Author Michael DiMarco talks about his book True Purity (audio interview)

Author Michael DiMarco talks about his book True Purity. (audio interview)

There is a link below to an interview by Mefferd with an author, DiMarco, who wrote a book called “True Purity.” He discusses how to present celibacy / sexual purity to people, particularly teens (why is the focus always on TEENS and 20 somethings? First mistake right there).

It’s been a couple of weeks since I listened to the interview, so I don’t recall all the details. Based on what I do recall…

The author discusses how much teaching on abstinence fails because it does not center the teaching in who people are “in Christ.”

DiMarco seems to feel if only people remember they have a relationship with Jesus, that this will strengthen them or enable them to abstain from sex. That may be true in part for some Christians who remain virgins past the age of 30, but in some ways it’s a vague and ineffective response.

It is common for some Christian authors to intellectualize celibacy and sexual matters, and this author is no different. Intellecutalizing the issues doesn’t do anything to really solve the issue or tackle some of the core issues singles face, especially for unmarrieds over the age of 35, other than having unfulfilled sexual desires: one of their biggest obstacles is loneliness.

Continue reading “Author Michael DiMarco talks about his book True Purity (audio interview)”

Commentary on the Editorial Entitled – Pastors, We Must Do Better on Premarital Sexual Ethics

Commentary on the Editorial Entitled “Pastors, We Must Do Better on Premarital Sexual Ethics” (copy)

I did some reading on the internet this morning, and found this on Crossway:

(Link): Pastors, We Must Do Better on Premarital Sexual Ethics

The piece is written by a Gerald Hiestand, where he frets that unmarried Christians between the ages of 18 – 29 are having sex outside of marriage. Several times, and in big letters to drive the point home, we are told:

“Only 20% of single evangelicals remain abstinent.”

80% of Christians below the age of 29 are fornicating: GOOD
80% of Christians below the age of 29 are fornicating: GOOD

The rest of the editorial is filled with the usual laments about how current sexual purity teachings are letting down youth and so forth.
(Please click the “read more” link to read the rest of this post, there is plenty more below.)

Continue reading “Commentary on the Editorial Entitled – Pastors, We Must Do Better on Premarital Sexual Ethics”

The Sexualization of God and Jesus

The Sexualization of God and Jesus

As I discussed in a previous post, (Link): “Topics: Friendship is Possible / Sexualization By Culture Of All Relationships” secular culture and Christian culture both have a habit of sexualizing everything and everyone.

I just came across a blog page that says some Catholics(?) have done the same thing with God the Father and Jesus:

(Link): Kissing God & Emulating Saints: How Catholicism and The Bridal Paradigm are leaking into the body of Messiah

I hope the author of the page is not pushing for a so-called “masculine” God or Christianity, a la John Piper. The Bible teaches that God the Father is a spirit being, so he does not have a gender per se, though he does have qualities we would associate with both human males and females, from anger to gentleness.

Anyway, here’s an excerpt or two from the page:

  • One of the major cracks in IHOP’s faulty foundation is their return in many ways to the New Age roots of Catholicism…..
  • The book of Song of Solomon is held above the rest of scripture as the primary way G-d relates to His people.
  • This makes G-d out to be a sexual, lovesick, love-struck, hormone-driven teenager who is so “captivated” and “awestruck” that He longs after humanity and is running around Heaven going crazy without her.
  • The relationship G-d has to Israel is likened to that of a marriage in a few places in scripture…but it’s with the nation of Israel as a whole…it’s not an individual romance between God and a person.
  • The book of Song of Solomon is written about the natural marriage relationship between husband and wife as written by Solomon about his own marriage.
  • It is not the blueprint of Christianity or the primary starry-eyed, lustful way that IHOP paints G-d’s view of His people.
  • On 9/24/07, an ex-ihoper shares on a blog forum that as part of the required reading curriculum at IHOP’s Forerunner School of Ministry, students have to read a book called “The The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus” written by a Franciscan Priest named Brennan Manning. Chapter six expounds on the belief of the author that “God is sexually aroused by His people.”
  • This led students to confessing that reading this book caused them to have sexual thoughts…which they forced themselves to excuse away by telling themselves “well, God feels this way so it’s ok”.

And there you have it, the continued warped, odd obsession some people have with sexualizing persons, relationships, ideas, or things that have nothing to do with sex. It really is a pervasive disease in our culture.

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Related posts this blog:

(Link): Marketing Companies Offering ‘Sexy Jesus’ Calendar, Selfies With Jesus

(Link): Self Professing Christian Guy, Closeted Homosexual, Apparently Killed His Fiance’ (or had her killed) – Also: Christian Group IHOP Sexualizes Jesus Christ and God

(Link): Editorialist at WaPo Argues That Single Christian Adults Can Have Sex So Long As They are Chaste About It – Also Speculates that Jesus Was “Probably” Celibate

(Link): Let Us Prey: Big Trouble at First Baptist Church – article about sexual abuse in Baptist churches -article mentions how Baptist preacher sexualized Jesus

(Link): Is Jesus Too Sexy? Too Sexy for His Hat, Too Sexy for His Shirt? And What About Salome in Movies? / Re: Actor Diogo Morgado and Depictions of Jesus in Movies – Including Son of God

(Link): How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link): Topics: Friendship is Possible / Sexualization By Culture Of All Relationships

More Weird Ass Highly Specialized Dating Sites

More Weird Ass Highly Specialized Dating Sites – Part 2 (or are we up to 3 now?)

I was just made aware of a new dating site: “For Farmers Only.com”

There are dating sites for people over 50, people with Herpes (see link far below), Jewish people only, people with mental health problems.

Here is a quote from the Farmers dating site home page:

    For Famers Only – Dating Site

    Online Dating for down to earth singles is growing across America’s Heartland coast to coast!

    FarmersOnly.com is a dating site like no other. We exist because, the way we see it, there are basically two groups in America. Group one revolves around four dollar cups of coffee, taxi cabs, blue suits, and getting ahead at all costs in the corporate world. If you fall into this group then FarmersOnly is not where you want to be dating online. There are plenty of hard to trust dating sites out there for ya though! Group two enjoys blue skies, living free and at peace in wide open spaces, raising animals, and appreciating nature. We understand the meaning of Southern hospitality, even if we don’t all live in the South. This group makes up America’s Heartland – the slice of America with good old fashioned traditional values, values that were never lost by the farmers of our country. These values have also been preserved by the cowboys and cowgirls who still live on the edge, nature lovers who don’t take the outdoors for granted even though it is free, and horse lovers, ag students, and other animal lovers. If you’re in this group and going to be dating online, there is no dating site that comes even close to FarmersOnly.com. And you don’t have to take our word for it: You can check out who is on our site for free!

    So why is it different from other dating sites?

    We feel there is a greater need for this dating site than any other. The founders of FarmersOnly work with thousands of farms and ranches across the country, and met a number of single farmers of all different ages with one thing in common–they were all having a difficult time finding someone special. Why? Let’s face it: How many new people do you meet working on the farm all day?

    One farmer told us the story of her frustrations in finding her match. She thought that dating online would be the answer and joined some of the big national online dating sites.

    What she found was that the city folks that dominated these online dating sites couldn’t relate to her lifestyle. They wanted to meet at 9:00 p.m. for a cup of coffee when she would typically be preparing (going to bed) for the next day, which started at 5:00 a.m. Caffeine at that hour was the last thing she needed!

    We also talked to people living in small towns surrounded by farmland, where everybody already knows everybody. If they didn’t marry their high school sweetheart, it was difficult to meet someone new who understood the rural lifestyle.

    City folks just don’t get it!™

    When we looked for dating sites for farmers, we found sites that claimed to cater to farmers, ranchers, and country dwellers, but the majority of postings seemed to be from people living in big cities—if the people were real at all! Just looking at the postings, they sure didn’t look like farmers to us!

    So we built an online dating site that’s 100% for farmers, ranchers, and those who can relate to the rural and country lifestyle, and where you can register for free in order to get a feel for who is on our site.

    Instead of asking what your astrological sign is, at FarmersOnly.com we ask if you raise or breed alpacas, horses, cattle, chickens, dogs, goats, rabbits, sheep, grow crops, or if you’re an organic farmer, student farmer, cowboy, cowgirl, or just a farmer wanna be! How many singles sites do that?!

Related pages at this blog:

Those Times When You’re Glad to be a Celibate, Single Christian – 2 [Dating Site for People with Herpes]

Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.

Why Online Dating Does Not Work

Pandering to the Youth – Parallel Between Politics and Contemporary Christianity

Pandering to the Youth

I feel this commentary by Rush Limbaugh about political parties pandering to youth these days can just as easily apply to how American denominations and churches are forever chasing after and pandering to youth:

(Link): Pandering to Millennials Will Ruin the GOP

Excerpts:

I understand the desire and need for people of younger generations to be heard and acknowledged. I totally get that.

But the truth is that it is up to you to be heard, up to you to get noticed, up to you to stand out. You are not entitled to be respected just because of your age. The only exception is the Seasoned Citizen population, which is the greatest collection of wisdom in the country (I don’t expect you to believe that).

You can demand to be respected, recognized, and listened to all day long, but understand that no one has any obligation to listen to you. You are going to have to make them want to … by virtue of your achievements. By demonstrating potential. By being interesting. Yes, even by being provocative. Fearless.

Everyone has the right to speak, but we do not have a right to be listened to. No one has a constitutional right to be heard. In other words, don’t sit around and wait and hope or demand that somebody listen to you. Take action. Be heard, but above all, make something happen.

…. I think a political party that reaches out to groups and demographics with ideas that lack cohesion is a party destined to lose because it will fragment. A party has to be about a universal set of principles and ideas that attract all kinds of people from all walks of life. All ages, all genders, all orientations. It has been done recently. Ronald Reagan won two landslide elections in 1980 and 1984. You can tailor your message for individual groups, but not your principles.
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Regarding:

“A party has to be about a universal set of principles and ideas that attract all kinds of people from all walks of life. All ages, all genders, all orientations.”

