Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband

Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband

A couple of days ago, I saw this episode of The 700 Club.

A celibate Christian woman wrote Pat Robertson this question –

And her question is one all Christians avoid: they just scream at a 20 year old today to MARRY NOW NOW NOW!

They have no advice and no encouragement to give any adult over 35 who wants to be married but still finds him or herself single.

The usual Christian response is just to shame this lady for supposedly not having done enough to marry when younger, in spite of not knowing her background, or what she did to try to marry – Christians just arrogantly ASSUME if you are not married past a certain age, it is all your fault, and there were no mitigating circumstances.

So here’s her question to Pat, host of The 700 Club:

Dear Pat,

The Bible says that it’s better to marry than to burn with lust, but what about someone like me who can’t find someone to marry?

Five Unhelpful Things Singles Are Tired Of Hearing by R. Duncan / Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Single Friends by K. Wilkinson

Five Unhelpful Things Singles Are Tired Of Hearing by R. Duncan / Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Single Friends by K. Wilkinson

There is also a link below to “Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Single Friends”

(Link): Five Unhelpful Things Singles Are Tired Of Hearing

Excerpts:

by Ryan Duncan

Life as a single adult (Link): can be difficult. Life as a single Christian, on the other hand, can be just plain exasperating. While never short on community, single Christians often find themselves bombarded with well-meaning, but unhelpful advice from their married peers.

In response, (Link): Krysti Wilkinson of Relevant Magazine decided it was time to compile a list of things you should never say to your single friends. Coupled with a few of my own favorite gems, here are five things your single friends are tired of hearing.

“Wow, You Must Have So Much Free Time!”

“This is usually an attempt to point out the silver lining. But this sometimes implies that your single friend’s schedule, and life, must be empty (and void of anything meaningful) when there isn’t a significant other in it.

True, those of us who are single have just one person’s schedule to keep track of instead of two, but there are so many other important parts of our days that have nothing to do with our love lives.”

All Dating Advice is as Terrible As the People Who Give It by Oliver Burkeman

All dating advice is as terrible as the people who give it

I saw this article awhile back and meant to blog about it but forgot until today.

I agree. Most all dating advice I’ve ever seen or heard has been terrible. It’s usually based on unrealistic stereotypes, or only what worked for the particular person who wrote it. What worked for your friend in snagging a spouse may not work for you, so I don’t know why people bother to give this advice or read it.

The only reason I bother to ever read it is to “hate read” it. I’m interested in seeing what awful advice the writers are doling out to adult singles.

A lot of dating advice does not work. I do occasionally see a point or two that is valid, but the lion’s share of dating advice I’ve seen just does not work. I think most dating advice, especially the advice being hyped in books, is bogus. It’s all about making a buck off lonely hearts.

Anyway, a lot of criticisms this guy has about dating advice are the same issues and problems I’ve noticed with it over the years, and some of the criticisms he raises are one reason I usually give most dating advice books and columns little to no attention.

(Link): All dating advice is as terrible as the people who give it 

As a rule, you should be skeptical of anyone offering advice about anything – including me, and including this sentence.

But as the annual exercise in twee consumerism formerly known as Valentine’s Day rolls round again, it’s worth issuing a reminder that you should be especially skeptical of anyone offering advice on love, romance or relationships. No other sub-genre of self-help seems so prone to confused reasoning, conflicts of interest or folk wisdom masquerading as science.

Everyone has ulterior motives.

There’s a good chance that anybody emitting romantic tips is a deeply insecure (Link): life-choice evangelist – that they’ve chosen some path (to marry young, or to wait, to have children, to stay single, etc) and they’re not sure it was right.

Their uncertainty manifests itself as a desperate attempt to persuade you that it’s the best choice for you, too.

One (Link): 2013 study concluded that both single and coupled-up people are prejudiced in favor of those who share that status – even in contexts where it’s irrelevant, such as choosing whom to vote for, or to hire.

(Significantly, the bias was stronger among those who considered their situation most permanent. The more you feel condemned to eternal singlehood or trapped in marriage, the researchers reasoned, the more insistent you’ll be that “one’s current situation [is] an ideal – not just for oneself, but universally.”)

The opposite (but no less irritating) phenomenon occurs when dating advice represents choices the advice-giver didn’t make, but wishes he or she had.

The classic case here, I’d argue, is Susan Patton, aka ‘Princeton Mom’, who (Link): made headlines a couple of years back by urging Ivy League women to snag a husband from among their classmates in time for graduation.

Why? Apparently because she (Link): wishes she’d done so herself. Would she have been happier that way? She has no way of knowing, of course.

Does that matter? What, in the nonsense-saturated field of dating guidance? You must be kidding!

You should also distrust anyone who adopts a jaded tone and speaks of dating as warfare or as a market, and implies that you’re terribly naive if you think it’s anything more than a cynical power game. (Telltale signs include quoting (Link): The Rules, or mentioning evolutionary psychology.)