Getting Married Does Not Necessarily Guarantee Frequent Hot Satisfying Sexy Sex / (also discussed): Gender and Sex Stereotypes (article)

Getting Married Does Not Necessarily Guarantee Frequent Hot Satisfying Sexy Sex (articles)

There are several different fairy tales conservative Christians hand out to Christian pre- teens and young adults to encourage them to refrain from fornicating: tell them to just hold on until they get married to have sex, or, that thought combined with the twist, “just wait until you get married, and the sex will be mind blowing!”

What happens when one partner in marriage, due to low libido, past sexual abuse, being physically exhausted, or just plain old disinterested in sex doesn’t “put out” as often as the other partner would prefer? Why, you wind up with a sex-less (or a non-plentiful sex life, at least possibly from the perspective of one spouse).

Here are some articles that discuss the situation where married couples are not having sex at all, or only very infrequently:

How Often Should Married Couples Have Sex? (The Wall Street Journal)

The URL to that is:

online.wsj.com/article/
SB10001424127887324874204578438713861797052.html?
mod=e2tw

That WSJ article was in turned discussed on Slate:

The Wall Street Journal’s Solution to Sexless Marriages: Stereotype All Men and Women (Slate)

slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/04/24/
sexless_marriage_the_wall_street_journal_s
_gender_stereotyping_fails_to.html

    By Amanda Hess | Posted Wednesday, April 24, 2013, at 12:38 PM

    Meet Chris and Afton Mower. For the first six months of their marriage, the Wall Street Journal reported yesterday, the couple was in wedded bliss.

    But soon, “Mower developed a rather significant concern: They weren’t having enough sex—and the situation was getting worse by the week. When Mr. Mower attempted to talk to his wife about the problem, she changed the subject.

    He tried whispering in her ear. She ignored him.

    After reading online that women are turned on by men who do housework, he washed the dishes and vacuumed more often.” As the months marched on, “Mr. Mower tracked their sex life in a notebook he kept in his nightstand.

    He drew a chart and filled in different-shaped dots to represent various scenarios,” [Christian Pundit: He kept a chart? Seriously?] and concluded that he was “rebuffed 95% of the time.” But despite the statistical legwork, Chris Mower still wasn’t getting laid.

    Typical male-female dynamic, am I right? That’s the WSJ’s take. The story is called “How Often Should Married Couples Have Sex?” and is subtitled “What Happens When He Says ‘More’ and She Says ‘No.’”

    Reporter Elizabeth Bernstein calls in psychologists and sex therapists to flesh out the gender divide in the Mower family’s bedroom expectations. “Increasingly, experts believe sex is a more emotional experience for men than for women,” she writes. “Men, much more than women, relate to a partner through sex … as evidenced by their fear of rejection, concerns about performance and desire to please.”

    But Chris and Afton Mower aren’t exactly universal stand-ins for Man and Woman. Later in the piece, we get more information about their particular circumstances. Both raised in the Mormon Church, the couple waited to have sex until their wedding night. Neither was satisfied. (“We expected sparks and it didn’t happen,” Chris says).

    And that dry spell early on? It started when, “early in the marriage, Ms. Mower became pregnant and lost the baby. Her libido was diminished, and she was uncomfortable discussing sex with her husband.”

    The Mower’s sexual incompatibility can’t be explained away by gender stereotypes like masculine sexual needs and feminine frigidity. This couple married before they even figured out whether they were sexually compatible. In a culture that prioritizes the childbearing potential of marital intimacy, it’s understandable that a woman would be uneager to jump into another risky pregnancy.

    And in a world where women are expected to see their sexuality as a way to please their man as opposed to themselves, glorious charts detailing their failure to do so are probably not helpful (says Afton, “all the pressure I felt made me want it less”). Frankly, it’s insulting to tell any woman who’s just lost a child that sex is “more emotional” for men.
    (Please click the “read more” link to read the rest of this post)

    Continue reading “Getting Married Does Not Necessarily Guarantee Frequent Hot Satisfying Sexy Sex / (also discussed): Gender and Sex Stereotypes (article)”

Father Kills His Three Kids (article) – Once more, parenthood and marriage does not prevent sin or failure

Father killed three children after his wife ended relationship over ‘crush’ inquest hears

Married people and parents make mistakes and commit sins – a message that many conservative Christians and pastors have yet to figure out.

Often, Christians advise un-married Christians that if they want to get married, they have to “earn” a spouse, or become perfect enough to rate one.

It is therefore suggested, or implied, by preachers and Christians (usually by married Christians) that an individual has to be sinless or perform certain works (e.g., attend church weekly, do various good deeds, or refrain from sexual activity, or be wholly content in his or her singleness, etc) before God will “allow” that unmarried person to have a spouse.

Of course there are variations of this thinking in secular dating advice material as well – that if you want to be married but haven’t been married yet it’s obviously because you must be flawed in some way, so you must undergo therapy or go on a journey of self discovery, and other such idiotic advice is given.

This story comes from a British paper:

Father killed three children after his wife ended relationship over ‘crush’ inquest hears – The Telegraph

    By Claire Carter

    24 Apr 2013

    A father killed himself and his three children after his relationship with his wife broke down after she developed a crush on her lecturer, an inquest heard.

    Ceri Fuller, 35, is believed to have stabbed his 12-year-old son Samuel and daughters Rebecca, eight and Charlotte, seven, with a hunting knife, before killing himself.

    All four bodies were found at the bottom of a disused quarry in Shrewsbury, Shropshire, on July 16 last year. The children had been slashed in the neck, and Samuel and Rebecca are believed to have tried to defend themselves.

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Related posts, this blog;

Fatherhood Not Quite the Producer of Manly, Mature, Godly Men Some Conservative Christians Make It Out To Be

Stereotypes About Singles: “You Can’t Attract Anyone Because You Must Obviously Have ‘Too Much Baggage’

Christian Men Who Are Abusive or Killers – Index

Married (especially Christian) couples who engage in sexual sin – Index

Married People Are Supposedly More Mature and Godly than Unmarried People

Older Single Males are Pedophiles says Ask Amy

Older Single Males are Pedophiles says Ask Amy

Well, well, well. At least Amy of the “Ask Amy” column is consistent across the genders when it comes to insult.

Previously, she’s suggested that women over 40 lack sex appeal (read this), and now, she’s agreeing with a mom of two college aged sons that older, single men are perverts who want to fondle and diddle children.

The letter:

When The Female Libido and Female Gaze Is Acknowledged in Religion – and the Shirtless Boston Terrorist

When The Female Libido and Female Gaze Is Acknowledged in Religion – and the Shirtless Boston Terrorist

Just like some segments of Islam, there are some schools of Christianity, notably conservative evangelicals, and some Southern Baptists, and Good Lawd knows your Independent Fundamentalist Baptists, who blame women for mens’s sexual trespasses. Women are made accountable for the sexual failings of men, ergo women are given a bunch of man made rules to follow, such as how long their skirts should be and so forth.

Women in all these religous groups are told, or it is strongly implied, that if they are raped, it’s because they were wearing revealing clothing. In some of these faiths, women are told by wearing a low cut blouse or short skirt, they can cause a man to have lusty thoughts, and they, the women, are to blame for this.

Recall from previous musings on this blog I’ve pointed out how conservative Christian males live in this odd bubble of denial where they do not like to admit to themselves, or to each other, that women do notice what men look like, most women prefer sexy, fit, attractive men, and women have sexual desire too.

This brings me to an interesting phenomenon I’ve noticed among some Muslims.

I am by no means an expert on Islam, but I’ve read about it off and on over the years and had to study it a tiny bit while in college.

I recall reading in one book that some Muslim men (and I don’t remember what nation this was) wear long-sleeved shirts all the time, and their rationale for covering up in these long shirts is that some women might be sexually stimulated by seeing their forearms.

I don’t know personally of any women who are “turned on” by a man’s forearms, maybe they do exist, I don’t know, but this attitude was fascinating to me.

In news reports after the Boston Marathon bombings, I heard one reporter mention that the older terrorist, the 26 year old Tamerlan Tsarnaev, told someone months before that he was reluctant to go out in public shirtless, not even to play sports shirtless, was my understanding, because he didn’t want to create lustful thoughts in women who would look at his built frame and think, “hubba hubba.”

Ordinarily, in much of Islamic thought (from what I’ve read over the years), women can bring rape upon themselves, or cause men to commit sexual sin and lustful thoughts, if their bodies and faces are not covered, hence, the wearing of the burka.

Continue reading “When The Female Libido and Female Gaze Is Acknowledged in Religion – and the Shirtless Boston Terrorist”

Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin

Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin

Many secular and Christian males typically place too much emphasis upon female physical appearance. Both groups of males believe if they just have a stunning personality or are very wealthy, that they can obtain a movie-star good looking wife. (I use the term “males” to cover most age ranges: teen aged boys, young adults, and grown men.)

The Christian males in particular get this message indirectly by way of the fact that most sermons and Christian dating advice books and sites forever tell the females only to “look pretty,” to stay in shape, stay thin, grow their hair long (supposedly all men prefer long hair), etc. The silence to males on this topic is interesting, disturbing, and sexist: males of all ages are never told by pastors and in Christian dating advice blogs that women like handsome men with six pack abs, a full head of hair, and so on.

Men are seldom told to stay in shape, get thin, work out at a gym, etc. Christian men also get a double dose of this by being told that God designed males to be “visual” or “visually oriented.” This is used as a rationalization why they have to make no effort to stay in shape or be good-looking to nab a girlfriend.

The truth is that secular and Christian women do care about good looks in a man. Most of us ladies would prefer to date a studly, built, hot-looking guy.

Some of us ladies don’t care if you are a regular- church- attending Joe who lives in a mansion; if, however, you are a male who lacks hair, have a beer gut, or looks like nerdy Barney Fife, we’re just not going to be interested. That is the cold, hard reality.

The American Christian culture, males within it at least, feel safer if they live in this world of denial where they think they can be sloppy fat, have bad breath, have greasy hair (or no hair at all), and look dumpy, but as long as they’re a stand- up, spiritual kind of guy who volunteers at a soup kitchen once a month, they feel they will still rate, merit, or deserve a woman who looks like Angelina Jolie: and this is false.

