The Rhetoric of Singleness Blog – Links, Comments, Thoughts

The Rhetoric of Singleness Blog

Warning: I discovered through further reading that the author of the blog is a complementarian. I disagree with complementarianism; more on that below.

Had I known from the start she is a complementarian, I may not have started composing this post. I am leery of pointing anyone to a complementarian resource, but here we are.

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As of today, I see only a small number of posts on the The Rhetoric of Singleness blog, dating from April 2017, and this blog appears to be from a Christian perspective – but then, her blog does not display a list or pull down menu of all her posts.

Even though the blog looks to be on hiatus, I’ll link to it on the off change the blogger resumes writing again.

The person behind this blog says she’s single, in her 30s, and has yet to marry but would like to.

(Link): The Rhetoric of Singleness Blog – main page

Some of the only posts I am seeing on this blog include:

(Link): Pursuing Marriage

In that “Pursuing Marriage” post, she says she is a believer in gender complementarianism.

For example, here’s part of what she writes:

So, what options does that leave me, a woman with a complementary view of gender roles, of pursuing marriage? I know for some women who see no options left to them there is a strong temptation to bitterness, resentment, and to denigrate our single brothers who are called by God to the leadership role in the pursuit of marriage.

// end excerpt

Oh no. I (Link): used to be a complementarian myself but ditched it by my mid 30s.

I heard all the same stuff from conservative Christians growing up, as this other blogger likely did, such as, how (Link): men are supposed to be the heads in marriages, God supposedly created women pretty much to exist (Link): only to wait on men, and so on.

(And I remained a conservative, even after I realized that complementarianism is false and actually quite sexist – it doesn’t just teach that men and women “complement” one another but that there should be a male hierarchy, of men ruling over women.

Contrary to what complementarians would have you believe, abandoning gender complementarianism will not turn you into a left wing, abortion-supporting, man-hating feminist. I am still right wing, even after leaving complementarianism.)

I am no longer a complementarian, but can pin point complementarianism, among a few other things, as being (Link): one reason as to why I am in my 40s and never got married.

Those “God Brought Me My Spouse” Stories – Woman Says God Brought Her A Spouse on the Beach

Those “God Brought Me My Spouse” Stories – Woman Says God Brought Her A Spouse on the Beach

I’m really not supportive of these types of stories, the type that you see below.

When I was a teen and in my 20s, I would read Christian books and magazine articles. Every so often, I’d see an author claim that God answered her prayers by sending her a Christian spouse.

Now that I’m in my 40s and still not married – in spite of having faith and praying since youth that God would send me a great guy – I think these stories are fanciful and that they are aberrations.

I’m leaning more towards the opinion now that if you want to get married, it’s up to you to make it happen – by going to bars, asking friends to fix you up, going on dating sites – rather than expecting God to make it happen.

So, I find stories like the ones below misleading.

(Link):  Chance meeting on beach leads to marriage with godly man

By Rebecca Hagelin – – Sunday, July 30, 2017

Thirty-four years ago this month, I was fresh out of college and earnestly seeking God’s will in my life. My heart was hungry for a godly man of outstanding character.

And though I had decided that compromise in this most critical of relationships was not an option, I was beginning to doubt whether a man of that quality could possibly exist, or if I would ever find him.

Little did I know that God already had set his answer to my prayers into motion.

Does Jesus Alone Really Fill That Empty Space? And: When God Acts Like An Atheist

Does Jesus Alone Really Fill That Empty Space? And: When God Acts Like An Atheist

I was wondering if anyone else reading this, who accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior (became a Christian), ever experiences a feeling that something is missing in you or your life, or if you ever feel as though there’s a hole in your heart, or if you ever feel an emptiness?

I do at times, and I don’t understand why, since I grew up hearing that everyone has this hole in their heart, and only Jesus can fill it. And, further, if you believe in Jesus, Christians say, that emptiness will go away. What if it does not? Or, what if it returns?

I’ve done the whole Jesus thing. I was a devout Christian for years and years, but at times I still feel as though something is missing.

Viewer Asks Christian Hosts Why They Seldom Pray for Non-Physical Health Problems

I did a post not too long ago wondering the same thing this viewer did (located here), the one who wrote to a Christian TV asking why the hosts, when they pray for the audience, hardly ever pray for people to be healed of broken hearts, anxiety, or depression?

Why is it, that on this Christian show, almost every time they pray for viewers, the prayers are almost always about physical sickness, and occasionally, financial matters?

Pat Robertson’s Unrealistic, Unhelpful Advice to the Unemployed

Pat Robertson’s Unrealistic, Unhelpful Advice to the Unemployed

Pat Robertson is the main host of a Christian television program called “The 700 Club.” This program comes on Monday through Friday. He takes viewer questions at the end of many of the episodes.

I usually give out links to the episodes I discuss, but I didn’t plan on being online tonight, it’s growing late, I’m getting sleeping, and frankly, I’m too sleepy and lazy to google for the link.

On an episode of 700 Club that aired this week – the week of May 22, 2017, or possibly the last part of last week (like around May 18 or 19, 2017), Robertson took a question from some guy who was out of work.

It seems about twice per year, every year, Pat Robertson’s show receives a question from a lady or a man who says they are out of work, they have sent out hundreds of resumes, yet they are not getting employed, and nobody is even calling them in for job interviews.

They sometimes add that they pray constantly and ask God to send them a job, but so far, their prayers seem to be going un-heard, and they want to know why God isn’t helping them.

Christian Viewer Expresses Disappointment in God, Wants To Know Why, In Spite of Years of Service, God is Not Helping Him

Christian Viewer Expresses Disappointment in God, Wants To Know Why, In Spite of Years of Service, God is Not Helping Him

I almost forgot to blog about this. I really related to this guy’s letter (which I’ve included much farther below, both in text and video format – I’ve embedded the video that contains the letter at the bottom).

This guy wrote this question to the hosts of The 700 Club – Gordon Robertson was the host.

I wasn’t too impressed by Gordon’s response – I felt his reply was just “meh” or “so-so.” It was not an awful response, but I didn’t feel it was great and really answered the guy’s concern.

My interest, though, is not in Gordon’s reply, but in the guy’s question (or maybe it was a lady). This letter resonates with me so much. Sometimes I don’t know if God exists or not, and on some days, I skip praying, because some of the same 3 or 4 things I’ve been praying for over a period of ten or more years now have not been answered.

Either there is no God to hear my prayers, or he doesn’t keep the promises he makes in the Bible about meeting our needs and so on.

When All We Hear from God is Silence by Diane Markins

When All We Hear from God is Silence by Diane Markins

I wanted to link to a page about a book by a woman whose name I believe is Kellie Lane, and her book title is “When God is Silent,” but I couldn’t find anything on her or her book – she was interviewed on “The 700 Club” this past week.

(Edit: I did find (Link): this page about her. She was in three abusive marriages, divorced all three, and prayed to God to send her a new spouse, which she later got.)

I did find this:

(Link): When All We Hear from God is Silence by D Markins

Excerpts:

 It happens to every single person alive, even to those whom theretofore hadn’t prayed – a time of desperation or longing when we cry out to God, “Fix this. Change this. Heal this.” And we hear nothing in response.

What does it mean when God is silent in the face of our anguished pleas? Does it mean He doesn’t care, or worse, He doesn’t even exist?

I’ve experienced the quiet echoes of prayers unanswered. When my mother lay in her hospital bed unconscious, doctors explained that her brain was dead and she’d never wake up. I begged God to prove them wrong. She never again responded to my voice or looked into my eyes and soon slipped away from this world permanently while God was silent.

How to Deal with Unanswered Prayers via Pastor Bil Cornelius

How to Deal with Unanswered Prayers via Pastor Bil Cornelius 

According to the time stamp on You Tube, this sermon was uploaded in November 2016, but I don’t recall watching it then. I did see an airing of this episode on TBN this month, just the other day (Feb. 2017).

I was going in and out of the room as this sermon aired, so I missed a few parts of it. From what I heard, however, overall, it was a decent sermon. I didn’t hear too much victim-blaming in it.

