Mother Brutally Assaulted Daughter for Reciting Bible Verses Incorrectly: Police

Mother Brutally Assaulted Daughter for Reciting Bible Verses Incorrectly: Police

So much for the conservative Christian claim that parenthood is necessary to make a person more ethical, responsible, and godly.

Motherhood sure as heck did not make the woman in this story loving or godly.

(Link): Mother brutally assaulted daughter for reciting Bible verses incorrectly: Police

A Middletown woman was arrested after police said she severely assaulted her daughter and kicked her out of her house because the girl incorrectly recited Bible verses to her last week.

Police filed child endangerment charges against Rhonda Kemp Shoffner, 41, of the first block of Genesis Court, following the incident March 14.

The victim, who is under the age of 13, told police the assault occurred just after she awoke from a nap in her mother’s home about 3 p.m.

 … Each time the girl incorrectly recited a verse or gave her mother a wrong answer, Shoffner slammed her head into the wall, police said. Shoffner slammed her daughter’s head into the bathroom drywall at least five times, according to police.

No, Focus On the Family, I Do Not Want to Civilize a Barbarian – via Biblical Personhood Blog

No, Focus On the Family, I Do Not Want to Civilize a Barbarian – via Biblical Personhood Blog

There is certainly nothing wrong with marriage or the nuclear family, but often times, in attempting to defend the nuclear family or the institution of marriage, a lot of Christians and conservative groups (such as Focus On The Family) err too far in making an idol out of both and denigrating singleness (or childlessness) in the process.

I have taken Focus on the Family to task before on that issue and one or two others.

Another blogger, Biblical Personhood, caught wind of a Focus on the Family blog post by  Glenn T. Stanton – well, it’s on a blog called “First Things,” which the lady blogger of Biblical Personhood says is an off-shoot of Focus on The Family.

I have discussed Stanton on my blog before, such as in these posts:

(Link): Focus on Family spokesperson, Stanton, actually says reason people should marry is for ‘church growth’

(Link):  Mefferd Guest Incredulous that Preachers Push Kids To Marry Early

Based on what I remember about Stanton, he can veer a little bit too much into idolizing marriage.

At any rate, here is the link to the blog post by Biblical Personhood, with some additional comments by me below this excerpt:

(Link): No, Focus on the Family, I do not want to civilize a barbarian via Biblical Personhood blog

Here is an excerpt from the opening (please click the link above to visit the other blog if you’d like to read the entire page):

From Biblical Personhood Blog:

(Link): Focus on the Family recently suggested something that seems, at first glance, to flatter women. I did not feel flattered at all. They suggested women are the number one way to change men for the better:

/// start quote

… the most fundamental social problem every community must solve is the unattached male. If his sexual, physical, and emotional energies are not governed and directed in a pro-social, domesticated manner, he will become the village’s most malignant cancer. Wives and children, in that order, are the only successful remedy ever found. – Glenn T. Stanton

/// end quote

This is highly problematic, to say the least.

From the theological perspective :

Have Focus On The Family never heard of Jesus and being born again? Surely Jesus is better at changing humans – even the alleged “malignant cancer” called unattached males – from the inside than any woman is? How could a Christian™ organization say that women, not Jesus, is the only remedy for men’s bad tendencies?

(( read the rest here ))

If you are an unmarried man (and you either want to stay single for the remainder of your life, or are aware you may never marry, even though you may want a wife), I’m sure you must really appreciate guys like Stanton saying you are basically a raging animal, or an immature man-baby, unless you are married to a woman.

You, if you are a single (unmarried) man, are a nothing, an incompetent, immoral loser unless you have a wife, is how Stanton’s reasoning comes across. You must have a wife and possibly father a child by said wife to count or to be a “real man.” This is pretty insulting stuff, especially bearing in mind that the Bible that Stanton likely would say he reads and agrees with, says nothing of the sort.

I did read over the Biblical Personhood blog post a day or two ago, but I don’t remember exactly everything that blog author wrote.

I will here add my own thoughts about the Stanton penned blog post. Some of my observations may be similar to those by the Biblical Personhood blogger.

Stanton writes:

 Women create, shape, and maintain human culture. Manners exist because women exist. Worthy men adjust their behavior when a woman enters the room. They become better creatures. Civilization arises and endures because women have expectations of themselves and of those around them.

I disagree with just about everything he said there, on different levels, and for different reasons.

Most cultures are patriarchal, and this has been the way the world has been for thousands of years.

Women are not allowed to shape or maintain politics, marriage, or church – let alone culture, because men hold all the power. Women are taught by parents and culture from girlhood that this is normal, that men should be in charge, and females are conditioned from childhood to accept this and go along with it, especially Christian girls.

As much as I dislike blatant sexism, where men sound like cave-men and make loud, rude, condescending claims, such as women are not as logical or intelligent as men (this is used to justify limiting women in the workplace and so on)-
I also do not appreciate this (Link): benevolent sexist, noble-sounding, sappy and fouffy writing that tries to convince women that being subservient to men, allowing men to lead and protect them, and thus they can and should give up self-determination and their agency, is in their best interest, because dang it, women are so much more morally superior creatures to men.

This sort of writing is sugar-coated sexism. It’s asking women to give up their personhood,  identity, or their independence, in exchange for something else (in this case, the betterment of men or culture).

I’m really tired of how sexists keep demanding things of women, and nothing of men, of expecting women to fix men, or to fix society.

Continue reading “No, Focus On the Family, I Do Not Want to Civilize a Barbarian – via Biblical Personhood Blog”

Our Priorities Are Off When Family Is More Important Than Church – Jesus’ focus was on the family of God, not the biological family. by J. Hellerman

Our Priorities Are Off When Family Is More Important Than Church – Jesus’ focus was on the family of God, not the biological family. by J. Hellerman

I’ve been saying the same thing on this blog the last few years: American Christians have turned the Nuclear Family, and all that goes with it – Marriage and Children and Parenthood – into idols.

