One Stop Threads / Subject Indexes
There are several posts on different topics where I am collecting links. Some of these are Topics Indexes. Here are a few (these can also be accessed via the drop down “category” menu on the right side of the blog):
✱ (Index Category): Christian False Teaching: You Must Obtain Perfection or Sinlessness Before you Can Merit A Spouse
(Examples of married couples who showed immaturity, who were arrested for crimes, etc., with links to news stories)
✱ (Index Category): Sexual Sins by Married Couples (especially Christian Couples)
(demolishing the Christian stereotype that unmarried people are immature, sexual sinner while married Christians are saintly)
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Related material on this blog:
Christian Pundit 
I wanted to comment on “Part 2: The Parable of the Neglected Unmarried – Single – Christian” but I can’t. I allow non-spam comments on all my articles, even ones I disagree with.
This article is prescient. For months now, I’ve been praying for a Good Samaritan to bind my wounds, since I resemble the woman you describe. I’m 36 and single, but I’ve wanted to marry for eleven years. [I’m a virgin who’s never dated. No one’s ever asked.] I’ve also been grieving the death of my absent father. My parents divorced when I was two. I was reared in Trinitarian Pentecostal churches but attended an SBC church from 2011 until this past April. My widowed mother and I were not treated well. We despise the church leaders. God has special judgment for those who mistreat/abuse/ignore widows and orphans. I pray that this church is destroyed. I want the 7-year-old building torn down and the staff made jobless and homeless.
Compared to the business world, the SBC is in a time warp. It’s hard to find a church that helps career people, single or not. Still, VBS isn’t a huge deal in Pentecostal churches. It is NOT the biggest event on their calendar. The SBC church that I left is different. VBS is the MAIN event in the summer, one of two events the building is even used on weekdays. Why? The SBC thinks that having babies is one way to grow a church. [As you’ve said elsewhere on this blog, the church is also frantic about the high Muslim growth rate.] Wrong! A spiritual entity grows only by spiritual means, not natural ones. Maybe the SBC mistreats single adults because they aren’t helping the church “grow” naturally. So why not help these people find mates? Maybe the SBC also believes, like Roman Catholics, that if they get them when they’re young, they’ll stay. “Train up a child,” etc. Ironically, this strategy isn’t good business sense. Most tithers are age 25+. Why alienate these people? Another irony is that tithing applies only to ancient Israel. For the church, it’s unbiblical = greed. From a business standpoint, I’m shocked that people keep supporting a flawed system in which staff members draw huge salaries while the 100+ people who keep the church running daily are volunteers! I’m also sick of male chauvinism re: the pulpit and teaching men in Bible classes.
The missing big picture is that the SBC is being destroyed from within – Freemasonry, the UN, the Illuminati, etc. Russell Moore, Al Mohler, and other leaders are ravening wolves. Read my blog article to learn about the coming implosion. FYI: Billy Graham is a 33rd degree Freemason and a possible member of the Jesuit Knights of Malta (the Pope’s army). 220lily[.]wordpress[.]com/2016/04/21/god-and-country-implosion/
You say you don’t want to be a servant. I do b/c Jesus was, and he’s our example. Matthew 11:28-30 is a beautiful portrait of us yoking ourselves with Jesus in the spiritual life.
@ 220lily
Thank you for your comments. I am sorry that you and your mother were mistreated by the church you attended.
If you had issues posting to this blog, it’s probably one of two situations:
1. all first time posters are on moderated status until two of their posts are approved by me to appear. After you get two posts approved, any subsequent posts appear automatically, as soon as you make them. I put this system in place to cut down on spamming and trolls.
2. About a year ago, I set up the option on my blog to close comment sections of posts older than X number of years (I think 3 years?), so that the comments sections on older posts are closed. I may or may not change those settings in the future.
Anyway, I am sorry to hear you have been excluded and ignored in the churches you’ve been too.
I’m not too much into conspiracy theory stuff myself.
You said, “You say you don’t want to be a servant.”
I’m not quite sure what you meant by that. If you’re referring to being a Christian, I’m not sure what I believe, entirely.
I believe in the very basics of the faith – that Christ was crucified for my sins and raised from the dead after three days, but beyond the most basic points of Christianity, I don’t know what to think.
If you mean serving in another sense – I’m not opposed to helping people, but it has to be on my own terms and in my own timing.