I think that is one thing Jesus Christ set out to do with the church, but today’s American Christianity is focused exclusively on these types of people:
1. Youth (children/ teens/ single 20 somethings)
2. Married couples (of ages 20 something to about 50)
3. Parents
So that many people who don’t fit any one of those categories feels excluded, and they drift away from the faith, or stop attending church.

How Did this Idiot Get A Wife? – ‘They’re Married?!’ Series

How Did this Idiot Get A Wife? – ‘They’re Married?!’ Series

(Link): Things That Make You Go Hmmm …

Letter to an advice columnist, “Dear Prudence”:

I’d like to give my new love the hardly used vibrator of my deceased wife. That cool?

  • Dear Prudence,
    In the summer of 2011 my wife and I purchased a top-of-the-line Jopen vibrator. We used it a few times and were just beginning to really integrate it into our sex lives when my wife died suddenly of a heart attack. (The vibrator had nothing to do with that.)
  • Now, more than a year later, I’ve begun to date again. I’ve met a woman with an open mind, and I’m thinking she might be interested in using the vibrator.
  • But I’m not sure how, or whether, to suggest it. Is it creepy to offer a dead woman’s vibrator to someone else? And if so what else can I do with it? Sell it on Craigslist?

    It’s an expensive piece of equipment, barely used, and it should be employed (and loved) once again.

    All of my wife’s other major possessions found wonderful new homes with dear friends of hers. But then again, a vibrator’s got a different—well, vibe about it. Sell it, toss it, or share it?
    —Oscillating

What. The. Hell. Dude?

Ewww. Gross. And how is it that a moron like this gets a spouse, then a girlfriend… and meanwhile, I’m still single? Just wow.

Why Marriage Is Good for Your Health — Until You Get Sick (copy)

Why Marriage Is Good for Your Health — Until You Get Sick

(Link): Why Marriage Is Good for Your Health — Until You Get Sick

It’s supposed to last through sickness and in health, but it turns out that it’s a better idea to get married because you love someone, not because you think it’s going to keep you healthy for the long haul.

That’s the message from a study published this month in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, which contradicts previous research that extolled the health benefits of partnership. It turns out that marriage is all well and good — until a person’s health starts declining.

….But while “marriage is good for health, … its protective effect declines as people’s health declines,” says Zheng.

What’s going on? Does love fade as health fades? That’s hard to document from the studies analyzed, but part of the explanation may be more prosaic. Married people are not as quick to report declining health as unmarried people. So by the time a married person cops to having failing health, that person may already be in dire straits.

2008 Audio Interview with Julia Duin About Christian Singles

2008 Audio Interview with Julia Duin About Christian Singles

(Link): Interview About Christian Singles with Julia Duin, author of “Quitting Church”

The interview also covers the subjects of unanswered prayer, how single mothers are ignored and single women marginalized, Christian views on sex, and other topics are covered.

I recommend this interview a lot. If you are over 35 and never married, and were a Christian at any time (or still are one), you will totally relate to this discussion. I tried to embed the audio into this post two ways, but neither one worked.

American Colleges Want Your Sex

American Colleges Want Your Sex

According to a Yale graduate, Yale (and a lot of colleges) want your sex too!

This guy wrote a book (see links below) where he explains that many American colleges host “sex week” where nude porno actresses perform sex acts in front of students, sex toy manufacturers display and market sex toys to students on campuses, and so on.

(Link: God and Sex At Yale, by By Harden, Nathan (book for sale))

(Link): Sex Week: God, Yale and a Good Education Gone Bad (interview with the author)

I remember growing up in the 1980s and 1990s and all the secular feminists telling me that to be truly empowered that I ought to be having lots of sex, with as many partners as I wanted, and as often as I wanted.

As I have discussed in previous posts, churches are telling me that God is “pro sex” and wants me to have a great sex life.

Now colleges are getting in on it too.

All these people telling me to have sex.

Churches want my sex. Universities want my sex. Feminists want my sex. Horn dog idiots on dating sites want my sex. Day-um, I am popular. American culture sure as hell is obsessed with sex.
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—Links to Previous Related Posts on This Blog—

The Church Wants Your Sex – Part 1 (Ed Young’s Sexperiment)

The Church Wants Your Sex Part 2 – ‘Your Lame Sex Life’

The Church Wants Your Sex Part 2 – ‘Your Lame Sex Life’

The Church Wants Your Sex Part 2 – ‘Your Lame Sex Life’ church sponsored site

Church sponsored site:

(Link: My Lame Sex [Life] site)

(Link: Lame Sex Lame Excuses (video on You Tube))

(Link: Lame Sex (entire video SERIES on You Tube))

The sex site and sex series is from CCF AZ (Cornerstone Christian Fellowship in Arizona).

So, to the guys and pastor at Cornerstone Christian Fellowship in AZ… what sermons or advice do you have for over -40- years- of- age, never married, or over age 30 singles, who haven’t had sex yet? Or do we not matter? (click the “read more” link to read the rest of the post)
Continue reading “The Church Wants Your Sex Part 2 – ‘Your Lame Sex Life’”

The Church Wants Your Sex – Video For Ed Young’s ‘Sexperiment’

1980s British pop singer George Michael isn’t the only one who wants your sex. Churches do, too.

(By the way, I find the whole ‘George Michael was a sex symbol for lots of women back in the 80s and singing a song telling hetero-sexual people to want sex thing’ oh so funny considering he later came out as a flaming homosexual who has sex with men he’s never met before in parks.)

You remember Ed Young’s “Sexperiment.” Sure you do! (Link: Ed Young’s Controversial ‘Sexperiment’ Book Debuts on NY Times Best Sellers List)

Now, there’s a…

(Link): Sexperiment Launch Kit (video)

In the cheese ball video, we’re told that “strengthening marriages will strengthen the church”

I see. So who cares about all the never-married, divorced, and widowed Christians in your church and strengthening them? Nobody, it would seem.
___________________________________________
—Links to Previous Related Posts on This Blog—

I see you’ve never heard of Mark Driscoll

Pastor on TV: ‘Churches don’t talk about sex enough’ -is he kidding?

Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

Part 2, The Parable of the Neglected Unmarried – Single – Christian

Topics: Friendship is Possible / Sexualization By Culture Of All Relationships

Is Celibacy a Sin? The NYT Has a View – by W. Mead

Is Celibacy a Sin? The NYT Has a View – by W. Mead

One of my issues with this editorial is that it, like many other editorials about celibacy, keeps discussing celibacy in terms of Roman Catholicism. I have never been Roman Catholic. I was brought up in the Southern Baptist Church and made a voluntary decision as a young girl to remain celibate (until marriage).

Not all celibates are Roman Catholics. This is a fact that needs to be acknowledged more.

Not all celibates are homosexual, either, yet homosexuality is, annoyingly, usually at the crux of these sorts of discussions.

(Link:) Is Celibacy a Sin? The NYT Has a View, by Walter Mead

Excerpts:

Over at the New York Times where hostility to all things Roman Catholic is a longstanding tradition, Frank Bruni has mixed a unique cocktail of one part sharp observation, two parts confusion about Christian teaching, a dash of schadenfreude and splash of scandal.

It is, in other words, business as usual at the newspaper of record, where passionate disagreement verging into bitter resentment at the sexual teachings of the Catholic Church (that homosexuals can’t marry, heterosexuals can’t divorce, and that abortion is the willful destruction of innocent human life) is almost as widespread as hatred of the KKK.

… For those looking to cast stones at the Vatican there is no shortage of ammunition at hand, and Bruni’s piece, entitled “The Wages of Celibacy,” gives us a full measure of Catholic woe: tortured, self-rejecting gay priests and maybe cardinals and archbishops, ‘elite’ rings of transsexual prostitutes, hints of Vatican blackmail, pedophilia and tragic isolation. (Dowd takes it closer to the bone in a column dripping with juicy innuendoes about the Pope Emeritus’ relationship with his private secretary.)

All these troubles, Bruni maintains, spring from priestly celibacy and homosexual repression. Bruni’s core message is that celibacy is a “trap,” a bad idea all round:

No matter what a person’s sexual orientation, the celibate culture runs the risk of stunting its development and turning sexual impulses into furtive, tortured gestures. It downplays a fundamental and maybe irresistible human connection. Is it any wonder that some priests try to make that connection nonetheless, in surreptitious, imprudent and occasionally destructive ways?

…There are good arguments against a celibate priesthood, even in the special context of Roman Catholic doctrine about the nature and function of priests. It’s not, however, clear that these arguments are as strong as Bruni and many others assume.

The last time I looked, college football coaches, BBC celebrities, public school teachers and scout leaders weren’t required to be celibate, but we’ve seen high profile sexual scandals in these fields—complete with coverups. Horatio Alger was a Unitarian minister when he was fired for “unnatural familiarity” with boys, and there have been some recent high profile cases of married Jewish and Protestant religious leaders involved in inappropriate sex with young people.

Human sexuality is tricky ground; many married people have from time to time resorted to exactly the kind of “furtive, tortured gestures” that Bruni thinks characterize celibacy. Few of us live up to our own sexual ideals or standards; gay or straight, single or married, drunk or sober, large numbers of human beings look back on certain incidents with sadness and regret.
Continue reading “Is Celibacy a Sin? The NYT Has a View – by W. Mead”

How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

How Christians Keep Christians Single part 3 – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

Christian males are being taught to turn their noses up at perfectly good Christian single women due to complementarian gender role teachings and unrealistic ideas about female beauty. Read it here:

(Link): Feminism and Me: When I cannot cook but I am still a person by Emily Joy Allison

Excerpts:
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The first time I began to wonder if perhaps the evangelical narrative of gender roles I’d absorbed needed a little tweaking, I was 19 years old and finishing my first year of bible college, and I was in love with him. I sometimes like to think that he was in love with me too (a story for another day), but only to the extent that a heart as superficial as his could possibly be. One morning after a particularly intense cup of coffee the night before, I woke up to a novel in my inbox which basically boiled down to “I like you but you are unsuitable because you are initiatory in your relationships with men and also you cannot clean or cook.”

I began to ask questions like, So what if I can’t cook? So what if I’m expressive in my relationships with men? Does that make me less desirable as a spouse? Is this what the church is teaching people these days? Does every Christian man feel this way?