American Christians have done so to such a degree that anyone who is not part of such as family, anyone who is single or childless, is marginalized.

Edit.

By the way, Facebook group SCCL posted a link to this same editorial (link to SCCL discussion thread). Unfortunately, many of the participants in the thread have chosen to take the editorial the wrong way – they think it’s rude, inappropriate, or weird to ask or expect Christians to make spiritual family (other believers) a priority to them, over their biological family, or in addition to.

The posters at SCCL clearly do not understand – you have people (such as me), with little to no biological family, and people such as myself (older singles with no kids) are side-lined, minimized, all by a church culture that hypes and deifies “the nuclear family,” children, and marriage.

I do not think a Christian should so prioritize his church that he ignores his biological family, but we have the opposite problem in many churches today – people who are widowed, never married, divorced, or childless are treated like trash, and their needs go unmet, because too many churches cater to the traditional family unit, something Jesus expressly forbid them from doing.

(Link): Our Priorities Are Off When Family Is More Important Than Church – Jesus’ focus was on the family of God, not the biological family. by J. Hellerman

Excerpts:

…  American adults, according to (Link): a recent Barna study, are “most likely to point to their family as making up a significant part their personal identity.” Country and God come next. Christians are no exception; natural family has usurped God and his family as the primary identity marker for most church-goers.

Most of us prioritize our commitment to family above our commitment to the church. This is unfortunate, because the Bible offers us a different set of relational priorities.

Continue reading “Our Priorities Are Off When Family Is More Important Than Church – Jesus’ focus was on the family of God, not the biological family. by J. Hellerman”

Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy

Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy 

Before I present you with the links to the news reports about this story (which are much farther down the page), I wanted to make some introductory comments in general, and a few specific comments refuting a few points from a pro-Quivering page about celibacy.

In regards to the specific news story I am blogging about today, this Quivering group is completely overlooking Apostle Paul’s comments in (Link): 1 Corinthians 7 that it is better for people to remain single than it is to marry – and Paul does not say that this teaching is in regards only to “a few,” or only a “minority” of people.

The Bible nowhere states that marriage is “a norm,” or that God expects or wants all, or most, people to marry.

It just so happens that in other cultures thousands of years ago, most people did happen to marry – one should not deduce from this cultural situation that God supported it or wanted it to be so. It just was what it was.

If the Bible said that all or most ancient Jews painted their bodies green once a year and balanced weasels on their heads while jumping up and down on a watermelon one week out of a year, one should not assume from this that

  • 1. God created that cultural practice and/or that
  • 2. God wanted Americans in the year 2016 to practice these things as well.

The Quivering group’s position on marriage, celibacy, and singleness is unbiblical, not to mention disturbing.

According to this article (linked to much farther below), the Quivering group was going to call this event, (where they set up marriages for little girls to marry), “Get Them Married.”

Why not have an event called, per 1 Corinthians 7, “It Is Better To Stay Unmarried”?

Am I opposed to marriage? No.

Is the God of the Bible against marriage? No.

But the Bible does not say that being married is better or more holy for girls, women, or culture, than being single, but a lot of Christian groups, and these wacky Christian cults, insist otherwise.

Christians need to do a better job of recognizing adult singleness and celibacy as legitimate, godly, biblical lifestyles and choices for all persons (and not only meant for a small minority of people who were supposedly “gifted” with it), instead of promoting marriage and natalism as the only legitimate avenues or as ways of fixing culture, the nation, or as pleasing God.

Continue reading “Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy”

Christian Speaker Christine Caine Apologizes to Adult Singles For Singles Being Marginalized by the Church, for Church Idolizing Marriage

Christian Speaker Christine Caine Apologizes to Adult Singles For Singles Being Marginalized by the Church, for Church Idolizing Marriage

I was watching the TBN program “Praise the Lord” tonight (April 22, 2016), and Christian speaker Christine Caine (who I don’t know a whole lot about) was a guest.

Caine has a new book called “Unashamed” she was there to promote. I have not read the book; it’s supposed to be released in May of 2016.

If I am remembering the program correctly, Caine said a chapter in her book apologizes to adult singles (especially the women) – the never married, the widows, the divorced – for how the church (as in church universal, all Christians) have sidelined, ignored, or heaped shame upon adult singles for being single.

Caine informed hosts Lori and Matt Crouch that about 57% of people (not sure if she meant 57% of people in the United States or the entire world) are single now – but the church keeps holding marriage up as the example, so that women who don’t marry by the age of 35 are made to feel ashamed or like failures.

Caine also mentioned that the 57% number is also the same figure for the church, that there are many, many single adults in the Christian faith.

Caine said that the church ignores the never-married and the “single again” (such as widows). She apologized to them for this.

The Crouch couple, Matt and Lori, who own TBN, seemed a little surprised or shocked to hear that 57% of adults are single in and out of the church.

Continue reading “Christian Speaker Christine Caine Apologizes to Adult Singles For Singles Being Marginalized by the Church, for Church Idolizing Marriage”

Americans Are Nostalgic for a Family Life That Never Existed by S. Coontz

Americans Are Nostalgic for a Family Life That Never Existed by S. Coontz

I have blogged about this book before, back in 2013. You can read the former post (Link): here.