There are even examples in the Bible where it’s noted that females notice if a guy is sexy, attractive, and good looking – and it’s not terribly relevant that the female examples are non-believers: Christian women care just as much, or almost as much.

Here’s an example from the book of Genesis chapter 39:

Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!” (Genesis 39: 6 – 7)

How about that! A woman who has eye sight noticed that a male was smokin’ hot. She was not turned on first and foremost by his integrity, brains, or spirituality… but his buff bod and chiseled jaw, oh yeah.

I find this terribly amusing, because one would get the idea from reading conservative evangelical, fundamentalist, or Baptist literature and blogs about true love, marriage, and dating that women don’t really give a fig about physical appearance – but we do, we really do.

Observe this video from the 2:35 to the 2:50 Mark, taken from a kid’s Bible cartoon show:


(Video: Potiphar’s Wife Thinks Joseph is Hubba Hubba)

In the video, see how Potiphar’s wife gives Joseph a going- over with her eyes, around the 2:35 mark and around 2:45 / 2:50.

Women have eyes in their heads. They notice if a male is in shape, has a full head of hair, and they notice if the guy is a tub of lard, lacks hair, is thin but has no muscular development (i.e., has the body of a five year old boy).

So, if you are an unmarried Christian male, if you want to get a girlfriend or get married, you better make very sure you look presentable.

Looks should not be the only thing a woman cares about, but plenty of women do indeed care about them, contrary to the messages you hear from your Baptist preacher on Sunday mornings, or the messages you see on Christian dating blogs.
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Related posts, this blog:

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): Article: Scientists: Why penis size does matter [to women]

(Link):  Yes Women Are Visually Oriented – Hundreds of female marathon runners abandon their race to mob ‘impossibly handsome’ policeman for selfies

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): Conflicting Message to Christian Women by Christians About Physical Appearance

(Link): Gender Complementarian Product for Females: Don’t Base Your Value on Your Looks, but Wait, Yes, You Should

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

Glad I Was Never Married – The Heartless Wife Vs. Selfish Husband

Glad I Was Never Married – The Heartless Wife Vs. Selfish Husband

This is one of those occasions I’m glad I never married. This letter:

Ask Dr. Sherry: ‘Is It Wrong to Divorce My Dying Husband?’

Just glancing at the headline, I thought the woman sounded like a bitch. But when you read her detailed letter to Dr. Sherry the therapist lady, you see that the husband is no prize either.

The wife put her husband’s needs before her own for two decades. When she began going after what she wanted in life – dropped 70 pounds, went back to school, etc., he began getting upset.

Now he’s got major health problems and the wife doesn’t want to stay with him.

Neither the husband or wife sound like great people.

Oh yeah, this is also another example that married people are not perfect. They too are selfish, not just single people.

Married Women Engage in Sexual Sin – and most men in denial particularly Christian conservatives

Married Women Engage in Sexual Sin – and most men in denial, particularly Christian conservatives

Yes, married people, wives, engage in sexual sin. Most preachers are in denial about this and prefer to assume sexual sins ensnare UN-married people.

The following site not only is another example disproving that contention, but also the popular Southern Baptist, Fundamentalist, and evangelical belief that only men want and enjoy sex, while women only want cuddles, to admire rainbows, or to hand-knit pot holders.

(Link): Why Married Woman Have Affairs

Gender Stereotypes Rife in Christian Culture

Gender Stereotypes Rife in Christian Culture

Gender stereotypes abound in Christian culture as well as secular, and they annoy me.

Here’s a secular page that discusses why some of the commonly held gender stereotypes are incorrect, exaggerated, or misrepresented (someone on another site recommended a very good book on this topic, but I can’t recall its title):

Busted! 6 Gender Myths in the Bedroom & Beyond

Mars vs. Venus?

The difference in men’s and women’s attitudes toward sex are often taken for granted. Men want sex, women want commitment; men look for attractive mates and women go after social status.

But not all psychologists are on board with these gender-essentialist statements.

In a new review, University of Michigan psychologist Terri Conley and colleagues sift through psychology studies and find gender differences aren’t always as black-and-white (or pink-and-blue) as they seem. Here are six gender differences that may not be innate after all.

Men Think About Sex More Than Women Do

The cliché that men think about sex every seven seconds is not true. And while it’s true that men think about sex more often than women do, they also think about other bodily needs, such as food and sleep, more than women do.

In a study published in 2011 in the Journal of Sex Research, psychologists asked research participants to record their thoughts throughout the day. They found that men pondered sex 18 times a day to a woman’s 10 times a day, but men also thought about food and sleep proportionately more than women. That suggests sex doesn’t hold as vaunted a position for men as you might expect.

Men Want More Sex Partners Than Women

If you ask a lot of men and women how many sex partners they’d want in a given period of time, the numbers provided by men average higher than the women’s numbers. But it seems that a few randy fellows at the top are skewing the results as a whole.