As it turned out, a lot of them did.
Continue reading “How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical”

Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

In a previous post, I mentioned that the most neglected group in most churches are the never- married adults over the age of 30 / 35.

I realize that some churches and Christians are pretty bad about treating divorced people like failures or lepers, but based on my observation, divorced people are at least acknowledged to exist – which is a step above being (almost) always ignored if you are a never-married Christian.

Almost every church I’ve been to personally, or driven by (based on their “we have divorce care meetings here” signs), or seen on television, at least mention divorced people. Most churches have a “divorce recovery” group.

So most churches and preachers at least realize there are divorced Christians, and mention them on occasion, or set up ministries to address their needs.

One church I went to for several months would place free copies of a Christian magazine on their tables each week, free for anyone who wanted to pick up a copy. I used to take a copy when I would walk by and read it later. At least once every other month or so, this magazine would have interviews with infertile married Christian women.

I have seen professional Christian online publications run the occasional story on infertility of Christian married couples.

While most American churches do place an inordinate amount of attention on marriage and parenting / children, leading some infertile women to complain they feel ignored (such as the cranky infertile woman I mentioned half way down the page (Link): in this post), the fact remains that infertiles and the divorced do GET MENTIONED in most churches or in Christian culture from time to time.

So do single mothers. I am always hearing male pastors on Christian TV shows giving shout outs to the single moms in the viewing audience. Many of them say they were raised by a single mother and know how hard it is.

Rarely, rarely, rarely, do I hear ministers, or see Christian publications, mention never-married Christian adults over the age of 35.

Sunday School classes for adult singles ages 35 – 50 rarely exist. When and if they do exist, they serve as ghettos to drop singles off and forget about them. Most churches expend little money or effort to actually helping singles with their own set of needs, even within the “singles Sunday school classes”.

So there you have it.

One of the most neglected and overlooked group of people in the church are never-married (not by choice) and childless Christians over the age of 35.

Related posts on this blog:

(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians Re: Marriage

(Link): Part 2, The Parable of the Neglected Unmarried – Single – Christian
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(P.S.) I have tagged this post with the terms “women” and “gender roles” because most churches only acknowledge and make room for wives, ex-wives, and mothers.

If you are an older lady who has never married or popped out a kid, churches ignore you or treat you like dirt, or like a freak. They apparently feel the ONLY roles God has in mind for women is motherhood and marriage. Any woman who does not fit either mould is ignored or treated rudely.

You’re only wanted in Christian communities and considered normal if you are a woman who is married with a kid, or at least divorced with a kid. Being ignored or treated like a freak, if you are noticed at all, goes even more so if you are a Christian woman past age 35 who is still abstaining from sexual activity.

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More Related Posts

(Link):  Depressing Testimony: “I Was A Stripper but Jesus Sent Me A Great Christian Husband”

(Link):  Your Church’s Mother’s Day Carnation is Not Worth Any Woman’s Broken Heart – A Critique of ‘When Mother’s Day Feels Like a Minefield’ by L. L. Fields

(Link): Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity by K. Becker

(Link): Adult Singles Do Not Need A Marital Partner to Be Whole or Complete

(Link):  Facebook’s motherhood challenge makes me want to punch my computer screen by F. Everett

(Link):  The Obligatory, “Oh, but if you’re single you can still benefit from my marriage sermon” line 

(Link):  Family as “The” Backbone of Society?

(Link):  Pew for One: How Is the Church Responding to Growing Number of Singles?

(Link):   Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians | Re: Marriage Not Happening for Hetero-sexual Christians Over the Age of 30

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): Singleness Is Not A Gift

(Link): ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles by Bella DePaulo  

(Link):  Jesus Christ Removed the Stigma, Shame From Being Single and Childless – by David Instone Brewer

(Link): Statistics Show Single Adults Now Outnumber Married Adults in the United States (2014)

(Link):  Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate and Virgin Shaming

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link): A Response to the Hemingway Editorial ‘Fecundophobia’ – conservatives and Christians continue to idolize children, marriage – which is unbiblical

(Link): The Bible Does Not Teach Christians to “Focus On The Family” – The Idolization of Family by American Christians (article)

(Link):  Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

(Link):  Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link):  “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link):  Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link): Christian ‘Married People’ Privilege – Most Marrieds Remain Amazingly Blinded to Christian Discrimination Against Singles Or Write Unmarrieds’ Concerns Off, As Though They Are Nothing Compared to Marriage/ Parenting.
Marrieds and Parents also turn every thing into them, about them, about marriage and their needs/ problems

(Link): Candice Watters and Boundless Blog Gets It Wrong / Christian prolonged singlehood singleness singles ignored

(Link): Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.

(Link): 34 Year Old Single Woman Harassed by Relatives at Wedding Over Why She Is Not Married Yet Asks How To Get Them to STFU About Her Singleness

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy”

(Link): Article: My Savior My Spouse? – Is God or Jesus Your Husband Isaiah 54:5

(Link):  You Will Be Ignored After Your Spouse Dies

How Christians Keep Christians Single part 2 – The Unmarried Movie

How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 2) – The Unmarried Movie

See previous post about this topic: (Link): Christian Teachings on Relationships Are One Reasons Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

(Link): BGBC Survivors Blog has several good posts about singleness in Christianity, by Julie Anne. I believe she has a new blog now, and the old one is shut down.

Here is one post at the old blog location where Julie Anne discusses a video advertising a movie called “Unmarried,” and where she also discusses how Christian teachings about dating, gender, marriage, and sex, are unintentionally keeping singles single.

(Link to blog post): The UnMarried Movie: Singleness as a Result of Rigid and Controlled Parenting

(Link to video itself, on You Tube):

(Link): The Unmarried Movie Trailer, on You Tube

The man in the video describes singleness – or maybe he meant specifically delayed marriage – as a “problem.” Well, yes, prolonged singleness is a problem for those of us who wanted marriage, were assured by Christian leaders if we just had enough faith that marriage would happen, but it did not happen for us.

But to treat singleness as a problem in and of itself is biblically inaccurate and a slap in the face to and an insult to singles, whether they chose to remain single or did not choose to remain single.

The man in the video says that delayed marriage and the “rise of singleness” means there is “no future for the church.”

Only someone who truly idolizes marriage and who grossly misunderstands singlehood could arrive at that conclusion. Christ taught that the church would be increased through preaching of the Gospel to the unsaved, not through patriarchy, or through marriage, or by Christians having babies.

I’d also add that the constant worry over marriage and lack of marriage taking place is another form of IGNORING SINGLE PEOPLE and THEIR NEEDS.

Most churches, from the main stream to the nutty fringe churches, will pay you no notice until and unless you are married.

Instead of continually obsessing on marriage and why it’s not taking place, why don’t these churches start to pay attention to the singles they already have now, singles of all ages, and meet them where they are? Their only need is not to get married. While they live alone, they have other needs and problems.

Here are some excepts from Julie Anne’s page about the video:

—- start quote [by Julie Anne] —

And then there were the purity rules – no boy or girl should ever be alone together. Relationships had to go through the father, girls were given purity rings by their fathers (and mothers) and they pledged to remain virgins until marriage, sometimes signing a covenant . . . . and so on.

As I was thinking about modesty and purity, it made me wonder about the movie, UnMarried. Do you suppose all of these modesty and purity rules may have backfired and contributed to the growing number of singles? The people behind the UnMarried movie come from the patriarchal background. They believe in moms having lots and lots of babies to populate the earth with more Christians. Singleness remains a threat to their way of doing things because no babies means fewer Christians in future generations (as if they are the ones who determines if their child was elect, right?).

For years these [Christian] kids were told [by churches and Christian parents] don’t look at the opposite sex, don’t lust, don’t touch. And now the producers of this movie are telling these same young adults: hurry up and get married. Perhaps they might even say these singles are in sin and preempting God’s plans for His church by their “prolonged adolescence”. I’ve certainly read it before by folks within this movement.

Yup, I think it backfired. It is my opinion that the movie, UnMarried is an attempt at damage control. They are trying to recover from the mess they made by their ridiculous rules of making sure their children were completely modest and virginal. Legalism backfires, people. It just does not work the way people want. It usually produces extremes. In my former church, the result of this kind of legalism was a lot of young adults acting out sexually. It can go the other direction, too – prolonged singleness. They’ve raised a bunch of adult children who have difficulty functioning normally in a mixed-sex society. They may be afraid to look at the opposite sex for fear of lust and sin. They may be afraid to talk to someone of the opposite sex because they aren’t married yet and fear, What would people think? In most circles I am familiar with, a young couple would not be allowed to go to even Starbucks alone unless a little sibling tagged along.

—end quote—

Read the rest of that post (Link): here, and check out the rest of her blog for other posts about singlehood.

Churches really need to start meeting the needs of singles of ALL AGES as they are currently, instead of only obsessing on getting the under- age- 25 singles married off.

The under age 25 age group might have other needs – why do the churches only care about their marital status?

The Bible does not teach that Christians are to be this marriage- minded.

The Bible does not condemn singles who want marriage, but it does not foster this bizarre, overly narrow fixation on marriage nor does it treat singlehood in this derogatory fashion, as though singlehood is a disease that can lead to the ruin of civilzation.

As long as the pagans keep having babies, there are plenty of them to convert to Christianity; ergo, the church will not die off if Christians stop having marriage and babies of their own. There will always be plenty of pagan kids and pagan adults to give the Gospel message to.

These Christians who are so insanely marriage- and parenting- obsessed need to trust God more. Instead, they are trying to rely wholly on their own effort (procreation of their own, or preaching fertility to other Christians) to repopulate God’s kingdom. God says in the New Testament that his kingdom will now be repopulated through sharing of the Gospel.

Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reasons Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

I’ve discussed this before, but it’s worth mentioning in its own post:

Many Christians say they are concerned that more and more Christians are not marrying at all, or not marrying until later in life. They don’t understand why.

One of several reasons single Christians are remaining single is due to typical teaching about dating and marriage from most conservative Christian preachers, bloggers, and authors.