Usually, when Christians address the topic of unanswered prayer, they get into victim-blaming; they will assume the reason God has not answered your prayer is you are at fault in some way. I don’t recall hearing too much of that in this sermon.

I will say that one aspect of this sermon that gives me some pause is when the pastor says that God’s answer may be “yes” to your prayer, but not “right now” because God is supposedly waiting for you to mature before he grants you whatever you are praying about.

Singleness: My Only Companion by E. Uwan

Singleness: My Only Companion by E. Uwan

This was originally sent to me by a Twitter friend of mine, ymmarta. So thank you to ymmarta to sending this link my way.

The following is written by a woman who has never been married, engaged, or had a boyfriend.

(Link): Singleness: My Only Companion by E. Uwan

Some excerpts:

I’ve never been in a serious relationship despite my desire to one day marry. God is teaching me to hold that desire loosely.

 … This is my story, this is my song: I am a 30-something single woman and I have never been in a dating relationship. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve never brought anyone home to meet my family. I’ve never been pursued or even sought after.

Critique of Pastor Groeschel’s “I Want to Believe But…” Sermon Series (Re: Unanswered Prayer, etc)

Critique of Pastor Groeschel’s “I Want to Believe But…” Sermon Series

Christian Post recently published this summary of Groeschel’s sermons, and I take strong issue with it, which I will explain below the long excerpts from the page – but if I didn’t blog my criticisms of this guy’s sermon, I was going to go nuts -several of his points or assumptions annoyed me up the wall:

(Link): God Is Not Your Puppet, Says Pastor Craig Groeschel by A. Kumar

Here are some excerpts from that page, and I will comment on this below the excerpts, which is pretty long, so please bear with me:

Pastor Craig Groeschel, senior pastor of Life.Church, has started a new series, “I Want to Believe, But…,” to address difficulties some have in believing in God.

In the series’ first sermon on Sunday, the megachurch pastor dealt with the notion that God should give us exactly what we want and when we want it.
“God is too big to be a puppet of mine,” he stressed.

Some believe in God and others don’t, but there’s “a newer category of people that are saying, ‘I wanna believe in God but I’m struggling to,'” the popular pastor said as he introduced the (Link): series to the congregation on Sunday, the 21st anniversary of the church.

One Foot in Christianity, One Foot in Agnosticism – In a Faith Crisis

One Foot in Christianity, One Foot in Agnosticism  – In a Faith Crisis

November 2016. (There is a moderate amount of swear words in the post below)

Some of the points in the post, in brief (the long explanation is below):

• I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior before I was ten years old
• I have read the entire Bible.
• I spent many years reading books ABOUT the Bible (e.g., books about its formation and history)
• I spent years reading Christian apologetic literature
  – so do NOT tell me that I “do not understand Christianity” or that I was “never a REAL Christian to start with”
• I currently have doubts about the Christian faith and/or aspects of the Bible
• I have not rejected Jesus Christ Himself
  (he’s pretty much Christianity’s only good feature or selling point, as far as I can see at this point)

• I am not an atheist
• I am not a Charismatic
• I am not a “Word of Faither”
• I was brought up under conservative, Southern Baptist and evangelical teachings and churches

• Even though conservative Christians claim to believe in the Bible, they
  • cannot agree on what the Bible means or how to apply it – this is a huge problem as I see it in the faith
  • they diminish the role of the Holy Spirit or deny Him and that He can work for Christians today, because they are “hyper sola scriptura” and have reduced the Trinity to “Father, Son, and Holy Bible,” (this is also problematic),
    they usually do this because they are hyper-cessationist and paranoid or hateful of Charismatic teachings or practices
  • they teach that most to all of the biblical promises are not for Christians today but are only for the Jews of 5,000 years ago, there-by teaching that the Bible is NOT relevant for people today  (this is also problematic)
• If you are a Christian, do not act like a smug dick about any of this and immediately disregard any points I have to make about God, the Bible, or other topics, because in your view, I am a “Non-Christian who was ‘never’ really saved” -not to mention, that is not even true.
  I was in fact “truly” saved, and I am / was, a “real” Christian.
• No, I don’t want to enumerate a detailed list of reasons why I have doubts about God, the Bible, or the faith.If I were to provide such a list or explanation, your average Christian would only want to debate each and every point to argue me back into fully believing. (A witnessing tip to Christians: doing that sort of thing is NOT an effective way of “winning back a lost sheep to Jesus.”)