Continue reading “Gender Stereotypes Rife in Christian Culture”

Christians and Churches Discriminate Against Unmarried People / Singles

Christians and Churches Discriminate Against Unmarried People / Singles

Single and Evangelical? Good Luck Finding Work as a Pastor … – New York Times

Why Are Churches So Afraid of Single Pastors?

Excerpts:

    by Matt
    ….In late 2005 I was a single man in my early thirties. Having successfully served in youth ministry for eight years I was pretty certain that I would not have much of a problem finding a new church in which to serve.

    Over the year that was my job search I was reminded once again how difficult the job hunt was, how many times churches will unintentionally lead you on or try, “keep you on the hook”, or flat out lie about your status with them.

    As I searched for a church it was common for me to be asked by an interviewer to “tell me about your family”. Knowing what they were really asking for I would tell them about my family of origin, my parents and my sister. When they finally asked me about my wife I would respond “she’s fabulous! I just haven’t met her yet.” After a bit of a chuckle on both sides the conversation would continue, but would be noticeably shorter than conversations where that did not come up.

    I often heard back from my references that they had a conversation about my singleness: “is there a reason that Matt is single?” was a popular question.

    Others would ask if I was socially awkward, heterosexual, or any other version of the “why is Matt not married like the rest of us” type question.

    Throughout the process I got frustrated. Very frustrated.

    Having ended a serious relationship two years earlier I was not ready to be married at this time… though it seemed as if it would have helped me to get a job.

Visit the guy’s blog to read the rest of the post.

Should Single People Be Eligible to Lead a Church?

    By Alex Murashko , Christian Post Reporter
    February 23, 2013|5:18 pm

    As a single and divorced man, it took Pastor Duke Taber eight years and more than 185 rejection letters before finding a congregation that would consider him as leader of their church. Even after three years as the lead pastor of a small church in Pine Haven, Wyo., Taber said he still gets his “feathers ruffled” when someone attaches a stigma about singles.

    …. However, Taber believes statements such as the one his friends made are “seriously prejudicial.” “There is a misnomer in our society,” Taber wrote in his blog post, “Are Christian Singles The New Second Class Christian?”

Are Christian Singles The New Second Class Christian?

    by Duke Taber

    Single People Are Complete People

    There is a misnomer in our society. It is the thought that we have to find someone else to be our other half or that we have to be married to be complete. This is totally against what the Bible teaches concerning the nature of man. God created man in His image. He created them male and female. It does not teach that He created two half beings that when they come together they are complete, but instead it teaches that both male and female are complete creations formed in His image.

    Continue reading “Christians and Churches Discriminate Against Unmarried People / Singles”

Article: Scientists: Why penis size does matter [to women]

Scientists: Why penis size does matter

Was it really necessary for whomever put that page together, “Why penis size does matter,” to introduce it with a huge photo of actor Jon Hamm at the top?

Anyway. Males, and yes, this would include Christian ones, put way too much emphasis upon female appearance.

As I’ve discussed before and will no doubt mention again, even Christian material on dating and how to get married aimed at females pushes the appearance thing to ladies to such a degree that it’s quite sexist.

Frequently, singe Christian ladies – and single Non-Christian ladies – are told in dating and marriage advice literature that if they want a boyfriend or husband, they will need to become stick thin, grow their hair out, wear fetching attire and make-up, because men, we ladies are forever told, are “visually wired” and apparently care more about looks than anything else in a woman.

The fact of the matter is a lot of women, both Christian and Non, judge men based on their appearance. Women prefer to date and marry hot, sexy men who have nice physiques. This is news that I think makes a lot of men uncomfortable. Many men don’t want to be held to the same standards of appearance, which tend to be very unrealistic and stringent, as they subject women to.

I am still intending on doing a post about all that in the future.

I came across this today, and I’m sure this is another factor most men would like to ignore or wish away:

Scientists: Why penis size does matter – Bigger is better, at least according to new research

    By Chris Gayomali | April 9, 2013

    Women prefer big penises, thunders a new study published this week in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, or PNAS. (Say it out loud.)

    Researchers had 105 heterosexual Australian women (average age: 26) rate 49 computer-generated nude images of male bodies. Their task? To rate each CGI-bro on a scale of 1 to 7, with each figure controlled for three different traits: Height, shoulder-hip ratio, and flaccid penis size.

    Here’s the sexy stuff the women were asked to look at: [visit their page to view image]

    After controlling for the other two variables (height and shoulder-hip ratio), Australian National University researchers were able to confirm their suspicions: Bigger is better, at least according to this group of heterosexual Australian women asked to rate these ghostly, faceless renderings of the male body.

    Continue reading “Article: Scientists: Why penis size does matter [to women]”

A Critique of the Family-Integrated Church Movement by Brian Borgman – Christians turning the family into an idol

A Critique of the Family-Integrated Church Movement by Brian Borgman – Christians turning the family into an idol

A Critique of the Family-Integrated Church Movement

Excerpts:

    by Brian Borgman

    I would personally share the concerns with FIC over the cultural forces which wage war against the family. However, my complaint is that their remedy to the attacks on the family are unbiblical, unhelpful and may be worse than the societal diseases they seek to fight.

