some of these people are tying the knot, they are not staying married. If the stereotype is that one must be perfect before meriting a spouse from God, shouldn’t these perfect people be able to stay married? How can perfect people divorce?

Then, there is the gross misperception that being married makes one completely immune from falling into sexual sin.

Here is an excerpt from a page about the impact of pornography on marriages:

(Link): Porn addiction destroys relationships, lives

    According to the Web site Divorcewizards.com, huge numbers of divorce lawyers report that pornography is a big issue in divorce these days, which it never was before the advent of the Internet.

There is a Bible verse that alludes to “get married if you are a horn dog” because it’s “better to marry than burn.”

However, being married does not prevent sexual sin.

Plenty of married people commit sexual sin – by viewing pornography; using prostitutes; fantasizing, during sex with their spouse, that their spouse is their favorite movie actor; married men look in lust at other women all the time; and on and on.

At the same time, many preachers, when they bother to address singlehood, tend to narrow their commentary to SEX.

I’m sure, Mr. Pastor, that you do have a lot of randy 16 year old teen males who frequently confess to you that they’re horn dogs, asking is masturbation a sin, or who confess to looking at “Penthouse.”

But you know, there are still about (my figure may be wrong, but I think it’s around) one third of adult Christians who have not had sex yet, and some are over the age of 30. Some unmarrieds may engage in fornication or struggle with the temptation, but not all.

I was at another blog a few days ago, where a Christian guy was discussing why he almost gave up on the Christian faith.

He got divorced. I think he was in his 30s or 40s when he got divorced. After his divorce, he sank into a deep depression. He confided in his deacons at his church about how depressed he was.

He got a phone call late one night from one of these deacon guys who said, “You must be struggling with pornography. TELL ME THE TRUTH ARE YOU LOOKING AT PORN?”

The guy said, “No.” (And he was not). The deacon guy responded, “You can tell me the truth. I bet you are looking at porn! It’s a temptation for a lot of guys!”

I read this guy’s testimony and was dumbfounded.

It is just assumed that because he is divorced now that he’s looking at porn? A lot of married Christian men are addicted to porn. (Some married Christian women have also admitted to having online porn or dirty movie addictions.)

Based on studies I have read, lots of people in marriages or dating relationships get involved in porn because they find sexual release over porn easier or more rewarding than with their partner ((Link): here is one page that discusses it).

The same studies and other studies say that porn usage changes the brain’s chemicals, so that the person craves more porn.

These studies say it gets to the the point where boyfriends and husbands PREFER air brushed, fake women in dirty sites and magazines to their flesh and blood partners.

It’s very insulting, ignorant, and unhelpful for Christians to continue to assume and uphold this stereotype that sexual sin is the snare or province of unmarried people only, when it appears to be a larger problem among the married.

Continue reading “The ol’ Christian myth that married couples are impervious to sexual sin but singles have lots of sexual sin”

Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – Easy Forgivism

Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – Easy Forgivism

On a recent episode of the Christian program “The 700 Club,” someone wrote in to their (Link): “Bring It On” segment to say she had an extra- marital affair, and her spouse divorced her as a result. She wants to know how to move on.

Basically, the host, Pat Robertson, said that she should forgive herself. He made some sort of remark about how we are all “sexual beings” and may slip into sexual sin from time to time-it’s totally expected and normal to commit sexual sin, he seemed to be saying.

While I am not advocating that this adulteress beat herself up over her sexual sin for the rest of her life, or that the church should line up to toss stones at her, I found Robertson’s tone, comments, and attitude about adultery a little too dismissive of sexual sin.

There was this underlying vibe in his reaction that all humans are going to slip and literally sin sexually (ie, actually engage in physical acts, not just engage in sexual fantasy). However, this is simply not true.

There are some Christians who remain virgins past their 20s. It is a very damaging assumption and fallacy to keep suggesting, as evangelicals, Neo Calvinists, Baptists, and fundamentalists do, that nobody can resist sexual desires for years or forever. People can in fact resist giving in to sexual desires and acting upon them- but they choose not to.

If God is so easy peasy to look past sexual sins, including in the case of adultery as Robertson is claiming, and if sliding into sexual acts outside of marriage is totally normal and to be expected, why should I remain sexually pure at my age (I’m over 40)? There is no reason to.
———————
Related post(s) this blog

(Link): Christians and Cheap Grace Concerning Sexual Sin

(Link):  Some Researchers Argue that Shame Should Be Used to Treat Sexual Compulsions

Married Pervy 50+ Year Old Pastor Diddles 16 Year Old Kid

Married Pervy 50+ Year Old Pastor (Jack Schaap ) Diddles 16 Year Old Kid – Married Christians Not More Mature or Sexually Pure than Un-Married Christians

 Below is a link to a story about a 50-something preacher, Jack Schaap, who was carrying on a sexual affair with a teen aged girl from his congregation.

A lot of Christians like to tell un-married Christians that un-married Christians are not as mature or responsible as married people are.

Even if you are age 40 or older, a lot of married Christians assume you, a Christian single, have the maturity or life experience of a typical 15 year old kid. 

 A lot of preachers assume that un married Christians have raging hormones and have a different sex partner every night of the month. They never seem to figure out that marriage does not make people immune from engaging in sexual sin.

Married people are not always immune from immature behavior or selfishness, either. 

This originally comes from 

http://www.singlemind.net/?p=7281

Preacher Jack Schaap–pastor of FBC Hammond Admits To Having Sex with Teen Girl Repeatedly

Jack Schaap–pastor of FBC Hammond, IN–was fired after admitting to an affair with a 16-year-old girl.

Being a megachurch pastor, he probably qualifies as an Alpha, and power does tend to be the ultimate aphrodisiac.

But still…he is married, and has almost 40 years on the girl with whom he was fornicating. 

Oh, and he has written books on dating

This entry was posted on Friday, August 3rd, 2012 

This same pervy pastor also made this disgusting video, where he simulated masturbation from the pulpit, in front of people, including kids: 

(Link): Jack Schaap demonstrates how to polish a shaft 

Marriage does NOT make a person more mature or sexually pure than an un-married person, as that video and news story demonstrate.