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DETAILED EXPLANATION

I find that people who are both Christian and Non-Christian (and several other categories of people I bump into on Twitter and other sites) get frustrated when they cannot easily box me in.

People seem to be more comfortable with labels, but I’m not sure what label I would give myself these days.

I have briefly tried to explain my current religious beliefs on my Twitter bio, and I explain them a little more on my blog’s “About” page and have mentioned them in a post or two over the course of the last few years I’ve been blogging here.

Here is my background:

I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior prior to turning the age of ten.

That means: I believed that Jesus took my sins upon himself, he was without sin, he paid the price for my sins, and was raised from the dead three days after having been crucified – and if I believe in all that, if I put “saving faith in” Jesus (as opposed to mere intellectual assent), my sins have been forgiven by God, and I go to heaven when I die.

I read the entire Bible through when I was 18 years old, and afterwards, I read a lot of the Bible in the years after. Prior to that age, I had read portions of the Bible when younger.

Pat Robertson’s Incredibly Insensitive Advice to Gail the Unmarried Woman

Pat Robertson’s Incredibly Insensitive Advice to Gail the Unmarried Woman 

I am infuriated at Robertson’s response to this Gail woman who wrote to him. I am trying to keep my language clean in this post, but I want to cuss up a storm.

A woman named Gail wrote a question to Christian television host Pat Robertson. You can view her question and listen to Robertson’s response below (I will embed the video in this post).

Gail wrote to Pat Robertson (despite the fact I’ve tweeted several times over begging women of America to stop asking him for relationship advice – dang it Gail, have you not seen my warnings??) and Gail asked Robertson a question.

Gail wanted to know why all her female friends are married but she is not, even though she’s prayed and asked God to send her a husband. Gail also said she is having financial problems.

Robertson went on to shame and scold this woman. He said (to paraphrase) that she had a lot of egotistical nerve expecting God to just answer her prayers and plop a husband down in her lap. Robertson told Gail if she wants a husband or financial help to go out and work for it.  He implied that she is at fault in some way.

Prayer and The 700 Club – Some Observations and Suggestions

Prayer and The 700 Club  – Some Observations and Suggestions

There’s this Christian TV show called “The 700 Club” that comes on Monday through Friday. During the show, the male and female host usually pray for people in the viewing audience, but most often for particular people, not just people in general.

The hosts of this television show will claim that God is speaking to them and telling them who to pray for.

For example, the lady host might say something like,

“There is someone in the audience named Britney. Britney, you have jaw problems. You find it painful to chew your food. I want you to know that God is healing that for you right now, in Jesus’ name!!”

Usually, the male host on the show is Pat Robertson, but sometimes, his son, Gordon is the male host. The female host is either a lady named Terri or a woman named Wendy.

In all my years of watching this show – which has been daily for over ten years – I’ve noticed a few things.

NAMES

One minor thing I’ve noticed is that whenever Pat mentions a name, it almost always starts with the letter “M.”

For example, Robertson will say,

“There is someone named Mary in the audience who has been praying for a healing…”

Or, the name might be “Marie,” “Marge” or “Margaret.”

Does God have a secret preference for people with names that start with the letter “M” or something?

MOST OFTEN ABOUT PHYSICAL HEALTH OR FINANCIAL PROBLEMS

On a more serious note, it bothers me that about 99% of the time, when the hosts address issues during their prayer time, it’s usually about physical sickness, and if Pat Robertson is the male host, sometimes finances will be mentioned.

Rarely do the hosts address problems people have that do NOT pertain to physical health or finances.

Over 30, Single and Very Content – via Relevant

Over 30, Single and Very Content

(Link):  Over 30, Single and Very Content

Excerpts:

It doesn’t just need to be a waiting period until marriage.

– – – – – – – – – – –

I am over 30 and single. There, I said it! It was tough but phew, it’s out there, now you know. Excuse me whilst I go hide under a rock from shame or embarrassment or both

…You wait and remain optimistic and you pray regularly (verging on obsessively, might I add) for that spouse, someone who will be the other half of you but after realizing potential husband number 23 was also just playing you while doing the same to six other girls, you start to lose heart.

…How did this happen? You watch each of your friends get married and wonder what you did wrong. Is this punishment for something, am I not trying hard enough, am I simply not “enough”?

I Waited to Have Sex Until I Was 26, And Now I Can’t Have an Orgasm (by a Woman Raised in Christian Purity Culture) – Provides Yet Another Reason to Ditch the Equally Yoked Teaching

I Waited to Have Sex Until I Was 26, And Now I Can’t Have an Orgasm (by a Woman Raised in Christian Purity Culture) – Provides Yet Another Reason to Ditch the Equally Yoked Teaching

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• I would not be surprised if (Link): my Blog Stalker, John Morgan, still visits my blog (and sometimes my Twitter account) and steals links and story ideas to blog on at his blog. He’ll probably swipe the following story I found and feature it on his own blog.

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I did not see an author’s name on this. It just says “Anonymous”

I have a few comments below this long excerpt:

(Link): I Waited to Have Sex Until I Was 26, And Now I Can’t Have an Orgasm (by a Woman Raised in Christian Purity Culture)

• by Anonymous
• May 27, 2016
• I can’t even talk to my sister or some of my closest friends about it because they all still think I’m a virgin, living my life of purity for the Lord.
•  ——–

• I was raised in an almost cult-like Southern Reformed Baptist church. I was told that sex was wrong, lustful thinking was wrong, and basically anything that involved sex before marriage would send me straight to hell. It wasn’t until last year that I had the first physical step of courage to go against my upbringing and risk losing everyone around me to do what I thought was right and okay as a woman — not what I was told by evangelical men.

• ….The church taught us that sex was one of the cardinal sins. Once defiled, always defiled. Women could not make decisions without a father or husband to do it for them, and how would we earn a husband if we were not pure?

• They trained the young girls in our church, myself included, that we should live and die to find a husband. Education was fine, as long as it contributed to getting a husband. “Be fruitful and multiply” was the mantra.

• I went along with this. It was all I knew, and I had no mother figure to tell me otherwise. As I grew older, though, I grew indignant of my small amount of options.

• They told us to find a husband within the church, one who was “equally yolked,” but no man in the church chose from the church. They left the church to find wives and left a congregation of deserted and bewildered home-schooled hearts. Yet they were applauded for their fine, godly choices in women. Meanwhile, the women of the church were left to rot.

Stop Believing God Told You to Marry Your Spouse by G. Thomas

Stop Believing God Told You to Marry Your Spouse by G. Thomas

(Link): Stop Believing God Told You to Marry Your Spouse by G. Thomas

Excerpts:

• There is nothing in Scripture that suggests there is just one person we’re ‘supposed’ to marry.
• Proverbs 31 urges young men to be guided by a woman’s faith and character in making their choice—there is no mention of second guessing some divine destiny.
• In 1 Corinthians 7, the apostle Paul tells women (widows, in particular) to seriously consider singleness, but assures them the choice of whether to get married is up to them, and then specifically says women can marry “whomever they wish” as long as their potential husband is ‘in the Lord.’ (v. 39)
• If the Bible explicitly says, ‘it’s your call whether or not to get married’ (a sentiment Jesus echoes when he says some “choose” to become eunuchs—celibate—in Matthew 19:12, with emphasis on the word “choose”) and it’s entirely your choice as to who to marry, why should your subjective feelings and reasoning override living by the truth of Scripture?
• There is, quite frankly, nothing in Scripture that ever tells us it is our sworn duty to marry one particular person. Whether we marry, and who we marry, are spoken of in Scripture as part of God’s “permissive will,” something he allows us to choose.

Christians Once Again Trying to Explain Who The Bible’s Promises Are For – TGC Article

Christians Once Again Trying to Explain Who The Bible’s Promises Are For – TGC Article

Christians can’t seem to agree on when or if the promises in the Bible – especially Old Testament ones – apply to Christians today.

Here is another example of writers on another Christian site attempting to explain which promises are meant for Christians today and which are not:

(Link): Which Promises Are For Me? on The Gospel Coalition site, written by Jen Wilkin

I have more comments below this.

Excerpts:

• Not many things are more comforting than a promise made and kept. And not many things are more hurtful than a promise broken. Knowing we worship a God who keeps his promises is a source of deep joy. But misapplied, this knowledge can also lead us to treasure-hunt Scripture for promises in problematic ways.
• How can we know which promises are for us? How can we lay claim to the promises of the Bible without overstepping their application? Here are some common pitfalls to keep in mind as you study.

• Common Mistakes

  Confusing a promise with a principle. Promises are always fulfilled 100 percent of the time. Principles state general truths.

• The book of Proverbs is often mistaken for a book of promises, when in fact it is a book of principles. The principle of “train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6) is generally true and wise to heed. But it is not a guarantee that every child raised with godly instruction will become a believer in Jesus.
• Ignoring the context. We often apply a promise to ourselves before considering its original audience or its historical, cultural, or textual context. In some cases, a promise was made to a specific person for a specific reason and has no further application beyond its immediate context. In other cases, the application can only be properly made after the promise is understood in its original context.
• God’s promise to Abram of land and offspring (Gen. 12:1–3) cannot be taken to mean God will give me a house or children. It can, however, be applied to mean he will give me a spiritual inheritance through Christ.
• Overlooking the “if.” Promises that contain an “If” require some form of obedience before we can expect them to come to pass in our lives. They are conditional.
• …Limiting a promise to your own understanding. Even when we rightly recognize a promise as intended for us, we often impose our own understanding of exactly how it will be fulfilled. Or we are tempted to impose our own timeline on its fulfillment.
• Yes, God does have a plan to prosper you and not to harm you (Jer. 29:11), but as in the case of the people to whom those words were originally written, that “you” is more likely a collective reference to the body of believers, and that plan may play out across centuries in ways we can’t possibly predict.
• To recognize this intent does not diminish the beauty of the promise at all. It actually enhances it.
• …Do your homework. Before you write it on a note card for your fridge, before you post it on Instagram or shop for it on a coffee mug or declare it your life verse, make a thorough study of where your promise lives in Scripture and in biblical history. Make sure it’s a general promise, not a specific promise to someone else or just a general principle to observe. Check for any “ifs” that might change its application.

The page goes on and on like that; click the link at top if you’re interested in seeing the full article.

Perhaps some Christians needed to be made aware of these things, but I’m over 40 years of age, have been a Christian since before I hit age ten, have read the entire Bible as well as many books about Christian theology and apologetics.

I don’t think I really need a basic primer on these things at this stage.

I find a lot of the points in the article are rather basic and based on common sense.

Even under her “Do Your Homework” section, I’m sorry, but Christians to this day still debate and fuss over if Jeremiah 29.11 is for believers only today (she mentions that passage in her article).

She seems to feel that Jer 29.11 is for ancient Israelites only, but I still find other Christians who believe it’s equally applicable to Christians in America in 2015.

Her article only adds to the confusion, in my view. That Christians have to keep explaining and teaching which biblical promises and verses apply to whom does not clarify the situation, but piles on.

I can guarantee you if Christians of other denominations read this page (I refer again to (Link): Which Promises Are For Me? ) that this lady wrote, they will each have their own particular objections or areas of disagreement.

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Related Posts:

(Link):  Christians Who Can’t Agree on Who The Old Testament Is For and When or If It Applies

(Link):  Gallup: Record Low 24% Believe Bible Is Literal Word of God (May 2017)

(Link): More Musings about Applicability of the Old Testament, Via One Man’s Testimony About Jeremiah 29:11

(Link):   Does God’s Plan to Do You No Harm, Prosper You, And Give You Hope and A Future Involve You Dying In a Fiery Plane Crash? Regarding Jeremiah 29:11 and Its Application

(Link): Christians Who Take the Bible Literally Cannot Agree On Much of Anything 

(Link): Sometimes the Bible is Clear – Regarding Rachel Held Evan’s Post