Love-Sick Teenager Who Won’t Take No For an Answer is Finally Shut Down by his Ex-Girlfriend’s FATHER in an Epic Text Exchange – Men of All Ages Need To Learn to Handle Rejection and to Respect Other People’s Boundaries in Dating

Love-Sick Teenager Who Won’t Take No For an Answer is Finally Shut Down by his Ex-Girlfriend’s FATHER in an Epic Text Exchange – Men of All Ages Need To Learn to Handle Rejection and to Respect Other People’s Boundaries in Dating

If there are any MEN reading this – especially men over the age of 21 – you need to realize that some of you are just as bad in your online behavior, especially on dating sites and apps, as this 15 year old kid is.

See how obnoxiously persistent this teen kid is, how he keeps dragging this exchange on and on with the teen girl’s father? This is how 90% of you men over the age of 21 behave towards grown women online, especially on dating sites.

You men refuse to take “no” from women for an answer, or to choose to view a woman turning you down as the ultimate insult.

You men take rejection by women far too personally, and send negative, nasty, insulting comments to some women, all for merely politely turning you down on a site, for refusing to give you their number, or going on a date with you.

Women you don’t know (single women) don’t owe you squat in life – women don’t owe you a smile, flirtation, chit chat, their phone numbers, sex, emotional support, or dates.

You will be turned down as you go through life by various women you flirt with or ask on dates – it’s a reality. Get over it. Learn to let go, accept defeat graciously, and stop taking it so damn personally.

Learn to respect other people’s boundaries. If a woman or girl tells you “no” or “not interested,” just let it go. Don’t send the girl or woman nasty, insulting messages if or when she turns you down. Just move along.

Continue reading “Love-Sick Teenager Who Won’t Take No For an Answer is Finally Shut Down by his Ex-Girlfriend’s FATHER in an Epic Text Exchange – Men of All Ages Need To Learn to Handle Rejection and to Respect Other People’s Boundaries in Dating”

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Romantic Comedies: When Stalking Has a Happy Ending (from The Atlantic) / Men Who Mistake Platonic Friendliness For Flirting – So Annoying

Romantic Comedies: When Stalking Has a Happy Ending (from The Atlantic)

Some people confuse what this article from The Atlantic terms “persistent pursuing” with courtship. That is, men do it all the time, and some women, due to Hollywood Rom Coms, have been conditioned to view this as normal, romantic behavior.

May I add another related issue: men who mistake platonic chit chat with flirting?

That drives me up the wall. It’s one reason I am usually loathe to enter into pleasantries with men I don’t know when I’m in stores or sitting around in waiting rooms, because many men mistake idle, polite banter for,

  • “Oooh, this lady is into me, she is warm for my form, she wants to marry me and make babies with me, I am one sexy beast, grrrrr.”

So these men ask for your phone number or they get all flirty back. And you, the woman, are like, “I did NOT send this dude any sexy signals, where is this coming from?”

No, dude, my romantic interest is only in your imagination. (Duran Duran (Link): sang of this very concept.)

Me saying stuff like, “Wow, some crazy weather we’ve been having lately, huh?” as we’re sitting in Wal-Mart’s auto care center waiting for our tires to be rotated is not me hitting on you.

Me hitting on you, men of the world, consists of me putting one hand behind my head, one hand on a jutted out hip, head tilted back, eyes narrowly parted, and me saying something (in a seductive sounding, cat like purr), like, “Hey there big boy, you come here all alone? Mama likes what she sees! May I have your phone number? Are you free for a date this Saturday?”

Think (Link): this.

Yes, (Link): this is what a woman who is flirting with you looks like, the facial expression and mannerisms.

About men who refuse to take “no” for an answer from a woman they are interested in, who confuse pursuing with stalking: other than entitlement, I wonder if what drives some of these men is a sense that they HATE to be alone and MUST have a romantic partner to “complete them.”

I know this sort of thinking is very common among a lot of women. I think secular society (and Christian culture) does try to convince people there is no way they can be whole and happy single. There is a lot of pressure on people to pair up and date or marry.

Culture (especially through movies and TV shows) and churches need to stop sending this bogus message that there is something wrong, flawed, or second class about being single as an adult.

There is no disgrace in being single. I understand if you are single and lonely and pine for a significant other how hard it can be at times, but you are okay on your own.

You are not some loser or in-complete if you don’t have a mate, contrary to the messages Christians and Hollywood like to send us all.

