Women Bored By Monogamy Says Study by W. Martin
(Link): The Bored Sex
Women, more than men, tend to feel stultified by long-term exclusivity—despite having been taught that they were designed for it.
…Marta Meana of the University of Nevada at Las Vegas spelled it out simply in an interview with me at the annual Society for Sex Therapy and Research conference in 2017. “Long-term relationships are tough on desire, and particularly on female desire,” she said.
I was startled by her assertion, which contradicted just about everything I’d internalized over the years about who and how women are sexually.
Somehow I, along with nearly everyone else I knew, was stuck on the idea that women are in it for the cuddles as much as the orgasms, and—besides—actually require emotional connection and familiarity to thrive sexually, whereas men chafe against the strictures of monogamy.
But Meana discovered that “institutionalization of the relationship, over familiarity, and desexualization of roles” in a long-term heterosexual partnership mess with female passion especially—a conclusion that’s consistent with other recent studies.
Continue reading “Women Bored By Monogamy Says Study by W. Martin”
Introducing LoveSync, A Device For Telling Your Partner You Want Sex Without Speaking To Them – Perfect Solution for Doormat Complementarian Wives!
Complementarians falsely believe that women do not want, desire, or enjoy sex – they assume that only men want sex (see Doug Wilson, Mark Driscoll and others).
Further, many complementarians (see John Piper as one example) believe it is wrong for women to be direct when communicating, because a woman being blunt with a man may hurt that man’s male ego.
(Complementarians brainwash Christian women into thinking that being Codependent is “Godly.”)
So, what is a randy, passive, doormat complementarian wife to do if she’s in the mood? I guess she can try this product:
(Link): Introducing LoveSync, A Device For Telling Your Partner You Want Sex Without Speaking To Them
By Madison Malone Kircher
Are you in a relationship where you have sex with another person? Great.
That’s nice for you, if you’re into having sex with other people. Are you a little fuzzy on how to ask said other person if they’d like to have sex with you? Here’s a refresher.
You ask them.
You use words — spoken, typed, sky-written — and ask your partner if they are feeling likewise horny. If they consent … then you have sex.
Continue reading “Introducing LoveSync, A Device For Telling Your Partner You Want Sex Without Speaking To Them – Perfect Solution for Doormat Complementarian Wives!”
Dear Advice Lady: My Boyfriend is a Fattie and I Feel Like His Mom
About the letter below that some woman in a troubled relationship wrote to an advice columnist:
I just love how so many men fool themselves into thinking that women don’t care about what men look like – because we do.
This is ten times more true in Christian culture, especially within churches and denominations that teach that sexist, idiotic “complementarianism” drivel, where the pastors will browbeat the women to stay thin and pretty because supposedly all men are visually “wired by God”
(note: no, they’re not; men are socially conditioned by culture, including Playboy magazine, on what to find attractive in women),
so Christians guilt and pressure Christian women into starving themselves and being obsessed with their looks.
Continue reading “Dear Advice Lady: My Boyfriend is a Fattie and I Feel Like His Mom”
Ex-Evangelicals Admit Their Religion Killed Their Love Lives: I’m ‘Literally Thinking About Hell’ During Sex
(Link): Ex-Evangelicals Admit Their Religion Killed Their Love Lives: I’m ‘Literally Thinking About Hell’ During Sex – Raw Story Site
(Link): ANONYMOUS EX-CHRISTIANS OPEN UP ABOUT THEIR DAMAGED SEX LIVES
Excerpts from Raw Story site:
In a confessional piece on The Feed, ex-evangelicals lamented the oppressive influence their faith had on their sex lives and personal relationships with their partners, saying they were haunted by feelings of guilt and shame.
As pointed out by Hemant Mehta at the Friendly Atheist, former fundamentalist Christian Ruby Bisson (Claire) who writes about Christianity at The Gravity of Guilt, has been compiling stories told her by her readers who detailed not only how their deeply-held religious beliefs crippled their sex lives, but the lingering effects after they lost their religion.
According to one anonymous woman, “I can’t orgasm because I can’t relax. I’m literally thinking about hell. It’s been three years since I left Christianity but I can’t shake the thought that a guy who isn’t a Christian just wants me for my bod and I project that insecurity onto him. This is ultimately what ended my only two relationships.”
She then admitted how she tried to make it work.
“I made him pretend he was religious and didn’t want to have sex,” she explained. “I had to convince him it was a good idea. I made him pray at the end of the bed. Through that role play I was able to be the other person and that power allowed me not to freak out.”
Another former Christain said that she spiraled into a world of pornography at the age of 12, that left her secretly living in “shame and self-hatred.”
Continue reading “Ex-Evangelicals Admit Their Religion Killed Their Love Lives: I’m ‘Literally Thinking About Hell’ During Sex”
My Husband Caught Me Masturbating, and It Led to Our Divorce by Jane Doe
And some Christians, especially in their dating or martial advice books, would have you believe that if you just wait until marriage to have sex, that you’ll always have great, regular sex. Not so…
(Link): My Husband Caught Me Masturbating, and It Led to Our Divorce by Jane Doe
as told to CAYLIN HARRIS
Sure, it’s awkward being walked in on. But how my husband responded was what shocked me the most.
… Over time, though, our sex life changed. And by that I mean it became nonexistent. What once was us having sex at least a few times a week turned into one or two times a month, if I was lucky.
He grew more emotionally distant and had trouble getting aroused, and while I knew he was dealing with a lot of financial stress at work (and I was bringing in less money due to my job switch), he never wanted to have a conversation with me, or even see a doctor.
Continue reading “My Husband Caught Me Masturbating, and It Led to Our Divorce by Jane Doe”
A Happy Marriage Can Now Include Cheating According to Cheaters
(Link): A Happy Marriage Can Now Include Cheating According to Cheaters
by Hannah Sparks
Human sexuality is an ever-unfolding mystery, but two new books aim to shed some light on it. Here, psychiatrist Kenneth Rosenberg, author of “Infidelity: Why Men and Women Cheat” (Da Capo Press), and physician Erika Schwartz, author of “The Intimacy Solution” (Post Hill Press), share some surprising facts and figures about sex, love and divorce.
If your partner cheats, you’ll probably never know
“Ninety percent of people who cheat — their spouses never find out about it,” says Rosenberg. He also notes a reason why infidelity can be hard to detect: 50 percent of those who cheat say they’re happy in their marriage.
Continue reading “A Happy Marriage Can Now Include Cheating According to Cheaters”
Why Doesn’t Your Husband Want to Have Sex? by E. Bernstein
(Link): Why Doesn’t Your Husband Want to Have Sex?
May 12, 2018
Despite the conventional wisdom, sometimes it’s the man who loses sexual desire
Contrary to conventional wisdom, sometimes it’s men who first lose sexual desire in a long-term relationship, a new study finds.
Men’s desire for sex can be as tricky as women’s, according to researchers at the University of Kentucky.
Men often lose interest when they feel insecure, when they worry they are losing autonomy in a relationship, or when physical changes cause embarrassment. Pressure to be the initiator compounds the stress.
Continue reading “Why Doesn’t Your Husband Want to Have Sex? by E. Bernstein”
Grieving for My Sex Life After My Husband Died by A. Radosh
One minor theme I sometimes bring up on this blog is that getting married is not a recipe for ever-lasting happiness: your spouse, should you marry, can develop early on-set dementia, or die from cancer, a car accident, etc. Or, maybe your spouse turns out to be abusive or so self-centered that he doesn’t care to meet your emotional needs.
So, here we have an article by a lady whose husband died, so she’s not having sex.
I’ve mentioned before in a few other posts on this blog that married people should not think they’re off the hook just because they have a spouse and a spouse is providing companionship – because if your spouse dies before you, you will be single again and find yourself lonely.
In this case, if you know and believe sex outside of marriage is morally wrong you’re not going to start having sex with other people after your spouse dies. This should be another reason why Christians teach that sexual purity, chastity, and celibacy are for all people, not just teens or single adults.
(Link): Grieving for My Sex Life After My Husband Died by A. Radosh
…Bart and I never bought into that stereotype. We were septuagenarians now, and the sex was still fun. It bound us together.
When Bart was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in his mid-70s, we were both stunned. He had always been strong, athletic, energetic, and healthy; but now the cells in the marrow of his bones were being destroyed by cancer. Within a few months, our hikes up the Catskill high peaks were replaced with quiet walks along the stream near our house.
Continue reading “Grieving for My Sex Life After My Husband Died by A. Radosh”
Male Sex Robots With Unstoppable Bionic Penises Are Coming This Year by R. Waugh
(Link): Male Sex Robots With Unstoppable Bionic Penises Are Coming This Year
January 8, 2018
…But don’t despair, ladies – RealDoll (maker of those alarming plastic sexbots for men) is making one for women too.