Here is another review of the same book:

(Link): Americans Are Nostalgic for a Family Life That Never Existed

Excerpts:

  • March 2016
  • By Stephanie Coontz
  • There is a tendency for many Americans to view present-day family and gender relations through the foggy lens of nostalgia for a mostly mythical past.
  • …One example of how discussions of family life are still distorted by myths about the past is the question of how marriage has evolved historically.
  • Both sides in the Supreme Court decision extending marriage rights to same-sex couples demonstrated confusion on this issue. In his dissent from the majority opinion, Chief Justice John Roberts wrote, “For all . . . millennia, across all . . . civilizations, ‘marriage’ referred to only one relationship: the union of a man and a woman.”
  • Its primordial purpose, Roberts asserted, was to make sure that all children would be raised “in the stable conditions of a lifelong relationship.”
  • These assertions are simply not true. The most culturally preferred form of marriage in the historical record—indeed, the type of marriage referred to most often in the first five books of the Old Testament—was actually of one man to several women.
  • Some societies also practiced polyandry, where one woman married several men, and some even sanctioned ghost marriages, where parents married off a son or daughter to the deceased child of another family with whom they wished to establish closer connections.
  • The most common purpose of marriage in history was not to ensure children had access to both their mother and father but to acquire advantageous in-laws and expand the family labor force.
  • …In Anglo-American common law, a child born out of wedlock was a filius nullius, a child of nobody, entitled to nothing. Until the early 1970s, several American states denied such children the right to inherit from their biological father even if he had publicly acknowledged them or they were living with him.

Continue reading “Americans Are Nostalgic for a Family Life That Never Existed by S. Coontz”

Stop Pressuring Women to Be Moms: It’s Insulting to Assume We All Want The Same Thing by R K Bussel

Stop Pressuring Women to Be Moms: It’s Insulting to Assume We All Want The Same Thing by R K Bussel

(Link): Stop Pressuring Women to Be Moms: It’s Insulting to Assume We All Want The Same Thing

Excerpts

  • I used to wonder why my childfree friends were so adamant about what they didn’t want—but I get it now
  • We talk a lot about freedom of choice when it comes to reproduction, but there’s still one choice that women face an unconscionable amount of backlash over: the decision not to have kids. In an essay for (Link): Marie Claire, writer Starre Vartan details the opposition she’s faced in the dating and medical arenas over her choice to remain childfree, with a gynecologist telling her “That’s what we’re here for” and two boyfriends deliberately removing condoms during sex in a disgusting attempt to force her to change her mind:
  • “I…explained how terrified I was, physically and mentally, to be pregnant, to care for needy small humans. Two different, otherwise wonderful, handsome, and brilliant men said they ‘understood’ after I opened up about my fears. And then they each promptly sabotaged the birth control that I was very strict about.”
  • Assuming that all women automatically want kids is insulting—to everyone. It insults those who do plan to have kids or are parents already by diminishing the sheer amount of physical and emotional labor that goes into the undertaking. It insults those who don’t want kids, or aren’t sure, by elevating motherhood above every other option….
  • …Nobody wins by coercing someone else into becoming a parent, or making someone feel guilty, damaged or ostracized for not wanting kids.

Continue reading “Stop Pressuring Women to Be Moms: It’s Insulting to Assume We All Want The Same Thing by R K Bussel”

James Dobson’s Flawed Take on Population Decline (no.1: We’re Not in Decline) by T. Grant

James Dobson’s Flawed Take on Population Decline (no.1: We’re Not in Decline) by T. Grant

As this report notes (link is much farther down this blog page), more pressure is placed on WOMEN to marry and have children than is placed on MEN.

I know that culture and Christians can treat single / celibate / childless men like trash, but they are TEN TIMES worse on Christian WOMEN in these regards.

Women get far more pressured to marry and have kids than men do or ever will.

Women get more shamed and insulted by Christians (and at times, secular culture) for staying single, celibate, and childless than males ever are.

Just because most women are capable of carrying a baby inside them, society and churches think it’s their DUTY to have a baby (as though women serve no other purpose in life), and if they choose to opt out (or cannot have a kid), they are still marginalized or insulted for it.

Men don’t face nearly as much insult or pressure to have kids as women do.

I am right of center – but I agree with this left wing (liberal) guy that other right wingers such as Dobson’s real goal is to be against what he perceives as liberal threats to the church or culture. That is one very real motivator some right wingers have, in why they do things like harass women to have children.

I also want to say how utterly moronic I find this approach by Dobson.

Continue reading “James Dobson’s Flawed Take on Population Decline (no.1: We’re Not in Decline) by T. Grant”

Pedophiles Seeking Christian Wives in Churches – Another Reason to be Leery of the “Equally Yoked” Idea and Reconsider Church as a Place to Meet Singles

Pedophiles Seeking Christian Wives in Churches – Another Reason to be Leery of the “Equally Yoked” Idea and Reconsider Church as a Place to Meet Singles

I skimmed over this really long blog post, on Brent Detwiler’s site (link much farther below), about a guy, Caffery, who was jailed for pedophilia. Caffery has more than one victim, if I remember right.

Caffery wrote a book at one point claiming that belief in Christ changed his life for the better, and so on and so forth (amazingly, he was molesting kids while writing this book – during the same time frame).

Caffery also wrote (in a book or a letter to his church elders, I forget which) that he was afraid if his wife gave birth to a daughter, he would molest his own daughter, so he prayed and asked God for sons. His wife went on to give birth to all sons. (I think the blog post says he later had a daughter by his second wife.)

Let me pause here to say: if I were dating or engaged to a guy who told me this upfront, that he is afraid he might molest any kids we had together, I would take him at his word and dump his ass.

(I don’t know if the woman this guy married knew beforehand or not, I’m just saying if this happened to me, I would NOT stay with a guy who confessed such a thing to me.

Never, ever stay with a guy out of pity or a sense of duty – don’t feel sorry for Mr. “I might molest our kids if we have kids together” Pervert. Helping him or redeeming such a deviant is not your responsibility. Part of the reason I got sucked into my last disaster of an engagement was that I felt sorry for the guy.)

The part that really stood out to me in this blog post by DeWiler was when Caffery said after one wife divorced him, he went looking for a new wife at a large Christian church. I found this alarming and creepy.

