The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement

The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement

This may be the start of a series. I may do more posts like this as I come across more examples. I kind of already did a part one a couple of years ago (Part 1). This post was not the Part 2 I had in mind, not really.

The things this post covers pertains to one of my big pet peeves as related to men, dating, marriage, culture, church, and relationships.

First, here is the story, (and then below, I’ll analyze or comment why this bothers the hell out of me).

Over a year ago, I watched an episode of the TV show “Restaurant Impossible,” hosted by Chef Robert Irvine on Food Network.

This married couple owned a restaurant that was failing financially, so they had Chef Irvine come in to rescue their business.

I don’t remember all the details of the show, the couple, or their restaurant. I don’t remember their names or where they were located. I cannot recall if both the husband and wife wanted the business, or just the wife did, or what.

Regardless.

The wife was having a nervous breakdown from all the stress of being a restaurant owner. She was running all aspects of the restaurant by herself (with a small staff who helped cook), but the vast majority of the responsibility for the restaurant was on her shoulders.

Although the wife kept begging her spouse to help her, because she was at a breaking point, he would not help her. He would sort of promise or act like he agreed to coming in more often to help, but he would bail on her.

If I am not mistaken, the husband did not hold down a regular job at this time. I think he had quit his regular “9 to 5” job to be in the food business with the wife.

However, the idiot (the husband) spent all his free time chasing down his passions and hobbies, which included stuff like parachuting out of planes on weekends with other men as part of a World War 2 para-trooper re-enactment group, and I think the guy was also part of a barber shop singing quartet the rest of the time, or something.

Continue reading “The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement”

Revolting Attitudes Towards Abused Wives From a Southern Baptist Seminary Student – Southern Baptists Don’t Make Marriage Sound Appealing / Christian Singles: Dump the Equally Yoked Teaching

Revolting Attitudes Towards Abused Wives From a Southern Baptist Seminary Student – Southern Baptists Don’t Make Marriage Sound Appealing / Christian Singles: Dump the Equally Yoked Teaching

Please consider that if you found this blog post from someone else sharing it on Twitter or Facebook, that the person (especially if a Christian) may not necessarily agree with all my statements and opinions in this post! They might only agree with portions of this message.


Earlier today, Christian Janeway (whom I follow on Twitter) re-tweeted someone else’s post about this guy’s post on Facebook, and awhile after that, Amy Smith (WatchKeep on Twitter) also shared screen caps of this guy’s Facebook posts.

You can see the guy’s post here (mobile Facebook page): (Link): Wife Beating

Here is the link to the regular (non mobile) version: (Link): Wife Beating

This “wife beating” post is in a group called “Friends of Biblical Counseling.”

I have warned readers of my blog before to stay away from Biblical Counseling (sometimes called “Nouthetic Counseling”) in a previous post, when I was giving Christian singles reading this blog this message:

(Link):  Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages

I think the screen name of guy who posted this is named ‘Corriell Savannah Brotherwood,’ and his Facebook bio says he studies theology at SBTS (The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary).

God help us all, or any abused woman this joker may counsel, should he become a pastor or counselor.

Wiki description of SBTS:

 The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, in Louisville, Kentucky, is the oldest of the six seminaries affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention.

This Brotherwood individual states in his post that he does not believe that a husband hitting his wife is sin, nor does he think the Bible permits an abused wife to divorce her husband.

Continue reading “Revolting Attitudes Towards Abused Wives From a Southern Baptist Seminary Student – Southern Baptists Don’t Make Marriage Sound Appealing / Christian Singles: Dump the Equally Yoked Teaching”

Turns Out That the Husband’s Job Is Probably the Best Predictor of Divorce

Turns Out That the Husband’s Job Is Probably the Best Predictor of Divorce

(Link): Turns Out That the Husband’s Job Is Probably the Best Predictor of Divorce

Excerpts:

The predictors of divorce, however, remain mysterious. But in a (Link): new study published in the American Sociological Review, Harvard sociologist Alexandra Achen Killewald has found that the things that increase the probability of divorce — as they relate to work, at least — have changed over the past couple decades. It turns out that the amount of money that either the husband or wife makes isn’t that important: For contemporary couples, the biggest determinant is whether the husband is working full-time.

Continue reading “Turns Out That the Husband’s Job Is Probably the Best Predictor of Divorce”

Atheist Author and Speaker Richard Dawkins Announces Divorce from Wife

Atheist Author and Speaker Richard Dawkins Announces Divorce from Wife

I believe one of the articles I saw said this is his second or third divorce.

(Link):  Britain’s highest profile atheist Richard Dawkins announces end of his 24-year marriage to Dr Who actress Lalla Ward

  • Prof Richard Dawkins and actress wife Lalla Ward married in 1992
  • They met at a party hosted by author and mutual friend Douglas Adams
  • Couple said they have ‘separated amicably’ and remain good friends
  • They are understood to still be living in their marital home in Oxford 
  • The UK’s highest profile atheist Richard Dawkins and his actress wife Lalla Ward have confirmed they have separated after 24 years of marriage.

Continue reading “Atheist Author and Speaker Richard Dawkins Announces Divorce from Wife”

Christian Speaker Christine Caine Apologizes to Adult Singles For Singles Being Marginalized by the Church, for Church Idolizing Marriage

Christian Speaker Christine Caine Apologizes to Adult Singles For Singles Being Marginalized by the Church, for Church Idolizing Marriage

I was watching the TBN program “Praise the Lord” tonight (April 22, 2016), and Christian speaker Christine Caine (who I don’t know a whole lot about) was a guest.

Caine has a new book called “Unashamed” she was there to promote. I have not read the book; it’s supposed to be released in May of 2016.

If I am remembering the program correctly, Caine said a chapter in her book apologizes to adult singles (especially the women) – the never married, the widows, the divorced – for how the church (as in church universal, all Christians) have sidelined, ignored, or heaped shame upon adult singles for being single.

Caine informed hosts Lori and Matt Crouch that about 57% of people (not sure if she meant 57% of people in the United States or the entire world) are single now – but the church keeps holding marriage up as the example, so that women who don’t marry by the age of 35 are made to feel ashamed or like failures.

Caine also mentioned that the 57% number is also the same figure for the church, that there are many, many single adults in the Christian faith.

Caine said that the church ignores the never-married and the “single again” (such as widows). She apologized to them for this.

The Crouch couple, Matt and Lori, who own TBN, seemed a little surprised or shocked to hear that 57% of adults are single in and out of the church.

Continue reading “Christian Speaker Christine Caine Apologizes to Adult Singles For Singles Being Marginalized by the Church, for Church Idolizing Marriage”

Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

Holy guacamole did I ever find a post by a Christian guy who really knows how to slam never-married or “single again” adults.

I was astounded by parts of this guy’s post.

I almost re-tweeted a link to his blog post about divorce from my Twitter page (I saw someone else share it on Twitter), thinking someone may find it helpful (judging from the title alone, it sounded like it might be a good page) but thankfully, I skimmed it first.

I left a reply under the guy’s post, and his blog says my post is awaiting moderation. Who knows if he will approve it to appear or not.

(August 2016 update: my comment on his blog, that I made in April 2016, is STILL tagged with the “awaiting moderation” comment on his blog. Unreal.)

I have copied in my reply farther below. I tried to be civil in my reply.

I’m going to try to be charitable here on my own blog: maybe this guy does not realize how deeply insulting his blog post is – the parts where he talks about divorced people or the never-married.

This guy should realize that upholding marriage or discouraging divorce does not necessitate INSULTING SINGLE PEOPLE.

You do not have to scare married people out of divorce by suggesting that all “single again” or never-married adults out there are great big, scary losers who have a lot of baggage, so if married people divorce, they won’t be able to find a great partner.

Continue reading “Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage”

Church Knew of Preacher’s Affairs, Advised Him To Keep It Quiet

Church Knew of Preacher’s Affairs, Advised Him To Keep It Quiet

This is a follow up to my previous post (there are further updates at the bottom of this post):

The pastor I reference in my headline of this blog post is Tullian Tchividjian.

I know I probably should not be surprised at this point, but I still find myself surprised or dumbfounded at how so many Christians or churches today do not take sexual sins seriously.

I already know that most churches prefer to hear sexual purity sermons (Link): from fornicators than they do from actual, honest- to- God adult virgins.

But I thought, maybe, just maybe, some churches out there at least have the sense to sermonize against adultery and other sorts of sexual sins, or hold sexual sinners  ~ especially pastors who commit adultery or some other sort of sexual sin – accountable.

But no. They don’t.

This article says that this church knew about their preacher’s adultery (even the previous one), and asked him to keep it hush-hush.

Unbelievable.

What is that verse from the Bible, again?: “God is shamed and judged negatively among the Gentiles because of your behavior.” -or something like that.

Okay, take that verse and reword it slightly to, “God is shamed and judged harshly among the Non-Christians because of your behavior,” and I think that would apply.

Do these churches and people claiming the name of Jesus Christ not care at all about what Jesus taught?

Do churches today and Christians not care about Christian ethics and morality, about doing the right thing, even if doing so may be unpopular?

How can anyone who claims to be a Jesus-follower be so causal about following His teachings?

Note that this other woman he had an affair with is MARRIED.

That’s right, Christians like to depict SINGLE women as the threats to married men, when here we have married people cheating on their spouses with OTHER MARRIED PEOPLE.

(Link): Coral Ridge Elders Knew of Tullian Tchividjian’s Affair With Married Woman, Advised Him to Keep Secret, Source Alleges 

  • BY LEONARDO BLAIR , CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
  • March 18, 2016|4:07 pm
  • At least two elders at Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Florida allegedly had knowledge that their former pastor, Tullian Tchividjian, grandson to evangelical icon Billy Graham, had engaged in an adulterous affair with a married member of his flock and advised him to keep it secret from his wife.

    Reacting to a (Link): report in The Christian Post Thursday that Tchividjian was fired by Willow Creek Church in Winter Springs, Florida, after they were blindsided by his latest confession, a highly placed source informed CP Friday that the recent disclosure is really the result of a “systemic cover up” by church leaders that began two years ago.

    “Tullian had actually been confronted about that two years ago. At the time, he was confronted by two elders at Coral Ridge and Steve Brown (Key Life Ministries), and confessed to having a relationship with a married woman,” said the source.

    “At the time, he was not advised to step down as lead pastor, but instead was advised not to immediately inform his wife about the matter — she only learned about this last week. To make matters worse, the two elders never informed the rest of the session about this situation. One can only wonder whether the second situation could have been averted if the first situation had not been covered up,” the source continued.

    “This is not a situation that Tullian had kept quiet and suddenly disclosed to someone for the first time last week. It’s been known by at least three others in addition to Tullian and the woman involved for over two years,” the source added.

    Continue reading “Church Knew of Preacher’s Affairs, Advised Him To Keep It Quiet”

Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos

Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos

(Link):  Husband-hunting is the worst part of a Christian upbringing by B. Ramos 

Excerpts:

  • Christianity made me obsessed with finding a husband 
  • June 30, 2015
  • …Now that I am “old” and married with two kids at the age of 31 (and wasn’t married as I intended at 21), I’m so glad I didn’t go down that road. There’s nothing technically wrong with young marriage, though I personally believe and will tell my children that it’s so, so important to take time to get to know yourself and other people before you make a lifelong commitment.
  • There is something wrong with being coerced and even brainwashed into thinking you need to get married at a young age to be complete — in the eyes of God and in the eyes of other people.
  • No, I did not grow up in a Duggar-like cult. I grew up in a fundamental Christian home, which was quite common for my area of South Texas.
  • I’ve spoken to a number of friends, including my husband who was the son of a Baptist pastor, and our stories match up.
  • Young people are still being led to believe that young marriage (implying abstinence from sex) is the only way to please God, and these young people who follow this path are not being told the whole story.

Continue reading “Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos”

Why Some People Take Breakups Harder Than Others by L. Howe

Why Some People Take Breakups Harder Than Others by L. Howe

This is one very long article. I am not going to paste all of it here, so you will have to use the link if you want to see the whole thing. It’s on The Atlantic’s site.

(Link): Why Some People Take Breakups Harder Than Others by L. Howe

  • Part of it depends on whether they believe personality is fixed or constantly changing.
  • It’s a question that often plagues people after a painful break-up:

  • What went wrong? As they work to figure out the answer, people typically create new relationship stories, analyzing the events leading up to the breakup and using them to build a cohesive narrative.

  • In some cases, this type of storytelling can be positive, helping people to make sense of—and come to terms with—painful things that happen to them. Other times, though, the storytelling process can be a negative one, compounding pain rather than easing it.

  • My colleague Carol Dweck and I research why some people are haunted by the ghosts of their romantic past, while others seem to move on from failed relationships with minimal difficulty. Over the course of our research, I’ve read hundreds of personal stories about the end of relationships, and these stories offer some clues as to what pushes a person into one group or the other.

Continue reading “Why Some People Take Breakups Harder Than Others by L. Howe”

60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband

60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband

Another example of how it can pay off to be single and celibate. Letter to advice columnist Ask Amy.

Jan 2016:

  • Dear Amy:
  • I am a 60-year-old divorced woman. My cheating ex-husband gave me herpes. Because of this I have been reluctant to date.
  • I have visited a website for people with similar conditions but didn’t find it acceptable. My question is, at what point in a relationship do you tell a potential partner that you have a sexually transmitted disease?
  • Signed,
  • Full of Fear and Loathing
  • Dear Full of Fear and Loathing:
  • I hope you will find a way to shed the stigma of having this STD, which is quite common (estimates are that 1 in 6 adults have genital herpes, though many don’t know it). You have done nothing wrong.

Continue reading “60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband”

A social psychologist reveals why so many marriages are falling apart and how to fix it (and a history of American marriage)

A social psychologist reveals why so many marriages are falling apart and how to fix it (and a history of American marriage)

Link to the article is farther below.

The article I am linking to below details how modern Americans put way too many expectations on marriage to meet their emotional needs, and when marriage inevitably fails at this, they often divorce.

Evangelicals, Baptists, and other types of Christians also put way too much emphasis on marriage to meet their needs. Not that I am against people getting their needs met, but it seems to me too many people expect marriage to be their end-all, be-all fount of happiness in life, which is setting them up for disappointment.

The emphasis on marriage by Christians is damaging not only for married people, but also to adult singles and the church at large.

Christians who are married with kids tend to focus all their time and energy on their nuclear family, and they sometimes use their family as an excuse to blow off tasks at church.  I have blogged about that before, like in this post: (Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article).

You cannot get all your emotional needs met in a marriage, but a lot of people act like marriage should be able to perform this function.

Married women will blow off and ignore their single lady friends once they are married (or even in the dating stage of a relationship – I have blogged about that before (Link): here). Not only is this terribly unfair to adult singles, but it can leave the married person very alone if or when their spouse comes down with dementia or dies from a heart attack, old age, or an auto accident.

I’ve seen letters from widowed men who write to advice columnists who say they are incredibly lonely since their wife died – they have no social network to lean on, and their married friends no longer invite them over to dinners.

Continue reading “A social psychologist reveals why so many marriages are falling apart and how to fix it (and a history of American marriage)”

Why Don’t Some Men Realize A Relationship Is Over Until It’s Too Late? by N. Reilly

Why Don’t Some Men Realize A Relationship Is Over Until It’s Too Late? by N. Reilly

I relate to this story I am linking to in this post.

This happened to me a bit with my ex fiance, I’ve seen other women go through the same thing.

Before women break up with a guy, they will have spent weeks, months, or years letting the guy know that there is a relationship problem, and exactly what that problem is.

(Edit. One variation on this: women who feel that they cannot even tell the guy what the problem is to begin with, because a lot of men will accuse the woman of nagging, so the woman may choose to stay mum and not tell the guy she believes there are problems with the relationship. But as for women who do speak up and tell the guy repeatedly what the problem is…..)

But a lot of men seem to be lazy at relationships. The woman will stand there and say, “It really bothers me when you do X,” or, “You need to start doing Z.” But the guy will just sit there, maybe not even listening to what the woman is saying. Or, the guy might half listen but make no attempt to change things.

This same scene will play out many times over months or years, with the woman saying she just cannot stand X or lack of Z anymore. Men get plenty of warning that the relationship is going south. They choose to disregard this or fail to read the signs.

After weeks, months, or years of trying, the woman gives up and moves on.

Women usually start emotionally pulling back, they stop fighting with the guy – they’ve already accepted things are over, and they make plans to leave.

By the time the woman tells the guy, “it’s over,” the guy expresses shock. They claim they didn’t know anything was wrong.

I don’t know why so many men fall into this pattern. It’s really not a mystery when a woman leaves a guy. Most women will give you plenty of advanced warning that things are over, or soon will be, if things don’t change. That is what this page discusses:

(Link):  Why don’t some men realise it’s over until it’s too late? by N. Reilly

Excerpts:

  • I’ve written about this statistic (Link): before [that women are more likely to initiate a divorce than men are], and extrapolated that, generally speaking, men tend not to be as in touch with the relationship, or their own needs, as women are.
  • Psychotherapist and relationships counsellor, Guy Vicars, former president of Australian Association of Relationship Counsellors, calls it avoidance.
  •  “I think the tendency for men is to avoid relationship issues. Once they have emptied their bag of relationship tricks, they can kind of grind to a halt,” he says. “This is frustrating for their female partners who then feel like they are hitting their head on his brick wall.”

Continue reading “Why Don’t Some Men Realize A Relationship Is Over Until It’s Too Late? by N. Reilly”

Stupid Things Naive Christians Say (About Adultery, Divorce) from Divorce Minister Blog

Stupid Things Naive Christians Say (About Adultery, Divorce) from Divorce Minister Blog

If you’ve spent any time on this blog, you know I’ve never been married. Nonetheless, I am sometimes interested in articles about divorce and how and why marriages end in ruins, and how churches support – or, as is usually the case, fail miserably to support – people who are getting divorced.

Just as most evangelical and Baptist Christians are horrid, naive, and / or insensitive at comforting or advising adult, never married and/or celibate singles, so too, it appears, they are just as horrible about helping or advising divorced people. Read on (just some excerpts here, not the whole post):

(Link): Stupid Things Naive Christians Say (About Adultery, Divorce)

Remember, this is only a partial list, as I do not want to copy the entire page to my blog:

  • Stupid Things Naive Christians Say To Faithful Spouses:
  • “There’s always two sides to a story.”
    • Response: I am curious–what story could someone possibly tell that makes committing adultery okay in the eyes of God?

    “God hates divorce.”

    • Response: God may hate divorce, but He hates sin and adultery more. God divorces Israel over her repeated adulteries after all.

    “It’s a headship problem.”

    • Response: No, you’re confused. It’s a sin problem–as in in “Thou shalt not commit adultery” sin problem

Continue reading “Stupid Things Naive Christians Say (About Adultery, Divorce) from Divorce Minister Blog”

Selfishness: Thy Name Is Married People / Married People Think Their Spouse Having Alzheimer’s Gives Them A Pass to Spouse Shop or to Divorce or Have Affairs / Christians Over-Sell Marriage but Under-Sell Adult Singleness

Selfishness: Thy Name Is Married People / Married People Think Their Spouse Having Alzheimer’s Gives Them A Pass to Spouse Shop or to Divorce or Have Affairs / Christians Over-Sell Marriage but Under-Sell Adult Singleness

As a never-married lady, I get treated like garbage by evangelicals and Baptists – they assume anyone who hasn’t married past 25 or 30 (and yes, I am past the age of 30) is a man-hating feminist who worshipped career, or who is missing God’s design for women, and so on.

Yet, if I were married, I don’t think I’d start “spouse shopping” for Spouse #2 while still on spouse #1 because Spouse 1 has dementia.

But here are examples farther below of people who are thinking about it, or who have done so.

This belies the usual Christian and social conservative claim that marriage makes people more loving, mature, and giving.

(I am a social conservative myself, by the way – if you are a first time reader, you probably assume I am a secular, left wing feminist; not so! I am conservative but don’t always agree with how other conservatives go about things.)

Looks to me as though married people have a lower view of marriage than single (unmarried) people such as myself. Yet Christians keep making it out to be the reverse. Go figure.

One guy quoted below says before you judge him for wife shopping while his first wife was dying or sick, to walk a mile in his shoes.

I don’t think so, pal. I don’t think so.

Let me explain why I lack sympathy for that guy and find his argument uncompelling:

Continue reading “Selfishness: Thy Name Is Married People / Married People Think Their Spouse Having Alzheimer’s Gives Them A Pass to Spouse Shop or to Divorce or Have Affairs / Christians Over-Sell Marriage but Under-Sell Adult Singleness”

Man Beats Wife on Wedding Night After Failing to Get Her Dress Off

Man beats wife on wedding night after failing to get her dress off

(Link): Man beats wife on wedding night after failing to get her dress off

  • February 17, 2015 | 9:50am
  • It was a dream wedding, a romantic ceremony, with the bride looking resplendent in white.
  • Yet it turned into an abject nightmare for the beautiful bride, 22-year-old Amy Dawson.
  • After a delightful ceremony in St. Mary’s Church in the village of West Rainton in County Durham, England, the reception for Dawson and her new husband, her long-term partner and father of her child, Gavin Golightly, in nearby Beamish Hall was full of love and laughter.
  • Then, at 12:55 a.m. the following morning, the newlyweds decided to retire to bed and Dawson asked Golightly to help take off her wedding dress.
  • Instead, he attacked her and she thought she was going to die.
  • …. “The defendant then jumped up from his chair, approached Ms. Dawson and pushed her over.“He then sat on top of her and started punching her with clenched fists. He then got up and left the room. It appears that the defendant then came back to the room.”
  • …Dawson received a cut above her left eye and bruises to her face and chest.“When I first met Gavin, he was lovely, I couldn’t fault him,” Dawson told the Sunderland Echo.

    “He was caring and loving, and when we found we were having a baby, we were delighted.

  • ..Dawson, an accountancy student, has filed for divorce.
  • …“He means nothing to me now.”

Court Upholds Firing of Spiritual Director by InterVarsity Christian Fellowship Because She Failed to Save Her Marriage – Example of Christians Making Marriage Into An Idol

Court Upholds Firing of Spiritual Director by InterVarsity Christian Fellowship Because She Failed to Save Her Marriage

Talk about Christians making marriage into an idol – so much so, they’ve fired a woman for getting a divorce.

Irony: even if divorce is a sin, God will forgive this woman of being divorced – but apparently not her Christian employer.

Haven’t yet read article. Curious – maybe the woman did not want the divorce, but her husband forced this on her (edit: okay, I read the article, and it says, yes, the husband filed for the divorce).

Or, maybe he was an abusive a-hole, and for her own peace of mind, she had to ditch the loser.

None of that is an excuse for them to fire her, near as I can tell.

Almost any time I see a story like this, the WOMAN gets treated unfairly.

I bet dollars to doughnuts that this same employer has DIVORCED MALE employees working for them, but they only fire WOMEN for divorce. Men always get exceptions or preferential treatment in stories like this. (Edit 2: yep, that is the case. This same organization has two divorced men working for them.)

I will say though that she made a HUGE mistake telling one of her bosses or co-workers about her marriage. The article says she confided in a boss that her marriage was rocky.

You should never, ever discuss personal shit about yourself at your job.

Never, ever… there are so many reasons to not do so, one of which is that the a-holes you work with may use that private info to sabotage you on your job, even on secular jobs.

Your employer – and I care not what their religious views are – is not entitled to you know about your personal life, like, that status of your marriage. It’s none of their damn business.

I am appalled that this company has something called a “requirement of the Separation and Divorcing Staff Policy”.

It’s none of their damn business how your marriage is going or not going, and I do not care if they consider themselves a “Christian” business. This is totally inappropriate and an over-stepping of boundaries.

How is this divorced woman supposed to pay her bills and buy food without an income? (Edit. I re-read it, this was a non-profit, so I guess she got no paycheck from them.)

I do have mixed feelings on some of these situations.

I don’t know if I agree with churches doing things such as giving financial rewards and giving free diapers and so on to fornicating women who get knocked up – to me, that’s a debatable point.

You have churches giving free weddings to couples who are “shacked up.”

Maybe all that wouldn’t bother me so much except for the hypocrisy: that if you are a single adult, living a clean life style (no sex, no drugs, etc), churches are hesitant to help you out, to do favors for you, pay your rent for you, or buy you a  month of free groceries if you’ve fallen on hard time.

However, many Christians and churches JUMP in a heart beat to help knocked-up, single, 14 year olds.

I don’t get it. Christians will snub or neglect single adults (including elderly widows) who are living godly life styles, but fall all over themselves to help drug addicts, etc.

Anyway – I don’t think it’s a Christian employer’s business on how your marriage is going. I don’t in this case think it’s entirely fair or ethical to fire a worker over something in his or her personal life (in particular, divorce).

(Link): Court Upholds Firing of Spiritual Director by InterVarsity Christian Fellowship Because She Failed to Save Her Marriage

  • BY LEONARDO BLAIR , CP REPORTER
  • February 10, 2015|2:04 pm
  • A federal appeals court in Michigan upheld the firing of a former spiritual director at InterVarsity Christian Fellowship last Thursday because she failed to save her marriage.

    InterVarsity Christian fellowship is an evangelical campus mission that establishes and advances witnessing communities of students and faculty at colleges and universities across the U.S., according to the (Link): organization’s website.

    Alyce Conlon began working with InterVarsity in 1986 and served at the organization’s spiritual director in Grand Rapids from 2004 to 2011 until she was fired after her marriage fell apart, according to a (Link): mlive report.

  • Conlon had contended in a (Link) 2013 lawsuit against InterVarsity that she was treated unfairly because she was aware of two male employees who had divorced their spouses and were not fired or disciplined by the nonprofit.

    According to the lawsuit, after she informed Marc Papai, her supervisor at InterVarsity, that she was having marital problems in 2011, she was placed on paid leave and encouraged to work on her marriage.

  • In May 2011, Papai and Fred Bailey, regional director of InterVarsity’s Great Lakes Region, became “heavily involved in plaintiff’s attempts to reconcile her marriage,” according to Conlon’s attorney, Katherine Smith Kennedy, in the lawsuit.

    “During this leave of absence, plaintiff followed each and every requirement of the Separation and Divorcing Staff Policy, including counseling sessions and continuing communication with her supervisors as to her progress,” she noted.

  • During the absence, Bailey and Papai contacted Conlon’s then husband, David Reimer, without her consent to discuss their marriage. Papai reportedly issued Reimer a “staff only confidential policy” then asked him to write a letter about his marriage to Conlon who was later ordered to see a counselor of her husband’s choice.
  • “Despite plaintiff meeting all of IVCF’s requirements for her return to work, IVCF refused to allow plaintiff to return to work because she was not successful in reconciling her marriage,” noted Conlon’s lawsuit.
  • Records show that whenever employees have marital problems InterVarsity “encourages employees to seek appropriate help to move toward reconciliation. IVCF will consider the impact of separation or divorce on colleagues, students, faculty and donors.”
  • …Her husband, David Reimer, filed for divorce in January 2012.
  • …Legal teams on both sides accepted that the ministerial exception applied to Conlon’s dismissal but Conlon’s team argued that InterVarsity had waived that exception highlighting on its website that it’s an equal opportunity employer that hires without regard to marital status, gender or other factors. Conlon also pointed to two men who had divorced and kept their jobs.

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Related posts:

(Link): Bias and Discrimination Against Singles and Females – Woman Fired by Christian Employer for Being Divorced but Her Male Divorced Co-Workers Not Fired

(Link):  Single, pregnant mother fired from church for not being married

(Link): Sex is Not the Primary or Only Basis of Marriage – Rape Victims / Asexuals / Bestiality ~ Zoophilia / Sexless Marriages / Park Bans Single Men -AND- Single Women – Rebuttal to Blogger John Morgan 

(Link): Discrimination Against Singles in Spain – and Ageism

Christian Personality Uses Lame, Unbiblical Excuse to Rationalize His Adultery – He Calls His Mistress His Spiritual Wife

Christian Personality Tony Jones Uses Lame, Unbiblical Excuse to Rationalize His Adultery – He Calls His Mistress His Spiritual Wife, According to Various Online Blogs and Sites

Sometime in the last few weeks especially, a story broke out on various liberal or Christian or ex Christian type groups and blogs about a guy in the emerging church by the name of Tony Jones.

I am uncertain if Jones works as a pastor or is simply an author or blogger. I’m not terribly interested in the myriad, minute details of this situation for the purposes of this post. His bio which popped up in a search on Google returns this:

  • Tony Jones is an American theologian, author, blogger, and speaker who is a leading figure in the emerging church movement and postmodern Christianity.

As you should be aware, if you’ve bothered to so much as glance over other content at my blog, I often discuss issues pertaining to singleness and marriage, and how Christians do a terrible job teaching about these things, or in supporting celibacy.

From the Christian blog The Wartburg Watch, (link to TWW Home Page), which usually specializes in reporting about spiritual abuse by Christians in churches, here is an excerpt from a post they did in January 19, 2015:

  • Tony Jones divorced his wife in 2009. Julie discovered the affair in 2008
  • His BFF, Doug Pagitt, knew Tony was having an affair and came up with a theological argument to justify Jones’ actions. Jones allegedly told Julie that he had a spiritual™ wife  which took precedence over their marriage because their marriage was simply a legal matter. (2009- one month before official divorce).
  • Julie claims she was assaulted by Jones.
  • Rumors circulated amongst their Emergent group that Julie was mentally ill. She claims that the leaders tried to get her committed to a mental institution.
  • Julie was awarded custody of the children and Jones was given visitation rights.
  • Tony Jones sacramentally (his term) married his new wife in 2011 and legally married her in 2013. They refused to get legally married until gays could get married.

The ex wife, Julie, claims that Tony physically abused her, including throwing her up against a wall, which dislocated her shoulder.

There is much bickering about this whole thing on other sites as to who to believe, Tony (who claims his ex wife is a trouble- making, crack- pot), or Julie (for the record, based on what I’ve seen so far, I tend to believe Julie’s side of things, and she says that Jones was diagnosed as having NPD – link about NPD on health site).

There are other aspects about this I don’t want to get into in my post, such as a conference involving Christian blogger Rachel Held Evans, and how, when, or if Christians in positions of authority use that influence to silence victims, etc etc.

You can go google the rest of the story if you’d like to read more about all this. There are other blogs, Facebook groups, and forums who are discussing this story from multiple angles.

The point most all accounts I’ve seen agree upon is that this Tony guy had an affair, and Tony refers to his mistress (who I believe he is now legally wed to?) as his “spiritual wife.”

This “spiritual wife” line was used to justify or rationalize his extra-marital affair and divorce.

The Bible teaches no such thing as a “spiritual wife.”

Jones is a piss-poor “theologian” if he thinks the Bible teaches the concept of spiritual wives.

That this Jones guy still gets speaking engagements or book deals, in spite of being widely known as an adulterer, speaks quite poorly to the state of affairs or discernment among Christians today.

Continue reading “Christian Personality Uses Lame, Unbiblical Excuse to Rationalize His Adultery – He Calls His Mistress His Spiritual Wife”