….Matt McMullen of RealDoll said that the company’s currently tweaking the sexbot’s voice and personality – and says that users will be able to choose any penis size that suits them.
‘We’re working on a male version of the robot AI,’ McMullen told the Daily Star. ‘We’ll eventually have a male and a female platform available.’
David Levy, author of Love and Sex With Robots, says, ‘I’m sure women will find robots equally appealing as men.
TV Host Slut-Shames Woman Who Says She Had Sex With 20 Ghosts
This would be their choice of headline, not mine. Out of everything I’ve blogged about here in the past 6 or 7 years, this is probably one of the dumbest and weirdest stories I’ve blogged about yet
(Link): TV Host Slut-Shames Woman Who Says She Had Sex With 20 Ghosts
by Christian Gollayan
Amethyst Realm, a 27-year-old Brit, is getting slut-shamed for claiming to have had sex with at least 20 ghosts — whom she purportedly prefers to living men.
Realm, from Bristol, England, went on the British TV show “ITV This Morning” on Thursday to discuss her out-of-body-on-body experiences. She says it all began in 2005, when she moved into a haunted home with her then-fiancé.
Continue reading “TV Host Slut-Shames Woman Who Says She Had Sex With 20 Ghosts”
New Research Is Taking Women’s Sexual Pleasure Seriously by L. Cowart
And most conservative Christians, gender complementarians in particular, will continue to ignore information such as this, because they basically feel that women don’t like sex, don’t want sex, and only a man’s sexual needs or preferences are important.
(Link): New Research Is Taking Women’s Sexual Pleasure Seriously
….In a study published this summer in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapytitled “Women’s Sexual Experience With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94,” researchers from Indiana University asked that age-old but oft-neglected question: What feels good to you?
Continue reading “New Research Is Taking Women’s Sexual Pleasure Seriously by L. Cowart”
Women Have A Higher Sex Drive Than Men, According to New (2017) Study
From the UK:
(Link): Almost 60% of women want more sex than their partner does
If you believe what you see in American films, all men are desperate for sex, and most women don’t want to give it to them.
This is, of course, complete bollocks. As we know, women have sexual identities, desires and fantasies of their own, just like men do. In fact, as new research from Voucher Codes Pro demonstrates, many women actually have even more of a sex drive than men.
Continue reading “Women Have A Higher Sex Drive Than Men, According to New (2017) Study”
Ask Amy: Wife Says She Is Turned Off By Husband’s Fat Body and Muffin Top
I am publishing this to disprove one or two common stereotypes among conservative Christians: that women are not interested in sex, and women are not “visually oriented.”
Here we have an example of a woman who is sexually turned off by the sight of her husband’s obese body and muffin top. Women do in fact pay attention to what men look like and DO CARE about what men look like, though I’d have to say women are a lot less strict and picky about the looks.
Women might be willing to date a “so-so” looking man, so long as he compensates in other areas, like, he treats her really well, or he has a great sense of humor.
But women do notice and care about what men look like, and women can and do get turned off by flabby male bodies, receding hairlines, and so on.
Letter to Ask Amy advice columnist (Sept 2016):
How do I tell the man in my life that his huge muffin top is a turn off for me? He is more than plump, Amy, he is obese.
He blames his diabetes on the fact that he cannot satisfy me sexually, but I maintain that it is his obesity that is the reason he has diabetes.
I do not want to insult him or cause him any embarrassment, but I need to get across to him that he has to lose at least 30 to 40 pounds. Even his daughter gives him grief about his weight.
Please tell me how to talk to him without hurting his feelings.
(Link): Dear Advice Lady: My Boyfriend is a Fattie and I Feel Like His Mom
Benevolent Sexism in the Christian Bedroom (Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality) by J. Kamps
Some parts of these posts tackle subjects I’ve mentioned before on my blog in the past.
(Link): It’s my orgasm, not his [part 1] by J. Kamps
(Link): It’s my orgasm, not his [part 2] by J. Kamps
Excerpts from (Link): It’s my orgasm, not his [part 1] by J. Kamps
Jasmine’s story is an example of Benevolent Sexism. Hostile Sexism is fairly easy to recognise. Benevolent Sexism is sneaky and far more socially pervasive. It parades around wearing a facade of chivalry, making out women to be weaker, lesser, diminished, objectified, by using what are perceived as good manners, male consideration, and role definition.
Benevolent Sexism operates on the fundamental belief that, whether observed in practice or not, there IS a gender hierarchy.
