Ageism and Singlehood: Ask Amy Columnist

(Click the “more” link below to read the entire post.)

The woman responsible for writing the “Ask Amy” advice column (let’s call her “Amy”) issued an apology today, after receiving a lot of critical letters, although I have to say it wasn’t much of an apology.

(I will reproduce the “Ask Amy” letters much farther below.)

Amy’s apology came across as rather half-hearted and “jokey.” It would’ve helped if she was more contrite, serious, and sincere.

Amy does not seem to realize or care that it is possible to be critical of the “cougar” trend without insulting or degrading women who are over the age of 40.

I am still in my late 30s, but I find the ageism against women (and men) over age 40 appalling.

Continue reading “Ageism and Singlehood: Ask Amy Columnist”

Ageism and Singlehood

click the “more” link  below to read the entire post.

One thing that disturbs me as a never-married woman who is in her late 30s are the number of ageist comments I see on the internet and in advice columns telling women who are 35 or older that they’re “too old” to get married, that no man can possibly want them.

Continue reading “Ageism and Singlehood”

Five Things Single Women Hate to Hear

Click the “more” link below to read the entire article

I spotted this on what appears to be a secular blog,, but I think Christian females should be able to relate to it.

Five Things Single Women Hate to Hear

by Julie D. Andrews

Every time she hung out with her single female friends, the same gripes surfaced. Enough already with the how-to-snag-a-guy advice streaming from anyone and everyone as soon as status single was announced, they said.

Suddenly, Karin Anderson, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Concordia University Chicago, found herself keeping track of what these single women were saying, replacing the strict academic research techniques she was used to with more informal polling.

What she found was a deluge of well-meaning advice being issued to singles that, while offered with the best of intentions, not only wasn’t working but was making singles’ skin crawl.

“The message to singles tends to be that they’re doing something wrong, ‘You’re too this’ or ‘You’re not enough that.’ Being single is treated as this problem that needs to be solved,” says Anderson. “That’s really bogus. We should be telling single women, ‘You’re fine. There’s nothing wrong. Enjoy your life.’”

Continue reading “Five Things Single Women Hate to Hear”

Desire for Marriage is Idolatry?

Desire for Marriage is Idolatry?

Recently at a Christian site, I once again ran across the annoying assumption or implication that desiring marriage is idolatry.

I was reading through a Christian site the other day,, and decided to skim through their Q&A (Question and Answer) section pertaining to marriage.

Someone wrote in to the site to say that she had a never-married 33 year old female friend who was feeling rather hopeless about the situation. (Her question can be viewed here.)

This friend wanted to know what she could say to cheer this friend up.

I’m sure the Christian fellow who responded, Bob Deffinbaugh, meant well, but one idea he tossed out there was to say, essentially, that the 33 year old woman had better be certain that she desired God above all else.

Deffinbaugh seemed to imply that if the 33 year old was desiring marriage at all (or perhaps he meant to convey if she was desiring marriage more than she was desiring God), that God would never send her a spouse.

I have to disagree with this assessment for a few reasons.

Continue reading “Desire for Marriage is Idolatry?”

Cannot Stand Rod Parsley – Greedy Pastor

Rod Parsley is one of the “Prosperity Gospel” frauds on TBN, and he has his own daily television show.

I was channel surfing today and watched a little of his show “Breakthrough.”

The topic of the program was fear.

The end of the show wound up being an appeal for money.

Continue reading “Cannot Stand Rod Parsley – Greedy Pastor”

Christian Heresy Hunters, Discernment Sites – some musings

Christian Heresy Hunters, Discernment Sites – some musings

I do think there is a need and a place for Christians who teach other believers about false teachings and to expose false teachers for what they are.

I do not consider it sinful, wrong, or automatically unloving for a Christian to judge or condemn the unbiblical teachings of other Christians, especially that of prominent pastors, and to publicize it on the internet.

I do, however, have a few misgivings or problems with such sites.

Continue reading “Christian Heresy Hunters, Discernment Sites – some musings”

Annoying: Some Married Women Including Some Infertile Ones

Annoying: Some Married Women Including Some Infertile Ones

As I was saying in a previous post, I do try to be sensitive to other people’s problems, but my patience gets tried at times.

I get quickly irritated by married women who are very vocal and extremely emotional about wanting to be mothers, and yet they cannot get pregnant.

These married women should, in my opinion, feel grateful that they are at least married, but they complain and weep bitterly on other people’s blogs, forums, and on TV shows that they cannot get pregnant.

I never hear infertile, married women express the sentiment that “I feel glad that I at least I have a husband.”

Continue reading “Annoying: Some Married Women Including Some Infertile Ones”

People’s Insensitivity: “Just Get Over It”

Over my life, I have come across insensitive people.

The sort of people who you confide in because you’re upset, worried, frustrated, or have a broken heart, and instead of replying with empathy, support, and words of love and encouragement, they belittle, criticize, or judge you.

This letter to the advice columnist “Ask Amy” (that I’ve posted below) reminded me of insensitive people I’ve met before, including my sister.

There’s also a fat preacher on TV who sometimes yells at his congregation (and I find this somewhat annoying),
“Are you still angry or hurting over something bad someone did to you ten, twenty years ago? Well, GET OVER IT!”

I do admit that there’s a grain of truth in that philosophy of “getting over it.”

I do believe that some people hold on to past hurts way too long (I’m guilty of this at times), and it’s better, for your own sake, to let old hurts go.

At the same time, I find it kind of irritating when people scream at other people to “just get over it.”

Being wounded and hurt by other people is something one has to work through, and it usually takes a long time to do so.

There’s usually no such thing as instantly “getting over it,” so anytime I hear someone bark that line (or something similar to it) at wounded people, I want to smack them.

Here’s the letter to Ask Amy:

    Dear Amy: How would you respond to someone whose answer for everything is, “Get over it!”? 

    I have a friend who throws that phrase around constantly. I can’t confide anything to her or describe a problem a friend may be having, because her response is always the same: “You need to get over that, and fast.”

    I feel as if she’s telling me that my worries or concerns are not real and that I’m wasting my time even thinking about them.

    Some of my other friends have completely dropped her because of her callous phrase. They got sick of hearing it. I’m almost at that point too! I would never tell her to “get over it” if she came to me with a problem or a sad story. How can I tell her how rude she is? — Almost Over Her

    Dear Almost: From time to time, readers will suggest that I should tell people who share their problems to “get over it,” but I maintain that people who reach out are trying to “get over it” by looking for some guidance and support. Sometimes they just want to tell their story in their own way and feel they’re being heard.

    You are correct that this person is diminishing and denigrating you. What you don’t know is whether this phrase is an accurate reflection of her low opinion of you or more a terrible rhetorical habit.

    Before you drop this friend, you should do her the favor of saying, “When you tell me to ‘get over’ every issue I choose to share with you, what I hear is that my questions and problems are very trivial and that you don’t really want for me to be in a serious friendship with you.”

    You should give your friend an opportunity to explain herself. Perhaps she will even try to modify her behavior. If she can’t (or won’t), then you will join the legion of her former friends.

Boundless Asks: Is Boundless Biased Against Single Women?

Please click the “more” link below to read the entire post

After skimming over various articles at Boundless, especially the ones about single Christian females who are over the age of 25, yes, I’d say they’re biased. I try to avoid their site.

Here is a link to a page at their blog:

Is Boundless Biased Against Single Women? by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin

Continue reading “Boundless Asks: Is Boundless Biased Against Single Women?”

Topics Preachers Should or Shouldn’t Mention When Discussing Singlehood

Here are a few suggestions as to what I think Christian pastors and Christian talk show hosts should (or should not) preach or discuss when addressing Christian singlehood.*

Sex, Sex, Sex and More Sex

I think sex is one topic that Christian pastors need to stay away from when talking to or about singlehood, or they need to stop lecturing about it as often as they do.

Anytime pastors or Christian personalities (such as people who host Christian television shows) do bother to address singles (usually they’re fixated on married life, unfortunately), it’s usually nothing more than to issue dire warnings about not giving in to sexual sin.

Continue reading “Topics Preachers Should or Shouldn’t Mention When Discussing Singlehood”

List of Christian Singlehood Annoyances, Part 2

Click the “more” link below to read the rest of the post

Things Christian Singles Find Annoying, Part 2

Continuing on with the list…

4. Christians/Churches Who Do Not Acknowledge Singles

(or not often enough, or not in a meaningful way)

Related topic:

Things Christian Pastors Should or Should Not Say When Discussing Singleness

Churches or television pastors who ignore singles, and who frequently preach about family, marriage, and parenthood, can be annoying.

I’ve never been married, I’ve never had any children, so I don’t find these topics pertinent or very interesting.

Sermons about married life or child rearing wouldn’t bother me so much if not for the fact that pastors rarely address the problems, concerns, and needs of singles. If there was more balance, it wouldn’t be as objectionable.

To such pastors, I’d like to remind them:

Married people are not the only people on the planet or in your congregation.

Continue reading “List of Christian Singlehood Annoyances, Part 2”

List of Christian Singlehood Annoyances, Part 1

Please click the “more” link below to read the entire post.