I was raised by a Christian mother who was very codependent. She raised me to be codependent. That encompassed things such as, I was raised to always put myself last, and that it was selfish for me to get my needs met. I was encouraged to only meet the needs of other people, never my own.
I find there is a huge problem among most Christians to assume that being a doormat who allows herself to be exploited and used by other people is biblical. I no longer share that view. I realize now it’s okay for me to have needs and to get them met, that doing so doesn’t make me selfish.
I do thank you for leaving comments. I’m sorry some churches have been such a let down to you.
If you make another comment, it might sit in moderated status again until I approve it, but after that, any other comments you make should go right through instantly.
Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I don’t know where I am on doormat status, other than that Jesus was a doormat for unbelievers (Jewish and Roman) on the cross. I don’t believe in co-dependency though.
@220Lily.
By allowing himself to be beaten and die on the cross, Jesus was fulfilling prophecy. The rest of us are not called to die for the sins of humanity.
Prior to that, Jesus was not a doormat. He practiced excellent boundaries and was assertive when the occasion called for it.
When the temple guard struck him on his face, he challenged the guard – he did not “turn his cheek” and allow the guy to strike him again, nor did he accept being mistreated passively.
There’s a lesson in there for Christians, who assume they are called to be passive, non-retaliatory doormats in each and every situation in life.
There are times to be forgiving and turn the other cheek, and there are times to stand up for one’s self. You have to know when to do which. Christians are not taught this skill, however.
Follow up, March 2018:
220Lily said:
Actually, no, Jesus was not a doormat, not even for unbelievers, Jewish and Roman.
Jesus frequently asserted himself, even when he was being abused or treated rudely by them, or by anyone.
You say you don’t support codependency in your remarks to me, but that is what you are in fact doing.
You are defining doormat behaviors (codependency) as being laudable, godly, biblical, and desirable.
The Bible does not promote indiscriminate, across- the- board, doormat behavior in every and any situation one finds one’s self in.
There are actually examples in the Bible where God encourages a scared and reluctant person to stand up for him or herself, and/or to stand up for God and/or for the nation Israel, rather than just slink down in defeat, accept mistreatment at the hand of a tyrant, etc.
God does not, and Jesus did not live out, codependency or endorse codependency.
You do not understand what codependency is.
The Bible asks all adults to think about when, where, and if they will choose not to return violence for violence, and when and how and if they will help another person (God loves a cheerful giver, not one who acts out of compulsion or obligation) and so on, but you’re the type of person who thinks the Bible (or God) forbids a person (especially a Christian) from ever saying No to another person for any reason.
God does not demand or expect people to always acquiesce to instances of violence, insult, rude or abusive treatment.
God wants Christians to use their brains and THINK before they act or speak (which means, if someone asks you a favor and you don’t want to do it, it’s okay to say “no” to that request and so on), but codependents are conditioned to always and automatically turn the cheek, say Yes (when they really want to say No), to lack boundaries, etc.
I’ve read 20+ articles on your blog now, and I feel like you’re sending mixed messages. I don’t know what you want from God and the church.
Service: I don’t think you understand the basic truth that the Christian life is a two-way street: give and receive, love and be loved, serve and be served, etc. Yes, we have needs, so we must be served. We’re created to need (I wrote a blog post on this concept), and we honor God when we ask him to meet our needs. But God helps us so that we can serve other people and bring him glory, not just so we can have our needs met. In other words, we should be spiritual tubes, not tubs. Jesus didn’t come to be served but to serve. He’s called “servant” in the Old Testament. God’s prophets and priests are also called servants, which is a title of honor. [“Helpmeet” in Genesis 2 is ezer (Hebrew), which God often uses to refer to himself.]
Widows and orphans: both the Old and New Testaments command us to help widows and orphans. God judges those who don’t. I’m a half orphan; my mother is a divorced widow. We haven’t always been treated kindly. Widows and widowers, especially those 65+, are neglected in many churches. They’re passed over for leadership roles, shuttered to a side room for worship, and ignored re: “old people’s music” on Sundays.
Marriage: The church’s purpose is not to marry its members but to disciple them in worship, service, and evangelism. Most churches fall short. The few churches I’ve spent time at have singles groups, but I avoid them because I don’t want to feel like meat. I prefer co-ed, all-ages Bible studies – which I think is the biblical norm. I also want to marry on my terms. The church is still a spiritual entity, a family based on faith instead of blood. It shouldn’t be involved in the earthly process of “marrying and giving in marriage.” Instead, we should relate to one another like brothers and sisters, as a witness to unbelievers and a foretaste of the New Jerusalem. I find this truth, revealed in the UK book “Single Women: Challenge to the Church,” incredibly liberating.