….Benevolent Sexism even uses compliments and praise to disarm and disempower women. “Women are kinder, gentler, naturally more loving. Women are not as strong as men, so they require protection. Women are not as naturally competitive.”
Continue reading “Benevolent Sexism in the Christian Bedroom (Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality) by J. Kamps”
Prudie Counsels a Woman Whose Husband Stopped Initiating Sex. – But Most Christians Teach that Marriage Means Great and Regular Sex.
A lot of Christian teaching I heard while growing up – and even as an adult – suggested if you wait until marriage to have sex that the sex would be so worth it, because it would be FREQUENT and GREAT QUALITY.
Lo and behold if that is not the case. Here is the one billionth example on my blog.
Oh, let this go to show that women are interested in sex too, not just men – Christians often falsely teach that only men want and enjoy sex, while they also teach that women only want cuddles and to sip tea.
(Link): Prudie counsels a woman whose husband stopped initiating sex
Q. Husband doesn’t initiate sex anymore:
I’m a 39-year-old woman, and my husband is 43. Our sex life has always been very good, and we each have done our own fair share of initiating.
However, in the past few years, the frequency of sex has really dwindled. Currently, as long as I do all of the initiating, our sex life remains great. If I don’t, no sex for months.
I’ve found myself becoming somewhat resentful, as it makes me feel like he no longer desires me or cares to make an effort. I’ve talked with him a number of times about this, and I only get the same responses over and over.
Continue reading “Prudie Counsels a Woman Whose Husband Stopped Initiating Sex. – But Most Christians Teach that Marriage Means Great and Regular Sex.”
Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband
A couple of days ago, I saw this episode of The 700 Club.
A celibate Christian woman wrote Pat Robertson this question –
And her question is one all Christians avoid: they just scream at a 20 year old today to MARRY NOW NOW NOW!
They have no advice and no encouragement to give any adult over 35 who wants to be married but still finds him or herself single.
The usual Christian response is just to shame this lady for supposedly not having done enough to marry when younger, in spite of not knowing her background, or what she did to try to marry – Christians just arrogantly ASSUME if you are not married past a certain age, it is all your fault, and there were no mitigating circumstances.
So here’s her question to Pat, host of The 700 Club:
- Dear Pat,
- The Bible says that it’s better to marry than to burn with lust, but what about someone like me who can’t find someone to marry?
Continue reading “Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband”
I Waited to Have Sex Until I Was 26, And Now I Can’t Have an Orgasm (by a Woman Raised in Christian Purity Culture) – Provides Yet Another Reason to Ditch the Equally Yoked Teaching
- I would not be surprised if (Link): my Blog Stalker, John Morgan, still visits my blog (and sometimes my Twitter account) and steals links and story ideas to blog on at his blog. He’ll probably swipe the following story I found and feature it on his own blog.
I did not see an author’s name on this. It just says “Anonymous”
I have a few comments below this long excerpt:
(Link): I Waited to Have Sex Until I Was 26, And Now I Can’t Have an Orgasm (by a Woman Raised in Christian Purity Culture)
- by Anonymous
- May 27, 2016
I can’t even talk to my sister or some of my closest friends about it because they all still think I’m a virgin, living my life of purity for the Lord.
I was raised in an almost cult-like Southern Reformed Baptist church. I was told that sex was wrong, lustful thinking was wrong, and basically anything that involved sex before marriage would send me straight to hell. It wasn’t until last year that I had the first physical step of courage to go against my upbringing and risk losing everyone around me to do what I thought was right and okay as a woman — not what I was told by evangelical men.
- ….The church taught us that sex was one of the cardinal sins. Once defiled, always defiled. Women could not make decisions without a father or husband to do it for them, and how would we earn a husband if we were not pure?
They trained the young girls in our church, myself included, that we should live and die to find a husband. Education was fine, as long as it contributed to getting a husband. “Be fruitful and multiply” was the mantra.
I went along with this. It was all I knew, and I had no mother figure to tell me otherwise. As I grew older, though, I grew indignant of my small amount of options.
They told us to find a husband within the church, one who was “equally yolked,” but no man in the church chose from the church. They left the church to find wives and left a congregation of deserted and bewildered home-schooled hearts. Yet they were applauded for their fine, godly choices in women. Meanwhile, the women of the church were left to rot.
Continue reading “I Waited to Have Sex Until I Was 26, And Now I Can’t Have an Orgasm (by a Woman Raised in Christian Purity Culture) – Provides Yet Another Reason to Ditch the Equally Yoked Teaching”
Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show – Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals
The majority of Christians will disregard this study, because it does not fit their culturally- based gender stereotypes that men are sexual animals and visually oriented while all women are supposedly, basically uninterested in sex and only interested in emotional closeness, weeping at beautiful poetry, and knitting scarves.
It is true: for all their bloviating on how they adhere to “sola scriptura,” many Christians take their secular-cultural based assumptions about women and read them back into the Bible. The Bible no where teaches that “God designed men to be visual” or that “men are more interested in sex than women are.” Christians get those assumptions from their culture or perceived personal experiences – not from the Bible.
(Link): Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show
- by E. Bernstein
- Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals
- Rarely are researchers’ findings so satisfying. Women may want more sex than their husbands or partners think.
- New research by psychologists at the University of Toronto and the University of Western Ontario, (Link): published earlier this month in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that men in long-term relationships often underestimate how often their wives or girlfriends want to be intimate.
- The research consists of three studies, following a total of 229 long-term couples, most of whom are heterosexual. (The sample of homosexual couples was too small to be statistically significant, the researchers say.) Participants ranged in age from 18 to 68 years old; the couples had been together six years on average, and they reported they had sex an average of one to two times a week.
- ….All three studies showed the same thing: Men consistently underestimated their female partner’s desire, while the women had an accurate read on whether or not their partner was interested in sex. And on the days when the men thought their partner was less sexually interested than she actually was, the women reported being more satisfied in and committed to the relationship.
Continue reading “Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show – Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals”
Abstinence Groups: New Sex-Ed Study Misses Point of Urging Teens to Wait
(Link): Abstinence Groups: New Sex-Ed Study Misses Point of Urging Teens to Wait
- By KILEY CROSSLAND
- Posted May 11, 2016, 03:30 p.m.
Abstinence advocacy groups say a new (Link): study criticizing virginity pledges misses the point of abstinence education.
The study, “Broken Promises: Abstinence Pledging and Sexual and Reproductive Health,” published on the website of the Journal for Marriage and Family, reports that the vast majority of virginity pledgers break their promise to save sex for marriage.
Continue reading “Abstinence Groups: New Sex-Ed Study Misses Point of Urging Teens to Wait”
We’re All Visual – Responding to Common Christian Claim that Only Men Are Visual – via God Loves Women blog
Someone on my Twitter re-Tweeted a link to the link below.
The e-mail from Gross (that is mentioned at the other blog) also shames and blames women whose husbands are using porn; he actually tells them that their husbands are still owed sex, they should not “put walls up” with their spouse and treat their husbands with suspicion in all areas of their lives, and so on.
Gross’ comments were inappropriate and insensitive to women who find out their husbands are cheating on them by viewing pornography. You can visit this blog below to see those additional comments.
I’d like to add that this also goes to show the the Christian trope that Christian married sex will be hot, steamy, and satisfying is false. Obviously, some Christian men (and married Christian women) are using porn, so they are not being fully sexually satisfied in the sack by their Christian spouse.
Also note that this disproves the Christian myth that married persons are immune from sexual sin. They are not. Married people are not more sexually pure than adult singles.
(Link): We’re All Visual
- I received an email from Craig Gross at XXX Church the other day. I had not signed up for emails from them. This is because XXX Church and Craig Gross purchase email address lists to be able to market to the people on them. Find out more about that (Link): HERE.
- This uninvited email was telling women how to deal with their husbands’ viewing pornography. I was horrified and angered by the content that was in the email and took to Twitter to communicate that to Craig Gross. I shall be spending this blog articulating WHY his email was so dangerous and will by referring t the email, the blog that the email is an excerpt from and my Twitter interaction with him.
- …Right, let’s get this VISUAL NATURE nonsense.
- Cordelia Fine’s book “Delusions of Gender” is a must read for anyone who wants to understand the basics of neurobiology. NOTHING IS HARDWIRED IN THE BRAIN. The last ten years has seen neuroscience reject the idea of hardwiring in the brain. The most recent science states that NEUROPLASTICITY (http://www.whatisneuroplasticity.com) is how the brain works.
- The frontal cortex of the brain (the bit which deals with cognition) only really begins to develop after birth. This means that almost everything brain based is malleable according to context and socialisation.
- It is not in men’s “nature” to be visual, it is in their socialisation.
Continue reading “We’re All Visual – Responding to Common Christian Claim that Only Men Are Visual – via God Loves Women blog”