Because many Christians remain terrified of other Christians possibly getting involved in fornication, most of their relationship advice, even to unmarried Christians over the age of 35, comes down to: stay away from the opposite sex.

Telling females to stay away from males and vice versa, will only result in keeping Christian singles single.

Other approaches, such as “courting” and telling Christians to “date in groups” doesn’t work, either.

I can understand the group dating approach for teens or maybe blind dates, but for adults over the age of 25?

Evangelicals and Baptists guarantee prolonged or life long singleness by making the dating process convoluted and making singles paranoid of the opposite sex, or acting as though each and every meeting between the genders can and will end in sex.

If Christians want Christians to marry, and they keep saying they do, they need to stop advising Christian singles to stay away from singles of the opposite gender.

That should be obvious, but in many areas of American Christianity, it’s not.

–Some Christian Women Shy Away From Marriage Due to “Biblical Gender Complementarian” Teachings–

On another note, I’ve seen several younger Christian ladies say on other blogs that one reason they stay single is that they are afraid to get married.

They are afraid to get married because many churches teach ‘biblical gender complementarian’ garbage.

Continue reading “Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)”

Christian ‘Married People’ Privilege – Marrieds Think Single Life = Easy / Marrieds and Parents Turn All Topics Into Them And Their Needs / Problems

Christian ‘Married People’ Privilege – Most Marrieds Remain Amazingly Blinded to Christian Discrimination Against Singles Or Write Unmarrieds’ Concerns Off, As Though They Are Nothing Compared to Marriage/ Parenting.

Marrieds and Parents also turn every thing into them, about them, about marriage and their needs/ problems

I sometimes hear left wing people talk about “white privilege” or “male privilege,” and how it blinds white people or males to the true struggles that people of color or females face in American culture.

I’m not left wing myself, but I do kind of see what they’re saying, to a point.

I think there is something similar at work in marriage vs singleness, which I will call “Marriage Privilege.”

Married people, including Christian couples, don’t often notice the discrimination churches and Christian organizations dish out against Christian unmarried people. If they do happen to notice, they don’t care and take no action to rectify it.

I am going to change some details in the following story so as not to expose exactly who was involved and where, but you should get the idea of what went down.

I was at a discussion board where the moderator began a thread discussing how dismally and terribly churches treat unmarried Christians.

The moderator asked for singles to share their woes and tales.

Lo and behold if not even a third of the way or so into the thread when a MARRIED MAN who HAS A KID jumped in to complain how tough marriage and parenting is, and how his single friends just don’t get it.

I shall call him “Oblivious Doofus Guy.”

ODG (Oblivious Doofus Guy) mentioned he totally understands how tough un-married Christians have things, because he did not marry until he was 34 years old.

Even though much of American church culture is aimed at married people and parents, this married guy still shows up to complain about married life and parenting – in a thread for un-married people to discuss their situations.

Leave it to a married person (and parent to boot) to commandeer a thread FOR SINGLES to bitch and moan about how hard married life and parenting is.

Then, on top of that, to complain that his single buddies just don’t get it, and how the single pals don’t want to hang out with him at 7 A.M. when he takes his kid to soccer practice.

(Please click the “read more” link to read the rest of the post)

Continue reading “Christian ‘Married People’ Privilege – Marrieds Think Single Life = Easy / Marrieds and Parents Turn All Topics Into Them And Their Needs / Problems”

*They’re Married?!?* Does God Require Singles to Be Perfect Before He Will Send Them a Spouse

They’re Married?? – Does God Require Singles to Be Perfect Before He Will Send Them a Spouse – (Part 3) (see previous posts in this series (Link): by clicking here)

At the risk of coming across like a big meanie, here is part 3 in an on-going, “They’re married??” series.

Why am I doing this?

Because there is false, un-biblical teachings from some American Christians that singles who want marriage must qualify in some manner before God will permit them marriage or send them a spouse.

Common requirements spouted off by Christians to un-married Christians to merit marriage, are listed as follows (there are others, but they escape me at the moment):

  • You cannot have any “baggage” (i.e, have flaws, history of any sin at all, made mistakes in your life)
  • You have to be “content in your singleness” at all times
  • You have to be spiritually mature
  • You have to be thin and good-looking (for females; hypocritically, this standard is not applied to males 99% of the time by most Christians)

According to most Christian advice for Christian singles in blogs or books or television programs, an unmarried Christian must obtain pure, total sanctification in this life time and reach perfection, otherwise God will not send them a mate.

However, I have seen plenty of spiritually immature, old- fashioned- regular immature, stupid, poor, idiotic, ugly, fat Christians get married. So obviously, God is not holding brains, maturity, contentment, or whatever else, up as requirements for marriage.

The Old Testament alludes to the fact that Leah was not “easy on the eyes,” and was older than her sister Rachel, yet she got married first, to Jacob. So much for the common teaching among Christians that women have to look like, or be, perpetual 20 year old, stick thin blonde movie goddesses before they can get a man.

Next up is this photo of this newly married couple (I did not write the word “moar” on it; I found the photo like this on another site).

Notice that the groom and bride, (at least in my opinion, and I’d wager in most people’s opinions), are not all that physically attractive. Both are overweight:

Wedding Cake
Wedding Cake Photo

So, contrary to most advice aimed at Christian ladies on the internet and in books, a woman does not have to be stick thin to get a husband.

Though I can see how it may take a bit longer for un-attractive people to land a spouse, given how shallow and entitled some Christian men are about physical appearance.

Still, it is not out of the realm of possibility for a chunky woman to get a man. I am fit and thin myself, but being pretty / thin is no guarantee of getting a mate, either.


Related Posts:

(Link):  Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link): How Married Christians, Churches, Conservative Christianity and Christian Dating Advice Books and Teachings about Sex, and Sexuality Purity are Keeping Christians Single Into Their 30s, 40s, and Older

(Link):  The Holy Spirit Sanctifies a Person Not A Spouse – Weekly Christian Marriage Advice Column Pokes Holes in Christian Stereotype that Marriage Automatically Sanctifies People

(Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers

(Link):  Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages

(Link): Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even Celebrities Have A Hard Time

(Link):  Depressing Testimony: “I Was A Stripper but Jesus Sent Me A Great Christian Husband”

(Link):  Some Christians Have Some Very Strange, Unsettling,  Creepy, or Authoritarian Ideas About Marriage, Divorce, or Mate Selection – and they think they should make your life choices for you

(Link):  Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work

(Link): Typical Incorrect Conservative Christian Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough, Mr. Right will magically appear

Christians and Ageism – Under Age 15 Favored / Declining Youth Church Memership

Christians and Ageism

I’ve noted before how Christians tend to be very ageist, particularly when it comes to unmarried individuals. Most churches and Christian organizations expend the most time, money, effort and concern on singles under the age of 30. If you are unmarried over 30, to most churches, you don’t exist.

(Someone on another blog suggested one reason – the real reason – many churches are so reluctant to allow divorce or to minister to singles or divorced people, is that unmarried people likely do not contribute tithes as often.

Married couples who work have two incomes to tithe off, but when they divorce, one of them will leave that church, which makes one less tithe for that church. I thought this was an interesting idea and probably correct. Most preachers these days are more concerned with money (and control) than with the human beings sitting in their pews.)

I don’t understand why, but there is also a lot of concern by Christians of the fact that a lot of Christians drop out of church by the time they are age 18 to 20. So one will frequently see preachers having fits over this and forever plotting and scheming how to get the young folks back.

I saw a recent episode of Life Today where two hosts from a Christian group called “Teen Impact” were interviewed.

These guys explain that they send Christian athletes into grade schools to instill good values and so on.

The part that stood out to me was when the guy said people ask him why doesn’t his group visit high schools?

He said because it’s too late by then. They would rather focus on grade schoolers.

He went on to give an analogy to wet concrete. He says elementary age school kids are like “wet concrete,” very easy to influence and shape, middle school kids needed a stick to stir because they were beginning to dry, and the high school kids needed a jack hammer because they were already set.

I suppose if you are looking at things from strictly a pragmatic view, that makes sense, but it almost sounds like, “Screw the high school aged set because they are older and therefore harder to reach, so we will ignore them to go after the fourth graders.”

It is strange how the same group of Christians who claim to be concerned for youth (and who typically ignore older singles or their needs), can be discriminatory or lax towards even teenagers (those ages 15 to 19).

As for the Christians who make much hay out of the fact that teen children of Christian parents cease attending church by the time they are 18 or 20 years old:

Christ never said that the church body would be replenished by biological off spring of Christian parents.

In so far as churches can fix whatever is alienating to youth and driving them away from church, because the same factors may be alienating other groups from church attendance (such as unmarried adults over the age of 30, widowers, or homosexuals, or whomever else), fine.

But if this concern is motivated by the idea that the church can grow only, or primarily, by sons and daughters of Christian parents attending church services, this is not altogether a biblical view. The Bible says that Christians are to witness to un-saved non-family outside of the church, not to just flesh and blood family.

Churches should spend less time trying to re- evangelize the bored or put- off 20 year old son of Christian parents, and expend more energy meeting the needs of older church members, and reaching and evangelizing the Non-Christians in their community.
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Related posts this blog

(Link): Churches Idolize Youth But Do Nothing to Protect Them

(Link): Christians and Ageism – Under Age 15 Favored / Declining Youth Church Memership

(Link): Youth Fixation in Churches and how it alienates older Christians

(Link): Pandering to the Youth – Parallel Between Politics and Contemporary Christianity

(Link): Elder / Senior Abuse and Neglect – Christians need to stop worshipping youth – there are other needy groups out there

(Link): Getting People Back to Church / Christian Event Targeting ‘Apathetic’ Youth *BARF*

(Link): I Don’t Care That The Millennials Are Leaving Church – Churches Ignore Age 40 Forties 40+ Generation X Mid Life

(Link): Married Youth Pastor Father of Four Caught Raping and Molesting Several Little Boys claims the molesting kept the boys sexually pure and cures them of homosexuality

(Link): Ignatius the Ultimate Youth Pastor & Teaching Christian Singles About Sex

(Link): Response to the Hemingway Editorial ‘Fecundophobia’ – conservatives and Christians continue to idolize children, marriage – which is unbiblical