Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse

Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial (2019) Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse

I am a never-married woman who is over the age of 45, and I am childless. I had wanted to be married but never found the right guy, so I remain single.

I was a very devout Christian for many years, until a few years ago.

I did a blog post about (Link): another editorial on Christianity Today’s site, where a married woman with small children wrote a long piece extolling the virtues of single, childless women:
but only in the context of how she found single, childless women useful to her because they could provide her with free babysitting services that she could not obtain from her biological family, who lived 1,000 miles away.

Here again, in April 2019, is another editorial in the same vein: a piece that extols the wonders and virtues of how single, childless women can or should meet the needs of married women, especially married ones who have children and need free babysitting services and emotional support.

Now, if you’re the sort of single, childless woman who sincerely enjoys babysitting married women’s children, that is fine by me. But I am not one of them.

I’m not opposed to single, childless women caring for, or taking an interest in, other people’s children, if they so desire.

I am opposed to this when this is one of the only options presented to Christian women, however.

Baby Died of Malnutrition, Dehydration, and an E. Coli Infection Caused by Being Left In a Maggot-Infested Diaper for Two Weeks

Baby Died of Malnutrition, Dehydration, and an E. Coli Infection Caused by Being Left In a Maggot-Infested Diaper for Two Weeks

(Link): Baby Died of Malnutrition, Dehydration, and an E. Coli Infection Caused by Being Left In a Maggot-Infested Diaper for Two Weeks

Cheyanne Harris, 21, left the courthouse in Iowa, US, crying after harrowing pictures of four-month-old Sterling Koehn were shown to a jury

A young [mom] accused of leaving her baby son to die in a maggot-infested nappy [diaper] sobbed in court yesterday.

Jurors were shown photos of tragic four-month-old Sterling Koehn at his [mom] Cheyanne Harris’ trial.

Mother Sexually Abused Her Own Infant Son While Breastfeeding Him And Video Taping It

Mother Sexually Abused Her Own Infant Son While Breastfeeding Him And Video Taping It

The link to the news story is much farther below.

If I am understanding this article correctly, this woman sexually abused her own infant son as she was breastfeeding him, took video of it, and uploaded the video somewhere.

In the article, she says she made these child sex abuse videos because she has low self esteem because the father of the infant son she was abusing dumped her – he left her.

I grew up hearing from Christians – Christians in churches I went to, in Christian literature, and even now, sometimes I see on Christian magazine sites and blogs, that the nuclear family, marriage, and kids are all-important are the only things that can fix American culture.

Further, a lot of conservative Christians will teach that marriage and parenthood are necessary to make a person a true, full adult. They will teach that anyone who remains single and/or childless has stunted development, is immature, ungodly,  and irresponsible.

‘Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you’

‘Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you’

(Link): ‘Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you‘

Excerpts:

August 2018

Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you — the Friends star and Kylie Minogue shouldn’t have to justify themselves
Friends legend Jennifer Aniston has been met with quizzical responses to her personal decision not to procreate

FOR two decades, Jennifer Aniston has been the subject of frenzied and almost constant speculation about when she would become a mum. Most frustratingly for her, it was always a question of when and not if.

After all, how could a beautiful rich woman with an equally beautiful and rich man(whether it be Brad Pitt, John Mayer or Justin Theroux) possibly not want to have beautiful babies together?

…This week, Jen had enough, letting rip in her most forthright interview ever to InStyle magazine.

I’m in My 40s, Child-Free and Happy. Why Won’t Anyone Believe Me? By Glynnis MacNicol

I’m in My 40s, Child-Free and Happy. Why Won’t Anyone Believe Me? By Glynnis MacNicol

As to this editorial below – I for one never cared much if I had children or not. I just wanted to be married.

So I am more than a little puzzled or annoyed by societal attitudes that assume I am pitiable because I don’t have children, or that I must not know my own preferences or my own mind.

(Link): I’m in My 40s, Child-Free and Happy. Why Won’t Anyone Believe Me?

Excerpts:

Since I turned 40 I’ve encountered disbelief that I could possibly be enjoying my own life. But then there’s the other unexpected gift of this age: just how little concern I have for others’ opinions.

By Glynnis MacNicol
July 5, 2018

A few months before my 42nd birthday, I was out to dinner with friends and found myself seated next to a well-known older male writer.

I happened to be in the final stages of finishing a proposal for a memoir about being a single woman over 40 without children, and was inwardly marveling at the timing of our encounter. I was a fan of his. Perhaps he might offer some wisdom? Words of encouragement?

As drinks were delivered I sketched the outline of the story: No one had prepared me for how exhilarating life could be on my own. I was traveling all the time, doing what I wanted, when I wanted, released from the fear of the clock that had dogged me through my 30s.

Conversely, no one had warned me of the ways in which it would actually be difficult; my mother had been very ill, for instance, and part of the book was about caring for her.

No sooner had I finished than the famous writer placed his glass firmly on the white tablecloth, leaned back and declared: “Glynnis MacNicol, you have a terrible life!”

….I again faced a dilemma I’d been struggling with since turning 40: how to counter other people’s disbelief that I, single and child-free, could possibly be enjoying my own life.

The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’

The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’

As of 2018, the snotty entitlement and insensitivity of some mothers – and Christian men who support them – continues.

I’ve been blogging about this topic for a few years now on this blog. It makes me sad to see this still going on.

DefendTheSheep (person on Twitter) tweeted out a link to this reasonable essay imploring Christians to be more sensitive towards those who find the Mother’s Day holiday painful. Link to that:

(Link): Don’t Ask Moms To Stand in Church This Sunday

My problem is not with the essay itself.

As a matter of fact, I encourage you to click the link above to visit the page and read it.

My problem was with some of the hideous comments various people left below the page.

Some of the comments were just incredibly insensitive or very mistaken about why some people find Mother’s Day – especially when it’s celebrated during church services – to be hurtful or stressful.

Christians often like to teach that parenthood and marriage are necessary to make people more giving and loving and compassionate, but that is not so. The married parents leaving comments under blog posts such as the one I am discussing here are very selfish and entitled – being parents has done nothing to make them more loving, caring, or empathetic.

New Study Suggests Women With Children Age 11 Years Faster Than Their Child-Free Peers

New Study Suggests Women With Children Age 11 Years Faster Than Their Child-Free Peers

(Link):  New Study Suggests Women With Children Age 11 Years Faster Than Their Child-Free Peers

If going through the pain of labor isn’t enough, a new study published in the journal Human Reproduction seems to suggest that women who give birth age faster than their child-free peers, at least on a cellular level.

Apparently, having a child racks up the equivalent of an additional 11 years on this one measure of biological aging and scientists are not so sure why this is.

Christian Couple Kept Their 13 Children ‘Starving’ and Shackled in Chains Inside House of Horror, Police Say

Christian Couple Kept Their 13 Children ‘Starving’ and Shackled in Chains Inside House of Horror, Police Say

You can see once more how The Nuclear Family, Parenthood, and Marriage does not save society or make things safer for children.

I’m conservative, but a lot of other conservatives (both Christian and secular) will try to argue that society has fallen apart because of feminism or due to liberals and they further suggest that society  would not be such a cess pool only if every one would marry by the age of 25 and have ten kids apiece and become a Christian.

This couple being married, having kids, and reading the Bible, being into traditional gender roles and being Christian did not make them better people, nor did it make our culture a better place.

I’m sure there are probably some atheist parents out there who treat their kids better than this Christian couple treated their kids.

I fail to see how liberalism or secular feminism is to blame for this Christian couple shackling their kids to beds for years and refusing to feed them.

(Link):  Christian Couple Kept Their 13 Children ‘Starving’ and Shackled in Chains Inside House of Horror, Police Say

Jan 16, 2018

The home of a California couple known in their community as a good Christian family was revealed to be a house of horror Sunday morning when local police rescued their 13 children, some of whom were found “shackled to their beds with chains and padlocks in dark and foul-smelling surroundings.”

Woman Gives Birth To A Giant Tumor On The Toilet After Her ‘Baby’ Turns Out To Be Cancer

Woman Gives Birth To A Giant Tumor On The Toilet After Her ‘Baby’ Turns Out To Be Cancer

Do not read this while eating. You will barf.

Another reason to feel good about being celibate and childless. No chance of this happening.

(Link): Woman Gives Birth To A Giant Tumor On The Toilet After Her ‘Baby’ Turns Out To Be Cancer

Lauren Knowles was diagnosed with a molar pregnancy, after a scan showed a mass in her womb

A MUM-of-two was forced to give birth to a huge tumour on the toilet after her “baby” was diagnosed as cancer.

Lauren Knowles was over the moon when her pregnancy test read positive.

But when the then 27-year-old noticed heavy spotting at seven-and-a-half weeks, doctors sent her for a scan.

The Dangerous Risks of Putting Motherhood on a Pedestal by C. Millard

The Dangerous Risks of Putting Motherhood on a Pedestal by C. Millard

The Dangerous Risks of Putting Motherhood on a Pedestal by C. Millard

Excerpts:

…Note the double-edged sword of motherhood here. Attracting the praise of being a “good mother” was always accompanied by the threat that you might fall from the perch at any moment and cause devastating harm to your child.

Hence the amplification of mechanisms of control, censure, and punishment that go hand in hand with the valorization and surveillance of parenting. Deep within the medical and psychological frameworks promoting motherhood in this period, there lurks male anxiety over female power and influence.

Study: Motherhood Is Rotten for Women’s Self-Esteem by E. Strauss

Study: Motherhood Is Rotten for Women’s Self-Esteem by E. Strauss

(Link):  Having kids lowers women’s self-esteem for at least three years (on Twitter)

Excerpts:

…Led by researchers at the University of Tilburg, psychologists analyzed survey data collected from more than 84,000 Norwegian women between 1999 and 2008.

…The researchers found a consistent pattern: Women experienced declines in self-esteem during their pregnancies, and then increases in the six months afterwards. But then their self-esteem declined once again, and continued falling. By three years into their child’s life, it was still lower than their original “baseline.”

…After birth the picture gets more complex, and another clue might lie in the study’s other major finding. At the same key intervals, researchers also asked women to evaluate their relationships.

They found that women’s estimation of their romantic partners remained fairly steady during pregnancy, but fell dramatically right after the baby was born. The same effect was also noticeable, to a lesser extent, after subsequent children were born.

(Link): Motherhood Is Rotten for Women’s Self-Esteem by E. Strauss

Excerpts:

A recent example of this comes from Norway, where researchers conducted a study for which they tracked nearly 85,000 women from pregnancy through the first three years of their children’s lives and asked them questions about how having children affected their self-esteem. The findings are dispiriting, if unsurprising.

The team, led by psychologist Manon A. Van Scheppingen, had participants fill out questionnaires rating their self-esteem and relationship satisfaction throughout this time period.

Pastor Actually Questions, in the Year 2017, If It’s Acceptable for Mothers to Work Outside of the Home.

Pastor Actually Questions, in the Year 2017, If It’s Acceptable for Mothers to Work Outside of the Home.

I cannot believe we are in the year 2017, and Christians are still asking about this sort of thing and pontificating about it. To even ask and muse about this in 2017 is just sexist.

In regards to this story linked to below, Dee of Wartburg Watch asked on Twitter, something along the lines of, how much money does preacher Todd Wagner earn so that his wife (assuming he has a wife and kids) is able to stay at home all day to watch their kids?

How many of the women in Wagner’s church congregation (who may even be mothers themselves) have jobs outside the home, part of whose job income are paid to him in tithes, so that he can afford to have his wife stay at home and be a stay at home mother?

(Link): Does the Bible Say It’s OK for Moms to Work?

Excerpts:

July 28, 2017

by Sheryl Lynn

The pastor of a multi-site church in Texas [Watermark Community Church] recently responded to a question on whether the Bible says it’s OK for moms to work.

While it’s not forbidden, Todd Wagner questioned the motive behind a mother choosing to work over being at home with her children.

// end excerpt

“While it’s not forbidden.” – Yes, you can end it right there. Anything beyond this is Wagner’s opinion.

“I Regret Having Children” – Various Mothers Interviewed (via NY Post)

“I Regret Having Children” – Various Mothers Interviewed (via NY Post)

(Link): “I Regret Having Children” – Various Mothers Interviewed (via NY Post) by G. Wilson

….Here, a handful of women who have shared how they wish they could turn back time and do it all differently.

…Single-mother hardship

“I regret having my daughter.

“She is now 12 and it is easier as they get older, but sometimes I look at her and wish she had never been born. I was/am a single mother and right from the start the moment the midwife gave her to me I didn’t feel this instant love that people talk of, all I felt was the huge weight of regret.

“Being a single mother with a baby that hardly slept and screamed all the time was awful, I was constantly exhausted, but I never told anyone about how I really felt for fear of being judged, I couldn’t give her to my parents for a night or two because of their drinking.

Motherhood Is Not A Woman’s Most Important Job by J. Wright

Motherhood Is Not A Woman’s Most Important Job by J. Wright

(Link): Motherhood Is Not A Woman’s Most Important Job by J. Wright

Excerpts:

…Except, for women, their mothering skills are becoming an increasingly relevant topic of discussion. In the past year, women have been told either implicitly or explicitly that traditional roles are the ones they should be most focused on fulfilling. We’re dealing with a President who has said “putting a wife to work is a dangerous thing,” because, “a softness disappeared.” He also said that “when I come home and dinner’s not ready, I go through the roof.”

….Being a parent is a source of joy and challenge and meaning for many humans of all genders. But it’s not the most important job there is. It’s not even technically a job, insofar as it pays no money. It is more like a very demanding volunteer position that you can never, ever get out of.

And, as rewarding as that position may be, producing a younger person is not necessarily the main contribution people make to the world. People can probably not tell you how many children Harriet Tubman or Marie Curie or Elizabeth Cady Stanton had, but they can, hopefully, tell you what they did.

Mom Allegedly Beats Son Who Gave Mother’s Day Card to Grandmother, Not Her

Mom Allegedly Beats Son Who Gave Mother’s Day Card to Grandmother, Not Her

Why, why, why, are so many of my fellow conservatives so doggedly determined to defend a secular holiday which unnecessarily alienates or hurts so many people (such as infertile couples, etc), and things like this happen (and, I find this story to be heart-breaking – the kid was just trying to give his grandmother a card, for pete’s sake):

(Link): Mom allegedly beats son who gave Mother’s Day card to grandmother, not her – May 14, 2017

A South Carolina mother has been accused of beating her young son after the boy made a Mother’s Day card for his grandmother, but not one for her.

Spartanburg Police said Shontrell Murphy, 30, repeatedly hit her 6-year-old son after ripping up the card, Fox Carolina reported.

Your Church’s Mother’s Day Carnation is Not Worth Any Woman’s Broken Heart – A Critique of ‘When Mother’s Day Feels Like a Minefield’ by L. L. Fields

Your Church’s Mother’s Day Carnation is Not Worth Any Woman’s Broken Heart – A Critique of ‘When Mother’s Day Feels Like a Minefield’ by L. L. Fields

Please note this blog post has undergone some modifications here and there since I first published it – a few fixed typos, some additional thoughts have been added here and there.

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Here’s the link to the editorial – below it, I will comment about it, then a bit later, provide some excerpts from it, followed by yet more critiques):

(Link):  When Mother’s Day Feels Like a Minefield –  Let’s reimagine ways we can honor mothers without wounding others.   by L L Fields via Christianity Today magazine

Here are some of my thoughts about the editorial:

As I first began reading it, I had high hopes. I was optimistic.

It started out on the right foot but descended into a let-down where Fields is arguing for the status quo, which is inexcusable, especially after she admits she was educated, (after she publicly asked for feedback from women), as to how so many women find church Mother’s Day celebrations so painful.

(The summary of her piece: she doesn’t really care about your pain, you childless woman, or you women who are grieving for their dead mothers; she still wants her mother’s day carnation handed to her by a pastor, dammit, and culture doesn’t do near enough, she argues, to honor motherhood!
She would no doubt want to push back and say, ‘hey, I do care about other women’s pain’ – but no, she does not, if she is still arguing to keep Mother’s Day in place as-is. Please keep reading.)

First of all, motherhood is a choice for many women.

You chose to have a child. If there is one thing I cannot stand, it’s women who deliberately walk into a pregnancy and then spend 15 – 20 years complaining about how exhausting motherhood is.

Woman’s Identity Way Too Tied Up In Motherhood (Penny on 700 Club)

Woman’s Identity Way Too Tied Up In Motherhood

The woman who wrote to Pat Robertson’s Christian show “700 Club,” Penny, did not specify if she is a Christian, and one who is a complementarian, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she was one or both.

She wrote:

Four years ago, I was going through an extremely difficult time. My 16 year old daughter left home and moved 2,000 miles away.

Not only was my daughter gone but it seemed like 16 and a half years of my life were gone too. Being an at home mom made it that much more difficult for me.

I dealt with extreme rejection, loss, and sense of purpose. I felt like a failure. I lost my daughter, I lost friends and financially we struggled.

We lost our home and we lived in poverty. I grieved going through so much loss. If my own child didn’t even need me, then what is my purpose in life?

[signed]

PENNY

I think it’s unfortunate that some women think their only value is in child-rearing, that they base their entire identity on being a wife and mother, which is what Penny has done.

I Don’t Want Kids. How Can I Get People to Stop Pressuring Me Once and For All? (Ask E Jean)

I Don’t Want Kids. How Can I Get People to Stop Pressuring Me Once and For All? (Ask E Jean)

(Link): I Don’t Want Kids. How Can I Get People to Stop Pressuring Me Once and For All? – Ask E Jean

From a 38 year old woman, who says everyone and their brother asks her about when or if she’s going to have children:

I’m a devoted aunt to my nieces and nephews and have tons of respect for parents. I just don’t want to be one.

…However, everyone seems to be pressuring me to have kids! People I don’t even know well—friends of friends, random taxi drivers—constantly comment: “Why don’t you have kids yet?” or “You should have kids before it’s too late!”

Children Taken From Maryland Couple After YouTube ‘Prank’ Videos – Parenthood Does Not Make People More Mature, Godly, Loving, or Responsible

Children Taken From Maryland Couple After YouTube ‘Prank’ Videos – Parenthood Does Not Make People More Mature, Godly, Loving, or Responsible

Many secular conservatives and Christians go on and on about how nuclear families are necessary for society, they shame or criticize women who do not have children, and they feel that being a parent is necessary to make a person more responsible, mature, or godly. I should know, because I am a right winger. I’ve been a conservative for years, but I think other conservatives really get this stuff wrong.

Every week, I see news stories of parents who neglect or verbally or physically abuse their children – being parents did not make such parents mature, godly, loving, or responsible.

I was verbally abused by my father  and sister growing up, and it’s a very painful thing to endure – my father has mellowed out a tad since growing older (he can still be a little verbally abusive, but not as often as when I was younger), but my sister has gotten worse.

When I was younger, my dad would sometimes pull “pranks” on me similar to what the dad in these You Tube videos was doing to his kids, in addition to run-of-the-mill put-downs where my father would tell me he didn’t value my thoughts, opinions, and basically convey to me he thought I was a loser and a failure.

When you have these sorts of “pranks” pulled on you when you are a kid, they HURT. They make you feel rejected and unloved by the parent doing it. There is nothing funny about it.

The kid is hurt now, but I can guarantee when he gets much older and reflects on this, the anger will come out – most of the hurt will die down, and he will instead be infuriated and resent that his dad did this to him.

What this dad did is cruel. It’s not funny. What they (the father and the stepmother in this story) did is in fact emotional abuse – I’m guessing the mouth-breathing morons behind this You Tube channel (the Martin parents) only regard physical strikes as “abuse.” WRONG. Abuse can be emotional / verbal.

So. I feel sorry for the kids in the story below – I know what it’s like to be verbally and emotionally abused, to have pranks done to me and cruel words said to me under the guise it’s just “joking around” and so on.

Christians and secular right wingers need to let go of this idea that marriage and parenting are necessary to make people productive, mature, good people – that’s clearly NOT THE CASE.

The New York Times ran (Link): this Tweet today:

“The couple verbally berated their 5 children, often to the point of tears, then racked up millions of YouTube views”

…Children Taken From Maryland Couple After YouTube ‘Prank’ Videos … The parents first defended the videos, posted on the DaddyOFive (You Tube channel) …

Here are some more links about it:

(Link):  YouTube prank parents lose custody of their kids

(Link):  DaddyOFive parents lose custody ‘over YouTube pranks

(Link):  These YouTube parents pulled disturbing ‘pranks’ on their kids. Now, they’ve lost custody.

The videos on DaddyOFive’s YouTube channel were hard to watch. In one, parents Heather and Mike Martin scream at 9-year-old Cody, accusing him of spilling ink on the ground. (He didn’t spill anything, and the stains on the carpet were from trick ink).

Another shows Cody being shoved into a bookcase. In a third, the dad encourages one of his sons to slap 11-year-old Emma, the only girl among the five children in the family.

He does, hard enough to make Emma cry.

When the broader YouTube community found out about the channel, there was an angry uprising. And now, the once-estranged birth mother of Cody and Emma has emergency custody of her two kids.

(Link):   YouTubers who made kids cry with extreme prank lose custody

(Link):  Cruel YouTube father and stepmom who filmed themselves telling their nine-year-old son he was going to be adopted and smashing his X-box lose custody of their two children

• Maryland parents Mike and Heather Martin have a YouTube channel in which their two youngest children are often the victim of cruel pranks
• The parents of five had been under fire for an April video pranking their son, Cody, nine
• Stepmom Heather squirted disappearing ink all over son Cody’s bedroom carpet
• Parents bawl him out, then reveal the joke and make him plug their channel
• They released an apology video in April, but still said the kids were in on the ‘pranks’ 
• The parents lost custody of Mike’s two children, Cody, nine, and Emma, 12
• Cody and Emma’s biological mom, Rose Hall, says the children are being ‘deprogrammed’ from the abuse

Mother Brutally Assaulted Daughter for Reciting Bible Verses Incorrectly: Police

Mother Brutally Assaulted Daughter for Reciting Bible Verses Incorrectly: Police

So much for the conservative Christian claim that parenthood is necessary to make a person more ethical, responsible, and godly.

Motherhood sure as heck did not make the woman in this story loving or godly.

(Link): Mother brutally assaulted daughter for reciting Bible verses incorrectly: Police

A Middletown woman was arrested after police said she severely assaulted her daughter and kicked her out of her house because the girl incorrectly recited Bible verses to her last week.

Police filed child endangerment charges against Rhonda Kemp Shoffner, 41, of the first block of Genesis Court, following the incident March 14.

The victim, who is under the age of 13, told police the assault occurred just after she awoke from a nap in her mother’s home about 3 p.m.

 … Each time the girl incorrectly recited a verse or gave her mother a wrong answer, Shoffner slammed her head into the wall, police said. Shoffner slammed her daughter’s head into the bathroom drywall at least five times, according to police.