Valentine’s Day is Stupid, But Men Should Stop Complaining about It by Kat Timpf

Valentine’s Day is Stupid, But Men Should Stop Complaining about It by Kat Timpf

(Link): Valentine’s Day is Stupid, But Men Should Stop Complaining about It by Kat Timpf

Excerpts:

….After all, Valentine’s Day is the worst. I mean, who cares? All it means is that all of your social-media platforms are going to be flooded with pictures of other people’s flowers, complete with captions about how they were gifted by BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD, while you watch your cat lick up the crumbs from the cookies that you’re eating alone in bed. (Just me?) Even when I’ve been in a relationship, I still haven’t cared about it much because I have a career and a life and other things to worry about besides showing off my relationship on Instagram to make the cat-crumbs people feel bad about themselves.

That being said, I’d still have to say that the only thing more ridiculous than Valentine’s Day is probably the fact that men are complaining about having to spend a little cash to celebrate it.

Continue reading “Valentine’s Day is Stupid, But Men Should Stop Complaining about It by Kat Timpf”

A Valentine’s Ode to Friendship by P. Jane

A Valentine’s Ode to Friendship by P. Jane

Hunh. This article did not turn out to be as good as I was expecting it to be.

Marriage does not bring meaning or happiness to people’s lives.

If you are counting on a spouse to meet all your needs (emotional and otherwise) think again, because I have plenty of examples on my blog of women who divorced abusive, insensitive, or controlling men, or women who are in lonely marriages, where their husband puts watching football or his job before spending time with his wife.

I have an article on my blog about a woman whose husband developed early dementia in his early 40s, which she said left her feeling like a widow, because his mental faculties degraded to the point he was like a big slobbering baby. She became lonely in her marriage.

That is why married people need to stop fixating so much on their spouse and try to make platonic friends outside the marriage.

(Link): A Valentine’s Ode to Friendship

Excerpts:

I wasn’t ready to date after my husband died suddenly a year ago. I felt heartsick. But I also felt lonely. I had spent the previous 30 years writing alone in a room, which was great when I had a family who magically materialized at the end of the day.

But now, with my husband gone and my daughter off to college, writing alone in a room all day no longer seemed appealing. I needed someone to talk and laugh with, face to face.

Or F2F, as they say on the dating sites.

Online dating sites were offering Valentine’s specials:
“Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love and friendship. Join now and get two months free!”

Continue reading “A Valentine’s Ode to Friendship by P. Jane”

Response to the Alex Parker Piece ‘Feminist Rages Against GirlPal ‘Galentine’s Day,’ Says No Women Are Lonely, Praises Group Vomiting’

Response to the Alex Parker Piece ‘Feminist Rages Against GirlPal ‘Galentine’s Day,’ Says No Women Are Lonely, Praises Group Vomiting’

A conservative editorialist at the Town Hall site, Alex Parker (who I assume is a man), mocks an (Link): anti-Galentine’s Day essay written by a secular, liberal feminist named Rachel Hosie.

“Galentine’s Day” is a new holiday where women friends can celebrate their friendships with each other on February 13th.

The secular feminist that Parker is responding to believes that Galentine’s Day is patronizing to single women, so she is not in support of the holiday.

As a never-married woman who is over 45 years of age who had wanted to be married, but it didn’t come to pass for me, I came to terms with being never-married years ago, so Valentine’s Day no longer bothers me the way it used to.

I don’t have strong feelings for or against Galentine’s Day.

While Hosie’s contention may be true that Galentine’s Day is patronizing towards single adulthood (which is a bad thing), I see it as ultimately a harmless day for women to spend enjoying the friendship of their women friends, so I don’t object to the holiday.

I do however object to a few of the points that Parker made while trying to dismantle Hosie’s arguments.

I will provide excerpts from the Parker editorial and then offer my observations:

(Link): Feminist Rages Against GirlPal ‘Galentine’s Day,’ Says No Women Are Lonely, Praises Group Vomiting

Excerpts:

[Hosie the liberal feminist writes,]

Actually, we don’t need your pity — and the whole concept perpetuates the ridiculous myth of the sad, single woman.

[To which conservative Parker replies,]

The ridiculous myth?? How is it a myth, and how is it ridiculous?

Men want women, and women want men; that’s why we have February 14th … Thursday’s gonna find some people without dates; some portion of those will have ovaries; and some of those are gonna be none too thrilled.

Oh, wait — I forgot; this is 2019.

Okay…women aren’t women and men aren’t men and women don’t have to be like men or women, and there are no men or women…
–(end quotes)—-

My comments regarding this portion of the exchange:

Spinsters and Crazy Cat Ladies

I cannot believe Parker is feigning ignorance of the “sad, pathetic” single woman trope.

Being a conservative who is critiquing a liberal or feminist essay does not mean having to act ignorant of certain societal truths in the process.

Continue reading “Response to the Alex Parker Piece ‘Feminist Rages Against GirlPal ‘Galentine’s Day,’ Says No Women Are Lonely, Praises Group Vomiting’”

Will You Survive Red Tuesday? More Couples Split in the Week of Valentine’s Day Than Any Other – And the Top Day to Get Dumped Is Tomorrow by H. Richardson

Will You Survive Red Tuesday? More Couples Split in the Week of Valentine’s Day Than Any Other – And the Top Day to Get Dumped Is Tomorrow by H. Richardson

(Link): Will You Survive Red Tuesday? More Couples Split in the Week of Valentine’s Day Than Any Other – And the Top Day to Get Dumped Is Tomorrow

According to a recent survey, the most popular way to end a relationship is by text, followed by a phone call and a chat face-to-face

MANY couples will be looking forward to celebrating the most romantic night of the year later this week.

That’s if they manage to get through tomorrow, which has been dubbed Red Tuesday due to it being the top day of the year to get dumped.

Continue reading “Will You Survive Red Tuesday? More Couples Split in the Week of Valentine’s Day Than Any Other – And the Top Day to Get Dumped Is Tomorrow by H. Richardson”

Galentine’s Day – Because Nobody Likes Valentine’s Day Anymore

Galentine’s Day – Because Nobody Likes Valentine’s Day Anymore

I started seeing mentions of “Galentine’s” day show up in my Twitter a few days ago.

