Teenagers Given Condoms at School Likelier to Become Pregnant and get STDs / STIs: 2016 Study

Teenagers Given Condoms at School Likelier to Become Pregnant and Get STDs / STIs: 2016 Study

(Link): New Study Shows ’90s Era Condom Programs Increased Teen Fertility Rates

Excerpt:

  • by MICHAEL J. NEW
  • June 17, 2016
  • A new study by a pair of Notre Dame economists received some media attention this week. It found that school districts that instituted condom distribution programs in the early 1990s saw significant increases in the teen-fertility rate [as well as an increase in sexually transmitted diseases].

Continue reading “Teenagers Given Condoms at School Likelier to Become Pregnant and get STDs / STIs: 2016 Study”

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If You Were Sexually Abused, You Cannot Work At These Churches

Some churches are refusing to hire people who admit on their job applications to having been sexually abused

If You Were Sexually Abused, You Cannot Work At These Churches

Not only is child sexual abuse addressed on some of these employment forms, but according to these articles (links farther below), some churches ask applicants about their views on fornication, or if they’ve ever been accused of homosexuality.

I find this pretty hypocritical. If you’ve followed this blog before, you know I was waiting until marriage to have sex – as a result, I am now over 40 years of age and still a virgin, because I never married.

What I have observed as I’ve gotten older is that while many Christians pay “lip service” to respecting adult virginity or celibacy, that in practice, they do not.

Sometimes, some Christians (conservatives, no less, but also most progressives) ridicule and mock virginity, and they ridicule or put down adult virgins for being virgins. (Please see the links under the “Related Posts” at the bottom of this post for examples.)

Not only is there little to no philosophical, theological, or intellectual support for adult virginity (and by extension, adult singleness past one’s mid 20s or so), but there is no concrete support – churches and Christians seldom have ministries to meet the needs of adult single celibates.

There are rarely sermons preached on a regular basis on adult single celibacy – compare that to the topic of marriage. Most churches offer a “ten steps to a stronger marriage” type sermon series once every few weeks but never sermonize about singleness.

Continue reading “If You Were Sexually Abused, You Cannot Work At These Churches”

A Book Called “Prude” That Uses the Term “Neo Virgin”

A Book Called “Prude” That Uses the Term “Neo Virgin”

An author by the name of Carrie Lloyd was on Christian TV program The 700 Club today. She wrote a book called “Prude” about her choice to remain celibate after having been very sexually active while in her 20s. I think she also used the term “Neo Virgin” on the show and maybe in her book.

I have not read her book, I only saw her interview on the show today.

She was raised in a Christian household, but later drifted away from the Christian faith and then came back to the faith later.

I support her choice to remain celibate until marriage. I don’t have a problem there. However, I have to admit to not being fond of terms such as “Neo Virgin.”

Either you are a virgin or you are not one. I’m over 40 years of age and have never had sexual intercourse, not even with my ex fiance, because I was wanting to wait until marriage to have sex.

I find terms such as “Neo Virgin” or other Christian phrases such as “Born Again Virgin” or “Spiritual Virgin” to be a little demeaning to actual, honest to God virgins such as myself. Such terms dilute the real meaning of, or state of being, a virgin.

I also find it ironic that Christian culture continues to uphold fornicators as experts in how to resist sexual temptation or how to go about sexual purity and celibacy, rather than publish books by honest- to- God virgins who are past the age of 30 or older who are still maintaining their virginity.

Here is a link to a page that discusses Ms. Lloyd’s story and book:

(Link): Making Healthy Relationship Choices in an Unhealthy World

Excerpts:

  • ….Growing up, Carrie was teased about her stance on abstinence.  By the time she entered high school, she was infamous with the boys at the neighboring school as one of the last remaining virgins.  Once her photo was pinned to the school notice board.  She was the target to see which boy could get her to lose her virginity.  Her peers didn’t feel the same way she did.  “No one wanted to save it for one person,” says Carrie.  “This subtle prejudice toward my choices made me more determined to hold out.”
  • …. Meanwhile, women were fighting for someone to love them.  “I call this the curse of Eve,” says Carrie.  The curse says, “Everything will be redeemed once I have found my husband,” and that a woman will be happier having found her purpose.
  • THE DECADENT DAYS
  • Carrie was 18 when her father underwent a serious heart operation so severe it almost killed him and left him with some brain damage.  In his effort to deal with his pain, Carrie’s dad began to drink.  “Seeing my preacher papa enter into substance abuse caused me to question everything he taught,” says Carrie.  “What happened to relying on God?”
  • When she was 23, Carrie’s dad passed away.  One night Carried decided to walk away from God.  She was mad at God and men and started on the path of hurting others.  Several years later, Carrie had several physical relationships and reached the lowest point of her life since her father died.  She prayed to God and heard an inaudible voice that said, I’ve been here all along.  Carrie realized that God had never left her.

According to the rest of the article, and from what I remember from the TV interview, when she decided at some stage in her late 20s (or her 30s?) to remain abstinent, some of the men she dated broke up with her. One guy did stay with her for two years and respected her “no sex until I marry” belief, but the relationship ended, though not due to the celibate aspect.

Here is a page about her book:

(Link):  Prude: Misconceptions Of A Neo-Virgin

  • Overview
  • “SEX. LOVE. VIRGINITY? In the dating game, the V-word has become as strange and complicated as the L-word, with purity as outdated as pay phones.
  • What is an ex-athiest, post-porn addict, unorthodox Christian girl to do these days?
  • How can she create boundaries without scaring off every available guy? Is purity even possible without being puritanical? In this candid, humorous account of the true-life trials of Christian dating, the author shares the wisdom she’s gleaned in her quest for love in a modern world.
  • She guides with grace and honesty through the often hush-hush topics of sex, porn, shame, female competition, misconceptions about purity, and those dreaded “waiting till marriage: conversations.

————————–

Related Posts:

(Link):  Churches Would Rather Hear From Ex Porn Stars Than Adult Celibates or Virgins – Church Invites Ex Porn Star to be Guest Speaker

 (Link):   Why are young feminists so clueless about sex? by M. Wente

(Link): Article: Our Born-Again Virgin Bachelor – Secondary or Spiritual Virginity

(Link): Celebrity Deems Herself A Born Again Virgin And Vows to Stay Celibate “For A Year” – Oh Puh-leaze

(Link):  Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait

(Link):  How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)

(Link):  She’s Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex. Here’s Her Response to Those ‘Inevitable Jerks’ Who Think Her Decision Is ‘Stupid’ – by E. Kahn

(Link):  Sometimes Fornication Can Impact Another Relationship Later – One Example

(Link):  When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments

(Link): Self Control – everyone has it, is capable of it, but most choose not to use it (New Study Says Conservatives Have Better Self Control Than Liberals)

(Link):  Hypocrisy: Secular Pundits Judge Christian Sexuality: Josh Duggar’s So-Called Vanilla Sexual Preferences Deemed Dull

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy”

(Link): Statistics Show Single Adults Now Outnumber Married Adults in the United States (2014)

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link):  Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link):  Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link):  No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link): Secular, Left Wing Feminist Writer Marcotte on Anyone Choosing To Be a Virgin Until Marriage: “It’s a Silly Idea” – What Progressive Christians, Conservative Christians, Non Christians, and Salon’s Amanda Marcotte Gets Wrong About Christian Views on Virginity

(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians | Re: Marriage Not Happening for Hetero-sexual Christians Over the Age of 30

(Link): On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss (from The Atlantic)

(Link): Why Some People Become 30 Year Old Virgins (Article / Study)

(Link): Virginity Lost, Experience Gained (article with information from study about virginity)

(Link): Some Atheists Are Just As Ignorant About Adult Singleness and Celibacy as Progressive Christians, Secular Feminists, and Protestant Evangelical or Conservative Christians

(Link): Celebrities who waited until marriage to have sex (list 2)

(Link): Living Myths About Virginity – article from The Atlantic

(Link): I Shouldn’t Need An Excuse To Be A Virgin – (Secular Editorial Defends Virginity – More Rare Than a Unicorn Sighting)

(Link): Virgins and Celibates are Sexual – Not Asexual and Androgynous – You don’t have to have sex to possess sexuality

(Link): Asexuality and Asexuals

(Link):  Meagan Good Tells Single Women Why They Should Stop Having Sex

(Link):  Preacher: ‘They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Hot SEX Lives’ – and once more, never-married celibate adults and their experiences, wisdom, and input are ignored

(Link):  Want To Grow Your Church? Advertise Sex (Story via A Little Leaven Blog)

(Link):  The Decisive Marriage – Study Says Couples Who Don’t Have Pre-Marital Sex, or Not Much or Not Many Sexual Partners Pre-Marriage, Have Better Quality or Longer Lasting Marriages

(Link): Weak Argument Against Celibacy / Virginity / Sexual Purity by the Anti Sexual Purity Gestapo – Sexual Compatibility or Incompatibility – (i.e., Taking Human Beings For Test Spins – Humans As Sexual Commodities) (Part 2)

(Link):   Stop Pretending Sex Never Hurts, By D.C. McAllister

(Link):  The Myth of Safe Sex by D. Foley

60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband

60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband

Another example of how it can pay off to be single and celibate. Letter to advice columnist Ask Amy.

Jan 2016:

  • Dear Amy:
  • I am a 60-year-old divorced woman. My cheating ex-husband gave me herpes. Because of this I have been reluctant to date.
  • I have visited a website for people with similar conditions but didn’t find it acceptable. My question is, at what point in a relationship do you tell a potential partner that you have a sexually transmitted disease?
  • Signed,
  • Full of Fear and Loathing
  • Dear Full of Fear and Loathing:
  • I hope you will find a way to shed the stigma of having this STD, which is quite common (estimates are that 1 in 6 adults have genital herpes, though many don’t know it). You have done nothing wrong.

Continue reading “60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband”

We’re Casual About Sex and Serious About Consent. But Is It Working? by J. Zimmerman

We’re Casual About Sex and Serious About Consent. But Is It Working? by J. Zimmerman

And left wing, secular feminism actually encourages some of the very behavior that so many women find hurtful and damaging that is described in this editorial. This is one area where feminists really do deserve some blame.

There is nothing liberating, feminist, or empowering or freeing about women having casual sex with men at any age.

Nor is there anything feminist about feeling pressured into having sex because some left wing feminists insist women of all ages should be engaging in casual sex to be “real women” or to be sexually liberated, or whatever nonsense they spout.

(Link): We’re casual about sex and serious about consent. But is it working? By Jon Zimmerman /  October 13, 2015

Excerpts:

  • … That’s a question about intimacy, not just about consent. And the discussion about emotional connection and communication is mostly missing from the endless role-plays, workshops and online courses that we foist upon our students when they get to college. In fact, it’s the great contradiction at the heart of our college sex wars.
  • University administrators take it for granted that a certain amount of sex will be “casual,” that is, devoid of intimate emotion or connection. But our rules now require the sharing of feelings, even in an encounter that is by definition divorced from them. We simply assume that virtual strangers will be having sex. But we urge them — or, even legally enjoin them — to communicate openly and explicitly about it.
  • Good luck with that. We might succeed in cajoling more students into some kind of verbal consent. But that’s a script, a bedroom contract between sexual vendors. Yes, it will make the whole transaction legal. But consensual? Really?  If you met somebody an hour ago, how can you tell what they want? And  since you know so little about them, aren’t you more likely to do something that they don’t want, no matter what kind of “consent” they have given?

Continue reading “We’re Casual About Sex and Serious About Consent. But Is It Working? by J. Zimmerman”

Preacher Stole Five Figures From Church To Pay off Young Mistress

Preacher Stole Five Figures From Church To Pay off Young Mistress

The article says he’s a married guy who was a preacher at a church.

So much for the Christian “be equally yoked” teaching, or the idea that married sex is so rewarding and fulfilling that married people won’t sexually stray.

(Link):  Missouri pastor stole more than $21,000 from church to pay hush money to young mistress: police by T. Gettys

  • A Missouri pastor is accused of stealing more than $21,000 from his church to pay off his 20-year-old mistress.
  • Ralph Sawyer was charged with a felony count of theft after prosecutors said he ripped off money from Lindsay Lane Missionary Baptist Church in Florissant, where he served as a pastor, (Link): reported KSDK-TV.
  • Prosecutors said the church treasurer discovered money missing from the congregation’s savings account and launched an investigation — which revealed Sawyer had used his church-issued ATM card to make 35 withdrawals in June and July totaling $21,727.50.
  • The 30-year-old Sawyer resigned Aug. 11 and turned himself in to police Sept. 1.

    Police said Sawyer admitted to beginning an extramarital affair with the woman in March, and he began paying her to keep quiet about the relationship after she began asking for money.

    Sawyer, who goes by “Drew,” remains held on a $25,000 cash-only bond.

———————————-

Related Posts:

(Link): Preacher Found Guilty of Murdering His Second Wife, Probably Killed The First One, He Had Affair With Vulnerable, Grieving Woman at His Church

(Link): Married Christian Preacher and Mistress Try to Kill Wife – Married Christians not more stable, mature, or godly than Singles

(Link): (Married) Pastor Busted in Prostitution Sting – If Married Sex So Great Why Do So Many Married Christian Men Have Affairs

(Link): Pastor charged in wife’s murder was headed to Europe to marry boyfriend, prosecutor says – Single Xtian Ladies: Kick that Be Equally Yoked Teaching to the Curb! Also: Marriage and Parenthood do not make people more godly or mature or loving or ethical

Meagan Good Tells Single Women Why They Should Stop Having Sex

Meagan Good Tells Single Women Why They Should Stop Having Sex

I’ve never heard of her before – Megan Good.

At least she isn’t running around promoting use of terms or concepts that annoy me to no end, such as “born again virgin” or “spiritual virgin” (see this link for more).

I’ve not started having sex yet myself, so I find it funny that a portion of this headline reads, “why you should stop having sex”.

It’s sad how even this 30-something actress seems to assume that all unmarried women are boinking outside of marriage. Not all of us are.

There is no acknowledgement among Christians (and Non) that there are any virgins over the age of 25 or 30.

Christians continually assume all singles past a certain age are fornicating. I find this continual assumption unfair and possibly discouraging to adults who have stayed the course on biblical sexual ethics, Christians who are virgins over the age of 25 or 30 and beyond.

I’m not having an easy time following this story I am linking to below.

Based on what I’ve read before, it sounds to me (and yes, I could have this totally wrong),  is that she was NOT a virgin before she married.

It sounds as though she was fornicating (with other men), but when she got engaged, she and her honey pie (who she eventually married, or will marry) decided to stay celibate with each other until they married. Maybe I have that wrong, but that’s what it sounds like to me.

Anyway, here is the link.

(I have a few  more comments below this long excerpt):

(Link):  Meagan Good Tells Single Women Why They Should Stop Having Sex

Excerpts:

  • “Minority Report” actress Meagan Good is speaking out about the importance of encouraging young women to abstain from sex in a way that’s seemingly not religious.

Continue reading “Meagan Good Tells Single Women Why They Should Stop Having Sex”

Millions of Adulterers Could be Exposed as Cheaters’ Social Network (Dating Site) Ashley Madison Faces Data Breach

Millions of adulterers could be exposed as cheaters’ social network Ashley Madison faces data breach

(August 2015 update below)

This is another one of those times I’m glad I’ve never married.

If I were married, I don’t see myself committing adultery – unless the husband I’m married to is abusive, or the marriage is dead and dying.

There would have to be some pretty serious problems going on in a marriage before I’d consider committing adultery. I’m not the sort who would willy nilly run around cheating, or join a site for married cheaters.

Also, if it came down to me being tempted to cheat over something like my husband (if I had one) “let himself go” and became really large or unattractive, I think I would level with him about it, divorce him over it, and remarry – rather than have an affair.

The dating site “Cougar Life” was also hacked one article said. I think I’d feel too embarrassed to join a site like “Cougar Life” (it’s a site for older women to hook up with younger guys). Not that I support “May December” relationships anyway.

(Link):  Cheating website Ashley Madison has been hacked and customer details leaked

(Link):  Hackers threaten to reveal Ashley Madison cheaters

  • A group of hackers who call themselves The Impact Team have threatened to expose the identities of the tens of millions of people who use hookup website Ashley Madison.
  • The controversial website, which uses the tagline “Life is Short. Have an affair”, provides a matchmaking service for people already in relationships. It has more than 37 million anonymous members.

(Link):  Ashley Madison hacked: Attackers threaten to name and shame more than one million British love rats

(Link):  Hackers Threaten to Expose 37 Million Cheating AshleyMadison Users

(Link):  Hackers are threatening to out millions of users of Ashley Madison, the dating site for married cheaters

  • Ashley Madison, the infidelity-focused matchmaking site whose slogan is “Life is short. Have an affair,” was the target of a huge hack this weekend, and hackers are threatening to reveal data related to the accounts of millions of members.
  • The hack, which was reported by Krebs on Security, appears to have breached “sensitive internal data” from Avid Life Media (ALM), Ashley Madison’s Toronto-based parent company. The hacker or hackers, who go by the name “The Impact Team,” stole “maps of internal company servers, employee network account information, company bank account data and salary information,” in addition to information relating to 40 million users of Ashley Madison and its sister sites, Cougar Life and Established Men.
  • According to Krebs on Security, some amount of Ashley Madison account data has already been published online. In a message posted online, the Impact Team took credit for the hack, and threatened to publish more information every day until its demands — a complete and permanent takedown of Ashley Madison and Established Men — were met.
  • “We’ve got the complete set of profiles in our DB dumps, and we’ll release them soon if Ashley Madison stays online,” the hackers wrote. “And with over 37 million members, mostly from the US and Canada, a significant percentage of the population is about to have a very bad day, including many rich and powerful people.”
  • …Ashley Madison, which drew national attention for its provocative ads, has become the largest online matchmaking site designed to facilitate infidelity. It’s safe to say that the vast majority of those users expected their profiles to remain secure and anonymous, and would be horrified if their names and other account details came to light.

(Link): Millions of adulterers could be exposed as cheaters’ social network Ashley Madison faces data breach 

  • July 2015Ashley Madison, a social network for adulterers, has been hacked by an individual or group that’s also begun posting users’ personal data online, according to security blog Krebs on Security.The site, which claims to have over 37 million users, told Krebs on Security that it was working to take down leaked data, including account details of users apparently sampled at random.

    An individual or group of hackers calling itself The Impact Team has claimed responsibility for the attack. In a manifesto posted along with the stolen user information, it said that it decided to publish the leaked data in response to alleged lies Avid Life Media (ALM; the company that owns Ashley Madison, as well as hookup sites Cougar Life and Established Men) told its customers about a $19 fee for completely erasing their profiles.

    The Impact Team said that the ‘full delete’ feature didn’t actually wipe profiles as advertised and that it brought ALM $1.7 million in revenue last year.

August 2015 update

(Link):  Hackers dump data from cheating website Ashley Madison online: reports

  • Hackers have followed through on a threat to release online a huge cache of data, including customer information, that was stolen a month ago from cheating spouses website AshleyMadison.com, several tech websites reported on Tuesday.
  • Reuters was not immediately able to confirm the authenticity of the posting. The data was posted onto the dark web, meaning it is only accessible using a specialized browser, although vast lists of hundreds of email addresses including many linked to corporations and universities sprouted up on other sites hours after the news broke.
  • The hackers, who call themselves The Impact Team, leaked snippets of the compromised data in July and threatened to publish names and salacious details of as many as 37 million customers unless Ashley Madison and EstablishedMen.com, another site owned by Toronto-based parent company Avid Life Media, were taken down.

—————————–

Related Posts:

(Link):   My husband forgot Mother’s Day flowers, so I had sex with someone else – New York Post Says Number of Married Women Applying on Cheater Site Ashley Madison Increases After Mother’s Day 

Link):  ‘It’s a break from the kids’: Why parents cheat more than childless couples

(Link): You May Be Surprised How Many Born-Again Christians Use Ashley Madison (web site for married cheaters); story from Huffington Post

(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Chastity / Celibacy For All People Even Married Couples Not Just Teens

True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues – and a rebuttal to John Morgan’s comment on the page

True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues

I think this was published about a year ago. I just saw it today. It showed up on my Twitter feed.

The woman who wrote this says she is 27 years old (or was at the time this was written). I am over the age of 40 and am still a virgin due to many of the same reasons this author cites for her situation, though I never joined or took part in “True Love Waits.”

If she thinks lack of support from the Christian community is bad when she is 27, it only GETS WORSE the older you get.

Her generation is not the first to struggle with this lack of support – again, I am Gen X, and the church does not, and has not, supported virgins who are over the age of 30 now.

She writes,

  • We need help navigating singleness in our twenties and thirties.

Anyone and everyone over the age of 30 needs help with this.

I’m in my 40s and would have appreciated help at “navigating singleness” as a 40 something. You don’t suddenly stop needing support as a single once you hit 40 or older.

I have additional remarks BELOW this long editorial:

(Link): True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues by  Rachel Mueller

  • In an era of delayed marriage and open sexuality, how does advice to “wait until marriage” still make sense?
  • I have a confession to make: I am a twenty-seven (and a half) year-old virgin.No, I was not homeschooled. I was raised in a fairly normal household. I attended a public high school and a private liberal arts college. I like to drink red wine and tequila.
  • … I’m pretty much your typical Evangelical Millennial.
  • Except, according to a December 2009 study by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, I’m in a minority of people: those who have kept their virginity, even among those who claim to be religious.

Continue reading “True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues – and a rebuttal to John Morgan’s comment on the page”

Some Atheists Are Just As Ignorant About Adult Singleness and Celibacy as Progressive Christians, Secular Feminists, and Protestant Evangelical or Conservative Christians

Some Atheists Are Just As Ignorant About Adult Singleness and Celibacy as Progressive Christians, Secular Feminists, and Protestant Evangelical or Conservative Christians

I don’t normally discuss atheism a lot on my blog, though I do sometimes write posts about my quasi-agnostic status, but I couldn’t help but notice this phenomenon.

My time on Twitter has taught me that some atheists – especially the ones with an irrational hatred of all things theist, especially Christianity – are just as stupid, prejudiced, or narrow-minded about adult singleness and celibacy and adult virginity, as are many Protestant Evangelical Christians, and other types of Christians.

Liberal, progressive, and feminist Christians are also biased against adult celibates and celibacy itself, as are secular, left wing feminists.

I normally don’t usually go looking for fights with total strangers on Twitter.

A few days ago, I was looking for Tweets with the hash tag “single” or “celibate.” You never know if you do what may turn up – you may come across some links to some good articles that way.

In the midst of skimming the tweets with the “celibate” hash tag, I saw two tweets that were very dismissive of celibacy, by two different people, one apparently an atheist, and I think the other guy was an atheist as well.

I was polite in my replies to their Tweets. I was not rude. I didn’t insult either one.

I heard back from both guys.

One guy was definitely an atheist, and I’m not sure about the second guy – though I think he was atheist too, or maybe agnostic.

The second guy wasn’t so bad. He was cordial, so there wasn’t much back and forth with him.

However, first atheist guy, with the handle @atheistic_1, either tagged his buddies in the exchange, or of their own volition, they started to chip in.

The other guys were @JeffMunroe51 and a @lobsterchin.

I don’t remember the JeffM guy being too obnoxious, and he tried to bow out of the discussion after awhile.

The lobsterchin guy began acting like a jackass, and I banned him after a few tweets.

First off, these jokers assumed I was a man. I had to correct them on that.

These atheists who were tweeting me, particularly the “atheistic_1” guy, do not understand biblical views on celibacy or singleness or natalism any more than most Christians do.

As a matter of fact, the atheist and his Twitter buddies sounded remarkably like the ignorant conservative, Reformed, Baptist, fundamentalist, and evangelical Christians whose writings about celibacy, virginity, and singleness I have been regularly criticizing and correcting on this blog the last few years.

Continue reading “Some Atheists Are Just As Ignorant About Adult Singleness and Celibacy as Progressive Christians, Secular Feminists, and Protestant Evangelical or Conservative Christians”

How long SHOULD you wait to have sex after you meet? Only 15% of Women Say They Would Have Sex on a First Date (from Daily Mail)

How long SHOULD you wait to have sex after you meet?

(Link): How long SHOULD you wait to have sex after you meet?

  • A new survey has revealed that women wait three weeks before having sex
  • Women wait til their fifth date before jumping into bed
  • In fact, only 15% say they would indulge in sex on the first date  

When True Love Keeps Waiting – What Celibacy Feels Like for Older Singles by A. McCracken

When True Love Keeps Waiting – What Celibacy Feels Like for Older Singles by A. McCracken

She basically says the same things here I’ve been saying on this blog the last three or four or however many years I’ve been blogging here (edit: note: people in the comments say that the woman who wrote this article has written on other sites that she is no longer waiting for marriage to have sex, but for a long term relationship):

(Link): When True Love Keeps Waiting – What celibacy feels like for older singles by A. McCracken

Excerpts (use link above to read the entire page):

  • At 15, I took a vow of celibacy, “True Love Waits.” I stood in front my church, alongside teens who’d betrayed that promise before it began—including a girlfriend who (I later learned) was secretly having sex and my high school crush, who’d proudly told me he’d hooked up with a girl at church camp.
  • … At 37, I’m still waiting. And while I recognize that my strong sense of self-discipline and self-worth has created a possibly endless quest, I can’t deny what I feel in my heart to be spiritually sacred.
  • For women who remain virgins into their late 20s, 30s, and beyond, it feels like our choices are constantly called into question. From the church, we hear: Why haven’t you gotten married yet? From the rest of society, it’s: Why don’t you just do it?
  • When my essay “Does My Virginity Have a Shelf Life?” was published in November 2013 in The New York Times, I went through a roller coaster of emotions: fear, pride, shame, vulnerability, and excitement. A female writer from Slatesupported me. A female writer from Cosmopolitan tore me apart. Secular media seems to be fascinated with my experience, though with each story, editors have downplayed my church ties and Christian roots.
  • I’ve since written about my virginity for Glamour and appeared in a segment on Katie Couric’s talk show. (Even Katie told me off camera I had “fairytale princess syndrome” and I should go ahead and have sex.)
  • Following the publicity, several of my Christian girlfriends in their 30s reached out to me. Some, still virgins, were thrilled to hear someone who had a similar story. Others shared their experiences giving up the conviction to wait.

Continue reading “When True Love Keeps Waiting – What Celibacy Feels Like for Older Singles by A. McCracken”

Preacher Invents New Term For Fornicators: Recycled Virgins – No, I am not joking

Preacher Invents New Term For Fornicators: Recycled Virgins

How I wish I were kidding, but I am not.

A preacher was interviewed about what kind of dating advice he would give to his kids or something. He says he would tell them to marry a virgin or a “recycled virgin.”

A RECYCLED VIRGIN. I am not joking. He actually used the phrase “recycled virgin.” As though people who have sex before marriage are soda pop cans.

As someone in the comments pointed out, either one is a virgin or is not a virgin. There can be such a thing as a “forgiven fornicator,” if the person asks God for forgiveness, but there is no such thing as a “recycled virgin.” That phrase is actually more ridiculous than previous ones I’ve blogged about before, such as “born again virgin.”

By the way, I noticed that this guy – and I’m sure he means well – never the less has created too many mate-selection criteria. He has too many points he thinks a woman should check off before she can marry a guy.

Now, I am not saying a woman should compromise HER standards, or date a big loser out of desperation, or just marry any old guy for the sake of marrying just to be married, BUT, some Christians come up with such stringent, long, detailed lists concerning mate criteria, they are ensuring themselves (or whomever they are advising) a life time of singleness. That is kind of what this guy is doing.

I wonder why this father assumes that his daughter’s heart is “more tender” than his son’s? Does he think women are more emotional or weaker than guys? If so, I think that view shortchanges both girls and boys. Some boys are very easily hurt and sensitive, while some girls are tough as nails.

If he simply means his daughter in particular is known to be sensitive, and he’s framing his advice to her in that regard, I’m fine with that.

However, if he has some kind of gender stereotype where he assumes that because his daughter is a girl this automatically means she is more easily hurt or broken, that bothers me.

Here are excerpts from the interview.

Dating Styles of Megachurch Pastor’s Kids: Rock Church Pastor Teaches Children to Detect ‘Counterfeit’ Christians

  • BY STEPHANIE SAMUEL , CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
    February 26, 2015|9:50 am
  • The Rock Church’s Marriage and Parenting Pastor Darren Carrington says parents need to teach their children from an early age about dating and marriage so they can spot “counterfeit” Christians who attend church but show no spiritual growth.
  • The NFL player-turned-pastor at the San Diego megachurch founded by Pastor Miles McPherson, also a former San Diego Chargers football player, said he started teaching his two daughters and son about marriage from birth, modeling with wife, Vickie, what a “loving, imperfect, fun marriage” looks like.
  • The Carringtons also began talking to their children about dating when they were 14 years old. However in this fast-paced society, Carrington suggests parents start talking to their children sooner.

    CP: What traits, qualities, and actions have you advised your children to look for in a potential spouse and why?

    Carrington: A man or woman of God is actively growing in Christ (different from a church attender), who bases decisions through the lens of Jesus. Someone who is loving, wise, kind, minimal baggage, fun, effective communicator, pride-less, a leader, a pure or recycled virgin. It’s important to look for qualities that are sustainable, because that is what will last.

  • CP: How did your advice or approach differ from what you told your daughters to what you told your son?
  • Carrington: We are more protective over our daughters because their hearts are more tender.
  • As far as advice, it didn’t differ a lot, other than for our son to seek a wife who is respectful (submissive), who knows how to love as well as receive love. One who also has good relationship with her father. As for our daughters, seek a man who is a servant leader, a gentleman and who has a good relationship with his mother.

A “recycled virgin?” For reals? Oh brother. There simply is no such thing.

By all means, tell sexual sinners God can and will forgive them of sexual sin, but please, do not diminish honest to goodness, actual virginity, by slapping labels such as “recycled virginity” on to fornication.

God does not tend to use euphemisms like that in the Bible, to make sin seem softer and gentler than it is, not that I can recall.

Christians do this constantly, in almost every television program, blog post, or magazine article I’ve seen the last few years. They are so concerned they not hurt the feelings of people who have sinned sexually, that they besmirch, diminish, and disrespect virginity and celibacy in the process.

Apparently, most Christians do not care at all if they are hurting people who are virgins or celibates in the process of oh so carefully sparing the feelings of sexual sinners (specifically, people who have sexual intercourse prior to marriage).

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Related Posts:

(Link):  Article: Our Born-Again Virgin Bachelor

(Link):  Update on Born Again Virgin Reality Star TV Guy – and Christians and Their Smokin’ Hot Wives

Married Virgin Asexual Woman Allows Her Husband To Have Sex with Other Women – Why Christians Need to Emphasize Sexual Self Control For Everyone, Not Just Teen Girls

The married virgin ‘repulsed’ by sex who encourages her ‘perfect’ husband to sleep with escorts while helping him to find a live-in lover

Asexuals are not the same thing as celibates. Asexuals either experience little sexual desire, or none. Celibates experience sexual urges but chose not to act upon them, or cannot, if they are single and believe sex prior to marriage is wrong.

I find it sad I need to explain this up front, but many Christians are very ignorant about celibacy and often confuse it with asexuality: they assume that celibates and virgins over 30 have no sexual desire or urges, or, many Christians assume that celibates find staying celibate easy breezy, that God has “gifted” older virgins so that the older virgin experiences no interest in or desire for sex – which is a wrong view. Totally wrong.

This also goes to show that married sex is not, as Christians teach, “mind blowing.” Christians try to offer incentives to people to stay virgins until marriage, one of which is, “Once you marry, the sex will be frequent and awesome.”

In this article, you have a virgin woman who is also asexual. She wants male companionship minus sexual activity, so she is allowing her husband to have sex with other women.

This is yet another reason why Christians need to emphasize that sexual self control and celibacy is for everyone, even married people, not just for teen-aged girls – but Christians, when they do bother to address the issues of virginity and sexual self control – often only frame it in terms of teen-aged girls. They do not usually remind married couples that they too need to practice sexual self-restraint.

I would also like to remind Christians that married couples do in fact engage in sexual sin. Often times, Christians think that marriage is a cure-all for sexual sin, that if only people marry and marry by the time they are 25 years old, that the couple will not fall into sexual sin.

Christians seem to assume that any and all un-married adults over the age of 25 or 30 are having hot panther sex with a different person every week, which is not so. Yes, our culture is sex saturated, and there is a lot of pre-marital boinking going on, but at the same time, there are people who are sexually abstaining.

The people who are over 25 and 30 and older -who are celibate or who are virgins- could use examples of themselves on television, in sermons, and in books, so they can see they are not alone, so they can have figures in the culture that represent their lifestyle who they can relate to.

Adult celibates and virgins could maybe use some encouragement at remaining chaste, but Christians give them none. All of the Christian community’s energy is directed at supporting “the nuclear family,” and defending “traditional marriage” from homosexual marriage advocates. There is next to no effort at giving practical or emotional support to adult celibates and adult virgins.

(Link) The married virgin ‘repulsed’ by sex who encourages her ‘perfect’ husband to sleep with escorts while helping him to find a live-in lover

As to the news story above. I do not agree with adultery (or “open marriages”) even if both partners agree to it or know about it in advance. I have posted several stories on this blog of married couples who “allow” their partner to cheat on them, or who are “swingers.” This whole thing is awful and makes a mockery out of marriage.

Excerpts from the article.

Asexual Woman Repulsed By Sex Allows Her Spouse to Sleep with Escorts

  • By GEORGINA BISVAL FOR DAILYMAIL.COM
  • Erica Holloway, 30, has known that she was asexual since the age of 15
  • She and husband Andrew, 30, have been married since 2012 but have never had sex
  • IT consultant Andrew has slept with ten other women, including a number of professional escorts, since he married Erica  
  • In the one and a half years they have been married Andrew and Erica Holloway have never argued, have no secrets and are more in love today than the moment they met.
  • Yet incredibly this Melbourne-based couple, both aged 30, have never consummated their marriage – and Erica admits that she has no intention of ever doing so.
  • For while Andrew would love to rip his wife’s clothes off, Erica is in fact still a virgin and reveals to the Daily Mail Online that the very idea of making love to her husband is a complete turn off rather than a turn on.
  • ‘I wish I wanted to have sex with my husband,’ Erica, a graphic designer, explains.

    ‘But I don’t and I know I never will as, while I love him, the idea of sex repulses me.

    ‘We are still very affectionate with each other and love to hold hands and kiss and cuddle, but that’s as far as I could ever go.

    ‘People might think our marriage would be a disaster because of this, but we are as happy now as the day we met.’

    She added that she has known since the age of 15 that she was asexual, after realizing she had never felt sexually attracted to anyone.

Continue reading “Married Virgin Asexual Woman Allows Her Husband To Have Sex with Other Women – Why Christians Need to Emphasize Sexual Self Control For Everyone, Not Just Teen Girls”

Christian, or Feminist? from The Atlantic (discusses sexuality, virginity, other topics)

Christian, or Feminist? by Emma Green

(Link): Christian, or Feminist? by Emma Green, March 4, 2015

Excerpts:

  • A new book about purity culture shows the difficulty of reconciling women’s liberation with evangelical faith.
  • But the tension between political feminism and political Christianity is fundamentally philosophical, Anderson argues: Whereas feminism relies on the idea that individual women should have control over their bodies, certain Christian theological traditions have more of a communal focus.
  • By way of example, she points to the theologian Stanley Hauerwas, who wrote in 1991 that Christians “do not believe that we have a right to do whatever we want with our bodies … because when we are baptized we become members of one another … In the church, we tell you what you can and cannot do with your genitals.”
  • Despite being at odds in their politics, evangelical Christians and feminists share a fixation on sex. Arguably, the focus on “purity” in evangelical culture arose in response to a secular, sex-obsessed American culture; for example, the first purity ball was hosted in 1998 by a Christian family in Colorado Springs as a celebration of father-daughter relationships and girls’ virginity.
  • “Endeavoring to claim the title of counterculture, the modern evangelical church responds to what it sees as a sexually permissive culture by locking down on purity and virginity,” Anderson writes.
  • Yet even the language Christians and feminists use to talk about sex is different. While being “countercultural” in the 60s might have involved orgies and free love, in the evangelical world, it means preserving one’s emotional and sexual purity despite the mores of “mainstream” culture.
  • For that matter, “the way we talk about intimacy is less about physical intimacy—it’s about emotional intimacy,” Anderson said. “When people talk about affairs [in secular culture], they usually mean the physical relationship, but in evangelical culture, there’s a discussion of the emotional affair, the emotional giving-away-of-yourself.” Growing up, Anderson’s youth-group leaders would warn against the temptation of sexual “petting,” and they cautioned against “solo sex”—”Christianese for masturbation,” Anderson writes.
  • Although her book is all about sex and sexuality, Anderson maintains that a single-minded focus is counter-productive. “Sexual purity—rather than a relationship with Jesus, caring for the poor, or loving one’s neighbor—has become the marker of a good Christian,” she writes. Conversely, at times, “sex becomes the god we worship, and we will go to any length to obtain it.” The solution, she writes, is to recognize that “sexuality is not the center of a person’s life, faith, or health.”
  • … But it is probably more honest. Anderson really wrote Damaged Goods because, as she puts it, “I felt like a freak because I was a feminist, a Christian, and a virgin.” For the next generation, this might be a useful framework for engaging with both Christianity and feminism, and one that will probably resonate: understanding the work of Jesus and the identities of women not in abstract political terms, but as glimpses of truth people use in shaping their own lives.

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Related Posts:

(Link): Sexual Purity, Virginity, and Celibacy As Product – and: Christian Myths That Are Keeping Marriage Minded Single Women Single Courtesy Dannah Gresh

(Link):

Manly Christian Bros ‘Apologize’ for Letting Their Women Get Abortions / Bro Choice Men – Abortion Benefits Men Who Want No – Consequence – To – Men Sex With Women

Manly Christian Bros ‘Apologize’ for Letting Their Women Get Abortions / Bro Choice Men – Abortion Benefits Men Who Want No – Consequence – To – Men Sex With Women

This is from a left wing, secular feminist site (“Jezebel”), which is usually quite hostile towards Republicans and traditional values:

(Link): Manly Christian Bros ‘Apologize’ for Letting Their Women Get Abortions

This is one of those topics where I’m not particularly on either side of the debate.

I am pro-life, right wing, and don’t generally agree with left wing feminists often.

While I think I understand the motives behind this pro-life video (which I have not watched, I’ve only read the summary of it by the secular feminist author), I think it was maybe not thought out well (again, going by the feminist’s description of it).

I can’t say as though I agree with feminists that men should have no say at all in abortion.

Continue reading “Manly Christian Bros ‘Apologize’ for Letting Their Women Get Abortions / Bro Choice Men – Abortion Benefits Men Who Want No – Consequence – To – Men Sex With Women”

Single, pregnant mother fired from church for not being married

Single, pregnant mother fired from church for not being married

This is very similar to a post I did several months ago. You can read my opinions about story like the one below in (Link) this post here.

By the way, note that this woman is considered single by her church because she did not go to a courthouse and obtain a marriage license, contra to blogger John Morgan, who has the weirdo idea that this woman is already married to the baby daddy because the two had sex at one time.

Well, as far as this woman’s church employer is concerned, she is SINGLE (as in shacking up), since she is carrying a baby but not legally wed (by her state). If you would like to know more about that, please see these posts at this blog:

(Link):  Church Fires Pregnant, Unwed Mother

(Link):  Baptist church fires engaged and pregnant employee ‘for not being married’

  • Apryl Kellam, 21, was employed at the daycare center at Staples Mill Road Baptist Church in Henrico County in Virginia since September
  • She lost her job Monday for ‘violating policies’ she told Daily Mail Online
  • Miss Kellam lives with her fiancé, James, five-year-old stepdaughter and two-year-old daughter
  • The daycare worker, who is 25 weeks pregnant, said it would ‘stressful’ for the family to live off one salary

(Link):  VA woman says she’s being fired because she’s single and pregnant

(Link):  Single, pregnant mother fired from church for not being married

  • Jan 13, 2015
  • A single, pregnant mother is considering legal action after apparently being fired from her job at a Virginia baptist church.
  • Apryl Kellam is engaged to her fiancé, James Coalson, but church leaders allegedly demanded she get married after falling pregnant.
  • Kellam began working at Staples Mill Road Baptist Church in September, but claimed she never received or signed a copy of the employee handbook.The handbook allegedly said that church daycare employees must be married, although Kellam insisted she never hid her personal life.

Continue reading “Single, pregnant mother fired from church for not being married”

The Joy of Sex is Over – National Review

The Joy of Sex is Over – National Review

(Link): The Joy of Sex is Over – National Review

Excerpts:

  • By R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr.11.26.14
  • Two stories of sexual assault, one relating the alleged assaults committed by a Hollywood icon at the dawn of the Sexual Revolution, the other relating a tale of alleged rape that was perpetrated two years ago, both in different stories on a major newspaper’s front page—I submit the Sexual Revolution is dead.
  • Yet what will replace it? The Sexual Utopians’ beliefs are still around.

Continue reading “The Joy of Sex is Over – National Review”

Interviews With Various Adult Celibates

Interviews With Various Adult Celibates

(Link):  For Some, It’s No Sex Before Marriage. For Them, It’s No Sex Until…

Interviews With Various Adult Celibates

Excerpts:

  • Curated by Chie Davis
  • In a time where there’s so much emphasis on being sexy, sex before marriage, sex with no marriage, bringing sexy back, having sex in the city … you get it. There’s messages everywhere screaming sex, sex, sex!
  • Here’s a refreshing take that actually puts all that talk in perspective. It’s about NO SEX. But for these folks, it’s not the sleepy desert of loneliness that’s often painted … it’s more empowering.
  • My name is Isaac. I’m 31 years old and I live in Brooklyn. My first attempt with celibacy had to do with me traveling to the Amazon and working with various plants down there. In order to properly absorb the plants and work with them on a deeper level, you needed to abstain from sex for a month.
  • This time around, it’s a little different. I’ve been celibate for about one year. It has to do with me getting divorced, ending a relationship of six years, feeling like I needed to recharge and take a break from the pursuit of sex, and I just needed to take a period of time for my own healing.
  • In a way, I’m channeling all of that sexual energy into musical energy, creative energy, and I am working on mastering myself in the process and being the best musician that I can possibly be.

    My name is Antonia. I’m 42 and I’m from Brooklyn. Before two years ago, I didn’t know that there was such a thing as asexuality. I was writing a dating profile and I was trying to describe myself, and the term I came up with was naturally celibate.

  • I saw this thing called asexual and I was like, “Oh, what’s that?” And so I clicked on it and now, I was like, “Oh, my God, that’s like totally me.”
  • I’ve had sex, you know, because that’s the normal thing you’re supposed to do, and it’s just like other things I could be doing. I think I’m more of a sensual person. I would much prefer laying in bed hugging.
  • That turns me on as opposed to the sex per se. You know, I’ve always been a spiritual person. I think for me, it’s important that sex have that spiritual component to it, that’s what would interest me, you know, as opposed to just a regular physical thing.

    My name is Anthony. I’m 26. I work in Manhattan. Before I fight, I usually choose to abstain for about two months.

  • I choose to abstain because it gives me an edge when I fight. It makes me angrier and I feel just stronger.
  • My favorite fighters are old-school fighters and they chose to abstain before their fights, so I decided to abstain also, give me that extra edge. When I haven’t abstained, I’ve noticed that I was weaker. I wasn’t as strong fighting and wasn’t as sure.

There were two or three other interviews on that page.

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Related:

(Link): Virgins and Celibates are Sexual – Not Asexual and Androgynous – You don’t have to have sex to possess sexuality

(Link):  Typical Erroneous Teaching About Adult Celibacy Rears Its Head Again: To Paraphrase Speaker at Ethics and Public Policy Center: Lifelong Celibacy is “heroic ethical standard that is not expected of heteros, so it should not be expected of homosexuals”

(Link):  Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

(Link):  Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female? (critique of post at other blog)

(Link):  On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss (from The Atlantic)

(Link): Why Some People Become 30 Year Old Virgins (Article / Study)

(Link): Asexuality and Asexuals

(Link): Virginity Lost, Experience Gained (article with information from study about virginity)

(Link): Living Myths About Virginity – article from The Atlantic

(Link): Article: Our Born-Again Virgin Bachelor – Secondary or Spiritual Virginity

(Link):  “Even more bizarrely, Christianity held up lifelong celibacy as an even more exalted state of life” (editorial by P. Gobry)

(Link):  Pastors avoid ‘controversy’ to keep tithes up, author says – Confirms What I’ve Been Saying All Along, Re: Churches: Contrary to Progressive Christians, Churches / Christians Do Not Support or Idolize Sexual Purity, Virginity, or Celibacy – they attack these concepts when not ignoring them

(Link):  Want To Grow Your Church? Advertise Sex (Story via A Little Leaven Blog)

(Link):  The Decisive Marriage – Study Says Couples Who Don’t Have Pre-Marital Sex, or Not Much or Not Many Sexual Partners Pre-Marriage, Have Better Quality or Longer Lasting Marriages

(Link):  No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link):  Preacher: ‘They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Hot SEX Lives’ – and once more, never-married celibate adults and their experiences, wisdom, and input are ignored

(Link):  Study on Male, Christian Sexual Abstinence Reveals Many Christians Still Clinging to Gendered Sexual Stereotypes

(Link):  Adult Singleness and Virginity Ridiculed by Preacher Mark Driscoll from 2000 – and anti Homosexual and Sexist Rhetoric ( Re Driscoll Rant known as Pussified Nation )