Prayer: I’ve had few prayers answered, and I’ve prayed thousands. They aren’t selfish either. So if God isn’t listening to me (on my clock), then according to the Bible I’m either unsaved or have unconfessed sin. There are no other options. I know I have the latter and I’ve confessed it, which doesn’t make me repentant. I still believe, “Let God be true and every man a liar.” Have you asked yourself, “Am I truly saved or am I a sinner? If the latter, do I have unconfessed sin?” Also, do you know what biblical conversion is, and have you truly experienced it?
@ 220lily
I find your response to me to be very uncharitable and rude.
You are a guest here on this blog. Posting here is a privilege, not a right.
This is a blog for me to vent and process some painful things that I’ve been through, not a place for someone to come on here and criticize me, my life, or my blog, or to question my spiritual condition.
I may ban you from posting to this blog, so don’t be surprised if you try to leave a reply to this and receive a message saying you are now blocked.
I generally (Link): do not allow posts on here that disagree with my views or try to “call me out” or lecture me.
It’s not your place to question my salvation or to suggest I’m selfish and that’s why my prayers are not being answered.
That is an insensitive, bullshit response Christians usually give to people who were devoted Christians but whose prayers are not being answered by God, or not in a timely fashion.
Witnessing tip for you:
It’s precisely that sort of response that is helping drive me away from the faith, not stay in it.
You said,
And it’s not your place to assume you know or to tell me.
You said,
You are promoting codependency. I grew up with that bullshit. I know better now.
So do the Christian psychiatrists who wrote this book; you can read it for free on the internet:
(Link): Twelve ‘Christian’ Beliefs That Can Drive You Crazy (on Google Books)
See in particular from that book:
“Assumption 1: It’s Selfish To Have My Needs Met”
I also do not care about “God’s glory,” which I have blogged about before:
(Link): I don’t care about God’s glory
You said,
Aside from your reply being incorrect, it’s very condescending and presumptuous for you to assume what my prayers must consist of, or that they might be “selfish,” which is what you seem to be implying.
That is a rude assumption and that response of yours is also UNBIBLICAL. Do you even read the Bible?
What you are conveying in your reply is not what the Bible says regarding unanswered, or delayed response, to prayer.
The Bible does not say that regarding suffering, or unanswered prayer, that either (or both conditions), are due to a person’s sin or to supposedly being selfish.
I did blog posts about that subject, which you have apparently not bothered to read, such as:
(Link): Blaming the Christian for His or Her Own Problem or Unanswered Prayer / Christian Codependency
The Bible says when bad things happen to good people, it’s not always due to the person’s fault, or to some sin they may have done.
(This is why I hate conversing with Christians such as yourself, because you most likely insist on seeing Biblical verses for every point a person makes which should not be necessary.)
You would have expected Jesus to blame this man’s blindness on some shortcoming of his, but Jesus had none of it (from John chapter 9):
Luke 13:4, 5: Jesus Christ speaking:
Hmm, Jesus explained that sometimes bad stuff happens to people just because we are living in a fallen world – they don’t always find themselves subject to suffering because they did something wrong.
Daniel 10 :12,13 states:
How about that.
Daniel received a delayed reply to his prayer because of demonic oppression.
You, however, would have told Daniel his prayer was selfish, or questioned his salvation.
You said,
It’s not a mutually exclusive proposition.
A church can disciple people AND help them find partners. Marriage, generally speaking, does involve human effort – God does not, 99% of the time, magically drop a spouse on to a single person’s door step.
If church people do not help church singles find a spouse, the singles are left to their own devices: which means turning to a dating site or bars and night clubs.
Considering all the perverts and losers who inhabit churches these days, of which I have many examples of on my blog, I guess meeting an atheist in a bar and dating him would most definitely be a step up from dating a Bible-carrying, church-going man who turns out to be a child molester, porn addict, or future wife abuser.
All the other stuff you went on about in your reply I ALREADY KNOW.
I even blog about it. I have blog posts that explain Jesus Christ taught that spiritual family is to take precedence over blood family ties. I have blog posts about how the church ignores widows, singles and the elderly.
Jumping Jiminy Cricket on a pogo stick, you talk down to me as though I’m not aware of these topics, when half the blog consists of posts by me about those very things.
Please don’t talk down to me. It’s incredibly condescending and rude.
The 220Lily Blogger Thinks You Should Believe in God For Anything, But This Was Not Her Message to Me in 2016
Hello,
I also have enjoyed reading your blog. As a Christian, single young woman, I have come across some of what you have referenced, even in my own family. For example, my mom was horrified when I told her that i desired to live my life as a single, fully devoted to the Lord. She couldn’t understand why I wasn’t interest in marriage. This whole time she had been raising me with the assumption that my ultimate goal in life should be to get married and have kids. As you can imagine, her incredulousness hurt a little. However, ladies, remember ( i always like to remind myself of this) Paul was never married, in fact, he encouraged his fellow believers not to marry but to live a life fully devoted to the Lord. So according to Paul, singleness is not a “curse” or a result of “selfishness” as some in the church and in my family like to claim. Paul openly praised singleness, so we shouldn’t feel ashamed about it or like we have to justify our position to others!
Love this blog. Very raw, very transparent. Refreshing especially when the topic is Christian in nature. Keep up your good work.
Thank you. 🙂
I was a Christian but the last couple of years I’m not as firm in the faith. I’m not quite agnostic but not 100% Christian at this point.
I am glad you have enjoyed the blog. My opinions are kind of all over the place these days, I suppose, so I probably tick off lots of people on either side of whatever topic I discuss.
Thanks for leaving a comment.
Hi CP, I am a single celibate Christian. I was one of those wild women in my youth, a backslider. However, I have been celibate for over 30 years. I am 65 and next year I will have been celibate for 35 years. I haven’t been on a date in years. Yes there were men during those years who did love and want to marry me but I wasn’t in love with them or they didn’t have the same faith. And there were many more who wanted an affair or less.
I know what you mean about the cult of marriage! When a single woman goes to church it seems too often the women view us as if we are some sort of temptress Jezebels out to steal their husbands. And the same loser husbands look at us smugly as if they are some prize package. These churches don’t seem to have read the same Bible as me. Paul said it is BETTER to remain such as he ( single ). The church needs to wake up. Rather than the gospel of Jesus they preach the gospel of the status quo. And that excludes anyone who doesn’t want to go after a McMansion and be a Stepford wife walking two steps behind for the man who rules over her. No thanks!
I can understand your frustrations as well as your doubt. I have gone through periods of that myself. I don’t go to any church. Too many churches are full of the things that you have complained about. I am registered Dem but lean more towards Independent. I think politics have no place in a church. Your friends sound similar to mine. I will advice you to hang in there and not fall into agnosticism. It is a very trying time for Christians. It IS true that we will come under persecution though for people like me that has included churches who preach the social or political gospel rather than the Gospel of Jesus Christ. My church, if you will, is to pray, read devotions and the Bible, pray some more, etc. I have Christian friends I fellowship with online as well as offline ( this includes my mom ).
I am a Christian because of the love of Jesus Christ. Like the old fashioned hymn goes: Oh how I love Jesus because He first loved me. Hang in there!
God bless you and I will keep you in prayer.
Cyd Summers
Another single here – a (nearly) fifty year old virgin. And I agree with you on this topic, and the film 40 year old virgin is no joking matter. Anyhow since you like looking at how the bible is interpreted (reading today’s post about homosexuality) you might like to look at an old essay I myself wrote… it might open your eyes to something else… or then again it might not. See http://www.scribd.com/doc/49207268/Your-Body-Is-Not-The-Temple-of-The-Holy-Spirit
Hello there!
I REALLY like your blog. Please keep writing.
I am a never married, childless woman and a Christian. You are speaking my language! I have worked hard not to develop a cynical side when it comes to religiosity and the traditions I’ve grown up with that you speak about. I too struggle with it at times.
Thank you for your writing. Keep it up!
I’m glad you enjoy the blog.
I do have an “About” page where I explain a little bit more about myself and my beliefs.
I don’t know if I consider myself a Christian anymore or not. I grew up as a Christian, I accepted Christ as my Savior as a child, but because of the singleness issue, and how churches mistreat singles, (as well as a few other reasons), I’ve started to see some problems with the Christian faith or the American expression of it, which have caused me to have doubts or just dislike the whole thing.
Thank you for leaving a comment.