It has something to do with women friends celebrating their friendship with each other, instead of celebrating Valentine’s Day – or this article below says it’s celebrated on February 13th, the day before Valentine’s.

(Link): What Is Galentine’s Day? Leslie Knope’s Favorite Holiday Is Something We Should All Celebrate

… Basically, it’s like Valentine’s Day, only instead of celebrating the love you have for your significant other, you spend it with your best girlfriends, who are, after all, your soul mates, and therefore deserve a holiday all to themselves, too.

Leslie chooses to observe the day of lady love with brunch (her other true love), but you can kick it back lady-style however you want. Since the episode aired in 2010, it’s become just as big a deal as its Valentine’s Day counterpart. Ovaries before brovaries, you know?

Continue reading “Galentine’s Day – Because Nobody Likes Valentine’s Day Anymore”

Texas Zoo Will Name Roach After Your Ex, Feed It To Live Animal by A. Klausner

 


Texas Zoo Will Name Roach After Your Ex, Feed It To Live Animal By A. Klausner

The Bronx zoo has a deal where you can pay them some money and they will name one of their hissing roaches after whomever you want. They do not kill the roach; the roach remains in their exhibit, is my understanding.

As to this stunt, based out of Texas: I am not comfortable with them feeding a live roach to another animal. That seems cruel. I hope they reconsider.

(Link): Texas Zoo Will Name Roach After Your Ex, Feed It To Live Animal

Feb. 2019

Give your ex a dozen roaches this Valentines Day!

Continue reading “Texas Zoo Will Name Roach After Your Ex, Feed It To Live Animal by A. Klausner”

Valentine’s Day: The Unromantic Origins of the Holiday by S. Barr

Valentine’s Day: The Unromantic Origins of the Holiday by S. Barr

(Link): Valentine’s Day hasn’t always been flowers, chocolate and saccharine romance

…While some may be vaguely aware that the occasion takes its name from a priest called Saint Valentine, they may not be acquainted with the full history of Valentine’s Day, which is decidely less romantic than one may expect.

Valentine of Terni was a Third-Century-priest who ministered to Christians in ancient Rome. Various accounts exist detailing the events that led to him becoming a martyr and subsequently being named a saint by the Catholic Church.

Continue reading “Valentine’s Day: The Unromantic Origins of the Holiday by S. Barr”

Men Care More About Valentine’s Day Than Women, Says (2019) Survey by Z. Gervis

Men Care More About Valentine’s Day Than Women, Says (2019) Survey by Z. Gervis

This seems familiar. I may have posted a similar article as this one a year or more ago. Hmm.

(Link): Men care more about Valentine’s Day than women, says survey

Excerpts:

… A new survey finds nearly 60 percent of people give their partner an F grade when it comes to bringing the romance on February 14.

The Groupon study, which looked into gift expectations and plans surrounding the annual day of love, uncovered that the average person rates their partner at just 52 percent — an F-grade equivalent — when it comes to the effort they put into Valentine’s Day.

Continue reading “Men Care More About Valentine’s Day Than Women, Says (2019) Survey by Z. Gervis”

Conservatives Are Rather Inconsistent About Morals and Women’s Sexuality – Regarding: The College That Considers Valentine’s Day Cards A Form of Sexual Harassment

Conservatives Are Rather Inconsistent About Morals and Women’s Sexuality – Regarding: The College That Considers Valentine’s Day Cards A Form of Sexual Harassment

This post contains one or two “adult” words, towards the bottom.


I am conservative. I’ve never been a liberal.

I do sometimes spot troubling contradictions or inconsistencies with other conservatives, however. This is one of those times.

So, I’m glancing at this editorial on a right wing site about liberals at some college campus possibly banning the handing out of Valentine’s Day cards, because they could be considered a form of sexual harassment by some students.

Here’s a link:

(Link): Valentine’s Day cards face ban as ‘sex harassment’

Here are excerpts from that page – I will address the problems I have with this below:

Students at the University of New Orleans should think twice about sending out any Valentine’s Day cards if they don’t want to risk being expelled for sexual harassment, according to a free-speech advocacy group.

Continue reading “Conservatives Are Rather Inconsistent About Morals and Women’s Sexuality – Regarding: The College That Considers Valentine’s Day Cards A Form of Sexual Harassment”

Single and Already Over Valentine’s Day? This Tweet Round Up Is For You by B. Wong

Single and Already Over Valentine’s Day? This Tweet Round Up Is For You by B. Wong

❤ ❤ ❤
(Link): Single and Already Over Valentine’s Day? This Tweet Round Up Is For You

Excerpts:

Outside of discount candy the next day, is there anything to look forward to about Valentine’s Day when you’re single?

Continue reading “Single and Already Over Valentine’s Day? This Tweet Round Up Is For You by B. Wong”

Woman on 700 Club Claims God Told Her To Marry Bearded Guy

Woman on 700 Club Claims God Told Her To Marry Bearded Guy

I pretty much detest this Christian view that, “God sent me a spouse!”

And wouldn’t you know that just a few days ago on “700 Club” there was a story on there on (Link): their Valentine’s Day (February 14, 2018) episode (at least I’m fairly sure it aired on Valentine’s Day, though I could be wrong on that) where this woman said she broke up with this dude, and she said she “felt the LORD” telling her to do so, that he “had something better” for her.

What’s worse than seeing these stories, or having a Christian show broadcast such stories, is for them to do so on Valentine’s Day, which may be a difficult day for some singles to get through.

Continue reading “Woman on 700 Club Claims God Told Her To Marry Bearded Guy”

If You Are Ever Bummed About Being Single, Maybe Watch “Gone Girl” (Movie)

Yeesh. If you are single, want to be married, and ever feel lousy or discouraged about being single still, you might want to check out the movie “Gone Girl.”

Or not. It may forever discourage you from dating ever again, LOL – which is why I put “maybe watch it” in the subject heading of this post.

What a creepy movie.

I saw it tonight because it came on one of the cable TV channels I get.

It stars Ben Afflec (however his name is spelled) married to some blonde lady. This movie contains twists and turns.

You start out feeling bad for the wife, because the husband looks like a cheating, insensitive, selfish, lazy, jerk.

But then as the movie goes on, you learn the blonde wife is no prize, either. You then also feel sorry for the husband as you start learning more about the sicko wife.

Continue reading “If You Are Ever Bummed About Being Single, Maybe Watch “Gone Girl” (Movie)”

❤ Valentine’s Day, the Church and Single Awareness Day? by J. Storment

Valentine’s Day, the Church and Single Awareness Day? by J. Storment 

I don’t think I am actually going to make a Valentine’s Day post this year ON the day itself, or shortly before.

Valentine’s Day is this Sunday, so you can consider this here post this blog’s annual Valentine’s Day (Singles Awareness Day) post.

Unless I come across a really groovy, outstanding V-Day post between now and then, this is it, then I will consider logging in and making a new post – but I will be kind of busy later this week, so I don’t know if I will have time.

The following is a blog post that covers much of the same ground my own blog has addressed:

(Link): Valentines Day, the Church and Single Awareness Day? by J. Storment (on Jesus Creed blog)

Excerpts:

So unfortunately this year Valentine’s Day falls on a Sunday.

I say unfortunately because in most of the churches I’ve seen in life make a really big deal about marriage and families and romance and kids and happily ever after, and rightfully so. Those are good gifts from God in many people’s lives.

vDayImage

But what is so unfortunate about Feb 14th falling on a Sunday this year, is that many (most) churches have gone beyond celebrating marriage and family.

For the past several decades we’ve all but idolized it.

… Stanley Hauerwas points out that when Christianity first was introduced to the pagan world it changed the way they viewed marriage because it de-idolized it. After all, there was no more radical act in that day than to live a life without producing heirs.

Continue reading “❤ Valentine’s Day, the Church and Single Awareness Day? by J. Storment”

Some Lady Tells Singles Not To Feel Sad on Valentine’s Day

Some Lady Tells Singles Not To Feel Sad on Valentine’s Day

This is sort of like my last post,
(Link): Insensitive Valentine Meme – you can’t feel sad about being single if your parents are still living

From Jezebel:
(Link): Instead of Getting Sad on Valentine’s Day, Try Not Giving a Fuck

I’m not sure if the woman who wrote this is single or married.

The odd thing about this woman’s page is that while on the one hand she seems to try to be encouraging singles, it comes across as a form of “singles shaming” to me. Maybe that was not her intent, but that’s how it came across to me.

Here are a few excerpts:

    by M. Davies

  • So you’re spending Valentine’s Day alone and feeling sad about it. What do you do? Curl up on the couch and cry? Stare forlornly into the window of a restaurant packed with couples who are sharing the same long spaghetti noodle like the dogs in Lady and the Tramp? Well, knock it off, sister. You’re a grown-ass woman — W-O-M-Y-N — and it’s time that you figured out that Valentine’s Day only matters when you make it matter. SO STOP MAKING IT MATTER.
  • There was a time when I used to get really sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day. That time was high school, when I was too young and dumb to know better.
  • …But maybe your friends are different than mine and they do make you feel bad about being alone on Valentine’s Day. Well, I hate to break it to you, but you have some shitty friends. That or it’s projection on your part, in which case this probably goes deeper than Valentine’s Day and chances are you’ll be sad on February 15th, 16th and maybe even when you finally get a significant other because, guess what, they won’t solve all your problems either.

That lady’s “buck up, buckeroo about being single on Valentine’s Day” page read more like “shut up you whiny cry baby whiner.” If she was trying to encourage singles who are unhappy about being single, I’m guessing it had the opposite effect on most people who read that page.

Continue reading “Some Lady Tells Singles Not To Feel Sad on Valentine’s Day”

The Problem with Worshiping Romance (secular editorial by Matt Lewis)

The problem with worshiping romance (secular editorial by Matt Lewis)

(Link): The problem with worshiping romance

    Just what we need: Distorted expectations!

    by Matt K Lewis

    It’s time once again for that day of obligation foisted on us each year by the commercial racket known as the greeting card industry. Happy Valentine’s Day!

    Valentine’s Day somehow manages to turn voluntary acts of kindness and warmth into perfunctory gestures, and romantic candlelight dinners into onerous burdens — all in the name of “love” (read: commercialism).

    Now, if those were the only things I didn’t like about Valentine’s Day, I’d probably keep my grumpiness to myself. But this holiday also perpetuates bogus, unattainable notions about romance, love, marriage, and sex that has probably contributed more to our unhappiness (not to mention our divorce rates) than anything else.

    One such message goes like this: You need somebody else’s approval and acceptance to be a complete, fulfilled person.

    If Valentine’s Day isn’t the cause of this worldview, it most certainly has profited from peddling it. And while it’s hard to pinpoint exactly where this notion came from, the rise of popular music catering to teenagers is a fair, if surprising, place to assign the blame.

    Just as Valentine’s Day seems utterly harmless, much of the “wholesome” music we grew up listening to fostered this pernicious worldview.

    The Righteous Brothers, for example, sang: “Without you baby, what good am I?”

    (The answer, I suppose, is … not much.)

    “I could try to be big in the eyes of the world / what matters to me is what I could be to just one girl,” declared The Beach Boys.

    Anyone vaguely familiar with Christian theology and rhetoric will recognize the religious overtones. (We are advised to be in this world, but not of this world.) It’s not the “world” that Mike Love (no pun intended) needs the approval of. His salvation is found in “just one girl.”

    She completes him. Until she leaves. And then his world crumbles?

    Many people have an emotional longing. They feel empty. And the desire for affirmation from other people gives them hope. This sounds good, but it’s a trap.

    In his 1973 book The Denial of Death, cultural anthropologist Ernest Becker explained why we developed this modern notion, which he calls “the romantic solution.”

    In short, he argues it’s because we no longer look to God for our personal fulfillment. Instead, he says, “Modern man fulfills his urge to self expansion in the love object just as it was once fulfilled in God.”

    To be sure, compared to today’s coarse culture and music, it sounds absurd to criticize the sappy songs of the ’50s and ’60s. But the perpetuation of this romantic notion has arguably done more to pervert our understanding of the proper role of romantic relationships than almost anything else.

    Continue reading “The Problem with Worshiping Romance (secular editorial by Matt Lewis)”

Insensitive Valentine Meme – you can’t feel sad about being single if your parents are still living

Insensitive Valentine Meme

I’ve seen an insensitive Valentine meme go around this year, on several sites.

I didn’t save a copy of it, but it’s some text that says something like, “Single this year? Don’t have a Valentine? Well some people don’t have a Mom. Their Mom is dead. Some don’t have a Dad. Their dad is dead. So shut the fuck up about being alone on Valentine’s.”

Yeah, well, my dear mother has been dead a few years now, and I miss her terribly AND I am still single and would like marriage.

So, to whomever dreamed that meme up, be aware there are people seeing it who experienced both kinds of losses.

I can only guess that whomever dreamed that meme up recently lost a parent (or both), and I know that hurts like hell if you were close to either or both, but it’s not cool to bash people who hurt for being single.

Again, my mother is dead, and it was a painful experience for me to endure, harder than anything I’ve ever dealt with, but if you are reading this and both your parents are still alive, but you hurt because you are alone and would like to be married and Valentine’s Day bummed you out – you wish you had a Valentine but do not – you have my sympathy. And I mean that, that is not sarcasm. I am sorry you are single on Valentine’s Day and found it a difficult day to get through.

I think it’s pretty lousy for someone with a dead parent to chide someone else who has living parents, “you can’t be sad about being single since you still have your parents.”

Sorry, no.

That was like after my mother died, some Christians I ran into would do the same thing, and it was just as bad; they would say things like, “You actually have it pretty good. Your Mom may be dead, but at least you’re not an orphan in Africa.”

As if that made the pain over my Mom being gone any easier to bear? It didn’t. It was insulting.

I realize if your parent recently died and you hear people complain about being single on Valentine’s it can sound moronic… it does sound trivial, doesn’t it? You are missing your loved one who is never coming back, but some single guy or lady you know is crying or complaining because they don’t have a sweetie to bring them a box of chocolates or out on a dinner date. I get it.

Shortly after my mother died, I had one friend who kept bitching and literally crying over stupid stuff like her cell phone battery died, her Play Station unit broke, and another friend would complain over trivial things, like her cat kept puking up hair balls on her carpet. Yes, those sorts of issues did sound pretty trivial compared to my loss. So I do get it.

On the other hand… Don’t tell people they don’t have a right to their pain or grief just because it’s not identical to yours. Some singles, if they’re about 35 or older, may be experiencing Valentine’s Day a lot like death.

Once you get to your mid or late 30s and you’re still not married, it can be crushing. You had really hoped to marry. Your expectation of not being married yet can feel very similar to loss, like loss of a loved one. You may go through a mourning process that is similar… it may take a few years to come to terms with still being single.

So I would not so easily brush off or dismiss every single’s tears shed on Valentine’s over being single. It’s actually rather cruel to tell singles who are having a struggle over being single to just STFU.

I don’t know. It just seemed kind of shitty, rude, and insensitive to me that someone would make a meme saying, “Hey, one of my parents is dead, so nobody else has a right to cry or be sad about anything else!” type thing.
———————–
Related post:

❤ (Link): Men Care More About Valentine’s Day Than Women, Says (2019) Survey by Z. Gervis

(Link): Preacher John Hagee’s Insensitive “GET OVER IT” Sermon – Christians remain ignorant and insensitive to those who suffer tragedy, pain, or mental health problems

Chinese Singles Buy Movie Tickets So Couples Can’t Sit Together on Valentine’s Day

Chinese Singles Buy Movie Tickets So Couples Can’t Sit Together on Valentine’s Day

I love it. I approve. 😆

(Link): ‘Computer nerd’ who split from his girlfriend last year buys up every other ticket at cinema to stop couples sitting next to each other on Valentine’s Day screenings

(Link): China’s Growing Single Population Rebels Against Valentine’s Day

(Link): Jaded Singles Play Valentine’s Day Prank at Chinese Cinema

(Link): Chinese Singles Buy Movie Tickets So Couples Can’t Sit Together on Valentine’s Day

Excerpts:

    Take that, love

By Emily Rauhala
Feb. 14, 2014

  • Bless them. Bless their cold, dark hearts.
  • In what might be the greatest-ever Valentine’s Day prank, a group of Shanghai singles purchased every odd-numbered seat for a Feb. 14 showing of Beijing Love Story. Their sole purpose: disrupting lovey-dovey dates. “Want to see a movie on Valentine’s Day?” asks a message posted by an organizer. “Sorry, you’ll have to sit separately. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
  • Tell that to the millions of Chinese who will be spending the day in the absence of a date. With a population of 1.3 billion, China naturally has hefty share of the world’s singletons.
  • This is compounded by a dramatic gender imbalance.
  • Thanks to the one-child policy and preference for sons, there are an estimated 34 million ‘surplus men’ in China — a whole lot of lonely hearts.
  • Luckily, the country’s unattached have a history of being awesome; they’ve even got their own day. Since the 1990s, Nov. 11 has been celebrated as Singles Day. It was picked because the numerals — 11/11 — are said to look like ‘bare branches,’ a Chinese term for bachelors. It started as an occasion to get together for a meal, but has since morphed into a multi-billion dollar orgy of online shopping.

————————–
Related post:

(Link): Valentine’s Day / Singles Appreciation Day For Never Married People and Other Singles 2014

(Link): Bizarre Chinese dating advert urges single girls to marry to ‘please your family’

(Link):  A Valentine for the Single Christian by K L Bishop

Preacher Matthew Hagee Insults Singles on Valentine’s Day

Preacher Matthew Hagee Insults Singles on Valentine’s Day

Maybe a certain someone saw my previous post, (Link): ‘God’s Purpose for Women,’ by Matthew Hagee (sermon from 2010) – Hagee Teaches that Single Unmarried Women Do Not Have a Purpose in Life God has no purpose for singles, because this doofus (M. Hagee) actually discusses singles in today’s televised sermon, which is 30 minutes long, and I don’t mean he discusses singles in an encouraging, loving way.

