According to Pastor – Jimmy Evans – It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk | Making Marriage into an Idol Marriage Idolatry Anti Singles Singlehood Singleness Unmarried Bias Prejudice

According to Pastor It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk

I’m typing this as I’m watching a Christian show by a guy. I will be referring to him as a preacher, but I think he may just be a talk show host and author; I’m not sure. His site is “marriage” His name is Jimmy Evans. His wife’s first name is Karen.

I have a couple of points of disagreement with this guy, and one area of agreement.

Evans is repeating the old cliches that men are visually responsive, men turn on instantly, while women are emotionally responsive. (Which is not true – a lot of women are in fact “visual” – (Link): please see this link for more, as well as additional links at the bottom of this post.)

I concede that men and women are not identical in some areas, and that there is a certain amount of truths in those cliches, but this trope about men being “more sexual” and “more visual” while women have no interest in sex and are not visually stimulated needs to die – because it’s not entirely true, not true for all women, or is exaggerated.

Most men may want to have sex more often than most women, but it does not follow from this that all women always want is a cuddle or to read romance novels – and this is the assumption made by male pastors giving marital sex sermons.

Now the preacher, Evans, is explaining that “men are half, women are half, it takes a (married) man and woman together to equal a whole.”

Evans also said it takes half his brain and half his wife’s to equal a whole brain.

I, your blog author, Christian Pundit, have never married, I am alone, so is Evans saying I have only “one-half a brain” and I am not whole as I am? That is not only insulting, but the Bible says singles are whole on their own.

The Bible does not teach that an unmarried person is incomplete, lacking, or less human than people in a married partnership. Yet, Evans seems to be teaching these concepts, and it was one of the more troubling aspects of his sermon.

For people who complain that preachers don’t talk about sex enough – spare me. The opposite is true. This guy I’m watching now, Evans, even went so far as to use the phrases “oral sex,” “sex toys” and “the missionary position.”

He just over shared that his wife Karen has always “met his sexual needs.” I don’t need to know that specifically about him.

The only kudo I can give this preacher guy: he is now lecturing married couples to be sexually pure. He told them to stay away from dirty sites, don’t fantasize about other people, control your thought life.

That is rare. Often, when sexual purity is discussed, it is only assumed by preachers that unmarried people commit sexual sin. It’s assumed that because married people are getting their sexual needs met, they have no cause to commit fornication – this is false.

I disagree with this pastor about his point of “don’t develop emotional relationships” with people outside of marriage.

Sorry, as a single woman, I get isolated and lonely in part because married people will not befriend me because it’s assumed either I am a temptress, or that married men are horny bastards who will make the move on every unmarried woman they meet.

Evans says according to some survey he read, that 90% of married Christian women admit to being attracted to someone other than their husband. Interesting point for several reasons.

I agree with Evans that a husband needs to meet the woman’s emotional needs and pursue her and romance her outside the bedroom. That is very important.

Now TMI (too much information): he mentioned “quickies” – yes, he used that very word – in the context of, “you know guys, sometimes sex in the morning is the best time to have sex.” Really dude, I don’t need to know that you personally enjoy sex in the mornings. Eww.

Evans briefly, very briefly, spent some time telling married men to stop comparing women to women in dirty magazines, one reason being that pr0n (pr0n = dirty magazines, films, sites) spreads the lie that all women are 100% sexual and do not have emotional needs.

There is a lot of truth in that, I suppose, and while I did not whip out a stop watch to time how long he spent on this topic, it seemed to me he spent longer chastising married women over romance novels, much more than he did over men who look at pr0n.

Please click the “read more” link below to read the rest of the post…

Continue reading “According to Pastor – Jimmy Evans – It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk | Making Marriage into an Idol Marriage Idolatry Anti Singles Singlehood Singleness Unmarried Bias Prejudice”

Beware of Rapists on Christian Dating Sites

Beware of Rapists on Christian Dating Sites

(Link): ChristianMingle Date Rape Victims Sought by California Cops


(Link): Second rape charge filed against man linked to Christian dating site

A second rape charge has been filed against a 37-year-old Del Mar man already accused of raping a woman he met on the dating website.

Sean Banks of Del Mar was arrested Feb. 11 and charged with rape, burglary and penetration by force involving a woman in the San Diego suburb of La Mesa, according to court records.

On Friday, a second rape charge was added, alleging that Banks raped a woman in 2009. He was also charged with attempting to intimidate a witness. Banks has denied those charges.

Related posts on this blog:

(Link): Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.

(Link):  Tips For Defensive Dating, Including Warning Signs that You Could Be The Target Of An Online Romance Scam – From the WSJ

(Link): More 40-Something Single Women Falling Prey to Dishonest or Violent Men in Dating (says report)

(Link): Police: Woman raped, stabbed by man she met on dating website / Separate news story: Man used dating sites to find rape victims

(Link): Various articles about online dating – Online dating leads to marriage / why men fail at online dating – other articles

(Link):   Risky Business: The Dangers of Online Dating and How to Protect Yourself

(Link): Woman Meets Man on Dating Site, He Steals Her Dog and TV on First Date

(Link): Ladies with Husbands and Boyfriends – Beware of Revenge Porn

(Link): Police urge caution when using dating websites / Murderers on Dating Sites

(Link): Beware of HIV / AIDS Infected Christian Male Preachers On Dating Sites

(Link): Facebook Uses Photo of Dead Girl (by suicide) in Dating Site Ad

(Link): Homosexual Satanist Kills Cop He Met Via Grindr Dating App, Eats Part of Body, Acid Burns the Remainder

(Link): Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work

(Link): San Jose woman loses $500,000 in online Christian Mingle dating scam

(Link): Blogs by Single Women Who Discuss the Weirdos, Perverts and Losers Who Contact Them on Dating Sites

(Link): Weird Dating Sites, Toilet Dating, Dating Sites and Privacy

(Link): Online Dating: Women Want Younger Men (article)

(Link): Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work (article)

(Link): Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.

(Link): Beware of Rapists on Christian Dating Sites

(Link): Online Dating Vs Meeting in Real Life (copy)

(Link): Creepizoids Weirdos and Perverts on Dating Sites

(Link): Internet dating firms entice lonely hearts with faked profiles based on real people (article)

Christians and Non Christians Attacking Rick Warren in His Time of Grief

Christians and Non Christians Attacking Rick Warren in His Time of Grief – along with militant Non-Christian, homosexual lunatics. (This is my second attempt at posting this. WordPress would not publish it yesterday)

(This post may contain strong language, so if you’re one of those delicate little flower Christians who doesn’t care for cuss words or crude terms, please click away now. If not, read ahead at your own risk, don’t complain to me about the language. Thanks.)

I’ve (Link): written before about Christians who vilify and attack people, including Rick Warren.

I’ve read Rick Warren’s “Purpose Driven Life” book and didn’t see anything objectionable in it, nothing unbiblical. He essentially spends the book telling people their meaning is to be found in Christ alone, not in money, career, marriage, or fame.

I have read that some Christians have been hurt by Warren’s “church driven” strategy, which is, if I understand it properly, to make drastic changes to a church and unceremoniously kick out any members, even “long timers,” who disagree with the new approach. If this is true, I’m sure this approach has created hurt Christians, and I’m sorry for that.

However, as this reporter discusses in the page I’ve linked to, after the suicide of Rick Warren’s 20-something son this past week, Warren has been getting harassed over it and receiving hateful comments on the internet not only from Non-Christians, but also from professing Christians.

Link: Christian Leaders Appalled at Hurtful Responses to Rick Warren’s Family Tragedy

Before I discuss the hate mail he’s been getting from Christians: according to a different news source I saw yesterday, most of the Non-Christians sending Warren hate mail in the aftermath of his son’s passing are perturbed because Warren does not support homosexual marriage (I think Warren supported Prop 8 in California, and that is their grudge against the man?).

Continue reading “Christians and Non Christians Attacking Rick Warren in His Time of Grief”

Preachers With a Conflicting View on Church Attendance

Preachers With a Conflicting View on Church Attendance

The BTK serial killer used to attend church every week, the same church for ten or more years, I believe – it’s how the police caught him. So you know what that tells me? You cannot judge if a man is good or not based on how often he attends church.

Christians often contradict themselves on some topics, church attendance being one of them.

David Jeremiah was giving a sermon tonight on TV where he was saying you shouldn’t measure how “Christian” you are by whether you attend church weekly or not. And I agree with that.

I’ve heard other tele evangelists say that same thing. But often, the same preacher, or one a day later, will shame and chastise Christians for not attending church.

Some preachers will pretty much set up weekly church attendance as a barometer of one’s spiritual maturity.

I’ve heard preachers tell any single women watching, “If a man you’re interested in is not going to church every week, dump him.”

So, on the one hand, these preachers will tell you that you should not be legalistic, you should not count church attendance as a gold star for a chart of good deeds, or you should not think that it makes you better than others ….but then… they will turn around later in another sermon and guilt you or judge you for not regularly attending, and I’ve heard some of them hint that you’re not a serious Christian because you don’t go weekly.

They really want to have their cake and eat it too.

You preachers need to make up your mind on this: either you think you should be able to use church attendance to judge and condemn someone’s walk with God, or not.

As a Christian who is barely holding on to the faith lately (I’m becoming agnostic), who is wary about being around Christians again, let alone going back to church, one sure way to keep me away from church is to do these sermons where you guilt or shame people who don’t attend regularly or at all. You don’t have a winning strategy there.

Related post on this blog:

Guilt Tripping or Shaming the Hurt Sheep to Return to Church


WordPress and Censorship – doesn’t want to publish posts about controversial topics – pastor Rick Warren harassed after death of son

Word press into cenorship? Blog refusing to publish my post
This is one of the links I wanted to publish in my original post:
Link: Christian Leaders Appalled at Hurtful Responses to Rick Warren’s Family Tragedy
In light of the fact that Rick Warren has been getting hate mail after the suicide of his son from Christians and from Non Christian homosexual militants (it’s my understanding Warren is getting hate mail from homosexual militants and their loony hetero allies because Warren does not support the legalization of homosexual marriage), I wrote a post expressing disgust about it – but WordPress refuses to publish it.

Each time I click the “Publish” button, WordPress loads a page asking me, “Are you SURE you want to publish this?” When I click “Yeah, I’m sure,” it takes me back to the composition box and will not publish the post.

I might try again to publish it, later. I have a copy of the post saved to my hard drive.

To be crystal clear, the reason this post has been tagged with phrases such as “Kooks and Crazies” is in reference to any Christians and homosexual militants who have been sending hate mail to Warren in his time of grief – such phrases are NOT in reference to suicidal people or people with mental health problems (e.g., depression).

Ladies Over 35 Years Of Age Having Babies

Ladies Over 35 Years Of Age Having Babies

See my previous posts:

Ageism and Singlehood: Ask Amy Columnist

Infertility/ Kids/ The Male Biological Clock

One scare tactic political conservatives and evangelical, fundamentalist, patriarchal, and Baptist Christians use is to tell young women:

“Marry now while you are 20 years old, because by the time you hit 35, your eggs will dry up and marriage will be too late and pointless for you” (marriage is not for pro-creation only, you idiots).

In light of all these articles I’ve seen in the last several years pointing out that more and more women are not having their first baby until age 35, 40, or older, these scare tactics are empty (not to mention under-handed and a cheap shot).

(For anyone who may want to leave a comment under this post:

remember, I do not entertain dissenting views or argumentative types on my blog. I don’t like ageist comments, either.

Invariably, some ageist flamer or troll will want to leave a comment under this post going on and on about health risks involved with a woman over 35 getting pregnant, and / or some sexist pig will want to blame “feminism” for why some women don’t become mothers until past their twenties, and yada yada. I won’t be publishing any such remarks (like I did one time under an older post on this topic), so please, don’t waste your time or mine by composing such a remark on my blog.)

Actress Halle Berry, as I write this, is 46 or 47 years old.


Halle Berry calls second pregnancy ‘the biggest surprise of my life’

Halle Berry on pregnancy: ‘Biggest surprise of my life’

Halle Berry joins growing group of older moms

Excerpts (click the link to read the whole thing):

Actress Halle Berry has joined a growing group of celebrity and real-life moms who are getting pregnant after 40. Berry recently announced she is carrying her second child at the age of 46.

While birth rates for almost all other age groups are at historic lows, according to a 2012 report from the National Center for Health Statistics, the rate for women in their late 30s and early 40s is on the rise.

By 40, a woman’s reproductive chance is less than 5% per cycle, so a natural pregnancy is rare. And pregnant women in their 40s face increased risks for several health issues, including gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, breast cancer and miscarriages.

But Dr. Petra M. Casey said those risks vary significantly from patient to patient.

“Underlying health is a huge factor in the outcome of pregnancy,” she said.

Casey, an associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the Mayo Clinic, gave birth to her two children at age 38 and at 41. “I don’t, unfortunately, look anything like Halle Berry,” she joked.
“Some women are incredibly healthy at 40; some are sick at 20,” she said. “That all makes a huge difference in the challenges they may face in being pregnant.”

Berry looks healthy and has less body fat than most Americans. She also makes a great salary, so she can afford to pay for good medical care. All of those elements are factors in her favor. But one factor she can’t change is the age of her eggs.

“Aging eggs cannot be helped and are a risk factor for anyone her age,” Casey said.
Doctors have several tests available to see whether the child will have any kind of chromosomal problem that could come with aging eggs.

“In terms of risk with women who are a little bit older and the potential genetic problems the baby may have, we pay closer attention to that for sure,” said Dr. George Macones, chairman of the department of obstetrics and gynecology at Washington University in St. Louis. “If someone is healthy, though, and doesn’t have medical problems other than the genetic issues, there shouldn’t be a lot to worry about.”

Macones has seen a significant increase in the number of older patients he sees. “I believe my oldest patient was 54. She was incredibly fit as a competitive athlete and everything went fantastic with her pregnancy and birth,” he said.

Related Post:

(Link): With Menopause Reversal, Women Could Be Forever Fertile

Dating Jesus / Oh No I’m Single! (videos) – for single unmarried Christians

Dating Jesus (video)

Recap for newbies here: I’m over 40 and never married, though I wanted to be.

I don’t know why other single, Christian women refer to Jesus Christ as “their boyfriend,” or they (or teen aged girls) will say that they are “dating Jesus.”

When other Christians hear you pine for marriage, they will sympathetically tell you, “The Lord is your husband.” That is not consoling. It’s weird.

If I can figure out how to directly embed the video in the post, I’ll do it. For now, here’s a link to a video on You Tube. I found it amusing. (There’s another video below this one.)

(Link): Dating Jesus

Here’s another:

Guilt Tripping or Shaming the Hurt Sheep to Return to Church

Guilt Tripping or Shaming the Hurt Sheep to Return to Church

I just saw the last few minutes of the Perry Stone show on “TBN”.

I don’t hate the guy. Some of his teachings are interesting.

At the tail end of this program, Stone was addressing Christian people who have been hurt by other Christians or by churches, or who have “turned from the Lord.”

Stone’s one appeal to the viewer to return to church was: “we are living in the Last Days.”

I’m not buying it. I first began getting interested in Bible prophecy in my teens and read many books about it in my 20s, and have watched I don’t know who many hours of Grant Jefferies and Hal Lindsey, and so forth, discussing prophecy on television. (Never did read the “Left Behind” books, however.)

Since my teen years (I am early 40s now), I have been hearing preachers say “we are living in the Last Days.” I now no longer believe this, at least not for me personally. The world continues to go on now like it did when I was a teenager. I stopped getting worked up over anything Israel related a few years ago and assuming every Iranian threat to Israel = Rapture Now/ Second Coming of Christ.

I am also quite tired of pastors who try to shame or guilt people into church attendance, people who have been betrayed or wounded by Christians, or by a particular church or pastor.

Continue reading “Guilt Tripping or Shaming the Hurt Sheep to Return to Church”

Are Most Churches Too Judgemental About Sexual Sin? (of the hetero variety)

Are Most Churches Too Judgemental About Sexual Sin? (of the hetero variety)

Are Most Churches Too Judgemental About Sexual Sin (of the hetero variety)? My quick answer: NO. Are you joking?

I saw a guest on TBN’s “PTL” show this evening who said that most churches tend to judge and condemn sinners who are seeking redemption or who have repented of their sin, like the guy who steps forward and admits to his Bible study group or pastor he has a porn addiction.

This guest said the opposite is also true, that hypocrites, the guys who are already in leadership positions who are steeped in personal sin, are often promoted or defended in most churches.

And that was about all I heard of this program. I sort of ignored the rest of the show to check and read my e-mail.

I do not dispute that some Christians and some branches of Christianity are hyper judgmental against sin, especially sexual sin.

I don’t deny that. I’ve seen such attitudes online by Christian pastors, on some of their blogs or church sites, so that kind of thinking is in fact out there.

I’ve also seen some of them (preachers) writing “touchy feely” editorials admonishing the public to lay off judgment of preachers caught in scandal, like preachers who have admitted publicly to hiring prostitutes or whatever.

But. However. The overall tendency I see in most Christianity today and from most pastors and their blogs, is one of extreme leniency and forgiveness in regards to sexual sin.

Continue reading “Are Most Churches Too Judgemental About Sexual Sin? (of the hetero variety)”

Part 2 – Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even CHRISTIAN Celebrities Have A Hard Time

Part 2 – Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even CHRISTIAN Celebrities Have A Hard Time (Read part 1)

I explained in an earlier post (Part 1) that contrary to much advice one hears from Christians and Non-Christians, that being sexy, skinny, wealthy, having a great sense of humor, being mentally stable, and being extroverted, or having long, sexy hair, are not guarantees of getting a spouse, or even getting dates.

A Christian vistior to the blog left a comment under my first post pointing out that entertainers do not adhere to Christian values, or do not claim to.

I’m not sure that was entirely relevant to my premise that the standard dating and marriage advice one gets from Christians and Non Christians doesn’t always work.

My main point with this post is that even self-professing Christian celebrities – who often have great looks, flashy careers, mansions, and yachts – also fail at love.

Continue reading “Part 2 – Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even CHRISTIAN Celebrities Have A Hard Time”

Marrying Young – from “Stuff Christian Culture Likes,” by Stephanie Drury

Marrying young – from “Stuff Christian Culture Likes,” by Stephanie Drury
(also indirectly highlights how many Christians have turned marriage and having children into idols)

I think there’s been a time or two I’ve disagreed with some of Ms. Drury’s (or should I address her as ‘Mrs?’ I honestly don’t know, and mean no disrespect either way), but I do agree with her on some occasions, and I think she’s providing a service of sorts in exposing some of the lunacy that goes on in America in the name of Christ.

I believe she was raised by Christian parents, but I have no idea if she considers herself a Christian now or not.

I’m not exactly sure which blog of hers is current. Her blog has been hosted on various locations over the last few years.

Not only is the post by Drury I am linking to below enlightening (and echoes what I’ve said on my blog before, see this), but read the comments at the bottom of her blog page by her blog guests.

(Link): #207 Marrying young posted by Stephanie Drury

Some excerpts, from the page by Drury:

    Christian culture gets married young. The reason isn’t entirely clear, but the general consensus is that it drastically lowers the risk of fornication. You just can’t fornicate if you’re married, and that takes care of that.

    Fornication is Christian culture’s natural enemy. Bible colleges (aka “bridal colleges” – what did I tell you?) require students to sign a convenant stating they won’t drink, swear, be gay or have premarital sex. But even Christian students at secular universities roil under biblical sex mandates. When you combine guilt with evangelical horndogs you get a lot of marriage proposals and short engagements.

    Continue reading “Marrying Young – from “Stuff Christian Culture Likes,” by Stephanie Drury”

Unmarried Women Perceived as Threats – Married Women Won’t Let This Myth Perish

Unmarried Women Perceived as Threats – Married Women Won’t Let This Myth Perish

The old stereotype or fear that all unmarried women are predators of married men, or that married people cannot be friends with singles without things turning sexual, is still around.

Not only are there plenty of unmarried women who would never have an affair with a married man, but married people need to remember that sometimes married men have affairs with married women of other husbands.

That point is never factored in.

At least some secular sources recognize this takes place (anyone catch last night’s episode of AMC’s Mad Men, where married ad exec Don Draper had sex with the wife of a doctor neighbor in his apartment building?) And of course, I’ve seen this happen in real life, I’ve read about it and have known it to happen.

Here’s another example, from a married woman (who is apparently age 35+) in a latter to “Ask Amy,” who perceives unmarried women, especially ones in their twenties, as being extra-marital affairs waiting to happen:

Continue reading “Unmarried Women Perceived as Threats – Married Women Won’t Let This Myth Perish”

Christians SUCK at Helping People Who Have Mental Health Issues

Christians SUCK at helping people who have mental health problems. (Ask me how I know.)

(Link): Death of Rick Warren’s Son a Call to Address Mental Illness, Samuel Rodriguez Says


By Anugrah Kumar, Christian Post Contributor
April 7, 2013|9:02 am
The tragedy of the 27-year-old son of Pastor Rick Warren taking his own life after a lifelong struggle with mental illness calls for a commitment by Christians to help create space for and minister to those with mental illnesses, says the Rev. Samuel Rodriguez, president of the National Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference.

“Yet, this tragedy facilitates an opportunity if not an obligation for the Christian community to address mental illness,” said Rodriguez on the day Warren, an internationally known Christian leader at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, Calif., made the announcement about his son.

Mental illness exists in and outside of the church community, said Rodriguez. “Christians struggle with depression and even suicidal thoughts. It does not make you less of a Christian. Just like heart disease or cancer does not dilute our Christianity, neither does mental illness.”

…Suffering from mental illness is not a sin, the Hispanic leader underlined, and added, “Yet, not addressing it, may very well be.”

Good luck with getting Christians to address mental health problems and showing sympathy to those who suffer from it, pal.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression when under the age of 15 and dealt with it for years. Went to psychiatrists, took anti-depressants, read the Bible, prayed for a healing, and absolutely nothing worked. I used to have panic attacks too, and had an anxiety disorder – I still have a bit of a problem with anxiety, actually.

I was finally set free a year or two ago from the depression, but that’s another story.

In my journey through depression, I can tell you that Christians who do not have depression do not understand it at all, and most are insensitive, unsupportive bastards about it.

There are any number of false, stupid, hurtful, infuriating stereotypes and myths Christians spread and believe about depression and other mental health problems, such as-

1. “Genuine” Christians cannot, or will never, have mental health problems;

2. Seeking mental health professional help, whether Chrisitan or secular, is wrong;

3. Taking medication for mental health issues, or for anxiety attacks, is wrong;

4. If you just pray to God and have faith, God will heal you of your panic attacks, depression, etc;

5. It’s all in your head and a matter of mere will power: you can will yourself out of depression and “choose” to be happy (or have enough faith in God and the panic attacks will clear up);

6. If you serve other people more (e.g., volunteer at soup kitchens), you will be so preoccupied with other people or be so uplifted by serving, that you won’t have time to think about being depressed, or volunteering will just automatically clear the depression up;

7. Read the Bible and pray, and that will cure depression and panic attacks;

8. Your depression must be due to personal sin or a character defect

There are so many stereotypes Christians hold about mental health problems, I may have forgotten to mention a few.

What I can tell you is that all of those reasons and stereotypes are utter bullshit.

Secular therapy and pills never helped me, but if you are someone who has a mental health disorder, don’t hesitate to give that a try.

Don’t let any Christian pastor, school of theological thought, or any discernment blogs and sites talk you out of using mental health professionals or convince you that you are to blame somehow for having a mental health disorder.

Preacher Andy Stanley on the 18-25 Demographic Leaving Church and Church Membership Decline in General

Preacher Andy Stanley on the 18-25 Demographic Leaving Church

Pastor Andy Stanly, son of famous Atlanta preacher Charles Stanley, was quoted as saying:

He insisted that church leaders “pretty much agree on the goal” and that “the problem isn’t Jesus or God or the Bible, but the approach that is driving people away,” citing historical trends which demonstrate the progressive decline in church attendance, particularly among the 18-25 year old demographic. “We are financing their exit from church,” he lamented. ((Link): Source)

Look, Rev. Stanley, it’s not just the 18- 25 age bracket that is leaving church: it’s people over 30 years of age, especially the never married, widowed, or divorced people, who are leaving. I’m one of them. We are leaving because our needs and concerns are not being addressed. Our needs are not being met.

The under- age- 25 demographic is leaving for some of the same reasons the over- 30 unmarrieds and single women in particular are leaving (which I won’t get into here – well, just a little bit).

What I can tell you will NOT work or bring in the under-25 demographic: rock and roll music; preachers wearing Hawaiian print shirts; neato, cutting edge multi-media in church services; the preacher of a church using Twitter and other social media; using gimmicks in church services (such as zip lines, live camels on stage, etc); trying to be hip, cool, or relevant.

“Gender complementarianism,” which is taught, believed, and practiced at most churches that teach conservative doctrine, is driving capable, intelligent females of all ages AWAY from church attendance, because such churches generally limit women to roles such as church nursery baby sitters or secretaries, and won’t allow them to fully use their God-given talents or allow them to pursue what they are interested in within church.

I could go on with other reasons why people have stopped attending church, but I’ll leave it at that.

I do agree with Stanley on this point (it’s one I have raised on my own blog numerous times before, that preachers and Christians spend more time bitching and hand wringing about liberalism than they do in actually helping those in their own churches, which offers no incentives for anyone who would otherwise consider coming to Christ, and is a turn-off); here are his quotes:

A major reason for the decline of the church, Stanley contended, is that Christians have focused too much on policing the behavior of outsiders without looking at the inside.

“If in the past 50 years, the church had done a good enough job policing our own behavior, then we would not be able to build churches big enough and fast enough today,” he said, adding that the imperatives of the New Testament are addressed to Christians. “Who doesn’t want to be part of a community that loves one another, prays for one another, shares and cares for one another? But that’s not what comes to mind when people think of the church.”

“The reason the church grew in the first century is because women were valued there like nowhere else in the world, children were treasured like nowhere else, and slaves were attracted because everyone was equal before God. It was all about ‘one another’ and the culture eventually paused and took a look at that and the Gospel spread.”

My advice to preachers and other Christians:

If you want your church to grow, start by meeting the needs of people in your church- all of them, in all life situations and from all backgrounds- not just homeless people in your downtown; starving African orphans; and don’t spend all your energy griping about liberalism, homosexual marriage, and abortion – maybe this is part of the reason Christ told followers not to obsess so much about the speck in someone else’s eye, but to concentrate on the log in your own.

For more on this issue, please see other posts at this blog:

(Link): Christians and Churches are Youth Fixated (blog posts here at Christian Pundit)


If the Family Is Central, Christ Is Not

If the Family Is Central, Christ Is Not, by John B. Carpenter, CP Guest Contributor

In the firestorm of the culture war, no Christian wants to sound like he’s against the family.

Indeed, many Christians assume that what’s good for the “family” is good. Period.

Hence, the “Family Integrated Church” (FIC) movement has arisen, calling for churches to be family centered. By that FIC advocates mean that families should meet together for all functions of the church.

That means, no separate Sunday School classes, no “children’s church” and no “youth group”. The church meets as families, they say. This is so important, FIC people say, it’s worth forming entirely new churches on this distinctive alone. The problems with this, as I see them, are:

(7) Misdefinition of the Church:

The FICM has defined the church as a “family of families”. Even if they’ve erased that formal definition, they act as though the church is not a gathering of individual believers around Jesus but of separate families.

But in the Bible, there is eventually, ultimately one family. The church is the “household of God” (1 Tim. 3:15). The Lord puts people from all kinds of families and frequently (and sadly) often there are only some people from each family that are truly converted and made part of the church.

The family is a creation institution that will end with the old creation. The church, however, as the assembly of God’s people, will last eternally. Making the church centered on the family, subverts the church.

(8) Familism:

The Lord Jesus pitted loyalty to the family against loyalty to Him. When He was informed that his natural family was outside and wanted to speak with Him, rather than putting “integrating” with that family as a priority, he pointed to those around Him, listening to the Word of God (the church) and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers!” (Mt. 12:46ff.)

In other words, the spiritual family of the church takes priority over the natural family.

This is the practice the church is to follow.

On the other hand, the FIC smacks of “familism”. Familism – the making the family the ultimate loyalty – is an idol, a competitor to the Lordship of Christ; hence, Jesus tells us we must be willing to “hate” the family to follow Him.
Continue reading “If the Family Is Central, Christ Is Not”

Secular Media Also Pushing Early Marriage

Secular Media Also Pushing Early Marriage

I’ve seen a new batch of these “Marry young, damn you” type editorials in the last couple of weeks, most from secular sources.

More online articles about delayed marriage, or there being an upswing in unmarried people having kids or living together, have appeared too. Here are a few…

Report: More women moving in before marriage

No need to marry young (By Kathleen Gerson, Special to CNN)

Find a Man Today, Graduate Tomorrow
Susan Patton told young women to look for a mate in college. Liberals went crazy. My mom said the same thing.

Cohabitation first is new norm for unmarrieds with kids

Marry Young
I got married at 23. What are the rest of you waiting for?

Can We Stop Worrying About When People Get Married In This Country?

… What’s Douthat’s newest source of concern? Those of us who dragged our feet heading to the altar, waiting until our 30s—yes, practically ancient—before marrying for the first time.

And why are “older” couples such a threat to the cultural order? Well, it turns out they aren’t. At least, not all of us. And his conclusions about these demographic shifts remind me that Douthat is not alone. Other social conservatives and moderates—and even many who are not—are confusing what we really should be worried about. We do have a serious problem in this country, one that has painful consequences for the future of employment, children’s development, health, and family stability, but it’s not primarily about marriage, or about when women marry, or how many children they have. Like many other social problems that we confront today, the issue is really one of social class and increasing inequality.

….But what these “facts” all boil down to is one simple reality that is masked by these population averages: more and more the realities of our lives—how much and where we are educated, how much money we make, how stable our families are, the age that we have our children—are determined by our socioeconomic status, or social class, in this country. (The New York Times also had a depressing article this weekend about life expectancy differences that pointed out that even the health of our babies is—more than in other industrialized countries—a function of the income level of the babies’ parents.)

The simple fact is that if you are a college-educated young person (particularly one whose parents were also college-educated), you are probably going to marry later, have fewer children, stay married, and be more financially stable than if you were born in different circumstances.

Douthat himself acknowledges that while “the new romantic landscape doesn’t offer automatic benefits to the upper class and automatic costs to everyone else, it does create a situation where the people who need the least help figuring out the wisest life course have multiple clear paths to take, and the people who would most benefit from a simple map to responsible adulthood can easily end up in a maze instead.”

True, but I’m tired of all the hand wringing over people’s choices in their personal lives. To me, it’s clear that as a society we would be much better off if we focused less attention on who is getting married and having children and the timing of these life decisions, and more attention on providing structural supports for the individuals who are increasingly left behind in our economy, whether, married, unmarried, or divorced.

It seems like marriage serves as a distraction—a tempting media story from the real missing support system that our country lacks.

Continue reading “Secular Media Also Pushing Early Marriage”

You Don’t Need to Look Far To Find Hurting People Who Could Use Your Help and Compassion

I was pleasantly surprised to see one or two of Kerry Shook’s sons mention tonight on a Christian program that instead of looking to starving people in Haiti as examples of who to serve, American Christians don’t need to look any farther than the person sitting next to them, or living next door.

What a nice change from the usual “send us funds to build water wells in African villages” spiels one usually hears on Christian shows.

Shook’s sons were saying there might be people you (remember, their primary audience is Americans living in the United States of America) run in to every day, or who live down the street from you, or who work with you, who are going through a difficult time and could use your help.

Ironically, I’ve heard Native Americans and some black people say they regard Christianity as being a “white man’s religion.”

It seems to me that a lot of white, middle- to- upper- class American Christians have turned that upside down, to turn Christianity into a religion only for inner-city, dark-skinned, impoverished, or third- world- nation people.

I don’t recall Jesus Christ saying that His religion, or that care and compassion, are for everyone except for white, sober, middle class Americans – but that is how a lot of white, middle class Americans behave.

The Bible says that Christians are to help other Christians first, not Non-Christians (see Galatians chapter 6, verse 10, also 1 Timothy 5: 8). Most Christians ignore Galatians 6:10, in favor of Matthew 28:19 and James 1:27

In short, if you are a white, sober, middle class American going through some sort of problem, say, you are in grief from the passing of a loved one, you’ve been laid off from your job, your kid is robbing banks, or you’ve been divorced- whatever- and you go looking to another white, middle class Christian for emotional or practical support, you will usually get none.

They will even tell you that because you don’t have life as difficult as Africans who lack in-door plumbing or a homeless junkie down town, you have no right to support, compassion, or encouragement.

Galatians 6:10 and Matthew 7:12 are not in their Bibles.
Related post, this blog:

The Bible Says Christians are to Help Other Christians First

Part 2 – Suffering and Misery Trend Du Jour


Search for love in China fuels ‘ghost marriages’; grave robbing

Search for love in China fuels ‘ghost marriages’; grave robbing

(Link): Search for love in China fuels ‘ghost marriages’; grave robbing


BEIJING – Wei Guohua finally found his Mrs. Right – almost 10 years after he died.

Led by a rooster, Wei Guohua’s children brought the remains of his bride and buried them inside his tomb in Yulin, a town in Shannxi province, on Nov. 14, 2012.

A well-known local feng shui master hosted a ceremony to pronounce them husband and wife. (The rooster was there because people believe the birds can guide the dead to a new home.)

Continue reading “Search for love in China fuels ‘ghost marriages’; grave robbing”

Links: Delayed Marriage and How Straight People Paved the Way for Gay Marriage

Links: Delayed Marriage and How Straight People Paved the Way for Gay Marriage

I can’t say I’m in total agreement with this page. Isn’t comparing homosexuals who want marriage to straights who have messed up marriage, a sort of apples and oranges comparison? Isn’t the point for the homosexual activists to prove from the outset that a same-gender marriage is okay, not describe how straights have changed marriage for straights or messed it up?

(Link): How Straight People Paved the Way for Gay Marriage

The other link:

(Link): Late Marriage and Its Consequences


    One of the useful things about the “Knot Yet” report, though, is how much it tries to tell us about the impact of delayed marriage on the lives of adult men and women.

    The simplest way to interpret this impact is suggested by the write-up the study received from the Atlantic: Great for college-educated women, pretty good for the rest of the female population, bad for men and particularly bad for working class men.

    Continue reading “Links: Delayed Marriage and How Straight People Paved the Way for Gay Marriage”

Another Blog on Churches Making Family Into an Idol and Christian Dating Advice

Another Blog on Churches Making Family Into an Idol and Christian Dating Advice
– from the blog “More Than Don’t Have Sex – Thoughts on Christ Centered Singleness and the Church”

I left a few comments on this guy’s blog under another post of his (not the one I am highlighting here).

I disagree a little with some of his opinions expressed on another blog page, e.g., on why most women wear make-up (we don’t always, or primarily, wear make-up to entice or capture men, and certainly not to deceive them, which seems to be his take(?)).

We also disagree on should Christian males approach getting dates as though it’s a “game” (with rules and strategies needed), and by over- thinking it (he says yes, I say heck no, that is part of the one reason some singles stay single).

Anyhow, here is his post about how churches turn marriage and family into false gods they worship:

(Link): The Church’s Family Idol And Singleness

The guy at the blog- kudos to him to at least discussing singleness, and especially how churches have turned marriage and parenting into idols, by the way- but he also seems to feel that it’s unfair or wrong that men are expected to initiate dates with ladies.

I don’t mean to put words in his mouth, but if I understood him correctly, he wants to live in a world where women approach men for dates (which I have done myself by the way, and I’m a female. I have initiated flirting and date-asking on occasion. It’s rare for me because for years I was extremely shy, and I am still introverted.)

What I explained to the blog guy at his blog is that it’s no use getting upset at the “men being expected to initiate” situation or blaming women for it (which he seemed to do) – because women did not make this rule in the first place; it’s been foisted upon us.

The vast majority of dating advice I have ever seen, both Christian and Non Christian, favors the man approaching the woman.

Continue reading “Another Blog on Churches Making Family Into an Idol and Christian Dating Advice”