There are some things I find annoying about being a single Christian person, and I thought I’d write about some of them. I may edit this post in the future as more cross my mind.

Most singles can probably relate to most of this list, but some are specific to me and my views, tastes, preferences, and experiences.

Continue reading “List of Christian Singlehood Annoyances, Part 1”

Annoyances of Being a Christian Single

Please click the “more” link below to read the entire post.

You might enjoy a list put together by someone else (I don’t agree with all the views expressed on their list):

Surviving Church As A Single


The Surviving Church as a Single Scorecard

2. Your church has a singles ministry but it’s combined with the college ministry which creates opportunities for conversations like this:
Student: “My roommate bought a microwave for our dorm room. I love being a Freshman!”
Single: “My 401K is underperforming.” = +2 points

3. Your church has a singles ministry but it’s a triad that combines college, single adults and divorce recovery. = + 3 points

4. Your church has a singles ministry but it’s the dreaded quad, combining college, single adults, divorce recovery and retired widowers that refuse to move to Florida. = +4 points

5. Someone pays you the world’s most backhanded compliment, “I just don’t understand how someone as great as you isn’t married yet.” = +1 point

Continue reading “Annoyances of Being a Christian Single”

Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault

Please click the “more” link farther below to read the entire post.

I disagree with some of the positions of the “marriage mandate” crowd, including those of Debbie Maken, who wrote a book about the issue.

I intend on posting more content about the ‘marriage mandate’ perspective in the future but thought I’d start with excerpts from a good review of Maken’s book and view.

(Link): 30 and Single? It’s Your Own Fault [ by Camerin Courtney]

There are more unmarried people in our congregations than ever, and some say that’s just sinful.

From Ms. Courtney’s article:

By that October, they were engaged.

Following the path afforded by her ethnicity (she’s Indian), she [Debbie Maken] signed up with an Indian Christian Web agency to find a suitable suitor and, aided by her parents’ watchful care, started e-mailing a man in July 2001.

Now happily married and the mother of two young girls, Maken drew a map—in the form of her book, Getting Serious About Getting Married—to the Land of Marital Bliss. She hopes to prevent her daughters and countless single women across the country from having to experience any more “unnecessary protracted singleness.”

….In later chapters, she addresses the well-meaning advice handed to singles in Christian circles—such as “just wait on the Lord to bring a mate to you” or “Jesus is all you need”—and deftly explains some of the erroneous thinking and theology surrounding each.

At her best, in passages such as these, Maken gives platitude-battered single women needed permission to admit, “I’d like to get married, and that’s okay.”

Unfortunately, these bits of trend-spotting and balanced synthesis are drowning in a sea of shame and blame.

Maken seems to think a vast majority of singles view their solo status as a special gift from God (a stance I’ve seen in only a fraction of the thousands of e-mails I’ve received as a columnist for, a CT sister publication), a notion the very subtitle of the book urges them to reconsider.

Continue reading “Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault”

God Sent this Woman a Husband

Please click the “more” link farther below to read the entire post.


Divine Guidance, Reassurance in Marriage / God Providing a Christian With A Spouse

A Good Guy

From the November 2008 issue of Guideposts magazine, a Christian publication

View original article here

A Good Guy, by Dawn Kuzel

I wanted to meet men. But not like this.

Friday night. It was getting to be my least favorite night of the week. At least on weeknights it wasn’t a crime for a 24-year-old single woman to stay home. But on a Friday evening if I plopped down in the den with Mom after dinner she’d say, “You won’t find the man of your dreams by sitting home with me.”

I knew that was true, but there wasn’t a single man who interested me at the fish, meat and poultry warehouse where I worked. And I wasn’t crazy about meeting guys at bars or clubs. In fact, maybe I’d just given up.

That Friday night I sat in my room, depressed. I’d looked everywhere for the man of my dreams.

I knew my mom was praying for me, but I said a prayer for myself, too: God, if you don’t want me to be single the rest of my life, you will need to bring the man to me, because I can’t find him!

Continue reading “God Sent this Woman a Husband”

Divine Guidance, Reassurance in Marriage / God Providing a Christian With A Spouse

Please click the “more” link farther below to read the entire post.


Divine Guidance, Reassurance in Marriage / God Providing a Christian With A Spouse

The Missionaries And The Bike

[From the May 2005 issue of Guideposts magazine, a Christian publication, in the “His Mysterious Ways” Section]

More than anything I wanted a new bike. I dreamed about it every day while walking to school. My father was a pastor so we didn’t have much money. The only way I was going to get that bike was to earn my own money for it.

So I worked hard, doing odd jobs like babysitting, weeding and raking leaves. I stashed every penny I earned from those jobs and my allowance in my piggy bank.

Then one day at Sunday school our teacher told us of a letter she had received from Chile about a boy who had hepatitis. His missionary parents said he was recovering, but his spiritis were still low.

“Can you think of anything that might cheer him up?” our teacher asked us.

“A new bike!” the whole class exclaimed eagerly, and we agreed we would raise the money.

All week long I agonized over what to do. My conscience could only come up with one answer — give up my savings for the boy in Chile.

Continue reading “Divine Guidance, Reassurance in Marriage / God Providing a Christian With A Spouse”

God’s Guidance in Marriage

Please click the “more” link farther below to read the entire post.


Divine Guidance, Reassurance in Marriage / God Providing a Christian With A Spouse

Guidance in Marriage

From the 1987 book from Guideposts magazine, Practical Christianity, page 558 – 560

by Ingrid Trobisch

When I was a small girl, my father explained to me in a very natural way where babies come from. Then he said, “You are not too young to pray for the boy who will someday become your husband.”

I took that advice seriously. When I had dates as a high school and college student, I would have a little dialogue with the Lord. “Is he the one?” I’d ask, and he’d say, “No, not yet. Wait.”

After awhile the waiting didn’t seem to make any sense. I thought surely by the time I left for my first mission appointment in Africa I would have a husband. But I didn’t.

And then one evening in a small town in Germany, Walter got up to speak, and it was as if the Lord said, “This is the one you’ve been praying for.”

Continue reading “God’s Guidance in Marriage”

The Right One – Do Unmarried Christians Only Need Jesus in Common to Marry ?

The following content was originally published on my Geocities site in December 2000.

Please click the “more” or “continue reading” link farther below to read the entire post.

Divine Guidance, Reassurance in Marriage / God Providing a Christian With A Spouse

The Right One

October 2008

I was watching Christian network TBN* a couple of nights ago, and the guest on the show I was watching is a Christian gentlemen, Mark Gungor, who is a relationship guru.

Gungor has written a book or two about marriage, and he offers marriage seminars. You can visit Mr. Gungor’s site at (Link): Laugh Your

Mr. Gungor is a perfectly nice guy, and he’s got a great sense of humor.

I have nothing against Mr. Gungor personally.

His view point was something else altogether: it angered me and annoyed me to no end, for he stated that it is a mistake for single people, especially for Christians, to think that there is a “right person” out there for you.

Continue reading “The Right One – Do Unmarried Christians Only Need Jesus in Common to Marry ?”

How Active Should a Christian be in Getting a Spouse?

How pro active should a Christian be in seeking a spouse?

The following content was originally published on my Geocities site in December 2005-  where indicated, parts of it were edited in May 2010 to add a few new lines here and there. Please click the “more” link below to read the entire post.

Can You Depend On God To Send You Your Spouse / Is It Okay To Have Faith In God For This?

How Much, If At All, Should A Christian Seek His Or Her Spouse?

December 2005

I am a Christian woman who has never been married but would like to be.

If you ask God to send you the right person and you trust God to send you the right person to be your spouse, yes, it will happen.

I realize I am a rarity in saying that.

How many other Christian singles sites have you been to where they quickly add an asterik and a footnote by such a comment saying, “… um, unless of course God has willed you to be single forever.”

(I absolutely despise such defeatist thinking. Christians are called to speak the truth in love, but then, we’re also told to have hope, to have faith, and to encourage one another, not depress one another.)

Such writers then blather on about being “content in your singleness” and how singleness is such a “gift.” I personally do not regard singleness as being a “gift.”

Continue reading “How Active Should a Christian be in Getting a Spouse?”

Is Getting A Spouse Like Looking for a Job?

Answering the ‘Getting a Spouse is like trying to get employed’ argument

Please click the “more” link farther below to read the entire post.

The “Getting a Spouse is like trying to get employed” argument

Many critics of the faith-based approach to obtaining a spouse, the ones who feel a Christian should be continually pounding the pavement actively looking for a mate, frequently drag up the “employment” argument.

I’ve seen this argument used many a time, by regular Christians opining away at blogs and forums, to professional writers who churn out relationship advice for the Christian lovelorn. And am I ever sick and tired of seeing it.

It goes something like this (though I’m sure you’ve seen it used a million times before on various Christian sites, as I have):

“But if you’re trying to get a job, God expects you to mail out resumés and go on job interviews, otherwise you can’t realistically expect to get a job. It’s not just going to land in your lap without any effort on your part!”

Sorry, but no, not quite. Maybe Non-Christians have to approach finding a mate in that manner, but not the Christian.

Continue reading “Is Getting A Spouse Like Looking for a Job?”