Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life

Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life

One thing this article seems to be saying is that a problem you have in life is not your problem per se, but how you choose to view your problem – a perspective I’ve begun to appreciate in the last few years.

(Link): Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life

April 23, 2022
By Haley Goldberg

When Yale professor Becca Levy began conducting her decades-long research on the psychology of aging, she would routinely ask people to think of five words to describe an older person. In the US, the most common answer was “memory loss.” In China, it was “wisdom.”

As her research would find, the answer to this question had major impact. Your answer could fundamentally change how you age — even adding 7.5 years to your life.

In the new book “Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Determine How Long & Well You Live,” Levy draws on decades of research and interviews to show how positive age beliefs are key to enjoying our golden years — and maintaining our health.

“In study after study I conducted, I found that older people with more-positive perceptions of aging performed better physically and cognitively than those with more-negative perceptions,” Levy writes. “They were more likely to recover from severe disability, they remembered better, they walked faster, and they even lived longer.”

Continue reading “Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life”

When Narcissists Fake Being Sick to Manipulate You – Re: Boundaries, etc

When Narcissists Fake Being Sick to Manipulate You – Re: Boundaries, etc

I just blogged about this very topic just yesterday, June 25 (today is June 26) when I saw this video on You Tube today! Talk about coincidental timing!

So this psychologist, Dr. Ramani, made this 11.54 video (I’ll embed it below, you can also watch it on You Tube here) who discusses a letter by a woman married to a guy who uses (fake) illness as an excuse to leave social functions early.

The woman said her husband has a habit of faking sickness to get out of social obligations or to depart them early.

Well, the woman’s kid sister was turning 18, the family was throwing a birthday party / dinner for the young lady, and this married woman had her husband go with her.

The husband said he didn’t want to go, but the wife wouldn’t take No for an answer on this one – the husband never wanted to go to parties, and she seemed to feel like the husband would or could make an exception for this, since it was for her kid sister.

So they go to the party, the husband vomits on purpose while at the party but makes it look as though he’s sick – all so he can leave the party early and force his wife to go with him.

The psychologist who is discussing this story (she’s reading from a letter the woman wrote asking for advice) points out that so many people are quick to tell people like the woman who wrote this letter “to have boundaries,” which the woman tried on her (probably narcissistic) husband, but he didn’t heed her boundaries and instead actually doubled down on his obnoxious behavior.

I’ve seen several of Dr. Ramani’s videos before, she’s quite good, and I like her, but I always cringe a little when I hear mental health professionals who specialize in narcissism (as she does) sort of denigrate the concept of having boundaries, which she sort of does in the video embedded below.

Boundaries Usually Work And Are A Good Thing To Have

I spent 35 or so years (Link): as a severe codependent.

I believe boundaries are very important and can be life-saving and can improve one’s mental health.

Boundaries may not work in all situations or with all people, true enough, but by and large, boundaries DO work with most people and most situations and can save your self esteem, energy, mental health, and possibly your bank account in the long run.

Continue reading “When Narcissists Fake Being Sick to Manipulate You – Re: Boundaries, etc”

Did the Supreme Court Leak (Regarding Abortion) Cause the Democrat Party to Abandon the Trans Community? by Brandon Morse

Did the Supreme Court Leak (Regarding Abortion) Cause the Democrat Party to Abandon the Trans Community? by Brandon Morse

The following editorial (actually there is a second one – there’s another, I’ll link to both below) comes a day or so after a Supreme Court leak shows that the Justices may rule to return the legality of abortion back down to each state to decide, and weeks after the Democrat nominee for the Court said she was unable to define the word “woman.”

As I noted on a blog post a few years ago – before I became more educated about the left’s concept of “intersectionalism” – I noticed that the “woke” liberals on my timeline, and liberals writing for blogs and magazines, seemed to put groups of people into hierarchy, with those groups perceived to be the most marginalized are deemed more worthy of defense and consideration than other groups.

For over a year now, woke liberals have consistently placed the needs, concerns, and preferences of transwomen (biological men who say they are women) above the needs, concerns, preferences, and safety of biological girls and women, because the “trans” group is considered more victimized or down-trodden by the left than biological women.

