Leaving Christianity gave me the fairy-tale ending I always wanted / Divorce and pre-marital sex destroyed my relationship with Christianity by T. Sheehan

Leaving Christianity gave me the fairy-tale ending I always wanted / Divorce and pre-marital sex destroyed my relationship with Christianity by T. Sheehan

Even though the details of my life and situation are different, I sure did relate to this lady’s story.

My eye brow did raise at one or two points of this essay, such as her claim that people at her church encouraged her to get an abortion when she became pregnant out of wedlock, and from the way she discusses her church, they sound pretty conservative and legalistic.

Perhaps she is telling the truth and that really did happen, it’s just that most conservative Christians are pro-life, not pro-choice, so I am having a hard time picturing any of them advising a pregnant woman to get an abortion.

With possibly a few wacko Protestant church exceptions, (Link): like this one, where the church’s preacher allegedly encouraged the women members to get abortions. But then, of course, there is information such as this: (Link): 2015 Poll: 70% of American Women Who Have Abortions Identify As Christian

By and large, though, most churches are pro-life, not pro-choice.

At one point in this essay, Sheehan says that although she and her male friend were not having sex, that due to being constantly suspected and accused of having sex by Christians at her church, is actually what in large measure drove her and her boyfriend to become sexually active with one another.

Major irony there. Or maybe not…

As I have said time and again at my blog, most Christians, just like secular culture, just blindly assumes that celibacy is impossible for anyone over the age of 25 or so, and that it is impossible for men and women to be platonic friends.

It is entirely possible for men and women to remain friends, and it is entirely possible for an adult to stay celibate for months or years at a time.

I have also explained before, in previous posts, that one reason there is so much fornication among Christian singles is precisely because most Christians have such low expectations: they expect that single adults will, or have, had sex outside of marriage. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy quite often.

The couple discussed in this post were expected, assumed to be, and suspected by their fellow congregants of sleeping together; this couple got tired of being falsely accused, so they figured, well, we might as well have sex, since everyone is already assuming we are and harassing us over it.

I also notice that one reason this woman’s husband, who was a Christian at one time, but is now an atheist or agnostic, began losing his faith over how miserably his grief (over the death of his father) was mishandled by Christians.

Oh yes, I relate: after my family member’s passing a few years ago, rather than receiving love, empathy, and encouragement from Christians in my family or churches I went to, I instead received judgment, criticism, platitudes, or indifference. This in turn is one of several things that caused me to partially leave the Christian faith.

One of a few things that caused Sheehan to leave the faith is over how one church she attended mishandled her abusive marriage – her priest told her to stay with the abusive husband.

This advice is also usually given in Baptist or Protestant situations. Christians often put keeping an (abusive) marriage before the welfare of the two persons who comprise the marriage.

Abused wives are usually instructed to stay with the abusive spouse and submit to the abuser more, or just pray about things. None of this resolves the situation but actually prolongs it.

I am not surprised in light of all the insensitive treatment that she and her husband endured at the hands of other believers, that they both developed major doubts about Christianity and walked away from it.

There were a few supportive comments to the woman who wrote this, in the comments area under the essay, but there were also a lot of hateful, judgmental, or naive posts left to her by Christians.

There were also a few annoying posts by atheists who were just there to say “all religion is idiotic, there is no God” to any of the well-meaning, yet naive Christians who were telling her to hold on to the faith, in spite of the Christians who had been mean to her at her prior churches.

Honestly, I wish those types of atheists would refrain from posting under articles like this one by Sheehan. I find their opportunistic, anti-theism drivel and rants to be about as bad as the nasty posts by the Christians who scolded Sheehan for leaving Christianity.

(Link): Leaving Christianity gave me the fairy-tale ending I always wanted 

• Divorce and pre-marital sex destroyed my relationship with Christianity by T. Sheehan

• My family has always been part of the Catholic Church, including being actively involved in fighting for those beliefs in Ireland and France through the centuries. It is all I knew and I never imagined a life without it. Even in today’s permissive society, divorce is still a huge don’t in the Catholic Church.

  When my priest advised me to stay in an abusive marriage rather than lose access to the Catholic religion, I stayed — until my husband left me for one of the many women he had been seeing.

  I went back to my priest for help but instead found myself without a church.

  Confused and directionless, I ended up seeking help at a Word of Faith Christian Church in Texas.

  Although the church and I both believed in Jesus, the similarities ended there. Everything was so different from what I had grown up with, it made the transition very difficult.

  They kept trying to break down my identity by using scripture to suggest that everything about me, from Catholicism to my Irish culture, was evil and against God. It was like going through spiritual boot camp as they attempted to rebuild me into a person that could gain access to heaven.

  During my time there, I met my current husband. He was also having a tough time as his father had died suddenly the year before, causing him to question the church he had been raised in and even the existence of God due to how they handled his grief.

  We became really good friends who spent hours talking as we each struggled with our sheltered worlds collapsing around us, no matter how hard we tried to fight to keep the walls intact.

  The damage in our lives, caused by blind devotion to a religion, forced us to question all the truths we had been raised to believe.

People Really Hack Me Off (Part 1) The Hypocritical, Constantly Angry, Christian Ingrate (ex friend of mine)

People Really Hack Me Off  (Part 1) The Hypocritical, Constantly Angry, Christian Ingrate (ex friend of mine)

I normally post about marriage, dating, and similar topics on this blog, but I wanted to talk about something else for now.

This post, and maybe future ones in this series, may contain strong language (expletives).

I don’t want any Christians reading this to leave complaints about the language. You are being forewarned there will be some strong language in this post, and probably any Part 2 or 3 I write.

It might be easier for me to divvy up the people and types of people I am angry at instead of tackling it all in one post.

The wider, common theme of this post (and perhaps future ones I do on this) has to do with people abandoning me in my time of greatest need, or people who treat me like trash and take from me, even though I spent years giving to them, and showing them compassion and was there for them in their time of crisis, but they did not return these gestures.

There’s been indifference and apathy to me and my situation, by church people, extended family, and some of these friends I am talking about in this post or in possible future posts.

To keep my anonymity intact, I will change around some details and names in the examples or stories I am telling.

Here is my first story.

I know this post will be very long, so you may get the feeling that this is a super huge deal in my life, but oddly, it’s not.

It’s rather minor, actually, it just takes me a long time to explain it. And to VENT about it.

But it does have me pissed off, still, months later.

It’s not that this incident or two alone in this post is huge and is what has me upset, it’s that it is a part of the smaller “drip – drip – drip” comprising the torrent of rain, and the ocean, and the sea, of consistent betrayal and pain other people have caused me the last few years.

I have – or had – an online friend.

We don’t really stay in touch anymore, our relationship is kind of vague and undefined at the moment.

We met in a forum several years ago. She is several years younger than I am. I think I may have mentioned her on this blog in a very old post or two.

I’m going to call her “Ellen.”

I have an older sister. I’ll call my older sister “Shirley,” which is not her real name.

I may do a separate post about Shirley in a future post.

All I will say for now is that Ellen and Shirley are very similar people. They have similar personalities.

So, when you read about “Ellen” here, just remember I’ve been dealing with this from an older sibling since childhood as well.

And good lord am I ever tired of both of them. I have had my fill.

Ellen and I became friends several years ago on a forum. We exchanged e-mail addresses and sometimes e-mailed each other.

Ellen would confide in me at times about her problems.

I was supportive of her. I would give her words of encouragement and just let her know I was listening and cared.

Ellen turned down my offer to give her a phone call once, when she was going through a very stressful time. I volunteered to phone her and just listen if she needed to vent or cry.

Ellen had financial problems for a few years, she shared with me that she is obese (she weighs 200 or more pounds).

Ellen also told me that she quit her one, old professional, full time, job in a fit of anger and regretted it.

Ellen says she wants a boyfriend, has never had a boyfriend, and worries she will never get one because of her excess weight.

Ellen told me she had student loan debts, and creditors kept hounding her all the time, and this went on for 2 or more years.

I was sympathetic to her during this time.

Ellen has a temper. She is almost always angry at someone or something.

If you visit this blog, recall you are not seeing a full picture of me. I may come across perpetually angry on my blog to you, but that is because I use this blog for the express purpose of venting about how singles are treated so poorly by churches.

Most often when I make blog posts here, I am not angry. I just come on to post a link and leave.

I’m not an angry person all the time.

As I crawl out of codependency the last couple of years, there has been some anger.

I have read content by psychologists who say it’s normal for someone coming out of codependency, like I am, to be intensely angry for a year or more as they work through their repressed anger.

But even in spite of that, and in spite of my ranty blog posts about singles and the church, I’m not an angry person at the core.

If I default to any negative emotions at all (when I am not on this blog), I am more inclined to become depressed or suffer anxiety, than I am to get angry or to act angry.

But my friend Ellen’s default emotional state and way of dealing with life  – and this is so true of my sister “Shirley” as well – is to stay angry and to explode in absolute rages from time to time.

Ellen is an angry person at her core. That is one of her defining qualities.