“Immediately No”: Mental Health Expert Shares Red Flags on Dating Profiles

“Immediately No”: Mental Health Expert Shares Red Flags on Dating Profiles

I don’t agree with all of this person’s red flags, but some of them may be worthwhile to keep in mind.

 (Link): “Immediately no”: Mental health expert shares red flags on dating profiles

Excerpts:

by C. Ferris
June 2, 2022

In a now-viral TikTok video, a mental health expert discussed what would cause her to not match with someone on a dating app.

Karli Kucko, LPC-A shares content about mental health on her TikTok and Instagram accounts @karli.k.counseling. She recently posted a video on her TikTok where it garnered more than 100,000 views. The video, which discussed seeing people making demands on their profile, was the first of several that touched on behaviors that would cause her to “swipe left.”

Viewers found these points helpful, and many shared what they considered to be red flags when they peruse dating apps themselves.

Good Morning America outlined a few tips for a strong dating profile, which include users posting good quality photos, writing “just enough” about themselves and being up-front with their intentions.

Matthew Hussey, a New York Times bestselling author and dating expert, told the outlet that there is a way to be open and honest while remaining positive.

“If you’re going to say you want something serious, frame it in a positive way rather than a negative one,” he said. “You don’t want to come across as bitter or jaded.”

In Kucko’s first video, she said something that would make her “swipe left” is seeing someone making demands on their profile. She noted that statements like “have to have, can’t do, must do,” were some examples of phrases that led to her not matching with someone.

My Date Had A Toilet Fetish – He Wanted To Lick Me Clean by Anonymous

My Date Had A Toilet Fetish – He Wanted To Lick Me Clean by Anonymous

🧻🚽🪠

This is one of the grossest things I’ve ever read.

Aside from the grossness – the fact that the guy did get overly familiar too fast is a huge red flag.

If you want to avoid weirdos and narcissists as much as possible, take any new relationship slowly (narcissists in particular love to speed things up and pressure you for commitment right away, as do some non-narcissistic abusive and controlling men – they might seriously discuss marriage on a very first date (saying already they can picture the two of you together, married) or propose marriage by the second date, or whatever. Red Flag!)

Getting back to the grossness – this man she didn’t know well tells her he has a “toilet fetish.”

He wanted to use his tongue to clean her private area, including, it seems, the area around her anus , after she used the bathroom.

Aside from just being weird and gross, that’s a good way of getting diseases and becoming ill. If there’s any fecal matter in the area, that is loaded with bacteria, and if you ingest it, it can make you very sick (more info here). 

The following story gets more and more off kilter the more it goes on:

(Link): I thought my date was going to propose – instead he told me he had a toilet fetish

By Anonymous
May 28, 2022

Signing up for online dating was a big deal for me. 

Coming out of an abusive relationship had left me too scared to be intimate with anyone and so I remained single for many years. But, after a decade, I finally felt ready to dip my toe back into the dating pond again.

Setting up a profile on a couple of dating sites, I went on a few boring dates.

There was, however, one guy who seemed different. His messages were almost poetic. He seemed thoughtful, considerate, and gentle.

[She and the guy began contacting each other, and the guy came on too strong too fast]

We didn’t know each other. How on earth could he ‘shine’ for me?!

The next day more texts came, expressing how excited he was to meet me. He knew I was ‘the one!’ I was baffled. 

Divorce Attorney Reveals SHOCKING Reasons That DESTROY Relationships And Cause Bad BREAKUPS – via ‘Women of Impact’

Divorce Attorney Reveals SHOCKING Reasons That DESTROY Relationships And Cause Bad BREAKUPS – via ‘Women of Impact’

I’m not even half way done with this video yet (linked to and embedded below in this post), but this lady in the video is giving some great insights and advice. (I’ve just finished listening to the entire video, and it is worth the entire watch.)

The lady in the video mentions she didn’t get married until around (or a bit after?) age 40.

The divorce attorney (who later became a judge, if I understand correctly) said up until that point, she did get a lot of questions from people asking her why she wasn’t married yet.

(I also had to put up with that, or with other nasty assumptions, from others, when I was still single into my 30s. I was raised in a conservative Christian church, and a lot of Christians wrongly assume if you’re a woman who has not married by the age of 30 or 35, it’s because you are a man-hating feminist or that that you were too “career focused.” It’s a very victim-blaming, sexist world view.)

Some of the points this lady, Faith Jenkins, addressed in the video includes but is not limited to (these are also points I’ve learned along the way with life experience, and just mulling things over):

• You have to know who you are and figure out who you are before you get married.
• It’s far more healthy to learn to be single before you get married.
• Don’t wait to get married to start living and enjoying your life – she says, “being single is not a rest stop. [At the time I was single I concluded that] it’s time for me to really live.”
• Don’t look to someone outside of yourself to make you happy.

(Note from me, the blog owner: this is a big one.
If you go through life making your sense of self worth, happiness, or opinion about yourself contingent upon external circumstances or on how others treat you, you will never, ever achieve stable, consistent, or lasting healthy self esteem or happiness
– and along the way, if you keep making your self worth contingent on how others treat you or their opinions of you, you will tend to attract selfish people, abusers, and very emotionally needy people who will want all your time and attention, leaving you drained
– I’ve learned the hard way that many of the people who will want to use you as a sounding board, a “rock” they lean on, will not return that courtesy to you – they won’t allow you to talk to them about your problems)

• She says you should know who you are before you marry – I think this is also a good idea prior to dating.

If you know who you are prior to dating or marriage (you know your identity and your likes, your dislikes, and your values), you won’t change to please someone else (a lot of abusive or controlling people will either badger you, pressure you, threaten, or demand that you make changes to yourself or your life to please them), and it makes it easier to weed out incompatible or potentially abusive partners.

• She discourages you from trying to clean up, fix, rescue another person, what she refers to as “rebuilding” another person.

I agree with her on that – you ultimately cannot change another person, and you will only exhaust yourself trying. I think a lot of women who do this are people pleasers or codependents, and it’s a huge waste of time.

NYC Woman Accused of Holding Online ‘Date’ Hostage for $100K in Twisted Kidnapping, Torture Scheme

NYC Woman Accused of Holding Online ‘Date’ Hostage for $100K in Twisted Kidnapping, Torture Scheme

(Link): NYC Woman Accused of Holding Online ‘Date’ Hostage for $100K in Twisted Kidnapping, Torture Scheme

March 14, 2022
By Tamar Lapin

Late one night last month, a 24-year-old man headed to a Bronx apartment — believing he was about to hook up with a pretty brunette he’d met on Instagram.

It turned out to be a honeytrap that nearly cost him his life.

The woman he’d been chatting to was actually part of a group of sadists — who spent hours torturing the kidnapped man, even stabbing him while demanding $100,000 in ransom on a FaceTime call to his horrified brother, Manhattan prosecutors allege.

When police found the victim some 24 hours later, he was tied up and gagged in the back of a van — barely clinging to life.

Lundy Bancroft: How to Spot Red Flags When Dating

Lundy Bancroft: How to Spot Red Flags When Dating

(Link): video on You Tube: Lundy Bancroft: How to Spot Red Flags When Dating

Also embedded here:

(Link): Warning Signs Of A Controlling And Abusive Man, According To A Domestic Violence Specialist

Excerpts:

by Gwen Farrell

….All of His Exes Are “Crazy”

…Maybe all of his exes really were “crazy,” but more often than not, this claim points to the fact that this guy doesn’t like taking any blame for any misdeeds or wrongdoing, and if he didn’t own up or take responsibility for his actions in his past relationships, chances are slim he’ll suddenly decide to do so with you.

…He’s Disrespectful to You

If he’s verbally disrespectful, careless with the way he talks to you and about you to others, get the heck out. Psychologist Lundy Bancroft says, “Disrespect is the soil in which abuse grows.

The Dear Driscoll Site – Re: Mark Driscoll – Christians: Stop Supporting Driscoll, any church Driscoll runs, and Stop Supporting Guys Like Him!

The Dear Driscoll Site – Re: Mark Driscoll – Christians: Stop Supporting Driscoll, any church Driscoll runs, and Stop Supporting Guys Like Him!

Update below, July 2021. (Links to the Julie Roys July 2021 part 1 and 2 Mark Driscoll related podcasts below)

---

I recently became aware of this new site: (Link): “Dear Driscoll.”

Currently, at the top of that web page, is this remark, to give you some background on that site’s purpose:

This site was formed out of the need to centralize articles, videos, podcasts, and other items regarding recent events at The Trinity Church in Scottsdale, AZ and historical events from Mars Hill Church in Seattle, WA.

…-The Dear Driscoll Team
—- end —

Currently on the main page of the site is a lengthy letter by a guy named Chad Freese who used to work at Driscoll’s church in Arizona.

Freese says he and his wife attended Driscoll’s church for awhile, and for a few weeks, Freese was even employed as the church’s director of security.

I’ve not even read through one fourth of the guy’s letter yet (I’ve only read the first few sections), and I already have some observations and concerns.

Attorney Once on People Magazine’s ‘Most Eligible’ Bachelor List Charged With Rape

Attorney Once on People Magazine’s ‘Most Eligible’ Bachelor List Charged With Rape

(Link):  Lawyer Previously Named on People’s ‘Most Eligible Bachelor’ List Charged with Rape

A Boston attorney whose name was once on People magazine’s list of most eligible bachelors has been charged with raping two victims, according to the New York Post.

(Link): Attorney Once on People Magazine’s ‘Most Eligible’ Bachelor List Charged With Rape

by J R Miller

A Boston defense attorney once named as one of People magazine’s most eligible bachelors has been charged with raping two women, prosecutors said.

Gary Zerola, 49, who appeared in the magazine’s 2001 list of “America’s Top 50 Bachelors” alongside the likes of actors Ben Affleck, Matt Damon and Benicio del Toro, was arraigned on Jan. 15 on charges of rape and breaking and entering with felony intent, Suffolk County District Attorney Rachael Rollins said.

Tinder Date Chopped Into 11 Pieces After Being Stabbed To Death During Sex

Tinder Date Chopped Into 11 Pieces After Being Stabbed To Death During Sex

Now see, there are advantages in being celibate, in not fornicating! Such as not being stabbed to death while having sex on a date with someone you met on a dating app.

(Link): Tinder Date Chopped Into 11 Pieces After Being Stabbed To Death During Sex

Excerpts

Sept 21, 2020

by Chris Kitching

The 32-year-old victim was lured to an apartment by a woman he met on Tinder and attacked by her boyfriend, who was hiding in the bathroom with a brick and a knife

As the victim had sex with a 27-year-old woman, her 26-year-old boyfriend, who was hiding in a bathroom, emerged and began to bludgeon the man with a brick, according to police.

The man was then stabbed repeatedly until he died at the flat in Jakarta, Indonesia.

Dangerous Dating Trend Called Love Bombing

Dangerous Dating Trend Called Love Bombing

(Link): Dangerous Dating Trend Called Love Bombing

Excerpts:

by Greg Evans

Malicious dating methods are not uncommon and it appears that ‘love bombing’ is the latest trend on the scene. 

Previously we’ve had the likes of ghosting, benching and DTR where individuals manipulate anothers emotions for their own benefit.

Love bombing is a tactic that involves the immediate seduction of a new partner by showing them with affection.

According to the (Link): New York Post, this often occurs in whirlwind relationships, in which the overwhelming sensation of romance can push aside concerns and doubt.

This onslaught of periods of attention, known as ‘bombs’, leaves little room for the other person to question their partners intentions.

Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages

Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages

In the past, I have discussed how Christians give cliched-filled dating advice to Christian singles.

I’ve written before about how a lot of Christian dating advice is contradictory, condescending, impractical, stupid, sexist, or rude.

I’ve read a lot about how Christians handle women who are in terrible marriages.

I don’t know why it’s not dawned on me until now, but I think another reason anyone – Christian adult singles – should think twice about taking advice about dating or relationships from Christians is to look at how they deal with people who are in marriages that are loveless, abusive, or, in one recent case, people who discover they are married to pedophiles.