In light of the fact that the 49 year old pro-abortion ruling Roe V. Wade may be overturned and the legality of abortion sent back to each state to decide, portions of the left are now deciding that the rights or concerns of biological women are paramount, that they over-ride the concerns of transwomen (biological men).

The Democrat Party does not truly care about women – and by women, I mean biological women, not the freaks who are biological males who wear lipstick, skirts, and run around calling themselves women and want access to women’s bathrooms so they can indulge their Autogynephilia and sexually harass or sexually abuse biological girls and women.

(Link): The Transgender Community Just Got Its First Abandonment Moment From the Democrat Party (behind a pay wall)

Excerpts:

by Brandon Morse
May 3, 2022

If there’s one point I’ve made over and over again, it’s that the Democrat Party has no friends, just allies that remain allies so long as they’re useful. They may make a race, group, or career seem like the holiest thing on the planet, but there will be a moment where what was once useful will either lose its luster or become detrimental.

Like a toy that a child got bored with, that group will get tossed to the side where it will collect dust and be forgotten–or be retrieved when it’s considered cool again. 

…Right now, the toy being forgotten about that the Democrat considered its most prized possession just the day before yesterday is the transgender community.

So entrenched was the Democrat Party in the transgender narrative that Ketanji Brown Jackson wouldn’t even define what a woman is during her Supreme Court confirmation hearing. More accurately, she said she couldn’t because she wasn’t a biologist.

This was a moment applauded by Democrats, but now that’s all changed.

With the Roe v Wade draft decision leaked and the left getting up in arms over the fact that abortion may now be an issue from state to state, the Democrats have rediscovered the usefulness of the abortion debate and its ability to rally women to its cause.

Just in time too, because the Democrats’ base was getting a bit anemic, and with all the mounting narratives that worked in favor of Republicans growing, a swift change of subject was necessary.

So, now it’s all about women’s rights, but you can’t proclaim to be a protector of women’s rights if your position is “women don’t exist.” Democrats are now required to drop the transgender community, in order to pick back up where they left off with being “the party of women.”

The transgender community is now out of vogue, just like the Asian community, just like Black Lives Matter, and just like every other cause or group the Democrat Party claimed was so important to America. Transgender people went from being the “backbone of our democracy” to being inconvenient in the span of a Politico report.

Continue reading “Did the Supreme Court Leak (Regarding Abortion) Cause the Democrat Party to Abandon the Trans Community? by Brandon Morse”

Mental Illness Doesn’t Make You Special by Freddie Deboer

Mental Illness Doesn’t Make You Special by Freddie Deboer

Before I get to the link and excerpts to the essay by Deboer, which are below, I wanted to say this:

I had clinical depression for around 35 or more years (I was diagnosed by one psychiatrist, and it was verified by more psychiatrists as I got older and moved from state to state), I still have an anxiety disorder, and I used to have social anxiety disorder, so I know what it’s like to deal with mental health issues. I had to deal with these issues largely all by myself for years.

I also know that most people who’ve never had depression, anxiety, or any other type of emotional or mental health conditions are clueless about it, and they tend to be insensitive about it, or make insensitive comments and suggestions.

But in the last few years, I have seen people – usually people in their teens or 20s, and some of the adult, far left mental health professionals – almost act as though having depression (or whatever mental health condition) makes them unique little snowflakes and deserving of lots of attention and pity.

This attitude and behavior makes me want to barf.

I used to have a friend named Mary (not her real name) who I met online (who I now suspect is borderline – borderline personality disorder), and while I briefly mentioned to her early a time or two in in our friendship that I had depression for years, I never made a big fuss out of it, nor did I tell her for years that I also had suicidal ideation.

(I mentioned having depression to her a time or two after Mary began sharing with me that she had mental health issues.)

It was not something I was proud of.

I spent years researching depression and how to get rid of it. I also read up on tips on how to get rid of anxiety. I did not like having either condition. I did not use either as pity ploys or to get attention from others.

But this suspected BPD friend of mine, Mary – who was a drama queen – often would come on to our forum where we participated to complain about how life was so unfair, and she was going to kill herself.

I took her suicide threats seriously for many years – until around the 6th or 7th year of this. It was then that my intuition was telling me she was using such threats as attention-getters, as pity ploys.

It became a predictable pattern with her: about once every 8 to 9 months, she’d storm on to the forum complaining about how life was so terribly unfair, and how she was going to go kill herself.

So after several years of this, I stopped addressing Mary’s posts where she threatened suicide. Once I stopped doing that, she would come to the forum later, behave sheepishly, and admit she was being a drama queen and just wanted attention.

I do see more and more people in the past few years wearing their mental health problems like some kind of strange badge of honor.

They feel that having a mental health problem makes them “special,” “unique,” and they want attention and sympathy for it – this is never how I approached having anxiety and depression, so I find this very foreign, weird, and off-putting.

Unlike today’s mental health sufferers, I didn’t get a sense of identity or purpose from having depression or anxiety, either, nor did I want to, because that is not a healthy thing to do.

I also didn’t go around frequently, loudly, broadcasting all the time that I had depression and anxiety. When I did discuss it (online), it was under a pseudonym.

I have grown to dislike the word “neuro-divergent” that these people who act like fragile, attention-seeking snowflakes have developed. One can no longer just say that she “has depression” but one now is expected to say that she is “neuro divergent” or “not neuro typical.” It is to barf.

I’ve met people over my life, whether they have clinical depression, a personality disorder – whatever it may be – and some of them absolutely use their mental health problems (which may be accompanied by a personality disorder) to as a way to get attention and compassion from others.

It’s almost as though they don’t really want to be healed, be cured, and move on – no, they take a perverse sense of comfort in having whatever mental health problem, and they may even use it as an excuse about why they supposedly cannot get up and move on in life.

I’ve written posts on this topic before, so I won’t go into detail here, but during the years I had clinical depression and was very codependent (a people pleaser and a good listener),
I kept attracting other clinically depressed (or other types of troubled) people to me, and while I was there for these people, offering them months to years of emotional support, most of them offered me little to none in return. I’ve since learned to detach from such troubled people, which I’ve written of before in other posts.

(Link): Mental Illness Doesn’t Make You Special

Excerpts:

Why do neurodiversity activists claim suffering is beautiful?
BY FREDDIE DEBOER
April 29, 2022

Marianne Eloise wants the world to know that she does not “have a regular brain at all”. That’s her declaration, on the very first page of her new memoir, Obsessive, Intrusive, Magical Thinking.

The book catalogues her experience of a dizzying variety of psychiatric conditions: OCD, anxiety, autism, ADHD, alcohol abuse, seasonal affective disorder, an eating disorder, night terrors, depression.

By her own telling, Eloise has suffered a great deal from these ailments; I believe her, and wish better for her.

But she would prefer we not think of them as ailments at all. And that combination of self-pity and self-aggrandisement is emblematic of our contemporary understanding of mental health.

Continue reading “Mental Illness Doesn’t Make You Special by Freddie Deboer”

The Gross, Shaming Natalism Propaganda on Gab Platform by Its Rude Members, Including By Roman Catholics and Other Conservatives

The Gross, Shaming Natalism Propaganda on Gab Platform by Its Rude Members, Including By Roman Catholics and Other Conservatives

A few days ago, someone I follow on Gab – I was automatically signed up to follow that person when I joined the site, I did not choose to follow them on my own – (with Gab being a social media platform that is similar to Twitter) shared a meme by someone else called “Disco.”

You can view that meme (Link): here on Gab.

I will also provide a screen shot below.

By the way, I am not as familiar with Gab’s functions and commenting as I am with Twitter’s, so I am not quite sure how to reply to people on Gab or how to link to specific comments by myself or others.

I am a pro-life conservative.

I am not opposed to equal rights for women, but I don’t identify as a feminist.

I don’t really fit in totally over on Gab, a platform which unfortunately attracts a lot of extreme right wing kooks (but some of the users seem okay),
but I don’t really fit in over on Twitter, either (where I was suspended for months previously before I got posting ability again),
because Twitter is over-run with far left “nut jobs,” most of whose views I normally do not agree with. natalismPropagandaImage

I have found that both conservatives and liberals / progressives are about equally annoying and wrong on the parenthood, marriage, or nuclear family topics.

Not all progressives or liberals are opposed to women having children; they just believe (and I agree with this concept, though I am a conservative) that women (and men) should be permitted to decide for themselves if they truly want to be a parent or not.

People should not be guilt tripped or pressured into having children.

There are some very fringe, far-out there leftists who are “anti nuclear family” and who are opposed to people having children, and they call themselves “anti natalists.”

I don’t agree with progressives who try to propagandize women (or men) from having children.

I don’t think it’s the progressives’ place to try to brainwash, scold, shame, or guilt trip people from having children.

But then I see the reverse dynamic from a lot of secular and Christian conservatives.

I see people who identify as conservative or Roman Catholic on sites such as GAB who keep pumping out these stupid, horrid, “Have ten kids by the time you’re 30” type memes or comments.

And these views are not even “biblical.”

Continue reading “The Gross, Shaming Natalism Propaganda on Gab Platform by Its Rude Members, Including By Roman Catholics and Other Conservatives”

Woman Who Lost Leg to Rare Cancer on Track to Complete 102 Marathons in 102 Days

Woman Who Lost Leg to Rare Cancer on Track to Complete 102 Marathons in 102 Days

You’ll notice that rather than sit around indefinitely feeling sorry for herself, sliding into resentment, bitterness, spending every day griping, complaining about her situation, or blaming God (or whatever circumstance outside of herself) for her ordeal, or rather than trying to get attention via wanting others to endlessly pity her, she eventually decided to go on and live life – she enjoys running now.

Every one has bad things happen to them in life, and when those bad things happen, we do need to permit ourselves some time to grieve and feel anger about those things, but at some point, whether you sit in self pity and hold a victim mentality, or go forward to enjoy life in spite of that bad thing that happened, is a choice you make.

And nobody can force you into it.

(Link): Woman Who Lost Leg to Rare Cancer on Track to Complete 102 Marathons in 102 Days

April 15, 2022
by AP

BOSTON — Jacky Hunt-Broersma runs like a woman possessed. And in a way, she is: The amputee athlete is trying to run at least 102 marathons in 102 days.

Last month, a little more than two-thirds toward her goal of setting a new world record for back-to-back marathons, the South Africa native posted something on Twitter that got people talking.

“The first thing I did after my run today was take off my leg. Felt so good,” she tweeted. “Marathon 69 done. 31 marathons to go.”

…All on a carbon-fiber blade that’s been her left leg ever since she lost the real thing below the knee to a rare cancer.

“You make peace with pain,” she said in an interview with The Associated Press. “I think my pain threshold is probably quite high at the moment. It’s one step at a time.”

Continue reading “Woman Who Lost Leg to Rare Cancer on Track to Complete 102 Marathons in 102 Days”

Positive Thinking May Improve Your Emotional Health, Study Finds 

Positive Thinking May Improve Your Emotional Health, Study Finds 

(Link): Positive Thinking May Improve Your Emotional Health, Study Finds 

March 8, 2022
By Julia Musto

Being optimistic may help to improve a person’s emotional well-being, according to researchers.

A study from the Boston University School of Medicine published Monday in the Journals of Gerontology, Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences followed 233 older men from the Veterans Affairs Normative Aging Study over an eight-year period.

The participants first completed an optimism questionnaire and reported daily stressors and positive and negative moods on eight consecutive evenings up to three times over an eight-year span from 2002 to 2010.

Continue reading “Positive Thinking May Improve Your Emotional Health, Study Finds “

Are You Stuck in the “I’ll Feel Better When” Cycle? by Diana Hill, phD

Are You Stuck in the “I’ll Feel Better When” Cycle? by Diana Hill, phD

This article (below) makes a lot of sense. I sort of stumbled on to this sort of thinking on my own in the last few years.

It helps to be content in the present, and to live in the present, too.

If you sit around with the attitude that you cannot be happy unless or until “X” happens in your life, well, if “X” never comes to pass, you’re condemning yourself to a life time of misery.

If you worry too much about the future or sit around feeling sad about things from the past, you’re never going to be happy. I’d rather enjoy each day, rather than worry or fret about the past or the future.

I don’t want to arrive at the future, look back with regret, and see how much time I wasted each and every day ruminating on past disappointments, or that “X” never happened for me.

Of course, I still fail at this at times, but as I’m getting older, I’m getting a little better at living in the present – not worrying all the time about the future or feeling sad or angry about the past.

If you’re someone with depression, or a tendency to have a pessimistic personality or attitude, if you want to guarantee you’ll never move that depression or sour attitude even an inch and actually ever enjoy life, then, by all means, continue to fixate on what you don’t have in life, or feel like you were owed and never got – that will keep most people trapped in a bad attitude, or depression, rather than enjoying life.

(Link): Are You Stuck in the “I’ll Feel Better When” Cycle? by Diana Hill, phD

Excerpts:

October 2021

KEY POINTS

    • When it comes to big aspirations, it’s beneficial to reflect on the good within more minor accomplishments along the way.
    • Often people’s “feel better when” comes from their mind’s capacity to imagine what will happen in the future.
    • Know when good enough is good enough. Try not to waste energy on maximizing things that don’t matter.

      We are often caught in the trap of believing that we’ll feel better at some point in the future when life circumstances change. Clients will frequently tell me (and I’ve told myself):

“I’ll feel better when…”:

I’m done with school
I find my life’s partner
I have a baby
I’m less anxious
I lose weight
This work project is done
The pandemic is over

But what happens when that future never arrives, or if it does, you’ve already moved on to the next “I’ll feel better when?”

Continue reading “Are You Stuck in the “I’ll Feel Better When” Cycle? by Diana Hill, phD”

Hedonism is Overrated – to Make the Best of Life There Must Be Pain, Says This Yale Professor

Hedonism is Overrated – to Make the Best of Life There Must Be Pain, Says This Yale Professor

(Link): Hedonism is Overrated – to Make the Best of Life There Must Be Pain, Says This Yale Professor

Excerpts:

The most satisfying lives are those which involve challenge, fear and struggle, says psychologist Paul Bloom

Jan 23, 2022
by Paul Bloom

The simplest theory of human nature is hedonism– – we pursue pleasure and comfort. Suffering and pain are, by their very nature, to be avoided. The spirit of this view is nicely captured in The Epic of Gilgamesh:
“Let your belly be full, enjoy yourself always by day and by night! Make merry each day, dance and play day and night… For such is the destiny of men.”

And also by the Canadian rock band Trooper: “We’re here for a good time / Not a long time / So have a good time / The sun can’t shine every day.”

…But I think hedonism is an awful theory. My latest book, The Sweet Spot: Suffering, Pleasure, and the Key to a Good Life, makes the case for a different theory of what people want.

I argue that we don’t only seek pleasure, we also want to live meaningful lives– – and this involves willingly experiencing pain, anxiety, and struggle. We see value in chosen suffering.

Continue reading “Hedonism is Overrated – to Make the Best of Life There Must Be Pain, Says This Yale Professor”

Life Lessons After Recovering from Codependency – I Can’t Save You, and I No Longer Want To

Life Lessons After Recovering from Codependency – I Can’t Save You, and I No Longer Want To

This will be a repetitive, somewhat rambling (and very long) post, because this involves a huge pet peeve of mine.

I very much resent any one lecturing me or accusing me of not being compassionate enough, or not giving enough “emotional support” in some situation or another, when they refuse to factor in what I’ve been through in my life and why I now do what I do.

I refer to this highly pertinent fact:

I spent over 3 decades of my life being very codependent. I was pathologically un-selfish, giving, and supportive of and to others to my own detriment.

It’s absolutely perverse and demonic to accuse a recovering codependent (such as myself), who has finally begun developing healthy boundaries, of being selfish or not being “giving” enough in relationships.

You’re accusing a former codependent of the very opposite things she spent decades doing, behaviors which caused her setbacks and harm in life. timeClock

I have since learned what a huge mistake that is (to live codependently), how toxic it is, and how much harm it caused me over my life.

I am now more picky and choosy about when, to whom, for how long, and under what conditions, I will grant other people non-judgmental emotional support or other types of help.

And it took me into middle age to figure out – just upon thinking things over, noticing patterns in my relationships, and from reading some books by psychologists  – that a big reason I kept attracting so many damaged, depressed, hurting, self absorbed, strange, or angry people is precisely because I was so giving, loving, and I didn’t put limits on anyone in any fashion.

For years, I was a very shy, people pleasing, undemanding, compliant, kind hearted, sensitive, caring person, and by my late 20s to early 30s and older, I kept wondering why when I did finally make a friend or two, that I seldom attracted normal, mentally healthy, fun, well-adjusted individuals who would meet my needs in return.

Attracting Disturbed, Angry, or Miserable People for Over 35 Years

Instead, I kept attracting selfish people, abusers, bullies, constant complainers, pessimists, self absorbed people, people with personality disorders, or people who were depressed, and while I was giving all these people a lot of my time, attention,  affection, emotional support (or sometimes money), they never thanked me for this, and the vast majority never met my needs in return.

It took me years to figure out why I kept attracting so many mal-adjusted or emotionally injured people into my life.

Continue reading “Life Lessons After Recovering from Codependency – I Can’t Save You, and I No Longer Want To”

The ‘Paralyzed in a Wheelchair’ Analogy – Regarding: Clinical Depression – Also: The Cynical or Victimhood Filter

The ‘Paralyzed in a Wheelchair’ Analogy – Regarding: Clinical Depression – Also: The Cynical or Victimhood Filter

How accurate is it for the clinically depressed, or those who think they are allies to them, to use the “paralyzed and in a wheel chair” comparison to explain how supposedly helpless and incapable the depressed are? I will discuss this topic as this post goes on.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression at a young age by a psychiatrist, and proceeded to see three more psychiatrists until my early 30s.

(I had to move often, which is why I had to change psychiatrists – as to my next- to- last psychiatrist, I dropped her for a new one, because she was terse and grouchy, which I did not like.)

During those years, and even now, I do see a lot of people who have never had depression and who don’t understand what it is.

A lot of mentally healthy people think that clinical depression is the same as regular sadness, and they believe most people can “snap out of” every day, regular sadness within hours or days – which I’d say is probably true.

When people have clinical depression, however, they can’t just “snap out of it” in days or weeks. sadFaceEmoji

Depression doesn’t just dissipate on its own over time, and depression is not always triggered by a single, identifiable event.

If you’d like more background about clinical depression, what it is, how it can be treated, and some information about  its symptoms, I invite you to visit this page about it at the Mayo Clinic:

(Link, from Mayo Clinic): What does the term “clinical depression” mean?

As for me, clinical depression (as well as suicidal impulses) run on both sides of my family, and anxiety is on the maternal side, so I take it that it’s genetic in my case, and not purely situational or due to personal shortcomings, sin, etc.

I lived with clinical depression for 35+ years.

I saw psychiatrists and took doctor prescribed anti-depressant medications for it, which never helped.

During the years I was a devout Christian (I’m not altogether sure what my spiritual beliefs are now), I prayed, read the Bible, had faith God would heal me of the depression and anxiety, but God never did.

Doing good deeds for others, attending church, etc, and so on, never did take the depression or anxiety away.

Continue reading “The ‘Paralyzed in a Wheelchair’ Analogy – Regarding: Clinical Depression – Also: The Cynical or Victimhood Filter”

A Bike Accident Left This ER Doctor Paralyzed. Now He’s Back At Work by J. Hobson and C. Bentley

A Bike Accident Left This ER Doctor Paralyzed. Now He’s Back At Work by J. Hobson and C. Bentley

The guy in the story below says he “doesn’t like the idea of being called an “inspiration” by people who hear his story.”

Well, I’m sorry, but yes, I find his story inspirational, or at least instructional.

(Link): A Bike Accident Left This ER Doctor Paralyzed. Now He’s Back At Work

June 2018
by Jeremy Hobson, Chris Bentley

…It’s a typical doctor-patient interaction, but one thing is unusual: Both the patient and the doctor are in wheelchairs — the patient because he’s visiting the emergency room, and the doctor because of a spinal cord injury.

Grossman, 37, lost the use of his legs less than a year ago, and he’s already back at work.

The New Normal

Grossman’s memories of the accident that left him paraplegic are fuzzy. He was mountain biking with his friend Ron last September in the Cuyuna trail system of northern Minnesota.

[He had a biking accident]

…He was airlifted to North Memorial Medical Center in Minneapolis, where he learned he had suffered a spinal cord injury between his seventh and eighth thoracic vertebrae.

Continue reading “A Bike Accident Left This ER Doctor Paralyzed. Now He’s Back At Work by J. Hobson and C. Bentley”