Ask E. Jean: My Husband Will Not Shower
So much for the conservative and Christian myth that marriage makes people more mature, godly, and responsible.
How do I get the guy to be more into hygiene? I’ve tried everything!
Ask E. Jean: My Husband Will Not Shower
So much for the conservative and Christian myth that marriage makes people more mature, godly, and responsible.
How do I get the guy to be more into hygiene? I’ve tried everything!
Man Accidentally Burns His Wife’s Face Off, So He Divorces Her
The way this article reads, this man accidentally lit his wife’s face on fire – the dumb ass used a can of gas to pour on some camp fire flames to reignite the fire – and after she was hospitalized and came out disfigured, he left her.
What a dick he is.
I’ve heard this is pretty common – that often, in a marriage, if the wife becomes sick in some way, say she gets cancer or what not – most men will divorce the wife.
Most men do not want to act as caretaker to a sick spouse, because unlike women, men are raised and coddled in our society to be selfish (they expect women to wait on them, and dog knows that complementarian Christians in particular really promote this sick teaching), where-as we ladies are raised from the time we are kids to always put ourselves last and to cater to the needs of others no matter what.
I wish this lady well. She seems like she is doing better now.
I don’t want Christians telling me any more – or members of conservative think tanks who publish “studies” on marriage – that marriage makes people or culture better – because it does not.
Marriage does not make people less selfish, more loving, or more responsible – it sure as hell did not cause the man in this story to stand by his wife, even after he set her on fire and she was in enormous physical pain (and I’d imagine mental pain as well) for weeks or months.
Anyway, if I am grasping this correctly, this douche nozzle dumped his wife because she was disfigured because he accidentally set her on fire. He left her over something he was responsible for doing, incredible.
by C Keating
It’s been almost three years since Courtney Waldon suffered third- and fourth-degree burns over her entire body from a campfire accident at her Georgia home. Now, she says, life couldn’t be better.
Unmarried and Childless Women Are the Happiest, Happiness Expert Claims
Behavioural scientist Paul Dolan says it’s time we reevaluated what success really means
Child-free women know that expecting something outside of yourself to bring happiness is a sure-fire way to end up disappointed
Problems With the Article ‘Tony Evans warns Satan attacking biblical manhood; society on ‘precipice’ of disaster’
Evans told CP that until manhood is properly defined, culture cannot be saved.
I am a (Link): former gender complementarian, so I understand the outlook of a Tony Evans and guys like him, and many of the assumptions that are made about culture and gender roles, but these are views that I no longer share.
Gender Role malarky aside, one of my biggest problems with the views of Tony Evans brought forth in this article is that he is of the mindset -like many Christians are- that culture can or should be saved.
He further thinks that teaching Christian gender roles is the way to go about it.
As I’ve stated many times previously in other posts, the Bible says that Jesus Christ alone saves, and he saves on the individual level.
He doesn’t save groups or cultures.
Widow Whose Husband Died Sues Over ‘Loss of Sex’
So, being married does not, contra conservative and Christian propaganda I heard often while growing up, guarantee an end to loneliness (if your spouse dies), and it does not guarantee hot, steady sex.
Jamie Finnegan was left brain-damaged and passed away in 2018 after a procedure at Brisbane Hospital went wrong six years ago
By Jenny Awford
THE widow of a husband who died after a botched medical treatment is suing the Australian government for £650,000 over a loss of sex.
Christian School Teacher Whose Spouse Caught Her in Bed With Teen Sentenced by J. Salo
Does marriage make people more sexually pure, godly, loving, mature, or ethical, as so many Christians and politically conservative talking heads claim?
No, it does not.
This is the 100th millionth example on this blog of a married person who committed a serious sin.
Marriage does not make people more mature, godly, responsible, or ethical; “the family” or “marriage” will not save or fix a society.
Is married Christian sex “mind blowing,” as so much Christian teaching regarding sexual behavior suggests? Apparently not, if Christian wives like this feel the need to have sexual relations with a teen. Her husband wasn’t quite doing it for her.
Does someone have to obtain a standard of moral perfection, or some other criteria, before God will grant that person a spouse, as so many blogs, articles, and sermons by Christians suggest? No, obviously not, otherwise, this woman, who ended up being a skanky pervert, would not have gotten married.
February 11, 2019
A former Christian school teacher whose husband caught her in bed with a student was sentenced to prison, according to officials.
Andrea Nicole Baber, who taught at Logos Christian Academy, was ordered Friday to serve 20 months in prison for having sex with a student in Springfield, Oregon, (Link): the Register-Guard reported.
The 30-year-old educator pleaded guilty last month to rape and contributing to the sexual delinquency of a minor.
‘I Almost Drove My Car Off A Bridge Because Of The Strain of Having a Family’
I’m not exactly anti-marriage or anti-family, but.
However. I am tired of how other conservatives or how 99% of Christians “hype” marriage, children, and “the family” to the point they act as though everyone should get married and have a kid, and if you do not, they suggest or state point blank, that you have failed culture and society, and you’re a big Loser. Christians especially behave as though getting married and having a kid is a commandment from God (it is not).
Being married and being a mother did not bring happiness to this lady.
And notice how this lady says that she and her husband didn’t have sex for a year.
I bring that up, because one teaching I heard or saw a lot in Christian sermons or books when I was a kid growing up is that if one remains a virgin until marriage, that God will reward you and your spouse with regular, “mind blowing” sex. The reality is, a person can remain chaste but then end up having lousy sex in marriage, or none at all.
Aimee and Davin Bradley, both 35, were at each other’s throats for the first three years of their daughter’s life
By Hayley Richardson
HAVING a baby can feel like the icing on the cake for some couples but for others the strain of starting a family can push them to breaking point.
Aimee and Davin Bradley, both 35, were at each other’s throats for the first three years of their daughter Autumn’s life and didn’t have sex for a year.
The “Parenting Happiness Gap” Is Real, New Research Confirms
By Jenny Anderson & Solana Pyne
June 16, 2016
It’s an almost immutable fact: Regardless of what country you live in, and what stage of life you might be at, having kids makes you significantly less happy compared to people who don’t have kids. It’s called the parenting happiness gap.
Yes, You Need to Prioritize Your Marriage Over Your Kids by V. Pelley
I’ve done one or two posts on this subject previously on this blog.
One reason I don’t want to date or marry men who have children from previous relationships is that they may put their kids before me.
Notice in the interview below how married couples are (Link): greedy, they’re self-involved: they even admit that the “lion’s share” of their time is devoted to their careers, next, their kids, and lastly, their romantic lives with their spouses.
This information flies in the face of warped, false, Christian teachings that married couples are more godly and giving than single adults.
Christians often wrongly and incorrectly portray single adults as being totally self-absorbed, sexually promiscuous people who are in a state of arrested development.
More than a few men joke that they fall third or fourth in their wives’ pecking order, after the kids and the dog.
But for a lot guys (and moms), it’s not really a joke. Many assume that’s the way it should be — after all, being a good parent means putting the kids’ needs first, no matter what.
And because in this day and age parents are expected to be more attentive and accommodating to children than ever before, that’s a pretty all-consuming job.
But many psychologists and relationship experts push back on that idea, arguing that your spouse should come before your children.
The theory is that without a strong marriage and loving home, kids won’t thrive, so you’re doing them a disservice by putting your spouse on the back burner, which can lead to marital trouble and even divorce.
The Green River Serial Killer and Necrophiliac Was A Christian Married Father
There was a television special on a few days ago about Gary Ridgway, who is the Green River serial killer.
Several aspects of this pervert’s life are relevant to subjects I discuss regularly on this blog, so keep on reading…
Ridgway had upwards of around 70 women victims, most in age of about 15 to their early 20s, though a few may have been around 12 or 13 years old.
Most of Ridgway’s victims were prostitutes, some were runaway kids.
Ridgway later admitted to authorities to occasionally going back and having sex with the dead bodies of his murder victims.
Here is how this pervert’s story is relevant to this blog:
Point 1. Marriage and Parenthood Do Not Make People Into Godly, Mature, Responsible Adults
I grew up in Southern Baptist churches. Both my parents were Southern Baptists.
Like many other conservative Christian groups, Southern Baptists peddle some untrue and un-biblical notions about marriage, natalism, and the family unit: they tend to assume and they will also sometimes teach, that marriage or parenthood are necessary to make a person fully adult, mature, godly, responsible, and ethical.
Christian Couple Dies in Helicopter Crash Hours After ‘Fairytale’ Wedding
Well, well, well.
Here’s another news story (I have a few more on this blog I made in months past) that demonstrate that getting married, as opposed to what many secular rom com movies teach, and opposed to what Christian teach, is not a guarantee of having a happily ever after.
I have other news stories on my blog (see links at the end of this post for those stories) of married couples who die within hours of getting married, and one news item about a newly wed couple who could not have sex after marrying because the wife has some sort of debilitating physical disease or issue that prohibits her from having sex.
by Leonard Blair, November 5, 2018
Less than two hours after getting married in a “fairytale wedding” on Saturday, a young Christian couple from Texas died after a helicopter they were traveling in crashed into the side of a hill on their family farm.
The One Thing Evangelical Leaders Don’t Want Christians to Know about Mixed-Faith Marriages (two links). by C. Cassidy
I do agree with the author that a lot of Christians demonize all atheists, which they should not do – but to be fair, many atheists I’ve run into online have been either unbearably smug or else they are out-right hostile to anyone who doesn’t share their particular take on theism or atheism.
I grew up in Southern Baptist Churches and was exposed to a lot of conservative Christian content around the home – Christian magazines, books, TV programs, and so on. Most of them went on and on about how sinful, unwise, or wrong it would be for a Christian to marry a Non-Christian, which they refer to as the “Equally Yoked” rule.
I used to be a believer in the “Equally Yoked” rule myself, until several years ago, when I began noticing several problems with it, one being there are more single Christian women then there are single Christian men, and, I’m all the time seeing news stories of Christian men who are jailed for child molesting, wife abuse, or what have you.
So, I realized it’s far more important to judge a man based on his actual actions and how he treats me (and treats other people) as opposed to what he claims to be his religious views.
At this stage of life, I’m more comfortable now with the idea of marrying a kind-hearted atheist man than a sexist or abusive Christian one.
Without further ado, here is the link with excerpts:
The follow up post to that:
[Summary: a Christian woman writes in for advice because her Christian husband of 20 years now says he’s an atheist. She’s not comfortable with his atheism but doesn’t want to divorce him]
…The idea of marrying a non-Christian is so far past unacceptable [to many Christians] that it veers into genuine revulsion and anathema.
I’ve got an old binder from a marriage seminar I attended at an SBC church in my mid-teens that painted non-believers as repulsive, ugly, dirty, unkempt people–in one illustration, a hobo-like non-believer is marrying a young woman in a perfect white bridal gown.
I’ve seen countless blog posts from Christian leaders openly wondering if non-Christians have the capacity to love at all, or can even conduct themselves in an honest and compassionate way.
Thoughts on the NRO Essay “Advice For Incels” by Kevin D. Williamson
About me and this blog:
If you are new to my blog: I have been a conservative my entire life. I’ve never voted Democrat. I was a Republican until a few years ago. I am no longer in any political party.
I sometimes critique secular, left wing feminists on my blog (such as but not limited to (Link): this post and (Link): this one), but there are times when I believe other conservatives get feminists wrong, and feminists are actually correct on some issues.
I was brought up in a traditional values, conservative, Christian family where my parents brought me to Southern Baptist churches as I was growing up, where I was taught to believe in gender complementarianism, which I did for many years, until I finally realized how (Link): wrong and sexist complementarianism is.
Because I grew up as a complementarian, I am quite familiar with what they think and why they think as they do.
My current religious beliefs are somewhat “up in the air,” as I am waffling between being agnostic, (or a deist), and the Christian faith. (Note: I am not an atheist.)
I am by no means anti- Nuclear Family, anti- motherhood, or anti- marriage, though I do posit that many to most conservatives – especially the religious ones – have gone to un-biblical lengths and have turned the Nuclear Family, marriage, natalism, and motherhood and fatherhood into idols which is wrong of them.
— end introduction to me and this blog —
I saw a link to this essay go through my Twitter feed today:
(Link): Advice for Incels by Kevin D. Williamson
On one level, this essay – “Advice for Incels” was okay.
However, I think that while the guy who wrote it has his heart in the right place, I think he gets a lot of things wrong and is naive about how Baptist and conservative Protestant and evangelical churches are for adult singles.
I’ve spent the last several years on this blog covering these topics – I’d encourage Williamson and anyone who read his NRO piece to read the books (Link): “Singled Out” by Field and Colon and “Quitting Church” by Christian author Julia Duin for even more information.
The Dating Project: A Documentary Movie About Singleness and Dating
I saw one of the movie-makers for The Dating Project interviewed, and she says that this movie is promoting the idea that people start dating again.
The focus is on younger people, but I see this problem among folks over the age of 30 as well. If you are 30 or older now (as of April 2018) and grew up in a conservative Christian family or church, you were probably taught (and still taught) a bunch of dating concepts and ideas that have actually kept you single (see this post as an example).
I am over the age of 40 and have never married. I was engaged in my late 20s to my early 30s but broke up with my fiance. I have always wanted to be married, but I never found the right person.
As far as I could tell in seeing the interview with the woman film-maker of this dating movie, the assumption seems to be that being single is “second best” or weird.
Let me just say, as I’ve said many times on this blog, that on the one hand, while there is nothing wrong with being married or wanting to get married, that there is also nothing wrong with being single, and it is wrong to (Link): to denigrate singleness to promote marriage.
I’d like my desire for marriage to be respected, but at the same time, so long as I remain single, (Link): I’d also like myself and my singlehood status to be respected, not jeered, mocked, or put down by conservatives, who frequently shake their index fingers in the faces of singles like myself, and who write fear-mongering articles about how supposedly single life is so much more horrible than married life (see anything written by (Link): Bradford Wilcox or (Link): Mark Regnerus), all because they are worried about declining marriage rates.
I want to be married one day, and I don’t appreciate Christians telling me that my desire for marriage is “an idol” (for it is not), but I also do not appreciate Christians or secular talking heads on television news stations shaming singles for being single and for making singleness sound as though it’s a disease one should be ashamed of having.
Many times, conservatives (of which I am one) assume, quite wrongly, that any one who is single past the age of 30 is single deliberately. Especially if one is a single female past age 30, Christian talking heads will write blog posts or opine on television news programs that such women must have put career over marriage, or they are harpies who hate men – but this is usually not the case.
As a right wing (conservative) woman who always desired marriage, I find myself single by circumstance, not due to choice. I did not put career above dating or marriage, and so on and so forth. I find such assumptions, which are often held by other conservatives and by many Christians, deeply insulting and ask my fellow conservatives to stop making such assumptions.
The Dating Project Movie
Here are some links to articles about The Dating Project movie (a movie which I’ve only read a little bit about, I have not seen it yet):
The shock of reading Laura Sessions Stepp’s 2007 book, “Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both,” hadn’t worn off when I was offered the opportunity to view an advanced screening of “The Dating Project,” a film about modern relationships that will be released nationwide—for one night only—on April 17. Both are a wake-up call for Americans, many of whom are in the dark about how dramatically dating has changed.
So dramatically, in fact, that it no longer exists. Dating is officially dead.
Yes, you can be married, but if your spouse is a jerk, is selfish, is abusive, or isn’t meeting your emotional needs, you can be lonely within a marriage.
Yet, a lot of Hollywood movies and Christian culture presents this “fairy tale” version of marriage that if you just find the Right One, you’ll be complete, never feel lonely, and so on.
I was engaged to a guy for a few years. I could sit in the same room with him and still feel all alone, so being part of a couple is NOT a guarantee you’ll have companionship or be fulfilled. You won’t often hear that from Christians (or even secular sources) who extol the wonders of marriage.
(Link): When Her Husband’s Away, She Doesn’t Miss Him – Letter to Hax
(Alternate Link to same letter)
My husband has had to travel for the past several weeks. We have young kids. I haven’t missed him at all.
Is Early Marriage Really THAT Counter-Cultural? I Think Not – Re: Christianity Today Editorial by Rebecca Brewster Stevenson
So, I saw this headline from Christianity Today.
This seems to be an annual thing with Christians.
At least once a year, I see a major Christian magazine or blog publish some kind of article lamenting the declining marriage rates, or the rising age of first marriage, and that also push the idea that people should marry before they hit the ripe old age of 22.
Here we go again. Yet another one. (There will probably be another one in 2019, and one in the year after that, and so on and so forth.)
I notice that often times that the people who write these types of articles admit to having married pre-age 25.
I take it that the REAL motivation is that these people feel defensive about their life choice – they feel as though culture is “looking down their noses” at them for marrying young because most people today are not marrying at all, or not until they get to age 30.
The thing is, though, nobody cares that they married when they were 21! These sorts of articles are largely unnecessary.
If anything, the opposite type of editorial is needed, because authors like this one shame or judge people for not marrying young, or for not marrying at all. Christians continue to push marriage and baby-making as the “norm,” when the Bible does no such thing.
I will excerpt the editorial then comment on it below:
Excerpts from that editorial:
In a world of hookups and cohabitation, he took a leap— and made an act— of faith.
by REBECCA BREWSTER STEVENSON
…Then in 2013, the Knot Yet Report revealed that those averages are higher still: Couples now are postponing marriage to age 29 for men and 27 for women.
Tim Challies Needs to Shut His Pie Hole about Many Things, but Especially About Dating, Marriage, Singleness, and Now, Equally Yoked
Tim Challies is the doofus Christian blogger, speaker, and book author who has actually said garbage in the past such as “even fornicators are virgins now” (yeah, (Link): he really said that).
Also bear in mind:
Furthermore, Challies is so vested in his belief of “Christian gender complementarianism,” he doesn’t care that its “male headship” doctrine leads to domestic violence against women and often leads to pressuring women to staying in abusive marriages; you can read more about that here:
(Link, to “Internet Monk” site): Stuck With Their Noses In the Text
Challies is more interested in women obeying the “male headship” and female subordination articles of faith that comprise gender complementarianism than he is in the safety and well-being of women.
As such, if you are a single woman, do you REALLY want to take any sort of relationship advice from this kind of person who does not value YOU as a person?
I would hope not.
Here is the link to the Tim Challies “Equally Yoked” article on Christian Post site (with more remarks by me below the excerpts):
Here are excerpts from that page:
“The Bible makes it very, very clear that a Christian can only marry another Christian. You may not marry somebody who is an unbeliever. You should not marry somebody for whom you’re not certain whether they’re a believer or not. So absolutely, the first thing is, is this person a believer in Jesus Christ? Do we share faith?” Challies advised Thursday in part two of his message on Christian dating.
Why We Thought Marriage Made Us Healthier, and Why We Were Wrong by Bella DePaulo
The power of marriage to transform allegedly forlorn single people into blissfully happy and healthy couples is not just the stuff of fairy tales. For more than 70 years, social scientists’ studies havesupposedly shown that marrying improves people’s wellness. Award-winning scholars and leading magazines have all proclaimed that marriage typically makes people healthier and happier.
The promise is seductive: Find and marry that one special someone and all your dreams will come true.
Recently, though, new and methodologically sophisticated studies have been published that suggest something startling: Maybe we are wrong about the benefits of marriage. People who marry, it seems, do not become healthier than when they were single, and may even become a shade less healthy.
They do not become lastingly happier, either.
Those “God Brought Me My Spouse” Stories – Woman Says God Brought Her A Spouse on the Beach
I’m really not supportive of these types of stories, the type that you see below.
When I was a teen and in my 20s, I would read Christian books and magazine articles. Every so often, I’d see an author claim that God answered her prayers by sending her a Christian spouse.
Now that I’m in my 40s and still not married – in spite of having faith and praying since youth that God would send me a great guy – I think these stories are fanciful and that they are aberrations.
I’m leaning more towards the opinion now that if you want to get married, it’s up to you to make it happen – by going to bars, asking friends to fix you up, going on dating sites – rather than expecting God to make it happen.
So, I find stories like the ones below misleading.
Thirty-four years ago this month, I was fresh out of college and earnestly seeking God’s will in my life. My heart was hungry for a godly man of outstanding character.
And though I had decided that compromise in this most critical of relationships was not an option, I was beginning to doubt whether a man of that quality could possibly exist, or if I would ever find him.
Little did I know that God already had set his answer to my prayers into motion.
Woman Says She is Lonely in Marriage to Husband Who Ignores Her in Favor of His Job, Watching TV, etc.
A woman named San wrote to Christian program “The 700 Club” to say she’s in a marriage where her husband is ignoring her in favor of TV shows and his job and so forth. Pat Robertson’s son Gordon answered her letter.
Here is her letter to The 700 Club:
I have been very lonely in my marriage.
My husband’s priorities fall in this order: work, television, and then his phone. I have brought it to his attention so many times. I find myself only relying on God and Him being my true friend but I am still lonely.
Yes, I have God to turn to and I talk to God all day, every day, but it would be nice to have a husband in my life who I can truly share my life with. What should I do?
I didn’t completely agree with the host’s answer.