Normally when I critique a sermon, I listen to either all of it, or at least ten to twenty minutes of it. I don’t have the fortitude to do that today.

I just saw a 2 or 3 minute introduction to a sermon by Matthew Hagee (son of blowhard preacher John Hagee) called “Who Do You Love,” where a few high lights from the sermon were shown.

I would assume that eventually this sermon will be made available on this You Tube channel:
(Link): John Hagee Ministries video channel
Or, you might be able to find the sermon on (Link): iTBN.

edit. The sermon may be available from iTBN here:
(Link): Who Do You Love, a sermon by Matthew Hagee where he insults adult single Christians, aired Valentine’s Day (Feb 14) 2014

In the introduction I saw, Hagee did a disrespectful impression, a mocking tone, of what he imagines a single, Christian woman who is praying to God for a spouse might sound like:
“Oh Lord, when will you send me a perfect Mr. Right,” and he replied (doing an impression of God), “Why would I send him to YOU for you to mess up? You are going to ruin him.”

Hagee then did a reverse situation, where he did his impression of what he thinks an unmarried man might sound like in prayer to God for a spouse. Yes, it was also disrespectful.

Hagee also made the comments, “So you say you are single. Well, let me ask you something: How can God answer your prayer until you become someone’s answer to prayer?”

I’m not even going to bother listening to the rest of the sermon, because I doubt it’s any better than those first 2, 3 minutes of the intro.

Just those two minutes are filled not only with derision for singles who desire marriage, but also with some incorrect theology.

Some Christians assume if you are 25, 35, 45 years old, or older, and still single, it must be your fault.

The ladies who are over 25 and 30 who are still single get told often that they are “too picky.” This view, as I saw from the brief video clips, seems implicit in Hagees’ outlook about single women.

Let me just stop you right there.

Okay Matthew Hagee, assuming you have a daughter (pretend that you do if you do not).

If your daughter is still single at 35 years of age, and she desires marriage, would you honestly tell your OWN daughter to “settle,” to marry the 567 pound slobby, abusive, stupid, unemployed man?

No, you probably would not.

Would you seriously tell your own daughter to marry any guy who comes along, even if there is no attraction, or he mistreats her, or she doesn’t feel in love with him, or what have you?

You probably would not, no.

Yet you feel just fine implying these very things on a stage in a church full of people during a service that is being broadcast to millions in the United States and around the world.

Why do you believe that your hypothetical daughter is more worthy of respect than myself or other single women who are not your daughters?

Another mentality that some Christians have is that God is keeping you single until he can “clean you up” or fix you in some way. No where does the Bible teach that God has to take you through your paces, perfect you, or make you be good enough, before he will “reward” you with a spouse.

The Bible does not teach that a person has to “earn” a spouse.

The Bible contains examples of people who stole spouses (David and Bathsheba).

The Bible also has examples of complete idiots who got great spouses (Nabal was the idiot, Abigail his wife, you can read more about them (Link): here. An excerpt from that Bible passage reads: “His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly and mean in his dealings—he was a Calebite.”).

As a matter of fact, go to my thread at this blog, (Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread), to see numerous news stories of Christian married couples who are ungodly, immature, selfish, or abusive. Some married Christians have been thrown in jail for rape, theft, drug abuse, or murder.

If God required everyone to be totally holy and pure before sending people spouses, and forced everyone to get all their personal sins and characters flaws in check before permitting them to marry, how does one account for all the Christian husbands who are pornography addicts, child sex abusers, drug addicts, and wife beaters?

Stop holding out a husband or wife as a reward to good Christians who get their ducks lined up in a row.

I’m still a virgin in my forties, and God never did reward me with a husband for sexually abstaining this long, and I am not fat and ugly – I was engaged for several years.

Non Christian and Christian men have flirted with me, asked me out on dates, have seen my photo at friend’s homes and asked friends if they could be fixed up with me on dates, etc.

That this Hagee person (who is married himself with a kid or two) would choose to mock, ridicule, and bash single adults on a sermon that aired on Valentine’s Day of all days is reprehensible and shows a total lack of compassion and understanding for what it’s like to be a single past one’s late twenties.

It’s no wonder churches are losing members, they keep bashing (when not ignoring) 44% of the American population (i.e., adult singles).

And again, many resources I have seen point out that for every Christian adult man, there are three, adult, unmarried Christian women.

Meaning, not all Christian women who want a Christian spouse can even get one, leaving them to stay single, or marry outside the Christian faith. Do Hagee and jerks like him who bash singles from the pulpit ever mention these facts? Nope.

It’s just rudely assumed by these anti-singles preachers that single women over 30, 40 years of age are single because they are too picky, fat, flawed, are feminist man-haters, or are messed up in some way. That American demographics are not in favor of American single women who desire marriage are never mentioned.

By the way, marriage does not happen just because you want it enough, see this previous post:
(Link): Typical Incorrect Conservative Christian Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough, Mr. Right will magically appear

I have several other posts on my blog that refute some of these views by Hagee, such as:

——————

Related Posts:

(Link):  A Valentine for the Single Christian by K L Bishop

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

(Link): The Holy Spirit Sanctifies a Person Not A Spouse – Weekly Christian Marriage Advice Column Pokes Holes in Christian Stereotype that Marriage Automatically Sanctifies People

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link): How Not to Help All the Single Ladies (excellent article)

(Link): Unmarried / Single People Are Supposedly Bitter & Have Too Much Baggage – and that’s why you’re still single they say

(Link): List of Christian Singlehood Annoyances, Part 1 (includes cliches and platitudes)

(Link): Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault (editorial by a woman who refutes the idea that singles are to blame for being single)

(Link): Topics Preachers Should or Shouldn’t Mention When Discussing Singlehood

(Link): Isn’t It Time the Church Gave Singles a Break? (editorial from another blog)

(Link): Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Singlehood Singles Bias Prejudice Making Idol out of Marriage

You can dig around this blog to find many other posts like those, use the post tags, the search feature on the right hand side of the blog for that, or use the archive pull down menu and jump around at random.

