The Unsurprising Sexism of Donald Trump and Ted Cruz by E. Green

The Unsurprising Sexism of Donald Trump and Ted Cruz

I am right wing, but I have come to realize the last 2 or 3 years that yes, some right wingers harbor some sexist views towards women.

I used to regard left wing complaints about this to be fabricated or greatly exaggerated.

I do think in some ways, on some topics, liberals do unfairly peg right wingers with sexism, but in some other ways, depending on the particular situation or topic, I think there is merit to their charge.

There are small fragments of right wingers – like Quivering type families, or a Christian family the Duggars who believe in “Gothardism” – who do hold to some pretty outlandish, backwards views about women, but I do think that a lot of liberals go too far by ascribing labels such as “Christian Taliban” to all or most conservative Christians (yes, in years past, I’ve seen left wing Hollywood actors or commentators make such comments about all Christians, not just the small percentage).

Here is an interesting article about the sexism of Cruz and Trump – how they each denigrate the other’s wife.

I see that the treatment of women by both Cruz and Trump somewhat mirrors that of Christian gender complementarians – they treat women like sex objects, or as children, or as ‘lesser than’ men.

As physically unattractive as Trump is, I can guarantee you his wife, who, according to papers was once a supermodel, didn’t marry him for love. Maybe wealthy guys don’t care if they are loved for their wallets and not who they are.

It’s interesting and sad how an entire group of people – Republicans or conservative Christians – often present themselves as being “pro family,” but then their actions betray how sexist they are. Being disrespectful of women, who comprise some members of nuclear families, is not being pro- family values at all.

Christian gender complementarians play at the same game; they declare that women are of equal worth to men, but their actions betray this statement.

Christians often like to teach that marriage is necessary to make a person more godly and mature – here we have two married persons – Trump and Cruz – behaving quite immaturely and rudely on Twitter.

(Link): The Weaponization of Heidi Cruz and Melania Trump by Emma Green

Excerpts:

  • The use of wives as proxies in the struggle between the two leading Republican contenders [Trump and Cruz] shows how much American conservatism has changed.
  • ….For the lasts several days, he and Ted Cruz have been in a Twitter-based Battle of the Wives, pitting Melania and Heidi against one another in contests of appearance and virtue.
  • ….Ted Cruz was also always that guy: the one who would look away as his allies circulated a naked picture of the wife of his enemy, and then suggest that “real men don’t attack women.”
  • That guy who who stands silently by as his allies suggest that a man’s fitness for office can be measured in terms of the chastity of his wife—that her comparative purity, and his willingness to defend it, are tests of his manly authority. That guy who would suggest the only female Democratic presidential candidate in this race (Link): needs a spanking.
  • Both men’s supporters are using their wives as symbolic weapons, but they’re fighting toward different ends. Cruz’s allies are making a claim about propriety: That modesty and sexual demureness are virtues, especially in a woman who will represent the United States.

Continue reading “The Unsurprising Sexism of Donald Trump and Ted Cruz by E. Green”

A Dating Video in Light of Being Equally Yoked Teaching

A Dating Video in Light of Being Equally Yoked Teaching

Facebook group  SCCL (Stuff Christian Culture Likes) posted a link to this video a few days back

I’ve watched the video, but I didn’t pay close attention to it. Several of the guys mentioned they wanted a “girl” who would be servant-minded – what, so they can serve these guys, bring them their beer and slippers when they get home from work? Bleh and puke.

Some of the guys in the video also mentioned wanting a girl who “dresses modestly.”

Someone on SCCL named, Elizabeth Burger, typed up a transcript of the video:

Transcript complete (typed by E. Burger):
[Three or Four Young Christian men speaking:]
I define a godly girl as a girl who is wholeheartedly pursuing God with her life.
A godly girl, to me, really understands that being a wife and a mother is an extremely high calling.

So to me, a godly girl is a girl who loves the Lord with all her heart and wants to serve Him.
To me, a godly girl is someone who is patient.

To me the most attractive thing about a girl is that she is really selfless.
I really admire when girls dress modestly.

I really admire a girl who is content with where God has her in life.
I admire a girl who has love for people.
I really admire a girl who is respectful towards her parents and is kind to her siblings.
Some character qualities that I really appreciate in a girl are selflessness, and a girl who is kind.

I admire a girl who gets outside of herself and invests in the lives of others.
I know a girl who really prioritizes God in her life. Every morning she talks with the Lord through prayer and reads her Bible and really just yearns to hear from the Lord.

Men, Manliness, and Being Naked Around Other Men by R. Senelick

Men, Manliness, and Being Naked Around Other Men by R. Senelick

(Link): Men, Manliness, and Being Naked Around Other Men by R. Senelick

Excerpts:

  • February 2014
  • …But certain aspects of the tradition of naked competition still existed when I was a young man growing up in Chicago in the early 1960’s. One of my worst experiences was being forced to swim in the nude in high school
  • ….I was already in medical school when I took my military entrance physical for the doctor draft. It was high school all over again. Grown men of different shapes and sizes, lined up to be poked and prodded. No one ever forgets being told to “bend over and grab your ankles.” With the increasing number of women in the military, I decided to research the current military physical exam.

Continue reading “Men, Manliness, and Being Naked Around Other Men by R. Senelick”

Salon Author Amanda Marcotte Thinks Media Shouldn’t Judge Women’s Sexuality But She Has Mocked Women Over Their Sexual Choices Before (To Remain Virgins)

Salon Author Amanda Marcotte Thinks Media Shouldn’t Judge Women’s Sexuality But She Has Mocked Women Over Their Sexual Choices Before (To Remain Virgins)

My memory is a bit rusty here, but in a previous, older editorial on Salon, either Marcotte ridiculed women who choose to remain virgins until marriage, or, when she was mocking the concept of virgin- until- marriage, it escaped her notice that some women, of their own volition, choose to abstain until marriage.

I blogged about this before here, on my blog:

Either way it went, Marcotte ended up ridiculing the choice of some women to stay virgins until marriage – and some women do in fact choose to remain virgins until marriage, like this lady, who was in the media about a month ago:

This recent editorial at Salon, by Marcotte, is my reason for writing this blog post today:

(Link):  Now we’re leering at suicide bombers: The grotesque objectification of Hasna Ait Boulahcen by Amanda Marcotte

Here are a few excerpts from that page, about a woman terrorist who was blown up in Paris, France (I have some more comments below these excerpts):

  • by Amanda Marcotte
  • November 20, 2105
  • …But Boulahcen [woman terrorist] was female, and so the forces of sexual objectification are kicking in, creating a grotesque display.
  • …Both articles obsessively comb over every detail of Boulahcen’s pre-conversion life: Her partying, her drinking, the amount of sex they suspect she had, her clothes and even her “heavy makeup”, which both articles take pains to point out. It’s the same kind of thing you see these right wing rags doing day in and out, simultaneously inviting their audiences to leer at and sit in judgment of young women for their clothes, their sexual choices…

Continue reading “Salon Author Amanda Marcotte Thinks Media Shouldn’t Judge Women’s Sexuality But She Has Mocked Women Over Their Sexual Choices Before (To Remain Virgins)”

Married Father and Baptist Preacher J D Hall – Another Example of How Marriage and Parenthood Does Not Make a Person More Godly or Mature

Married Father and Baptist Preacher J D Hall – Another Example of How Marriage and Parenthood Does Not Make a Person More Godly or Mature

(There is an update at the bottom of this post).

This involves a lot of back story I don’t want to get into because this blog post would be ten pages long.

I am blogging this primarily for adult singles who have felt marginalized or hurt by Christian denominations or churches that treat adult singles as though they have cooties.

I have a somewhat different motivation for blogging about this than other blogs do. There were a few other blogs who addressed the child abuse aspect of the story, that we have an adult (Hall) badgering a teen kid (Braxton Caner) on the internet.

J D Hall is a Calvinist preacher with a blog called “Pulpit and Pen,” a Twitter account, and a group of fan boys who follow him around online who actually refer to themselves as “Pulpiteers.”

At one time, Hall’s groupies were using the #pulpiteer (or “pulpiteers”) hash to follow each other around Twitter. I’m not sure if they still use the “Pulpiteer” label or not. I will continue to refer to them as such.

This group, and a few other people, have a long standing hatred of another guy named Ergun Caner.

Continue reading “Married Father and Baptist Preacher J D Hall – Another Example of How Marriage and Parenthood Does Not Make a Person More Godly or Mature”

Sexual Purity, Virginity, and Celibacy As Product – and: Christian Myths That Are Keeping Marriage Minded Single Women Single Courtesy Dannah Gresh

Sexual Purity, Virginity, and Celibacy As Product

I didn’t intend on blogging anything more tonight, but I just made a post about modesty (this one, (Link): “Sexualizing Modesty – Christians Defeating the Purpose”). I noticed in the Right Wing Watch article linked to in that post that it mentioned Dannah Gresh.

Dannah Gresh does guest posts at The Christian Post about sexuality, where she promotes abstinence/ celibacy / chastity/ virginity, and talks about the dangers of pre-marital sex.

If I am remembering rightly, I think the first post I saw that mentioned her discussed how she had sex as a teenager but now goes around as a guest speaker at churches and schools promoting sexual purity. I believe that was what prompted me to come up with the tag for this blog of “fornicators used as sexual role models.”

I find it so absurd that Christians appear to have a preference for fornicators acting as role models for virgin youth (hiring them as speakers for youth groups about the importance of sexual purity), rather than getting an actual, literal, adult virgin who is over age 30, to give advice, write books on the topic, or act as speaker.

It is not that I am against Christians speaking up in defense of celibacy or virginity, or in pointing out that pre marital or casual sex can have negative outcomes, but this Gresh woman seems to be making a living off the entire thing, and that bothers me (like the TV preachers who pimp the Gospel for a buck).

There seems to be something a little unsavory about making a cottage industry, making profit, off promoting celibacy/ virginity/ sexual purity.

I’ve blogged about this Gresh woman before, such as:

    (Link):

Fifty Shades of Feminine Hypocrisy – editorial by Gresh, discusses slut shaming, rape culture, modesty – has points I agree and disagree with

(Link): Sexual Purity Under Attack in Nation’s Schools, Says Christian Author Dannah Gresh

(Link): Christians Blaming the Woman – again: Regarding: How Women Can Make Church a Safe Place for Men by D. Gresh

(Link): How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)

I think I have one or two other posts about Gresh, or that mention her, but I cannot find them at the moment.

According to my previous post, (Link): “Sexualizing Modesty – Christians Defeating the Purpose”), Gresh now has an entire web site devoted to the topic of sexual purity and/or modesty, here:

(Link): Secret Keeper Girl

That “Secret Keeper Girl” site has a link to a “store” page on it, where merchandise is being sold (as I skim the page today, there are several books by Gresh for sale).

Here is a screen cap for one of her books from that page:

Screen shot of Book Advertisement
Screen shot of Book Advertisement

According to (Link): the page of that site selling that book:

    Discover how to get so lost in God that a guy has to seek Him to find you.

Dannah Gresh traces God’s language of love through Scripture to help you pursue your heart’s deepest desires and seek love the way God designed it to be. Because once you identify your true longings and let God answer them, you’ll know just how to respond when romantic love comes along.

With a guided ten-day Love Feast Challenge, Get Lost will help you see for yourself how getting lost in God opens the door to lifelong fulfillment.

Sigh. This is similar to the sort of thing I read and often heard as a teen-aged Christian girl and into my twenties (in no particular order, and some Christians imply it more than state it out right): be such a faithful, good, sexually pure Christian girl, put God first in your life, put other people first, and in due time, God will send a Christian Mr. Right your way.

And, if you have followed this blog, you already know my story: I’m over 40, was engaged, still a virgin, and never married, though I had wanted to be.

I certainly did all the things Christians advise young ladies to do who hope for marriage: I put God first, lived a clean life style, prayed to God for a spouse, waited, attended church, etc. etc. etc. And yet, I am still single.

Upon reflection, I think I should have pursued marriage. Not sat back, crossing my fingers, hoping God would act and send me Mr. Right.

Continue reading “Sexual Purity, Virginity, and Celibacy As Product – and: Christian Myths That Are Keeping Marriage Minded Single Women Single Courtesy Dannah Gresh”

Sexualizing Modesty – Christians Defeating the Purpose

Sexualizing Modesty – Christians Defeating the Purpose

Before I get to the main heart of this post, here is a long introduction.

First of all, I think the modesty debate re-enforces one Christian and secular stereotype: that only men are visually oriented, and women are not. That is, women are thought to hate sex, or not be very interested in sex, and that women prefer “emotional bonding,” knitting tea cozies, and reading poetry, to sex.

The truth is, a lot of women (even Christian ones) are visually oriented and get “turned on” by looking at a good looking man (especially if he’s in great shape and shirtless).

These modesty teachings almost never, ever take into account that women have sex drives, sexual desires, and sexual preferences – and I get so tired of that aspect of it. These modesty teachings only take into account that MEN are sexual and have sex drives and so forth.

I am really not totally on either side of this modesty debate.

Concerning this issue, like several others I regularly discuss on this blog, I’m neither fully on Team (secular or Christian) Feminist, nor am I fully on Team Conservative (or Team Christian).

My views would probably hack off people on either side of the debate, both the anti-modesty types and the pro-modesty ones.

I think both sides make some really good points on some things, but both sides also get a few things wrong.

Where I might agree with the anti-modesty guys on “point X”, I might find that the pro-modesty guys are right about “point Z.”

Where I Agree with the Pro Modesty Side

As far as the pro-modesty side is concerned, I do agree that some teen-aged girls and women dress slutty, and this is not good, right, or cool.

I’m tired of secular feminists shaming pro-modesty types and trying to intimidate them into silence by screaming “slut shamer” at them, or about them, in every other tweet or blog post.

There are some women who do in fact want to use their looks, body, or sexuality to get attention. I saw these sorts of girls and women when I was a teen, in my 20s, and older. We’ve all known them.

They’re not satisfied wearing plain old blue jeans with a normal shirt, no.

They have to wear mini-skirts with fish net stockings and stiletto heels, or daisy duke shorts with their ass cheeks barely hanging out.

There may be a minority of women who dress that way because they genuinely find such fashions cute or flattering on their figure, but you damn well know the majority are wearing such ensembles to look “hot,” and at that, because they want male attention.

Personally, I find that look -the barely dressed, or stilettos with mini skirts types of sexy looks – rather trampy, and I think most women who dress like that are in fact seeking sexual attention from males – and no, I’m not fine with that.

I don’t have to agree with other women’s choices all the time in clothing or how they choose to attract men.

    Side Note:

    (Seriously, this is one odd-ball aspect I’ve seen crop up on secular feminist blogs frequently: by sheer fact that I am a woman, I am expected to always agree with other women and all their choices and political and moral views all. the. time, and to deny my own personal, political, or religious values and opinions in the process.

    Yes, just because I am a woman, and they are a woman. Me supporting all other women all the time on every topic under the sun (and it seems especially true in regards to sexuality, modesty, sex, abortion, and birth control) is considered obligatory, all because I’m a woman too.

    I don’t support all males all the time on every topic, so why would I be expected to support all women all the time, about everything? It makes no sense.)

Some women do in fact make a conscious choice to showcase their sexuality (e.g., by wearing tiny skirts and so forth) because their self esteem and self respect is so low, they don’t think they have anything else to offer a man, or they don’t think they have anything to offer the world but their looks, body, and sexuality.

Or, some women who dress in revealing clothing may assume 99% of men are indeed visually-oriented cave men, sexist swine, who only want “one thing” from women, and if these women are in the market to pick up a boyfriend, yes, they will don the fishnet stockings and mini-skirts.

There is a difference between Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus. There is a difference between Madonna Ciccone and Whitney Houston.

Some women do in fact choose character, talent, and/or brains to make their place in the world, to gain success, or to get attention, while other women opt to go the sexual and titillation route (which may include dressing in a provocative manner).

And we (women) all know it. We know this is true. But a lot of the anti-modesty squad I see online seems to deny this.

Or, maybe they realize it, and their argument is they feel a Miley Cyrus should be able to act or dress like a harlot in public and nobody should make any negative judgments what-so-ever about it.

I’ve seen secular feminist blogs whose writers get upset with companies who objectify women by portraying women as sexy things in advertisements, or with companies who make too much out of a woman’s looks…

But these same feminists turn around, and quite inconsistently, feel it’s okay for a woman to objectify herself – and nobody is supposed to say anything critical about it (because that would be “slut shaming”).

But to me, that is a double standard.

Where I Agree With the Anti Modesty Side

Too often, as anti-modesty advocates point out, religious “modesty teachings” or modesty propaganda, tell girls and women they ought to dress in a conservative manner so as not to cause men to stumble.

The fact is that men are responsible for their behavior. It does not matter if a woman is fully clothed or wearing a thong bikini in the presence of a man, it is up to a man to control his thoughts and actions.

Continue reading “Sexualizing Modesty – Christians Defeating the Purpose”

When Suits Become a Stumbling Block: A Plea to My Brothers in Christ* by LP

When Suits Become a Stumbling Block: A Plea to My Brothers in Christ* by LP – from the Salt Collective Blog

This site (Salt Collective) is experiencing a lot of traffic, so if you click the link to read the blog page, you might have to try again later.

I am not necessarily opposed to Christian modesty and sexual purity teachings.

However, I do think there is a lot of hypocrisy going on, where Christians stress a man’s sexual desires over that of a woman’s (women also possess sexual libido but Christians deny this fact – at least when it comes to married women, Christians act like all un-married women are sluts), and women are made responsible for a man’s sexual thought life and sexual misbehavior, which is wrong.

(Link): When Suits Become a Stumbling Block: A Plea to My Brothers in Christ* by LP

Excerpts (note that the blog is peppered with lots of photos of very good looking male movie stars and models wearing suits, including one of my all time favorite actors, Mr. Hugh Jackman):

    There has been a lot of talking, debating, and hand-wringing among Christian bloggers lately about modesty; particularly yoga pants, making men uncomfortable by being attractive, and in general, ways in which to combat everyone’s favorite “evil”: lust.

    Well, I’d like to hop on the modesty bandwagon and discuss something that I have personally struggled with for many, many years.

    [deep breath]

    Suits.

    Specifically, men in suits.

    Yes, folks: I struggle with lusting after men in suits.

    I want to be brutally honest about this struggle. As young-ish, heterosexual woman who is trying to keep her thoughts pure and her eyes on Jesus, I have to say… every day, EVERY DAY, is a battle.

    …Don’t these men have any self respect? Do they even understand how their clothing affects me? I wonder what is going through men’s heads when they decide to dress this way. All I know is that when a man wears a nice suit with pants that are juuuust tight enough, I will notice.

    Therefore I am issuing a plea to my brothers in Christ for an understanding of where I’m coming from. When you choose to exist in public looking well-groomed and sharp, you are basically extending an invitation for me to lust after you.

    Listen, as a woman I’m an emotional creature. I want to feel protected and safe, and nothing screams “I am a MAN and I will protect you” like a suit and tie. I can’t help it, that’s just how I’m wired.** It’s science. LOOK IT UP.

    Now I know what you might be saying: “Well, isn’t it YOUR responsibility to control your thoughts around men?”

    Of COURSE. We are all called to rid our thoughts of lust. But again, as my brothers in Christ, is it asking too much of you to simply be more attentive to what you wear?

    If the purpose of our clothes is to glorify God, how are you doing so by wearing something that obviously causes others to sin in their minds? Yes, it is everyone’s job to control their own eyes, but you ALSO have a responsibility to not give them reason to sin.

    …Remember: upholding an impossible standard that will never remain static and is subject to the cultural, religious, or societal context within which it resides must ALWAYS trump your comfort, convenience, and ability to exist in a public space in whatever manner you choose.

    *This is satire. Put your pitchforks down.

    – See more at: http://thesaltcollective.org/modesty-whensuitsbecomestumblingblock/#sthash.W2AzDBt3.dpuf

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Related posts this blog:

(Link): Funny Satirical Piece: Woman Mocks Demands for Female Modesty By Shaming Males (and their judgy Mothers) For Being Immodest

(Link): Women Judging Male Physical Appearance – Body Fat Percentages

(Link): Modesty: A Female-Only Virtue? – Christian Double Standards – Hypocrisy

(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

(Link): When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): Do men really have higher sex drives than women? (article/study)

(Link): When We Sacrifice a Girl’s Innocence from NatePyle.com Re: Modesty and Purity Teachings

(Link): Beauty Redefined Site Discusses Modesty: Modest Is Hottest?

Posts By A. Marcotte Re Various Topics E.G.: Pre-Marital Sex, Virginity, Modesty Teachings, Marriage, Divorce, Childfree, Birth Control, Early Marriage, Gender Roles, Female Libido, etc

Posts By A. Marcotte Re Various Topics E.G.: Pre-Marital Sex, Virginity, Modesty Teachings, Marriage, Divorce, Childfree, Birth Control, Early Marriage, Gender Roles, Sexual Harassment, Female Libido, etc

Please remember that I am right wing and respect people remaining virgins until marriage, but this woman, Marcotte, is left wing, and in at least one of her posts, she slightly mocked the concept of virginity (see, left wing feminists will defend any and all sexual choices to the hilt except for voluntary virginity / celibacy), but, I do agree with her in part in some other areas.

Posts by By Amanda Marcotte:

(Link): Where Are the Men in Child-Free Trend Pieces?

(Link): The Case Against Marrying Young

(Link): “Slut Pills” Would Work Best for Women Who Don’t Have Lots of Sex

(Link): Family-Friendly Workplaces Are Great, Unless You Don’t Have Kids

(Link): Where Are the Men in Trend Stories About Women?

(Link): Men Are From Mars and Women Are From … Mars [Men and Women Are Not That Different]

Continue reading “Posts By A. Marcotte Re Various Topics E.G.: Pre-Marital Sex, Virginity, Modesty Teachings, Marriage, Divorce, Childfree, Birth Control, Early Marriage, Gender Roles, Female Libido, etc”

Daddy Dearest: How Purity Culture Can Turn Fathers into Idols (Purity Ball Photos)

Daddy Dearest: How Purity Culture Can Turn Fathers into Idols
———————————–
One thing I’d also like to add that is damaging about these purity balls is that

1. The parents involved with these purity balls ASSUME their daughters will grow up and marry.

What if their daughters never marry?

2. Male virginity is not taught, stressed, or supported by these groups.

I’ve yet to hear of a “Male Purity Ball,” where sons are encouraged to “pledge their virginity” to dear old mom. Why the double standard? Why are women expected to be virgins, but not the men?

(Link): Daddy Dearest: How Purity Culture Can Turn Fathers into Idols

    Our pledges belong to the Heavenly Father, not our earthly ones.

by Gina Dalfonzo

When we see a man and a woman holding each other tenderly, wearing fancy clothes, we think wedding, marriage, romance. It’s simply instinctive. So when looking through a series of purity ball portraits—girls in white dresses, beside loving fathers—we’re seeing something very familiar, but in a very different context. This juxtaposition strikes as jarring at best, inappropriate at worst.

The blogosphere erupted with their reactions to (Link): Swedish photographer David Magnusson’s “Purity” series. “Thoroughly f—ing weird … striking and frankly terrifying,” opined Tom Hawking at Flavorwire.

Jessica Valenti at AlterNet called the pictures “beautiful [but] disturbing.” In message boards and Facebook groups and comment sections around the Internet, words like “creepy” and “strange” were thrown around. On the flip side, there were those who said you’d have to be “perverted” to think there was anything wrong with the pictures.

Continue reading “Daddy Dearest: How Purity Culture Can Turn Fathers into Idols (Purity Ball Photos)”

When We Sacrifice a Girl’s Innocence from NatePyle.com Re: Modesty and Purity Teachings

When We Sacrifice a Girl’s Innocence

(Link): When We Sacrifice a Girl’s Innocence from NatePyle.com

Excerpt:

    How can a girl keep her innocence when we tell her she is dangerous? How can she feel innocent when her sexuality is directly linked to the danger in the world? The message we send to our girls and women is, “The world is not safe for you because of you.”

    Rather than protecting the innocence of both boys and girls, we sacrifice the innocence of a girl by warning her of the impact she unwittingly makes for the sake of the boy’s innocence. By trying to protect the innocence of boys we destroy the innocence of girls.

    … I’m sick and tired of men acting as if they are unable to control themselves. Men are warned to never meet one-on-one with women as if the allure of a woman will be so overwhelming powerful that a man will be unable to control himself.

((Read the Rest Here))
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Related posts:

(Link): Beauty Redefined Site Discusses Modesty: Modest Is Hottest?

(Link): Modesty: A Female-Only Virtue? – Christian Double Standards – Hypocrisy

(Link): Male Modesty and Male Shaming

(Link): When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped

(Link): Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)

(Link): Modesty Teachings – When Mormons Sound like Christians and Gender Complementarians

Preacher Believes Women Deserve Being Raped – especially if they’re wearing Yoga pants

Preacher Believes Women Deserve Being Raped – especially if they’re wearing Yoga pants

What a nutter and a slime ball.

I have to say though, that I’m not on board with the whole feminist “slut shaming” view – one of the reports below contextualizes crazy man Saxton’s views as being slut-shaming.

I don’t think women who have been sexually assaulted are sluts or that they “deserved” to be assaulted, but I do disagree with feminists who reject any notion of sexual boundaries concerning consensual sex (links at bottom of post address that).

If this Saxton guy gets raped by another man (or raped by a woman), can I chalk it up to him wearing jeans and t-shirts?

(Link): College Preacher Says Women ‘Deserve Rape’ for Wearing Yoga Pants (Video)

Excerpts

    “One street preacher said, ‘You know, if you dress like it, you act like it, different things like that, you’re asking for it.’ Therefore, you deserve rape. And his last three words I felt like were nice, and I decided to put them on a sign, and go to the event.”

“I believe there are certain qualities that may be worthy of rape,” claimed Saxton. “If a woman dresses proactively, gets blackout drunk, and is wearing really revealing clothing, then I would say that she is partially responsible for the rape.”

However, Saxton failed to cite any Bible verses to back up his bizarre claim that women should be raped because of their clothing.

According to The Huffington Post, Saxton also opposes feminism, Miley Cyrus, rock music, homosexuals, sex before marriage and Muslims.

(Link): Yoga pants will get you raped, Pastor tells women

    In a new video published on Monday, a pastor from Arizona, who is known for his rants against women and saying that women “deserve” rape, defended his position.

Continue reading “Preacher Believes Women Deserve Being Raped – especially if they’re wearing Yoga pants”

Christians Blaming the Woman – again: Regarding: How Women Can Make Church a Safe Place for Men by D. Gresh

Christians Blaming the Woman – again: Regarding: How Women Can Make Church a Safe Place for Men by D. Gresh

Here’s the link, with my comments below the excerpts from the article.

BTW, this is written by the same woman who wrote (Link): the page referenced to in this blog post.

(H/T to “Stuff Christian Culture Likes” Facebook group, which is where I first saw this mentioned.)

By the way. If married sex is so hot – as evangelicals and other conservative Christians often claim, which they do to propagandize youth to retain virginity until marriage- then a married man should be satisfied with his wife and his wife alone and would not even notice if a woman walks by with naked boobs hanging out of her blouse.

These lame-o, quasi-sexist editorials telling women to dress modestly should not be necessary if Christian married sex propaganda were true.

(Link): How Women Can Make Church a Safe Place for Men, by Dannah Gresh

Excerpts:

    Please understand that my husband, Bob, is a godly man in full-time Christian ministry. Like most men, though, he is subject to visual temptation.

    Christian psychologist Mark Laaser estimates that 30 percent of Christian pastors and leaders struggle with pornography. Among Christian men in general, more than 60 percent are estimated to struggle with continual sexual compulsions of some type.

    Those are scary numbers. I wouldn’t share them with you if they hadn’t been substantiated repeatedly.

    My husband’s ministry involves helping men of all ages live lives of mental purity—a battle he himself wages daily. Bob gets into the faces of other men and asks them to name the specific distractions they need to remove from their lives in order to live in sexual integrity.

    You’d expect them to name temptations such as the Internet, R-rated movies, magazine covers, even the giant Victoria’s Secret display ads in the mall. But sadly, they often point to a surprisingly different pit—and they fall into it every Sunday.

    “I’m struggling with the way women dress in church,” they groan. They are specific in adding those two words—in church—because the location is what makes them feel so vulnerable.

Here was my reply that I left on the page:

    I’m a visually oriented female. Shouldn’t Christian publications be telling males to dress modestly so as not to cause me, their sister in Christ, to stumble? (It’s a false proposition that only males are visually stimulated, but Christians keep teaching this view.)

    Or, maybe Christian publications like this can explain that a man is responsible for his own thought life and sexual behavior, just like I am when I get a glimpse of one of my movie actor crushes, Hugh Jackman, shirtless in X-Men films? (hubba hubba)

    Or should we all write Mr. Jackman and tell him to keep his shirt on so as not to cause me to stumble? Should Mr. Jackman be made responsible for my thoughts or actions?

    I also have to point out that there is no universally agreed upon criteria for what constitutes “modest attire.” The most conservatively dressed Christian woman in America in a full length skirt and frilly, long sleeved blouse would be considered a scantily clad harlot and bimbo in Muslim-based nations that require women to wear head to toe burkas.

    Here in America, I’ve had men make passes at me and make cat calls at me while I was wearing baggy, sloppy shorts or pants and no make-up, while other guys get turned on when I’m in a slinky, sexy dress.

    Yet other men have hit on me when I have some make up on and casual, modest clothing, such as a T shirt and jeans. What one man considers “modest” another considers oh so sexy.

    A woman can not dress to prevent any and all men from getting the hots, getting turned on, and drooling.

Christians need to put the onus where it belongs: on men for sexual sin if they are the ones finding themselves falling.

Good comment by someone on the SCCL group (Link): thread about the editorial:

    comment by Amanda Welker

    [Welker quoting Gresh]
    “He can’t help it. It’s a simple fact of visual science!”
    “When a guy gets “intoxicated,” his body can’t help but react.”
    “God created him to be visually stimulated.”
    “Yet many Christian women contribute to the hanging Sunday after Sunday.”

    From what the author is saying, I think God is the one who contributes to a man’s hanging Sunday after Sunday for creating men in such a way.

    Maybe the article should be titled “How God Can Make Church a Safer Place for Men” and implore God to change the wiring of man.

    But nah, let’s make women the scapegoat again and shame them for simply existing.

Other pertinent remarks from that group thread:

Fifty Shades of Feminine Hypocrisy – editorial by Gresh, discusses slut shaming, rape culture, modesty – has points I agree and disagree with

Fifty Shades of Feminine Hypocrisy – editorial

This editorial had some points I agreed with but some I did not. Under this long excerpt are rebuttals by a reader of this editorial on Christian Post.

(Link): Fifty Shades of Feminine Hypocrisy, by Dannah Gresh

Excerpts:

    April 16, 2014|4:39 pm
    Recently, modesty proponents have been accused of promoting “rape culture” by both faith-based and mainstream bloggers and columnists. The thinking, led by secular third wave feminists, asserts that discussing modesty “sexualizes women” which in turn contributes to rape crimes.

    During the same time period over 100 million readers made E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey the fastest-selling paperback of all time. Barna research reports no statistical difference in the percentage of Christian women versus the general public reading the series, which glamorizes sexual violence against women. The Christian media has been largely silent on this issue.

    As a leader in both the modesty movement and the fight against women being victimized by pornography and erotica, I find the Christian response to reveal a tragic double standard.

    Does teaching modesty promote “rape culture”? A better question to begin with is this: does “rape culture” even exist?

    Last month, a TIME Magazine article declared that it was “Time To End Rape Culture Hysteria.” Writer Caroline Kitchens championed the report of the nation’s leading anti-sexual violence organization, RAINN, which rebuked the overemphasis on the concept of “rape culture” as a means of preventing rape, citing that 90% of rapes on college campuses are committed by 3% of the male population. RAINN argues that rape is the product of individuals who have decided to disregard the overwhelming cultural messages that rape is wrong.

    The fact is rape crime is on the decline.

    …. The RAINN report argues that the trend towards focusing on cultural factors “has the paradoxical effect of making it harder to stop sexual violence, since it removes the focus from the individual at fault, and seemingly mitigates personal responsibility for his or her own actions.”

    … The “rape culture” idea is a feminist dogma implying that ultimately all women are victimized by men. This monolithic generalization paralyzes us from focusing together on how we can continue the good work of reducing the number of victims.

    The reduction would begin by cancelling out the fallacious “victim” label placed on those who’ve been encouraged to dress modestly. Case in point is the current verbal riot occurring over an Evanston, Illinois public school dress code, which showcases well how harmful the “rape culture” vultures can be. Under allegations that the school recently banned leggings and yoga pants, feminists accused the district of “slut shaming” girls.

    …And there’s nothing wrong with teaching Christian girls and women that God wants nothing they wear to distract from the good works they do and the great minds God’s given to them. In fact, from a biblical perspective it’s very right.

    …This same sad dichotomy is seen in the Christian dialogue with bloggers fueling the self-proclaimed “evangelistic” rhetoric of third wave feminists under the guise of Christian socialism, while those on the front lines as activists-teaching girls and women to respect themselves by training them in the biblical concepts of modesty and purity, and binding the wounds of those victimized by porn and erotica-take the blows of their hollow arguments.

    … The Christian media should lead the charge in righting this grave double standard. That is, unless, we are going to continue to take our cues from the feminist culture, which applies “tolerance” to any sexual preference unless it lines up with God’s plan for sexuality.

Responses by readers of the editorial:

    by RoyalCourt

    This is one of those topics where both sides – secular feminists and Christians – get some points right, but get some points wrong. I’ve nothing against parents teaching daughters to dress modestly – however, there are some incorrect assumptions being made by Christians who teach modesty.

    First of all, women are visually stimulated too, not just men, as Christians erroneously teach. There is a double standard, though, where Christians only tell women to dress modestly, but never advise young, hot sexy men with nice bods to keep their t-shirts on.

    Secondly, modesty should not be taught to females in such a way to suggest that they are responsible for the male gaze or male sexual sins.

    In the end scheme of things, it matters not if a buxom, nuible young thing parades naked in front of a Christian man: he is still responsible for his thought life and his actions, regardless of how a woman is dressed.

    Lastly, what one man considers modest another would still consider immodest, sexy, or a “turn on.” There is no universally-agreed upon definition or dress code for what constitutes “modest,” unless Christians want to start forcing all women to wear Islamic burkas.

    Continue reading “Fifty Shades of Feminine Hypocrisy – editorial by Gresh, discusses slut shaming, rape culture, modesty – has points I agree and disagree with”

Modesty Teachings – When Mormons Sound like Christians and Gender Complementarians

Modesty Teachings – When Mormons Sound like Christians and Gender Complementarians

It’s creepy and alarming at times how some Christians wind up with beliefs or theology that sounds a lot like the things cults and what all believe, from Calvinism’s mirroring of Islam’s view of God, Christian gender complementarian views mirroring those of Islamic view of women, and the modesty and chastity teachings of Mormons.

While I am not an advocate of either men or women dressing slutty, I’m puzzled by some dress codes and think modesty teachings are, overall, pretty moronic as well as hypocritical, as all emphasis is placed upon females.

I’ve yet to deduce how or why American males find female arms sexy – some of them, after all, in their modesty teachings, teach girls and women to keep their arms covered. Some Christians (and Mormons) are against any top or blouse with spaghetti straps. I have no idea why, as there is nothing terribly sexy or tawdry about spaghetti straps.

I don’t think I agree with the comment in this page by a Mormon that
“Modesty is the foundation stone of chastity,” since a woman (or man) can be just as slutty in baggy jeans and while wearing a parka as a woman in stiletto heels and a mini-skirt (or for men, tight jeans and a tank or mesh shirt). It’s not the packaging, but the behavior.

I don’t have the quote below, but in the article, so intense is this stupid modesty teaching among females in Mormonism, that there is an anecdote about a four year old girl who refuses to go to the zoo with her granny until granny helps her put a t-shirt under her sun dress.

A four year old girl should not even be thinking in terms of sexuality, modesty, etc. I believe religious teachings that start out with good intentions do a lot of damage to their adherents, modesty being one of them.

(Link): Does Mormon modesty mantra reduce women to sex objects?

Excerpts.

    Peggy Fletcher Stack / Salt Lake Tribune
    Mar 4, 2014

    SALT LAKE CITY (RNS) When Mormon leaders sense a decline of moral standards in the world, they roll out sermons on modesty.

    In the 1960s and early ’70s, they preached against miniskirts and hot pants; in today’s sex-drenched society, it’s spaghetti straps, bare midriffs and skinny jeans.

    The message remains largely the same: Cover up, lest you cause the males around you to sin.

    It’s often couched in the rhetoric of “virtue” and usually aimed at young women, even girls.

    “Modesty is the foundation stone of chastity,” former Young Women leader Elaine S. Dalton said in the May 2007 Liahona, an international LDS magazine. “Just as one does not hike trails inhabited by rattlesnakes barefoot, similarly in today’s world it is essential to our very safety to be modest.”

    The next year, the Utah-based faith’s Young Women program added “virtue” as one of the values to which Mormon girls ages 12- 17 should strive, but it was defined chiefly as sexual purity or chastity.

    This concern has reached down to girls as young as 4.

    …. Bare shoulders, even on children, are off-limits in LDS Church publications. An illustration in the December 2011 Ensign, the official magazine for adult Mormons, even added sleeves to female angels in one of painter Carl Bloch’s masterpieces.

    Continue reading “Modesty Teachings – When Mormons Sound like Christians and Gender Complementarians”

Pastor ‘bans women from wearing underwear at his church’

Pastor ‘bans women from wearing underwear at his church’

(Link): Kenyan Church Pastor Bans Female Parishioners From Wearing Underwear

    NAIROBI, Kenya (CBSDC/AP) – A local pastor has ordered all women who attend service at Lord’s Propeller Redemption Church to refrain from wearing undergarments while attending so that they can more easily receive the spirit of Jesus Christ.

The Kenyan Daily Post is reporting that a pastor identified only as “Reverend Njohi” claimed bras and underwear are not godly. Additionally, the paper says Njohi wants women who attend service at the church to be “free,” and that there would be consequences for those who do not comply.

NAIROBI, Kenya (CBSDC/AP) – A local pastor has ordered all women who attend service at Lord’s Propeller Redemption Church to refrain from wearing undergarments while attending so that they can more easily receive the spirit of Jesus Christ.

The Kenyan Daily Post is reporting that a pastor identified only as “Reverend Njohi” claimed bras and underwear are not godly. Additionally, the paper says Njohi wants women who attend service at the church to be “free,” and that there would be consequences for those who do not comply.

(Link): Kenya Pastor Orders Woman to Attend Church Without Underwear ‘So God Enters Them Easier’

    The women were reported to have adhered to the new rule and attended the Church’s following service without any undergarments. They were even advised to check their daughters were not wearing anything under their outer clothes.

The church is located in Dandora, an eastern suburb of Nairobi.

(Link): Pastor Orders Female Members To Remove Underwear So God Can Enter Their Bodies

    Mar 3, 2014

Kenyan pastor Rev. Njohi has raised not only a few eyebrows but red flags with his unorthodox suggestion of having his female congregants remove their bras and underwear before coming to church, so that Christ can freely enter their bodies with his spirit, according to The Kenyan Daily Post.

(Link): Pastor ‘bans women from wearing underwear at his church’

    A pastor has reportedly told women attending his church not to wear underwear so they can feel closer to God.

  • The strange request was apparently made by Reverend Njohi at his ministry in Nairobi, Kenya.
  • The female congregants were forbidden from wearing bras and underwear during his service at the Lord’s Propeller Redemption Church, according to the Kenyan Post.
  • Njohi reportedly said worshippers needed to feel free in their ‘mind and body’ when attending, but strangely did not say men needed to leave their pants at home as well.
  • The pastor added there would be grave consequences if his female members did not adhere to the new rule, which was reportedly adhered to as most women are said to have attended the next service with no underwear.

——————
Related posts, this blog:

(Link): Church allows nude worship because ‘Jesus was crucified naked’

(Link): Preachers Who Use Strippers, Hula Girls, Topless Hunky Men, and Strip Poles During Church Services and Give Sex Diplomas to Teens – Yes, Really

(Link): Minister spanked naked bottoms to administer ‘spiritual discipline’, court hears

Uproar at ‘Biblezine’ sex tips for kids / Christians in Aussie Public School Religious Classes Teaching Girl Students “Not To Make Their Nipples A Distraction and Temptation for Men”

Uproar at ‘Biblezine’ sex tips for kids / Christians in Aussie Public School Religious Classes Teaching Girl Students “Not To Make Their Nipples A Distraction and Temptation for Men”

Most of my commentary on these stories are farther below the excerpts.

(Link): Teaching children that dinosaurs didn’t exist: how public schools fail their brief by Marion Maddox

    Feb 25, 2014
    Religious education in Australian schools should be scrutinised: most parents do not want children to be taught creationism, or their daughters told that their nipples are a ‘temptation to men’

Most people who read this are probably going to focus on the dinosaur teaching, and even get offended at the ‘homosexual feelings’ comment. I am not terribly interested in any of that. Here is where I got tripped up (emphasis mine):

    Another primary school’s principal demanded an apology and is now hosting a departmental investigation after SRI [Special Religious Instruction] volunteers gave year 6 children a “Biblezine,” advising girls how to avoid making their nipples a “distraction and temptation to men,” explaining that wives must “submit” to husbands and instructing children never to act on homosexual feelings. She called the material “completely inappropriate,” “against fundamental school values” and said it “smacks in the face of everything we do.”

Oh please.

In case you are wondering, this is a Christian group teaching this nonsense (from (Link): Vic principal calls for abolition of compulsory religious instruction):

    SAMANTHA DONOVAN: The system, I understand, in Victoria has changed, in that now parents can opt in to the classes, whereas previously it was an opt-out system. Doesn’t that give parents more of an option?

    JOE KELLY: Yes, it does and it doesn’t. It was very clear at this school that parents were very confused about what actually was on offer.

    Quite a number of them thought the course was a study of religion, a comparative religious course – which I have no objection to.

    But the course is not that – it is one, it is a course of instruction in Christian dogma, and there are children that attend this program because parents, for a whole range of reasons, either don’t understand exactly what it is, I’ve spoken to some parents who have their children going because they don’t want them sitting out in the corridors doing nothing for that period of time. I’ve had other parents say, look, my husband’s Indian, we have our own religion, but I don’t want my son to look different or to be out of sync with the rest of the class.

    So there’s a very dysfunctional element about the whole management of it.

But wait, there’s more – more insanity:

(Link): Uproar at ‘Biblezine’ sex tips for kids

    Feb 22, 2014
    by Jill Stark

    Parents and teachers have called for an urgent overhaul of religious education in schools after year 6 children were given material claiming girls who wear revealing clothes are inviting sexual assault, and homosexuality, masturbation and sex before marriage are sinful.

    Students at Torquay College were presented with “Biblezines” as a graduation present at the end of their Christian education program, run by Access Ministries – the government accredited provider of religious instruction in Victorian schools.

    The magazines, Refuel 2 and Revolve 2 – which intersperse the text of the New Testament with dating advice, beauty tips and music reviews – warn girls not to go bra-less because “your nipples are much more noticeable and a distraction and temptation for men”, and not to wear tube tops and low-rise jeans because men are “sexually stimulated by what they see”.

    “The Bible says not to cause anyone else to sin. Are you putting sexual thoughts about your body into guys’ heads? If you are showing a lot of skin you probably are,” it states.

    The material, produced by the News Corp-owned Nelson Bibles, America’s largest Christian publishing house, also “exposes the lie of safe sex”, claiming that condoms condone promiscuity, and urges those who think they are gay never to act on it.

    In response to an agony aunt-style question about, “How far can you go before you are no longer pure?”, the document reads: “Let’s put it this way: How much dog poop stirred into your cookie batter does it take to ruin the whole batter.”

    …. Access Ministries says it did not approve the Biblezines, or their content, and they were a graduation gift from local churches, which normally donate traditional Bibles.

    In a statement, chief executive Evonne Paddison said: “This year there was a huge rush for the Bibles and, for reasons we do not yet understand, it seems as though 15 copies of Refuel 2 were handed out. Students were asked to return them on the day . . . Our agreed curriculum teaches the basic beliefs of the Christian faith and does not stray into areas of sexuality at all. We are extremely disappointed that this has occurred and will continue to investigate how it happened.”
    [—- end article excerpt ———]

There are parts of this stuff I actually agree with, and parts I do not.

Continue reading “Uproar at ‘Biblezine’ sex tips for kids / Christians in Aussie Public School Religious Classes Teaching Girl Students “Not To Make Their Nipples A Distraction and Temptation for Men””

Links About Sex Week / Male Modesty & Male Shaming / Online Dating Scammers / Female Sexuality / Rampant Pre Marital Sex Among Christians / Single Christian Women Feel Pressured to Fornicate In Dating / other topics (Link Dump)

Reports About Sex Week / Male Modesty / Online Dating Scammers / Rampant Pre Marital Sex Among Christians / Single Christian Women Feel Pressured to Fornicate In Dating / other topics (Link Dump)

I do not have the patience to make separate posts out of each link / story / topic below, so here is another link dump, with links to lots of different sex, infertility, marriage, online dating, purity, and whatever, editorials and stories.

I’m not necessarily in agreement with any or all of the views expressed in any of these pages. I post them only because they touch on topics I regularly discuss on this blog.

Some of these links from The Christian Post I present below are from the last two to three weeks, but they cover topics I already discussed here on this blog weeks before (CP authors are sometimes weeks or a couple of months behind material I post to this blog first).

Sometimes, The Christian Post quotes people I don’t agree with about everything, such as Mark Regnerus – see this link and this link for more about that.

Regnerus pushes for early marriage and seems to engage in a bit of singles-shaming (blaming singles who want marriage for being single, for not being able to find a partner), which is wrong. You can see the links above for more about that.

About me covering stories before The Christian Post does.

Take this first link of their below as an example – not only did I cover this story first (on Jan 28, 2014 here, this link, but also on Feb 8, 2014, see this link), but also some of the web sites the author references in his series (which makes me wonder if he’s been to my blog and is copying my material):

(Link): Christian Dating Culture (Part 1): Majority of Christian Singles Reject Idea of Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex

Excerpts:

    • BY MORGAN LEE, CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER

February 12, 2014

Survey Reveals That 61% of Christian Singles Are Willing to Have Casual Sex

A majority of single Christians are rejecting biblical doctrine by choosing to have sex before they are married. Sixty-one percent of self-identified Christian singles who answered a recent ChristianMingle survey said they are willing to have casual sex without being in love, while only 11 percent said they are waiting to have sex until they are married.

…But despite this realization, after Lindsey moved to New York, she did not abide by this new sexual ethic. Instead, she entered and exited relationships frequently, often sleeping with the men she was dating.

“Even though I knew it was wrong, I continued to have sex outside of marriage,” Lindsey told The Christian Post. “Why? Because when you’re single you don’t want to be lonely.”

“I was the girl that broke up with one boyfriend and had another one on speed-dial—that afternoon I’d already be going out with somebody else. I kept a boyfriend because I liked the attention,” she continued.

For Lindsey, her behavior was not simply a result of her conforming to the sexual values of her non-Christian peers. Instead, she had friends from church with similar sexual ethics and even dated and became sexually involved with a man who was serving at the same church that she was.

“We all went to the church. We were hypocrites. We said we loved the Lord but we ignored the scriptures that said that fornication is a sin,” said Lindsey.

Lindsey eventually cut off all people that had been a part of that lifestyle. Several years ago she got married and moved to Atlanta, where, now 31, she is the founder and CEO of Pinky Promise, an organization that encourages single and married women to “rise above cultural pressures and to “stay determined to live for Christ regardless of their circumstances.”

So she’s a fornicator being used as an example of sexual purity now? LOL.

Why do Christians do this? You have actual, honest- to- God virgins who are over 30 and 40 years of age, but Christians rarely if ever seek them out for inspiration or interviews. Instead, they seek out people who engaged in fornication constantly, and ask them to serve as role models about sexual purity.

This odd situation is a topic I have addressed in older posts, including this link (“born again virgins”), this link, this link, or this link, How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity).

(Link): Christian Dating Culture (Part 2): Does Church Attendance Impact How Often You Have Sex?

Excerpts:

    • BY MORGAN LEE, CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
    February 13, 2014

Christians who attend church and read the Bible at least three times a week are less likely to have sex outside of marriage than those who do not engage in those religious practices.

In a 2012 study of Millenial Christians by the National Association of Evangelicals and Grey Matter Research, only respondents who attended worship services at least once a month were considered. Of the 1,007 polled by NEA and GMR, only 44 percent of unmarried Evangelicals ages 18-29 had had sex.

In contrast, in a ChristianMingle study released in January, only 50 percent of female Christians and 39 percent of Christian males said that they went to church at least once a month. Of the 716 Christians surveyed, 90 percent of them said they would be comfortable with premarital sex and 61 percent without any strings attached.

… Mark Regenerus, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin, concurred with the findings of this research.

“When you see greater religiosity, you’re more apt to have measured at the same time a more pronounced awareness of the sexual norms of Orthodox Christian communities and a person’s willingness to abide by them,” he told The Christian Post in an email.

Regenerus also pointed to the lack of institutions also promoting the church’s ethic of abstinence as one reason for the high numbers.

“It’s certainly true that unmarried Christian adults are more ‘at risk’ on sexual matters (attitudes, behaviors), because there are now few (and maybe no other) institutions that reinforce Christian sexual ideals today. And there are more unmarried Christian adults too. So it’s a recipe for some cultural clash over sex, for sure,” he wrote.

Daniel Weiss, the founder and president of The Brushfires Foundation, whose organization exists to help “people discover and live out God”s design for sexuality and relationships,” said that the Church must wake up to the fact that it is not the primary influencer of many Christian young people’s sexual ethics.

(Link): Christian Dating Culture (Part 3): Women Struggle in Dating Scene That Expects Openness to Premarital Sex

Excerpts:

    • BY MORGAN LEE, CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
    February 14, 2014

Evidence suggests that Christians are increasingly tolerant of casual sex, but what does the dating scene look like for those who are choosing not to engage in premarital sex?

A ChristianMingle poll released last month suggests that Christians are increasingly open to having sex outside of marriage. Sixty-one percent of the 716 Christians surveyed said they would be willing to have sex without any strings attached. Only 11 percent indicated they would be willing to wait until marriage.

To get a sense of what the dating landscape looks like for Christian women who are unwilling to treat sex casually, The Christian Post talked with three women who shared how they feel their moral convictions are treated by men and the culture at large.

Sexual ethics of Christian men

Several years ago Lisa Anderson signed up for online dating.

Anderson, 42, who heads Boundless, Focus on the Family’s ministry to singles and young adults, and is single herself (“I am the true 40-year-old virgin” she laughs,) decided to be upfront with potential boyfriends about where her sexual ethics lay.

“As I got to know these guys, I think they sensed pretty early on that I was not going to go there, so I think that that probably ended it. It was never a situation where we’re together and that’s going to go too far so I stopped it,” Anderson told CP.

Yet she was surprised that many of the Christian men on online dating sites openly admitted that they expected sex in a relationship.

Continue reading “Links About Sex Week / Male Modesty & Male Shaming / Online Dating Scammers / Female Sexuality / Rampant Pre Marital Sex Among Christians / Single Christian Women Feel Pressured to Fornicate In Dating / other topics (Link Dump)”

Slut-Shaming Is Bad—But The Overreaction Against It Also Hurts Women by J. Doverspike

Slut-Shaming Is Bad—But The Overreaction Against It Also Hurts Women by J. Doverspike

(Link): Slut-Shaming Is Bad—But The Overreaction Against It Also Hurts Women by J. Doverspike

    • by Jennifer Doverspike
    Jan 30, 2014

Do you believe there is a double standard in our approaches to female and male sexual behavior?

Do you believe women should be able to wear what they like, and date whom they like, without wholesale societal judgment?

That moral and religious arguments against certain behaviors is outdated, anachronistic, paternalistic, and patriarchal?

That the sexual revolution in all its glory was a net “win” for America and for the world?

Then you’re probably using, and perhaps overusing, the term “slut-shaming.”

[slut shaming defined]

slut-shame

    • [sluht sheym]: 1. To make any person feel guilty or inferior for certain sexual behaviors or desires; to send negative reinforcement to women expressing their sexuality while not directing similar messages or even engaging positively with men who express similar sexuality.
    2. To express any concern whatsoever about crude, sexual, or lewd behavior from men or women, especially if you’re a traditionalist.

Okay, that last definition was mine.

As a regular reader of Huffington Post, Jezebel, and Think Progress, I was already intimately familiar with the concept of slut-shaming, but it really hit the mainstream (Link): after Miley Cyrus’s annoying twerk-tastic performance at the Video Music Awards. (Accompanied by Robin Thicke, who doesn’t get nearly enough or similar amounts of crap for his Blurred Lines video. Because people take at face value his claim that it’s mostly parody. And because he’s a man.)

Was Miley exhibiting strong feminist behavior or was she demonstrating just how exploited a young Disney star could become? I’m not really sure and I don’t really care. What I do care about is this ridiculous new word in our lexicon and how it’s taking over every interaction in our lives regarding sexual behavior.

Jezebel, of all places, (Link): has an author that somewhat agrees with me on this point.

    As an accessible concept, “slut-shaming” has made it easy and convenient to point out insidious sex-negative sexism. It’ s even graced the pages of the New York Times — a testament to its institutional legitimacy as a concept (we made it!) and to its pervasiveness (we’re everywhere!).

Putting aside the fact that being in the pages of the New York Times doesn’t mean the concept is everywhere (my circle of actual real people who live real lives over here in Oklahoma had never heard of it), Callie Beusman does make some great points.

    “Slut-shaming” doesn’t mean anything anymore. When we call everything slut-shaming, we seriously erode its power as a concept. It’s like the Boy Who Cried Wolf: automatically say that anything that expresses a not-entirely-positive view of something sexual is “shaming,” …Furthermore, the proliferation of “slut-shaming” has resulted in an inaccurate conflation of “being critical” and “prudishly or maliciously taking issue with female sexuality.” Not all criticisms of public displays of sexiness are meant to shame, which is something many people seem to have lost sight of.

Pretty impressive for a term I’d bet half of us had never heard of.

An article entitled (Link): ”When Slut Shaming Begins at Home” on Parent Magazine’s blog demonstrates those issues (yes, Parents Magazine. Now it is everywhere).

    The seeds of slut-shaming are all too often planted well before their children reach the confusion of their teen years—and it all has to do with our society’s expectations of girls and women…

Girls try to emulate the girls and women they’ve grown up idolizing by wearing revealing clothing or posting sexy images online.

This upsets and worries parents, who often end up slut-shaming their kids as a result… What does wearing shorts have to do with this girl’s worth?

I’m pretty sure that her body is her own and that wearing short shorts hurts no one, except for maybe the parents who can’t handle the idea of their baby growing up and becoming a sexual being with her own identity.

There we have it, ladies and gentlemen. Telling your daughter, in effect, “you can’t leave the house looking like that” is slut-shaming. (Some of the examples in that article have parents actually telling their daughters that they look like sluts or calling someone else a slut. I don’t condone modeling pejorative language like that in front of our kids, so that’s something on which we see eye-to-eye).

“Parenting,” as (Link): Christina Pelosi posits in the Huffington Post, ”and slut shaming are two separate things.”

    Slut shaming is telling your daughter that twerking is bad because that will make people think she’s a dirty girl and ruin her chances of catching a good husband.

Parenting is telling your daughter that twerking is bad because it conveys an absence of self-respect and dignity.

…We can’t be so afraid of slut shaming that we won’t tell our daughters when their shorts are too short, their moves are too raw, or their make-up is in excess.

Blogger Kimberly Hall was widely accused of slut-shaming with her viral blog post, “FYI (If You’re a Teenage Girl).“

    We have teenage sons, and so naturally there are quite a few pictures of you lovely ladies to wade through. …I think the boys notice other things. For one, it appears that you are not wearing a bra… I can’t help but notice the red carpet pose, the extra-arched back, and the sultry pout. …That post doesn’t reflect who you are at all! We think you are lovely and interesting, and usually very smart. But, we had to cringe and wonder what you were trying to do? Who are you trying to reach? What are you trying to say?

“Wow, Ms. Hall,” says Parents magazine. “Why not raise your boys to see women and girls as three-dimensional people with many facets, many traits, and many awesome qualities?”

Yes it not solely the woman’s responsibility to ensure a man controls himself around her and sees her as more than a sexual object. In fact this belief goes to the core of the original purpose of calling out the practice of slut-shaming.

But when a grown woman or older teenager wears revealing clothing it is for the purpose of looking and feeling sexy. It’s not always for a man’s benefit. She might want her friends to compliment her all night and call her hot. Or it could be for her own sake to get her groove back. Let’s concede the point that there’s nothing wrong with that. In addition let’s concede the clothing doesn’t necessarily have to be “slutty.” I know sometimes I purposely put on my skinny jeans with a tight t-shirt and boots and big hair because I feel like feeling hot. (That’s what hot passes for in these parts. Big hair and all.).

But when a 12-year-old throws on daisy dukes and a sports bra and poses for a selfie with a duck face and an arched back, it is up to a parent to explain exactly what she’s doing. Because guess what? She doesn’t know.

And she doesn’t have to be sheltered or chaste to not fully get it, given that adolescent brains do not benefit from a fully mature pre-frontal cortex and hypothalamus—important for self control, delayed gratification, and risk analysis.

That 12-year-old is imitating what she sees around her.

Or she’s joking around with her friends but doesn’t understand the effect she’s having on her guy friends (or pervy old men).

To explain the power of sexy clothing to a child who doesn’t fully grasp the implications of her actions does not automatically imply you are teaching her that men have no agency in how they look at women.

It’s not teaching her that if she’s assaulted it is her fault (and as we all know rape is more about power than sex so dressing like a nun doesn’t give you some super shield).

It is in fact empowering her to make decisions about her actions and dress with her full knowledge.

When girls don’t get that lesson early in life they may have an unhealthy relationship with their sexuality well into college. The Heritage Foundation’s (Link): 2003 study on teen sexual activity has two key takeaways:

    When compared to teens who are not sexually active, teenage boys and girls who are sexually active are significantly less likely to be happy and more likely to feel depressed.

When compared to teens who are not sexually active, teenage boys and girls who are sexually active are significantly more likely to attempt suicide.

… Conservative writer Wendy Shalit argued in 1999′s A Return to Modesty that the desire to pretend men and women are exactly the same leads us to medicate our boys to have them calm down at school and to teach our daughters to be as casual about sex as boys.

Even as there are women who truly can be that casual, still there are many others, especially younger women not yet confident enough to stand up to society, who try to convince themselves they can be casual and instead bear emotional scars.

Continue reading “Slut-Shaming Is Bad—But The Overreaction Against It Also Hurts Women by J. Doverspike”

Researchers measure increasing sexualization of images in magazines

Researchers measure increasing sexualization of images in magazines

Everything is sexualized in our culture today.

(Link): Researchers measure increasing sexualization of images in magazines

    BY SASKIA DEMELKER

    In a 2011 photo spread for French Vogue, models stretched and slinked on an array of exotic animal furs. Their bodies were covered in jewels. Their faces were flush with rouge. They stared seductively into the camera. Nothing about these scenes would be out of the ordinary in the haute fashion magazine, except that in this case, the models were as young as 10 years old.

    The controversial spread caused a flood of criticism from media watchers and feminist bloggers alike — especially here in the U.S.A. But in a culture where sexuality is more accepted, had the French finally gone too far?

    In response to the Vogue controversy, the French Senate opened an investigation into whether there was a problem with hypersexualzation affecting French children and if so what to do about it.

    And here in the United States a growing body of research has also taken a more critical look at the sexualization of our society.

    Social psychologist Sarah Murnen has studied the hypersexualization of women in media for more than 25 years. The research that she and her colleagues at Kenyon College conducted over the last several years found a steep increase in the pervasiveness of images in magazines that show young women in highly sexual ways. The American Psychological Association defines hypersexualization as “occurring when a person’s value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior to the exclusion of other characteristics.”

    “We’ve seen three trends associated with these images,” said Sarah Murnen, “It’s now common to see more parts of the body exposed. There is more emphasis on the size of women’s breasts. And easy access to all these images has made it all more acceptable to us.”

    In Murnen and her team’s recent analysis of Seventeen magazine’s advertisements and articles, they found that the average number of sexualizing characteristics almost tripled over three decades. In particular, depictions of low-cut tops and tight fitting clothing increased.

    Continue reading “Researchers measure increasing sexualization of images in magazines”