    1) FIC exalts the nuclear family to an unbiblical place

    The nuclear family is seen as central to life and the life of the church. The primacy of the family, family roles, domestic order subtly undermine the truth that the family of Christ is central and primary for the Christian (Mk. 3:31-35; Lk. 11:27-28; 14:26-27).

    Although there is much Old and New Testament instruction to the family, it is the spiritual family that supersedes because of loyalty to Christ.

    2) FIC redefines the church under the NC as a family of families

    Under the Old Covenant, Israel was a family of families, held together by blood lines and circumcision. Under the New Covenant, the Church is the family of God, not a family of families (Gal. 3:28-29; Eph. 2:19-22). In fact, under the New Covenant, nuclear families may be fragmented because of loyalty to Jesus (Matt. 10:34-39).

    3) FIC inadvertently excludes or marginalizes singles and others, which is contrary to the principles of Christ’s Kingdom (Matt. 19:11-12; 1 Cor. 7:7).

    Ask if a single person would feel welcomed as a brother or sister in Christ and a real part of the church family in a FIC. [Or any church or denomination that places way too much emphasis upon the family, marriage, and parenting, such as Southern Baptists and conservative evangelicals and fundamentalists – added by ChristianPundit]

    ….For those families who use VF [Vision Forum] materials, I would simply caution them to be on guard against an unbiblical exaltation of the family, an unbiblical view of the church, and the subtle elevation of “family-centered” principles to the place of “the teaching of God’s Word.”

Please visit his blog page to read the whole thing.
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Related post(s) this blog:

If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

Index of posts at this blog: Family-centric (Family As Idol)

Index of posts at this blog: Churches / Christians Making Marriage / Family Into Idols

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How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 4) – and Emotional Virginity Teaching

How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 4) – and “Emotional Virginity” Teaching

They say marriage is a great thing and throw fits that Christians aren’t getting married by and large any more, but they are creating the very thing they are protesting: Christians who keep Christian singles single via their stupid or naive dating advice and narrow minded views of women. Here are some more examples.

Source for the following: “My Teen Mania Experience”

Fear of Dating (posted to “My Teen Mania Experience”)

Here are excerpts from the page:

    [Regarding teachings on dating to teens by “Teen Mania” and “Honor Academy” Christian teachers] ….What kind of effed up teachings produce this level of ridiculous fear? This total inability to engage the opposite sex in a normal, friendly manner?

    For once, I knew I couldn’t blame this on Christianity at large, because she was not raised a Christian. The Honor Academy was her only exposure to Christianity and these problems and mindsets did not exist before she went there.
    [From Christian Pundit: I disagree. This “fear of dating/ fear of the opposite gender” perspective is in a lot of Christian material on dating, not just the Honor Academy. It’s also taught among a lot of Christian home schooling families.]

    Now, this may be an extreme example (or maybe not?) but I’ve heard from dozens of alumni – especially women – that after the Honor Academy, they feel incredibly uneasy around the opposite sex. Why is that? I’m going to give a few potential reasons, but I hope you’ll chime in as well.

    1) Strict gender roles: Each gender has their assigned duties and no deviation is acceptable. Men lead. Women follow. Men initiate. Women respond.

    First off, there are many places in Scripture where Godly women pursued romantic relationships, did not submit to their husbands and held leadership roles over men.

    – Ruth proposed marriage to Boaz (Gasp!)
    – Abigail did not submit to her husband’s leadership and took matters into her own hands, which eventually led to her marrying King David. (I Sam 25)
    – Esther entered the King’s court uninvited – which had the potential to be an offense punishable by death.

    This is just a short list. If you research the topic further, you will find many more encouraging examples.

    From what I’ve seen, this teaching leads women to feel that they cannot even show interest in a guy (so how is he supposed to know that you like him?). It leads them to being passive and unable to seize opportunities. They are waiting for a guy to do everything in the relationship, and that is just not normal or healthy.

    2) Friendship with the opposite sex is actively discouraged.

    Many unsuspecting interns have been confronted for “curbside chatting” during their first week of the internship. “Curbside chatting” is exactly what it sounds like – standing on the curb outside the dorms, innocently chatting with a member of the opposite sex. Although this is clearly in public, in full view of all the dorms, its still considered dangerous behavior and will get you promptly confronted by your leadership and/or peers.

    I’ve heard alumni say that they were afraid to even be seen walking on a sidewalk in the same direction as a member of the opposite sex, for fear that they would be confronted.

    Continue reading “How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 4) – and Emotional Virginity Teaching”

Over Sexed Don Draper – an interesting take on fornication in secular media

When secular sources get it right – Mad Men

Mad Men – a television show on AMC taking place in the 1960s that features Don Draper, an ad executive.

I’ve not watched every single “Mad Men” episode ever made, but I’ve watched the last two seasons, and seen several repeats from earlier seasons.

One thing that stands out is that Don Draper is a total horn dog. He’s been married twice – his character is currently on wife 2, Meagan.

Draper cheats constantly on his wives (at least the second one – or at least it seems the cheating is constant), and after divorcing wife 1, I think he had a few one night stands – I recall one scene where he had sex with his secretary in his apartment on his couch.

Typically, Hollywood and secular television glorify extra-marital sex, but not this show.

Continue reading “Over Sexed Don Draper – an interesting take on fornication in secular media”

According to Pastor – Jimmy Evans – It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk | Making Marriage into an Idol Marriage Idolatry Anti Singles Singlehood Singleness Unmarried Bias Prejudice

According to Pastor It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk

I’m typing this as I’m watching a Christian show by a guy. I will be referring to him as a preacher, but I think he may just be a talk show host and author; I’m not sure. His site is “marriage today.com.” His name is Jimmy Evans. His wife’s first name is Karen.

I have a couple of points of disagreement with this guy, and one area of agreement.

Evans is repeating the old cliches that men are visually responsive, men turn on instantly, while women are emotionally responsive. (Which is not true – a lot of women are in fact “visual” – (Link): please see this link for more, as well as additional links at the bottom of this post.)

I concede that men and women are not identical in some areas, and that there is a certain amount of truths in those cliches, but this trope about men being “more sexual” and “more visual” while women have no interest in sex and are not visually stimulated needs to die – because it’s not entirely true, not true for all women, or is exaggerated.

Most men may want to have sex more often than most women, but it does not follow from this that all women always want is a cuddle or to read romance novels – and this is the assumption made by male pastors giving marital sex sermons.

Now the preacher, Evans, is explaining that “men are half, women are half, it takes a (married) man and woman together to equal a whole.”

Evans also said it takes half his brain and half his wife’s to equal a whole brain.

I, your blog author, Christian Pundit, have never married, I am alone, so is Evans saying I have only “one-half a brain” and I am not whole as I am? That is not only insulting, but the Bible says singles are whole on their own.

The Bible does not teach that an unmarried person is incomplete, lacking, or less human than people in a married partnership. Yet, Evans seems to be teaching these concepts, and it was one of the more troubling aspects of his sermon.

For people who complain that preachers don’t talk about sex enough – spare me. The opposite is true. This guy I’m watching now, Evans, even went so far as to use the phrases “oral sex,” “sex toys” and “the missionary position.”

He just over shared that his wife Karen has always “met his sexual needs.” I don’t need to know that specifically about him.

The only kudo I can give this preacher guy: he is now lecturing married couples to be sexually pure. He told them to stay away from dirty sites, don’t fantasize about other people, control your thought life.

That is rare. Often, when sexual purity is discussed, it is only assumed by preachers that unmarried people commit sexual sin. It’s assumed that because married people are getting their sexual needs met, they have no cause to commit fornication – this is false.

I disagree with this pastor about his point of “don’t develop emotional relationships” with people outside of marriage.

Sorry, as a single woman, I get isolated and lonely in part because married people will not befriend me because it’s assumed either I am a temptress, or that married men are horny bastards who will make the move on every unmarried woman they meet.

Evans says according to some survey he read, that 90% of married Christian women admit to being attracted to someone other than their husband. Interesting point for several reasons.

I agree with Evans that a husband needs to meet the woman’s emotional needs and pursue her and romance her outside the bedroom. That is very important.

Now TMI (too much information): he mentioned “quickies” – yes, he used that very word – in the context of, “you know guys, sometimes sex in the morning is the best time to have sex.” Really dude, I don’t need to know that you personally enjoy sex in the mornings. Eww.

Evans briefly, very briefly, spent some time telling married men to stop comparing women to women in dirty magazines, one reason being that pr0n (pr0n = dirty magazines, films, sites) spreads the lie that all women are 100% sexual and do not have emotional needs.

There is a lot of truth in that, I suppose, and while I did not whip out a stop watch to time how long he spent on this topic, it seemed to me he spent longer chastising married women over romance novels, much more than he did over men who look at pr0n.

Please click the “read more” link below to read the rest of the post…

Continue reading “According to Pastor – Jimmy Evans – It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk | Making Marriage into an Idol Marriage Idolatry Anti Singles Singlehood Singleness Unmarried Bias Prejudice”

Beware of Rapists on Christian Dating Sites

Beware of Rapists on Christian Dating Sites

(Link): ChristianMingle Date Rape Victims Sought by California Cops

(Link): POLICE SEEK ‘CHRISTIAN MINGLE’ DATE RAPE VICTIMS — READ THE DISTURBING DETAILS

(Link): Second rape charge filed against man linked to Christian dating site

A second rape charge has been filed against a 37-year-old Del Mar man already accused of raping a woman he met on the ChristianMingle.com dating website.

Sean Banks of Del Mar was arrested Feb. 11 and charged with rape, burglary and penetration by force involving a woman in the San Diego suburb of La Mesa, according to court records.

On Friday, a second rape charge was added, alleging that Banks raped a woman in 2009. He was also charged with attempting to intimidate a witness. Banks has denied those charges.

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Related posts on this blog:

(Link): Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.