Valentine’s Day / Singles Appreciation Day For Never Married People and Other Singles 2014

Valentine’s Day / Singles Appreciation Day For Never Married People and Other Singles 2014

Happy Valentine's Day from Forever Alone Meme Guy!
Happy Valentine’s Day from Forever Alone Meme Guy!

Valentine’s Day

It’s that time again! That time of year for Valentine’s Day related stuff! Or, “Singles Appreciation Day,” if you prefer.

(Link): Worst Valentine’s Day card ever is a hairy lip-curling 114-year-old monstrosity

      And now, 114 years after its debut, a museum believes it may be the worst Valentine’s Day card in history.
      Its caption reads: “For The New Woman! With St. Valentine’s Heartiest Greetings and Best Hopes that she will receive another (moustache) – With A Man Attached.”

The card, which dates from around 1900, has gone on display at York Castle Museum as part of its celebration of the most romantic day of the year.

(Link): Forget Valentine’s Day, it’s MISTRESS DAY today: On 13 February cheating men spend £200 more on illicit girlfriends than on wives

      By BIANCA LONDON
      PUBLISHED: 05:39 EST, 13 February 2014
      -Today is the day unfaithful men plan to see their mistresses
      -Around 35% will take her to the pub, while wives more likely to get dinner

    -Cheating men will spend under £100 on wives, but up to £300 on girlfriend

  • Loyal wives may be gearing up for a romantic evening tomorrow night, but it seems some of their husbands will be celebrating Valentine’s Day one night early… with another woman.
  • It doesn’t appear on the traditional family calendar, but 13 February has been branded Mistress Day for unfaithful British men and their partners in love crime.
  • New statistics reveal that 71 per cent of cheating husbands plan to see their mistresses on 13 February, leaving Valentine’s Day itself free for a date with their long-suffering wives.
  • … The survey of 3853 actively unfaithful men also shows that when it comes to Valentine’s gifts, wives lose out.
  • Of the men polled, 55 per cent plan to spend less than £100 on their wife, while 81 per cent will spend £100 to £300, or even more, on their mistress.

(Link): Hate Valentine’s Day? This one’s for you

(Link): Valentine’s Day: Love When You Are Feeling Blue

(Link): Why you should avoid Facebook on Valentine’s Day: Valentine’s Day on Facebook: The 6 types of status you can expect to see

(Link): Love stinks: The 10 best anti-Valentine’s films

(Link): The Truth About Being Single on Valentine’s Day

Excerpt:

9 p.m.:

    You’re in a sugar coma. You delete Instagram off your phone because you’ve seen too many couple-kissing selfies. Too many pictures of flowers. Too many hashtags that say #myboyfriendisthebest #hefinallyputaringonit #ilovevalentinesday

(Link): 10 Reasons to Celebrate Being Single on Valentine’s Day

Excerpt (totally agree with this one):

2. Being single is better than being in a sucky relationship.

    No matter who wielded the breakup hammer, hanging onto a bad relationship is never the better choice. By being out of a relationship, you’ve saved valuable time. Time you can now spend finding a much better mate.

(Link): World’s Worst Valentine’s Day Ad (as of January 2014)
(It involves a Valentine’s day themed advertisement for a feminine hygiene product)

Before you sit there and get all weepy because it’s Valentine’s and you’re all alone, just think of all the married people who just got divorced last month:

(Link): In January, ‘ex’ marks the spot

      By Sarah LeTrent, CNN
      updated 4:32 PM EST, Fri January 17, 2014

    (CNN) — There was that distant-feeling New Year’s kiss at midnight. Valentine’s Day, a holiday based on setting hearts aflutter, was full of awkward pauses and glances over soufflé at the person you used to love. Come March, it’s time to turn over a new leaf.

  • In recent years, January has earned the nickname “Divorce Month” — a less appealing title than National Pet Month (May) or National Honey Month (September), though divorce can surely be both hairy and sticky.
  • While marital psychologists and divorce lawyers say January’s more accurate description would be “I’m Starting to Research My Options Month,” they agree there is some accuracy in the nomenclature.
  • Perhaps the only thing worse than being single on February 14 when you want to be in a relationship is being in a relationship where your partner thinks a dinner at McDonald’s suffices as romantic (I will give this a pass, however, if it’s a situation where a parent is taking a kid out for the holiday, or something like that):

(Link): Some McDonald’s taking reservations, offering candlelight service for Valentine’s Day

(Link): ‘Lovin’ it’?: McDonald’s to host Valentines Day dinner complete with LED candles, roses, and reservations

(Link): Florida McDonald’s taking reservations for Valentine’s Day

    Two Tampa locations have started taking reservations for Valentine’s Day and they are pouring in.

  • “We have more reservations than we expected already, but we will make it work and keep everyone happy and smiling, because that is what we do best,” store manager Ernesto Izquierdo told WTSP. “And remember this does not have to be romantic, it could be a dad taking his daughter for Valentine’s Day Dinner, and it will be special if they share it with us.”
  • The fast food restaurants already have 25 reservations between the two of them.
  • …”We will have a section reserved for those Valentine’s Day diners and the tables will be decorated with table cloths, and flowers and hearts everywhere. The servers will be nicely dressed and take everyone’s order.”
  • The staff at the second location is also excited for the big day and they plan on decorating tables with flowers and champagne glasses.
  • Singles of America salute you, Sheriff!

(Link): Georgia sheriff cancels Valentine’s Day because of snow — and boredom

(Link): Georgia sheriff cancels Valentine’s Day due to weather

      By Alexis Stevens

    The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

  • “The Oconee County County Sheriff’s Office announces that Valentines Day has been CANCELLED from a line North of I-16 to the Georgia/Tennessee border,” Sheriff Scott Berry posted on the department’s Facebook page. “Men who live in the designated ‘NO VALENTINE’S DAY ZONE’ are exempt from having to run out and buy lottery scratchers and Hershey bars from the corner stores until February 18, 2014, due to ice, snow, freezing rain.”
  • Berry told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution late Wednesday that roads likely won’t be safe enough for travel Thursday as frozen precipitation continues to pile up.
  • “It’s going to be difficult to shop on the 13th, our traditional shopping day,” Berry said.

(Link): Valentine’s Day marketing: The good, the bad and the cringeworthy

(Link): 6 Ways for Singles to Have a Happy Valentine’s Day

(Link): Spotify Unveils Valentine’s Day Playlists for Soulmates and Singles

(Link): Love’s labor’s lost as snow buries Valentine’s Day

      Procrastinators may find that a snowy Valentine’s will put their plans on ice—or at least, result in one heck of a no-gift excuse.

    Florists and other retailers say they’re racing to execute contingency plans ahead of the snow and ice storm moving its way up the East Coast. Meteorologists have called the storm “catastrophic,” and expect it to trigger widespread power outages and dangerous travel conditions as it dumps ice and snow from Georgia to Maine through Friday—Valentine’s Day.

  • Translation: Plan for potentially delayed gift deliveries and reduced chances of making it out for last-minute shopping or a Valentine’s dinner. That could put a big dent in spending for the holiday, which the National Retail Federation had expected could top $17.3 billion.

(Link): What To Do For Valentine’s Day If You’re Single: 14 Places For Non-Couples

(Link): Not Looking Forward To Valentine’s Day, Ladies?

      The huge emphasis on Valentine’s Day love can feel so intense that not only do you feel lonely on this day, but you may also feel left out of something that seems to be universally happening for everyone else.
    When this happened to me, it really surprised me. After all, I was supposed to be one of those women who felt okay being single. I’m sure it’s no surprise that lots of men and women find Valentine’s Day one of the hardest days of the year to get through.

The 2013 Valentine’s Day post:

(Link): Valentine’s Day – this is for all the Unmarried People / Never Married / Singles

Plush Kitten Bouquets.

Plush Kitten Bouquet
Plush Kitten Bouquet
Happy Valentine's Day from Forever Alone Meme Guy!
Happy Valentine’s Day from Forever Alone Meme Guy!

Valentine’s Day

❤ ❤ ❤ Happy Valentine’s Day to all the Unmarried People out there! ❤ ❤ ❤
———————————–
Related links on this blog:

(Link): Some Lady Tells Singles Not To Feel Sad on Valentine’s Day

(Link): Insensitive Valentine Meme – you can’t feel sad about being single if your parents are still living

(Link):  A Valentine for the Single Christian by K L Bishop

(Link): Chinese Singles Buy Movie Tickets So Couples Can’t Sit Together on Valentine’s Day

Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

Single Adults Why They Stay and Why They Stray (from church) Book Excerpts

Note: several questionable people have roles in this book, in the form of editing, or as contributors, such as…

    – a gender complementarian, Wayne Grudem; gender complementarianism (Link):

is not biblical

    ;
    -neither is “biblical counseling,” yet Edward T. Welch, who is a “biblical counselor” also had some kind of role in this book,
    – C. J. Mahaney – accused of being involved in a ten year cover up of child sexual abuse at his churches,

so I offer this link with a caveat.

The author of the particular chapter I am quoting seems okay, and I don’t see too much that I disagree with in his chapter.

What is really funny is that this book (I’m not sure when it was published, I am just now finding it today), echoes many of the things I’ve said on this blog before.

Edit: this book was published in 2003, but this is the first I am seeing it, or reading excerpts from it. It is incredible how the author noticed most of the same disturbing anti-singles views and trends that I have in this blog the last three years.

As I am a NEVER MARRIED woman, I am not going to present the full section under “divorce” in the chapter. You can visit the link to read it if you want.

The following is available for free on Google Books (this particular book is entitled “Pastoral Leadership for Manhood and Womanhood”) :
(Link): Single Adults in Your Ministry: Why They Stay and Why They Stray
by Dick Purnell

    … Do you know how many single adults sit in your congregation each Sunday? Recently I was speaking in a church to three thousand people. I asked for all the people who were unmarried and twenty-two years old or older to stand up. Over a thousand people stood up! The audience was surprised and gasped at the large number…

Do you realize that the number of single adults in America exceeds the total national population of all but eleven of the world’s 192 nations? How shocked would you be to discover that the number of single parents is greater than the entire population of Colorado and Tennesse combined?

According to the 2000 U.S. census 40 percent of all adults eighteen and older (forty-eight million) are single. We are seeing a tremendous shift in American social values.

The median age of a first-time marriage is now twenty-five among women and twenty-seven among men. The fastest growing family type is single parents.

If your church is in an urban area, the percentage of single adults near you is much higher than a rural area. Singles gravitate to the cities for jobs, things to do, and others to meet. They are searching for connection and community.

They are often afraid of loneliness, commitment, and isolation. Most of those under thirty have never been married. The average age of a married person’s first divorce is thirty-four. That means after years of marriage, they are thrown back into the dating scene. They feel awkward and unprepared. They face the same relationship challenges that teens face, but they feel out of place.

One woman said to me, “I am now single, but I feel married. I don’t want to be single, but that was forced on me.” They have been out of the dating world for so long that they have very little idea what to do. And no one is helping them or even having a discussion about some of these issues.

Most singles are invisible to churches.

… They represent every economic stratum you can imagine – everything from presidents of major corporations to the unemployed and all in between. Fifty-three percent of all unchurched adults are single.

But our churches are built on a mind-set of marriage, and singles are often neglected. They are the “Great Invisible Mission Field.” However, businesses are very aware of singles. If you look at the advertising on television or in magazines, you will find that a huge number of ads are geared to attract single people.

Sports clothing, beer, cell phones, and a myriad of other products are marketed to singles. They have the largest amount of discretionary income. But the church in general has a difficult time attracting them and capturing their attention and commitment.

Many single adults believe that the church excludes and ignores them. They feel like the church is either neglecting them or is just not interested in them. So single adults vote with their feet. They come to church for a few months or years; but when their needs are not addressed or they never hear a sermon addressed to their unique issues, they fade away and go somewhere else – or stop going to church altogether. They hear sermons preached on topics such as “How to be a Godly Husband” or “Becoming a Godly Wife.” But they have never heard a sermon on “How to be a Godly Single Adult.”

… [Singles] don’t stay because there is no emotional glue to keep them there. They are not the “squeaky wheel” that is going to ask the pastor to give a sermon directed toward them or to pound on the door of the budget meeting pressuring for more funding. They just fade away.

Are you desperate to attract single adults to your ministry and get them involved? Here is my top ten list on “Why Single Adults Are Turned Off by the Church.”

Number 10: Frivolous jokes degrade the single lifestyle.
Grandparents, pastors, and married friends all have jokes about singles. All the married people laugh, but the single buries the snub under a weak smile.

I was single for forty-two years. When I served as an assistant pastor in my middle thirties, I heard lots of good-natured jokes, but often the ribbing was not funny to me. “Hey, are you afraid to take the responsibility for a mate?” Here I was in charge of several significant ministries in the church, and they tell me I’m afraid to take responsibility?

“Maybe you are just too picky. Are you looking for a perfect wife?” In other words, if you lower your standards you may get somebody.

“You’re not getting any younger, you know.” That was supposed to pressure me to get moving? Sometimes I would get the big one: “What are you waiting for?” Like I better hurry up before I miss the “right one.” But isn’t there a sovereign God? His timing may not be my timing – or the timing of the people who ask me to hurry up.

In trying to encourage me, people would give what I call romantic testimonies: “I finally gave everything to God, and six months later I found the right one.” But I was forty years old and had been a full-time minister for over fifteen years.

Was there something I had not given up to God that some married twenty-year-old ha already given up to God? All the marriage formulas that people give singles may be individual experience they had, but those formulas are not normative for all believers. Why should I seek the holy grail of marriage if God wants me to be content in every situation?

After four years as a pastor, I resigned from my church. Even though I was no longer was the pastor, I continued to attend the church. A single female friend of mine from Kansas came to our city one weekend to visit some of her college buddies. I brought her to the 11 A.M. church service. As we were walking down the aisle, an elderly usher led us to a front row for seating. The organ was softly playing and everybody was kind of quiet. When we stopped to turn into the row, he handed my friend a bulletin and said to me loudly so most of the people could hear, “Hey Dick, when are you going to marry her?” I wanted to die right there, but first I wanted to punch his lights out.

These kinds of jokes will not attract singles to your church! No way! They degrade single life as if the only bright future is for married people. That idea is not found in the Bible. Even the apostle Paul stated that an unmarried person can have undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Cor. 7:32-35). He did not consider singleness a joking matter.

Number 9: Church leadership is mainly interested in the interests and needs of married people.
The pastor and leaders are usually all married with very little significant empathy or understanding of the unique needs and concerns of single adults.

Single Christians are rarely eligible to be members of the governing board. There are very few single senior pastors. The silent criterion of marriage eliminates singles from serving in many aspects of the typical church. If you carry that to a logical conclusion, the Apostle Paul would not be qualified to be a pastor or elder. Even Timothy would be shut out of the opportunity for leadership.

After four years as an assistant pastor, I wanted to become a senior pastor. I had a total of fifteen years experience in the ministry and two Master’s degrees. However, when I sent in my resumes, not one church ever asked me to candidate, because I had to write on the front page of the resume my marital status: “Single.” Who wants a senior pastor who is single?

It was a bitter experience. I was unqualified to be a senior pastor of a church because I did not have the “Mrs.” degree. Many men graduating from seminary have tremendous pressure put on them. If they want to rise above the level of youth pastor, they must be married. Why is marriage the unspoken golden key that unlocks the door to pastor advancement?

Number 8: Budgeted funds for single ministry are usually inadequate or nonexistent.
Many churches don’t budge anything for singles. When the churches that have budgeted some funds for singles ministry must cut the budget somewhere, the singles ministry often is the one that gets the ax. “Singles are adults – they can handle it,” the budget committee says. But the message that gets across is, “You are not as important as other people in our church.”

… The message the singles hear is loud and cleaer: “You are the lowest on the totem pole. Your needs come last. You are not worth our paying a minister who can meet your needs.” Therefore, singles respond with their feet. They say, “I’m out of here.”

Number 7: Singles feel the church neglects them.
They feel like barnacles on the side of the church ship – there but forgotten. Marriage is espoused as the norm, and singles just don’t fit the model.

I have conducted over three hundred single adult conferences throughout America, Canada, and twelve other countries. Yet only nine senior pastors stopped by to observe and/or greet the crowd.

The even was in their church, in their building, and these are adults. I remember each of the nine because they are so rare….

Number 6: There is a perception that single adults are morally loose.

If a person is not married by mid-twenties, there is something wrong, it is generally thought. A particular church was in the process of trying to hire a youth pastor. Since they could not find one for over a year, they held a congregational meeting to explain the progress they were making. The elder in charge presented all kinds of reasons for the delay in locating the right person for the position. At the end of his explanation, I stopped up and asked, “Does the person you are looking for have to be married?”

You could have heard a pin drop on the carpet. People gasped. It was the unthinkable question. The elder hemmed, and he hawed, and he slithered all over the platform. All I wanted was a yes or no. He was very obviously unnerved by my question. Finally some lady in the very back said, “What we need is a role model for the young girls. So I think he should be married.”

“You mean to tell me, in this entire congregation there is not one woman who’s a role model for the girls?” Silence.

“I tell you what I think the real reason is. You are afraid that a single pastor would be sexually frustrated and have sex with one of the teenage girls. Out of all the pastors I have known personally, four have had affairs and left the ministry in disgrace. Each of them was married. Almost all the other pastors I have read about in magazines and books who have committed adultery were married. True, married people do not have a corner on the market in becoming immoral. But you should not be prejudiced against a single adult simply because he is single.”

I tried to tell them that some of the best youth pastors in America are single. I wasn’t a very popular guy after that. The elders eventually hired a youth pastor. Yes, he was married.

Some churches won’t allow singles to teach Sunday school for fear these men and women will succumb to sexual temptation. That is unfounded fear. We all need the power of God to overcome temptation. Don’t single out single people as the most likely to succumb. That is unfair and inaccurate. Single adults want to be respected and trusted. Let them show by their faithfulness that they have a genuine relationship with God.

Number 5: Marriage is portrayed as normal for everybody.
If someone is not married by thirty something, there must be something wrong with him or her.
(please click on the “continue reading/ read more” link to see rest of the post. Thank you)

Continue reading “Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts”