Newlywed Christian Husband Fatally Shot by Stray Bullet as He Slept With Wife

Newlywed Christian Husband Fatally Shot by Stray Bullet as He Slept With Wife

You can get married and still end up all alone – if your spouse dies on or shortly after your wedding (or years later) – but how about these news stories where the bride and/or groom get killed shortly before, after, or during their own wedding?

Towards the end of this news report, someone is quoted as requesting prayer for the widow, that she’s in grief. I bet she is. And I’m sorry for her loss.

However, I wonder why isn’t the church acknowledging the grief of marriage-desiring single women (or men) who remain single? Where are the church’s prayers for the singles who’d like to marry but can’t seem to meet anyone in real life or on dating sites?

Getting married is not a guarantee of happiness, good health, or a long life, as the news story below demonstrates (and I have other examples on my blog of this):

(Link): Newlywed Christian husband fatally shot by stray bullet as he slept with wife

Excerpts:

by Leonardo Blair
January 6, 2023

An Alabama church and its extended Christian family are now grappling with grief and trauma after one of its members, who got married last February, was fatally struck by a stray bullet while in bed with his wife on Wednesday morning.

Huntsville Police Department investigators said 27-year-old Decatur Baptist Church member Andrew Gilliam was the victim of the shooting at the Sunlake at Edgewater apartments off Lakefront Drive around 3 a.m., WAAY reports.

Officials say they found Gilliam with gunshot wounds when they got to the apartment, which he shares with his wife, Robin.

He died from his injuries at Huntsville Hospital. Investigators have still not identified a suspect in the shooting but noted that two other apartments were fired upon, but no one else was injured.

Authorities urge anyone with information that can help with the investigation to call 256-722-7100.

…He further described Gilliam as a “quality individual” who was “very faithful and loyal to his wife” during an interview with WAAY.

Why Can’t Other Christians Understand I Am Happy Being Single? by Emily Brown

Why Can’t Other Christians Understand I Am Happy Being Single? by Emily Brown

The essay I am excerpting below is pretty good and contains a lot of truth.

It’s certainly true that a person who wanted marriage but remains single can eventually learn to accept their own single status, mostly make peace with it, but well-meaning friends and family (Christians are the worst, they worship marriage),
can make one of their well-meaning comments, and it can send you spiraling – until you learn to let it bounce off you, develop boundaries, and let that well-meaning person know that their comment does offend or hurt, even if that wasn’t their intent.

I also recall years ago seeing Christian singer Carman, who died in 2021, who was single until he got married in his 50s, say on a TBN program (while he was single) that he would be going along okay in life doing just FINE with his single status,
until he’d run into a Christian friend or family member who’d make those passing, sometimes well meaning, comments or questions like, “Why are you still single? Aren’t you depressed or lonely being single?”

Carman said on those occasions, his thoughts were, “You know, I WAS doing okay with being single UNTIL you had to rub my single status in my face and act like I SHOULD feel inadequate about it.”

The following is from Relevant, which only permits a person up to around five free articles per month:

(Link): Why Can’t Other Christians Understand I Am Happy Being Single?

Excerpts:

by Emily Brown

As a lifelong single person, I’ve had a lot of time to come to terms with my singleness. And not even just come to terms and begrudgingly accept it, but truly learn to enjoy and love being single.

So when people ask how I feel about being single I don’t have to fake a smile. I excitedly share the happiness and joy I feel about being single.

That being said, there are still moments where I do feel sadness or shame or embarrassment about my singleness.

Do you know why? It’s because of the response people give me when I tell them how I feel about being single. Because when I tell people that I’m single they often respond with some iteration of:

“I’m sure you’ll find someone soon!”

Uh, thanks?

Nowhere in my explanation of my relationship status did I mention I was upset or worried.

Yet why do people — and let me be clear on which people I am specifically talking about: already married Christians — always assume I am sad about being single?

It has been a long, long journey to finding happiness. I worked really, really hard to unlearn the lie that being with someone would make my life complete and replace it with the truth that God is all I need.

I had to realize that there isn’t anything wrong with me and being single is not a curse.

…But it can take just a few words from well-meaning, ultimately misguided people to crack holes in my happiness.

Another Misleading Christian Propaganda Piece About Marriage: ‘She Was Widowed With 3 Kids At 25 But God Had Plans For Her And A Widower To Find Love Again’

Another Misleading Christian Propaganda Piece About Marriage: ‘She Was Widowed With 3 Kids At 25 But God Had Plans For Her And A Widower To Find Love Again’

If this married couple is happy, I’m happy for them.

My problem is not with the couple particularly (well, maybe a little bit, but more on that way below), but my primary concern is that Christian outlets keep carrying these stories, stories which can be very misleading to single, Christian adults who read them and wonder,
“Why did God bless these two in this story with a spouse, but God never sent me a spouse? Where is the spouse I spent years praying for and trusting in God for?”

There are a lot of Christian women out there who wanted to be married, but it never happened for them, including devout Christian women who followed all the evangelical, Baptist, or otherwise Christian, rules they were taught to follow when younger on how to get married.

A devout Christian single who desires marriage can live a godly life, devoted to Jesus, and follow all the “how to get married” books and magazine articles by Christians – but still never get married. Such a person can find him or herself single into his or her 30s, 40s, 50s, or older.

I don’t see too many Christians or publications admit to that possibility and reality – and it’s not just me. In my years of blogging here, I’ve seen many other single, Christian women (and some men) say they are in the same situation, and not just online but on occasionally on Christian television shows that take viewer questions for advice.

I have a lot more to say below this link and excerpts, so please keep reading and scrolling:

(Link): She Was Widowed With 3 Kids At 25 But God Had Plans For Her And A Widower To Find Love Again

Excerpts:

By Mel Johnson On June 23, 2022

Brittany and Daniel Brooker were both widowed at young ages and both had small children to raise. But God led them through their grief to one day find love again as the Brooker Bunch!

At weddings, a couple vows to love one another for “as long as they both shall live.” And most of us assume that life will span multiple decades.

Sadly, though, that’s not always the case. Sometimes lives are cut short. And that was the case for the first marriages of Brittany and Daniel Brooker.

Americans Increasingly Ditching Religious Marriage for Secular, Interfaith Relationships: Study

Americans Increasingly Ditching Religious Marriage for Secular, Interfaith Relationships: Study

Not only has there been a surge in editorials the last few weeks by conservative marriage-pushers beating young people over the head to marry and marry really young (I’ve not gotten around to addressing those articles and editorials)-

But I wouldn’t be surprised in the weeks to come if conservatives, both secular and Christian, don’t see this new study about interfaith marriages being on the rise, freak out, panic, and start publishing a lot of fear-mongering editorials or pod-casts guilt tripping or manipulating Christian singles into abiding by “equally yoked” and not even thinking about marrying a Non-Christian.

I have some more comments to make below these two links with excerpts:

(Link): Americans increasingly ditching religious marriages for secular, interfaith relationships: study

Excerpts:

by L. Blair
Feb 18, 2022

Fifty years ago, religious marriage ceremonies were the norm. Most people got married to someone who shared their faith, and just a small fraction of husbands and wives were in relationships where no one practiced a religion.

That trend, according to the latest American National Family Life Survey, is now on the decline as the influence of religion in society has been progressively fading.

…“Only 30% of Americans who were married within the past decade report having their ceremony in a church, house of worship or other religious location and officiated by a religious leader,” the study said.

Interfaith marriage — a union between people who have different religious traditions — has also grown increasingly common and make up 14% of all marriages. Another 14% of Americans are in a religious-secular marriage where one person does not identify with a faith tradition while the other does

Rebuttal to, Or Observations About, the Kerwin Holmes Jr. Editorial “On Finding ‘The One:’ Another Correction on Christian Teaching Concerning Romance”

Rebuttal to, Or Observations About, the Kerwin Holmes Jr. Editorial “On Finding ‘The One:’ Another Correction on Christian Teaching Concerning Romance”

The following post has been edited after publication to fix typing mistakes or to add more commentary.

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I will be commenting on this editorial about singleness and marriage on The Christian Post:

(Link): On finding ‘the one:’ Another correction on Christian teaching concerning romance by Kerwin Holmes Jr

That post as linked to on The Christian Post’s Facebook page:

(Link): On Finding The One – post on Facebook Page

This guy’s editorial is written in an odd way, so I’m having to go back and re-read it to just to try and comprehend some of the points he’s making.

Maybe I am totally wrong about this, but my impression is that Holmes is either in his 20s at this time, or in his 30s.
(Wait until he’s in his 40s or older and STILL single.  If Holmes still has not married by age 40 or older, his views on these matters will likely shift in time, thanks to good old life experience.)

Also distracting: his first name, Kerwin, reminds me of Kermit the Frog, so I unintentionally keep visualizing Kermit sitting at a keyboard typing this editorial I am reading. (That is not intended to be an ad hominem, just a random aside.)

At the beginning of Holmes’ editorial, he tells readers to view or read dating advice articles or videos by Christian pastors or personalities that he agrees with, such as the works by Reformed pastors or personalities in general and Voddie Baucham in particular .

Let me stop him right there.

I spent years following Christian dating advice (stuff I read or heard in the 1980s and 1990s, advice by and from standard, run- of- the- mill conservative Baptist or evangelical Christians), and none of that smelly, stupid advice ever actually helped me to marry, though I had wanted to be married for many years (I am currently in my 50s and still single). 

As a matter of fact, a lot of Christian dating advice, even the advice by conservative Christians, is counter-productive and actually plays a role in keeping single adults single (this includes, and is not limited to, the “be equally yoked” rule).

Twice-Divorced Lady Suggests That God Told Her He’d Send Her Husband Number Three and She Got Married a Third Time – I Actually Don’t Find This Story Uplifting

Twice-Divorced Lady Suggests That God Told Her He’d Send Her Husband Number Three and She Got Married a Third Time – I Actually Don’t Find This Story Uplifting

The woman who wrote this story for this publication (link is way, way below – she talks about having been twice divorced and was depending on God to send her spouse number three), seems like a genuinely wonderful person, and I am truly sorry she had a broken heart or two.

I am happy for her that her third marriage is working.

However… I stopped finding stories like this uplifting or inspirational years ago. I think they are untrue for most people. I think they’re misleading and give a sense of false hope to singles who’d like to marry.

Here is a link to the woman’s story, with a few excerpts, then I’ll say a few more words under it:

(Link): She Turned to God for Help Finding Mr. Right

After two failed marriages, this mother of two decided to have faith that He would bring her the right partner.

by Katherine Hutchinson-Hayes
July 29, 2021

[She opens her story by saying she was crying in her bathroom]

I held up my bare fin­ger, the one that had once boasted a gorgeous dia­mond ring. Divorced. For the second time. I was a woman of accomplish­ment, a school principal. Mother to two beautiful girls. Yet I was a magnet for men who were not what they seemed. Why couldn’t I get marriage right?

Eugene, the 56 Year Old Man, Tells Christian Show Host He’s Tired of Being Single

Eugene, the 56 Year Old Man, Tells Christian Show Host He’s Tired of Being Single

On today’s “The 700 Club,” host Pat Robertson got a question from a guy who says he’s 56 year old and tired of being alone. (The guy is single and would like a girlfriend, or to marry.)

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again – single adults of America (but especially women!) please (Link): stop asking Pat Robertson for relationship advice.

I’ve watched his “700 Club” show for many years, and Robertson always gives the same 3 to 4 answers to single adults who write him asking him why hasn’t God sent them a spouse, or how do they get a spouse?

And Pat Robertson always tells lovelorn single adults to “go fishing where the fish are,” (i.e, visit locales where you are sure to find single adults), and, he will tell you that “God puts the lonely in families,” which is a load of sh*t – no, God does not always put single adults who may be lonely “into families.”

For women who write in, especially if they are age 40 or older and single and want a spouse, Pat will insultingly tell them that they “sound desperate.” (Seriously; he has done this in the past, see the links below under “Related Posts” for links to examples of this atrocious behavior.)

(I’ve noticed that Robertson never tells the older single MEN who write in saying they are lonely and want a spouse that the MEN “sound desperate.” Robertson only tosses that sexist, insulting comment at single WOMEN.)

Pat Robertson also wrongly believes (and many Christians are like this as well, not just him), that (Link): if you want a spouse and pray for one, that God will of course send you one – which also a bunch of garbage.

So, here is what Eugene wrote in to Pat:

What do I have to do to find that special woman in my life? I’m tired of living alone in life. It’s been 56 years. Please help me, Pat. I read the Bible, but it never seems to help. I love all you guys and enjoy your show.

[Signed] Eugene

You can view / listen to Eugene’s question in this video on You Tube, and it’s around 44.25 into the video.

You can also listen to Pat Robertson’s unhelpful advice in that video to Eugene.

But… Eugene… should you read this, I have this to say to you:

What the Critics Get Right and Wrong Concerning the #WakeUpOlive Phenomenon – Regarding: Prayer – So Christians Really Are Deists

What the Critics Get Right and Wrong Concerning the #WakeUpOlive Phenomenon – Regarding: Prayer- So Christians Really Are Deists 

December 20, 2019

Several days ago, I believe on Friday, December 13, 2019, a little toddler girl named Olive died (Olive Alayne Heiligenthal). 

(Edit, Dec 21, 2019: I saw a report that the church will be holding a memorial service for the little girl, so it looks like at least some of them have accepted that the little girl is gone.

(Link): Hope for girl’s resurrection shifts to Bethel memorial service

(Link): Family giving up prayers to resurrect 2-year-old, ‘moving towards a memorial service’)

I am sorry for her passing. I am sure her parents and other family are in a lot of pain due to her passing. They have my condolences.

Since their little girl Olive has died, the parents and the church they attend – Bethel Church – have been leading a “Wake Up Olive” movement, and some of that is being carried over on Instagram and on Twitter (you can search for it (Link): here on Twitter).

These Bethel people are expecting God to raise Olive from the dead, because they are praying and expecting God to do so.

You can read more background and details about this situation and several news sites, including these:

(Link): In California, a Christian Megachurch Is Trying to Bring a 2-Year-Old Girl Back to Life

(Link): Christian Mega- Church Prays for Resurrection of Two Year Old Girl

I believe the critics of the movement, who have been tweeting regularly about this situation, are right to say that the parents need to accept that their little girl has passed on, and that no amount of prayer or faith is going to bring her back to life.

The little girl has been deceased for about seven days now.

The last I read, a baby sitter put the girl down for a nap, and the girl stopped breathing.

Other sources say that Olive is at a morgue now, has been there a few days, and an autopsy was already performed.

There are other aspects of this story I don’t care to address in this post – for example, some people suspect there is foul play in the death of the girl, and some people think the Go Fund Me set up for this family in light of Olive’s passing is suspicious.

The aspect of this story I want to address is the issue of Prayer and Unanswered Prayer and biblical promises.

I’ve actually addressed these subjects several times over in older blog posts of mine (such as in (Link): this post), but I am seeing them crop up again in light of this story about Olive’s passing.

Now, I am not a Pentecostal.

I am neither a Cessationist or an Anti-Cessationist.

If you’re not familiar with those terms, here is a web page by guys who consider themselves Cessationists who explain what some of these terms mean:
(Link): Is cessationism biblical? What is a cessationist?

So far as my understanding of the Bible is concerned, I am somewhere in the middle of that topic.

I’ve written posts on that in the past such as

(Link): Extra-Biblical Knowledge – My Thougts Expanded and Clarified – And: Christian Deism

While I absolutely do not believe that little Olive is coming back to life on Earth – no matter how much her church prays and believes for that to happen…

….I am just as much in disagreement with the number of Christians I see arguing theology about this matter, especially the ones who are denigrating faith and biblical promises in the process.

I Called Off My Engagement. I Didn’t Feel God’s Peace. by L. Wilbert

I Called Off My Engagement. I Didn’t Feel God’s Peace. by L. Wilbert

I’m not sure I agree completely with this editorial, which I have linked to and excerpted further below. I think it over-spiritualizes things.

When I was engaged, I didn’t feel God’s peace of lack thereof. I had to decide for myself if the guy I was engaged to was right or not. After several years together, I prayed for guidance, because I didn’t know if I should stay or go.

I never did get any guidance from God, not even when I was praying hardest. I ultimately had to make up my own mind.

I really wish that Christians would stop offering this view that if one just trusts God, that God will direct one’s life choices (such as if to marry a certain person or not).

God has never, ever guided me – not when I was engaged, not when I was in my twenties and asking God which college major and career I should pursue. I never felt God’s peace, nor did I feel God saying, “No” to any of those things (and I didn’t feel or hear God saying, “Yes,” either).

I think this article below is just as bad as those articles by Christians who claim God “led them” to their spouse, like the lady who says God sent her a spouse when she went for a walk on the beach (see links about all that at the bottom of this post, under “related”).

Sometimes, the Spirit is going to remain totally silent – the Spirit is not going to give you his blessing or with-hold it.

(Link): I Called Off My Engagement. I Didn’t Feel God’s Peace. by L. Wilbert

Excerpts:

Looking for the right fit in a spouse is often less important than praying for the Spirit’s blessing.

Pat Robertson’s Insensitive Response to Randy with the Unanswered Prayers

Pat Robertson’s Insensitive Response to Randy with the Unanswered Prayers

Someone named Randy sent Pat Robertson a question to Robertson’s 700 Club television show and it was featured in today’s show (Feb 20, 2019). (View questions here)

You can view the particular question under discussion in this post here (also available at the 50 minute mark (Link: on You Tube here):

(Link): Your Questions, Honest Answers: – February 20, 2019

I BELIEVED IN THE POWER OF PRAYER, BUT IT DOESN’T SEEM LIKE GOD LISTENS TO ME. SHOULD I JUST GIVE UP ASKING?

Randy told Pat that he’s been praying over and over for a financial blessing from God, and for his family member to be healed of a physical health problem.

Pat essentially responds that Randy is not getting his prayers answered because he’s being selfish praying for himself.

That response is wrong because the Bible actually instructs believers to pray for their own needs – not just the needs of other people – and Pat did not address the fact that Randy was not praying only for himself but also for the healing of a sick family member.

Pat Robertson’s Too-Vague Response About Unanswered Prayer and Non-Helpful Advice About Anxiety

Pat Robertson’s Too-Vague Response About Unanswered Prayer and Non-Helpful Advice About Anxiety

The episode in question:
(Link): The 700 Club – January 8, 2019

(There is a video of the program embedded on that page hosted on CBN’s / 700 Club’s site. Also, thanks to commentator Stevo below, check (Link): this page on 700 Club’s site for the video)

The portions of that video I am addressing come during the part of the show where the lady co-host reads viewer questions to Pat Robertson, and Robertson replies to them.

I do not remember at what point the question segment airs, whether it’s at the 30 minute mark or later. Unfortunately, they’ve not uploaded the same episode to their You Tube channel (not yet, perhaps they will tomorrow).

I have to rely on memory here because I’ve not re-watched the episode.

Questions were posed to Robertson about unanswered prayer and about anxiety.

And I don’t believe that Robertson did an adequate job of replying to any of the questions.

Cathy The Single Woman Asks Pat Robertson Why God Has Not Replied to Her Prayers for Years to Send Her a Spouse

Cathy The Single Woman Asks Pat Robertson Why God Has Not Replied to Her Prayers for Years to Send Her a Spouse

On the December 10, 2018 episode of Christian program “The 700 Club,” (which you can view (Link): on You Tube here, the letter comes at 45.27 mark in the video) some single lady wrote to Pat Robertson (adult singles, (Link): stop writing Pat Robertson with your relationship questions, you will seldom get an empathetic reply!), and she said,

[Dear Pat],
I have been asking God for a godly husband for years, but it hasn’t happened yet.  So does that mean God doesn’t want me to be married?
[Signed,]
Cathy

Pat Robertson basically tells Cathy that he doesn’t know what to say, but he tacks on his standard “God puts the lonely in families” reply, which I’ve discussed before on this blog: the truth is that no, despite that Bible verse about God putting the lonely in families, that is not true.