Dear Prudence, Help! I’m Glad My Awful Husband Is Dead.

Dear Prudence: Help! I’m Glad My Awful Husband Is Dead.

(Link): Dear Prudence: Help! I’m Glad My Awful Husband Is Dead.

August 19, 2019

Question.
Happy: I am a 38-year-old widow. The day my husband died was the happiest day of my life.

He was a miserable, vindictive man whose greatest joy was tearing me down.

He cheated on me constantly and would cheerfully recount all my inadequacies compared with his mistresses.

If I left, he would “pursue me to the ends of the earth.”

He never hit me, for what it is worth. At the end, I was isolated and alone; my only social outlet was my family. They all knew how horrible my marriage was, which is what makes their reaction now more hurtful.

I am going to travel. I am going to visit exotic places, drink wine, and learn a foreign language.

I have enough money to be quite comfortable for the rest of my life.

I would rather shoot myself than ever get married again.

What Happened When Chonda Pierce Tried Online Dating

What Happened When Chonda Pierce Tried Online Dating

Pierce is a Christian stand-up comic.

There is an embedded audio file on the web page I am linking you to:

(Link): What Happened When Chonda Pierce Tried Online Dating

When it comes to comedy and faith, Chonda Pierce is unashamed.

Her bold, tell-it-like-it-is style has audiences begging her for more stories, and she delivers in the new documentary, Unashamed, in theaters May 7 and 9.

“It’s interesting, my life right now,” Pierce shares in a new interview. “I have my third documentary, and I’m still alive. You know, usually they do documentaries for dead people.”

Dating App Horror Stories That Will Make You Feel Thankful You Are Single on Valentine’s Day by D. Cho

(Link): Dating App Horror Stories That Will Make You Feel Thankful You Are Single on Valentine’s Day by D. Cho

Excerpts:

As if dating wasn’t hard enough, dating apps have found a way to turn things from hard to damn near impossible. Between dodging catfishes to praying your date is a real person and not a bot, the odds of finding love through an app can feel pretty low.

But there’s no reason to give up — dating can help build character … right? Fortunately for you, these online daters have decided to share their worst dating app experiences so you don’t have to feel alone, reminiscing about the times you wish you never swiped right.

…Robin, 37

“After going on too many first dates that weren’t panning out, including one where I drove 40 minutes to hear a guy brag about illegally squatting in a foreclosed house for a year, I decided to filter the guys I date like I do for work. (I sometimes cast guys for dating shows.)

Church Is a Family, Not an Event by K. Kandiah

Church Is a Family, Not an Event by K. Kandiah

This editorial by Kandiah makes many of the same points I have been making on this blog the last several years.

Church is not just about spreading the Gospel (as so many Christians incorrectly assume), but God designed the church to also serve as a community, another family, where widowed, single, and divorced adults could get their needs for companionship met.

But most churches today do not want to engage in that role; all the church-goers want to go home to their homes in the suburbs with their biological families and just hang out with their families.

Many church-going Christians don’t care to invite over the divorcee’ or the widower or the never married woman and include any of those people in their lives.

(Link): Church Is a Family, Not an Event by K. Kandiah

Excerpts:

The Bible refers to fellow Christians as “brothers and sisters,” but how often do we treat them as family?

…More Than an Event
I have met many pastors and church members who can tell similar stories. As I visit many churches that are embracing people in desperate need of family, my eyes are continually being opened not only to what family truly can be but to what church as family truly can be.

This shift in perception of what church is, and what church is for, has huge implications, not just for our own personal spiritual development but for our understanding of mission, evangelism, worship, justice, hospitality, and discipleship.

Avid Motorcyclist 39, Crashes and Dies Just Months After He Staged FAKE Accident to Propose to His Girlfriend

Avid Motorcyclist 39, Crashes and Dies Just Months After He Staged FAKE Accident to Propose to His Girlfriend

(Link): Avid motorcyclist, 39, crashes and dies just months after he staged FAKE accident to propose to his girlfriend

An motorcyclist died in a tragic in an accident just months after he staged his own accident to propose to his girlfriend.

Miguel Angel Pena, 39, was enjoying another ride along the Dominican Republic’s resort town of Las Terrenas with a group of other bikers when he lost control of his motorcycle on a highway on Friday.

Bride Battling Cancer Dies 18 Hours After Exchanging Vows

Joanne the widow lady (Link): was just crying or complaining to Christian show host Pat Robertson that her husband died after 37 years of marriage – how do you think this groom feels, that he only got EIGHTEEN HOURS with his spouse? (And women like me have ZERO HOURS with a spouse?)

(Link): Bride Battling Cancer Dies 18 Hours After Exchanging Vows

(Link): Bride battling breast cancer dies 18 hours after wedding

Bride battling breast cancer dies 18 hours after wedding. A Connecticut bride lost her battle with breast cancer just 18 hours after exchanging wedding vows with her husband. The former Heather Lindsay and David Mosher said, “I do” Dec. 22 in the chapel of St. Francis Hospital and Medical Center in Hartford.

(Link): Woman battling cancer dies hours after getting married

The story of a woman who died from cancer 18 hours after getting married has broken hearts across the world.

Heather Mosher, from Connecticut, married her husband, David Mosher a few days before Christmas, after the couple brought the wedding forward out of fears Heather wouldn’t make it to their planned ceremony on 30 December.

Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her

Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her

Several months ago, the viewer question segment of the 700 Club’s show was called “Bring It On,” but for whatever the reason, they changed the name of the segment to “Your Questions, Honest Answers.”

On today’s (January 3, 2018) program, a woman named Joanne wrote Pat Robertson with this question (video below). I will type up a transcript of her letter (which was read aloud by the lady co-host) and then I will opine about the letter below the transcript:

Viewer Question Transcript:

My husband and I were happily married for 37 years. Every single night I prayed to God thanking him for my husband and the life we had together.

I asked God to never take him from me, for I had hoped that we would grow old together.

Then one day out of nowhere, my husband was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. I was devastated and I felt like my sincere prayer must not have meant anything to God.

Man Seeking Soulmate After Wife Dies Threw 2,000 Messages in Bottles Into the Sea

Man Seeking Soulmate After Wife Dies Threw 2,000 Messages in Bottles Into the Sea

I feel bad for this guy. He loses his wife, does this message in a bottle thing, and a bunch of environmental grouches criticize him

(Link):   Widower, 49, who sent hundreds of messages in bottles in a search for romance finds locals don’t love his idea as they accuse him of LITTERING

(Link): Bottle man lands 50 potential dates

(Link):   Widower under fire for littering beaches with 2,000 messages in bottles

…Eighteen months after his wife, Julia, died from breast cancer, Craig Sullivan went on a mission — to find another great love.

…”That started me thinking. If I could find some good places to throw some bottles, they might wash up on your shore,” Sullivan wrote in a blog post. “You might open one and read a message.”

Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks

Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks

I have several topics I’d like to address here. I’m going to discuss death, grief, dating, how men are too fixated on women’s looks, etc, and so on, all in the same post.

I learned from watching the Christian program “It is Written” today (Feb 2017) that the wife of Christian TV host Mike Tucker, Gayle, died. I’m not sure when the episode was first filmed or first aired.

You can read a transcript of that episode, “From Grief To Hope” (Link, off site): here.

You might be able to watch that very episode or one like it here: (Link, off site): Coping with Grief.

I see from an online obit that Gayle Tucker passed away in April 2016.

I am sorry for his loss.

I lost my mother, and it hurt a lot.

(Link, off site):  Gayle Tucker, Beloved Marriage Counselor on Faith For Today TV, Dead at 60

April 2016 –  The prominent Adventist television personality dies after a brief struggle with pancreatic cancer.

(Link, off site):   Beloved Christian TV Host, Couples’ Counselor Dead at 60

I learned a few years ago that the hosts and backers of “It Is Written” are SDAs (Seventh Day Adventists).

I also learned from a glance over google search results that Mike Tucker is a Seventh Day Adventist.

Part of SDA theology is something called “Soul Sleep,” a view that I totally disagree with and find discouraging and cruel.

Christian Speaker Christine Caine Apologizes to Adult Singles For Singles Being Marginalized by the Church, for Church Idolizing Marriage

Christian Speaker Christine Caine Apologizes to Adult Singles For Singles Being Marginalized by the Church, for Church Idolizing Marriage

I was watching the TBN program “Praise the Lord” tonight (April 22, 2016), and Christian speaker Christine Caine (who I don’t know a whole lot about) was a guest.

Caine has a new book called “Unashamed” she was there to promote. I have not read the book; it’s supposed to be released in May of 2016.

If I am remembering the program correctly, Caine said a chapter in her book apologizes to adult singles (especially the women) – the never married, the widows, the divorced – for how the church (as in church universal, all Christians) have sidelined, ignored, or heaped shame upon adult singles for being single.

Caine informed hosts Lori and Matt Crouch that about 57% of people (not sure if she meant 57% of people in the United States or the entire world) are single now – but the church keeps holding marriage up as the example, so that women who don’t marry by the age of 35 are made to feel ashamed or like failures.

Caine also mentioned that the 57% number is also the same figure for the church, that there are many, many single adults in the Christian faith.

Caine said that the church ignores the never-married and the “single again” (such as widows). She apologized to them for this.

The Crouch couple, Matt and Lori, who own TBN, seemed a little surprised or shocked to hear that 57% of adults are single in and out of the church.

Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

Holy guacamole did I ever find a post by a Christian guy who really knows how to slam never-married or “single again” adults.

I was astounded by parts of this guy’s post.

I almost re-tweeted a link to his blog post about divorce from my Twitter page (I saw someone else share it on Twitter), thinking someone may find it helpful (judging from the title alone, it sounded like it might be a good page) but thankfully, I skimmed it first.

I left a reply under the guy’s post, and his blog says my post is awaiting moderation. Who knows if he will approve it to appear or not.

(August 2016 update: my comment on his blog, that I made in April 2016, is STILL tagged with the “awaiting moderation” comment on his blog. Unreal.)

I have copied in my reply farther below. I tried to be civil in my reply.

I’m going to try to be charitable here on my own blog: maybe this guy does not realize how deeply insulting his blog post is – the parts where he talks about divorced people or the never-married.

This guy should realize that upholding marriage or discouraging divorce does not necessitate INSULTING SINGLE PEOPLE.

You do not have to scare married people out of divorce by suggesting that all “single again” or never-married adults out there are great big, scary losers who have a lot of baggage, so if married people divorce, they won’t be able to find a great partner.

Christian Radio Host Busted for Slapping Woman’s ‘Butt Cheek’ Inside Target Restroom – And How This Conflicts With Preacher Doug Wilson’s Propriety of Rape Commentary

Christian Radio Host Busted for Slapping Woman’s ‘Butt Cheek’ Inside Target Restroom – And How This Conflicts With Preacher Doug Wilson’s Propriety of Rape Commentary

First, here is a link to the news story with some excerpts, followed by some observations by me:

(Link): Christian Radio Host Busted for Slapping Woman’s ‘Butt Cheek’ Inside Target Restroom by B P Markus 

Excerpts:

• Feb 17, 2016
• A  customer, (Link): The Blade reports.
• Mark Wayne Howington, 52, was arrested Thursday and charged with assault after a woman said she entered the restroom in the Ohio Target store and had it pulled open by Howington. As he passed her, he allegedly “slapped her butt cheek really hard,” according to a police report obtained by The Blade.
• The woman, Debra Piechowski, told ABC13 she was at a Target store with her niece in Toledo looking for a birthday and Valentine’s Day gift for her husband.
• Howington co-hosts a morning show on (Link): Proclaim FM, a Christian radio station.
• She went to security but the man who slapped her left really quickly.

Before I tie this in with pastor Doug Wilson (much farther below), I wanted to reiterate a few points I normally make about such stories when I post them.

I don’t know if this Howington guy is married or not, or a father. If he is either one or both, I can tell you this is another example of how being married or a parent are not indicators of maturity or godliness, as many Christians say they are. Nor is being married a guarantee a man is not going to pull sexual shenanigans on people who aren’t his wife.

Married people also sexually sin at times. Sexual sin is not the lone province of single adults.

Not only am I, a never married adult not having sex (I have chosen to stay celibate so far into my life), but I don’t go around doing things like slapping other people on their butts.

Avoid Dating Divorced Guys Who Are Dating on the Rebound – and Icky May December Relationships

Avoid Dating Divorced Guys Who Are Dating on the Rebound – and Icky May December Relationships

The letter is much farther below. I wanted to comment on it first.

Here is the set up:

A friend of a divorced guy wrote to Hax, an advice columnist.

 I’m not sure if this friend is a man or woman; let’s just assume it’s a man for my post.

My interest in this letter is not in the advice aspect: friend is upset because divorced guy keeps asking him for advice but then gets offended and explodes in anger when Friend gives him advice.

My interest in this letter pertains to two or three other facets:

The letter writing friend says his divorced friend is age mid-40s, while the wife who dumped him was in her early 30s.

I am (Link): not a  believer in “May December” relationships, for starters.

A mid- 40s guy should be dating women who are age early- to- late 40s, not an early- 30s woman.

And what in the hey is the age early- 30s woman doing even considering dating some dude who is 14, 15 years her senior?

This is something I have pondered since thinking about dating again: the rebound issue. There is no way I’d date a guy who was divorced (or widowed) for only two years, or less.

If you date a guy who just divorced (or his wife died) two weeks ago, or six months ago, he is not ready for a serious relationship – he’s not even ready for a healthy, casual, fun one.

Please Shut Up About Family and Christmas – by Laura (some people are alone at the holidays; they are not married, have no kids)

Please Shut Up About Family and Christmas – by Laura

(Link): Please Shut Up About Family and Christmas – by Laura

A few excerpts (please use the link above to visit their site to read the whole thing):

by Laura

This season I’ve heard an excessive emphasis, in various Christian circles, on spending time with family at Christmas. We should all be with family on Christmas – period. That is what it is all about! Much of this has come across (to me at least) as potentially alienating or could actually make some people feel lonely, isolated, or guilty. The church unfortunately seems to excel at alienating people. I wish it would stop. Could we stop assuming everyone fits in the same little box or life situation?

What do I mean exactly? Of course, I am not opposed to spending time with family at Christmas! It certainly is a time to connect with loved ones. But is it necessary to word it in such a way that implies everyone must be exclusively with family? We should encourage people to look around themselves, and include others who might not have anyone to be with on Christmas.

This is not the time to be cliquey and focus inward on our little family. Look outward. Who out there might appreciate being included? Who can you welcome to the table?

Isn’t that an important part of the Christmas message? Jesus came to bring salvation to all people – to expand the faith to include “gentiles” or those of all nationalities or cultures.

• —Please click here to read the rest—

—————————–

Related posts:

(Link):  The Isolating Power of Family-Centered Language (How churches exclude singles and the childless) by E A Dause

(Link):  If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link): Church Is a Family, Not an Event by K. Kandiah

(Link):  Why Christians Need To Stress Spiritual Family Over the Nuclear Family – People with no flesh and blood relations including Muslims who Convert to Christianity – Also: First World, White, Rich People Problems

(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)

(Link): Neither Fully Widow Nor Fully Wife – Married People Will Be Single Again (Married people who have spouses with dementia)

(Link): Churches Ignoring The Olds: Increasing Population of Senior Citizens In America – Yet Churches Keep Obsessing About Kids and 20 Somethings

(Link): Unmarried America: How Single Adults Are Changing the Face of the U.S. and What It Means for the Church by R. Hurst

(Link): Post by Sarah Bessey Re: Churches Ignore Never Married Older and/or Childless Christian Women, Discriminate Against Them

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link): Pew for One: How Is the Church Responding to Growing Number of Singles? by S. Hamaker

(Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists