President of Uganda Says Lesbianism Caused by Hetero Women Who Are Virgins / Celibate and Can’t Have or Haven’t Had Sex With Men

President of Uganda Says Lesbianism Caused by Hetero Women Who Are Virgins / Celibate and Can’t Have Sex With Men

No, this isn’t some prank. I’m not making it up. See
(Link): The Nutty President

    Jan 2014

    In 2009, American evangelical extremist Scott Lively spoke to the Ugandan parliament for hours about the “evils of homosexuality.” Weeks later, the anti-gay bill was introduced, which parliament passed less than a month ago.

    Last week, Uganda’s president Museveni wrote an eight-page letter to parliament, protesting this same anti-gay law. But hold your horses. Then his letter continues with an onslaught of stupidity:

    “Some lesbian women go into the practice because of ‘sexual starvation’ when they fail to get married.”

Hmm. I have not yet married, yet I remain hetero – and celibate.

Here is another link with the same quote:

(Link): Uganda leader wants law against ‘abnormal’ gays shelved

    BY ELIAS BIRYABAREMA
    KAMPALA Fri Jan 17, 2014 5:47pm GMT

    (Reuters) – The Ugandan president has said he wants an anti-gay bill shelved for further study but described gays as abnormal and said some lesbians may be victims of “sexual starvation”, according to a letter he sent to the speaker of parliament.

    Uganda’s parliament passed a law on December 20 that makes some homosexual acts punishable by life in prison and sent it to President Yoweri Museveni for signing. Under law, he has 30 days to sign a bill or return it to be amended or scrapped.

    …Museveni said he treated homosexuals as abnormal because “the normal person was created to be attracted to the opposite sex”. But he disagreed with jailing or killing gay people.

    “How about the women lesbians? Apart from the ones that are born abnormal and the ones that may become lesbian for mercenary reasons, there may be those that go into that practice because of sexual starvation when they fail to get married,” he said.

His view is similar to that of evangelicals, Baptists, and Reformed who believe that celibacy is IMPOSSIBLE for anyone over the age of 25 and/or unless God has “specially gifted” someone to be celibate – which is false. I still retain a libido (sexual drive) and attraction to men. Especially movie actor Hugh Jackman. He’s so dreamy 😆 (Click here to see what I mean, don’t worry it’s a “G” rated photo, it’s at the bottom of the post).

I’m not sure what this guy’s religious beliefs are, this President of Uganda, but true to a lot of conservative Christians (and Non Christian conservatives), they tend to have this knee jerk reaction where they assume if you are a female who has not married by age X, you must be a hetero, man-hating feminist, or, you are a far left liberal lesbian, or God only knows what else (you have too much baggage to snare a man, are too fat, weird… the list of assumptions is about endless).

At the least the dude acknowledges that women have sex drives, because a lot of Christians assume women aren’t the least interested in sex at all and believe all they want to do is read romantic poetry and snuggle.

If Christians respected celibacy and adult singleness as much as they do marriage, maybe we would not see such ignorant views about adult singleness and celibacy. (See also: (Link): Singles Who Desire Marriage and 1 Corinthians 7 – but 1 Timothy 4:3 – Also: Singlehood and Messed Up Hermeneutics.)

Basically, what this Uganda president is doing is a form of what I call “Singles Shaming” or “Celibate/Virgin Shaming.” He clearly views adult singleness and/or celibacy as being abnormal or deviant or suspicious, when the Bible upholds both stations as being normal and acceptable.

At any rate, people do have some horribly strange, insulting, and inaccurate ideas about adult singles and adult celibacy.
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Related posts this blog:

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

This page also corrects false views about adult celibacy:
(Link): Preacher Mark Driscoll Basically Says No, Single Christian Males Cannot or Should Not Serve as Preachers / in Leadership Positions – Attempts to Justify Unbiblical, Anti Singleness Christian Bias

(Link): Is Celibacy a Sin? The NYT Has a View – by W. Mead

(Link): The New Homophiles: A Closer Look (article) Re: Christian Homosexual Celibates and Christian Homosexual Virgins

(Link): Stigmas and Stereotypes of Single Unmarried Men Over 25 or 30 Years of Age – They’re Supposedly All Homosexual or Pedophiles

