views and thoughts on topics, especially ones pertaining to christianity – with an emphasis on how most christians either ignore or discriminate against unmarried christians – and how christians have turned marriage and parenting into IDOLS and how there is no true support for sexual purity, virginity, or celibacy among christians – this is a blog for me to vent; I seldom permit dissenting views. I don't debate dissenters ————-
When True Love Keeps Waiting – What Celibacy Feels Like for Older Singles by A. McCracken
She basically says the same things here I’ve been saying on this blog the last three or four or however many years I’ve been blogging here (edit: note: people in the comments say that the woman who wrote this article has written on other sites that she is no longer waiting for marriage to have sex, but for a long term relationship):
Excerpts (use link above to read the entire page):
At 15, I took a vow of celibacy, “True Love Waits.” I stood in front my church, alongside teens who’d betrayed that promise before it began—including a girlfriend who (I later learned) was secretly having sex and my high school crush, who’d proudly told me he’d hooked up with a girl at church camp.
… At 37, I’m still waiting. And while I recognize that my strong sense of self-discipline and self-worth has created a possibly endless quest, I can’t deny what I feel in my heart to be spiritually sacred.
For women who remain virgins into their late 20s, 30s, and beyond, it feels like our choices are constantly called into question. From the church, we hear: Why haven’t you gotten married yet? From the rest of society, it’s: Why don’t you just do it?
When my essay “Does My Virginity Have a Shelf Life?” was published in November 2013 in The New York Times, I went through a roller coaster of emotions: fear, pride, shame, vulnerability, and excitement. A female writer from Slatesupported me. A female writer from Cosmopolitan tore me apart. Secular media seems to be fascinated with my experience, though with each story, editors have downplayed my church ties and Christian roots.
I’ve since written about my virginity for Glamour and appeared in a segment on Katie Couric’s talk show. (Even Katie told me off camera I had “fairytale princess syndrome” and I should go ahead and have sex.)
Following the publicity, several of my Christian girlfriends in their 30s reached out to me. Some, still virgins, were thrilled to hear someone who had a similar story. Others shared their experiences giving up the conviction to wait.
Preacher Invents New Term For Fornicators: Recycled Virgins
How I wish I were kidding, but I am not.
A preacher was interviewed about what kind of dating advice he would give to his kids or something. He says he would tell them to marry a virgin or a “recycled virgin.”
A RECYCLED VIRGIN. I am not joking. He actually used the phrase “recycled virgin.” As though people who have sex before marriage are soda pop cans.
As someone in the comments pointed out, either one is a virgin or is not a virgin. There can be such a thing as a “forgiven fornicator,” if the person asks God for forgiveness, but there is no such thing as a “recycled virgin.” That phrase is actually more ridiculous than previous ones I’ve blogged about before, such as “born again virgin.”
By the way, I noticed that this guy – and I’m sure he means well – never the less has created too many mate-selection criteria. He has too many points he thinks a woman should check off before she can marry a guy.
Now, I am not saying a woman should compromise HER standards, or date a big loser out of desperation, or just marry any old guy for the sake of marrying just to be married, BUT, some Christians come up with such stringent, long, detailed lists concerning mate criteria, they are ensuring themselves (or whomever they are advising) a life time of singleness. That is kind of what this guy is doing.
I wonder why this father assumes that his daughter’s heart is “more tender” than his son’s? Does he think women are more emotional or weaker than guys? If so, I think that view shortchanges both girls and boys. Some boys are very easily hurt and sensitive, while some girls are tough as nails.
If he simply means his daughter in particular is known to be sensitive, and he’s framing his advice to her in that regard, I’m fine with that.
However, if he has some kind of gender stereotype where he assumes that because his daughter is a girl this automatically means she is more easily hurt or broken, that bothers me.
Here are excerpts from the interview.
Dating Styles of Megachurch Pastor’s Kids: Rock Church Pastor Teaches Children to Detect ‘Counterfeit’ Christians
BY STEPHANIE SAMUEL , CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
February 26, 2015|9:50 am
The Rock Church’s Marriage and Parenting Pastor Darren Carrington says parents need to teach their children from an early age about dating and marriage so they can spot “counterfeit” Christians who attend church but show no spiritual growth.
The NFL player-turned-pastor at the San Diego megachurch founded by Pastor Miles McPherson, also a former San Diego Chargers football player, said he started teaching his two daughters and son about marriage from birth, modeling with wife, Vickie, what a “loving, imperfect, fun marriage” looks like.
The Carringtons also began talking to their children about dating when they were 14 years old. However in this fast-paced society, Carrington suggests parents start talking to their children sooner.
CP: What traits, qualities, and actions have you advised your children to look for in a potential spouse and why?
Carrington: A man or woman of God is actively growing in Christ (different from a church attender), who bases decisions through the lens of Jesus. Someone who is loving, wise, kind, minimal baggage, fun, effective communicator, pride-less, a leader, a pure or recycled virgin. It’s important to look for qualities that are sustainable, because that is what will last.
CP: How did your advice or approach differ from what you told your daughters to what you told your son?
Carrington: We are more protective over our daughters because their hearts are more tender.
As far as advice, it didn’t differ a lot, other than for our son to seek a wife who is respectful (submissive), who knows how to love as well as receive love. One who also has good relationship with her father. As for our daughters, seek a man who is a servant leader, a gentleman and who has a good relationship with his mother.
A “recycled virgin?” For reals? Oh brother. There simply is no such thing.
By all means, tell sexual sinners God can and will forgive them of sexual sin, but please, do not diminish honest to goodness, actual virginity, by slapping labels such as “recycled virginity” on to fornication.
God does not tend to use euphemisms like that in the Bible, to make sin seem softer and gentler than it is, not that I can recall.
Christians do this constantly, in almost every television program, blog post, or magazine article I’ve seen the last few years. They are so concerned they not hurt the feelings of people who have sinned sexually, that they besmirch, diminish, and disrespect virginity and celibacy in the process.
Apparently, most Christians do not care at all if they are hurting people who are virgins or celibates in the process of oh so carefully sparing the feelings of sexual sinners (specifically, people who have sexual intercourse prior to marriage).
The married virgin ‘repulsed’ by sex who encourages her ‘perfect’ husband to sleep with escorts while helping him to find a live-in lover
Asexuals are not the same thing as celibates. Asexuals either experience little sexual desire, or none. Celibates experience sexual urges but chose not to act upon them, or cannot, if they are single and believe sex prior to marriage is wrong.
I find it sad I need to explain this up front, but many Christians are very ignorant about celibacy and often confuse it with asexuality: they assume that celibates and virgins over 30 have no sexual desire or urges, or, many Christians assume that celibates find staying celibate easy breezy, that God has “gifted” older virgins so that the older virgin experiences no interest in or desire for sex – which is a wrong view. Totally wrong.
This also goes to show that married sex is not, as Christians teach, “mind blowing.” Christians try to offer incentives to people to stay virgins until marriage, one of which is, “Once you marry, the sex will be frequent and awesome.”
In this article, you have a virgin woman who is also asexual. She wants male companionship minus sexual activity, so she is allowing her husband to have sex with other women.
This is yet another reason why Christians need to emphasize that sexual self control and celibacy is for everyone, even married people, not just for teen-aged girls – but Christians, when they do bother to address the issues of virginity and sexual self control – often only frame it in terms of teen-aged girls. They do not usually remind married couples that they too need to practice sexual self-restraint.
I would also like to remind Christians that married couples do in fact engage in sexual sin. Often times, Christians think that marriage is a cure-all for sexual sin, that if only people marry and marry by the time they are 25 years old, that the couple will not fall into sexual sin.
Christians seem to assume that any and all un-married adults over the age of 25 or 30 are having hot panther sex with a different person every week, which is not so. Yes, our culture is sex saturated, and there is a lot of pre-marital boinking going on, but at the same time, there are people who are sexually abstaining.
The people who are over 25 and 30 and older -who are celibate or who are virgins- could use examples of themselves on television, in sermons, and in books, so they can see they are not alone, so they can have figures in the culture that represent their lifestyle who they can relate to.
Adult celibates and virgins could maybe use some encouragement at remaining chaste, but Christians give them none. All of the Christian community’s energy is directed at supporting “the nuclear family,” and defending “traditional marriage” from homosexual marriage advocates. There is next to no effort at giving practical or emotional support to adult celibates and adult virgins.
As to the news story above. I do not agree with adultery (or “open marriages”) even if both partners agree to it or know about it in advance. I have posted several stories on this blog of married couples who “allow” their partner to cheat on them, or who are “swingers.” This whole thing is awful and makes a mockery out of marriage.
Excerpts from the article.
Asexual Woman Repulsed By Sex Allows Her Spouse to Sleep with Escorts
By GEORGINA BISVAL FOR DAILYMAIL.COM
PUBLISHED: 13:25 EST, 13 March 2015 | UPDATED: 14:41 EST, 13 March 2015
Erica Holloway, 30, has known that she was asexual since the age of 15
She and husband Andrew, 30, have been married since 2012 but have never had sex
IT consultant Andrew has slept with ten other women, including a number of professional escorts, since he married Erica
In the one and a half years they have been married Andrew and Erica Holloway have never argued, have no secrets and are more in love today than the moment they met.
Yet incredibly this Melbourne-based couple, both aged 30, have never consummated their marriage – and Erica admits that she has no intention of ever doing so.
For while Andrew would love to rip his wife’s clothes off, Erica is in fact still a virgin and reveals to the Daily Mail Online that the very idea of making love to her husband is a complete turn off rather than a turn on.
‘I wish I wanted to have sex with my husband,’ Erica, a graphic designer, explains.
‘But I don’t and I know I never will as, while I love him, the idea of sex repulses me.
‘We are still very affectionate with each other and love to hold hands and kiss and cuddle, but that’s as far as I could ever go.
‘People might think our marriage would be a disaster because of this, but we are as happy now as the day we met.’
She added that she has known since the age of 15 that she was asexual, after realizing she had never felt sexually attracted to anyone.
According to this Christian Web Site, Authentic Manhood (their phrase) does not include single men or childless men
Maybe I have overlooked it, but I skimmed over this Christian sponsored site about “Authentic Manhood” and see no mention of singlehood or childlessness or being childfree.
I take it that these Christians believe that authentic manhood can be expressed only by a man marrying and/or having children.
I could be wrong about that. Perhaps there is a section somewhere on the Authentic Manhood site proclaiming adult single males as being totally equal to their married counterparts, but even so, I am at turns annoyed by, amused by, and baffled by evangelical, Baptist, and Reformed Christianity’s obsession with defining gender or gender roles.
The top of their home page says,
A JOURNEY TO AUTHENTIC MANHOOD AS MODELED
BY JESUS IN HIS 33 YEARS ON EARTH
Jesus was a lifelong single celibate. They apparently do not realize that, or do not care.
About the only positive thing I can say for this site so far is that they have a page or two about male friendship (like (Link): here for instance).
It’s very rare for Christians to discuss friendship or to promote it, because they normally advocate a person getting company and companionship via marriage. So, in Christianity, if you are single, you are hosed in that department. You are on your own, baby.
A new book about purity culture shows the difficulty of reconciling women’s liberation with evangelical faith.
But the tension between political feminism and political Christianity is fundamentally philosophical, Anderson argues: Whereas feminism relies on the idea that individual women should have control over their bodies, certain Christian theological traditions have more of a communal focus.
By way of example, she points to the theologian Stanley Hauerwas, who wrote in 1991 that Christians “do not believe that we have a right to do whatever we want with our bodies … because when we are baptized we become members of one another … In the church, we tell you what you can and cannot do with your genitals.”
Despite being at odds in their politics, evangelical Christians and feminists share a fixation on sex. Arguably, the focus on “purity” in evangelical culture arose in response to a secular, sex-obsessed American culture; for example, the first purity ball was hosted in 1998 by a Christian family in Colorado Springs as a celebration of father-daughter relationships and girls’ virginity.
“Endeavoring to claim the title of counterculture, the modern evangelical church responds to what it sees as a sexually permissive culture by locking down on purity and virginity,” Anderson writes.
Yet even the language Christians and feminists use to talk about sex is different. While being “countercultural” in the 60s might have involved orgies and free love, in the evangelical world, it means preserving one’s emotional and sexual purity despite the mores of “mainstream” culture.
For that matter, “the way we talk about intimacy is less about physical intimacy—it’s about emotional intimacy,” Anderson said. “When people talk about affairs [in secular culture], they usually mean the physical relationship, but in evangelical culture, there’s a discussion of the emotional affair, the emotional giving-away-of-yourself.” Growing up, Anderson’s youth-group leaders would warn against the temptation of sexual “petting,” and they cautioned against “solo sex”—”Christianese for masturbation,” Anderson writes.
Although her book is all about sex and sexuality, Anderson maintains that a single-minded focus is counter-productive. “Sexual purity—rather than a relationship with Jesus, caring for the poor, or loving one’s neighbor—has become the marker of a good Christian,” she writes. Conversely, at times, “sex becomes the god we worship, and we will go to any length to obtain it.” The solution, she writes, is to recognize that “sexuality is not the center of a person’s life, faith, or health.”
… But it is probably more honest. Anderson really wrote Damaged Goods because, as she puts it, “I felt like a freak because I was a feminist, a Christian, and a virgin.” For the next generation, this might be a useful framework for engaging with both Christianity and feminism, and one that will probably resonate: understanding the work of Jesus and the identities of women not in abstract political terms, but as glimpses of truth people use in shaping their own lives.
This is from the WSJ. You might have to log in to read the whole thing. I visited their page three different times. The first two times, I was told to subscribe if I wanted to read it, on the third visit, I was granted full access.
As a celibate, middle aged, never married lady who never had kids, I don’t care if marriage rates are falling and people are refraining from having kids. This is another one of those panicked, hand-wringing editorials about how people are not marrying or having kids.
As Melanie Notkin pointed out on Twitter in regards to this WSJ editorial, not all people are deliberately choosing to delay marriage or avoid it altogether – there is a huge number of women who want to marry and have no idea why they’ve never been married.
Such women did not plan on being single and childless into their 30s and older, but there they are – and yet, they get blamed for it, by commentators who assume they intentionally avoided marriage and motherhood, for selfish reasons, or to worship career, or whatever.
These types of editorials almost never mention the scores of women who had planned and hoped on marrying (and/or having children), but it did not pan out for them because they never met a suitable partner.
Much the same has been taking place around East and Southeast Asia for at least a generation. From South Korea to Singapore, China is rimmed by countries where marriage is being postponed or, increasingly, forgone; where networks of extended kin are withering due to extreme sub-replacement fertility; and where childlessness is on the rise.
Nowadays about one-sixth of Japanese women in their mid-40s are still single, and about 30% of all women that age are childless. Twenty years hence, by Mr. Kaneko’s projections, 38% of all Japanese women in their mid-40s would be childless, and an even higher share—just over 50%—would never have grandchildren.
To be sure, unlike Europe and the U.S., Japan still severely stigmatizes childbearing outside marriage. Childlessness, on the other hand, is socially acceptable.
Japanese women are availing themselves of these new choices. Given recent trajectories, demographers Miho Iwasawa and Ryuichi Kaneko project that a Japanese woman born in 1990 stands less than even odds of getting married and staying married to age 50.
Contemporary Japanese women have lifestyle options that were unthinkable for their grandmothers, including divorce, separation, cohabitation and remaining single.
Lest one suspect that there is something about this phenomenon that is culturally specific to Western countries, we have Japan, whose fabled “Asian family values” are now largely a thing of the past.
But it is not primarily driven by the graying of European society, at least thus far: Over twice as many Danes under 65 are living alone as those over 65.
The rise of the one-person home coincides with population aging.
Morgan again states that “single MEN” have been banned from this park or another. Yet, I have corrected this information before. The news story says that both single men AND WOMEN have been banned from the park, not just men.
Morgan apparently lives in a world where single, celibate women have easy-breezy lives and face no problems, but poor, old, downtrodden single, celibate men have all the problems. I’ve written of that before, too,
(Knowing Morgan, he will probably take that story from my blog, post it to his own three months from now, not credit my blog, and spin the story so that the center figure (a female) will be re-cast as a poor, downtrodden MALE who was barred due to being single.)
In that same post, Morgan writes:
How many sermons have you heard on it (celibacy)? How many have you heard that addressed marriage, the role of husbands and wives, two becoming one flesh, the husband being the head of the household, etc.? I would estimate 99.95% of Protestant pastors have never mentioned celibacy from a pulpit.
Maybe I am misunderstanding him, but if not, what rock is Morgan living under? I assume he means that one will never, ever hear a Christian minister discuss topics such as “the husband being the head of the household,” etc
What Celibacy Means – “Living without sex doesn’t mean living without love”
My one-time stalker, blogger and professed Christian celibate and sexual purity apologist (though not one in reality – regarding the apologist part, that is), John Morgan (link), will have a hissy over this article I am linking to in this post (he visits my blog and/or Twitter on occasion to steal blog post ideas and concepts), because he thinks celibacy is non-applicable to homosexuals, an idea I have refuted (Link): here.
(If Morgan feels that yes, celibacy is applicable to homosexuals, he needs to go back and re-word one or two of his essays to clarify.)
Morgan should be glad that homosexual celibates are speaking up about celibacy and presenting it as an option for singles, because the heterosexuals in the church are not!
Rather, the hetero preachers and Christian writers and bloggers continually -and incorrectly- depict celibacy as a special super power that God grants to a tiny few, and that most are not capable of, when the reality of it is that the Bible says all adult believers are capable of sexual self control (see link and link), not just a small, tiny, specially gifted group of singles.
Eve Tushnet taught me that living without sex doesn’t mean living without love.
….Tushnet is a gay Catholic writer who embraces her church’s teaching on marriage and sexuality.
By the time I learned about her, I’d been admitting to myself for a few years that I was gay, though I hadn’t told many other people yet. I was still too frightened and unsure of what kind of welcome (or lack thereof) I’d receive.
You know those novels and movies about the yearning, aching twentysomethings who are trying to disentangle and sort out their erotic and religious longings, while dreading loneliness and rejection above all else?
That was me. Imagine Charles Ryder from Brideshead Revisited, all angsty and insecure, but with a small-town-USA upbringing, and you’ll get the picture. I needed a lifeline. I was hungry to know I wasn’t alone.
What Celibacy Means
In the years since reading Tushnet’s article, I’ve come to think this isn’t only my question. It’s the same question asked by a growing number of people who identify as gay and Christian.
This is not a post I intend to spend a lot of time on. I just wanted to shoot off a quick observation or two.
This Tony Perkins guy is a leader of the group FRC (Family Research Council). The FRC is obsessed with the culture wars, and stereotypical evangelical concerns of fighting abortion, homosexuality, and so forth.
First, I will include a few excerpts then discuss them below:
WASHINGTON — Family Research Council President Tony Perkins called on Congress to protect the religious freedom of those affected by the “darkness of unrestricted sexual license … gone mad.”
While America previously faced the threats of Nazism and Communism, today’s threats emanate from the Sexual Revolution, Perkins said Monday in his “State of the Family” address.
“The threats America face are not potential — they are clear, present and dangerous,” he said. “And ironically they come most sharply today not from the radical economic doctrines of Karl Marx, nor from the lights of what Winston Churchill called ‘perverted science,’ but from the darkness of unrestricted sexual license — a new Cultural Revolution — gone mad.”
I think the young lady in the story – who was about 17 years of age when the “relationship” (as in sex and dating) started with her biological father – bears a tiny bit less of the responsibility in this than her father, who was about 35 or 36 when this began. But she should still know better, so I’m not giving her a pass.
I think the girl is an idiot, in addition to being a sexual deviant.
Due to immaturity, insecurity, admitted sexual and relationship confusion on her part, and lack of life experience, she is being made a fool of.
Her father, who was mid 30s when this began, is exploiting her. I do not even care if, from the girl’s view, that this is “consensual”.
It is so damn easy for anyone over the age of 25 to emotionally manipulate someone who is under age 25 – and make that double if the older person is age 35, 45, or older. Older adults can manipulate and scam the hell out of you if you are below 25, and you won’t even notice it at the time.
I don’t think this girl understands she cannot trust her father. She thinks he is more trustworthy to date precisely because he is her dad (you can read her rationale below).
That her father is willing to have sex with his own biological daughter indicates he is a predator, not a trustworthy father. A real, caring father is NOT going to step over this line and have sexual dealings with his own kid.
But she confuses things, to thinking, well, this is the man who gave me Barbie dolls and teddy bears when I was a girl, ergo, it’s safer for me to enter a romantic relationship with him than with a guy I’m not related to.
She has it all wrong. If her dad was truly a stand up guy, he would never, ever have touched her sexually, and it is irrelevant if she agreed to it or not.
When asked about these issues in the interview, she says no worries, her mother taught her self defense, like how to kick a man in the crotch.
She is so effing naive… she is being EMOTIONALLY (as well as sexually) manipulated and exploited and does not even recognize it; she equates being abused only with PHYSICAL abuse. Her father just wants in her pants, like any horny boy her own age who she’s not related to, and she’s permitting it. She doesn’t even see what is happening.
As someone on another site astutely observed, sex before marriage is now considered even more passe’ since this girl says in her interview about the incest that she and her biological father began having sex and THEN afterwards began dating.
Yes. So. People are having sex first and THEN dating and THEN marrying.
One of the interesting or amusing things I see in some articles that are critical of her relationship (and under comments about the story of the man who is married to a woman, but he claims to have sex with a horse regularly), are the number of pro-homosexuality persons who get upset by this.
By the way, in the interview with the man who has sex with a horse, he says that his horse consents to the sex. He claims that. Go read the article, don’t ask me to explain or defend it. I don’t agree that a horse can give consent to having sex with a person.
It angers homosexuality advocates that the men who want to have sex with horses, or their own daughters, use the same, exact claims and arguments that the pro homosexual lobby does, such as, “I was born this way,” and, “as long as its consensual, it’s okay,” and, “who are you to judge.”
As for the idiot who left a comment under the Science of Us article: that the Bible mentions incidents of incest does not mean that God approves of incest. Duh.
I also think this story goes to once again show that the Christian propaganda that being married or a parent makes a person more mature and godly is false. Being married or a parent is not an indication of someone’s morals or ethics or maturity. Here you have a man who has been married, has a biological daughter, and is having sex with her.
Also, if, as Christians maintain, married sex is so “mind blowing,” why did the father in this story divorce the mother and end up having sex with his own daughter? If the “mind blowing” propaganda were true, would this man not have been sexually satisfied with his wife, (or later, with the adult girlfriend he had) – why is he having sex with his biological daughter?
Before proceeding reading this, you may want to have a trash can handy so you can throw up.
…Consensual incest between fathers and their daughters remains the least reported and perhaps the most taboo sort of GSA relationship. Keith Pullman, who runs a marriage equality blog, has personally talked to over 20 GSA couples and notes that he’s only had a few father-daughter couples speak out, speculating that many of them fear that others will assume the daughter must have been abused in childhood (it should be said that when these unions lead to children, those children can face potentially serious difficulties as a result of the genetic implications of incest, even if some online communities downplay these risks).Here, an 18-year-old woman from the Great Lakes region describes her romantic relationship of almost two years with the biological father she met after 12 years of estrangement.
What was your family like when you were growing up?
My parents had me when they were 18 — they met in high school and I was conceived on prom night. They were serious for about six months but broke up while my mom was still pregnant with me. My dad wasn’t there when I was born. [Her dad had hardly any contact with her as she grew up because her mother would not permit it]
…. Can you remember much from your time with your dad when you were little?
I have some memories. He spoiled me rotten. I had this giant storage tote of Barbie dolls and I had my own Mary-Kate and Ashley bedroom. It was a little girl’s dream. We’d sit in the yard blowing bubbles together, and he took me to the zoo where he bought me a stuffed animal that I kept until I was 16. I ended up washing it and stupidly put it in the dryer, which melted all its fur. I remember he gave me a miniature tea set. I still have it.
…Do you think it triggered the abandonment you felt from your own dad?
Yeah. I think I was subconsciously replaying what I’d been through.
…Did you date when you were a teenager?
I didn’t really have a social life. I stayed home a lot because my mom didn’t trust me, and most of the kids my age were hooked on heroin, so it was hard to find friends. I lived in such a small town where there was nothing to do. In fifth grade I dated a boy for two years.
But one night he got drunk and had sex with a girl who ended up pregnant. It f-cked everything up. I told him he had to go and be with this girl and take care of the kid.
…Did you have sex with that boyfriend?
No. I had a girlfriend in middle school and that was the most major sexual experience I’d ever had. But she was very religious and every time we were intimate she would sob and read me verses out of the Bible.
It made me feel like I’d hurt her. The second time we did it she cried and said we’d done something wrong and she was worried her grandmother would find out.
I was done after that. No more crying, and no more Bible transcripts. She had me in tears because I felt so guilty.
How do you define your sexuality? I’ve always identified as bisexual.
…So can you remember what it was like the moment you and your dad were reunited? Was there an instant attraction?
It was so weird and confusing. I was seeing my dad for the first time in forever but it was also like, He’s so good-looking! And then I was like, What the hell are you thinking? What is wrong with you? I saw him as my dad but then also part of me was like, I’m meeting this guy who I have been talking to over the internet and really connecting with and I find him attractive.
Was there a single moment you realized that you were sexually and romantically attracted to your dad? After I had stayed with him for about five days.
What happened? He was living with his girlfriend. On the first night he slept on the couch and I slept on the floor, just to make sure that I was okay.
…That night we were play-wrestling in the room I was going to sleep in and I bit him. He was wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a tank top and after I bit him I could see goose bumps pop up from his toes to his shoulders. Then he pinched my inner thigh and I got goose bumps.We stopped and said that we didn’t know what was going on but admitted that we had strong feelings for each other. We discussed whether it was wrong and then we kissed. And then we made out, and then we made love for the first time. That was when I lost my virginity.
Did you tell him you were a virgin? Yes. I told him I wanted him to be the first person I made love to. We talked about how it could be awkward if it didn’t end up working out. He also said that if I didn’t feel comfortable at any point I should tell him.
This is one of those topics where I’m not particularly on either side of the debate.
I am pro-life, right wing, and don’t generally agree with left wing feminists often.
While I think I understand the motives behind this pro-life video (which I have not watched, I’ve only read the summary of it by the secular feminist author), I think it was maybe not thought out well (again, going by the feminist’s description of it).
I can’t say as though I agree with feminists that men should have no say at all in abortion.
Two stories of sexual assault, one relating the alleged assaults committed by a Hollywood icon at the dawn of the Sexual Revolution, the other relating a tale of alleged rape that was perpetrated two years ago, both in different stories on a major newspaper’s front page—I submit the Sexual Revolution is dead.
Yet what will replace it? The Sexual Utopians’ beliefs are still around.
In a time where there’s so much emphasis on being sexy, sex before marriage, sex with no marriage, bringing sexy back, having sex in the city … you get it. There’s messages everywhere screaming sex, sex, sex!
Here’s a refreshing take that actually puts all that talk in perspective. It’s about NO SEX. But for these folks, it’s not the sleepy desert of loneliness that’s often painted … it’s more empowering.
My name is Isaac. I’m 31 years old and I live in Brooklyn. My first attempt with celibacy had to do with me traveling to the Amazon and working with various plants down there. In order to properly absorb the plants and work with them on a deeper level, you needed to abstain from sex for a month.
This time around, it’s a little different. I’ve been celibate for about one year. It has to do with me getting divorced, ending a relationship of six years, feeling like I needed to recharge and take a break from the pursuit of sex, and I just needed to take a period of time for my own healing.
In a way, I’m channeling all of that sexual energy into musical energy, creative energy, and I am working on mastering myself in the process and being the best musician that I can possibly be.
My name is Antonia. I’m 42 and I’m from Brooklyn. Before two years ago, I didn’t know that there was such a thing as asexuality. I was writing a dating profile and I was trying to describe myself, and the term I came up with was naturally celibate.
I saw this thing called asexual and I was like, “Oh, what’s that?” And so I clicked on it and now, I was like, “Oh, my God, that’s like totally me.”
I’ve had sex, you know, because that’s the normal thing you’re supposed to do, and it’s just like other things I could be doing. I think I’m more of a sensual person. I would much prefer laying in bed hugging.
That turns me on as opposed to the sex per se. You know, I’ve always been a spiritual person. I think for me, it’s important that sex have that spiritual component to it, that’s what would interest me, you know, as opposed to just a regular physical thing.
My name is Anthony. I’m 26. I work in Manhattan. Before I fight, I usually choose to abstain for about two months.
I choose to abstain because it gives me an edge when I fight. It makes me angrier and I feel just stronger.
My favorite fighters are old-school fighters and they chose to abstain before their fights, so I decided to abstain also, give me that extra edge. When I haven’t abstained, I’ve noticed that I was weaker. I wasn’t as strong fighting and wasn’t as sure.
There were two or three other interviews on that page.