Why Are So Many Single Women Leaving the Church? by K. Gaddini

Why Are So Many Single Women Leaving the Church? by K. Gaddini

I have been blogging about this topic, and ones pertaining to it, for several years now. It’s no mystery to me why women have been leaving the church in droves the last ten or more years.

(If you’d like to see just a few of my posts explaining why the Christian faith, or more specifically, churches, are a huge turn-off to single women, please see some of the links to my other blog posts below in this post, under the “Related Posts” heading.)

However, most Christians only obsess over smaller numbers of MEN leaving church; they don’t seem to either notice or to care that single women have been dropping out as well.

One of the few things this article highlights is that the “equally yoked” rule is a waste of time for women of faith who’d like to be married.

If you are a Christian woman, and you’d like to marry, it is vital you give up a hope or strict rule of marrying only a Christian man – otherwise, you are more than likely to remain single.

Secondly, and obviously, too many churches have made marriage and parenthood into idols and benchmarks of adulthood, so that any woman who doesn’t marry or have kids is ignored or viewed and treated like a child. That needs to change. Single women should be valued and recognized in their singleness. 

I can also see how gender complementarianism (traditional gender roles) are also keeping these Christian women from getting married: they have internalized the idea that being anything other than the Christian gender complementarian woman (i.e., a passive doormat) hinders them from getting a husband, and worse yet, some of the men they’ve met in church actually do feel that way.

Christians need to toss out the regressive stereotypes (which are snuck into Christian teaching under heretical gender complementarian teachings) if they are truly concerned about declining marriage rates and would like to actually help marriage-minded single women to get married.

Not all women naturally fit into the gender complementarian ideal, which means they may not get married, if everyone insists all women must be gender comp to merit marriage. (The Bible does not hold up women being passive or being gender complementarian to merit a husband; it is church members who promote this false view.)

(Link): Why Are So Many Single Women Leaving the Church? by K. Gaddini

Excerpts:

…. It turns out that in both countries, single Christian women are leaving churches at increasingly high rates. In the UK, one study showed that single women are the most likely group to leave Christianity.

In the US, the numbers tell a similar story.

Of course, there is a distinction between leaving church and leaving Christianity, and these studies do not make the difference clear.

Regardless, leaving – whether it be your congregation or your faith — is a difficult decision. Women stand to lose their friends, their sense of identity, their community and, in some cases, even their family. And yet, many are doing it anyway.

What or who is driving them out?

Dear Prudence, My Friend Won’t Stop Demanding I Get Pregnant

Dear Prudence, My Friend Won’t Stop Demanding I Get Pregnant

How frigging obnoxious. I would not have a problem telling this “Jane” person, if I knew her, to STFU and get out of my business.

I’m sure not opposed to people having children and so on, but even as a conservative, I find that most conservatives – especially the religious types – do this same thing that “Jane” is doing to her female friends on a bigger scale: they are forever publishing thought pieces, usually alarmist or shaming in nature, screaming at all women to run out and get pregnant, and they too can STFU about this.

(Link): Dear Prudence, My My Friend Won’t Stop Demanding I Get Pregnant 

By DANIEL MALLORY ORTBERG

Dear Prudence,

My friend “Betty” is single, and I’m about to get married, but we’ve both noticed a recent trend with our friend “Jane” that we can’t abide. Every time we see her, Jane expresses how excited she is for us to have children.

We hear some version of “You have to have kids!” or “I can’t wait till you have babies!”

Usually she is drunk when this happens, but she’s mentioned it sober too. It makes us both extremely uncomfortable.

Mother of a Two-Day-Old Baby That Was Burned To Death as Part of a Satanic Ritual Has Been Caught by Police (Child’s Father Also Involved in Baby’s Murder)

Mother of a Two-Day-Old Baby That Was Burned To Death as Part of a Satanic Ritual Has Been Caught by Police (Child’s Father Also Involved in Baby’s Murder)

In light of the appearance of news stories such as this one (link below), I never again want to hear Christians or “pro family” propaganda organizations acting as though single or child-free or childless adults are “less” than married people who have children.

I never again want to see their pro-Nuclear Family, pro-Marriage propaganda spewed, where they frequently argue or suggest that marriage (or parenthood) makes (and is necessary to make) people more godly, responsible, mature, and ethical.

(Link): MOTHER OF BABY BURNED TO DEATH IN SATANIC RITUAL ARRESTED AFTER TWO YEARS ON THE RUN

Excerpts:

July 2019
by A. Joyner

The mother of a two-day-old baby that was burned to death as part of a satanic ritual has been apprehended by police after evading capture for two years.

No One Told Me Exactly What to Expect From Menopause. But the Messages I Did Get Were Very Wrong by D. Steink

No One Told Me Exactly What to Expect From Menopause. But the Messages I Did Get Were Very Wrong by D. Steinke

(Link): No One Told Me Exactly What to Expect From Menopause. But the Messages I Did Get Were Very Wrong

Excerpts:

I was 50 when I woke in my dark attic bedroom in Brooklyn, my heart speeding and my body incandescent with heat. I did not feel simply hot, no, I was being smothered by an internal fire that seemed to pool inside my body like lava.

At first I thought it was a heart attack.

After more flashes, over my morning bowl of oatmeal, as I rode the subway under the East River and while I taught, I realized it was not a heart attack. It was a hot flash.

I had entered menopause, that fraught transition in every woman’s life, known in an earlier time as The Dangerous Age.

Earlier life stages, going through puberty and giving birth, had opened up new worlds, the excitement of sexuality and motherhood.

But menopause arrived without absorbing directives. Instead of new obsessions and responsibilities, I felt a nothingness.

It’s a void created in part by our oversexed patriarchal culture, a world that has little respect for older women.

Valued most for our sexuality and role as mothers many women feel, once that phase is over, as I did. Marginalized. The message, never stated directly but manifesting in myriad ways, is an overwhelmingly nihilistic one: your usefulness is over. Please step to the sidelines.

…..I searched for books that might help me understand what was happening to me. I read Suzanne Sommers’ The Sexy Years and Gail Sheedy’s Silent Passages.

Both are fear-based.

Both authors are frantic to keep the veneer of a fertile femininity intact.

Model ‘Murdered Two Young Daughters Because They Got In The Way of Her Lifestyle Offering Sex to Men For Cash’

Model ‘Murdered Two Young Daughters Because They Got In The Way of Her Lifestyle Offering Sex to Men For Cash’

I happen to be a conservative, but I remain frustrated at how other conservatives – not just Christians, but also secular conservatives – keep promoting marriage and the “nuclear family.” These groups think – or some insist – that marriage and parenthood are necessary to make adults into giving, ethical, and responsible people. This is false.

I have many examples on my blog of married people or parents who rob, rape, and murder other people (sometimes their own biological children!). Here is another sad example.

If being married or becoming a parent were necessary to make a person sinless, godly, more loving or responsible, the Bible would surely say so some where – but it does not. The Bible actually says in 1 Cor. 7 it is better to remain single!

(Link): Model ‘Murdered Two Young Daughters Because They Got In The Way of Her Lifestyle Offering Sex to Men For Cash’

Excerpts:

July 2, 2019
By TERRI-ANN WILLIAMS FOR MAILONLINE

A mother ‘murdered her two young daughters within days of each other because they got in the way of her lifestyle’.

Model Louise Porton had been ‘offering sex to men for cash’ and a court heard how her children had become a ‘burden’ and had started to ‘get in the way’ of her lifestyle.

The 23-year-old is accused of killing three-year-old Lexi Draper and 16-month old Scarlett Vaughan, by obstructing their airways.

Mom Accused of Murdering Toddler Son Because He Was Interfering With Extramarital Affair by Harriet Sokmensuer

Mom Accused of Murdering Toddler Son Because He Was Interfering With Extramarital Affair by Harriet Sokmensuer

Are nuclear families and motherhood better for society? Does motherhood make women more godly, loving, and mature, as so many Christians and secular conservative think tanks teach? Why no, no it does not. As this news story clearly illustrates (even more examples of this on my blog (Link): here and (Link): here.

(Link): Mom Accused of Murdering Toddler Son Because He Was Interfering With Extramarital Affair by Harriet Sokmensuer

Excerpt:

June 2019

A New Jersey mother is accused of smothering her toddler son because she saw him as an impediment to the extramarital affair she was having.

On Tuesday, 41-year-old Heather Reynolds appeared before a Camden County judge for a detention hearing. She is charged with murder, endangering the welfare of a child, possession of methamphetamine and hindering apprehension in connection with the May 2018 death of her son, Axel, ABC6, CBS3, NJ.com report.

Text messages recovered from her phone showed Reynolds and a man had been having an affair while her husband was working out of state, Assistant Prosecutor Peter Gallagher alleged in court, NJ.com reports.

Mother Tortured Her Three Kids and Pulled Their Toe Nails Out to Impress Her New Boyfriend

Mother Tortured Her Three Kids and Pulled Their Toe Nails Out to Impress Her New Boyfriend

Some of you conservatives and Christians out there teach that motherhood is a woman’s highest calling. Well, obviously not, since I have bazillions of these types of news stories on my blog of women who sell their daughters to perverts to be raped, or who sell their kids for drugs.

Note that, contrary to conservative think tank and Christian propaganda, that being a mother does not cause a woman to be more responsible or caring – because we see examples like this one below that belie that belief.

(Link): Mother Tortured Her Three Kids and Pulled Their Toe Nails Out to Impress Her New Boyfriend

by Dave Burk, June 2019

A mum has been arrested over claims she tortured and abused her three young children – pulling one of their toenails out – in order to impress her new boyfriend.

Mexican media report that Jennifer Marisol, 26, allegedly carried out the acts on request of her boyfriend as a ‘gesture of love’.

Unmarried and Childless Women Are the Happiest: 2019 Study

Unmarried and Childless Women Are the Happiest, Happiness Expert Claims

(Link): Women are happier without marriage and children, says new study

Behavioural scientist Paul Dolan says it’s time we reevaluated what success really means

(Link): Wondering why unmarried women without children are happiest? Listen to mothers and wives

Child-free women know that expecting something outside of yourself to bring happiness is a sure-fire way to end up disappointed

Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse

Another Christianity Today Magazine Editorial (2019) Expects Single Women To Meet the Needs of Married Women – Christians Never Ask the Reverse

I am a never-married woman who is over the age of 45, and I am childless. I had wanted to be married but never found the right guy, so I remain single.

I was a very devout Christian for many years, until a few years ago.

I did a blog post about (Link): another editorial on Christianity Today’s site, where a married woman with small children wrote a long piece extolling the virtues of single, childless women:
but only in the context of how she found single, childless women useful to her because they could provide her with free babysitting services that she could not obtain from her biological family, who lived 1,000 miles away.

Here again, in April 2019, is another editorial in the same vein: a piece that extols the wonders and virtues of how single, childless women can or should meet the needs of married women, especially married ones who have children and need free babysitting services and emotional support.

Now, if you’re the sort of single, childless woman who sincerely enjoys babysitting married women’s children, that is fine by me. But I am not one of them.

I’m not opposed to single, childless women caring for, or taking an interest in, other people’s children, if they so desire.

I am opposed to this when this is one of the only options presented to Christian women, however.

Baby Died of Malnutrition, Dehydration, and an E. Coli Infection Caused by Being Left In a Maggot-Infested Diaper for Two Weeks

Baby Died of Malnutrition, Dehydration, and an E. Coli Infection Caused by Being Left In a Maggot-Infested Diaper for Two Weeks

(Link): Baby Died of Malnutrition, Dehydration, and an E. Coli Infection Caused by Being Left In a Maggot-Infested Diaper for Two Weeks

Cheyanne Harris, 21, left the courthouse in Iowa, US, crying after harrowing pictures of four-month-old Sterling Koehn were shown to a jury

A young [mom] accused of leaving her baby son to die in a maggot-infested nappy [diaper] sobbed in court yesterday.

Jurors were shown photos of tragic four-month-old Sterling Koehn at his [mom] Cheyanne Harris’ trial.

Mother Sexually Abused Her Own Infant Son While Breastfeeding Him And Video Taping It

Mother Sexually Abused Her Own Infant Son While Breastfeeding Him And Video Taping It

The link to the news story is much farther below.

If I am understanding this article correctly, this woman sexually abused her own infant son as she was breastfeeding him, took video of it, and uploaded the video somewhere.

In the article, she says she made these child sex abuse videos because she has low self esteem because the father of the infant son she was abusing dumped her – he left her.

I grew up hearing from Christians – Christians in churches I went to, in Christian literature, and even now, sometimes I see on Christian magazine sites and blogs, that the nuclear family, marriage, and kids are all-important are the only things that can fix American culture.

Further, a lot of conservative Christians will teach that marriage and parenthood are necessary to make a person a true, full adult. They will teach that anyone who remains single and/or childless has stunted development, is immature, ungodly,  and irresponsible.

‘Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you’

‘Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you’

(Link): ‘Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you‘

Excerpts:

August 2018

Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you — the Friends star and Kylie Minogue shouldn’t have to justify themselves
Friends legend Jennifer Aniston has been met with quizzical responses to her personal decision not to procreate

FOR two decades, Jennifer Aniston has been the subject of frenzied and almost constant speculation about when she would become a mum. Most frustratingly for her, it was always a question of when and not if.

After all, how could a beautiful rich woman with an equally beautiful and rich man(whether it be Brad Pitt, John Mayer or Justin Theroux) possibly not want to have beautiful babies together?

…This week, Jen had enough, letting rip in her most forthright interview ever to InStyle magazine.

I’m in My 40s, Child-Free and Happy. Why Won’t Anyone Believe Me? By Glynnis MacNicol

I’m in My 40s, Child-Free and Happy. Why Won’t Anyone Believe Me? By Glynnis MacNicol

As to this editorial below – I for one never cared much if I had children or not. I just wanted to be married.

So I am more than a little puzzled or annoyed by societal attitudes that assume I am pitiable because I don’t have children, or that I must not know my own preferences or my own mind.

(Link): I’m in My 40s, Child-Free and Happy. Why Won’t Anyone Believe Me?

Excerpts:

Since I turned 40 I’ve encountered disbelief that I could possibly be enjoying my own life. But then there’s the other unexpected gift of this age: just how little concern I have for others’ opinions.

By Glynnis MacNicol
July 5, 2018

A few months before my 42nd birthday, I was out to dinner with friends and found myself seated next to a well-known older male writer.

I happened to be in the final stages of finishing a proposal for a memoir about being a single woman over 40 without children, and was inwardly marveling at the timing of our encounter. I was a fan of his. Perhaps he might offer some wisdom? Words of encouragement?

As drinks were delivered I sketched the outline of the story: No one had prepared me for how exhilarating life could be on my own. I was traveling all the time, doing what I wanted, when I wanted, released from the fear of the clock that had dogged me through my 30s.

Conversely, no one had warned me of the ways in which it would actually be difficult; my mother had been very ill, for instance, and part of the book was about caring for her.

No sooner had I finished than the famous writer placed his glass firmly on the white tablecloth, leaned back and declared: “Glynnis MacNicol, you have a terrible life!”

….I again faced a dilemma I’d been struggling with since turning 40: how to counter other people’s disbelief that I, single and child-free, could possibly be enjoying my own life.

The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’

The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’

As of 2018, the snotty entitlement and insensitivity of some mothers – and Christian men who support them – continues.

I’ve been blogging about this topic for a few years now on this blog. It makes me sad to see this still going on.

DefendTheSheep (person on Twitter) tweeted out a link to this reasonable essay imploring Christians to be more sensitive towards those who find the Mother’s Day holiday painful. Link to that:

(Link): Don’t Ask Moms To Stand in Church This Sunday

My problem is not with the essay itself.

As a matter of fact, I encourage you to click the link above to visit the page and read it.

My problem was with some of the hideous comments various people left below the page.

Some of the comments were just incredibly insensitive or very mistaken about why some people find Mother’s Day – especially when it’s celebrated during church services – to be hurtful or stressful.

Christians often like to teach that parenthood and marriage are necessary to make people more giving and loving and compassionate, but that is not so. The married parents leaving comments under blog posts such as the one I am discussing here are very selfish and entitled – being parents has done nothing to make them more loving, caring, or empathetic.

New Study Suggests Women With Children Age 11 Years Faster Than Their Child-Free Peers

New Study Suggests Women With Children Age 11 Years Faster Than Their Child-Free Peers

(Link):  New Study Suggests Women With Children Age 11 Years Faster Than Their Child-Free Peers

If going through the pain of labor isn’t enough, a new study published in the journal Human Reproduction seems to suggest that women who give birth age faster than their child-free peers, at least on a cellular level.

Apparently, having a child racks up the equivalent of an additional 11 years on this one measure of biological aging and scientists are not so sure why this is.

Christian Couple Kept Their 13 Children ‘Starving’ and Shackled in Chains Inside House of Horror, Police Say

Christian Couple Kept Their 13 Children ‘Starving’ and Shackled in Chains Inside House of Horror, Police Say

You can see once more how The Nuclear Family, Parenthood, and Marriage does not save society or make things safer for children.

I’m conservative, but a lot of other conservatives (both Christian and secular) will try to argue that society has fallen apart because of feminism or due to liberals and they further suggest that society  would not be such a cess pool only if every one would marry by the age of 25 and have ten kids apiece and become a Christian.

This couple being married, having kids, and reading the Bible, being into traditional gender roles and being Christian did not make them better people, nor did it make our culture a better place.

I’m sure there are probably some atheist parents out there who treat their kids better than this Christian couple treated their kids.

I fail to see how liberalism or secular feminism is to blame for this Christian couple shackling their kids to beds for years and refusing to feed them.

(Link):  Christian Couple Kept Their 13 Children ‘Starving’ and Shackled in Chains Inside House of Horror, Police Say

Jan 16, 2018

The home of a California couple known in their community as a good Christian family was revealed to be a house of horror Sunday morning when local police rescued their 13 children, some of whom were found “shackled to their beds with chains and padlocks in dark and foul-smelling surroundings.”

Woman Gives Birth To A Giant Tumor On The Toilet After Her ‘Baby’ Turns Out To Be Cancer

Woman Gives Birth To A Giant Tumor On The Toilet After Her ‘Baby’ Turns Out To Be Cancer

Do not read this while eating. You will barf.

Another reason to feel good about being celibate and childless. No chance of this happening.

(Link): Woman Gives Birth To A Giant Tumor On The Toilet After Her ‘Baby’ Turns Out To Be Cancer

Lauren Knowles was diagnosed with a molar pregnancy, after a scan showed a mass in her womb

A MUM-of-two was forced to give birth to a huge tumour on the toilet after her “baby” was diagnosed as cancer.

Lauren Knowles was over the moon when her pregnancy test read positive.

But when the then 27-year-old noticed heavy spotting at seven-and-a-half weeks, doctors sent her for a scan.

The Dangerous Risks of Putting Motherhood on a Pedestal by C. Millard

The Dangerous Risks of Putting Motherhood on a Pedestal by C. Millard

The Dangerous Risks of Putting Motherhood on a Pedestal by C. Millard

Excerpts:

…Note the double-edged sword of motherhood here. Attracting the praise of being a “good mother” was always accompanied by the threat that you might fall from the perch at any moment and cause devastating harm to your child.

Hence the amplification of mechanisms of control, censure, and punishment that go hand in hand with the valorization and surveillance of parenting. Deep within the medical and psychological frameworks promoting motherhood in this period, there lurks male anxiety over female power and influence.

Study: Motherhood Is Rotten for Women’s Self-Esteem by E. Strauss

Study: Motherhood Is Rotten for Women’s Self-Esteem by E. Strauss

(Link):  Having kids lowers women’s self-esteem for at least three years (on Twitter)

Excerpts:

…Led by researchers at the University of Tilburg, psychologists analyzed survey data collected from more than 84,000 Norwegian women between 1999 and 2008.

…The researchers found a consistent pattern: Women experienced declines in self-esteem during their pregnancies, and then increases in the six months afterwards. But then their self-esteem declined once again, and continued falling. By three years into their child’s life, it was still lower than their original “baseline.”

…After birth the picture gets more complex, and another clue might lie in the study’s other major finding. At the same key intervals, researchers also asked women to evaluate their relationships.

They found that women’s estimation of their romantic partners remained fairly steady during pregnancy, but fell dramatically right after the baby was born. The same effect was also noticeable, to a lesser extent, after subsequent children were born.

(Link): Motherhood Is Rotten for Women’s Self-Esteem by E. Strauss

Excerpts:

A recent example of this comes from Norway, where researchers conducted a study for which they tracked nearly 85,000 women from pregnancy through the first three years of their children’s lives and asked them questions about how having children affected their self-esteem. The findings are dispiriting, if unsurprising.

The team, led by psychologist Manon A. Van Scheppingen, had participants fill out questionnaires rating their self-esteem and relationship satisfaction throughout this time period.

Pastor Actually Questions, in the Year 2017, If It’s Acceptable for Mothers to Work Outside of the Home.

Pastor Actually Questions, in the Year 2017, If It’s Acceptable for Mothers to Work Outside of the Home.

I cannot believe we are in the year 2017, and Christians are still asking about this sort of thing and pontificating about it. To even ask and muse about this in 2017 is just sexist.

In regards to this story linked to below, Dee of Wartburg Watch asked on Twitter, something along the lines of, how much money does preacher Todd Wagner earn so that his wife (assuming he has a wife and kids) is able to stay at home all day to watch their kids?

How many of the women in Wagner’s church congregation (who may even be mothers themselves) have jobs outside the home, part of whose job income are paid to him in tithes, so that he can afford to have his wife stay at home and be a stay at home mother?

(Link): Does the Bible Say It’s OK for Moms to Work?

Excerpts:

July 28, 2017

by Sheryl Lynn

The pastor of a multi-site church in Texas [Watermark Community Church] recently responded to a question on whether the Bible says it’s OK for moms to work.

While it’s not forbidden, Todd Wagner questioned the motive behind a mother choosing to work over being at home with her children.

// end excerpt

“While it’s not forbidden.” – Yes, you can end it right there. Anything beyond this is Wagner’s opinion.