(Link): Sex, Love & Celibacy by Christian Author Dan Navin

(Link): New website launched to help Christians experiencing same-sex attraction / Editorial about Celibacy by Ed Shaw

(Link): Gift of Singleness Gift of Celibacy Unbiblical – Those Terms and Teachings Contribute to Fornication / Editorial About Sex Surrogates

(Link): Singleness Is Not A Gift

Single Woman Photographer Opposes Societal Marital Pressure with Mannequin Family

Single Woman Photographer Opposes Societal Marital Pressure with Mannequin Family

(Link): ‘SPINSTER’ PHOTOGRAPHER POSES WITH MANNEQUIN FAMILY TO DEPICT THE AMERICAN DREAM

    “My name is Suzanne Heintz and I’m a photographer … and a spinster.” —Suzanne Heintz

Denver-based photographer and art director Suzanne Heintz was fed up with people asking her when she was going to get married.

From her mother’s direct plea, “Just pick somebody!” to others’ woeful sighs of pity, Heintz lived half her life wondering where she had gone wrong.

After years of struggling to politely answer the question, she decided to procure the house, husband, and offspring everyone so desperately felt was the pathway to happiness.

Purchasing a pair of second-hand mannequins, Heintz set about playing house to achieve the American Dream.

From a Parisian holiday to Christmas cards of wildly escalating happiness, Life Once Removed is a sharp, witty critique on the archaic expectations of domestic bliss and fulfillment.

Describe the ‘perfect life’ that is expected of every woman.

“This is a weird time in women’s history. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pleased as punch that I was born when I was. I’ve got more choices and opportunities than any generation of women before me, but our roles have never been more complicated by deeply ingrained mixed messages from both previous and present generations.

“The term ‘perfect’ is no longer used to describe what we’re all striving to be. Now it is called ‘fulfilled.’ But for women, the path to fulfillment is not through one thing, it’s all things—education, career, home, family, accomplishment, enlightenment. If any one of those things is left out, it’s often perceived that there’s something wrong with your life. We are somehow never enough just as we are. We are constantly set up by our expectations to feel as though we are missing something.

“In my case, it seems I was missing the family component, and was suspect for that gap in my resumé as a successful woman. I thought it was high time to call this nonsense out publicly, because this notion is not just about me, nor only about women in regards to marriage. It’s about anyone whose life doesn’t look the way it ‘should.’

“I’m simply trying to get people to open up their minds and quit clinging to antiquated notions of what a successful life looks like. I want people to lighten up on each other and themselves, and embrace their lives for who it has made them, with or without the Mrs., PhD. or Esq. attached.”

You have taken grand measures to actually enact these family rituals of home, holidays, and vacation. Why was the physicality of the work significant?

“This is why I’ve never used a model for the wife and mother role. It is a self portrait. I personally had to act it out to make the point. I had to physically demonstrate ‘going through the motions.’ If I had married because it was ‘time,’ I’d be living by rote, not choice. That’s exactly what I’m criticizing—acting out a life based on outdated expectations. I construct these artificial scenes of real life to ask, ‘What’s more important? That I’m happy, or that the open position of husband and father is filled in my life?’

“Now in regards to the physical difficulty of transporting and shooting uncooperative fiberglass quadriplegics—why would I put myself through this? It’s because the struggle is what tells you that the message is important. We are all overwhelmed by a flood of insignificant messaging. A message of any significance requires a great effort to be heard.

This monumental effort I’ve made is absurd, but it reflects my point. Going through life by rote or spending it feeling as though you did it wrong, are lacking, or not living up to expectations—that’s what is truly an absurd waste of time.”

(Link): Single Woman Opposes Societal Marital Pressure with Mannequin Family

    Posted by Pinar on February 12, 2014 at 10:00am

Life Once Removed is a whimsical yet thought-provoking portrait series by photographer and self-described spinster Suzanne Heintz that explores the societal expectancy of women to get married and start a family. The photographer places herself in front of the camera with a set of mannequins, posing as though they’re a nuclear, all-American family from a postcard or perhaps a 1950s sitcom.

Heintz originally embarked on this project because, she says, “I got really sick and tired of answering the question, ‘Why aren’t you married?’ over and over again. Like my life was behind schedule or there was something seriously wrong with me. Like I wasn’t living up to expectations.” Therefore, she intended to create her own husband and child. Throughout the series, Heintz wears her toothy smile as she goes sightseeing with her plastic family.

Continue reading “Single Woman Photographer Opposes Societal Marital Pressure with Mannequin Family”

Links About Sex Week / Male Modesty & Male Shaming / Online Dating Scammers / Female Sexuality / Rampant Pre Marital Sex Among Christians / Single Christian Women Feel Pressured to Fornicate In Dating / other topics (Link Dump)

Reports About Sex Week / Male Modesty / Online Dating Scammers / Rampant Pre Marital Sex Among Christians / Single Christian Women Feel Pressured to Fornicate In Dating / other topics (Link Dump)

I do not have the patience to make separate posts out of each link / story / topic below, so here is another link dump, with links to lots of different sex, infertility, marriage, online dating, purity, and whatever, editorials and stories.

I’m not necessarily in agreement with any or all of the views expressed in any of these pages. I post them only because they touch on topics I regularly discuss on this blog.

Some of these links from The Christian Post I present below are from the last two to three weeks, but they cover topics I already discussed here on this blog weeks before (CP authors are sometimes weeks or a couple of months behind material I post to this blog first).

Sometimes, The Christian Post quotes people I don’t agree with about everything, such as Mark Regnerus – see this link and this link for more about that.

Regnerus pushes for early marriage and seems to engage in a bit of singles-shaming (blaming singles who want marriage for being single, for not being able to find a partner), which is wrong. You can see the links above for more about that.

About me covering stories before The Christian Post does.

Take this first link of their below as an example – not only did I cover this story first (on Jan 28, 2014 here, this link, but also on Feb 8, 2014, see this link), but also some of the web sites the author references in his series (which makes me wonder if he’s been to my blog and is copying my material):

(Link): Christian Dating Culture (Part 1): Majority of Christian Singles Reject Idea of Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex

Excerpts:

    • BY MORGAN LEE, CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER

February 12, 2014

Survey Reveals That 61% of Christian Singles Are Willing to Have Casual Sex

A majority of single Christians are rejecting biblical doctrine by choosing to have sex before they are married. Sixty-one percent of self-identified Christian singles who answered a recent ChristianMingle survey said they are willing to have casual sex without being in love, while only 11 percent said they are waiting to have sex until they are married.

…But despite this realization, after Lindsey moved to New York, she did not abide by this new sexual ethic. Instead, she entered and exited relationships frequently, often sleeping with the men she was dating.

“Even though I knew it was wrong, I continued to have sex outside of marriage,” Lindsey told The Christian Post. “Why? Because when you’re single you don’t want to be lonely.”

“I was the girl that broke up with one boyfriend and had another one on speed-dial—that afternoon I’d already be going out with somebody else. I kept a boyfriend because I liked the attention,” she continued.

For Lindsey, her behavior was not simply a result of her conforming to the sexual values of her non-Christian peers. Instead, she had friends from church with similar sexual ethics and even dated and became sexually involved with a man who was serving at the same church that she was.

“We all went to the church. We were hypocrites. We said we loved the Lord but we ignored the scriptures that said that fornication is a sin,” said Lindsey.

Lindsey eventually cut off all people that had been a part of that lifestyle. Several years ago she got married and moved to Atlanta, where, now 31, she is the founder and CEO of Pinky Promise, an organization that encourages single and married women to “rise above cultural pressures and to “stay determined to live for Christ regardless of their circumstances.”

So she’s a fornicator being used as an example of sexual purity now? LOL.

Why do Christians do this? You have actual, honest- to- God virgins who are over 30 and 40 years of age, but Christians rarely if ever seek them out for inspiration or interviews. Instead, they seek out people who engaged in fornication constantly, and ask them to serve as role models about sexual purity.

This odd situation is a topic I have addressed in older posts, including this link (“born again virgins”), this link, this link, or this link, How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity).

(Link): Christian Dating Culture (Part 2): Does Church Attendance Impact How Often You Have Sex?

