Seven Reasons Why It’s Hard To Be Single In The Church by Sarah The Barge

Seven Reasons Why It’s Hard To Be Single In The Church by Sarah The Barge

She covers some of the same points I’ve been raising at this blog the last few years. I thought any of my regular readers (assuming I have any) might enjoy this.

I am not going to copy her whole post to my blog. Please use the link below to visit her blog.

(Link): Seven Reasons Why It’s Hard To Be Single In The Church by Sarah The Barge

• 1) The mythical “gift” of singleness.
• I’ve heard many, many times from church leaders that some people have “the gift of singleness,” which is divinely given and has nothing to do with that person’s free will.  Furthermore, if a person has the “gift of singleness,” they know from a young age that they’re meant to be single for the rest of their lives.
• Therefore, if you don’t know that you’re supposed to be single forever, that means you’re supposed to get married.
• This is nowhere in the Bible.  Nowhere.  Paul says in I Corinthians 7 that marriage is a concession, something you’re allowed to do as a last resort if you can’t resist sexual temptation.
• I know lots of single people, even single people who have been single for decades and died single.  And I don’t know of a single person who knew they were going to be single forever.

Preacher Invents New Term For Fornicators: Recycled Virgins – No, I am not joking

Preacher Invents New Term For Fornicators: Recycled Virgins

How I wish I were kidding, but I am not.

A preacher was interviewed about what kind of dating advice he would give to his kids or something. He says he would tell them to marry a virgin or a “recycled virgin.”

A RECYCLED VIRGIN. I am not joking. He actually used the phrase “recycled virgin.” As though people who have sex before marriage are soda pop cans.

As someone in the comments pointed out, either one is a virgin or is not a virgin. There can be such a thing as a “forgiven fornicator,” if the person asks God for forgiveness, but there is no such thing as a “recycled virgin.” That phrase is actually more ridiculous than previous ones I’ve blogged about before, such as “born again virgin.”

By the way, I noticed that this guy – and I’m sure he means well – never the less has created too many mate-selection criteria. He has too many points he thinks a woman should check off before she can marry a guy.

Now, I am not saying a woman should compromise HER standards, or date a big loser out of desperation, or just marry any old guy for the sake of marrying just to be married, BUT, some Christians come up with such stringent, long, detailed lists concerning mate criteria, they are ensuring themselves (or whomever they are advising) a life time of singleness. That is kind of what this guy is doing.

I wonder why this father assumes that his daughter’s heart is “more tender” than his son’s? Does he think women are more emotional or weaker than guys? If so, I think that view shortchanges both girls and boys. Some boys are very easily hurt and sensitive, while some girls are tough as nails.

If he simply means his daughter in particular is known to be sensitive, and he’s framing his advice to her in that regard, I’m fine with that.

However, if he has some kind of gender stereotype where he assumes that because his daughter is a girl this automatically means she is more easily hurt or broken, that bothers me.

Here are excerpts from the interview.

Dating Styles of Megachurch Pastor’s Kids: Rock Church Pastor Teaches Children to Detect ‘Counterfeit’ Christians

• BY STEPHANIE SAMUEL , CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
  February 26, 2015|9:50 am
• The Rock Church’s Marriage and Parenting Pastor Darren Carrington says parents need to teach their children from an early age about dating and marriage so they can spot “counterfeit” Christians who attend church but show no spiritual growth.
• The NFL player-turned-pastor at the San Diego megachurch founded by Pastor Miles McPherson, also a former San Diego Chargers football player, said he started teaching his two daughters and son about marriage from birth, modeling with wife, Vickie, what a “loving, imperfect, fun marriage” looks like.
• The Carringtons also began talking to their children about dating when they were 14 years old. However in this fast-paced society, Carrington suggests parents start talking to their children sooner.

  CP: What traits, qualities, and actions have you advised your children to look for in a potential spouse and why?

  Carrington: A man or woman of God is actively growing in Christ (different from a church attender), who bases decisions through the lens of Jesus. Someone who is loving, wise, kind, minimal baggage, fun, effective communicator, pride-less, a leader, a pure or recycled virgin. It’s important to look for qualities that are sustainable, because that is what will last.

• CP: How did your advice or approach differ from what you told your daughters to what you told your son?
• Carrington: We are more protective over our daughters because their hearts are more tender.
• As far as advice, it didn’t differ a lot, other than for our son to seek a wife who is respectful (submissive), who knows how to love as well as receive love. One who also has good relationship with her father. As for our daughters, seek a man who is a servant leader, a gentleman and who has a good relationship with his mother.

A “recycled virgin?” For reals? Oh brother. There simply is no such thing.

By all means, tell sexual sinners God can and will forgive them of sexual sin, but please, do not diminish honest to goodness, actual virginity, by slapping labels such as “recycled virginity” on to fornication.

God does not tend to use euphemisms like that in the Bible, to make sin seem softer and gentler than it is, not that I can recall.

Christians do this constantly, in almost every television program, blog post, or magazine article I’ve seen the last few years. They are so concerned they not hurt the feelings of people who have sinned sexually, that they besmirch, diminish, and disrespect virginity and celibacy in the process.

Apparently, most Christians do not care at all if they are hurting people who are virgins or celibates in the process of oh so carefully sparing the feelings of sexual sinners (specifically, people who have sexual intercourse prior to marriage).

————————————-

Related Posts:

(Link):  Article: Our Born-Again Virgin Bachelor

(Link):  Update on Born Again Virgin Reality Star TV Guy – and Christians and Their Smokin’ Hot Wives

Mother Says in Interview: ‘I Wish I’d Aborted the Son I’ve Spent 47 Years Caring For’

Mother Says in Interview: ‘I Wish I’d Aborted the Son I’ve Spent 47 Years Caring For’

And how do stories like this fit with the usual conservative Christian propaganda that motherhood makes a woman more mature, godly, loving, and self-less? It does not.

Stories like this go to show that becoming a parent does not necessarily make a person better or more ethical or caring than a person who does not procreate.

(Link):  ‘I wish I’d aborted the son I’ve spent 47 years caring for’: It’s a shocking admission – but read on before you judge

by GILLIAN RELF
 22 October 2014 | UPDATED: 21:12 EST, 22 October 2014

Gillian Relf, 69, regrets having her son, Stephen, 47

Stephen was born with Down’s Syndrome and needs constant care 

She worries about what will happen to her son when she dies

The pilot had been very patient but, after an hour of the plane waiting on the Tarmac at Heathrow, with my son Stephen refusing to get up off the floor, sit in his seat and buckle up, our bags were removed from the hold and he was carried off the flight, my husband Roy and I walking, hot-cheeked and humiliated, behind.

Our family holiday to Greece would not be going ahead, after all.

And no, Stephen was not an obstreperous toddler when this happened. He was 45 years old. This embarrassing scene happened two years ago and the episode is just one of the many challenges we have faced since Stephen, our second child, was born with Down’s Syndrome.

….Perhaps you’d expect me to say that, over time, I grew to accept my son’s disability. That now, looking back on that day 47 years later, none of us could imagine life without him, and that I’m grateful I was never given the option to abort.