The Sexless Life When Sex Is God by D. French
(The link to the editorial by D. French is farther below)
Overall, it’s a good essay, though I can’t say as though I totally agree with this author’s suggestion, which involves teaching people to put faith in God, or a god, because, he believes, one issue with incel men is that they have turned sex into a deity.
And that may well be true – perhaps incels have turned sex into a deity, but I’m not sure asking them to turn to God will necessarily fix this issue.
Why? Because more and more Americans are post-Christian, or, if they still believe in God, they now regard themselves as “nones” or “dones” and have been leaving churches in droves. There is little to no respect by such people for what churches or pastors are saying or preaching.
Not only that, but a lot of Christians, as I have blogged about repeatedly on this site, have also turned sex into a deity themselves.
I have many examples on my blogs of pastors who mock and disparage singleness, celibacy, and adult virginity, who go on and on in their sermons about how great marriage is and how great sex is.
One of a few solutions I put forth is this: since our (secular) culture esteems choice so highly, remind the third-wave feminists and the sexist bro-dudes who worship sex, that if they expect everyone to respect their choice to have, or to want, pre-marital sex, that they need to return that favor and respect those, who by choice or circumstance, are virgins into adulthood, or who practice celibacy.
Some feminists yell, scream, and complain about “slut shaming,” but some of them (and the wider culture) likes to practice Celibate Shaming and Virgin Shaming, which I’ve blogged about many times before (with some examples).
She changed his flat tire. He never called her again. Is this a case of a fragile male ego?
[Man and woman go on date; woman changes their flat tire]
“I figured if I can, why not do?” Ukpo said by phone of the date she first wrote about on the blog (Link): Madame Noire. “I don’t subscribe to this idea that because I’m a woman, I have to play this damsel in distress thing.”
It’s at this point in the story that Andrew Smiler, communications director at the Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity and the expert I called to discuss the fragility of the male ego, began chuckling.
He knew where the tale was headed — and why. Like me, he’s heard countless stories like Ukpo’s, where confident, well-intentioned women are trying to help, but a dating disaster ensues.
For clarity, I asked him, “What exactly is so funny?”
Smiler laughs again and explains: “We give people some really messed-up messages about gender roles. Even in the early 21st century, we have this supposedly egalitarian culture, and guys are taught that they should never show weakness or ignorance or inability to do a task. And in various ways they should ‘wear the pants’ in the relationship.”
Men Aren’t Entitled to Sex: Crybaby Guy Throws Racist Fit at Woman Who Politely Refuses to Hook up by R K Bussel
It sure does seem that a lot of guys think they are owed sex.
A lot of Christian men not only feel that they are entitled sex (once married), but both before and after marriage, they feel entitled to everything from women: they expect to have their egos stroked all the time, for instance.
Do you Christian men who arrogantly expect women to uplift you and tell you how great you are, ever consider encouraging women in your lives, whether they are single or married?
Women sometimes need or want some external validation, yet whiny men (including Christian ones) seldom consider giving any to women. They rudely assume God put women here only to meet men’s needs. Nope: it goes both ways.
Women have needs too. Women have days or phases in their lives when they get tired, discouraged, worn down and could use a kind word or a helping hand.
Even if he buys her dinner, even if she asks him out, even if she flirts—there’s no excuse for this behavior
…That he turned on a dime to insult her should tell us that he only saw her as an object he wanted available for his pleasure, whether to stroke his ego or stroke other body parts. The moment she rejects him, even though she doesn’t say a single negative thing toward him, he interprets that as pretty much the worst thing a woman could do to him. Her not wanting sex automatically means, in his mind, she’s basically an evil bitch who’s wasted his time.
Another obvious statement: her not wanting to have sex with him doesn’t automatically mean she didn’t like him, or didn’t have a good date. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t, but by treating sex as the one and only arbiter of success, he turned what could have been a fun night into a nightmare.
Read the 28 Insane Texts This Woman Got After She Canceled a Blind Date
How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)
I am not surprised to see some of these 40 something men, who have never married, pine for a 20 something women – some claiming it’s so they can “start families.”
Hey, sexist, ageist entitled never-married male buffoons: women in their 30s and 40s menstruate and can have babies too, if that’s your thing. See the links below on this page under “Related Posts” for more on that.
But I’d also have to point out that many 20 something women have no desire to marry men over five to ten years their senior. Most women are grossed out by dudes who are ten or more years their senior “hitting on them.”
I’m in my 40s and have no desire to marry or date a 60 something or 70 something dude, yet sometimes, these jokers contact me on dating sites, in spite of the fact my age cap cuts off after about 6 or 7 years my age.
(Link): How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)
- (Related link): More Proof that 40 is the new 30, and Even Men are Doing Life Wrong. Or Something.
- (Related link): Claim: A woman over age 40 has a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than of getting married. Status: False
- It’s not a trick question: There’s a piece in the New York Times about aging single men in their 30s and 40s who are finally ready to settle down, but bummed that it takes actual effort and stuff.
- What shall we do here? A round of sympathy drinks? Or a heartless, sarcastic boo-hoo?
- First, let’s get to know the men (Link): in the piece:
Scott Slattery, 35-year-old communications and marketing consultant
Slattery wants to be a dad but realizes old age is encroaching. “I still want to take care of [my kids] through their entire lives, so I don’t want to be old.”
There are more: Paul Gollash, the 40-year-old who realized in his late thirties that he was “fed up with being single” and so he suddenly had to hit up all the sorts of places he’d never have gone before to do the dreaded mingling, like cocktail parties and work events.
Or Alan Yang, the co-creator of the Aziz Ansari Netflix show Master of None who admitted that it wasn’t until his sister had a baby that it struck him that he might want a family of his own.
Or there’s 44-year-old Paul Morris, who doesn’t want kids, but doesn’t want to be single forever, either. He was out at a bar at 9 p.m. on a Sunday night—trying to be “out there,” and wondering if this was what 44 really looks like.
- ….So, truth be told, it’s easy to mock these guys—careerists out working hard, having fun, seemingly oblivious to the notion that time ticks along for everyone.
- It’s, yes, amusing to see men grappling mid-life with an insight that was tucked into an invisible pamphlet issued at birth to every woman I know. It read: Better lock something down before it’s too late and your looks are all dried up. Women have spent decades fighting this cultural notion of a female expiration date, only to find out that men have one too?
A Teen Tried To Kill Three Women “In Revenge” Because He Was A Virgin
Talk about male entitlement run amok. First of all, there is nothing bad, wrong, or unusual with being a virgin at age 17 or 18, for males or females.
Secondly, women do not owe men dates, sex, companionship or anything. I’m not sure what this young man’s religious beliefs were, but I can tell you I have seen some of the same entitlement mentality towards women from Christian adult men, not just Non Christians.
At the end of it all, these murders (or attempted murders) were this guy’s responsibility. However, maybe if our culture did not shame and mock virginity so much some of these men would not feel compelled to murder people, or stigmatization of virginity would not add to whatever pathologies they suffer.
One of the comments he made in a diary reads,
- “I attack women because I grew up to believe them as a more weaker part of the human breed.”
And that is the same mindset of Christian gender complementarians: that women are “the weaker” half of humans. It’s why some of them use the rationale that women should not lead or preach in churches or have equality in marriages.
I bet John Morgan will see this story on my blog and mention it on his blog, which I find a problem because,
- (Link): Blogger Guy Who Accused Me Of Being Untrustworthy Finds My Blog Trustworthy Enough to Use as Resource
- A teenager has been found guilty of the attempted murder of three women who he attacked out of revenge because he could not lose his virginity.
- Ben Moynihan, 18, stabbed three women aged 20, 45 and 67 in random attacks as they walked alone in the north area of Portsmouth, Hampshire, in June and July last year.
Male Entitlement In Dating and In Marriage – Single Christian Men Who Feel Entitled – Part 1
Stay tuned for a Part 2 to this post [August 2016: I did intend on doing a Part 2, but now, I’m not sure if I’ll get around to it or not. I might. I don’t know]. This is Part 1, and it’s pretty long.
I have been meaning to do a post about this topic for a long time.
First, here are a couple of pages about a newly released dating advice book, aimed at single women and written by a couple of men who are in their early 30s.
These authors think male entitlement is a given, and women should go along with it if they want a husband:
- “Single Man, Married Man” was penned by seven New York-based men who are single, engaged, married and divorced
- It argues ‘all men’ who say they don’t want to get married are ‘lying’
- According to one author, men lie to ‘get their women to listen’ and insists telling the truth is ‘risky’
- Another suggests men are more likely to feel guilty about changing their barber than cheating on their partner
- A new book written by a panel of men seeks to advise women on the ‘do’s and don’ts’ of dating from a brutally honest male perspective.
- Single Man, Married Man was compiled by childhood friends Jean Alerte, a 33-year-old married businessman who owns a Brooklyn yogurt shop, and Frank Gateau, a 32-year-old ‘serial dater’ who works in PR.
- …Mr Alerte and Mr Gateau [who wrote the book] – who claim that when men say they don’t want to get married, they’re ‘lying’ – spent three years surveying more than 300 male subjects online and in person to arrive at their conclusions.
One contributor described as single mentions the song ‘Cater 2 U’ by Destiny’s Child as being an anthem that ‘should be on every woman’s playlist and kept on repeat.’
He advises: ‘Prepare his meals, draw him a bath and massage his feet every now and then.’
No, let me tell you how it really is.
If a man wants to be with me, he will massage MY feet every now and then, prepare meals FOR ME, and draw ME a bath.
I am not going to “cater” to his behind. I’ve been down that road before, and it is unrewarding and so not worth it (more on that below).