Excerpts:

    • BY MORGAN LEE, CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
    February 13, 2014

Christians who attend church and read the Bible at least three times a week are less likely to have sex outside of marriage than those who do not engage in those religious practices.

In a 2012 study of Millenial Christians by the National Association of Evangelicals and Grey Matter Research, only respondents who attended worship services at least once a month were considered. Of the 1,007 polled by NEA and GMR, only 44 percent of unmarried Evangelicals ages 18-29 had had sex.

In contrast, in a ChristianMingle study released in January, only 50 percent of female Christians and 39 percent of Christian males said that they went to church at least once a month. Of the 716 Christians surveyed, 90 percent of them said they would be comfortable with premarital sex and 61 percent without any strings attached.

… Mark Regenerus, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin, concurred with the findings of this research.

“When you see greater religiosity, you’re more apt to have measured at the same time a more pronounced awareness of the sexual norms of Orthodox Christian communities and a person’s willingness to abide by them,” he told The Christian Post in an email.

Regenerus also pointed to the lack of institutions also promoting the church’s ethic of abstinence as one reason for the high numbers.

“It’s certainly true that unmarried Christian adults are more ‘at risk’ on sexual matters (attitudes, behaviors), because there are now few (and maybe no other) institutions that reinforce Christian sexual ideals today. And there are more unmarried Christian adults too. So it’s a recipe for some cultural clash over sex, for sure,” he wrote.

Daniel Weiss, the founder and president of The Brushfires Foundation, whose organization exists to help “people discover and live out God”s design for sexuality and relationships,” said that the Church must wake up to the fact that it is not the primary influencer of many Christian young people’s sexual ethics.

(Link): Christian Dating Culture (Part 3): Women Struggle in Dating Scene That Expects Openness to Premarital Sex

Excerpts:

    • BY MORGAN LEE, CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
    February 14, 2014

Evidence suggests that Christians are increasingly tolerant of casual sex, but what does the dating scene look like for those who are choosing not to engage in premarital sex?

A ChristianMingle poll released last month suggests that Christians are increasingly open to having sex outside of marriage. Sixty-one percent of the 716 Christians surveyed said they would be willing to have sex without any strings attached. Only 11 percent indicated they would be willing to wait until marriage.

To get a sense of what the dating landscape looks like for Christian women who are unwilling to treat sex casually, The Christian Post talked with three women who shared how they feel their moral convictions are treated by men and the culture at large.

Sexual ethics of Christian men

Several years ago Lisa Anderson signed up for online dating.

Anderson, 42, who heads Boundless, Focus on the Family’s ministry to singles and young adults, and is single herself (“I am the true 40-year-old virgin” she laughs,) decided to be upfront with potential boyfriends about where her sexual ethics lay.

“As I got to know these guys, I think they sensed pretty early on that I was not going to go there, so I think that that probably ended it. It was never a situation where we’re together and that’s going to go too far so I stopped it,” Anderson told CP.

Yet she was surprised that many of the Christian men on online dating sites openly admitted that they expected sex in a relationship.

Continue reading “Links About Sex Week / Male Modesty & Male Shaming / Online Dating Scammers / Female Sexuality / Rampant Pre Marital Sex Among Christians / Single Christian Women Feel Pressured to Fornicate In Dating / other topics (Link Dump)”

Some Lady Tells Singles Not To Feel Sad on Valentine’s Day

Some Lady Tells Singles Not To Feel Sad on Valentine’s Day

This is sort of like my last post,
(Link): Insensitive Valentine Meme – you can’t feel sad about being single if your parents are still living

From Jezebel:
(Link): Instead of Getting Sad on Valentine’s Day, Try Not Giving a Fuck

I’m not sure if the woman who wrote this is single or married.

The odd thing about this woman’s page is that while on the one hand she seems to try to be encouraging singles, it comes across as a form of “singles shaming” to me. Maybe that was not her intent, but that’s how it came across to me.

Here are a few excerpts:

    by M. Davies

  • So you’re spending Valentine’s Day alone and feeling sad about it. What do you do? Curl up on the couch and cry? Stare forlornly into the window of a restaurant packed with couples who are sharing the same long spaghetti noodle like the dogs in Lady and the Tramp? Well, knock it off, sister. You’re a grown-ass woman — W-O-M-Y-N — and it’s time that you figured out that Valentine’s Day only matters when you make it matter. SO STOP MAKING IT MATTER.
  • There was a time when I used to get really sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day. That time was high school, when I was too young and dumb to know better.
  • …But maybe your friends are different than mine and they do make you feel bad about being alone on Valentine’s Day. Well, I hate to break it to you, but you have some shitty friends. That or it’s projection on your part, in which case this probably goes deeper than Valentine’s Day and chances are you’ll be sad on February 15th, 16th and maybe even when you finally get a significant other because, guess what, they won’t solve all your problems either.

That lady’s “buck up, buckeroo about being single on Valentine’s Day” page read more like “shut up you whiny cry baby whiner.” If she was trying to encourage singles who are unhappy about being single, I’m guessing it had the opposite effect on most people who read that page.

Continue reading “Some Lady Tells Singles Not To Feel Sad on Valentine’s Day”

The Problem with Worshiping Romance (secular editorial by Matt Lewis)

The problem with worshiping romance (secular editorial by Matt Lewis)

(Link): The problem with worshiping romance

    Just what we need: Distorted expectations!

    by Matt K Lewis

    It’s time once again for that day of obligation foisted on us each year by the commercial racket known as the greeting card industry. Happy Valentine’s Day!

    Valentine’s Day somehow manages to turn voluntary acts of kindness and warmth into perfunctory gestures, and romantic candlelight dinners into onerous burdens — all in the name of “love” (read: commercialism).

    Now, if those were the only things I didn’t like about Valentine’s Day, I’d probably keep my grumpiness to myself. But this holiday also perpetuates bogus, unattainable notions about romance, love, marriage, and sex that has probably contributed more to our unhappiness (not to mention our divorce rates) than anything else.

    One such message goes like this: You need somebody else’s approval and acceptance to be a complete, fulfilled person.

    If Valentine’s Day isn’t the cause of this worldview, it most certainly has profited from peddling it. And while it’s hard to pinpoint exactly where this notion came from, the rise of popular music catering to teenagers is a fair, if surprising, place to assign the blame.

    Just as Valentine’s Day seems utterly harmless, much of the “wholesome” music we grew up listening to fostered this pernicious worldview.

    The Righteous Brothers, for example, sang: “Without you baby, what good am I?”

    (The answer, I suppose, is … not much.)

    “I could try to be big in the eyes of the world / what matters to me is what I could be to just one girl,” declared The Beach Boys.

    Anyone vaguely familiar with Christian theology and rhetoric will recognize the religious overtones. (We are advised to be in this world, but not of this world.) It’s not the “world” that Mike Love (no pun intended) needs the approval of. His salvation is found in “just one girl.”

    She completes him. Until she leaves. And then his world crumbles?

    Many people have an emotional longing. They feel empty. And the desire for affirmation from other people gives them hope. This sounds good, but it’s a trap.

    In his 1973 book The Denial of Death, cultural anthropologist Ernest Becker explained why we developed this modern notion, which he calls “the romantic solution.”

    In short, he argues it’s because we no longer look to God for our personal fulfillment. Instead, he says, “Modern man fulfills his urge to self expansion in the love object just as it was once fulfilled in God.”

    To be sure, compared to today’s coarse culture and music, it sounds absurd to criticize the sappy songs of the ’50s and ’60s. But the perpetuation of this romantic notion has arguably done more to pervert our understanding of the proper role of romantic relationships than almost anything else.

    Continue reading “The Problem with Worshiping Romance (secular editorial by Matt Lewis)”

Insensitive Valentine Meme – you can’t feel sad about being single if your parents are still living

Insensitive Valentine Meme

I’ve seen an insensitive Valentine meme go around this year, on several sites.

I didn’t save a copy of it, but it’s some text that says something like, “Single this year? Don’t have a Valentine? Well some people don’t have a Mom. Their Mom is dead. Some don’t have a Dad. Their dad is dead. So shut the fuck up about being alone on Valentine’s.”

Yeah, well, my dear mother has been dead a few years now, and I miss her terribly AND I am still single and would like marriage.

So, to whomever dreamed that meme up, be aware there are people seeing it who experienced both kinds of losses.

I can only guess that whomever dreamed that meme up recently lost a parent (or both), and I know that hurts like hell if you were close to either or both, but it’s not cool to bash people who hurt for being single.

Again, my mother is dead, and it was a painful experience for me to endure, harder than anything I’ve ever dealt with, but if you are reading this and both your parents are still alive, but you hurt because you are alone and would like to be married and Valentine’s Day bummed you out – you wish you had a Valentine but do not – you have my sympathy. And I mean that, that is not sarcasm. I am sorry you are single on Valentine’s Day and found it a difficult day to get through.

I think it’s pretty lousy for someone with a dead parent to chide someone else who has living parents, “you can’t be sad about being single since you still have your parents.”

Sorry, no.

That was like after my mother died, some Christians I ran into would do the same thing, and it was just as bad; they would say things like, “You actually have it pretty good. Your Mom may be dead, but at least you’re not an orphan in Africa.”

As if that made the pain over my Mom being gone any easier to bear? It didn’t. It was insulting.

I realize if your parent recently died and you hear people complain about being single on Valentine’s it can sound moronic… it does sound trivial, doesn’t it? You are missing your loved one who is never coming back, but some single guy or lady you know is crying or complaining because they don’t have a sweetie to bring them a box of chocolates or out on a dinner date. I get it.

Shortly after my mother died, I had one friend who kept bitching and literally crying over stupid stuff like her cell phone battery died, her Play Station unit broke, and another friend would complain over trivial things, like her cat kept puking up hair balls on her carpet. Yes, those sorts of issues did sound pretty trivial compared to my loss. So I do get it.

On the other hand… Don’t tell people they don’t have a right to their pain or grief just because it’s not identical to yours. Some singles, if they’re about 35 or older, may be experiencing Valentine’s Day a lot like death.

Once you get to your mid or late 30s and you’re still not married, it can be crushing. You had really hoped to marry. Your expectation of not being married yet can feel very similar to loss, like loss of a loved one. You may go through a mourning process that is similar… it may take a few years to come to terms with still being single.

So I would not so easily brush off or dismiss every single’s tears shed on Valentine’s over being single. It’s actually rather cruel to tell singles who are having a struggle over being single to just STFU.

I don’t know. It just seemed kind of shitty, rude, and insensitive to me that someone would make a meme saying, “Hey, one of my parents is dead, so nobody else has a right to cry or be sad about anything else!” type thing.
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Related post:

❤ (Link): Men Care More About Valentine’s Day Than Women, Says (2019) Survey by Z. Gervis

(Link): Preacher John Hagee’s Insensitive “GET OVER IT” Sermon – Christians remain ignorant and insensitive to those who suffer tragedy, pain, or mental health problems

Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate Shaming

Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate and Virgin Shaming

I don’t think these preachers who elevate marriage to an idol and who take pot shots at singleness understand that by doing so they are actually undermining a support of virginity and celibacy.

Think about it. I’m over 40 and still a virgin, because I was a Christian Good Girl who was taught sex prior to marriage is sinful. So here I am, still single. My Mr. Right never entered the picture. But I have been celibate this entire time. Every time a preacher slams singleness, he is in a round about way, slamming celibacy and chastity as well.

The preacher who condemns singlehood and who insists all Christians marry, is, in effect, saying God requires all people to be engaging in sexual intercourse (or other forms of sex), and that God rejects or hates celibacy.

To be single in a Christian worldview is to be celibate, or, to put it like this:
Single = Celibate

Every time a preacher “rips on” singleness (and in the sense that singleness is not as valid or good as is being married), he is in effect saying celibacy is unbiblical, shameful, or wrong. But the Bible teaches the opposite; it upholds and respects and expects celibacy.

According to this report (first spotted at SCCL group on Facebook), this church practices singles shaming:

(Link): The Vintage church in Raleigh attracts young college students, but does its anti-women stance collide with its public image?

Excerpts (emphasis added by me):

    by Jane Porter

 

    February 05, 2014

On any given Sunday, hundreds of hip 20- and 30-somethings flock to Vintage church in Raleigh, swaying to Christian-rock music, their hands raised in worship.

The church describes itself as a “beautiful mix of downtown Raleigh-ites, families, college students, and empty nesters.” With 800 to 1,000 people attending its services each week, the church has outgrown its current downtown location on West Street.

… But contrary to the youthful, inclusive image that Vintage presents, its rigid theological views most closely resemble those of the conservative Southern Baptist Convention. Vintage belongs to the Acts 29 Network, a vast evangelical church-planting endeavor founded by conservative Seattle pastor Mark Driscoll. Raleigh, in particular, has become a hotspot for Acts 29 churches. There are 16 Acts 29 churches in North Carolina, with five in Raleigh alone.

.. A former Vintage member named Laura agreed.

“They’re fundamentalists in hipsters’ clothing.”

Sarah McCoy left Vintage in 2010. Now an associate pastor at Love Wins ministries, she couldn’t accept Vintage’s views on women.

“It became clear to me they did not honor my personhood in the same way they honored the male leadership,” she said. “The work we do [at Love Wins] is all about people being equal in the eyes of the world and of God. I believe we are all fundamentally the same, no matter the gender.”

… Strangely, the Acts 29 organizations are not up front about this aspect of their structure. There is nothing about Vintage’s refusal to ordain women on the church’s website.

…”Their most consistent messaging to men is that they are re-masculinizing the church,” Hall said. “It’s been feminized and we need to re-masculinize Christianity. If young people stay a part of those churches, we will have a significant segment of that generation being very gender conservative on the natural hierarchy between men and women.”

“It was communicated to us in sermons,” Laura, a former Vintage member, said. “Pastors would talk about women, almost on it being a level of sin for a mother to work outside the home and it was a sin on the husband’s part because he wasn’t providing for the family.”

McCoy said she also experienced “single-shaming” for being unmarried.

“It’s one thing to say we as humans are meant for relationships,” McCoy said, “but when you’re made to feel like you’re doing something wrong by being single, that’s taking it to another extreme.”

Another former congregant who asked not to be named, remembered a sermon in which Pastor Jones said the most important thing a woman can do is be a wife and mother.

“A lot of women in the congregation were really hurt by that,” the former congregant said. “Many were single or divorced. That’s a pretty strong statement.”

She added that Vintage experienced a mass exodus in 2007 after it made its position on women clear. This was when the church began to move in a more fundamentalist direction.

Continue reading “Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate Shaming”

Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault

Please click the “more” link farther below to read the entire post.

I disagree with some of the positions of the “marriage mandate” crowd, including those of Debbie Maken, who wrote a book about the issue.

I intend on posting more content about the ‘marriage mandate’ perspective in the future but thought I’d start with excerpts from a good review of Maken’s book and view.

(Link): 30 and Single? It’s Your Own Fault [ by Camerin Courtney]

There are more unmarried people in our congregations than ever, and some say that’s just sinful.

From Ms. Courtney’s article:

By that October, they were engaged.

Following the path afforded by her ethnicity (she’s Indian), she [Debbie Maken] signed up with an Indian Christian Web agency to find a suitable suitor and, aided by her parents’ watchful care, started e-mailing a man in July 2001.

Now happily married and the mother of two young girls, Maken drew a map—in the form of her book, Getting Serious About Getting Married—to the Land of Marital Bliss. She hopes to prevent her daughters and countless single women across the country from having to experience any more “unnecessary protracted singleness.”

….In later chapters, she addresses the well-meaning advice handed to singles in Christian circles—such as “just wait on the Lord to bring a mate to you” or “Jesus is all you need”—and deftly explains some of the erroneous thinking and theology surrounding each.

At her best, in passages such as these, Maken gives platitude-battered single women needed permission to admit, “I’d like to get married, and that’s okay.”

Unfortunately, these bits of trend-spotting and balanced synthesis are drowning in a sea of shame and blame.

Maken seems to think a vast majority of singles view their solo status as a special gift from God (a stance I’ve seen in only a fraction of the thousands of e-mails I’ve received as a columnist for ChristianSinglesToday.com, a CT sister publication), a notion the very subtitle of the book urges them to reconsider.

Continue reading “Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault”