Hugh Jackman in The Wolverine

Hugh Jackman in The Wolverine

In honor of one of my Hollywood crushes, I thought I’d do a post about his new movie.

It’s abslutely false that women are not “visually oriented.” We totally are.

Women are not only about “emotional intimacy.” Women are not dis-interested in a guy’s looks, though this is what secular culture and a lot of sermons and Christian articles and books would have you believe.

(Link): ‘The Wolverine’ stays sharp thanks to Jackman

(Link): The Wolverine: Early Reviews Have Hugh Jackman Looking Sharp

    by Josh Grossberg


    “Though Wolvie comes across a bit world-weary and battle-worn by now, Jackman is in top form, taking the opportunity to test the character’s physical and emotional extremes. Fans might’ve preferred bigger action or more effects, but Mangold does them one better, recovering the soul of a character whose immortality left something to be desired,” raves Variety, calling the Japan-set sequel an “Eastern Western” that’s “smart” and “entertaining.”

(Link): Review: ‘The Wolverine’ Wins Big By Playing Small


    by Scott Mendelson, Contributor

    It’s less concerned with being a major comic book superhero franchise entry than with just being a good movie.

    The majority of the picture feels cheap, in a good way, as it contains actual story, somewhat developed characters, and extended moments where those people actually converse with each other in order to reveal plot and character. Yes, there are moments of action, but the majority of the action is real-world plausible and it’s shot and edited for geographical and chronological clarity. More the majority of its running time, The Wolverine feels like an old-school 1990′s action drama, with a dash of family melodrama and a mix of iconic samurai/cowboy imagery tossed in for good measure.

    If anything, the film gets the two best action sequences out of the way in the first act, with a big-scale fight sequence and a thrilling (but brief) interlude atop a speeding bullet train.

The Wolverine - film starring Hugh Jackman - movie poster, 2013
The Wolverine – film starring Hugh Jackman – movie poster, 2013

Related posts, this blog:

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): Women Are Visually Oriented Too – Reminder 1

(Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): Article: Scientists: Why penis size does matter [to women]

(Link): Married Women Engage in Sexual Sin – and most men in denial particularly Christian conservatives

(Link): More ‘Men Are Visual’ Baloney, Discussed at Another Blog

(Link):Conservative Christian Sexist Immature Imbecilic Pressure on Women to Look Pretty and Skinny and to Put Out Sexually

Shaun considered himself to be a lesbian in a man’s body

In this blog’s ongoing series,


I present to you:

Shaun considered himself to be a lesbian in a man’s body

This lady’s ex boyfriend thinks of himself as a lesbian. When he puts on a wig, he looks just like her. (There are photos of the guy in the wig at this link):

(Link): Ex-fiance confessed he liked girls’ clothes but I only freaked out when I saw that he looked exactly like me

    Nikita couldn’t stomach the idea of sex with a lookalike

    BEING told that her boyfriend was a secret crossdresser was bad enough.
    But there was an even bigger shock in store for Nikita Penny when the man she hoped to marry told her he was in fact a lesbian trapped in the wrong body.
    The biggest bombshell, though, was when IT manager Nikita discovered her lover, Shaun Mitchell, looked exactly like she did when dressed as a woman.

    With the same fringe, pink lipstick and lace tights, her boyfriend looked like her twin sister.

    It was a step too far for Nikita, 20, who couldn’t stomach the idea of sex with a lookalike.

    She dumped Shaun then fell for his best mate. They plan to wed.

    Shaun’s crossdressing is out in the open — and he admits he still looks the image of his ex when dressed as a woman.
    Nikita says: “When Shaun first told me he was a crossdresser I wanted to support him — I’ve always been open-minded — but when I saw him dolled up it was like looking in the mirror. It would have been like going to bed with myself. My boyfriend had turned into my twin sister. I wanted a lover, not a twin sister, and couldn’t help falling for his mate.”

    The pair met in 2011 and had been a couple for eight months when Nikita first suspected the supermarket worker was hiding something from her.

    “We were so happy and so close and suddenly he became very quiet and withdrawn.”

    The office worker from Redditch, Worcs, feared there was another woman involved. She says: “I didn’t want to believe it but I couldn’t think of any other reason for Shaun to be so distant, even though he denied it.”
    But Shaun wasn’t being entirely honest because there was in fact another woman — just not in the way Nikita expected.

    She says: “One night I begged him to tell me the truth and he said he would, only he didn’t seem able to find the words. So I handed him a pen and paper.”

    Shaun, 22, began to write and when Nikita looked at the pad she was stunned. Her boyfriend had written: “I wish I was a girl.” She says: “At first I was relieved that there wasn’t another woman — I thought it was a joke.

    “But he was covering his face with his hands and it hit me that he meant it. The man I wanted to marry was telling me he wanted to be a woman. I couldn’t believe it. There was another woman — but it was himself.”

    Shaun admitted to Nikita that he wanted to dress in women’s clothes and feared he had been born in the wrong body. She says: “I was shaking when I asked him if he still loved me. He insisted he did and I said I loved him too.”

Related posts, this blog:

(Link): Glad I’m Not Married – ‘Help! My Husband Caught Me Cheating and Now Wants an Open Marriage.’

(Link): Glad to Be Single – Husband Married to Woman Now Says He’s Homosexual And Wants Out

I put this one on the blog for single males:
(Link): Husband Has Penis Chopped off for Inter-faith Marriage – Glad to Be Single Series

(Link): Virginity for Sale and Virgin = ‘Nerdy Loser’ Perception and… Glad I Ain’t Married Example

(Link): Those Times When You’re Glad to be a Celibate, Single Christian – 1 Corinthians 7:28

(Link): People Who Marry for the Wrong Reasons

(Link): How Did this Idiot Get A Wife? – ‘They’re Married?!’ Series

(Link): Rebound Guy And No Sex

(Link): More Schadenfreude – Glad Not To Be Married Series

Creepizoids Weirdos and Perverts on Dating Sites

Creepizoids Weirdos and Perverts on Dating Sites

I saw this on (Link): Single Steve’s blog – he had an unfortunate experience with eHarmony.

Well, who hasn’t, other than that one anecdotal story you always hear from your married friends who tell you,
“Oh cheer up, I’m sure you’ll meet a great guy! My friend Bertha met her husband Ralph on eHarmony! Have you thought of eHarmony!?”

Here’s the comment on Single Steve’s blog, by Amanda:

    Amanda January 26, 2011 at 4:49 pm

I met the urinator on eHarmony.

They should have that as one of their levels of compatibility. Do you enjoy being peed on?

They should also have the question Do you enjoy people with no personality? During 99% I would have rather been at work.

That’s right, when you join dating sites, you do meet weirdos like “the urinator.”

I met a few on dating sites. (Other types of weirdos that is, not specifically urinators.)

You married people out there need to remember that dating sites are not a magical solution to getting dates or a spouse. There are weirdos and perverts on Yahoo! Personals, Plenty of Fish, eHarmony, Match, and rapists on Christian Mingle.

Some of the men who say they are Christian on those sites behave like no such thing.

I’ve had “Christian” men contact me on dating sites who ask for sex up front, or list sexual preferences up front, make crude jokes, or else have vulgar comments or sexual jokes on their profiles.

Clue time: if you would not state your sexual preferences the first time you meet a woman – say you walk up to her at a bar, or it’s a blind date you were set up with – you would NOT mention sex on a first date. Why the hell would you think it’s proper or appropriate to do this on a dating site profile, or the first 2 or 3 exchanges on a dating site? It is not.

Related posts this blog:

(Link): Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.

(Link): Beware of Rapists on Dating Sites

(Link): More 40-Something Single Women Falling Prey to Dishonest or Violent Men in Dating (says report)

(Link): Men Posting Profiles on Dating Sites Could Use Some Tips (from Dear Abby column)

(Link): Police urge caution when using dating websites / Murderers on Dating Sites


Only 1 in 5 Americans Believe in Complete Evolution Without God – New Poll

Only 1 in 5 Americans Believe in Complete Evolution Without God – New Poll

(Link): Only 1 in 5 Americans Believe in Complete Evolution Without God – New Poll

This is only part of the article:

    By Katherine Weber, Christian Post Reporter
    July 23, 2013|7:34 pm

    A new poll indicates that only one in five Americans believe in evolution without the guidance of God, while a majority at 62 percent believe God played some role in human creation.

    The results come from a recent YouGov poll, which was conducted among 1,000 participants in the U.S. from July 8 to 9 and questioned peoples’ views on the origins of humans.

    The poll asked the question “Which of the following statements comes closest to your views on the origin of human beings,” with 21 percent answering “Human beings evolved from less advanced life forms over millions of years, and God did not directly guide this process.”

    A total of 62 percent answered that God had a hand in human creation, with only 27 percent saying “Human [beings] evolved from less advanced life forms over millions of years, but God guided this process.”
    In addition, 55 percent said, “God created human beings in their present form within the last ten thousand years.”

Motherhood and Bay-bee Obsession Courtesy the Brits

Motherhood and Bay-bee Obsession Courtesy the Brits

As an American, I’ve been exposed this past week or so with motherhood and bay-bee obsession. Yes, Americans worship motherhood, marriage, and babies. (At least the ones who don’t rabidly support or get abortions.)

(Link): Royal baby: Why George Alexander Louis?

(Link): Kate and William bring home royal baby boy

    By Laura Smith-Spark and Matt Smith, CNN
    updated 9:20 PM EDT, Tue July 23, 2013

    Kate and William bring home royal baby boy

    They looked like “a normal couple” as they left the hospital, one bystander said.

    Of course, most normal couples don’t have a crowd of reporters, photographers and random well-wishers waiting for them to show off their new baby.

    Prince William and Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge, emerged from St. Mary’s Hospital in London on Tuesday evening to give the public its first view of the new heir to the British throne, joking that the still-unnamed boy had more hair than his father. Catherine and William took turns holding the child, wrapped in a cream-colored blanket, as they waved to well-wishers outside.

Famous Married Political Guy In Trouble For Sex Stuff Again

Famous Married Political Guy In Trouble For Sex Stuff Again

Typical married Christian thought process:
Those single Christians are such fornicators! Married people are so much more pure and godly! Married people never sexually sin!

Your wake up call:

Another Married Guy Caught Being a Sexified Pervy Perv

(Link): Anthony Weiner refuses to quit NY mayor race over new sexting scandal

    July 24, 2013

    Anthony Weiner, the married US politician trying to resurrect his career after resigning from Congress in a “sexting” scandal, has been forced to admit that he engaged in fresh explicit online exchanges with a young woman under the pseudonym “Carlos Danger”.

    The recipient the latest batch of lewd online messages and naked photographs said that the steamy exchanges, which included an offer from “Carlos Danger” to rent her an apartment in Chicago for sexual encounters, took place between July and November last year. That was more than a year after his spectacular fall from grace and seven months after Miss Abedin gave birth to the couple’s first child.
    She provided screen grabs of the exchanges to The Dirty, a nightlife website, but said that she had not been paid and wanted to remain anonymous. “I just want to clarify that although I was 22 and technically an adult, I was obviously immature and I acted irresponsibly,” she said.
    The young woman was reported last night to be a liberal activist from Indiana who identified herself online as “Sydney Leathers” and had worked as field organiser for President Barack Obama’s political campaign. In old blog postings, she had described Mr Weiner as a “hero” and said she did not think he should have resigned from Congress.

    Mr Weiner insisted that his online misdemeanours were now entirely behind him. “These things that I did were wrong and hurtful to my wife and caused us to go through challenges in our marriage that extended past my resignation from Congress,” he said.

(Link): Weiner, with wife at side, says lewd exchanges happened after resignation

(Link): Anthony Weiner admits he sent more lewd messages, used pseudonym ‘Carlos Danger’

Anti Virginity Moore Opines on Dirty Web Sites * Irony Alert *

Anti Virginity Moore Opines on Dirty Web Sites

Editorial hosted on two sites:

(Link 1): AROUSING OURSELVES TO DEATH Porn Is Ravaging Our Churches by Russell D Moore

A copy is here:
(Link 2): What’s At Stake With Internet Pornography, by Russell D Moore

The timing of this Moore editorial appearing today is pretty funny, considering I just did this post about two or three days ago:

(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

I’m trying to reconcile how a guy (Moore) who makes light of virginity and sexual purity can write an editorial making a big to-do out of people who have web porn addictions. (He depicts the typical porn addict as male, when, as I’ve cited in previous posts, it’s on the rise among women.)

Before I provide you with excerpts from Moore’s anti web porn editorial (you will have to use the links above if you wish to read the entire editorial), I wanted to quote from this page about a Christian demonologist.

You may ask yourself, “What does demonology have to do with internet pornography?”

Not a lot, I guess, but that’s not my point.

A Christian can sit there and be, let’s say, 90% biblical on their view points, and insist they are totally biblical in their views on Topic X, but when you look at their views on 10% of other stuff, their 10% nullifies the 90%, or their screwy 10% cancels out their claim to be biblical on Topic X.

Here’s an example:

    Some of what Larson [the demonologist] has to say about demonology is biblically based and has likely been of help to those searching for sound teaching on the subject. For this he is to be commended.

    For example, Larson teaches that demons are fallen angels,18 possessed of all the attributes of personal beings, including will, emotion, and intellect.19

    As fallen angels, Larson correctly notes, “demons are noncorporeal spirits,”20 that is, they are immaterial creatures with no extension in space,21 possessing no mass.22

    To his credit, Larson explodes the myth that Satan is the infinite, omnipotent, and omnipresent counterpart of God. In no uncertain terms, Larson affirms that Satan is finite,23 unable to forcibly coerce individuals to sin against their will,24 and limited to operating in one place at one time.25

    While these teachings are certainly biblical, Larson nullifies them when he recounts his personal experiences with alleged demons. This penchant for inconsistency is evident throughout Larson’s teaching, and it is common for him to espouse both sound and sensationalistic statements on the same topic.

    For instance, while Larson rightly asserts that demons are noncorporeal beings, he also teaches they manifest themselves physically.26

    According to Larson, most of these occurrences border on nuisance, such as when demons have crank-called those to whom Bob was ministering deliverance;27 yet Larson believes some crafty demons have gone so far as to duplicate his own physical appearance, masquerading as Larson himself in order to obstruct genuine exorcisms.28

    Source: (Link): An Examination of the Teachings of Bob Larson

Here is my point. As Bob Larson is to spiritual warfare/ demonology, Russell D. Moore is to virginity/sexual purity and sexual sin.

It’s fine to say on the one hand that fornication is condemned in the Bible, but to also chastise a Christian virgin for being upset her sweetie pie may not also be one, shows a level of disdain or disrespect for the biblical standard of sexual purity.

You cannot be all that terribly committed to sexual purity if you scold a virginal woman for being upset her honey pie may not also be a virgin when they marry.

You can say you support virginity until the cows come home, but I’m not going to be completely convinced when you then turn around the next moment and tell a virgin who is disappointed her boyfriend is not one that she is idolizing virginity, or is “being prideful,” or should just let it go (if he “repented”), because “we’re all sinners.”

Here are selected quotes from the Moore anti porn editorial – it is also troubling that he reads too much into the “married couples and married sex is an analogy to the church’s relationship to God” view:

    Porn Is Ravaging Our Churches
    by Russell D Moore

    …Beyond that is an even greater mystery still. The Apostle Paul tells us that human sexuality is not arbitrary, nor is it merely natural.

    It is, he reveals, itself an icon of God’s ultimate purpose in the gospel.

    The one-flesh union is a sign of the union between Christ and his Church (Eph. 5:22–33). If human sexuality is patterned after the very Alpha and Omega of the cosmos, no wonder it is so difficult to restrain. No wonder it seems so wild.

    …We agree with those-often even secular feminists with whom we disagree on much-who say that a pornographic culture hurts women and children through the objectification of women, the trafficking of children, and the commodification of sex.

    ..Sham Repentance

    This means that our churches cannot simply rely on accountability groups and blocking software to combat this scourge. We must see this as darkly spiritual and, first and foremost, reclaim a Christian vision of human sexuality.

    ..But it [sex] is also intended to bring about new life. An incarnational picture of sexuality, rooted in the mystery of the gospel, is the furthest thing possible from the utilitarian ugliness of pornography.

    …Moreover, we must call for repentance in our own churches, and this will be more difficult than it sounds. Pornography brings with it a kind of sham repentance.

    … Typically, for those who identify as Christians, a pornographic episode is followed by a resolve “never to do it again.” Often these (again, typically) men promise to seek out some sort of accountability and leave it behind.

    But often this resolve is less about a convicted conscience than about a sated appetite.

    …Without genuine repentance, the cycle of temptation will grind on.

    Genuine Repentance

    Our churches must show what genuine repentance looks like.

    For some especially vulnerable members of our churches, this will mean giving up the use of home computers or of Internet technology altogether.

    … We must also empower women in our congregations to grapple as Christians with husbands enslaved to pornography. We believe, and have taught emphatically, that wives should submit to their husbands (Eph. 5:23). But, in Scripture and in Christian teaching, all submission (except to the Lord directly) has limits.

    The husband’s body, the Bible says, belongs to his wife (1 Cor. 7:4). She need not subject herself to being the physical outlet for her husband’s pornographically supplied fantasies.

I agreed with a few points he made, but not all.

I would like to remind anyone reading this: this editorial is yet another example that Christian married people are sexual sinners.

Churches usually regard singles as sexual sinners, but married people look at pornography and engage in other types of sexual sin.

Conservative Christian Think Tank Says: “Preach the Gospel of Marriage”

Conservative Christian Think Tank Says: “Preach the Gospel of Marriage”

This is stunning. You would think conservative Christians would at least pretend to care about Jesus, or to pretend that the Gospel is about Jesus, but look at this headline:

(Link) Female Policy Experts: To Help the Poor, Preach the Gospel of Marriage

Also, that headline reminds me of this Barna survey:
(Link): Creepy: ‘Barna: [Christian] Women Value Family Over Faith’

The “Gospel of Marriage?” I can’t say that I’m surprised. I just posted this a couple days ago:
(Link): (Articles) Marriage Rate At All Time Low

As soon as I saw those news stories a couple days ago saying that marriage rates are at an all-time low, I was wondering how long it would be before the Pat Robertsons and Heritage Foundations and Focus on the Families Christian groups would start issuing statements about how horrible it is, along with the requisite “blame the feminists, 1960s culture, and homosexuals” for hetero marriage declining. I am guessing this is just the first of more similar editorials to appear in the days and weeks to come.

Here are some excerpts – and I’ve just now skimmed down the page to see that yes, these people are blaming feminism (with a few additional comments by me below this, down this page):

Female Policy Experts: To Help the Poor, Preach the Gospel of Marriage

    By Tyler O’Neil , CP Contributor
    July 23, 2013|5:40 pm

    Female policy experts discussed the finding that women are breadwinners in four of ten American households but how that doesn’t necessarily mean their children are well supported financially or emotionally in a two-parent family, at the conservative Heritage Foundation on Tuesday.

    “Any conversation that we’re having about poverty has got to take into account marriage and the relationship between marriage and poverty,” said Jennifer Marshall, director of Domestic Policy Studies at the Heritage Foundation. She argued that, far from liberating women from oppressive marriages, the feminist movement has restricted many of them to a poorer social class.

    A Pew Research report from late May sparked the debate. Entitled “Breadwinner Moms,” the survey “really capitalized on this ‘You Go Girl,’ sentiment that is so prevalent in our culture today,” Marshall said. Despite the positive headline, the analyst broke down the report’s ugly details.

    While women do bring home the largest income in four of ten American households with kids under 18, only 15 percent of those households have a father. In the other 25 percent, a single mother brings home the bacon.

    Worse, Marshall argued, the median annual income of those single mothers only hits $23,000. Forty four percent of these mothers have never been married, and a third are not even working, but rely on welfare.

    “In the wake of the sexual revolution and the feminist movement, the path to marriage and to married family life is much more challenging,” said Marshall. She encouraged society and the church to focus on each individual woman’s flourishing in her own way, as opposed to a one-size-fits-all push for careers that boils down to “you go, girl!” [i.e, feminism]

    Churches are uniquely suited to address this issue, since they have “relational capital,” the Heritage scholar explained.

    Since marriage reduces the chance that a child will be poor by 80 percent, training for marriage should be a key part of a church’s outreach to the poor. “We need to be helping cultivate the skills for marriage in communities that are in need.”

    But preaching on this issue is far from easy, warned Kay Hymowitz, senior fellow at the Manahattan Institute, contributing editor of City Journal, and author of Marriage and Caste in America: Separate and Unequal Families in a Post-Marital Age. “The churches are often in a very difficult position because many of the parishioners are single parents,” she explained.

    … The major story “is less the rise of women and more the fall of low-income, less-educated men,” said blogger Cathy Reisenwitz. With the decline of manufacturing, more men struggle to make a living and provide for their families. “Women are taking the lead in their own lives because they have to.”

    …Mona Charen, a columnist at National Review and moderator of the panel, noted that strong marriages persist among more religious Americans. “To the degree that secularism replaced piety as the norm, we are seeing a collapse of this marriage culture which I think is so damaging to the country.”

About this:

    Churches are uniquely suited to address this issue, since they have “relational capital,” the Heritage scholar explained.

Surely you jest. And I apologize for calling you Shirely.

Churches cannot even get adult celibacy and adult singleness right – they shun and ostracize adult singles (and sometimes the divorced); so what in the hell makes these commentators think churches will be able to reach or to help convince teen-age or young 20-something single mothers to marry?

About this comment from the article:

    In the other 25 percent, a single mother brings home the bacon. Worse, Marshall argued, the median annual income…

Note the use of the word “worse,” as if to suggest the previous fact – mothers “bringing home the bacon” is wrong or bad – folks, this ain’t 1954 anymore.

Women do not have to stay at home and only be a wife and mother if they do not choose to do so. This is the reality we are in today. If a woman genuinely wants to be a stay at home wifey and mommy, I don’t oppose that. But some women don’t find either role appealing, or due to economic pressure, cannot afford to stay at home and getting a job becomes a necessity.

The Bible does not say women are limited only to wife and mommy roles, even though back when the Bible was written, those were the only roles pretty much available to women, outside of home business owners, or being a prostitute.

A lot of Christians assume that because all the Bible usually mentions are wives and mommies (there are exceptions mentioned in the Bible, such as warrior women, female Apostles – research ‘Junia,’ etc), but by and large, because society was patriarchal, women did not have too many options available other than wife and motherhood… so, the Christian gender complementarians wrongly assume that those must be the only roles God considers acceptable for women.

Today, a woman can become a police officer, computer programmer, brain surgeon, auto mechanic, lawyer, and other sorts of occupations that did not even exist 2,000 – 5,000 years ago.

About this:

    Mona Charen, a columnist at National Review and moderator of the panel, noted that strong marriages persist among more religious Americans. “To the degree that secularism replaced piety as the norm, we are seeing a collapse of this marriage culture which I think is so damaging to the country.”

It is constantly assumed that Christian women are choosing to remain single, which is how I take her comment that “the marriage culture has collapsed,” as though women are intentionally setting out to do this. Plenty of Christian women want to get married, but there exists no single male Christians to marry.

Marriage has not “collapsed,” not among Christians, but is simply not taking place. These articles and editorials seem to assume that Christians these days hate marriage, do not wish to be married, and are thrilled to remain single, when none of that is the case.

The problem is not that Christian singles don’t want to get married but that they cannot find someone to marry.

Anyway, I am troubled by the turn of phrase “Preach the Gospel of Marriage.” There is no “Gospel of Marriage” taught in the Bible, only the “Gospel of Jesus Christ.”

If you are a Christian, don’t you think it’s more important for a young, Non Married single mother to find Christ as savior, than to lecture her on how supposedly oh so badly she needs a husband?
Related posts this blog:

(Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link): Focus on Family spokesperson, Stanton, actually says reason people should marry is for ‘church growth’

(Link): Christian TV Personality / Preacher ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Singlehood Singles Bias Prejudice Making Idol out of Marriage

(Link): Singles in the Church by Dave Faulkner / Also: Isolated: single Christians feel unsupported by family-focused churches (article / survey)

(Link): Response to the Hemingway Editorial ‘Fecundophobia’ – conservatives and Christians continue to idolize children, marriage – which is unbiblical

(Link): According to Pastor ( Jimmy Evans ) It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk

(Link): Good Grief! Five Million Dollar Family Idoltary on Display: Focus on the Family Launches $5 Million Project Targeting Family Breakdown, Social Ills – Please, when you say you support marriage, be honest about what you REALLY mean

Why women are terrible at accepting compliments (article)

Why women are terrible at accepting compliments (article)

(Link): Why women are terrible at accepting compliments

    Diane Mapes TODAY

    “When someone tells me something good about myself, I always have a reason why they’re wrong,” she says. “I think we all feel ‘less than’. Less than what we should have been. Less than what we thought we were going to be. Or we listened to people who said we were less than. This is a big issue with women.”

    Renee Engeln, a psychology professor at Northwestern University in Evanston, Ill., says it has to do with the mixed messages women receive about what behaviors are desirable or acceptable.

    “[We’re told] love yourself, but not too much. Be confident, but practice a style of humility this culture never requires of men. Believe in yourself, but never admit it out loud, lest you make another woman who doesn’t feel good about herself feel bad,” she says. “If you’re raised to think it’s arrogant to ever say something positive about yourself, it makes it hard to accept a compliment.”

    As for the self-loathing one-upsmanship, she says that has more to do with trying to convince others we’re better at humility.

    …Women receive one set of messages telling them to love themselves, to accept themselves and to look in the mirror and see how beautiful they are, to know their worth and lean in and ask for what they want, she says.

    “But we still live in a world that isn’t quite comfortable with women who do acknowledge their worth,” she says. “We see them as arrogant and often as unfeminine.”

    Men, on the other hand, aren’t held to the same standards. “Men don’t care so they don’t do it,” agrees Maisonneuve. …

    Also a good thing: Schumer’s message, says Engeln.

    “It’s a message from women to women that says ‘Let’s stop this nonsense,’” she says. “What comes out of our mouths matters. What we say affects what we think and how we behave. One of the best things we can model for girls and young women is how to accept a compliment with tact and grace.”

Misogynistic Christian Single Guy Blog – Keeping Singles Single Re Frank Swift of Geek in the Wilderness

Misogynistic Christian Single Guy Blog – Keeping Singles Single | Re: Frank Swift of Geek in the Wilderness Blog

The individual who heads the blog “A Geek in the Wilderness,” who writes under the name “Frank Swift,” laments the situation of singles in the church, but his views on marriage, singleness, and genders are not only contributing to his own lasting singleness, but his are some of the same mindsets the church at large has as well, and which are making marriage for Christians more difficult.

In other words, Mr. Swift is himself supporting the very marriage and prolonged singleness problems he is so upset about.

Before I continue further, the blog in question is located here:

(Link): A Geek in the Wilderness ( ), and again, the guy’s screen name is “Frank Swift.”

The tagline of his blog is

    “One geek/nerd hybrid journeys through history and the world in an epic search for truth, justice… and great pizza.”

I like pizza, but I can tell you after exchanging a few posts with this guy, he is not very interested in truth.

Swift does not seem open to having his views about gender roles and women questioned. A guy who is in search of truth would be open to re-examining his views, I would think.

Swift keeps parroting the same unproven, unfounded, unbiblical assumptions about women over and over in his replies to me.

I’ve directed him a few times to the (Link): Christians For Biblical Equality site (see Resources > Free Articles) and a few others, such as (Link): Under Much Grace.

I do credit Swift with initially allowing a few of my posts to stand on his blog (I myself don’t do that too much with this blog, since I use it to vent, not to debate).

I was polite in my initial batch of posts, despite Swift’s insufferable, obnoxious sexism on display. He has since replied to a few of those posts and has injected ad hominem into the replies (more about that below).

Mr. Swift’s blog first caught my attention when I was searching for material about Christian singles.

One of his pages turned up in the results, and it was this one:

(Link): How churches today abandoned the Christian single

Aspects of that page were interesting, but some of his views were troubling, such as this (Link): (Source):

    A marriage and family successfully functioning as one cohesive unit provides the skillset needed to run a church as one cohesive unit.

One does not have to be married to have have the skills or competence to “run a church” as “one cohesive unit.”

Some churches have in fact hired un-married men who are in their 30s who successfully ran the churches, though an un-married serving as pastor is very rare, as most churches are heavily biased against unmarried people. But it has happened on occasion, and the un-married were successful in their position.

The Bible does contain commentary along the lines that if a man is married, that he ought to have but one wife and other such qualifications(*), but the Bible does not exclude singles from leadership positions, as Swift believes.
*((Link): What does the “husband of one wife” phrase in 1 Timothy 3:2 mean? Can a divorced man serve as a pastor, elder, or deacon?)

The Bible places singleness on the same level of acceptance to God, and the same level of importance of singleness, as it does marriage, and at some points, the Apostle Paul writes singleness may be preferable to marriage because an unmarried person has more undivided attention than a married person.

None of that is to say that a single who wants to get married is sinning.

There is nothing sinful or selfish about wanting to get married, and other Christians need to stop discouraging and shaming Christians for wanting to get married, by saying things such as, “stop making marriage an idol,” “Jesus is all you need,” and so on, and by refusing to pray for singles, and such.

I explained to this Swift guy in one of my posts on his “Geek in the Wilderness” blog that the church has turned marriage and the nuclear family into an idol (with the “nuclear family” being an invention of 1950s American television programming; it is not quite a “biblical” presentation of family).

I gave Swift Bible verses on his blog where Jesus Christ said that Christians are not to put flesh and blood family before spiritual brothers and sisters in Christ.
(I have many blog pages about this topic, such as these two: (Link): The Bible Does Not Teach Christians to “Focus On The Family” – The Idolization of Family by American Christians (article), and (Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t)

This all seems to fall on deaf ears with this guy.

He, like a lot of conservative Christians, continue to make secular feminism into the “boogey man” and the root of all ills in American culture, which it is not.

I am only surprised that Swift did not drag up the other favorite scapegoat and punching bag of evangelicals and conservative Christians: homosexuals, or the legalization of homosexual marriage.

To recap for anyone who is new to this blog: I myself am right wing, vote Republican, am a social conservative (and so I do not support homosexuality). For many years, I was a devout Christian. (I am by no means a left winger who embraces all views of secular feminism or the Democratic Party.) You can read more about my background and views on this blog’s “About Me” page.

Where Mr. Swift got rude, sexist, and very obnoxious with me was in this thread (I have not yet checked to see if he left me comments in the other thread):

(Link): Single ladies, I’m ready to provide, are you ready to cook?

In that thread, and a few others I glanced over, he continually makes all manner of unfounded assumptions about about women in general, such as this quote:

    Women likewise are more effective caretakers and nurturers because of the experience of raising their own children…

The Bible simply does not rigidly define gender roles or say that God designed women to be “nurturers” and males “leaders.”

Women have been socialized by secular society, parents, and churches, to be passive, sweet, submissive, cookie bakers; it’s not they these qualities are necessarily intrinsic to women.

I am a woman, but I was always a tom boy growing up. I preferred climbing trees, wearing converse sneakers, and watching Bat Man.

I hated pink clothing, wearing dresses, playing with Barbie dolls, and sitting around quietly as a kid. I wanted to go on adventures and have fun.

I had little interest in taking on Biblical or stereotypical “feminine” roles – which equated to being quiet, passive, sitting still, and playing with Barbie dolls.

People do not neatly fall into gender-defined boxes and patterns, no matter how badly you want them to.

I cited, for Swift, examples from the Bible of women who were ordained by God to lead men and women, to teach men (such as Apostle Junia, Deborah in the Old Testament, etc).

I at first was going to link to Mr. Swift’s page about singleness with a recommendation for it.

However, Swift, who makes himself out to be a Christian single, he is very sexist, Misogynistic, anti-singlehood, rude, condescending, and bitter (really, he is – I know a lot of married Christians try to shut down singles who want to air legitimate grievances by calling them “bitter,” but if you read through this guy’s blog, particularly his comments to me, he comes off as quite bitter).

I’m not sure of Swift’s age, but he seems to be in his early or mid 20s, very little life experience is evidenced, very narrow views of how life and relationships ‘should’ be, or how he thinks women “should” be permeate his thoughts.

Here is the first thread of Swift’s blog where I left several comments last night – initially, all my blog posts on his blog went through instantly, but now he has them set to moderation:

(Link) Single ladies, I’m ready to provide, are you ready to cook?

As I explained in a post on Swift’s page (“Single ladies, I’m ready to provide, are you ready to cook?”), I suppose there is nothing wrong with a man having a personal preference for a more demure, passive type partner…

Nor is it necessarily wrong, I guess, if both a man and a woman fully consent to enter a marriage based on a 1950s “Ward and June Cleaver” model, where the husband works all day and the wife stays at home all day baking bread.

However, these days, that sort of lifestyle is not achievable for most people; it takes two incomes, the man and women working, to pay the bills.

Anyway, my problem with this guy is mostly his tone. He demands that all women every where, or any women who enters his life, live by his very rigid gender roles.

He comes off as being very controlling.

I tried to explain to this guy that if he does not re-evaluate and re-consider his attitudes towards women, he will either

1. remain single a very long time (or forever), or

2. will attract only emotionally damaged women

And usually, in scenario 2, such women may develop severe depression and anxiety, and a divorce by either spouse may be a result.

Women who have depression (and / or anxiety) often cannot function. They cannot perform daily chores or tasks, or so much as get out of bed daily and brush their teeth, let alone dust the furniture, cook, do laundry, etc., because their mental health problems prohibit it.

As people grow older, they change over time: their personality, or desires in life, or goals. This is a FACT of life this guy denied, if I remember right.

The person you are when you are at 40 years old is not the same person you are when you were 20. (I’m not even the same now as I was just three years ago.) This ‘changing with age’ business is especially true FOR WOMEN.

That is, you can start out a marriage when you are 25 years of age to a submissive, passive wife, but as she grows older and gains more life experience, she may change her mind about various things – including you.

She may tire of playing the submissive role and demand a change, or she may just decide to divorce.

In a comment to another woman on his blog, Swift said he is advocating submission for any woman he marries, not slavery or being a doormat.

I told Swift that his views on “submission” read the same to me as sexism or slavery. I honestly did not see much of a difference and still do not.

This guy is so incredibly condescending towards me and other females who visit his blog, he will never get a girlfriend, much less get married.

Continue reading “Misogynistic Christian Single Guy Blog – Keeping Singles Single Re Frank Swift of Geek in the Wilderness”

Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

Single Adults Why They Stay and Why They Stray (from church) Book Excerpts

Note: several questionable people have roles in this book, in the form of editing, or as contributors, such as…
-neither is “biblical counseling,” yet Edward T. Welch, who is a “biblical counselor” also had some kind of role in this book,
– a gender complementarian, Wayne Grudem; gender complementarianism (Link): is not biblical
-C. J. Mahaney – accused of being involved in a ten year cover up of child sexual abuse at his churches,

so I offer this link with a caveat.

The author of the particular chapter I am quoting seems okay, and I don’t see too much that I disagree with in his chapter.

What is really funny is that this book (I’m not sure when it was published, I am just now finding it today), echoes many of the things I’ve said on this blog before.

Edit: this book was published in 2003, but this is the first I am seeing it, or reading excerpts from it. It is incredible how the author noticed most of the same disturbing anti-singles views and trends that I have in this blog the last three years.

As I am a NEVER MARRIED woman, I am not going to present the full section under “divorce” in the chapter. You can visit the link to read it if you want.

The following is available for free on Google Books (this particular book is entitled “Pastoral Leadership for Manhood and Womanhood”) :

(Link): Single Adults in Your Ministry: Why They Stay and Why They Stray
by Dick Purnell

… Do you know how many single adults sit in your congregation each Sunday? Recently I was speaking in a church to three thousand people. I asked for all the people who were unmarried and twenty-two years old or older to stand up. Over a thousand people stood up! The audience was surprised and gasped at the large number…

Do you realize that the number of single adults in America exceeds the total national population of all but eleven of the world’s 192 nations? How shocked would you be to discover that the number of single parents is greater than the entire population of Colorado and Tennesse combined?

According to the 2000 U.S. census 40 percent of all adults eighteen and older (forty-eight million) are single. We are seeing a tremendous shift in American social values.

The median age of a first-time marriage is now twenty-five among women and twenty-seven among men. The fastest growing family type is single parents.

If your church is in an urban area, the percentage of single adults near you is much higher than a rural area. Singles gravitate to the cities for jobs, things to do, and others to meet. They are searching for connection and community.

They are often afraid of loneliness, commitment, and isolation. Most of those under thirty have never been married. The average age of a married person’s first divorce is thirty-four. That means after years of marriage, they are thrown back into the dating scene. They feel awkward and unprepared. They face the same relationship challenges that teens face, but they feel out of place.

One woman said to me, “I am now single, but I feel married. I don’t want to be single, but that was forced on me.” They have been out of the dating world for so long that they have very little idea what to do. And no one is helping them or even having a discussion about some of these issues.

Most singles are invisible to churches.

… They represent every economic stratum you can imagine – everything from presidents of major corporations to the unemployed and all in between. Fifty-three percent of all unchurched adults are single.

But our churches are built on a mind-set of marriage, and singles are often neglected. They are the “Great Invisible Mission Field.” However, businesses are very aware of singles. If you look at the advertising on television or in magazines, you will find that a huge number of ads are geared to attract single people.

Sports clothing, beer, cell phones, and a myriad of other products are marketed to singles. They have the largest amount of discretionary income. But the church in general has a difficult time attracting them and capturing their attention and commitment.

Many single adults believe that the church excludes and ignores them. They feel like the church is either neglecting them or is just not interested in them. So single adults vote with their feet. They come to church for a few months or years; but when their needs are not addressed or they never hear a sermon addressed to their unique issues, they fade away and go somewhere else – or stop going to church altogether. They hear sermons preached on topics such as “How to be a Godly Husband” or “Becoming a Godly Wife.” But they have never heard a sermon on “How to be a Godly Single Adult.”

… [Singles] don’t stay because there is no emotional glue to keep them there. They are not the “squeaky wheel” that is going to ask the pastor to give a sermon directed toward them or to pound on the door of the budget meeting pressuring for more funding. They just fade away.

Are you desperate to attract single adults to your ministry and get them involved? Here is my top ten list on “Why Single Adults Are Turned Off by the Church.”

Number 10: Frivolous jokes degrade the single lifestyle.
Grandparents, pastors, and married friends all have jokes about singles. All the married people laugh, but the single buries the snub under a weak smile.

I was single for forty-two years. When I served as an assistant pastor in my middle thirties, I heard lots of good-natured jokes, but often the ribbing was not funny to me. “Hey, are you afraid to take the responsibility for a mate?” Here I was in charge of several significant ministries in the church, and they tell me I’m afraid to take responsibility?

“Maybe you are just too picky. Are you looking for a perfect wife?” In other words, if you lower your standards you may get somebody.

“You’re not getting any younger, you know.” That was supposed to pressure me to get moving? Sometimes I would get the big one: “What are you waiting for?” Like I better hurry up before I miss the “right one.” But isn’t there a sovereign God? His timing may not be my timing – or the timing of the people who ask me to hurry up.

In trying to encourage me, people would give what I call romantic testimonies: “I finally gave everything to God, and six months later I found the right one.” But I was forty years old and had been a full-time minister for over fifteen years.

Was there something I had not given up to God that some married twenty-year-old ha already given up to God? All the marriage formulas that people give singles may be individual experience they had, but those formulas are not normative for all believers. Why should I seek the holy grail of marriage if God wants me to be content in every situation?

After four years as a pastor, I resigned from my church. Even though I was no longer was the pastor, I continued to attend the church. A single female friend of mine from Kansas came to our city one weekend to visit some of her college buddies. I brought her to the 11 A.M. church service. As we were walking down the aisle, an elderly usher led us to a front row for seating. The organ was softly playing and everybody was kind of quiet. When we stopped to turn into the row, he handed my friend a bulletin and said to me loudly so most of the people could hear, “Hey Dick, when are you going to marry her?” I wanted to die right there, but first I wanted to punch his lights out.

These kinds of jokes will not attract singles to your church! No way! They degrade single life as if the only bright future is for married people. That idea is not found in the Bible. Even the apostle Paul stated that an unmarried person can have undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Cor. 7:32-35). He did not consider singleness a joking matter.

Number 9: Church leadership is mainly interested in the interests and needs of married people.
The pastor and leaders are usually all married with very little significant empathy or understanding of the unique needs and concerns of single adults.

Single Christians are rarely eligible to be members of the governing board. There are very few single senior pastors. The silent criterion of marriage eliminates singles from serving in many aspects of the typical church. If you carry that to a logical conclusion, the Apostle Paul would not be qualified to be a pastor or elder. Even Timothy would be shut out of the opportunity for leadership.

After four years as an assistant pastor, I wanted to become a senior pastor. I had a total of fifteen years experience in the ministry and two Master’s degrees. However, when I sent in my resumes, not one church ever asked me to candidate, because I had to write on the front page of the resume my marital status: “Single.” Who wants a senior pastor who is single?

It was a bitter experience. I was unqualified to be a senior pastor of a church because I did not have the “Mrs.” degree. Many men graduating from seminary have tremendous pressure put on them. If they want to rise above the level of youth pastor, they must be married. Why is marriage the unspoken golden key that unlocks the door to pastor advancement?

Number 8: Budgeted funds for single ministry are usually inadequate or nonexistent.
Many churches don’t budge anything for singles. When the churches that have budgeted some funds for singles ministry must cut the budget somewhere, the singles ministry often is the one that gets the ax. “Singles are adults – they can handle it,” the budget committee says. But the message that gets across is, “You are not as important as other people in our church.”

… The message the singles hear is loud and cleaer: “You are the lowest on the totem pole. Your needs come last. You are not worth our paying a minister who can meet your needs.” Therefore, singles respond with their feet. They say, “I’m out of here.”

Number 7: Singles feel the church neglects them.
They feel like barnacles on the side of the church ship – there but forgotten. Marriage is espoused as the norm, and singles just don’t fit the model.

I have conducted over three hundred single adult conferences throughout America, Canada, and twelve other countries. Yet only nine senior pastors stopped by to observe and/or greet the crowd.

The even was in their church, in their building, and these are adults. I remember each of the nine because they are so rare….

Number 6: There is a perception that single adults are morally loose.

If a person is not married by mid-twenties, there is something wrong, it is generally thought. A particular church was in the process of trying to hire a youth pastor. Since they could not find one for over a year, they held a congregational meeting to explain the progress they were making. The elder in charge presented all kinds of reasons for the delay in locating the right person for the position. At the end of his explanation, I stopped up and asked, “Does the person you are looking for have to be married?”

You could have heard a pin drop on the carpet. People gasped. It was the unthinkable question. The elder hemmed, and he hawed, and he slithered all over the platform. All I wanted was a yes or no. He was very obviously unnerved by my question. Finally some lady in the very back said, “What we need is a role model for the young girls. So I think he should be married.”

“You mean to tell me, in this entire congregation there is not one woman who’s a role model for the girls?” Silence.

“I tell you what I think the real reason is. You are afraid that a single pastor would be sexually frustrated and have sex with one of the teenage girls. Out of all the pastors I have known personally, four have had affairs and left the ministry in disgrace. Each of them was married. Almost all the other pastors I have read about in magazines and books who have committed adultery were married. True, married people do not have a corner on the market in becoming immoral. But you should not be prejudiced against a single adult simply because he is single.”

I tried to tell them that some of the best youth pastors in America are single. I wasn’t a very popular guy after that. The elders eventually hired a youth pastor. Yes, he was married.

Some churches won’t allow singles to teach Sunday school for fear these men and women will succumb to sexual temptation. That is unfounded fear. We all need the power of God to overcome temptation. Don’t single out single people as the most likely to succumb. That is unfair and inaccurate. Single adults want to be respected and trusted. Let them show by their faithfulness that they have a genuine relationship with God.

Number 5: Marriage is portrayed as normal for everybody.
If someone is not married by thirty something, there must be something wrong with him or her.

Continue reading “Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts”

Married People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Spouses With Dementia / Married People Who Are Lonely

Married People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Spouses With Dementia / Married People Who Are Lonely

I included this in my previous post but felt it was worthy to stand on its own. This fits in with another old post,
(Link): People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Death of a Spouse

As I said in that post, people who are married are oblivious to how horribly singles are treated in general, but by churches and American Christianity specifically.

One of the things I mentioned is that if you are currently married, it would be in your best interest to advocate for the un-married NOW, so by the time your spouse drops dead of old age, getting hit by a car eight months from now, or from a heart attack five years from now, you won’t find yourself ignored or insulted by your church – which is the current state of affairs in most churches today for singles.

A lot of married Christians float through their married lives never realizing that people without partners are treated like chopped liver by churches.

I’ve seen several testimonies online and in books by married people who say once their spouse died, or they divorced, their former married friends instantly began excluding them from social functions and so on – and this includes “church” people and Christians.

Here is a British report detailing how wives with husbands who have dementia are functionally single:

(Link): The lonely generation: Late-life divorce. Husbands lost to dementia. Or marriages that are just empty shells

This is a long excerpt. If you want to read the whole page, please use the link above:

    Angela Townshend sleeps alone every night, wistfully recalling the not-so-distant time when she shared a bed with her husband, Ned. Where once she and Ned would have been engaged in spirited debates about theology, or mulling over the everyday events of family life, now she spends much of her day in silence.
  • The 64-year-old from Bath describes the loneliness she feels as ‘so intense it makes me impossibly sad to remember how idyllically happy we were’.
  • Angela is not, however, a widow. Her 70-year-old husband is still very much a physical presence and huge responsibility in her life. But serious illness means that the man she married 14 years ago — a second marriage for both of them — is long gone.
  • In 2006, Ned was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease and, four years later, with Lewy body dementia, which is closely associated with both Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s. Since then, the Townshends’ lives have changed beyond recognition and fallen into a familiar routine.
  • ‘Every morning a carer calls at our home to wash and dress my dear husband, but by 9 am he’s asleep again in the chair, leaving me with just my thoughts for company,’ explains Angela.
  • But family and friends have not been able to keep at bay the profound loneliness which has become the hallmark of her life. A friend who visited them for supper recently observed, after Ned [her husband] fell asleep in their company, that Angela has little by way of companionship.
  • Angela’s isolation in her marriage has become an insurmountable problem to which there is no end in sight.

Continue reading “Married People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Spouses With Dementia / Married People Who Are Lonely”

(Articles) Marriage Rate At All Time Low

(Articles) Marriage Rate At All Time Low

All I care to say about this newest report on marriage rates:

1. Many conservative Christians will incorrectly assume that the reason all or most women over the age of 35 remain single is because they choose to be – which is not true.
Many Christian women desired to get married, but there were no single Christian males available, or they did not get any marriage proposals.

2. Christians will choose to complain that the decline of marriage rates can be blamed on feminism (or something like that), and complain about feminism (or whatever societal change), rather than help singles actually get married.
They will shake their fist in anger at declining marriage rates but tell an unmarried person who approaches them for help with being set up on dates, or for prayer to get a spouse:
“Stop it, be content in your singleness, stop idolizing marriage.”

(Link): Marriage Rate is Lowest it’s Been in a Century at 31 Percent

(Link): The Average Age of an American Bride Is…. [27 and getting higher]

(Link): The Disestablishment of Marriage

This next link is from a conservative Roman Catholic news site, so you can predict their spin on this newest finding – the author assumes women are voluntarily dismissing marriage.

There is no understanding among most Christians that there are thousands of Christian singles who want marriage, but they are not meeting eligible partners. Here’s the link to the Roman Catholic news site:

(Link): Time to reverse a trend: marriage rates in the US

This next link is from a right wing, social conservative foundation, so you can guess what their views are on this marriage rate dip – note that a marriage rate dip is viewed as being negative for “families,” but these authors are never concerned or address the 45% of the U.S. population that is single:

(Link): Family Fact of the Week: What the Record-Low Marriage Rate Means for Americans’ Well-Being

Further notice that this page doesn’t give a rip about singles age 30 or higher, but only with the current 20 somethings (quote):

    Within the next two years, there will be a slight rise in the number of weddings as Millennials hit the marriage life stage, according to a recent study by Demographic Intelligence.

(Link): Marriage Is Changing in the US, and Not Just for Gay Couples

(Link): Why are fewer and fewer people getting married these days?

In Christian circles these days, you still get looked at strange if you are over 35 and never married. Quote:

    Brown says people are getting married later on in life because they want to pursue more education.

    “Increasingly, young adults are spending more time in school as they pursue college and advanced degrees,” she said. “This tends to delay family formation — whether childbearing, cohabitation, or marriage — as most people aim to achieve financial security prior to starting a family.”

    But Coontz says just because the marriage rate is going down, it doesn’t mean that people view it negatively — it just means there are more people who are fine with being single.

    And the overall flow of life has changed too, she says. There was a time that women were looked at strangely if they didn’t get married. But that isn’t the case anymore.

(Link): Why Fewer Women Getting Married

Continue reading “(Articles) Marriage Rate At All Time Low”

Evangelical Christian Woman to Appear on Cover of Playboy Magazine

Evangelical Christian to Appear on Cover of Playboy Magazine

(Link): Brazilian ‘Evangelical’ Model Under Fire for Deciding to Appear on Playboy Cover

She’s being criticized by some segments of American Christendom for this move. I have more comments below this:

    By Jessica Martinez, CP Contributor
    July 19, 2013|3:13 pm

    The Brazilian edition of Playboy magazine recently announced that a model who claims to be evangelical will be on the cover of its September issue.

    Aline Franzoi, who belongs to National Mission Evangelical Church in Brazil, was already under fire for being a ring girl for Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) competitions, which some consider to be a violent sport. But now news of her upcoming Playboy cover adds additional oil to the heat she has received over her career choices.

    According to her Facebook page, Franzoi responded in Portuguese yesterday to the recent backlash she has received over her decision to appear on Playboy.

    “About the issue regarding my religion that came out in headlines saying I am ‘Evangelical,’ this will be the first and only time I will speak about it. I never wanted to link information about my religion and work since they are different areas,” she wrote. “Journalists are the ones who link me with the title of ‘Evangelical, not Aline Franzoi’ but I’m sure everybody can differentiate it.”

    A Hispanic news site, Noticia Cristiana, reported that Franzoi told VIP, a Brazilian magazine, that she would not pose nude because she is evangelical. And prior to her most recent career controversy, Franzoi also told another Brazilian outlet, UOL, that she publicly displays her Christian faith in a bold manner.

    “I’m evangelical and use my Facebook to tell how much God was and is powerful in my life. And, anyway, what’s wrong with being ring girl? It is very concerning to know what is right and wrong, but in my view, God looks at our heart and our intention.”

    But her recent Facebook statement makes it unclear whether she considers herself an evangelical or not, and whether her opinion of appearing nude has changed.

    The founder of Actors, Models and Talent for Christ, a talent agency based in Georgia, finds Franzoi’s decision to appear in the men’s magazine disheartening.

    Continue reading “Evangelical Christian Woman to Appear on Cover of Playboy Magazine”

Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

(Note: the specific mentions of Moore and Kushiner and how both are attacking the Bible’s teachings on virginity / sexual purity come farther down in this opinion piece, after my introduction)

Jan 1 2015 update (Nov 2017 update way below):

I just noticed today that Moore has blocked me from his Twitter account, which I never followed to start with (the notice on his page says I cannot follow his Twitter feed, which I never did. I don’t know when he blocked me, but it was sometime over 2014).

I only tweeted at him a handful of times over 2014, with links to this blog page you are reading. And he blocked me over THAT?


Edit: See the update after you read this post: (Link): Anti Virginity Moore Opines on Dirty Web Sites * Irony Alert *

And related:

(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): Southern Baptists (who don’t TRULY support sexual purity) Announce 2014 Sex Summit


I am still amazed by emergents, liberal Christians, and even a strain of conservative Christians, who feel as though Christendom has made an “idol of virginity,” when I see so many self-professing Christians these days mocking or questioning the very concepts of virginity, celibacy, and sexual purity, concepts which are taught in the Bible.

Oh sure, I hear the occasional sermon on marriage where the preacher tosses out the obligatory “sex is for marriage only” sentiment (just today, TV preacher Jack Graham delivered such commentary in his broadcast sermon on marriage).

However, in practice and in reality, many Christians do not believe in virginity, celibacy, or sexual purity, and many of them do not practice it.

See: (Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity By extension, most Christians do not support Christian singles, who are told in the Bible to practice celibacy. Most Christians today, their churches and organizations, are too busy worshipping marriage and the traditional, nuclear family and lamenting the decay of “traditional marriage.”

Singles get overlooked in all the marriage and family worship, or all the hand-wringing over the fall of the nuclear family. Churches and the Christian community as a whole do not support Christians who are never- married, past the age of 30, and who are still virgins.

I became a Christian before reaching the age of ten (lately, though, I have considered leaving the faith, over the sex and singles issue, among other reasons). From a young age, I took Christianity and its teachings on sexual purity to heart.

I made a choice at very young age that I would wait until marriage to have sex. When you are below age 25, the church will applaud you for being a virgin.

Once you get to to your late 20s or into your 30s, the support you see in this area disappears. It dries up. (You will actually be attacked by Christians for being single and a virgin into your 30s and beyond.)

Other than Christianity, I did have one or two other reasons why I was determined to remain chaste (which I will not get into here).

My decision to remain chaste in adolescence coincides with the repeated sermonizing I heard in the 1980s and part of the 1990s of preachers ranting and raving against the sexual immorality of the day, and how a Christian should remain sexually pure. I also read the Bible as a teen, and I could not help but notice all the passages saying sex was for marriage only. I also heard or read works by authors such as Christian apologist Josh McDowell about how sex was for marriage only.

Works such as these, and sermons I heard, were one reason of several, I did not have sex.

Much of Christian dating, sex, and marriage articles and books I read as a teenager, and many of the sermons I heard on those topics, either stated out right, or implied very strongly, that if a Christian female remains sexually pure, seeks after God, stays skinny and pretty, prays to God, and has faith in God for a spouse, that God will send that young woman a “Christian Mr. Right” by the time she reaches mid or late 20s. I did all of those things and still find myself single in my early 40s.

I have seen other never-married Christian ladies in their 30s, 40s, and 50s give the same witness on other blogs: they too were sold a false bill of goods.

They were told by preachers, Christian relationship books and so forth, that if they trusted God for a spouse and did not have sex, that God would grant them, or reward them, with a spouse, and that the spouse would likely also be another Christian virgin.

However, in the last few years, I’ve seen Christians on TV shows, radio shows, and on blogs, declaring that all of us are sexual sinners (i.e. fornicators, who have literally had sexual intercourse).

Or, there is this understanding among some Christians that all people have had sex outside of marriage (or else are porn addicts), so, their philosophy is to present an “Easy Forgivism Sex Gospel” to soothe any guilt or shame feelings sexual sinners may have.

I find these constant appeals of “let sexual sinners off the hook and be all forgive-y to them, because all of us have sexual sin” confusing and discouraging, because I am in my early 40s and have not had sexual intercourse. It is simply not true that “all of us are fornicators.”

These easy forgivism attitudes towards sexual sin amounts to telling Christians they should not judge people’s sexual pasts, or hold their sexual pasts against them, nor should they adhere to biblical sexual standards, or expect others to live by them. Christians are further given the message – by other Christians – that they should not make an idol of virginity, and if you yourself have fornicated (had sex outside of marriage), to forgive yourself and move on.

The thinking is that nobody but nobody can hold out and resist sexual urges into their twenties and beyond, that we’re all guilty of fornicating, or habitually visiting X-rated sites.

Even though all of us are not guilty of these things – it is wrongly assumed all of us are, though.

The liberals and emergents think that Christians should cease with the virginity teachings and sexual purity teachings because some women, who chose to have sex as teens or as college students, feel guilty, ashamed, or dirty when they hear in sermons or Christian programs that sex outside of marriage is a sin.

Then your sexual abuse victims, who were fondled at age six by their Uncle Harry, say these sexual purity teachings hurt their feelings.

According to this “sensitive, delicate flower doctrinal” view point, Christians are to allow their emotions to dictate and influence which doctrines and morals Christians should accept, teach, and practice, and specifically, shame and guilt emotions should regulate how, when, or if biblical standards of sexual behavior are discussed, taught, or maintained.

Christian author and journalist Julia Duin is among one of the few who I’ve seen speak out or about the devaluing of sexual purity teachings and the mistreatment of Christian virgins.

Here is one post where Duin discussed the issue, and where she was rightfully critical of Russell D. Moore’s easy dismissal of virginity:

(Link): Where are America’s virgins? Discouraging the virtuous, by Julia Duin Here is an excerpt, the part where she mentions Moore:

    This past spring in Touchstone, a conservative Christian publication, Russell Moore, a Southern Baptist minister who is dean of Southern Seminary’s School of Theology in Louisville, penned “Like, A Virgin?” His essay criticized a chaste female who wanted her husband to be a virgin like she is. He hinted she was being unrealistic and judgmental for judging a potential mate on his sexual history rather than his Christian commitment. This hapless woman resisted the spirit of the age and yet, her Christian leader denigrated her values. So much for seeking out a pastor’s advice.

–end excerpt–

If I’m not mistaken, Duin was responding to this column by Moore (or one similar to it):

(Link): How Much Do I Need to Know About My Potential Spouse’s Sexual Past? My Response – By Russell Moore

That Duin piece above, was, in turn criticized by this James Kushiner guy:

(Link): Doesn’t Like “Like, a Virgin?” by James M. Kushiner

Here are excerpts from the page by Kushiner, who is critical of Duin for criticizing Moore’s views:

He [Moore] is clear throughout the article about the Christian teaching about sexual activity, that fornication is “damnable”, and the sad necessity that couples even have to have “the conversation,”….

–end excerpt–

The problem, my dear Mr. Kushiner, is that Christians speak out of both sides of their mouth on the celibacy and virginity and all related issues (eg, marriage/ singleness/ gender roles, etc etc). It’s all fine and good if Moore mentions in passing that ((Link): source)

    What’s important for you to know is how he [the letter writer’s fiance] views sexual immorality. A man who will brush off past fornication as “no big deal” from which he’s “moved on” is a man with a conscience trained to do the same thing with future adultery.

–end excerpt–

But then Moore’s next commentary betrays a true support of sexual purity when he condescendingly lectures this young woman that,

    On the other hand, your dismissing him automatically on the basis of immorality is also dangerous. If he is repentant, seeing his past sin as hell-deserving but crucified, then you should receive him (all else being equal), just as you have been received.
    You are not “owed” a virgin because you are.
    Your sexual purity wasn’t part of a quid pro quo in which God would guarantee you a sexually unbroken man.
    Your sexual purity is your obligation as a creature of God. And you have rebelled at other points, and been forgiven. If you believe the gospel, you believe the gospel for everyone, and not just for yourself.

–end excerpt–

It’s very easy for those who have fornicated themselves, or who are currently married (they were a virgin when they wed, but are currently getting their sexual needs met in marriage), and I am guessing Moore and Kushiner fall into either one of those groups, to be so blithe and dismissive of sexual sin, and/or to lecture a single virgin who wants marriage that it is selfish or unforgiving to be concerned about a potential partner’s sexual past or to desire a virgin to marry.

Really, Mr. Moore, if a person’s sexual past is basically “no biggie,” as you make it out to be (despite your “fornication is not good” spiel in the same column), and a person should just drop the matter and let it go as though it’s nothing, if the person has repented of it, what then, is the point in me personally staying a virgin?

The message I receive from these views is that I might as well be having sex right now with various men, or just one steady boyfriend, since according to Moore, if I do get a marriage proposal from a Christian man in the future, he should just overlook my fornication with some other guy. Continue reading “Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner”

Husband Has Penis Chopped off for Inter-faith Marriage – Glad to Be Single Series

Husband Has Penis Chopped off for Inter-faith Marriage – Glad to Be Single Series

There are occasions where being single doesn’t seem so bad. Like when reading stories like this……

(Link): Lebanon: Husband Has Penis Chopped off in Town Square for Inter-faith Marriage

    A Lebanese man has had his penis publically chopped off by his wife’s relatives, as punishment for the couple’s interfaith marriage.

The man, identified as Rabih Ahmed, reportedly belongs to the Sunni sect of Islam and his wife to the ultra-conservative Druze community, which is a religious minority in Lebanon.

Ahmed, 39, was taken to the Al-Shohar al-Gharbi Hospital in the Chouf district on Monday night. He was then transferred to the Rafik Hariri hospital in Beirut on Wednesday, after his condition stabilised.

Ahmad and his 19-year-old wife, Rudayna Melaab from Chouf’s Baysour village, eloped two weeks ago. However, they lied to her family and said Ahmad belonged to a Druze community from another town in the same district.

Melaab’s family initially believed the couple but realised they had been deceived a few days later. However, by that time the couple were living together in Tabarja, a coastal town.

After initially expressing anger and disapproval, the woman’s family then invited the couple home for dinner, pretending to reconcile with the couple and honour their marriage.

However, when the couple reached the woman’s home, her relatives attacked the man. Her brother, reportedly a soldier in the Lebanese Army, and other members of the family dragged Ahmad to the main square. It was there that Ahmad was set upon and brutalised.

According to local media, when Ahmed reached the hospital, his penis was missing and the testicles were ruptured. In an interview with Al-Jadeed TV on Tuesday, Ahmad identified the attackers as his wife’s father and brother, saying “they cut it off to set an example”.

Neither the woman nor her relatives have been seen since the attack, according to their neighbours.

The Druze community is known for an extreme protection of their faith, allowing neither conversions nor marriages outside their sect.

So the guy is 39, but his wife is 19? Dude, that is cradle robbing. Find a woman your own age to date and marry.

Related Posts:

(Link): Wife Accidentally Bites Off Her Husband’s Testicle

(Link):  Girlfriend, 26, Chops Off Her 40 Year Old Boyfriend’s Penis With Garden Shears

(Link):  Wife ‘Cut Off Husband’s Penis and Flushed It Down the Toilet Because He Spent Too Much Time on the Golf Course’

(Link): Husband Has Penis Chopped off for Inter-faith Marriage – Glad to Be Single Series

(Link):  ‘Sex Starved Wife’ Cuts off Her Husband’s PENIS After He Refused to Make Love to Her for Ten Years

(Link):  Penis Enhancement Surgery Results In Death For The First Time Ever

(Link):  Woman Says Her Boyfriend’s Penis Snapped During Sex

(Link):  Eight of the Most Shocking Cases of People Who Died During Sex

(Link): This Woman Took Photos of 100 Penises and Learned Quite a Bit About Them in the Process by L. Beck

(Link):  Pastor Commits Suicide After Accidentally Sexting Photos Meant For Mistress to Church Members

(Link): Guy So Depressed Over Being Single He Cut Off His Own Penis (article)

(Link):  London firefighters: Don’t put your penis in a toaster

(Link): Penis Amputated After Man, 66, Overdoses On Viagra ‘To Impress New Girlfriend’

(Link):   Couple Fall To Death Having Sex Against Window

(Link):  French Couple Having Intercourse In Castle Lose Their Balance, Fall 40 Feet To Their Deaths

(Link):  You’re more likely to die during sex than the numbers suggest (article)

(Link): Hackers Could Order Sex Robots To KILL Their Owners, Cyber Security Experts Warn

(Link): Woman Dies of Flesh-Eating Bacteria After Sex Game Goes Wrong

(Link):  Woman Paralysed after Orgasm During Sex Caused Brain Haemorrhage

(Link): Conservative, Church-Going Christian Guy Participates in Threesome, Jumps To Death

(Link): Eight of the Most Shocking Cases of People Who Died During Sex



70 Is The New 50 – Geraldo Rivera Selfie and Ageism

70 Is The New 50

I have never been a Geraldo Rivera fan. I personally do not find the guy physically attractive, and I disagree with some of his political views.

Most reaction to Geraldo’s recent shirtless selfie, which is posted about below, is negative.

Rivera is not my type, but IMHO, the guy looks to be in very good shape (though I think the towel was a little bit too low, I don’t want to see anything below the waist) – and I hate to add the phrase “for his age,” because that’s a backhanded compliment.

Geraldo looks more in shape and better at 70 than a lot of guys I’ve seen who are in their 20s and 30s.

You can judge for yourself – here’s a link to a page with his self portrait, with lots of comments by people expressing their opinions:

(Link): ‘70 is the new 50:’ Geraldo Rivera tweets sideways topless selfie; World groans

I do find it strange that people post topless / revealing photos of themselves online like this.

But, contrary to all the hooping and hollering and insulting comments among the commentators (and a comparison to Mr. Burns from The Simpsons, really?), he doesn’t look that bad.

I’ve seen 25 – 35 year old guys with flabby beer guts. But Rivera is obviously staying in shape, good for him.

I saw an article a few years ago in a British magazine containing a survey where British citizens were asked, “At what age do men stop being attractive/sexy” and I think the majority said it was age 50, or 55.

I can’t find the exact article, but here is one close to it:

(Link): Women at their ‘most attractive’ at 30, men at 34, survey says

Sick of Being Single / I Am So Sick and Tired of Being Single Alone Unmarried Lonely

Sick of Being Single / Sick and Tired of Being Single Alone Unmarried

My main reason for making this post? Apparently there are a lot of people out there doing a search on the web for pages that contain the phrase “I’m so sick and tired of being single,” or something like it. So here’s a thread for you folks!

On this blog, I discuss singleness a lot – as a semi-former Christian (I’m not sure if I’m sticking with the faith or not), so in particular, I discuss how singleness is viewed by Christians, though I do occasionally post material about singleness from secular sources, or stereotypes secular culture has about singles.

You can go through lots of old posts on this blog if this is the first post of mine you’re reading, and please definitely check out (Link): my “About” page.

Even though I have a background as a Christian and am right wing, if you happen to be liberal, an atheist, or what have you, you’re welcome to post about your experiences about being single, as long as you’re respectful towards me (see the (Link): Policy on Dissent post).

I’m at a point (I’m in my early 40s now, was engaged once, but never married), where I’m at peace with being single, with occasional days or periods where I’m sad or frustrated by it. I guess I’ve gotten so used to being single that it doesn’t bother me too much as it did in my mid 30s, or not as much, or not as often.

Here are a few older posts from my blog (click the “continue reading” or “read more” link to see the links to those older posts):

Continue reading “Sick of Being Single / I Am So Sick and Tired of Being Single Alone Unmarried Lonely”

People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Death of a Spouse

People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Death of a Spouse

I’ve read women on other sites mention that while they were married, other married couples would befriend them, hang out with them.

The moment their spouse died (it’s usually the husband – when a wife dies, people tend to show more care and concern for a widower), they say they are instantly persona non grata, to the point that married friends at church don’t so much as say “hello” when they pass in the hall way in church.

I have heard one exception: one adult, never married Christian lady said she noticed that when a woman in church husband died that the church rallied ’round that woman to act as a “surrogate” husband, where the men in the church traded off mowing her lawn, changing the oil in her car for her, etc, and the women in her church brought the newly widowed woman food, etc.

The never-married Christian woman wondered why in the hell churches aren’t that freaking supportive of women who have never married. She never had anyone at her church offer to change the oil in her car, or bring her a meal, and she would have appreciated the occasional help.

I have no idea either, why churches will help one type of person and not another… it’s like after my family member died, I was very broken over it, but the Christians I met, that I confided in for understanding and for comfort treated me like crap, but sat there and cried tears for women in homeless shelters. And these were not women they knew personally, but only saw once a month

You’d think if a Christian is going to show compassion to ‘People Group A’ that they would be equally compassionate of ‘People Group B,’ and everyone around them equally, but no, Christians feel only certain types of people deserve mercy, pity, and help.

If you are not in their preferred “Group O Victim,” they will tell you insensitive bullsh*t like, “stop having a pity party!,” “just think of how orphans in Africa have life worse than you,” and religious platitudes like, “read your Bible more.” No mercy, no compassion, just lectures, insults, and platitudes.

But the majority of anecdotes I’ve encountered are the first variety: the husband dies, and over night, the church ignores the new widow.

The newly widowed woman becomes an outcast the minute her spouse dies. No more invites from former married couple friends.

It is really disgusting to me how society, even Christians, treat people based on marital status.

People who are never married or widowed are not diseased and do not carry cooties, for the love of God. But singles are often treated like total lepers by Christians.

I don’t think the marrieds who don’t even stop to consider the crap singles go through realize that their husband could drop dead tomorrow from a car wreck or something (which is what happened to one aunt of mine, leaving her single in her 50s).

Even if your husband drops dead of natural causes in his 70s – 80s, you will probably out live him and be alone then.

So it might behoove you, you who are currently married, to start advocating for singles around you now, because you will be single again some day – and when you are, do you want to be ignored by the church?

Or, if they noticed you at all, do you want Christians treating you like you’re a temptress Jezebel out to steal all married men?

Do you want them telling you that singles aren’t as qualified to lead Sunday School as marrieds, so they give you nothing to do? Do you want to be left out of weekend dinners hosted by a married couple merely because you are single?

Because that will be your reality WHEN your husband dies. Not “if,” but WHEN.

The moment your spouse dies, your current married friends will drop you like a hot potato. No more dinner invitations from them.

Then you will start to notice how the church has no special programs or ministries for singles. You will start to notice how churches isolate and ostracize the un-married.

And if you’re a man, you will also be ignored or treated to insults by churches when your wife dies, should you out live your wife.

(Though in my opinion, widowers are treated a bit better than widows. For whatever reason, churches feel more sorry for a man who loses his spouse, than for a woman who loses hers. I have no idea why in the hell there is a discrepancy there, but it exists. I don’t know why churches think males deserve more help and compassion than ladies).

Here is the story about a Christian woman whose husband died, and she found herself single later in life.

(Link): Second Singlehood: A Time to Blossom, by Diane Marty

    Guest post by Diane Marty

    [Bella’s intro: This guest post by Diane Marty is the story of how she transformed herself from a person devastated by the death of her husband and the prospect of become single anew at 67, to the person others pointed to as a model of how to embrace second singlehood.
    Diane writes in more of a literary style than a blog post style, which I welcome. She has offered us a mini-memoir of becoming single again and I thank her for that. I also particularly liked her point in the second-to-last paragraph about the kinds of events that single people feel comfortable attending.]

    …the memory of my own experience with widowhood and transitioning back to the single life had flooded into my mind.

    My husband had been dead about a year when the world seemed to come crashing down upon me one day in May of 2008. My five year old Chevy truck had broken down and I was staring at a repair bill over seventeen hundred dollars. My husband always did all the repairs on our vehicles. He was a skilled mechanic and I hadn’t realized how much money he’d saved us over the years. Registering and maintaining two vehicles was expensive and I was in a quandary as to whether or not I should get rid of the truck. My small car was good on gas but the truck with its four-wheel drive was safer for Michigan winter driving. What to do?

    … And then even the weather that May had turned ugly and I had trees down on my property and I’d been without electric power going on the third day. My freezer full of food was defrosting and that was a loss I didn’t need on top of the expense with the truck. If only my husband were alive, I thought, he’d fix the truck, and he’d hook up his welder/generator for power and we’d get through this together. But he wasn’t alive and I went to bed yet another night crying myself to sleep.

    …Though I had some lingering doubts about the ease of returning to the single life at age sixty-seven, I left my house that afternoon ignited with a fresh verve for life.

    …I had a second chance to nurture my individual personhood but I wasn’t sure I knew how to go about it. Those of us raised in the self-sacrificial Christian tradition were taught to suppress individual desires during the coupled years when the needs of the conjoined entity, the couple, are paramount. [ALL Christians get this message that is is sinful or selfish to get their needs met, not just married women — Christian Pundit].

    But I was another entity now—a widowed, newly single-again woman, uncoupled and free to make new choices. All I had to do was figure out how to re-enter the blazing sunlight of unrestricted freedom my regained singlehood offered without getting burnt.

    As I re-evaluated my options from my new perspective as a woman in late-life singlehood, I decided that the quickest and safest way to re-enter that narrow gate into a happy Singledom was to follow the joiner road leading to any group whose activities, interests and philosophy matched my own. I adopted a pro-active attitude knowing I had to take responsibility for myself—that no one was coming to take me by the hand. I began by joining groups open to everyone,

    investigating how the people in each one treated each other and interacted with each other, mindful of my first requirement that people be accepted and valued as individuals.

    What I found confirmed that I’d made a wise choice in gravitating toward groups. It became clear to me that singles congregated in groups precisely because groups are made up of singles!

You can read the rest (Link): here

The Dating World of Tomorrow (article)

The Dating World of Tomorrow (article)

(Link): The Dating World of Tomorrow (article)

    … If you look at Figure 1 in this 2012 paper on how Americans meet their mates, you basically see that many of non-collegiate modes of meeting a partner have been in free-fall since the 1990s. Here’s how the authors frame it:

      From about 1960 to 1990 … neighborhood and church had a roughly steady influence over how heterosexual couples met, with about 10% of heterosexual couples meeting as neighbors and about 7% meeting in or through houses of worship.

      After 2000, neighborhood and church went in to steep decline along with most of the other traditional ways of meeting romantic partners.

      The post-1995 declines visible in Figure 1 for heterosexual couples in meeting through friends, meeting through coworkers, meeting through family, meeting in school, meeting in the neighborhood, and meeting in or through church are all statistically significant declines.

    College has also dipped since 2000 as a place to meet, but only modestly; bars and restaurants have ticked upward, and the internet, predictably, has exploded.

    This trend may not be a bad thing for marriage as an institution: So far, the data on unions formed online looks pretty encouraging, and it’s possible that the internet is helping to compensate for the eclipse of other forms of community, rather than contributing directly to those other forms’ eclipse.

    But it seems fair to assume that there are still a lot of people who would prefer to meet their future spouse the old fashioned way — through initial flesh-and-blood encounters embedded in a larger pre-existing social network.

    If that’s your preference, the university campus is one of the few flesh-and-blood arenas that seems to be holding its own as a place to form lasting attachments.

    So for those Americans who do attend college, the case for taking advantage of its denser-than-average social landscape might actually get stronger as the non-virtual alternatives decline.