TikTok’s ‘Nurse Holly’ Facing Ridicule for Encouraging Abstinence Until Marriage

TikTok’s ‘Nurse Holly’ Facing Ridicule for Encouraging Abstinence Until Marriage

As I said about this headline on Twitter yesterday:

In today’s “anti slut shaming” and “pro sex positive, virginity is a social construct” (no, it’s not) society, every sexual behavior choice is supported EXCEPT FOR abstinence, which is mocked by both liberals AND many conservatives

The nurses who criticized “Nurse Holly” for her abstinence, as a group, (Link): are hypocrites. Why do I say that? Because some of them mock women virgins for being virgins when they come in for health screenings.

I can just imagine me, a 40-something virgin, going in to see one of these “sex positive, no slut shaming” nurses as part of a medical visit and them possibly finding out during questioning I’m still a virgin, and I’m sure they’d either roll their eyes or act incredulous or mock me for it – I had an experience like that in my late twenties when I had to see a doctor.

(Link): TikTok’s ‘Nurse Holly’ Facing Ridicule for Encouraging Abstinence Until Marriage– via FaithWire

(Link): TikTok’s ‘Nurse Holly’ Facing Ridicule for Encouraging Abstinence Until Marriage – via CBN News

January 18, 2020
by T. Goins-Phillips

“Nurse Holly” has amassed quite the following on TikTok. She uses her incredibly popular account to talk — and joke — about her career in the medical field. But now she’s facing scorn because she encouraged her 1.7 million followers to wait until they’re married to have sex.

In the video, which has since been deleted, Holly promoted the message, “The best way to prevent STDs is waiting for sex until marriage. Just the truth.”

Holly’s argument is airtight — if you don’t have sex until you’re married to your partner, the likelihood of contracting an STI is greatly decreased. But that (Link): didn’t stop other nurses from dragging her on Twitter.

Continue reading “TikTok’s ‘Nurse Holly’ Facing Ridicule for Encouraging Abstinence Until Marriage”

Missouri 7th-Grader Says ‘Virginity Rocks’ Sweater Almost Got Him Suspended

Missouri 7th-Grader Says ‘Virginity Rocks’ Sweater Almost Got Him Suspended

These days, being a virgin or a celibate is really the only “taboo” sexual (non?) behavior left.

We have many (not all, but many) liberals screaming and yelling that every one should accept people with penises being permitted into locker rooms for biological women,
and we have both secular, liberal feminists and conservative Christians jumping on to the ‘Sex Positive’ train, where they defend pre-marital sex and write off adult virginity as being a “social construct,” and say you’re a “slut shamer” if you disagree.

So of course if someone speaks up in favor of virginity (or celibacy), it’s going to be looked at askew (when it’s not being mocked or insulted), as in this story.

I bet if this kid wore a shirt that said “Sex Positivity Rocks,” he would not have gotten into trouble.

This is the kind of world we live in now.

(Link): Missouri 7th-Grader Says ‘Virginity Rocks’ Sweater Almost Got Him Suspended

January 2020
by Jessica Chasmar

A seventh grade boy who wore a “Virginity Rocks” sweatshirt to school in Wentzville, Missouri, was forced to remove the shirt and threatened with suspension if he wore it again, his parents said Wednesday.

Continue reading “Missouri 7th-Grader Says ‘Virginity Rocks’ Sweater Almost Got Him Suspended”

Don’t Let ‘Incel’ Misogynists Like the Toronto Killer Tell You They’re Special – I Was A Virgin Until I Was 27 By Noah Berlatsky

Don’t Let ‘Incel’ Misogynists Like the Toronto Killer Tell You They’re Special – I Was A Virgin Until I Was 27 By Noah Berlatsky

American society stopped “slut shaming” people for having sex outside of marriage many years ago, contrary to what the anti-sexual purity “Ex-vangelicals,” liberal Christians, Christian feminists, and other groups argue on blogs and twitter.

The trend has been the opposite in years past: adults who are celibate and single are often ridiculed or thought of as weird losers if they’re not in a romantic relationship and not having sex.

Our culture went from “Slut Shaming” years ago to “Celibate and Virgin Shaming.” (I have examples all over this blog, look for them).

Here’s an essay by a guy who didn’t lose his virginity until his late twenties. It’s another anecdotal piece of the pie demonstrating how our sex saturated culture shames people who are not having sex.

(Link): Don’t Let ‘Incel’ Misogynists Like the Toronto Killer Tell You They’re Special – I Was A Virgin Until I Was 27 

Excerpts

by Noah Berlatsky
April 2018

The man who murdered ten people in Toronto with a van, like the 2014 Isla Vista killer, considered himself an “incel,” or involuntary celibate.

Incels are men who blame the world, and especially women, for the fact that they are virgins, or aren’t having sex as often as they want.

They see women as manipulators who choose powerful but shallow men, and unfairly ignore and even torment good guys like themselves.

Resentment becomes an excuse for misogyny, and sometimes, for violence.

In the aftermath of the Toronto massacre, some people were quick to use the killer’s celibacy as an insult.

Continue reading “Don’t Let ‘Incel’ Misogynists Like the Toronto Killer Tell You They’re Special – I Was A Virgin Until I Was 27 By Noah Berlatsky”

Women Being Slut Shamed, Virgin Shamed, or Celibate Shamed at The Doctor’s Office

Women Being Slut Shamed, Virgin Shamed, or Celibate Shamed at The Doctor’s Office

So, I saw a headline go through my Twitter feed a few weeks ago about a woman who says while on a trip to the doctor’s office to get a check up, she was “slut shamed” by a nurse practitioner at that appointment. (The link to that is towards the bottom of this post.)

I don’t doubt her experience, but I chipped in under that Tweet or another related to mention that as a chaste woman – I’m over 45 and still a virgin myself – I had the same exact thing happen to me, but in the reverse, when I was in my mid or late 20s and had to see a doctor to get blood tests done (over a non-sexual related medical issue).

The doctor I saw at my appointment sort of “Virgin-Shamed” me at that time.

We’re all the time hearing about “Slut Shaming” in our culture, but there is far more Celibacy- and Virgin- Shaming taking place than Slut Shaming.

However, I don’t very often see feminists discussing Virgin-Shaming nearly as much.

As a matter of fact, some feminists who are always complaining about “slut shaming” participate in Celibate-Shaming, or Virgin-Shaming (and sadly, other conservatives also participate in virgin shaming or celibate shaming as well, though many conservatives CLAIM to respect sexual abstinence – but they really do not).

The lady doctor I saw when I was in my mid to late 20s said in addition to running the tests I was in to see her for that day (and I don’t recall now what they were, only that the tests were not related to anything of a sexual nature), she also wanted to run sexually transmitted disease tests on my blood samples to make sure I did not have any sexually transmitted diseases.

I laughed and told her that would be a waste of her time and the lab’s time, as I was still a virgin.

Continue reading “Women Being Slut Shamed, Virgin Shamed, or Celibate Shamed at The Doctor’s Office”

Impure Motives Of ‘Purity Culture’ Critics by R. Dreher

Impure Motives Of ‘Purity Culture’ Critics by R. Dreher

Before we get to the link and excerpts to the page by Dreher, let’s talk for a moment about the liberal Christian and ex-Christian backlash against Purity Culture:

I’ve seen this as well, time and again from the “anti purity culture” brigade on Tweets and blogs:
They think that dismantling “Purity Culture” means rejecting all Christian sexual ethics, or the “rules” or specific morals of it they do not like, including the biblical teaching that fornication is considered a sin (some self-professing Christians are actually on blogs insisting that God doesn’t prohibit pre-marital sex, but they can’t point to verses that say that God accepts it, either).

But there is definitely a “throw the baby out with the bathwater” mindset among many of the “anti Purity Culture” adherents. They also tend to “look down their noses” at adults over the age of 30 who voluntarily sexually abstain – both liberals and Christian conservatives view adult celibates as repressed, weird, or as freaks.

I’m a woman who never married, was committed to the idea of abstaining until marriage, so I am still a virgin – and I’m currently in my forties. I mention that because one thing I’d like to make clear: not everyone who leaves the faith does so due to sexual considerations.

I myself am not quite Christian and not quite non-Christian – but I remain celibate. I’m now fine with the idea of having sex outside of marriage, but only in a committed relationship – but I arrived at this view years after my faith crisis began.

In other words, having sex was not a reason as to why I’m somewhat walked away from the faith – sex was not the cause or my reason.

So, if you are a Christian who tut tuts and shames people online for leaving the faith, please stop assuming that most who leave the faith do so because they are sexual libertines who want to have sex all over the place. That may be true for some ex-Christians or for some doubters, but it’s certainly not the case for all of them.

(Link): Impure Motives Of ‘Purity Culture’ Critics

Excerpts:

Matthew Lee Anderson (Link): makes a true and necessary point about Josh Harris’s apostasy and the subsequent critiques of Evangelical “purity culture.” Excerpts: [omit]

….As I’ve said before, I don’t have any direct experience with “purity culture,” though I have friends who are theologically conservative on sexual matters, but who say that they were damaged by it.

Their point, as I understand it, is not that traditional Christian sexual ethics are wrong, but that “purity culture” distorts them in a rigidly legalistic way that can harm the ability of particular believers to live out these ethics. I accept that this can be true. I have seen this kind of thing at work within non-Protestant religious circles too.

That said, Anderson is certainly right that whatever the problems with purity culture, they can never justify throwing out Christian sexual ethics, tout court.

Continue reading “Impure Motives Of ‘Purity Culture’ Critics by R. Dreher”

What I Learned From Being Accidentally Celibate For 5 Years by C. Brooks

(Link): What I Learned From Being Accidentally Celibate For 5 Years by C. Brooks

Five years of celibacy isn’t something I planned.

It’s something that happened when I began to focus on myself and stopped looking for a Netflix-and-chill buddy.

It happened gradually and I only thought about it every so often ― when couples held on to each other scurrying across a windy parking lot, or when love scenes got a little too vivid during a Friday night movie.

Mostly, though, sex just never occurred to me as something I was missing in my life.

Continue reading “What I Learned From Being Accidentally Celibate For 5 Years by C. Brooks”

Conservatives Have Now Abandoned All Pretense of Advocating For Sexual Abstinence and They Actually Lament the Lack of Fornication – The Bradford Wilcox Piece, 2019

Conservatives Have Now Abandoned All Pretense of Advocating For Sexual Abstinence and They Actually Lament the Lack of Fornication – The Bradford Wilcox Piece, 2019

The following piece at The Atlantic (“The Happiness Recession”) was written by marriage-idolater and anti-singleness bigot of The Institute for Family Studies, W. Bradford Wilcox, and co-writer Lyman Stone.

I’d like to remind any new-comers to this blog that I am a life long conservative. I am not a liberal.

Marriage Is Not A Guarantee For Good or Regular Sex

This moronic essay actually suggests that single adults having less sex is what has led to them reporting higher rates of unhappiness, if I’m understanding things correctly.

This, astonishingly, from a right wing organization, (Link): The Institute For Family Studies, that claims to promote “strong families,” and good Lord knows they are obsessed with promoting marriage, even if that comes at the expense of singleness.

The members of this organization regularly publish materials intended to scare, guilt, shame, or pressure single adults into getting married, because this organization exists to promote the nuclear family: hetero-marriage where the couple have children.

Continue reading “Conservatives Have Now Abandoned All Pretense of Advocating For Sexual Abstinence and They Actually Lament the Lack of Fornication – The Bradford Wilcox Piece, 2019”

I’m a Virgin, So Why Am I Being Slut-Shamed? by Ashley Iaconetti

I’m a Virgin, So Why Am I Being Slut-Shamed? by Ashley Iaconetti

(Link): I’m a Virgin, So Why Am I Being Slut-Shamed? by Ashley Iaconetti

Excerpts:

“Bachelor” contestant Ashley Iaconetti on why a girl can act sexy without, you know, having sex.

Apparently I can’t be a virgin because I have my belly-button pierced. Or because I live in New Jersey. Or because I kissed Chris Soules “like that” during my appearance on The Bachelor. During my time on the show, social media was flooded with absurd judgements and arguments as to why I couldn’t possibly be a virgin.

It’s been odd and frustrating to see people debate the status of my hymen (!) on Twitter — seriously, people, that’s what you’re using your time tweeting about? And many people don’t just doubt my claim, but flat-out declare I’m a liar.

….I believe a girl can be sexy without having sex.

Continue reading “I’m a Virgin, So Why Am I Being Slut-Shamed? by Ashley Iaconetti”

ABC Won’t Let Us Forget That the New Bachelor Is A Virgin. Is That A Problem? by L. Bonos

ABC Won’t Let Us Forget That the New Bachelor Is A Virgin. Is That A Problem? by L. Bonos / Lily News

(Link): ABC Won’t Let Us Forget That the New Bachelor Is A Virgin. Is That A Problem?

Excerpts:

Past contestants say the show sometimes talks around sex in a way that feels exploitative

By The Lily News, Jan 6, 2019

Adapted from a story by The Washington Post’s Lisa Bonos.

Last night, this season of ABC’s “The Bachelor” premiered. Its lead is Colton Underwood: a 26-year-old former professional football player who, when he appeared on “The Bachelorette” this past summer, delivered an announcement that surprised many. He’s a virgin — and now, as he steps into the spotlight, ABC will not let us forget it for a moment.

Conversations with past Bachelor Nation virgins reveal the reality show and its spin offs often use wholesome things — such as virginity and the search for a husband and wife — as ways to talk about the more titillating aspects of dating, in ways that can feel exploitative.

Continue reading “ABC Won’t Let Us Forget That the New Bachelor Is A Virgin. Is That A Problem? by L. Bonos”

The Misguided Backlash Against ‘Purity Culture’ by G. Shane Morris

The Misguided Backlash Against ‘Purity Culture’ by G. Shane Morris

I agree with most of this editorial by Morris, but I have one slight area of disagreement, which I will discuss below the link and excerpts.

All in all, this is an excellent editorial, so you will want to click the link below to go to Patheos, where it’s hosted, to read it in its entirety, but please remember to come back to this blog post to read some of my comments much farther below.

(Link): The Misguided Backlash Against ‘Purity Culture’

by G. Shane Morris
December 2018

[Author Morris discusses an anti-Purity Culture, anti- I Kissed Dating Goodbye editorial by Abigail Rine Favale, and refutes some of her arguments.]

…But one thing I’ve noticed is how many of those complaints come from people who admit they never took Harris’ advice in the first place. Favale is one of them.

She confesses: “I opted for more conventional forms of kissing and bade farewell to my virginity instead.” Nevertheless, she claims, “the ideas in Harris’ book influenced me—if not my habits, certainly my sense of self.”

It’s not clear what she means by this, except perhaps that she felt guilty about having premarital sex. No one needs Joshua Harris to experience the prick of conscience, though. Which is why one detects in recriminations against “purity culture” by those who openly engaged in impurity more than a hint of sour grapes.

Continue reading “The Misguided Backlash Against ‘Purity Culture’ by G. Shane Morris”

What It’s Like To Date As A 30-Something Virgin by B. Wong

(Link): What It’s Like To Date As A 30-Something Virgin

Excerpts:

October 2018

by B. Wong
“You can go without sex. That’s much less of a problem than going through life alone, and without affection.”

It’s Not You, It’s Me is a series that looks at dating in America from the perspective of different ethnicities, sexual identities, life experiences and circumstances.

Forget butt play or the pull-out method: The latest trend in sex might be forgoing it altogether.

According to a recent study out of University College London, millennials are waiting longer to have sex than members of previous generations, with 12.5 percent of them abstaining until age 26.

But some wait even longer than that. We recently talked to three people who have remained virgins well into their 30s — one by choice, the other two by happenstance. Below, they tell us more about how they’ve remained abstinent this long and what it’s like to date when you’ve never had sex.

Responses have been edited for clarity and style, with last names withheld for privacy.

People remain virgins for so many different reasons. For you, was it an intentional choice to abstain from sex?

Brianna, a 35-year-old programmer from Indianapolis, Indiana:

My reasons are a bit of a mixed bag.

I was raised very conservatively and was told that sex before marriage was a sin, so that kept me a virgin for a while. Then, when I outgrew that thinking, it was a matter of waiting to find someone I felt comfortable enough with to consider that next step.

It just hasn’t happened. I date and have had a couple of relationships get as far as three months or so, but no one long term. So, I’m still a virgin.

Matt, a tech industry worker in his mid-30s who lives in Lansing, Michigan:

I grew up with fairly severe social anxiety, which I’ve never completely overcome. I had some early rejections in late high school and early college that completely ruined what self-esteem I had.

Continue reading “What It’s Like To Date As A 30-Something Virgin by B. Wong”

‘Bachelorette’ Star Shamed For His Virginity Defends Himself

‘Bachelorette’ Star Shamed For His Virginity Defends Himself

Yeah, see, both secular and (Link): Christian culture mocks, de-values, and shames virginity, celibacy, as well as virgin and celibate people.

So, when I see some Christians or (Link): secular feminists rattling on and on about how society supposedly “slut shames” all women for their sexual behavior, I’m not so sure.

Society has even become a tad more tolerant towards asexual adults.

But God help you if you’re an adult who has voluntarily chosen to sexually abstain for whatever the reason, then both secular and Christian culture will mock you, question you, suspect there’s something weird or freaky or repressed about you.

And, people who do sexually abstain are expected to tolerate and accept any and all sexual behavior by others – we’re supposed to be non-judgmental about people who have a lot of casual sex, or who engage in homosexual behavior, or what have you. But no such tolerance is shown to adult virgins or celibates.

This guy should not be shamed for being a virgin.

He should not have to “defend” himself over this.

All you people out there who may be mocking or insulting this guy for his sexuality status can go get bent.

(Link): ‘Bachelorette’ Star Shamed For His Virginity Defends Himself

Colton Underwood, a 26-year-old retired NFL player and ex-boyfriend of Olympian Aly Raisman, has been in the spotlight on the most recent season of the Bachelorette for being the one out-and-proud virgin on the show, and has gotten quite a bit of flack for it.

During Monday night’s “Men tell All” episode, some of the other guys had some particularly nasty comments regarding Underwood’s virginity.

Continue reading “‘Bachelorette’ Star Shamed For His Virginity Defends Himself”