(Link):  Romantic Comedies: When Stalking Has a Happy Ending by Julie Beck

Excerpts:

  • Overly persistent pursuit is a staple of movie love stories, but a new study shows that it could normalize some troubling behaviors.
  • …Reasonable people know that rom-coms aren’t what love is really like, just as reasonable people know that porn is not what sex is really like. But these movies still create an image of romance that leaks into the atmosphere and may subtly shape people’s perceptions and expectations of love.
  •  One troubling way they may do that is by making stalking behaviors seem like a normal part of romance, according to (Link): a new study by Julia Lippman, a postdoctoral fellow in the department of communication studies at the University of Michigan.
  • …[Lipman says] “Indeed, they may be seen as reflecting one of the great cultural myths of romantic love: that no matter how big the obstacle, love will conquer all.”
  • The website TV Tropes, which tracks, wiki-style, frequently-used narrative devices—not just on TV, but in all kinds of fiction—has a page for this. It’s aptly titled (Link): “Stalking Is Love.”Lippman files stalking under the broader umbrella of “persistent pursuit,” which can also encompass “more benign and even positively regarded behaviors such as some types of romantic courtship,” she writes.

    Continue reading “Romantic Comedies: When Stalking Has a Happy Ending (from The Atlantic) / Men Who Mistake Platonic Friendliness For Flirting – So Annoying”

A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages

A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages 

Before we get to the post by J D Hall:

Background:

  • The Village Church (TVC) of Texas has placed Karen, who was once a member of theirs, under church discipline because she did not, according to them, abide by the church covenant she signed.
  • Instead of conferring with the church on what to do, Karen, on her own, sought an annulment from the state of Texas, once she discovered her then-spouse, Jordan, was a pedophile.
  • Karen said she spent about 50 days conferring with other Christians (not from the TVC), and in prayer, mulling over what to do, before seeking the annulment.
  • This action of hers has ticked off TVC leadership, because Karen did not get their permission to get the annulment.
  • Matt Chandler is the lead preacher of TVC.

You can read additional reporting of this situation here (additional material is at the bottom of this post):

Here is the page I am responding to:

(Link, off site): A Rational Response to the Criticism of Village Church  by  J D Hall, Pulpit and Pen blog

The covenant that Hall is so rigorously defending – TVC’s membership covenant – here does not even mention annulments.

As Karen explains (off site Link, Source):

  • …it is worth noting here that although The Village Church claims [in their e-mail] that “We see an annulment as a subcategory of what Scripture defines as a divorce in Mark 10:9” …, this cannot be found anywhere in their Membership Covenant or Bylaws.
  • In signing their Membership Covenant shortly after my 24th birthday, I had agreed to nothing in regards to the possibility of annulment should I come to realize that my marriage had been a complete sham from the beginning.
  • There is a vast difference between a divorce and a marriage that is voided on the grounds of fraud, and I had no way of knowing that the leadership of The Village Church would respond to it in this fashion.

Continue reading “A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages”

Single Woman Meets Stalker Guy at Church – letter to “Ask Amy” Advice Columnist

Single Woman Meets Stalker Guy at Church

Growing up, I heard from my Mom and Dad, who were both Christians, that church is the ideal place for a Christian, single gal to attend if she wants to meet a decent, single, Christian man – if her goal is to marry. Church was supposed to be the primary husband hunting ground for women. That may have been true in the 1950s, but no more.

For one thing, most churches lack single males past 30, and the few who do attend regularly, from what I’ve seen myself, and have read other women discuss online and in books of their church going experience, tend to be weird, terribly over-weight, have severe mental health issues, smell bad, etc. and so on.

The kind of men who do show up to church are often not date-able men.

The solution to how to attract more men to church has nothing to do with women, with what women do or do not do for men, single or married.

Women, single or married, do not owe adult, single, celibate or non-celibate men ego-stroking or emotional support for being celibate singles (see this post for more on that, and I may write another post on this topic in the future).

I do think the church as a whole – that is, church culture – needs to be affirming of lifelong or adult celibacy and singlehood overall, including everyone from the male pastor to the male deacons, elders, and women who teach Sunday School, because God knows they have made marriage, “the family,” and natalism into idols that they never shut up about, but to “single” the single women out for this purpose is sexist and odd.

Yes, really and truly, there are some self-identified adult, Christian, celibate single men who believe that male church attendance would sky rocket if only the mean, horrible, heartless, single adult women would pile on the affirmations to the single, celibate men and sing the praises of adult celibate men.

Oh please. You’re not five years old. Motivate yourself. Single, celibate adult women are not to blame for churches who ignore single, celibate men. Churches ignore both genders, not only the single men. They ignore single women too.

If you’re an adult over 25, stop demanding, like a petulant, whiny, demanding teenager, that adult, unmarried women stroke your ego for being celibate or single.

A lot of adult, single women are finding most churches irrelevant to their needs, so more and more adult single women are dropping out of church. I don’t see celibate, single men or churches in general making single, celibate women feel more welcome.

On the contrary, churches continue to marginalize single, celibate women by continually harping on how God’s only role for women is to marry and have babies.

Anyway. This single, 25 year old woman mentioned in the letter below that she met a single guy at church who is around 35 (I may have gotten his age wrong, I thought I saw the mom say he is ten years older than the daughter), and he turned out to be a stalker – and I have a few more comments to make below these letters:

  • DEAR AMY: My 25-year-old daughter briefly dated a man she met in church last December.
  • After one month, she ended the friendship (he was too emotionally needy).
  • He continues to pursue her by constant texting and e-mailing. She says he alternates between “saying mean things” and then apologizing and begging her to give him another chance.
  • She does not respond and blocked his phone, but he continues to text from different numbers. She does not reply to his e-mails. She moved to a different side of town, and so far he has not shown up at her work.
  • We’re very worried about this. What steps can she take to be safe and get this man to stop contacting her? Should her father confront him? So far we have not gotten involved.
  • — Very Worried
  • DEAR WORRIED: I shared your question with Michele Archer, an expert on stalking with the victim’s advocacy group Safe Horizon, (Link): safehorizon.org. Archer has some suggestions for your daughter: “Keep a stalking log of all incidents, including the date, time, location and a brief description of the incident. Save and print out the e-mails. Save all text messages and document them in the log.
  • “I would suggest not changing her e-mail address, but she may want to open another account and give that to people she trusts. Changing her e-mail address may escalate his behavior, and the e-mails he is sending become evidence of stalking, which she can use if she goes to the police.
  • “If she has concerns about him showing up at her work, she should let her place of employment know. If she has a photo of him (look on the Internet) she can make a color copy and give it to her workplace.
  • “If she uses any social networking sites, make them private and be mindful of what she posts.
  • “If this continues, she may want to contact police. The stalking log is useful for this, and she should also show them the text messages. She can also reach out to a domestic violence organization in her community for support or help advocating with the police (if needed) or the district attorney’s office.”
  • Archer adds, “I can’t comment on whether the father should confront him because I do not have enough information about the individual pursuing her. In general, this is not recommended.”
  • In addition to the above actions, I’d like to encourage your daughter not to let this isolate her. The more support she has from friends, colleagues, family members and local law enforcement, the more secure she will feel — and the more secure she will be.

Whether this guy the 25 year old woman met is a “true” Christian or not is beside the point. Only God can see into someone’s heart.

If a man is play acting and putting on all outward appearances of being an upstanding Christian – he’s in church weekly, reads his Bible regularly, doesn’t use vulgar language, etc, and so forth – a woman may very well assume that the guy is a “true” Christian.

If something looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, you’re going to feel safe assuming it’s a duck – only to find out later it’s a turkey in a duck costume.

This gets back to a point I’ve mentioned time and again on this blog: single, Christian ladies need to give up the “be equally yoked” evangelical understanding of marriage, where they feel confined to only marrying another Christian.

Other than the sheer fact that there are not enough Christian men for Christian women, a lot of the men who are Christians are pigs and dogs.

I’ve chronicled on this blog links to numerous stories about preachers and other Christians who have been arrested for wife beating, murdering their wife, owning or producing pedophile pornography, etc. (you can view examples in this thread and also do a search on this blog for the term “equally yoked”).

A man can believe in Jesus, confess Jesus is Lord, believe in the Bible, give money to charity, attend church weekly, and yet be a “slime ball” or an abuser.

Confession or actual possession of Christian faith is not a guarantee that the guy is going to treat you any better than the atheist down the street.

Just because you meet the guy in a church, and you see he’s there weekly, doesn’t mean he’s not a pervert or a nutso stalker guy. Just see the example above – the young lady met the guy at church, and he is at times hostile towards her in texts or at other times, too clingy. He’s stalking her. You can meet nuts and abusers in churches, too.

————————————

Related:

(Link):   Pedophiles Seeking Christian Wives in Churches – Another Reason to be Leery of the “Equally Yoked” Idea and Reconsider Church as a Place to Meet Singles

(Link): Older Pervy Dudes Hitting on Younger Women – and they  meet them at church

(Link): Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female?

(Link): Christian Husband Raped, Beat His Wife, Made Her Sign “Slave Contract” – Why Christian Single Women Should Not Date or Marry Christian Men