Continue reading “Pedophiles Seeking Christian Wives in Churches – Another Reason to be Leery of the “Equally Yoked” Idea and Reconsider Church as a Place to Meet Singles”

The Unsurprising Sexism of Donald Trump and Ted Cruz by E. Green

The Unsurprising Sexism of Donald Trump and Ted Cruz

I am right wing, but I have come to realize the last 2 or 3 years that yes, some right wingers harbor some sexist views towards women.

I used to regard left wing complaints about this to be fabricated or greatly exaggerated.

I do think in some ways, on some topics, liberals do unfairly peg right wingers with sexism, but in some other ways, depending on the particular situation or topic, I think there is merit to their charge.

There are small fragments of right wingers – like Quivering type families, or a Christian family the Duggars who believe in “Gothardism” – who do hold to some pretty outlandish, backwards views about women, but I do think that a lot of liberals go too far by ascribing labels such as “Christian Taliban” to all or most conservative Christians (yes, in years past, I’ve seen left wing Hollywood actors or commentators make such comments about all Christians, not just the small percentage).

Here is an interesting article about the sexism of Cruz and Trump – how they each denigrate the other’s wife.

I see that the treatment of women by both Cruz and Trump somewhat mirrors that of Christian gender complementarians – they treat women like sex objects, or as children, or as ‘lesser than’ men.

As physically unattractive as Trump is, I can guarantee you his wife, who, according to papers was once a supermodel, didn’t marry him for love. Maybe wealthy guys don’t care if they are loved for their wallets and not who they are.

It’s interesting and sad how an entire group of people – Republicans or conservative Christians – often present themselves as being “pro family,” but then their actions betray how sexist they are. Being disrespectful of women, who comprise some members of nuclear families, is not being pro- family values at all.

Christian gender complementarians play at the same game; they declare that women are of equal worth to men, but their actions betray this statement.

Christians often like to teach that marriage is necessary to make a person more godly and mature – here we have two married persons – Trump and Cruz – behaving quite immaturely and rudely on Twitter.

(Link): The Weaponization of Heidi Cruz and Melania Trump by Emma Green

Excerpts:

  • The use of wives as proxies in the struggle between the two leading Republican contenders [Trump and Cruz] shows how much American conservatism has changed.
  • ….For the lasts several days, he and Ted Cruz have been in a Twitter-based Battle of the Wives, pitting Melania and Heidi against one another in contests of appearance and virtue.
  • ….Ted Cruz was also always that guy: the one who would look away as his allies circulated a naked picture of the wife of his enemy, and then suggest that “real men don’t attack women.”
  • That guy who who stands silently by as his allies suggest that a man’s fitness for office can be measured in terms of the chastity of his wife—that her comparative purity, and his willingness to defend it, are tests of his manly authority. That guy who would suggest the only female Democratic presidential candidate in this race (Link): needs a spanking.
  • Both men’s supporters are using their wives as symbolic weapons, but they’re fighting toward different ends. Cruz’s allies are making a claim about propriety: That modesty and sexual demureness are virtues, especially in a woman who will represent the United States.

Continue reading “The Unsurprising Sexism of Donald Trump and Ted Cruz by E. Green”

Francis Chan Challenges Christians: Stop Idolizing Family, Put Christ’s Mission First

Francis Chan Challenges Christians: Stop Idolizing Family, Put Christ’s Mission First

Yep. Christians idolize the family. I’ve been blogging about that for a few years now.

(Link): Francis Chan Challenges Christians: Stop Idolizing Family, Put Christ’s Mission First

Excerpts:

  • March 23, 2016|3:20 pm
    BY KEVIN PORTER , CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
  • Many Christians have lost their edge — their radical, burning fire for Christ, says preacher and author Francis Chan, a firm believer that while family is important, the mission of the Kingdom of God should come first.In a video message recently shared by (Link): ChurchLeaders.com, Chan says that after many Christians get married they place Christ’s mission on the back burner, spending their days in the bubble of relationships, children and the comfort of security.
  • The preacher challenges married Christians to stoke the flames of their passion for Christ and his work, and to step out of their comfort zones to take more risks to further His Kingdom. Continue reading “Francis Chan Challenges Christians: Stop Idolizing Family, Put Christ’s Mission First”

Church Knew of Preacher’s Affairs, Advised Him To Keep It Quiet

Church Knew of Preacher’s Affairs, Advised Him To Keep It Quiet

This is a follow up to my previous post (there are further updates at the bottom of this post):

The pastor I reference in my headline of this blog post is Tullian Tchividjian.

I know I probably should not be surprised at this point, but I still find myself surprised or dumbfounded at how so many Christians or churches today do not take sexual sins seriously.

I already know that most churches prefer to hear sexual purity sermons (Link): from fornicators than they do from actual, honest- to- God adult virgins.

But I thought, maybe, just maybe, some churches out there at least have the sense to sermonize against adultery and other sorts of sexual sins, or hold sexual sinners  ~ especially pastors who commit adultery or some other sort of sexual sin – accountable.

But no. They don’t.

This article says that this church knew about their preacher’s adultery (even the previous one), and asked him to keep it hush-hush.

Unbelievable.

What is that verse from the Bible, again?: “God is shamed and judged negatively among the Gentiles because of your behavior.” -or something like that.

Okay, take that verse and reword it slightly to, “God is shamed and judged harshly among the Non-Christians because of your behavior,” and I think that would apply.

Do these churches and people claiming the name of Jesus Christ not care at all about what Jesus taught?

Do churches today and Christians not care about Christian ethics and morality, about doing the right thing, even if doing so may be unpopular?

How can anyone who claims to be a Jesus-follower be so causal about following His teachings?

Note that this other woman he had an affair with is MARRIED.

That’s right, Christians like to depict SINGLE women as the threats to married men, when here we have married people cheating on their spouses with OTHER MARRIED PEOPLE.

(Link): Coral Ridge Elders Knew of Tullian Tchividjian’s Affair With Married Woman, Advised Him to Keep Secret, Source Alleges 

  • BY LEONARDO BLAIR , CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
  • March 18, 2016|4:07 pm
  • At least two elders at Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Florida allegedly had knowledge that their former pastor, Tullian Tchividjian, grandson to evangelical icon Billy Graham, had engaged in an adulterous affair with a married member of his flock and advised him to keep it secret from his wife.

    Reacting to a (Link): report in The Christian Post Thursday that Tchividjian was fired by Willow Creek Church in Winter Springs, Florida, after they were blindsided by his latest confession, a highly placed source informed CP Friday that the recent disclosure is really the result of a “systemic cover up” by church leaders that began two years ago.

    “Tullian had actually been confronted about that two years ago. At the time, he was confronted by two elders at Coral Ridge and Steve Brown (Key Life Ministries), and confessed to having a relationship with a married woman,” said the source.

    “At the time, he was not advised to step down as lead pastor, but instead was advised not to immediately inform his wife about the matter — she only learned about this last week. To make matters worse, the two elders never informed the rest of the session about this situation. One can only wonder whether the second situation could have been averted if the first situation had not been covered up,” the source continued.

    “This is not a situation that Tullian had kept quiet and suddenly disclosed to someone for the first time last week. It’s been known by at least three others in addition to Tullian and the woman involved for over two years,” the source added.

    Continue reading “Church Knew of Preacher’s Affairs, Advised Him To Keep It Quiet”

Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Possibly Involved in Another Inappropriate Sexual Relationship (March 2016) / Why Do Christians Not Have a RBGR – Reverse Billy Graham Rule

Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Possibly Involved in Another Inappropriate Sexual Relationship (March 2016) / Why Do Christians Not Have a RBGR – Reverse Billy Graham Rule?

Here is a story of a male preacher who allegedly cheated on his wife, possibly more than once, if the new report is true (links farther below). It makes me wonder: do Christians not have a Reverse Billy Graham Rule?

Normally, Christians adhere to this sexist idea that single women are sexual sex pots, temptresses, who will try to bed a man, especially if he is married.

Yet, I never hear these same Christians issue a “Beware of Christian Married Men Who Will Try to Sleep with Women” rule or advisement to single – or married – women.

Think about it. Married Christian men, including men who work as preachers, have sex with women they are not married to (see more examples (Link): here). Some of these married pastors who commit adultery will cheat not only with single women, but with women who are married to other men.

Yet – I never really hear of Christian women who insist on taking a chaperone with them when meeting any and all men, whether in public or in private.

I don’t hear Christian women insisting that an office door must stay open when they meet with  any or all men, all due to the percentage of slime ball married male pastors who do in fact take advantage of women.

I don’t see, in other words, most Christian women treating all Christian men as potential rapists or as sexual temptresses, but Christian culture sure does treat women in this manner:

However, it’s not women taking advantage of married men in the majority of these news stories, it’s quite the opposite.

Yet, there is no Reverse Billy Graham Rule in place to protect women from men.

I am not arguing in favor of a Reverse Billy Graham Rule, you understand, merely pointing out the sexist double standard held by Christians on this issue.

Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Possibly Involved in Another Inappropriate Sexual Relationship

This post is an update to this older one on my blog:

According to reports at Warren Throckmorton’s blog, Tchividjian may have been involved in yet another inappropriate sexual relationship with another woman.

You can read more about it here:

(Link): Tullian Tchividjian Out at Willow Creek Presbyterian; Majority of Liberate Network Board Members Quit

Excerpt:

  • March 2016
  • Tchividjian’s dismissal (Link): appears to be related to new allegations of wrong doing involving another inappropriate relationship prior to the affair which led to his resignation at Coral Ridge.
  • Also, the woman with whom Tchividjian had an improper relationship has accused him of owing money to her husband and of fooling his counselor while still pursuing her.

Continue reading “Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Possibly Involved in Another Inappropriate Sexual Relationship (March 2016) / Why Do Christians Not Have a RBGR – Reverse Billy Graham Rule”

Father cat-fished his own daughter, 14, and tricked her into sending him naked photos that he later used for leverage when he started molesting her

Father cat-fished his own daughter, 14, and tricked her into sending him naked photos that he later used for leverage when he started molesting her

This headline came through my Twitter feed not long after the story of a married father who was arrested for sexual crimes against kids.

As I just said in my last post, Christians insist that becoming a parent or getting married are necessarily ingredients to become a full-fledged adult. They think never married adults or the childless are immature or selfish. Wrong. There are plenty of news stories which demonstrate that being married or a parent does not magically transform a person into a paragon of virtue.

(Link): Father cat-fished his own daughter, 14, and tricked her into sending him naked photos that he later used for leverage when he started molesting her

  • By SNEJANA FARBEROV FOR DAILYMAIL.COM
  • The 41-year-old man from upstate New York has pleaded guilty to 12 federal child pornography counts
  • Man admitted to posing as a 16-year-old boy online and forcing his daughter to send him X-rated photos of herself
  • He later lied to his teen daughter that her online boyfriend had committed suicide and began sexually abusing her
  • Twisted scheme came to light after the girl told a nurse at her school she was being molested by her father
  • The defendant faces up to 250 years in prison when he is sentenced in July
  • —————–
  • A father from upstate New York has admitted to posing as his 14-year-old daughter’s online boyfriend and forcing her to send him nude photos of herself, which he then used as leverage when he started sexually abusing her.

  • The twisted catfishing scheme and incestuous relationship came to light when the victim told a nurse at her school that she was being molested by her own father.

Continue reading “Father cat-fished his own daughter, 14, and tricked her into sending him naked photos that he later used for leverage when he started molesting her”

Married Church Volunteer Had ‘Secret Sex Den Attic Where He Molested Neighbor’s Two Sons’

Married Church Volunteer Had ‘Secret Sex Den Attic Where He Molested Neighbor’s Two Sons’

Conservative Christians – a lot of them – think that getting married and having children are necessary to become mature, godly, self-less, and responsible.

Here is another example on my blog (view more (Link): here and (Link): here) that show that being married or a parent is not necessarily a guarantee that a person will be more mature, loving, godly or responsible.

Goodness knows that the Bible never teaches that marriage or parenthood are rites of passage to earn true adulthood.

It would also appear that the pedophile in this story claimed to be a Christian, or thought of himself as a Christian – he was volunteering at a church.

Church is not necessarily a safe place to meet decent single men, if you are a single Christian woman who wants to marry. You might be better off taking chances dating Non-Christian men you meet through friends or on dating sites.

Here is an excerpt about this story from the Daily Mail site’s coverage:

  • The court heard allegations that Castillo had tied up one of the brothers during sexual acts, which included oral sex – the night before he was due to marry his now-wife Katheryn.

Not only was this pervert raping little boys, but he was assaulting them on the night before he was to marry.

After reading stories like this one, I sometimes do think maybe I haven’t missed out by not marrying.

I’m one of those people who had wanted to marry, but I see stories like this one and think, if there are one or two things worse than being single when you’d like to marry, it would be being married to a sexual pervert who preys on kids or (Link): animals, or to an abusive man.

Some Christians teach that in order to get a spouse from God, you must earn one by cleaning up your life, or by being more godly – or what have you. Stories like this are proof that you don’t have to be very godly or perfect to get a spouse.

This guy is a pond scum child rapist and yet was married. Obviously, being a pond scum abuser did not hinder God from sending this guy a spouse.

A lot of Christians say that the nuclear family is a necessary building block of culture, though the Bible does not teach this idea (otherwise the Bible would not state in 1 Cor 7 that God respects singleness), but regardless, notice that although this man was part of a nuclear family – he was married with a child on the way – this did not prevent him from being a sleaze bucket and raping little boys.

Christians also are fond of teaching that married sex is great, regular, and very satisfying. If that is so, you’d think these perverts – who are married – might be sexually satisfied with their wives alone, but no, they still fondle and assault little kids. (But then, pedophilia does involve an adult who is sexually attracted to children, not adults.)

I’ve just seen too many news stories of married Christian men who get caught raping people (even other adults) or being porn addicts to buy into the Christian myth that married sex is so wonderful, you won’t be tempted to go outside of the marriage to get sex.

This first link is from a left wing site, and left wingers tend to be anti-gun (not that I’m particularly into gun culture myself, but I am not opposed to gun ownership or legal, responsible gun use, either, like a lot of liberals are):

(Link): Gun-loving church youth mentor accused of creating horrifying sex attic to abuse young boys by B P Markus

  • A former church youth mentor is being accused of sexually abusing two young boys, according to the (Link): Charlotte Observer.
  • Julio Andres “Andy” Castillo, 34, of South Carolina, is being accused of multiple counts of sexually abusing the two boys while they were under the age of 16. Castillo has been jailed without bond since February 29. Castillo met the boys at church, Episcopal Church of Our Saviour and also York Place, a place where troubled children received counseling. York Place closed in November.
  • According to prosecutors, Castillo had a very close relationship with the boys’ family, which include keys to their home and free access to the children.
  • The abuse went to such an extent that Castillo built a secret room in his attic especially to molest the children. The room included a bed with rings for rope, so he could tie them up, according to the Observer. The room was accessible only with a ladder.

Continue reading “Married Church Volunteer Had ‘Secret Sex Den Attic Where He Molested Neighbor’s Two Sons’”

Don’t Underestimate Single Women Voters by A. Smith

Don’t Underestimate Single Women Voters by A. Smith

The impetus for Smith’s essay is the book “All the Single Ladies,” by Traister, which I have posted about in several posts already such as (Link): this one or (Link): this one.

Much of what this author, Smith, says about single women in regards to the Republican Party -that Republicans need to start paying attention to and validating single women and their concerns- can also be said of conservative Christians.

Conservative Christians continue to either ignore single women or to attack them for being single, in spite of the fact that Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7 that it is better for a person to remain single.

There is nothing wrong with a person wanting to get married, BUT, conservative Christians need to stop acting as though marriage is a cure for society, or is the norm or the default. By doing so, they marginalize singleness and single adults.

(Link): Don’t Underestimate Single Women Voters by A. Smith

Excerpts:

  • …Writer Rebecca Traister—author of the new book All the Single Ladies—explains that the rise of single women is “a radical upheaval, a national reckoning with massive social and political implications” as single women outnumber married women for the first time in American history. Marriage has shifted from an expectation in a woman’s early 20s to a life goal saved for someday (if ever).

Continue reading “Don’t Underestimate Single Women Voters by A. Smith”

Scary Single Ladies: Rebecca Traister Explains Why Single Women Frighten The Hell Out Of The GOP

Scary Single Ladies: Rebecca Traister Explains Why Single Women Frighten The  Hell Out Of The GOP

Sometimes some of these reviews of Traister’s book, or interviews with her, bring up how so many Republicans often demonize or criticize single motherhood.

I happen to be a Republican myself, someone who was raised in a traditional Christian home.

One thing I don’t get is how so many other Republicans and Christians do in fact constantly bad-mouth single motherhood, but out of the other side of their mouths, they frequently complain that not enough women are having babies.

It ticks these types of Republicans and Christians off that baby-making rates have declined a bit in the last decade or whatever (see this link for example).

So, on the one hand, my fellow Republicans complain about women having babies (women who happen to be single), but then turn around and complain and gripe about women NOT having babies.

Christians and Republicans are somewhat inconsistent on this point. They might argue that women should marry first, and then make a baby with their spouse, but this is part of the problem: plenty of women WANT to marry, but there are no eligible males for them to marry (see this link or this link for more).

And, of course, there are married women who cannot have babies because they are infertile, or some may choose to forgo motherhood – and their choices should be respected, not condemned.

Another thing that bothers me about this conservative demonizing of single motherhood is that I suspect one view that undergirds it is that they believe that marriage or parenthood supposedly makes adults more mature, responsible or godly, which is simply (Link): not true (and see this link and this link).

(There are a lot of conservative Christians who have taught or said that people only become mature or responsible when they marry or have a kid.)

The Bible does not teach that marriage or parenthood are necessary to make a person more godly, loving, responsible, or mature.

And even every day common sense and observation bears that out: we’ve all known, or heard of, married parents who are immature, greedy, or immoral swine.

Disclaimer:

  • I am right wing and have been a Republican for years. However, I don’t always agree with Republicans on everything.
    I do occasionally agree with some of the left wing’s criticism of right wingers, and concerning how dismally right wingers treat singles, I agree with them on that.

The link I give you here is from a left wing site, by Amanda Marcotte, a liberal feminist who is (Link): sometimes hypocritical about women’s sexual issues.

Even though I completely disagree with Marcotte on some topics, I did find myself agreeing with some of the content of this interview she had with this book author:

(Link):  Scary single ladies: Rebecca Traister explains why single women frighten the hell out of the GOP by Amanda Marcotte

Excerpts:

  • Author Rebecca Traister’s new book on single women looks at how this growing population is reshaping America
  • Author Rebecca Traister’s last book, “Big Girls Don’t Cry,” took a comprehensive look at how the 2008 elections changed everything for American women.
  • Now she’s back with a similarly pop music-themed title, “All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation,” an examination of the role single women have played in American culture, both in our history and in our current times.
  • (Link): Single women are a potent political force in a way that they never have been before, making up nearly a quarter of the electorate and leaning to the left of both men and their married counterparts.
  • This, along with a whole host of inchoate fears about what happens when women are left to their own devices without male supervision, has led to a rash of conservative pundits and politicians denouncing the ladies who aren’t married. I interviewed Traister about this moral panic over single women and what it means for the culture at large.
  • [Question to the book author]: In your book, you detail how obsessed the conservative media has become with single women, who clearly anger right-wing pundits. The most hilarious quote you pull is Rush Limbaugh whining, “What is it with all these young, single, white women?” What is it with these conservative pundits focusing on single women?
  • It was just a couple of weeks (Link): after his tirade of Sandra Fluke that he made those comments about another woman who had written a book.
  • The fact that he said “white,” well, there are these versions of single womanhood that we are presented and the version that threatens most, is the white, privileged women.
  • Sandra Fluke testifying in front of Congress, women who are writing books, Murphy Brown, and Anita Hill, even though she’s not white, a lawyer appeared for Clarence Thomas.
  • There is a kind of woman who is economically powerful, professionally powerful who threatens a white male grip on power that has a long historic precedent in the country. Independent women living outside of marriage threaten all kinds of things about the way power is supposed to work.
  • What if reproduction is taken outside that version of male control? What if women are competing?

Continue reading “Scary Single Ladies: Rebecca Traister Explains Why Single Women Frighten The Hell Out Of The GOP”

Hypocrisy Alert: (Anti Virginity Proponent) Russell Moore to Pastors: Don’t Do Wedding Ceremonies for Couples Living in Sin

Hypocrisy Alert: (Anti Virginity Proponent) Russell Moore to Pastors: Don’t Do Wedding Ceremonies for Couples Living in Sin

This is the same Moore who (Link): attacks and ridicules adult Christian virgins for being virgins until marriage.

 So this doofus  has a hella lot of nerve lecturing Christian preachers about not performing Christians who are living in sexual sin.

Moore: you do not honor Christian adults who are Virgins who are waiting ’til marriage to have sex, (which is a very basic Christian sexual ethic), so how do you square away bad-mouthing and shaming Christian couples who may be “shacking up?”

You actually have, in the past, criticized and shamed singles who are living sexually pure life styles. You are being absolutely hypocritical here:

(Link): Russell Moore to Pastors: Don’t Do Wedding Ceremonies for Couples Living in Sin by S. Smith

Excerpts:

  • Leading Southern Baptist ethicist Russell Moore is encouraging pastors not to perform wedding ceremonies for couples who are not Christians and those who are living in sin simply because members of their families belong to their church or their congregation is pressuring them to do so.
  • Moore, who is the president of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission, spoke at a conference on “The Church and Sexuality” that was held at the First Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama, by the state’s Baptist and Southern Baptist leaders on Monday.
  • (Link): Alabama.com reports that Moore told the crowd of about 500 people that pastors cannot hold non believers and those already living in sin accountable to their wedding vows if they are already not living their lives by God’s design.
  • “You cannot marry anyone except believers and people under the authority of Jesus Christ,” Moore explained. “Unbelievers, you cannot hold accountable to their vows.”

Continue reading “Hypocrisy Alert: (Anti Virginity Proponent) Russell Moore to Pastors: Don’t Do Wedding Ceremonies for Couples Living in Sin”

The Case Against ‘Saving’ Marriage – Married Nuclear Families Are the Gold Standard Against Which We Are All Judged. by N. Rodgers

The Case Against ‘Saving’ Marriage – Married Nuclear Families Are the Gold Standard Against Which We Are All Judged. by N. Rodgers

  • Disclaimer:
    I am not always in complete agreement with every last view in every editorial or article I link to.
  • I am right wing with traditional values but agree with liberals that right wingers, Republicans, and Christians need to stop idealizing the Nuclear Family, in so far as it marginalizes, punishes, or discriminates against those who do not fit that demographic or lifestyke.

The following editorial is from a progressive (left wing) site. I agree with much of what this editorial says, though not all of it.

(Link): The Case Against ‘Saving’ Marriage by N. Rodgers

  • Married Nuclear Families Are the Gold Standard Against Which We Are All Judged.
  • Marriage rates have been declining for more than half a century and single women now outnumber married ones. There are few guides better at navigating this new landscape than Rebecca Traister.
  • In a recent New York Magazine (Link): article, adapted from her soon-to-be-released book All the Single Ladies, she offers an insightful, nuanced analysis of the plight and power of unmarried women “taking up space in a world that was not designed for them.”
  • Traister argues that the current democratic policy platform may be more liberal than it has been in a generation in response to the growth of unmarried women. It’s about time. Public policy has lagged almost criminally behind in meeting the needs of single women, and especially single mothers, for decades.
  • But while a policy platform that stands to benefit unmarried women and mothers is necessary, it is not sufficient. There is no substitute for identity politics. Part of why the U.S. still has such inadequate public policies is the fear of publicly supporting families that conservatives have already convinced us are unequivocally bad, subpar alternatives to the married nuclear variety, especially “single mother” homes.

Continue reading “The Case Against ‘Saving’ Marriage – Married Nuclear Families Are the Gold Standard Against Which We Are All Judged. by N. Rodgers”

Critique of: Why Single Men May Not Be Having the Most Fun by W. B. Wilcox (who tends to be a marriage idolater and anti-singles bigot)

Critique of: Why Single Men May Not Be Having the Most Fun by W. B. Wilcox (who tends to be a marriage idolater and anti-singles bigot)

I would encourage you to take anything this Wilcox guy says with a huge grain of salt, especially if it pertains to singleness. 

Wilcox is a huge marriage idolater and is anti-singleness. He has the tendency to write anti-singles editorials in a push to elevate marriage. I’ve written of his anti-singless, singleness fear mongering before (Link): here.

Wilcox seems to feel that if he can scare singles about being single – such as telling us that being single will increase our odds of being raped or getting toe nail fungus or growing a third hand out of our heads – that this will motivate all us singles to run out and marry right away.

Of course, one problem with that view is that there are plenty of singles who do want to marry but are unable to find a partner (see this link as one example, see this link for additional commentary).

These anti-singles marriage idolaters (like Wilcox) just ASSUME all or most singles HATE marriage and are intentionally avoiding it, when such is not the case for all singles.

Guys like Wilcox have this terribly biased view that married life is the only way to go for anyone, that to improve a society or culture, everyone should marry (and marry in their 20s), and live out the 1950s nuclear family Ward and June Cleaver lifestyle, and he (like a lot of my fellow conservatives) is very put off that so many people are opting out of marriage, or just staying single whatever the reason.

So, these marriage idolaters do everything they can to write pages claiming that being single is not as safe, healthy, fun, or wise for individuals or culture as marriage supposedly is.

Articles like this also fail to take into account the “equally yoked” teaching which exists among Christians, a rule which prohibits Christian singles from marrying Non-Christian persons.

The problem with this is that for every single Christian man, there are 55 million single Christian women (no, that’s not an exact figure – it’s my way of saying… There are not enough single males for the single religious ladies who want to marry).

At one point in his article, Wilcox goes on and on about how lonely some single guy is who he discusses as an example of how crummy single life can be for some men.

True, being single can be or feel lonely at times – but so too can being in a marriage.

I was in a long term, serious relationship, and there were times that although I was sitting in the same room as my fiance, I still felt all alone, because the ass hat (my fiance) was not meeting my emotional needs; he did not care to, he was terribly self absorbed. I blogged more about that (Link): here, in this older post if you’d like to read that.

I did a blog post about (Link): women whose husbands developed early dementia – once their husband’s minds “went,” the husbands ceased being being friends and companions to their wives and became large, dependent children.

Having a romantic partner is no guarantee you won’t experience loneliness.

Articles like this one I am linking to you here in this post just perpetuate the notion that there is something “wrong” with being single, or that being single is not “as good” as being married.

I’m not sure if Wilcox is a Christian or not, but I do know that there is nothing in the Bible that says that being married is better than being single, or that everyone being married “cures” society of its problems.

I would not be surprised if singles advocate Bella DePaulo doesn’t, in the future, refute this page by Wilcox in (Link): her column over at Psychology Today – or, you know, it looks like (Link, off site): she’s already refuted the Wilcox page, in a fashion.

Edit (Feb 15, 2016). Ms. DePaulo dropped by and left a comment below. I wanted to edit this post to add a link she left in her comment, and one other one:

This Wilcox piece is singles shaming at its finest – painting singleness as though it’s some mental or physical health problem that needs the cure of marriage. Or, you could say it is a form of ‘singles concern trolling,’ I guess.

Views such as Wilcox’s also suggest that a person cannot or does not become a “whole” person or a mature person unless or until he or she marries – something which the Bible does not endorse at all. A person does not have to marry or become a parent in order to reach maturity or wholeness.

Also note how often Wilcox seems to be stressing people marry in their 20s in his essay – marriage idolaters such as this show no consideration for anyone over 30 or 40 or older who would like to marry but who find themselves single. Marriage-pushers such as Wilcox come across as being very ageist.

(Link): Why Single Men May Not Be Having the Most Fun By W. Bradford Wilcox

Excerpts:

Bradford Wilcox is the (Link): director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and a senior fellow of the (Link): Institute for Family Studies. He is the coauthor of “Soul Mates: Religion, Sex, Love, and Marriage Among African Americans and Latinos.”

———————–

…Oh, the life of the young single man. Pop culture’s depiction of young men’s single years as impossibly fun, footloose and fancy-free has a certain purchase in our culture. It’s one reason why plenty of young men look at marriage as a “ball and chain,” but that mind-set can have a number of downsides.

Continue reading “Critique of: Why Single Men May Not Be Having the Most Fun by W. B. Wilcox (who tends to be a marriage idolater and anti-singles bigot)”