(Link): More 40-Something Single Women Falling Prey to Dishonest or Violent Men in Dating (says report)

(Link): Police: Woman raped, stabbed by man she met on dating website / Separate news story: Man used dating sites to find rape victims

(Link): Various articles about online dating – Online dating leads to marriage / why men fail at online dating – other articles

(Link):   Risky Business: The Dangers of Online Dating and How to Protect Yourself

(Link): Woman Meets Man on Dating Site, He Steals Her Dog and TV on First Date

(Link): Ladies with Husbands and Boyfriends – Beware of Revenge Porn

(Link): Police urge caution when using dating websites / Murderers on Dating Sites

(Link): Beware of HIV / AIDS Infected Christian Male Preachers On Dating Sites

(Link): Facebook Uses Photo of Dead Girl (by suicide) in Dating Site Ad

(Link): Homosexual Satanist Kills Cop He Met Via Grindr Dating App, Eats Part of Body, Acid Burns the Remainder

(Link): Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work

(Link): San Jose woman loses $500,000 in online Christian Mingle dating scam

(Link): Blogs by Single Women Who Discuss the Weirdos, Perverts and Losers Who Contact Them on Dating Sites

(Link): Weird Dating Sites, Toilet Dating, Dating Sites and Privacy

(Link): Online Dating: Women Want Younger Men (article)

(Link): Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work (article)

(Link): Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.

(Link): Beware of Rapists on Christian Dating Sites

(Link): Online Dating Vs Meeting in Real Life (copy)

(Link): Creepizoids Weirdos and Perverts on Dating Sites

(Link): Internet dating firms entice lonely hearts with faked profiles based on real people (article)

Christians and Non Christians Attacking Rick Warren in His Time of Grief

Christians and Non Christians Attacking Rick Warren in His Time of Grief – along with militant Non-Christian, homosexual lunatics. (This is my second attempt at posting this. WordPress would not publish it yesterday)

(This post may contain strong language, so if you’re one of those delicate little flower Christians who doesn’t care for cuss words or crude terms, please click away now. If not, read ahead at your own risk, don’t complain to me about the language. Thanks.)

I’ve (Link): written before about Christians who vilify and attack people, including Rick Warren.

I’ve read Rick Warren’s “Purpose Driven Life” book and didn’t see anything objectionable in it, nothing unbiblical. He essentially spends the book telling people their meaning is to be found in Christ alone, not in money, career, marriage, or fame.

I have read that some Christians have been hurt by Warren’s “church driven” strategy, which is, if I understand it properly, to make drastic changes to a church and unceremoniously kick out any members, even “long timers,” who disagree with the new approach. If this is true, I’m sure this approach has created hurt Christians, and I’m sorry for that.

However, as this reporter discusses in the page I’ve linked to, after the suicide of Rick Warren’s 20-something son this past week, Warren has been getting harassed over it and receiving hateful comments on the internet not only from Non-Christians, but also from professing Christians.

Link: Christian Leaders Appalled at Hurtful Responses to Rick Warren’s Family Tragedy

Before I discuss the hate mail he’s been getting from Christians: according to a different news source I saw yesterday, most of the Non-Christians sending Warren hate mail in the aftermath of his son’s passing are perturbed because Warren does not support homosexual marriage (I think Warren supported Prop 8 in California, and that is their grudge against the man?).

Continue reading “Christians and Non Christians Attacking Rick Warren in His Time of Grief”

Preachers With a Conflicting View on Church Attendance

Preachers With a Conflicting View on Church Attendance

The BTK serial killer used to attend church every week, the same church for ten or more years, I believe – it’s how the police caught him. So you know what that tells me? You cannot judge if a man is good or not based on how often he attends church.

Christians often contradict themselves on some topics, church attendance being one of them.

David Jeremiah was giving a sermon tonight on TV where he was saying you shouldn’t measure how “Christian” you are by whether you attend church weekly or not. And I agree with that.

I’ve heard other tele evangelists say that same thing. But often, the same preacher, or one a day later, will shame and chastise Christians for not attending church.

Some preachers will pretty much set up weekly church attendance as a barometer of one’s spiritual maturity.

I’ve heard preachers tell any single women watching, “If a man you’re interested in is not going to church every week, dump him.”

So, on the one hand, these preachers will tell you that you should not be legalistic, you should not count church attendance as a gold star for a chart of good deeds, or you should not think that it makes you better than others ….but then… they will turn around later in another sermon and guilt you or judge you for not regularly attending, and I’ve heard some of them hint that you’re not a serious Christian because you don’t go weekly.

They really want to have their cake and eat it too.

You preachers need to make up your mind on this: either you think you should be able to use church attendance to judge and condemn someone’s walk with God, or not.

As a Christian who is barely holding on to the faith lately (I’m becoming agnostic), who is wary about being around Christians again, let alone going back to church, one sure way to keep me away from church is to do these sermons where you guilt or shame people who don’t attend regularly or at all. You don’t have a winning strategy there.

Related post on this blog:

Guilt Tripping or Shaming the Hurt Sheep to Return to Church

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WordPress and Censorship – doesn’t want to publish posts about controversial topics – pastor Rick Warren harassed after death of son

Word press into cenorship? Blog refusing to publish my post
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This is one of the links I wanted to publish in my original post:
Link: Christian Leaders Appalled at Hurtful Responses to Rick Warren’s Family Tragedy
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In light of the fact that Rick Warren has been getting hate mail after the suicide of his son from Christians and from Non Christian homosexual militants (it’s my understanding Warren is getting hate mail from homosexual militants and their loony hetero allies because Warren does not support the legalization of homosexual marriage), I wrote a post expressing disgust about it – but WordPress refuses to publish it.

Each time I click the “Publish” button, WordPress loads a page asking me, “Are you SURE you want to publish this?” When I click “Yeah, I’m sure,” it takes me back to the composition box and will not publish the post.

I might try again to publish it, later. I have a copy of the post saved to my hard drive.

To be crystal clear, the reason this post has been tagged with phrases such as “Kooks and Crazies” is in reference to any Christians and homosexual militants who have been sending hate mail to Warren in his time of grief – such phrases are NOT in reference to suicidal people or people with mental health problems (e.g., depression).

Ladies Over 35 Years Of Age Having Babies

Ladies Over 35 Years Of Age Having Babies

See my previous posts:

Ageism and Singlehood: Ask Amy Columnist

Infertility/ Kids/ The Male Biological Clock

One scare tactic political conservatives and evangelical, fundamentalist, patriarchal, and Baptist Christians use is to tell young women:

“Marry now while you are 20 years old, because by the time you hit 35, your eggs will dry up and marriage will be too late and pointless for you” (marriage is not for pro-creation only, you idiots).

In light of all these articles I’ve seen in the last several years pointing out that more and more women are not having their first baby until age 35, 40, or older, these scare tactics are empty (not to mention under-handed and a cheap shot).

(For anyone who may want to leave a comment under this post:

remember, I do not entertain dissenting views or argumentative types on my blog. I don’t like ageist comments, either.

Invariably, some ageist flamer or troll will want to leave a comment under this post going on and on about health risks involved with a woman over 35 getting pregnant, and / or some sexist pig will want to blame “feminism” for why some women don’t become mothers until past their twenties, and yada yada. I won’t be publishing any such remarks (like I did one time under an older post on this topic), so please, don’t waste your time or mine by composing such a remark on my blog.)

Actress Halle Berry, as I write this, is 46 or 47 years old.

Links:

Halle Berry calls second pregnancy ‘the biggest surprise of my life’

Halle Berry on pregnancy: ‘Biggest surprise of my life’

Halle Berry joins growing group of older moms

Excerpts (click the link to read the whole thing):

Actress Halle Berry has joined a growing group of celebrity and real-life moms who are getting pregnant after 40. Berry recently announced she is carrying her second child at the age of 46.

While birth rates for almost all other age groups are at historic lows, according to a 2012 report from the National Center for Health Statistics, the rate for women in their late 30s and early 40s is on the rise.

By 40, a woman’s reproductive chance is less than 5% per cycle, so a natural pregnancy is rare. And pregnant women in their 40s face increased risks for several health issues, including gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, breast cancer and miscarriages.

But Dr. Petra M. Casey said those risks vary significantly from patient to patient.

“Underlying health is a huge factor in the outcome of pregnancy,” she said.

Casey, an associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the Mayo Clinic, gave birth to her two children at age 38 and at 41. “I don’t, unfortunately, look anything like Halle Berry,” she joked.
“Some women are incredibly healthy at 40; some are sick at 20,” she said. “That all makes a huge difference in the challenges they may face in being pregnant.”

Berry looks healthy and has less body fat than most Americans. She also makes a great salary, so she can afford to pay for good medical care. All of those elements are factors in her favor. But one factor she can’t change is the age of her eggs.

“Aging eggs cannot be helped and are a risk factor for anyone her age,” Casey said.
Doctors have several tests available to see whether the child will have any kind of chromosomal problem that could come with aging eggs.

“In terms of risk with women who are a little bit older and the potential genetic problems the baby may have, we pay closer attention to that for sure,” said Dr. George Macones, chairman of the department of obstetrics and gynecology at Washington University in St. Louis. “If someone is healthy, though, and doesn’t have medical problems other than the genetic issues, there shouldn’t be a lot to worry about.”

Macones has seen a significant increase in the number of older patients he sees. “I believe my oldest patient was 54. She was incredibly fit as a competitive athlete and everything went fantastic with her pregnancy and birth,” he said.


Related Post:

(Link): With Menopause Reversal, Women Could Be Forever Fertile

Dating Jesus / Oh No I’m Single! (videos) – for single unmarried Christians

Dating Jesus (video)

Recap for newbies here: I’m over 40 and never married, though I wanted to be.

I don’t know why other single, Christian women refer to Jesus Christ as “their boyfriend,” or they (or teen aged girls) will say that they are “dating Jesus.”

When other Christians hear you pine for marriage, they will sympathetically tell you, “The Lord is your husband.” That is not consoling. It’s weird.

If I can figure out how to directly embed the video in the post, I’ll do it. For now, here’s a link to a video on You Tube. I found it amusing. (There’s another video below this one.)

(Link): Dating Jesus

Here’s another: