How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)

How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)

I am not surprised to see some of these 40 something men, who have never married, pine for a 20 something women – some claiming it’s so they can “start families.”

Hey, sexist, ageist entitled never-married male buffoons: women in their 30s and 40s menstruate and can have babies too, if that’s your thing. See the links below on this page under “Related Posts” for more on that.

But I’d also have to point out that many 20 something women have no desire to marry men over five to ten years their senior. Most women are grossed out by dudes who are ten or more years their senior “hitting on them.”

I’m in my 40s and have no desire to marry or date a 60 something or 70 something dude, yet sometimes, these jokers contact me on dating sites, in spite of the fact my age cap cuts off after about 6 or 7 years my age.

(Link): How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)

• (Related link):  More Proof that 40 is the new 30, and Even Men are Doing Life Wrong. Or Something. 
• (Related link): Claim:   A woman over age 40 has a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than of getting married.  Status: False

Excerpts:

• It’s not a trick question: There’s a piece in the New York Times about aging single men in their 30s and 40s who are finally ready to settle down, but bummed that it takes actual effort and stuff.
• What shall we do here? A round of sympathy drinks? Or a heartless, sarcastic boo-hoo?
• First, let’s get to know the men (Link): in the piece:

• Scott Slattery, 35-year-old communications and marketing consultant

  Slattery wants to be a dad but realizes old age is encroaching. “I still want to take care of [my kids] through their entire lives, so I don’t want to be old.”

• There are more: Paul Gollash, the 40-year-old who realized in his late thirties that he was “fed up with being single” and so he suddenly had to hit up all the sorts of places he’d never have gone before to do the dreaded mingling, like cocktail parties and work events.

• Or Alan Yang, the co-creator of the Aziz Ansari Netflix show Master of None who admitted that it wasn’t until his sister had a baby that it struck him that he might want a family of his own.

• Or there’s 44-year-old Paul Morris, who doesn’t want kids, but doesn’t want to be single forever, either. He was out at a bar at 9 p.m. on a Sunday night—trying to be “out there,” and wondering if this was what 44 really looks like.

• ….So, truth be told, it’s easy to mock these guys—careerists out working hard, having fun, seemingly oblivious to the notion that time ticks along for everyone.
• It’s, yes, amusing to see men grappling mid-life with an insight that was tucked into an invisible pamphlet issued at birth to every woman I know. It read: Better lock something down before it’s too late and your looks are all dried up. Women have spent decades fighting this cultural notion of a female expiration date, only to find out that men have one too?

Why Don’t Some Men Realize A Relationship Is Over Until It’s Too Late? by N. Reilly

Why Don’t Some Men Realize A Relationship Is Over Until It’s Too Late? by N. Reilly

I relate to this story I am linking to in this post.

This happened to me a bit with my ex fiance, I’ve seen other women go through the same thing.

Before women break up with a guy, they will have spent weeks, months, or years letting the guy know that there is a relationship problem, and exactly what that problem is.

(Edit. One variation on this: women who feel that they cannot even tell the guy what the problem is to begin with, because a lot of men will accuse the woman of nagging, so the woman may choose to stay mum and not tell the guy she believes there are problems with the relationship. But as for women who do speak up and tell the guy repeatedly what the problem is…..)

But a lot of men seem to be lazy at relationships. The woman will stand there and say, “It really bothers me when you do X,” or, “You need to start doing Z.” But the guy will just sit there, maybe not even listening to what the woman is saying. Or, the guy might half listen but make no attempt to change things.

This same scene will play out many times over months or years, with the woman saying she just cannot stand X or lack of Z anymore. Men get plenty of warning that the relationship is going south. They choose to disregard this or fail to read the signs.

After weeks, months, or years of trying, the woman gives up and moves on.

Women usually start emotionally pulling back, they stop fighting with the guy – they’ve already accepted things are over, and they make plans to leave.

By the time the woman tells the guy, “it’s over,” the guy expresses shock. They claim they didn’t know anything was wrong.

I don’t know why so many men fall into this pattern. It’s really not a mystery when a woman leaves a guy. Most women will give you plenty of advanced warning that things are over, or soon will be, if things don’t change. That is what this page discusses:

(Link):  Why don’t some men realise it’s over until it’s too late? by N. Reilly

Excerpts:

I’ve written about this statistic (Link): before [that women are more likely to initiate a divorce than men are], and extrapolated that, generally speaking, men tend not to be as in touch with the relationship, or their own needs, as women are.

Psychotherapist and relationships counsellor, Guy Vicars, former president of Australian Association of Relationship Counsellors, calls it avoidance.

“I think the tendency for men is to avoid relationship issues. Once they have emptied their bag of relationship tricks, they can kind of grind to a halt,” he says. “This is frustrating for their female partners who then feel like they are hitting their head on his brick wall.”

Porn and Video Game Addiction are Leading to ‘Masculinity Crisis’, says Stanford Prison Experiment Psychologist

Porn and Video Game Addiction are Leading to ‘Masculinity Crisis’, says Stanford Prison Experiment Psychologist

(Link): Porn and video game addiction are leading to ‘masculinity crisis’, says Stanford prison experiment psychologist

Excerpts

• A leading psychologist has warned that young men’s brains are being ‘digitally rewired’ by unprecedented use of video games and pornography

DOUG BOLTON

• Saturday 09 May 2015
• …A leading psychologist has warned that young men are facing a crisis of masculinity due to excessive use of video games and pornography.

  Psychologist and professor emeritus at Stanford University Phillip Zimbardo has made the warnings, which form a major part of his latest book, Man (Dis)Connected.

  In (Link): an interview on the BBC World Service’s Weekend programme, Zimbardo spoke about the results of his study, an in-depth look into the lives of 20,000 young men and their relationships with video games and pornography.

  …He said: “Our focus is on young men who play video games to excess, and do it in social isolation – they are alone in their room.”

  “Now, with freely available pornography, which is unique in history, they are combining playing video games, and as a break, watching on average, two hours of pornography a week.”

  …Zimbardo gave a TED talk in 2011 outlining the problems facing young men’s social development and academic achievement, which he puts down to excessive use of porn, video games and the internet.

This Is Why Being a Nice Guy Just Isn’t Enough by E. Tatum / Double Standards By The Anti-Celibacy Crowd About Friendships and Sexualization of Everything

This Is Why Being a Nice Guy Just Isn’t Enough by E. Tatum / Double Standards By The Anti-Celibacy Crowd About Friendships and Sexualization of Everything

You’ll have to use the link below to read the entire page entitled, “This Is Why Being a Nice Guy Just Isn’t Enough”, because I don’t want to copy their entire post here on my blog.

One thing I want to point out is a bit of a double standard going on here.

First of all, I first became aware of this “Nice Guys” article by way of Facebook group SCCL (Stuff Christian Culture Likes). Sometimes I agree with some of this group’s views on some issues, sometimes I do not.

SCCL is a group that regularly mocks or criticizes the traditional Christian position of upholding or defending the notions of celibacy, or of being a virgin until marriage – sometimes these concepts are all lumped together by them, and by others elsewhere on the internet, under the term “purity culture”.

I have argued on my blog the last few years that it is possible to be celibate, to refrain from having sex, and for men and women to be platonic friends.

I have also argued that it is society, both secular culture, as well as conservative and progressive Christian culture, and most secular feminism, which perpetuates the sexualization all male-female relationships (or even male-male, or female-female relationships).

For doing all this, for defending my choice, or the choice of others to be celibate, and for pointing out that not everything in life has to be sexual or is about sex, I sometimes get insulted or mocked by other people on the internet.

Everyone from secular feminists, to ex-Christians, to conservative Christians, to atheists (yes, ’tis so, click here to read), to political liberals, to political conservatives insult me or ridicule me for all this.

All these groups, who normally loathe each other – the atheists cannot stand conservative Christians, the liberals don’t like the conservatives and so on- all never- the- less totally agree that there is something bad, wrong, or weird about adults who choose to stay celibate, whatever their reason.

All these disparate groups fight like cats on dogs on many other topics, but they all come into agreement on this: they despise and ridicule celibacy (and sometimes, asexuality).

Do these people in these groups ever stop to consider, “Hey, other groups I normally disagree with on fundamental life choices happen to share with me a suspicion, dislike, or fear of celibacy, does this mean something, like maybe I’ve been wrong in my views about celibacy?”

I think it does. That your arch enemy chooses to fight with you on all other issues yet mocks celibacy right along with you might indicate that both of you are either misinformed about celibacy or terribly biased against celibates. Yeah, you might want to ponder that one for awhile.

There are more comments by me below this long excerpt:

(Link): This Is Why Being a Nice Guy Just Isn’t Enough by E. Tatum

Excerpts:

• There are a lot of really wonderful, well-intentioned men who have a difficult time understanding the difference between being nice to women and being an ally to women and women’s causes.
• Then there are other men who pretend to be nice in order to validate their manipulation of women for sex and romance. These are the people who I like to refer to as Nice Guys™.
• While this article is dedicated to helping nice men become better feminist allies, I want to take a second to clarify the difference between an authentically nice guy and a Nice Guy™.
• (Link): Nice Guys™, as many of you know, have become the object of  (Link): much loathing in feminist circles and among women and girls in general.Online, this is the guy who posts hashtags like #NotAllMen and (Link): #ReverseSexism, whenever we publish articles about (Link): street harassment,  (Link): rape culture, and (Link): male privilege.
• He is the exaggeratedly faux timid (read: passive aggressive) dude who still complains about the girls that didn’t date him in high school on message boards and in every other status update.
• Though the most stereotypical incarnation of the Nice Guy™ is a fedora-clad dudebro who spends too much time on Reddit and would probably push a six-year-old girl out of the way to get his hands on My Little Pony merchandise, the more garden-variety Nice Guy™ can be more difficult to spot. 
• Basically, he’s anyone who regards sex as the ultimate goal of interacting with women, and in turn views the idea of a nonsexual friendship with a woman as an abysmal failure.
• Trademarks of a Nice Guy™ include trying to guilt trip women into having sex, claiming that sex should be the inevitable reward for basic acts of friendship, and only being interested in building a friendship until the woman in question rejects them romantically.
• When he gets rejected, he cites every single time they did something nice for her, repeatedly asks her out (as in stalks her), and calls her a coldhearted bitch if she refuses to magically reciprocate his feelings within an almost instantaneous period of time.
• A Nice Guy™ truly cements his status as soon as he begins to complain that (Link): “women only date assholes.”

Christian Man to Pregnant Girlfriend: Convert to My Religion or Have an Abortion

Christian Man to Pregnant Girlfriend: Convert to My Religion or Have an Abortion

I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it: there is no advantage or benefit to Christian single women to keep following the “Be Equally Yoked” teaching in regards to dating and marriage when so many (I did not say ALL but MANY, or a significant portion of) Christian men turn out to be so deviant.

I would hope and assume if a man claims to follow the teachings of Jesus, he would be a person of integrity, compassion, and grace, but more often than not, that does not seem to be true. Here is another example.

(Link): Christian Man to Pregnant Girlfriend: Convert to My Religion or Have an Abortion

• Jan 23, 2015
• A Christian man got his girlfriend pregnant and urged her to have an abortion. He said that he would marry her and let her have the baby only if she would convert to Christianity for him.
• However, she was hesitant, not wanting to embrace a religion for the wrong reasons. Therefore, he continued to pressure her to have an abortion. He was afraid, he said, what his church would think. And even though he was fine having sex with her, he would not marry a woman who was not a Christian.
• [long quote by the woman about the situation]
• Sadly, she had an abortion.

——————————

Related Posts:

(Link): Christian Single Women: Another Example of Why You Should Abandon the “Be Equally Yoked” Teaching: 21-Y-O Christianity Student, Children’s Minister Charged With Murdering Fiancée He Was to Wed in August; Made It Look Like Suicide

(Link): Christian Women Sexually Assaulted by Christian Men At Christian College – College Blames The Victims / Re: Patrick Henry College

(Link):  19-Year-Old Student at Christian College Bleeds to Death After Secretly Delivering Stillborn Baby in Dorm Room

Church must avoid becoming Fight Club to attract men by H. Coffey

Church must avoid becoming Fight Club to attract men by H. Coffey

(Link): Church must avoid becoming Fight Club to attract men by H. Coffey

Excerpts.

• Jan 21, 2015
• When I saw the latest statistics suggesting that the majority of British men don’t believe in God, I wasn’t surprised. Saddened, yes. Shocked, no.This is an issue the Church of England has been struggling with for years.
• From a purely anecdotal perspective, wander into any Anglican church these days and you’ll likely as not be struck by the gender gap, with females accounting for the majority of the congregation. Dig a little deeper and you’ll probably also find that a core of thoroughly capable women are quietly but determinedly running the joint and keeping the whole place afloat.This is backed up by various reports over the last 10 years, which indicate that women outnumber men at UK churches by up to 15 per cent.It’s a headscratcher, and, like with all sets of data, you can read into it what you will. Around the time the people in this specific study were coming of age (they’re all now in their early 40), there was a bit of an influx of what are jokingly referred to as “Jesus is my boyfriend” worship songs – the type that go something like:
• “Ooh, I love Jesus so much, I give my heart to him, he is sooooo dreamy.” Admittedly, having to sing this type of nonsense in church might have felt pretty emasculating for a young man, maybe even enough to put him off our Lord for good….What worries me far more about statistics like this being released is the potential response from Christians and the Church.
• They’re always grist to the mill for dyed-in-the-wool traditionalists who like to wave them around shrieking: “See! We told you this would happen if you let women have opinions, and stand at the front of church, and be vicars. We told you the men wouldn’t like it. You’ve feminised the Church! Of course the men are leaving!”
• This sexist hysterical crew seem to think that, in slowly but surely embracing equality, the entire Church is being transformed into one long episode of Loose Women. That by letting women lead, it naturally follows we’re creating an environment that is “toxic” to men. What a load of tosh.However, there has been a far darker reaction when we’ve seen reports like this before: a move to create a toughened-up, more masculine Church.

We need more penises on our screens by O. Rickett

We need more penises on our screens by O. Rickett

I’m not keen on nudity in movies and TV, but so long as the media are going to be lop sided and only show nude women, or show nude or scantily clad women more often than they do men, I think turn about is fair play, and therefore, male nudity should be shown in equal amounts.Though most women do not find penises attractive, but that’s not the point.

(Link): We need more penises on our screens by O. Rickett 

• Russell T Davies has got it right with Cucumber. We have a puritanical reaction to male nudity that is both sexist and a denial of the lives we lead
• Sex – whether we have loads of it or none of it – is a part of all of our lives. But on the screen, its depiction is often met with shock or silliness. Female actors are often objectified, the reasons for their nudity sometimes having little to do with character, and everything to do with satisfying the male gaze.In mainstream films and television, male nudity often falls into two camps. On one hand, you have the man whose nudity is threatening. He is, to paraphrase Jean-Paul Sartre, a hunter and his penis is a knife.
• On the other, you have the beaten-down man, his shrivelled member hanging uselessly between his legs as the subtext screams: “This man is pathetic.” Depictions of penises, then, provoke extremely mixed emotions. They are the totem of potency but also anxiety – one man feels great power in his penis while another feels terrible passivity, and it’s these two emotions that are almost always evoked by male nudity on the screen.
• The television producer and writer Russell T Davies, whose new show Cucumber features plenty of male-frontal nudity, has said that there is not enough of it on TV. “It’s only [seen as] rude because the rest of television is rather tame – it doesn’t actually talk about sex and our bodies and how we feel about them,” he told the Telegraph. Davies is right. Television remains in the grip of a strange puritanism, an unwillingness to recognise sex and nudity as a natural, important part of the lives we lead.
• ..This is something that comes up repeatedly. Joanna Coates, director of the independent British film Hide and Seek, which won the Michael Powell award at last year’s Edinburgh International Film Festival, told me that because the film deals with sex and nudity openly and without shame, “some people assumed we were trying to be shocking”.
• Sex is central to the film, and the character’s attitudes to sex tell us something about their attitudes to life. Erect penises abound, but not as deliberate provocation and not in a way that’s meant to provoke schoolboy titters. If we react with shock, it’s our own reaction we have to interrogate.
• ….These schoolboy titters are all too often how we greet male nudity on screen. It’s like none of us moved beyond running around the playground in a circle squealing “Willy! Willy!”
• Male nudity hasn’t been a big deal in independent cinema or in the theatre for a while, but Ben Affleck’s member shows up for one second in Gone Girl and suddenly everyone’s shouting Sodom and Gomorrah. In that scene, the two characters are sharing a moment of intimacy that would look ridiculous if they weren’t naked. They are in the shower – the nudity is vital.

———————————-

Related posts:

(Link):  Hollywood Men: It’s No Longer About Your Acting, It’s About Your Abs (article about how male actors are now valued for being eye candy)

(Link): Women Do Care About Male Looks but Don’t Go For Penis Photos

(Link):  New study: Average American man is ugly and fat – And yes, men, you should panic because American women DO judge you based on your looks contrary to what Christian propaganda tells you

(Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): Article: Scientists: Why penis size does matter [to women]

(Link): New study: Average American man is ugly and fat – And yes, men, you should panic because American women DO judge you based on your looks

(Link): Ryan Gosling and Shirtless, Buff Cowboy Photos on Social Media – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented (Part 2)

Manly Christian Bros ‘Apologize’ for Letting Their Women Get Abortions / Bro Choice Men – Abortion Benefits Men Who Want No – Consequence – To – Men Sex With Women

Manly Christian Bros ‘Apologize’ for Letting Their Women Get Abortions / Bro Choice Men – Abortion Benefits Men Who Want No – Consequence – To – Men Sex With Women

This is from a left wing, secular feminist site (“Jezebel”), which is usually quite hostile towards Republicans and traditional values:

(Link): Manly Christian Bros ‘Apologize’ for Letting Their Women Get Abortions

This is one of those topics where I’m not particularly on either side of the debate.

I am pro-life, right wing, and don’t generally agree with left wing feminists often.

While I think I understand the motives behind this pro-life video (which I have not watched, I’ve only read the summary of it by the secular feminist author), I think it was maybe not thought out well (again, going by the feminist’s description of it).

I can’t say as though I agree with feminists that men should have no say at all in abortion.

Does Helping Out Around The House Mean You’ll Have A Lousy Sex Life?

Does Helping Out Around The House Mean You’ll Have A Lousy Sex Life?

(Link): Does Helping Out Around The House Mean You’ll Have A Lousy Sex Life?

Excerpts:

• Tue, Apr 29, 2014
• by Caryl Rivers and Rosalind C. Barnett
• Do wives whose husbands help out with “women’s” household jobs have lousy, or less frequent sex? Are women happier in bed when they are married to old fashioned men who don’t help around the house?That’s the suggestion made by Lori Gottlieb in a recent New York Times magazine cover piece entitled,  (Link): “Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?”Gottlieb, an L.A.-based marriage and family therapist, looked at a (Link): study saying that when men did certain kinds of chores around the house, couples had less sex.
  

  “Specifically, if men did all of what the researchers characterized as feminine chores like folding laundry, cooking or vacuuming — the kinds of things many women say they want their husbands to do — then couples had sex 1.5 fewer times per month than those with husbands who did what were considered masculine chores, like taking out the trash or fixing the car.”

  This idea resonated with Gottlieb.

  “As a psychotherapist who works with couples, I’ve noticed something similar to the findings. That is, it’s true that being stuck with all the chores rarely tends to make wives desire their husbands. Yet having their partner, say, load the dishwasher — a popular type of marital intervention suggested by self-help books, women’s magazines and therapists alike — doesn’t seem to have much of an effect on their libido, either.”

  Well, duh!   Does anyone really see the dishwasher as an aphrodisiac?  And correlation is not causation, as she admits. Does it make sense that a woman will feel a cold chill of indifference when her husband stacks the dishes, but will go wild with lust when he takes out the trash? No. Are other factors at work here? Yes. This is classic junk science — a provocative headline perched on top of flimsy evidence.

  The study itself, by the American Sociological Review, has several problems. To begin with, it is concerned only with sexual frequency, not with the more interesting question of sexual satisfaction. Couples who have infrequent sex may, nevertheless, find their sexual relationship satisfying, while couples with high frequency may not.

  Also, the husbands in the sample, on average, were born somewhere around 1947. Are they too old to represent many of today’s married couples?

• ….But Gottlieb goes beyond the narrow findings of this study to claim that egalitarian marriages — in which both spouses have jobs, do housework and have a relationship “built on equal power” — essentially zap partners’ libidos. It “may be having an unexpectedly negative impact” on the sex lives of such couples, she claims.True?
• No, it’s not. There is substantial evidence to show this statement is absolutely wrong.A (Link): study by one of the authors of this article, Dr. Rosalind Barnett, looked at men’s marital happiness and found that, overall, as a woman earns more relative to her husband, his marital quality — including sexual satisfaction — goes up.In another study, Barnett found that among dual-earner couples, the more equal the amount of childcare he and she do, the better she rates the quality of the marriage. The hands-off macho man who stands back while his wife does the lion’s share of the childcare is apt to find himself standing alone. An unhappy wife is not likely to be wildly receptive to her husband’s romantic advances.
• (click here to read the rest)

—————————————————-

Related posts (kind of related):

(Link): Getting Married Does Not Necessarily Guarantee Frequent Hot Satisfying Sexy Sex / (also discussed): Gender and Sex Stereotypes (article)

(Link): Getting Married Does Not Necessarily Guarantee Frequent Hot Satisfying Sexy Sex – Husband is Sexless for Eight Years (article)

(Link):   Southern Baptist Russell Moore Admits That Christians Have Sexless Marriages

(Link): Jason the Christian’s Sexless Marriage – Christians promise hot regular steamy married sex but it isn’t true

(Link): I’m Afraid to Have Sex with My Husband – from E. Street – Her Sexless Marriage & She Is Visually Oriented, Prefers Hot, Young Studs

(Link):  Married Woman Signing off as “Looking Ahead” Admits to Being in Sexless Marriage for TEN YEARS

(Link): Resident Christian Marriage Advice Writer at Christian Mag Admits Some Christian Marriages are Sexless

(Link):  When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped

(Link):  Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link): Problems Created by Conservative Christian Teachings About Virginity, Sex, and Marriage: Christian Couple Who Were Virgins At Marriage Are Experiencing Sexual Problems – Re: UnVeiled Wife (Marriage does not guarantee great sex)

(Link): AARP post: How to Handle a Sexless Married Life – But Christians Promise You Great Hot Regular Married Sex

(Link): More Married Couples Admit to Sexless Marriages (various articles) / Christians promise you great frequent sex if you wait until marriage, but the propaganda is not true